The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:
(November 7, 2004)
THE FIRST BLACKOUT GAME IN RAVENS HISTORY:
“Garcia…….. Ed Reed, Interception! And Ed Reed takes it out of the endzone……….. 106 yards. Holy Cow!”
THAT NIGHT AND PICK SIX WAS THE DAWN OF THE GREATEST ATMOSPHERE IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE AND BECAME A VISITING TEAMS WORST NIGHTMARE!
20 YEARS LATER:
Let’s Go Crazy playing)
“Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word life that means forever and that’s a mighty long time but I’m here to tell you. There’s something else. The Afterworld. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun. Day, or night. So when you call up that shrink in Baltimore, Maryland you know the one doctor everything’ll be alright. Instead of asking for how much of your time is left. Asking how much on your mind baby. Because in this life. Things are much harder than in the Afterworld. In this life. YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN!”
BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS (And if the elevator tries to break you down)
A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION (GO CRAZY! Put your hands up!)
CHARM CITY BEASTS
A NEW IDENTITY EMERGES
ONE THAT RISES FROM THE ASHES
TO CONQUER ALL WHO OPPOSE IT
MICHAEL HESSION, JENNIFER SHOEMAKER, POE, THE SALTY MARYLANDER, EDGAR, WITH ALLAN, AND DARKNESS
(SEASON 5) EPISODE 4: 2024 PURPLE RISING SPECIAL: GIMME GIMME GIMME
(October 21 2024, Gulf of Mexico, St Petersburg, FL)
Michael: ARR MATEYS! How be the view from the wheel Salty Marylander? Marylander: WE’RE DOING WELL BOSS! Michael: And how be the view from the sails Shoemaker? Jennifer: Ready for battle my love. Michael: And how be the view from the crew deck Raven Brothers? Raven Bros: Whistling (Clean as ever) Michael: AND WE ARE WELL ON OUR WAY TO VICTORY LADS! (Stormy Shore playing) (10-0 Buccaneers) Octopus: RAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander: WAIT A MINUTE! IS THIS DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS IN REAL LIFE! Michael: Apparently it is Salty Marylander. NOW LET’S SHOW THIS OCTOPUS WE BE THE MOST DEGENERATE PIRATES THE GULF OF MEXICO HAS EVER SEEN! Cast: ARRRRRRRR! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Octopus: RAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander/Edgar: SONIC COMBO! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) (10-7 Buccaneers) Michael: BLOW THIS SEA MONSTER TO SMITHEREENS ME HARTYS! Poe: Whistling (Roger that) Jennifer: Hey Poe? Poe: Whistling (What’s that?) Jennifer: Why don’t you throw me a lob and I’ll throw this cannonball right at the Octopus. Poe: Whistling (Here you go) Jennifer: YAAAAAAAA! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) (14-10 Ravens) Michael: CRUSH THIS OCTOPUS INTO DERRICK HENRY’S LOCKER! Allan: Whistling (Sure thing) (BOOOOM!) (27-10 Ravens) Michael: SURRENDER NOW YE SCRUBY DOG! Raven Bros: Whistling (ARRRRRRRRRR!) (34-10 Ravens) Marylander: Can this Octopus just go down for once. Jennifer: Well he’s about to right now. Michael: THEE SHALL NEVER AGAIN INVADE THE SEVEN SEAS YE OCTOPUS! Jennifer: FIRE THE CANNONS RAVEN BROTHERS! (Ravens win) (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Cast: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
(2 Weeks Later, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: You know what. After chilling out the last few weeks, I really want to come face to face with another enemy. Marylander: That Pirate Adventure in Tampa was FIRE! Michael: Yeah, the original plan was to go down there for a mini vacation which we did. Jennifer: The Raven Brothers were having a blast swimming in the gulf, and dressing as pirates. Raven Bros: Whistling (ARRRRRR!) Michael: Didn’t you dress up as a wolf for Halloween? Jennifer: I did indeed. “Raven Bros: Whistling (Trick or treat) Jennifer: OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The SheWolf prank was very funny especially from the Salty Marylander’s perspective. Marylander: Indeed it was Jennifer, I couldn’t stop laughing myself silly. Michael: Well in football terms the Ravens are 6-3, which is right about where we should be. Marylander: I still can’t get over that Browns game, WE GAVE UP 350 YARDS TO FAMOUS JAMEIS! Michael: We did lose to the Dream Team Eagles and nearly lost to a team that went 2-14 not too long after that back in our 2012 Super Bowl season. Marylander: True. Poe: Whistling (LET’S PLAY TANKS!) Michael: Oh that’s the skit competition for this episode. Jennifer: Well Poe won the treasure chest search down in Tampa, so he’s looking to make it three wins in a row. Michael: Just like last year, the rules state this. Whoever makes it the furthest in terms of levels wins. You have 3 lives each to boost your health. To advance you must shoot down every CPU tank in that level. In the end if there is a tie there will be a playoff and it’ll be just like in regulation. Anyways cue the Royal Trumpets. (“DO DO-DO-DO DOOOOOOOOO!”) Edgar, you’re up first. By the way, I love how all of you birds are dressed as military sergeants. Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy)
(A few moments later)
Edgar has made it to Level 5, so far so good (“DO DO-DO-DO DOOOOOOOOO!”). He gets to deal with 4 tanks coming after him including two rocket tanks. AND SEE YA! Marylander: Edgar gets to Level 5 but no further. Michael: And right now that’s the score to beat. Marylander: Edgar didn’t fare as well as he did last year, but hey he’ll take it for now Michael: Now we shall see if Allan can get past Level 5. Marylander: He won this event last year by getting to Level 13, and if he gets near that area again he should win. Michael: Agreed, especially with how unkind they were to Edgar. Anyways, Royal Trumpets, do your thing. (“DO DO-DO-DO DOOOOOOOOO!”) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) ALLAN IS STILL AT 3 LIVES LEFT THROUGH THE FIRST 5! (10 minutes later) BOOM! Allan gets to Level 9 and he has put Poe and Darkness in a tough spot.. Marylander: Hey Poe, you ready? Poe: Whistling (OH YEAH!) Michael: Can Poe avenge last year’s loss to Allan and make it to Level 10? Trumpets! (“DO DO-DO-DO DOOOOOOOOO!”) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) He’s through 7, and he’s got only 1 life left. (12 seconds later) BOOM! DOWN HE GOES ON LEVEL 8! Marylander: And in the event of a tie, there will be a playoff where you will only have one life to work with. Michael: But for now, Darkness could play spoiler. (“DO DO-DO-DO DOOOOOOOOO!”) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Marylander: OH BOY! Michael: Darkness may very well knock them both off! (5 minutes later) Nevermind, AND ALLAN HAS WON THE TANK CONTEST FOR THE 2ND YEAR IN A ROW! Marylander: Poe has gotta be kicking himself because he had it. Michael: Well he got cornered on Level 8 by the rocket tanks. Anyways Jennifer what do you have? Jennifer: Allan, you’ve won this competition in back to back years, what’s the secret to how you’ve done this? Allan: Whistling (Don’t fall for the bombs. If one of those tanks drops a bomb, don’t go near it) Poe: Whistling (WHY DIDN’T I DO THAT!) Jennifer: And now that you’ve gotten your first skit win since Week 1, how does it feel? Allan: Whistling (It feels great, but I can’t wait to go surfing once we go to LA) Jennifer: Great answer. PAUSE.
(Weeks 5-9 Recaps)
Michael: It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these episodes. And my gosh a lot has happened since that 35-10 win on Blackout Night against the Bills. So how did we get to Purple Rising Week? Let’s go back to Week 5. The Ravens coming off their statement win against BillsMafia went to the Jungle to take on the Bungles in a game that Cincy had to win badly. Unlike most meetings against Joe Burrow, the defense felt his wrath and couldn’t do anything to stop it. Just like in 2021 Burrow threw for 5 TDs and had a near perfect passer rating. When you see something like this, you’d like to think the Ravens were blown out of this game. That’s where you’re wrong “HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!” Remember when people thought that if you shut down Baltimore’s running game, you’d win. Well that’s not true anymore. The Bungles had to learn this lesson the hard way. Despite being down by 10 three times in the 2nd Half, Jackson and company dissected Lou Anarumu’s blitz heavy defense with medium and precise passing. Not even JaMarr Chase having a 200 yard day could stop Lamar from pulling this off. “Likely in motion, he bobbles it, scoops it in, vacuums it home, here comes Hubbard! Oh he threw him away like a rag doll, and he throws in the end zone! (“OH MY GOD!”) CAUGHT! CAUGHT FOR THE TOUCHDOWN! CAUGHT FOR THE TOUCHDOWN BY LIKELY! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!” I don’t know how he did it, but somehow miraculously, I think we’re looking at Plasticman. And yes we’ll take the ball away from Burrow at the end thank you very much and set up Tucker to tie it at 38. OVERTIME INCOMING! Oh boy I don’t know if I can take it any longer. “Uh oh, BOBBLED IT! LOOSE! OH IT’S PICKED UP! IT’S PICKED UP ON THE PLAY BY PRATT!” Marylander: OH COME ON! Michael: Don’t worry they missed the field goal to win the game so we’re getting another chance. Marylander: MAKE WAY FOR THE KING! “It’s a 1st and 10, Henry, Ricard the block, HERE HE GOES! (HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!) ROCKETING DOWN THE SIDELINES! BREAKS A TACKLE! DOWN TO THE 5! GALLOPING 51 YARDS!” Michael: That’s how you win a football game. JT please do the rest. “The Ravens have won 3 consecutive games!”
Marylander: How about a 4th next week? Jennifer: Well that’s exactly what they did. Michael: Oh I didn’t know that you were going to try and recap a game. Jennifer: Well I’ll do the Washington one just because I got one up on most of my family. Michael: Ok then. Jennifer: In the most anticipated matchup between the Ravens and Commanders since 2000, both teams would come out strong. While Washington benefited from a dropped pass by Mark Andrews that turned into an interception, Baltimore responded by putting up 10 unanswered points. Marylander: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE COVER SCARY TERRY OR A TIGHT END PLEASE! Jennifer: As you just heard, that’s how the Commanders tied the game. But from that moment on, the Ravens would have their way with their Beltway rivals. Putting up 30 points with Derrick Henry scoring 2 touchdowns, and the defense doing just enough to keep Jayden Daniels and company in check. As you said, Salty Marylander, you wanted a 4th win in a row, and you got it. Marylander: THAT’S WHAT’S UP! (BOOM!) Jennifer: My goodness that was a hard high five. Marylander: Sorry, Edgar and I have done a lot of those this year. Edgar: Whistling (YUP!)
Michael: No need to recap the Tampa game because we showed the highlights of that game while we fought off an octopus down in Florida a couple of weeks back, and the Cleveland game, the less said the better. Marylander: What about the Denver game? Michael: OH YEAH! It all started on the second play of the game. ArDarius Washington picked off a deflected pass and from that moment on, the Broncos would be hammered into submission. Marylander: JOYSTICK SEASON! Michael: I agree. People don’t realize this but Zay Flowers has had over 100+ yards receiving in 4 out of 5 games. Poe: Whistling (A star in the making) Michael: Very good Poe. Even though we gave up a Philly Special thanks to Bo Nix mossing Marcus Williams, I just love your reaction to that play. Poe: Whistling (The camera guys did a good job on the close up didn’t they?) Michael: They did indeed. You know what’s funny, if not for that, the defense would have held Bo Nix, the AFC Offensive Rookie of the Month out of the end zone the whole game. Marylander: FINALLY THE DEFENSE CAME TO PLAY FOR ONCE! Michael: I mean they are giving up 16 points a game at home. Allan: Whistling (Great) Michael: Oh by the way Lamar Jackson has tied the NFL Record for most games with a perfect passer rating. Marylander: QUARTERBACKY MY ASS! Michael: They don’t learn, do they. And why would Denver put five men up front on every play. Marylander: I don’t know, but once they went away from that King Henry happened. Michael: Yup, anytime you beat a team 41-10 it’s a good day, especially one that’s won 5 of 6. Marylander: Exactly. And guess what’s next. Darkness: Whistling (PURPLE RISING!) Michael: Which is where our recap stops. Now as for the rest of the show, sit back, and enjoy the rest of one of the most electrifying episodes in this series history. A night where we get to go face to face with one of our greatest enemies in a battle that will be talked about for a while to come. Jennifer: ROLL THE FOOTAGE!
(November 5, 2024 Club 1722, Baltimore, MD)
(Bang On The Drum playing) Captain: ATTACK! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Bengal Babe/Black Cat: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BALTIMORE IS ABOUT TO BE OURS! Tigers: ROARRRRRRRRRRRR! Bartender: RUUUUUUUUUUUN! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) White Bengal: OUR BIGGEST INVASION YET! Princess: THERE’S NO WAY THE CHARM CITY BEASTS ARE STOPPING US THIS TIME! Black Cat: THEY NEVER SAW OUR FULL ARSENAL LAST YEAR! NOW THEY’RE ABOUT TO SUFFER THEIR GREATEST DEFEAT! Tigers: ROARRRRRRRRRRRRR! Captain: YOU SHOULD HAVE DEFEATED THE SWIFTIES! Princess: INSTEAD THEY OPENED THE DOOR FOR US TO BREAK OUT! Gangsters: WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GON’ BEAT DEM BENGALS! WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GON’ BEAT DEM BENGALS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Poe: Whistling (You picked a good movie for the three of us to watch tonight) Jennifer: Thanks Poe! Michael: I wasn’t a fan of watching Friends With Benefits, but hey Jennifer wanted to watch a romantic comedy even though it’s a bit inappropriate. Both: MWWWA! Poe: Whistling (I’ll just watch whatever you guys want me to watch) (RING! RING! RING!) Michael: Hold on a second, someone is calling me. Jennifer: Ok I’ll pause the movie. Michael: Charm City Beasts, this is Michael, how can I help you? Mayor Scott: Hello Michael, this is Brandon Scott the Mayor of Baltimore City. How are you this evening? Michael: I’m doing good sir. Mayor Scott: The reason I’m calling you is because we have just witnessed one of the most bizarre attacks in our city’s history. Michael: Oh great, just what I needed. Mayor Scott: So Club 1722 has been invaded by an unknown group of gangsters, and it caused everyone in the club to evacuate quickly. Michael: Did you or anyone in the Police Department order cops or the National Guard to go in there. Mayor Scott: Well we can’t get in there, because they locked the doors. Michael: Ouch! Mayor Scott: Not to mention we also heard that there were live tigers in there and they were scared to try and open the doors. Michael: I think I know who’s in there. Mayor Scott: You do. And if so don’t tell me now because I want you to come down to city hall tomorrow around noon or 1 PM to go over how we can stop this threat. Michael: Sure, I’ll bring my associate with me. Mayor Scott: Great. See you tomorrow then Mr Hession. Michael: Alright take care, bye. Poe: Whistling (Who was that buddy) Michael: Guys, we’re in a crisis situation! Jennifer: WHAT! You can’t be making this up. Michael: This is seriously important! I just got a call from the mayor’s office. Jennifer: What’s the issue? Michael: Follow me upstairs please. Salty Marylander will you please turn on TV11 News? Marylander: Alright. WBAL News Anchor 1: At this hour we have major breaking news, Club 1722 in Downtown Baltimore has been invaded by an unknown army of gangsters. Reports say that the doors to the club are not only locked and when police tried breaking in to see who was in there, they failed miserably. According to the Maryland National Guard who also was on site during this investigation, they heard the sound of live tigers inside the nightclub. We still don’t know who pulled off this crime, and where they came from. WBAL News Anchor 2: If the Charm City Beasts are listening to this program right now we have one request. Solve this mystery once and for all. (WHOOSH!) Michael: While WBAL-TV11 and really every news station in Baltimore may have no idea who these unknown gangsters are, we know exactly who’s behind this raid. Marylander: CAPTAIN WINCINNATI! Michael: Yup. He and his crew have learned absolutely nothing from Blackout Night last year, and now they want to take over the biggest club in town. Jennifer: I wasn’t there for the Blackout Battle last year, but what did they do? Michael: Here’s the story, Princess Royal Tiger, the captain’s daughter, tried taking me out on a date, only for Poe to punish her like no tomorrow. Poe: Whistling (And then her boyfriend White Bengal tried to take us down but we used water guns and threw some punches at him. The Princess thought that Michael and White Bengal were fighting over her, but in reality the boss wanted to make sure that M&T wasn’t raided.) Michael: I said it once on that November night a year ago and I’ll say it again. THEY DO MAKE A REALLY BAD COUPLE! Marylander: Not to mention we knocked the captain out cold, and even when he had painkillers injected into him by a spell casted by that dreaded Princess, he and his army of Siberian Tigers were no match for our machine guns! Michael: And then we called for security to arrest them. Marylander: The original sentence was one year in prison, but they took advantage of us being held hostage by she who shall not be named, and eventually escaped their cells. Michael: And now the captain and his bunch of Queen City Gangsters are back and looking for revenge. Jennifer: Oh I did not know that. Now I’m even more excited for this duel.
Michael: Hold on for one second, Jennifer, can I talk to you for a minute please? Jennifer: Sure. Michael: Excuse us for a moment. Jennifer: What is it my love? Michael: So the call I got while we were watching Friends with Benefits was from Brandon Scott the Mayor of Baltimore. He wants you and me to come down to City Hall tomorrow to inform them on who the mastermind of this incident is, and how we should plan on getting into the nightclub in order to defeat them. Jennifer: I have work tomorrow obviously, but I will let my parents know that you and I have that meeting with the city officials. Michael: Good idea. From what I’m guessing we’re probably going to have to look professional for this meeting, and I do not want to wear formal clothing. Jennifer: It’s easy for me because I have to dress to impress almost every day no pun intended because I work at the biggest fashion store in town, while you get to wear comfy clothes all the time since your job is to take care of the Raven Brothers and our Headquarters while scheming up on how to stop our enemies. Michael: I know. But hey you’ll probably be lovestruck by seeing me in a black suit. Jennifer: And you’ll feel the same way seeing me in a dress with heels. Michael: Very well.
Marylander: What is taking them so long? Michael: Guys just so you know, Jennifer and I are going to City Hall tomorrow to discuss the Club 1722 situation with city officials. Poe: Whistling (Oh boy. I’m jealous) Michael: Don’t worry Poe, we’re going to inform you of how to solve this mystery as soon as we get back. Edgar: Whistling (What time is the meeting) Jennifer: 12:30. Should be back around 3:00. Allan: Whistling (Ok then)
(November 6, 2024, Baltimore City Hall)
Michael: I find it absolutely fascinating Jennifer that we’re the only ones who know that Captain Wincinnati is down there in that club right now. Jennifer: I know. The crazy thing is that not only have they tried investigating this case to the point where they had to bring out the Maryland National Guard, but they can’t even get into the club because one the doors are locked, and two they don’t want to get eaten by the army of Siberian Tigers. Michael: I have a feeling if they see your face, they’re going to beat us even more than they do now. Especially since you pranked the captain at that interview in Cincy back in April. Jennifer: Yeah, I got him so good. Michael: You did. They always fall for the model don’t they and every time it usually fails. Jennifer: Hopefully this time the city officials don’t get caught up on how good looking I am. Michael: At least today both of us look professional. Jennifer: And that’s despite the fact that I’m wearing high heeled sandals. Michael: I see you. Jennifer: Michael, don’t you look so handsome? Michael: Normally it’s me that is the one complimenting on how good looking you are but hey it’s your turn to do so today. Jennifer: Hehehe. You’ve seen me in a dress and heels quite often since I first met you because of my role at the biggest fashion store in town, as well my tendencies to throw our enemies off guard. Michael: Yes I have. Jennifer: And even though I’m wearing just that right now, I do love it when my prince wears a suit and tie to compliment my dress to impress looks no pun intended. Michael: You’re so right my beautiful princess. Jennifer: Hehehe. Michael: Enough with the romantic talking even though we could go on for hours with this. It’s about time for us to head on in and give the city officials the information on that dreaded captain from the Queen City. Jennifer: Yeah, but before we go in, since we didn’t get to do one during our last conversation, can I please get a kiss? Michael: Alright, go ahead but make it quick. Jennifer: Ok. Both: MWWWWWA! MWWWWWWWWWWWWA! (WHOOSH)
Mayor Scott: Good to see you again Mr Hession. Michael: Good to see you too Mr Mayor. Mayor Scott: You look very professional this afternoon. Michael: Thank you sir. This is my associate Jennifer. Mayor Scott: Brandon Scott. Jennifer: Jennifer Shoemaker. Mayor Scott: Nice to meet you. Jennifer: Nice to meet you too Mr. Mayor. Mayor Scott: I like the black dress you have on. Jennifer: Thank you. I do work at the biggest fashion store in town as well as working side by side with my main man. Michael: You’re not supposed to tell them that you and I are seriously dating each other! Jennifer: My bad. I just got a little too excited. Michael: It’s all good. Mayor Scott: Anyways, the reason why I called you and Jennifer into the courtroom this afternoon was because last night Club 1722 just a few blocks away from here was invaded by an unknown group of gangsters at least that’s what we are guessing. You two and the rest of your 7 man crew obviously are our main source of crime fighters, so I was hoping that you may know these guys. Michael: I think we know who they are. Mayor Scott: Give me the details. Michael: The architect of this crew is a guy who can best be described by one term. Mayor Scott: And what would that term be? Jennifer: CAPTAIN WINCINNATI! Mayor Scott: Isn’t he the same guy who attacked the Camden Yards complex around this time of the year last year only for you guys to bring him to justice? Michael: Yes, that Captain Wincinnati. Mayor Scott: I thought we locked him up in jail. Michael: Well he and his crew got out of their jail cells while we were serving time inside the Swift Airship after getting captured by them last January. Mayor Scott: I honestly forgot about that. Before we get started, I’m just going to tell you that we successfully cleaned up the city after the raid from the Mafian Horde from Buffalo a few weeks ago after that battle in the rain you guys had with them. Jennifer: Well it was worth it because we kept them from invading that downtown mall. Mayor Scott: Agreed. National Guard Officer: Mr Hession and Ms Shoemaker, we must figure out how to stop this Wincinnati guy. Michael: Well here’s the thing sir, not only is it him, but he has a squad of gangsters with him. National Guard Officer: We know. His daughter Princess Royal Tiger and her boyfriend White Bengal are the main focus of attention. Michael: Well I’m guessing that if we added the pretty woman with generational abilities who’s standing right next to me, they probably added more gangsters to try and overpower us. National Guard Officer: In theory you are correct, because we heard that there were much more than 3-4 people in that nightclub bar. Michael: Also, for as many times as you tried to do so last night, you didn’t have the right tools to try and break into that nightclub. National Guard Officer: How so Mr Hession? Michael: Well you tried to push the door down in order to get into the club. Jennifer: And that isn’t a good idea since there probably is a massive tiger cage slammed up against that door. Police Chief: We could hear those tigers roaring loud from down there. Mayor Scott: What would your solution be? Jennifer: Simple, we’d either use a magnet to rip the door knob off, or if need be use a laser blaster to blow the door off completely. Mayor Scott: Oh I see. We didn’t have the proper guns to completely blow that door off. Jennifer: That and you’d be risking getting eaten by tigers if you didn’t act quickly. Police Chief: So that’s how you guys are going to break in whenever you try to go in there. Michael: Yup. And even if we do break in, we have no idea what Captain Wincinnati nor the rest of the Queen City Gangsters are up to. My guess is that he is probably going to have booby traps and all kinds of crazy stuff schemed up. Chief Police: Speaking of booby traps, as soon as they tried getting out of that underground area, they did get banged around by a swinging spikeball from what we were told by the National Guard. Michael: Oh great! He’s going to make it as hard as possible for us to get down there and stop him. Mayor Scott: Indeed.
(Inner Harbor)
Michael: Out of all the risks that our squad has taken over the past year, this may be the biggest one. Jennifer: I know. Going into an underground nightclub can be super dangerous at times, especially when you have that dreaded captain and his squad who won’t let any investigation crew come in there to see who has invaded that club. Michael: Normally when something like this happens, the news outlets and security crews are on sight, but in this case, they’re not anywhere near that area. Jennifer: It’s going to take a great effort from the two of us as well as the others to take them down. Michael: I know. This may be the biggest battle we’ve ever had. Jennifer: Which is crazy because we’ve gone up against the Swiftie Empire, and the Mafian Horde among others. Michael: The thing is we’ve beaten Captain Wincinnati before, we just don’t know what he’s up to right now. Jennifer: Yeah I know. Hey, do you know where we are? Michael: Ah yes, right at the front of the Inner Harbor, why do you ask? Jennifer: This is where we kissed on our first date. Michael: Hm, I remember that. Boy, were the emotions especially after escaping the Swiftie Airship and holding off Jaden Smith at a fever pitch. Jennifer: They indeed were. (Let the Groove Get In playing) Michael: Why are you giving me the lovestruck face? Jennifer: Well, since we’re all dressed up like we were on our first date on this very site, I think it’s time that we have our first dance. Michael: Now I see why you kept a mini loudspeaker inside your purse this whole time. Jennifer: I came prepared for romance. Now take my right hand and pull me in. Michael: Oh boy. I’m not sure if I want to do this. Jennifer: It’ll be fun. Just go with the music my love. Michael: I guess if this is a sign of true love then lets take the chance. Jennifer: Hehehehe. Are you ready? Michael: Yes. “Are you comfortable right there right there. Let the groove get in, hey there right there. Are you comfortable right there right there. Let the groove get in, hey there right there. Are you comfortable right there right there. Let the groove get in, hey there right there. (WHOOSH!) (WHOOSH!) Both: MWWWWWA! “Shake! Like you know you got something to prove baby mama. Like the groove’s taking over you, make no mistake. You’re in the place to be by far so lets get, crazy like we ain’t never gonna see tomorrow.”
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Darkness: Whistling (Anyone know what time it is) Marylander: It’s 3:00 Darkness. Poe: Whistling (Aren’t Michael and Jennifer supposed to be back by now) Marylander: They should be. Allan: Whistling (Let me guess they must have gone out for a love session afterwards) Marylander: Of course they did! Now what exactly do you mean by love session?
(Inner Harbor)
“Let the groooooooooooooove get in you! Are you comfortable right there right there. Let the groove get in, hey there right there.” Jennifer: This is awesome! Michael: Damn right! Jennifer: You couldn’t have asked for a better day too. Michael: I wonder how the others will react to this once we get back? Jennifer: I bet Darkness will set up a dance sketch for us if we do end up taking down the captain. Michael: Not sure but we’ll see what he’s got in store. Jennifer: How about another hard twirl after we just did some quick step waltzing? Michael: Sure. (WHOOSH! WHOOSH!) Both: MWWWWWWWWWA! Michael: I never knew you could have a kiss sequence in a dance. Jennifer: Well you do now my love. Michael: WOOOAH! Why did you just tug at my tie? Jennifer: Because I want you to come a little closer. Michael: Ok, then I’ll grab you by the collar on your dress so you can come closer to me. Jennifer: WEEEEEE! Michael: There? Jennifer: THERE! Both: MWWA! MWWWWWWWA!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Marylander: I mean you guys are obviously enjoying yourselves by means of playing Madden while having pizza, but I really hope that they’re back soon because WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BEAT THAT DREADED CAPTAIN! Edgar: Whistling (Calm down my guy) Marylander: I WANT TO GET THIS THING SETTLED EDGAR! AND OUR TWO MASTERMINDS NEED TO BE IN THIS BUILDING ANY MINUTE! Poe: Whistling (I hear you buddy. Whatever they’re doing right now must have some romantic feel to it)
(Inner Harbor)
“Let me take you dancing, two-step to the bedroom, we don’t need no dancefloor, let me see your best moves. Anything could happen, ever since I met you. No need to imagine. Baby all I’m asking. Is let me take you dancing.” Jennifer: Hehehehehehe! I told you this was going to be fun! Michael: You got me on that one. Jennifer: Now lift me up in the air ala Dirty Dancing. Michael: Alright then. “da da da da da da. da da da da da da. da da da da da da. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! da da da da da da. da da da da da da. da da da da da da.” Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA!
(30 minutes later)
Marylander: COME ON ALREADY! Poe: Whistling (Patience buddy) Marylander: Poe I want results. I’M BEGGING THEM TO COME BACK TO THE HEADQUARTERS THE SAME WAY I’M BEGGING FOR ZACH ORR TO GET HIS ACT TOGETHER! Edgar: Whistling (Agreed) Poe: Whistling (Man I’m hungry) Allan: Whistling (You just had one whole piece of pizza) Poe: Whistling (So) (WHOOSH!) Marylander: Oh thank goodness you’re back. Edgar: Whistling (What took you so long?) Michael: The meeting went from 12:30 to 2:00, but the reason we took so long was because a certain fashionista wanted to have another romantic session out in front of the Inner Harbor. Poe: Whistling (And what exactly did you do) Jennifer: We had our first dance. Marylander: I KNEW IT! Poe: Whistling (That game of love you guys play is straight up crazy!) Jennifer: Yes it is Poe. Michael: Man, was she working me like no tomorrow. There were a couple of times where she tugged at my tie to pull me in for a kiss. But hey in her eyes that was part of the dance. Allan: Whistling (You must be sweating from this big time.) Michael: Indeed I am, especially since I did this in a suit in close to 80 degree weather. Edgar: Whistling (You could have taken off your blazer but hey you’re going no sleeves for the battle) Michael: There you go. Plus both of us are in black and that made the sun reflect even more on us. Although Jennifer I’m more amazed that your dress didn’t get all sweaty after how many times I twirled you and lifted you up in the air. Jennifer: I know, and I have a long sleeved one on too. Anyways, you were amazing even though you aren’t really good at hard core dancing. Michael: It always helps to have someone as good as you at my side. Jennifer: Hehehehe. C’mere. Both: MWWWWWWWA! Marylander: Alright, how are we going to defeat the captain? Michael: Well, we’re probably going to bring out all of our big guns, the blaster, a newly christened Purple Scar, and oh yeah the magnets. Jennifer: They appear to have a tiger cage pushed to the door, so if we blast that door we could have to blast those tigers too. Poe: Whistling (So all we have to do is blow up the door to get in, shoot down the tiger cage, and then focus our attention on what the captain is doing) Michael: Yes. Poe: Whistling (Great!) Darkness: Whistling (Hey Michael, if we do end up pulling this off and take down the captain, are you and Jennifer going to dance for us?) Michael: I don’t know about that. Jennifer: YES! WE! ARE! YES! WE! ARE! Michael: Well there’s your answer. Jennifer: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Michael: Ok, I know. But anyways, there’s only one goal that we have on our minds right now, WE’RE TRYING TO SAVE THE BIGGEST NIGHTCLUB IN TOWN!
(November 7, 2024, 1722 Club)
“WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! WE’VE GOT FUN GAMES!” Captain: THIS PARTY WON’T EVER STOP! Black Cat: NO ONE IS EVEN BOTHERING COMING IN! White Bengal: DON’T YOU SAY THAT! Black Cat: Why? The tiger cage we put in there has prevented the Baltimore Police Department or the Maryland National Guard from investigating this nightclub. Captain: They’re not our biggest concern? Black Cat: Then who is it? Bengal Babe: THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Black Cat: Who are they? Captain: They’re one of the most imposing crime fighting groups in the country. Princess: And last year, they prevented us from invading the city, especially the stadium complex. Black Cat: Oh that makes sense. Captain: Good news for you Black Cat is that you and my wife weren’t here last year and now that you too are on board, we should finally be able to conquer those bastards! Princess: Their leader may be so handsome but he’s got his work cut out for us this time. White Bengal: Yeah, no Blackout Night heroics this time. Captain: Speaking of that dreaded master of the Beasts, why don’t I facetime him from the giant TV screen inside this club. Bengal Babe: Honey that’s not a good idea. Captain: WHO CARES WE NEED SOME CONFIDENCE!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: Wide open three ball! Marylander: UUUUUUH! You’re killing me with those quick possessions. Michael: Well I’m playing as the greatest shooter in NBA History so I have that going for me. (WHOOSH!) Captain: HELLO CHARM CITY BEASTS! Michael: CAPTAIN WINCINNATI! I knew you were the mastermind behind the Club 1722 invasion this whole time. Captain: You may have captured us last year but I’ve got even more live tigers and support to back me up. Michael: WHO DID YOU BRING IN TO HELP YOU ATTACK OUR CITY! Captain: I brought in my wife Bengal Babe, who has killer claws and is a black belt at kung fu. Bengal Babe: HIGH YA! And Black Cat who happens to be Princess Royal Tiger’s bestie. Not to mention she’s single, and she sounds like a girl that’s right up your alley. Michael: Sorry captain, BUT I’M OFF THE MARKET! Captain: And if you are indeed off the market, WHO HAPPENS TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND MASTER HESSION!? Michael: I thought you’d never ask? Jennifer: Hey there, REMEMBER ME? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Captain: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! White Bengal: What is it captain? Captain: IT’S HER! White Bengal: Who’s her? Captain: JENNIFER! SHOEMAKER!!! The same girl that told me that she was an NFL Network Reporter when she interviewed me back in April, only to throw a dust bomb at me which almost choked me to death. YOU’RE A LIAR AND A WANNABE VERSION OF BARBIE! Jennifer: Hehehe, if you think that I’m just a girl who looks and sounds like Barbie, THEN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HIT YOU! Michael: You may have brought your wife and your daughter’s best friend, but we’re still the Bullies of Baltimore for a reason. Captain: Let me guess, this is your stupid Blackout thing that we’re going to ruin once you guys try to stop us. Michael: We’re not telling you what our theme for tonight is. Captain: Why, ARE YOU SCARED! Michael: I’ve never been scared of you or the rest of your crew of gangsters. Captain: TELL ME THE THEME! Michael: Salty Marylander, please hang up on him. Captain: YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! (WHOOSH!) Marylander: Better? Michael: Better. Alright, here’s the plan. There are two underground bar areas in this nightclub. My radar is showing me that those dreaded gangsters from Cincinnati are on the bottom floor. Jennifer: On the main floor, they have a giant tiger cage that appears to be slammed right up against the door to get into the club, and to add just a little bit of insult to injury, they have a swinging spikeball just like the ones inside the obstacle course of the Swift Airship. Poe: Whistling (Do you think we should use the ice guns to freeze the spikeball) Michael: If the spikeball is swinging super far back then yes. Marylander: I think we blow up the door with the laser blaster especially if that cage gets blown open. Michael: Second thought, I feel like we use the magnet to open the door, then the blaster. Marylander: Ok, that makes more sense. Michael: Enough talking guys, we gotta get all geared up for this one. IT’S TIME TO BEGIN THE RISE!
“YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE? YOU GOTTA DO IT YOURSELF!” (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) “YEAH I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FUNKY ONES. HEART, SOUL! DANCE!” (BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “IF I WERE YOU, AND YOU WERE ME, YOU’D WANNA BE WINNING. IF YOU SOMETHING BAD, Y’ALL. YOU GOTTA WANNA GIVE IT YOUR ALL!” (BOOM!) Marylander: IIIIIIIIIT’S GO TIME! (BOOM!) Edgar: Whistling (WE’RE HERE FOR SOME SERIOUS BUSINESS!) (BOOM!) Allan: Whistling (I’M READY TO TAKE FLIGHT HERE TONIGHT!) (BOOM!) Darkness: Whistling (CAMOUFLAGE MODE!) (BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (LETS GO GET IT GUYS!) (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “WELL I GUESS WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE CONTROL.” Jennifer: DRESSED FOR SUCCESS! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “IF IT’S UP TO US, WE’VE GOT TO TAKE IT HOME.” Michael: COME ONNNNN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Raven Bros: Whistling (We love us some bear crawling!) Michael: Thanks, I’m shocked that you guys are in your camo outfits tonight. Poe: Whistling (We need to let that Wincinnati guy know that we aren’t messing around) Michael: So it looks like the Salty Marylander and myself are the only ones in Color Rush gear given that Jennifer once again is all dressed up so she can throw our opposition off guard again. Jennifer: Hehe. Marylander: Yup, and I’m rocking a King Henry jersey that I just bought the other day. Michael: NICE! Anyways, IT’S GO TIME! “HERE COME THE RAVENS!”
(Club 1722)
Gangsters: WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GON’ BEAT DEM BENGALS! WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GON’ BEAT DEM BENGALS! NOOOOOOOOOBODY! Captain: Great job guys! It looks like this club is going to be ours for a long time to come. Princess: Yeah, the security guards or news anchors or really anyone can’t get down here because we put a tiger cage up against the doors. Captain: But our biggest nemesis is going to try and break through it whenever they come. White Bengal: What are we going to do about that? Captain: We’ll all just hang down here. Besides, if they do break through that door, they’ll have to kill off all of those tigers before they even get to us. Gangsters: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Michael: I think this is where Club 1722 is according to my radar. Marylander: Now how are we going to get into that club especially since everything we’ve heard has stated you can’t open the door to get in there. Jennifer: Simple. WEAPONS! Marylander: Right, we have all of our big guns, and the magnets. Michael: There you go. We just need to get past whatever booby traps they have first. (WHOOSH!) “Now Brown out of the slot, Burrow chased, Burrow under pressure, fires, incomplete.” Poe: Whistling (Ah, I dodged that one) Marylander: POE LOOK OUT! (BOOM!) “Prior to the pass, holding, Defense #21.” Michael: And this is why you don’t showboat when you’re around a booby trap area. Allan: Whistling (Alright let’s see if I can get past this spikeball) “Looking for the end zone and finding it. (BOOM!) Chase Brown for the touchdown.” Edgar: Whistling (That’s gonna hurt tomorrow) Michael: At least you guys all have feathers to protect your skin from serious damage. Darkness: Whistling (Very true) Jennifer: Now how are we going to get into this place. Edgar: Whistling (I KNOW HOW!) Jennifer: WAIT! “Pressure, extra pressure, fires, too high, Chase was there, Chase wants a flag, and Chase, there is a flag.” (BOOM!) “Pass interference, Defense #2.” Marylander: I feel like those three tried to break in without any weapons. Michael: Good idea to bring out the ice gun to try and freeze that spikeball. Marylander: Oh yeah. (Evacuate the Dancefloor playing) Michael: Come a little closer, closer, closer, FIRE! (BOOOOOOOM!) “Kappa looks back, Burrow deep drop, Burrow down the sideline and that’s incomplete.” Poe: Whistling (THANK YOU SO MUCH!) Marylander: You’re welcome Poe. Michael: Thank goodness you guys are alright. Jennifer: No time to talk, WE GOTTA BREAK IN RIGHT NOW! Michael: LETS GO! “1st and Goal, Lamar, wide open! Nelson Agholor, touchdown Baltimore.” Jennifer: EVACUATE THE DANCEFLOOR! I’M INFECTED BY THE SOUND! STOP THIS BEAT IS KILLING ME! HEY MR DJ LET THE MUSIC TAKE ME UNDERGROUND!
(SIREN! SIREN! SIREN!) Captain: Looks like the Beasts broke the door down. Now remember to stay put, I’m to let those tigers we have up there, take care of business for us. Bengal Babe: But honey, we can fight them head on. Captain: We’re trying not to fight them because we’re just too powerful for them to keep up with. OPEN THE CAGES PLEASE! (BEEEEEP!)
Marylander: Now where were those tiger cages they talked about? Edgar: Whistling (Yeah where were they?) Tigers: ROARRRRRRRRRRRR! Michael: WHY DID YOU JUST SAY THAT! Edgar: Whistling (I thought that the captain would be on this floor) Jennifer: They’re probably downstairs. Michael: Right, GET EM! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “They rush four, open, 30 yard line, Brown, 1st Down, and a few more.” Marylander: OOOOOOOOOOUCH! Michael: Can you make it outside the entrance? Marylander: I don’t know, I don’t want to get eaten. Michael: Guys keep fighting, I gotta check to see if the Salty Marylander is ok. Edgar: Whistling (Can I come help him) Michael: I mean he is your best friend so I guess it helps. However I may have just left Jennifer and the others on a hypothetical island. Jennifer: UH! HIGH YA! ICE POWER! (BOOOOOOOM!) “Burrow after surveying, to the end zone, is it picked off in the end zone? It’s Stephens, Brandon Stephens!” Jennifer: At least one of those tigers is frozen. We finally were able to take one out. Tigers: ROARRRRRRRRR! Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAH! “After review, the ruling on the field is an incomplete pass.” Poe: Whistling (How did that tiger break out of that ice spell?) Jennifer: I don’t know Poe, but I need Michael to come help me now! “Burrow looks that way, flushed out, throws, caught, in the end zone, touchdown. And that is Tanner Hudson.” Allan: Whistling (OUCH! That really hurt) Jennifer: What happened Allan? Allan: Whistling (I got clawed in the face) Jennifer: Don’t worry help is on the way. Now if my love could get back here any second that would be great.
Michael: Lets see, did he bite your knee. Marylander: Yes, and that really hurt. Edgar: Whistling (Don’t worry, as long as you’re still out there and fighting you’ll be ok) Marylander: I don’t know, my knee hurts pretty badly. Michael: Well don’t worry, I’ve got a healing spell ready to be used so you can get back out there. Marylander: Thank you! I’m tough enough to make it through even on one leg. Michael: No, we need you at full strength. Marylander: Ok, then use the spell. (WHOOSH!) Marylander: ARRRRRRRRRRR! Edgar: Whistling (That’s my best friend!) Michael: Now we can figure out a way to stop those tigers. Jennifer, how’s it going in there? Jennifer: It’s not getting any better for us my love. Tigers: ROARRRRRRRRRRRR! Michael: Oh great. Jennifer: Allan got scratched in the face, and would be bleeding if he was a human and not a bird. (BOOOOOM!) But that’s not even the worst of it. Michael: Then what is? “Burrow, fires, caught Chase, they’re trying to chase him down! And they cannot! Touchdown.” Jennifer: Poe is also injured. His arm is not moving properly. Michael: Luckily the Salty Marylander is ok and he along with Edgar are heading back towards the bar. Jennifer: Great. Michael: I just put the healing spell that your grandmother helped brew for us last night on him. Jennifer: Blessed. Hey Poe! Poe: Whistling (Yes) Jennifer: Go towards Michael, he’ll give you a healing spell to wake up your arm. Poe: Whistling (SWEET! Although I’m in a lot of pain.) “Deep deep drop, pressured again, all the way back, and flips it away, and caught, and taken to the 26 yard line.” Michael: Glad you could make it. Poe: Whistling (This has not been pretty) Michael: I know it isn’t. And luckily since we defeated that booby trap course, I’m able to wait outside and allow you guys to heal up, like now. (WHOOSH!) Poe: Whistling (I feel normal) Michael: The pain is gone. Now we can both head back in and finally get past those dreaded tigers. Poe: Whistling (That’s right buddy, now tell Jennifer to bring out her dust bomb) Michael: That’s a great idea. JENNIFER! Jennifer: Yes? Michael: I think it’s time for a dust bomb. Jennifer: I was just about to do that. Michael: Looks like we’re back in it! “Time set for 3 hours of dust” Jennifer: This particular dust bomb has bacteria in it so in theory each of these tigers will die within 5 minutes of the bomb being set off. Michael: Great planning. EVERYONE GO TO THE STAIRS! QUICKLY! Darkness: Alright then. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, dust bomb activated.” (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Brown again, fighting his way, ball is out, ball is out, Ravens think they have it, they do.” PAUSE.
Michael: So there are three floors to this club and my guess is that they are on the bottom floor. Poe: Whistling (I did not know that) Michael: Thank goodness everyone is ok, and thank goodness we’re out of that tiger area. Jennifer: Now how are we going to get down there and take down the captain? Michael: You know how Poe used the 360 degree camera for the fight against the Mafian Horde? Jennifer: Yes. Michael: I want Darkness to go down there not only with the camera but with the teleportation gear, and spy on that captain. You got me? Darkness: Whistling (Yes, should I take over the DJ jukebox if they have one) Michael: Sure. But be careful down there ok. If they see you we’re in serious trouble. Darkness: Whistling (I will. I’m not a secret weapon for nothing) Marylander: THAT’S THE SPIRIT! PAUSE.
Bengal Babe: Why haven’t we done anything to counter what our adversary tonight has done. Captain: Nothing because I have a secret to tell you. Bengal Babe: May I hear of the secret? Captain: If it gets to the point where we can’t handle their firepower, then we’ll bring out a giant robot to stomp all over the city. Bengal Babe: Oh that is a great secret. Captain: It’s the greatest secret that we have, and their master will be crapping his pants. Princess: MIKEY POO IS A DEAD MAN WALKING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Darkness: Whistling: (I don’t know what they’re up to, but it looks like they are talking about a top secret idea which will lead to probably mass destruction) Michael: That’s it, take control of the jukebox they have. Darkness: Whistling (I’m to throw a dart at that DJ they hired) Michael: Cool. Guest DJ: Eh. Darkness: Whistling (And he’s probably dead) Marylander: LETS GOOOOOOOOO! Darkness: Whistling (What song should I play to distract them, most of the hits they have are hard core rap songs) Jennifer: Play Thriller because that’s a perfect song for what’s about to happen any minute now. Darkness: Whistling (Ok, Thriller it is) Michael: Alright guys, we’re about to make our move. Poe: Whistling (Are we all heading down there now) Michael: Yup. Captain Wincinnati and the rest of those gangsters have been hiding down there for way too long. AND THEY WON’T BE HIDING ANYMORE!
White Bengal: HEY! HEY! HEY! I see you Princess. Princess: I’m busting me some moves right now. Darkness: Whistling (Time to make those gangsters look lost out there) “Jackson, backing up, backing away, under pressure, and down the sideline he goes, Lamar Jackson, can he stay in bounds all the way! He’s stopped inside the one.” (Thriller playing) Black Cat: Um, I thought we had only hard core rap tracks on our party playlist tonight? Captain: I thought so too, maybe this is a throwback hit to get the whole room to go crazy. Or this could mean one thing. (“DA DA! DA! DA! DA!”) (BOOOOOOOOOM!) Raven Bros: Whistling (LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!) Bengal Babe: It’s the Ravens Mascots dressed in camouflage outfits and what looks like a Ravens superfan who’s with them! Marylander: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! “They give it to Henry, indeed they do, and he backs his way in.” Captain: That’s not good honey. Now where the hell is their master and his dreaded girlfriend? I WANT TO SEE THEM RIGHT NOW! Michael/Jennifer: HI CAPTAIN! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) Captain: YOU TWO AGAIN! The unrelenting mastermind, and his beautiful sidekick who must be fighting off a lot of pain in those heels. Jennifer: Oh you must like me throwing you off guard with my dressy looks, BECAUSE I’VE DONE THIS TO YOU MORE THAN ONCE! Princess: I thought I was the pretty one. Marylander: EAT IT PRINCESS ROYAL TIGER! Michael: Yeah, don’t mess with my girl. Captain: WELL I’M ABOUT TO MESS WITH YOUR LOVER! Michael: Oh yeah, it looks like we’re about to take you down again! Captain: GET THEM! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Burrow on his way to 300, instead he gets sacked here.” Captain: How did you not get hit? Poe: Whistling (Quick feet, that’s how) Michael: Darkness! Darkness: Whistling (What’s that) Michael: How about a sneak attack from the DJ booth? Darkness: Whistling (Sure thing) (ZOOM!) “Yeah, had to avoid Ricard as well, the Fullback, meanwhile the pass is caught, Wallace makes the grab, Wallace down the sideline, Wallace is going to go all the way, assuming he stayed in bounds all the way.” Bengal Babe: OOOOOOOOOUCH! Darkness: Whistling (Thats whats up) PAUSE.
Marylander: WAIT A SECOND! “What a turnaround, oh good, Tucker for the point after! Of all the guys, NO!” Michael: Most of the time, that dart usually kills someone on initial contact, but how is she not dead? Bengal Babe: That’s because I used an epipen. Jennifer: Now that was a smart move I’ll give you that. Michael: We have a healing spell which helped out the Raven Brothers tremendously while we fought off your army of tigers, but hey, go with what you know. Captain: STOP TALKING PLEASE! Michael: Alright let’s play that game! Poe! Poe: Whistling (Yes!) Michael: You and Allan go for White Bengal’s head! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “4th and 2, with the play clock at 1, they get it off, again going deep, and that’s incomplete!” White Bengal: Uh, where am I? Princess: Are you ok? White Bengal: Yes bae. I just feel dizzy. Jennifer: YOU TWO STILL MAKE A BAD COUPLE! Michael: And the same can be said about the Captain and Bengal Babe! Captain: Don’t make me pull out my ultimate top secret. Marylander: I DON’T CARE WHAT THAT IS, YOU’RE GOING DOWN TONIGHT! Captain: I WILL DO IT! Edgar: Whistling (Hey I found a switch, what should I do?) Michael: If it involves mass destruction, go ahead. Edgar: Whistling (Alright then) “Pressure, wide open. (BEEEEEP!) Touchdown! Mark Andrews.” Gangsters: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (BOOM!)
(Hot in Herre playing) Beasts: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE! “Jackson…… struts in. Flings it away.” Poe: Whistling (Time to hit the squirrel dance) Allan: Whistling (Guys look at Poe!) Michael: I’ll join in myself. “OH! …………… Want a little bit of hot hot, and a little bit of hot hot.” Jennifer: WHAT A MOMENT! Darkness: Whistling (This party is only getting started) (Ground Rumbling) Michael: Oh no, OH NO! Marylander: This can’t be good. Michael: I feel like this was the secret that they were talking about, and the hell did we ever fall for it in the first place (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) PAUSE.
“And tonight, turning its head on a dime, Burrow going deep, GETTING FREE! CHASE! LOOK AT THIS! Just like that! And Chase is gonna strut to the 1 yard line, the crowd doesn’t like that.” Michael: So their dirty little secret was the fact that they would evolve into a giant robot in a Joe Burrow jersey and stomp their way all around the heart of the damn city. Jennifer: Luckily they didn’t hit any part of the club, and they must have risen from the ground several hundred yards away from us. Michael: From my standpoint, they probably walked about a mile, got in that robot, and busted through the ground to the streets of Baltimore. Marylander: What are we going to do now? Michael: You guys stay here and check on those dead tigers so we can possibly cook up a late night meal. Jennifer, come with me. Poe: Whistling (But you two can’t do this alone) Jennifer: Poe, we’re going to have plenty of help from the Maryland National Guard and Baltimore Police Department. Marylander: Ok, then that makes more sense. GO GET EM YOU LOVEBIRDS! Raven Bros: Whistling (WE’LL COOK UP SOME FRESH TIGER MEAT!) Michael: Thanks guys.
(Downtown Baltimore)
Captain: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! People: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Captain: BALTIMORE IS ABOUT BE UNDER OUR CONTROL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Michael: NO ITS NOT! Captain: Oh, look at how cute you two are. Looks like you need to play with some toys. Jennifer: DON’T YOU DARE TREAT US LIKE BABIES! Michael: It’s easy for you to say that because you’re as tall as a Tyrannosaurus right now. Captain: How are you two going to defeat me, you don’t have the firepower to shoot me down. Michael: Here’s the one thing you forget to realize, captain. Captain: Oh I can’t wait to hear this because you’re about to get blown up regardless. Michael: WE DIDN’T COME ALONE! (BEEP!) Jennifer: OUR PERSUASION, CAN BUILD A NATION, ENDLESS POWER, AND LOVE THAT WE CAN DEVOUR! Captain: I don’t care if you brought out the Maryland National Guard, and Baltimore Police Department, YOU’RE ALL GETTING MASSACRED TONIGHT! Police Chief: SHUT IT CAPTAIN! National Guard Officer: TROOPERS CHARGE! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “3rd and Goal, Jackson, running around, little jump pass. Touchdown! Bateman.” Michael: KEEP FIRING! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “On 4th Down, Burrow fires! And that is going to be caught at the 40 yard line. Wow.” Captain: Bad decision. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Jennifer: He did not just burn every member of the police department and National Guard to the point where they vanish to death. Captain: Give it up missy! You and your master cannot win now! Jennifer: NEVER! Michael: NOT ON THIS NIGHT! Captain: Then you leave me no choice but to spell your doom! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Looks that way, throws that way. Caught! Chase! What a night, touchdown.” Jennifer: How did we not get electrocuted by that lightning blast? Michael: I don’t know. Captain: Wait, you’re still alive? YOU’RE GOING TO BE DEAD IN JUST A SECOND! Michael: I would say we need some kind of miracle, but we both have that never say die mentality that’s served us so well. Jennifer: Look what I found. Michael: Two laser blasters. I think this should be enough to destroy that robot. Captain: Come out, come out wherever you are! You two can’t hide around here forever Michael/Jennifer: GOODNIGHT CAPTAIN! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT THIS TOWN!” “Iosivas to the right side, Chase to the left side, to the right side he goes, incomplete at the goal line!” (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)
(Ambulance Siren) Michael: Wow. Look at the damage of this mass destruction. Jennifer: I mean a bunch of buildings do have plenty of dust inside them, but my gosh did they get blasted. Michael: It looks like the captain, his wife, as well as the rest of the gangsters are all probably going to spend the night in the hospital after how much damage their bodies took from those blasters we have. Jennifer: At this point, they shouldn’t arrest them like last year and give them free will to have them return to Cincinnati. Michael: Normally I wouldn’t agree with you, but considering that all of them could have died inside that robot, I’m guessing that they’ll spend as much time in the hospital as they would have in prison had they not gotten hurt. Jennifer: Very true. Michael: With that being said, WE DID IT AGAIN! Jennifer: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Michael: I know we’ve had a ton of great moments in terms of going on dates together, and tons of lips on lips scenes. But in terms of crime fighting this is our finest hour! Jennifer: We just saved Baltimore, AGAIN! Michael: Time to head back down to Club 1722.
(Club 1722)
Poe: Whistling (We’re about to have an all you can eat buffet of tiger meat) Marylander: I really hope that Michael and Jennifer are ok. Allan: Whistling (They put themselves in harm’s way, and hopefully it paid off.) Michael: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jennifer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Poe: Whistling (Did you guys save the city?) Michael: WE DID INDEED! Raven Bros: Whistling (YEAH BABY!) Marylander: Should we call every news station in town to inform them that Club 1722 is once again open for business? Jennifer: Not right this minute. DARKNESS CUE IT UP! Darkness: Whistling (Ok Jenn, here it comes) (Gimme Gimme Gimme playing) Edgar: Whistling (What’s going on here?) Poe: Whistling (THEY’RE GONNA DANCE FOR US!) Marylander: Well those two lovebirds deserve this moment. They just fought off a giant robot from destroying our city. Michael: Finally we get to have a moment like this. Jennifer: Hehehe. “HALF PAST 12!” Raven Bros: Whistling (OOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!) Darkness: Whistling (Looks like I called up a good hit for this) Marylander: Man no wonder why they got back from that meeting at City Hall so late yesterday. Edgar: Whistling (I’m with you bro, I’ll give them credit for practicing, at least Michael’s doing this in athletic clothes compared to a suit yesterday) Marylander: No kidding Eddie. Poe: Whistling (Stop talking guys. This is so romantic!) “GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! OH SOMEBODY HELP ME CHASE THE GRIDIRON HEIGHTS! GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! TAKE ME FROM THE DARKNESS TO THE PURPLE RISE!” Both: MWWWWWWWWWA! Poe: Whistling (AAAAW! They even have a kiss segment in this dance) Marylander: I’m not gonna say a word. Edgar: Whistling (Neither am I bro) Allan: Whistling (Same. I didn’t know they could do something like this) Jennifer: Hehehe. Lift me up in the air my prince. Michael: Alright here we go. Jennifer: THIS IS HEAVEN! “GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! OH SOMEBODY HELP ME CHASE THE GRIDIRON HEIGHTS! GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! TAKE ME FROM THE DARKNESS TO THE PURPLE RISE!” Poe: Whistling (I’m speechless at this) Allan: Whistling (I agree Poe) Edgar/Marylander: WE’RE NOT WORTHY! Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Marylander/Raven Bros: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: Thank you guys so much! Michael: Same. Alright, Jennifer and I had our romantic dance, now the floor is all yours boys! Darkness, give me a beat!
(Million Dollar Baby playing) Poe: Whistling (GRIDDY!) Edgar/Allan: Whistling (HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) Marylander: LET ME GET IN ON THE FUN! Raven Bros: Whistling (HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) Michael: Look at this. We’ve got people flooding the streets in jubilation and now they’re coming down into the club. Jennifer: Darkness cue up Seven Nation Army! (Seven Nation Army playing) Crowd: O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! Jennifer: I thought our victory over the Mafian Horde was amazing, but this is a night that none of us will ever forget. Crowd: CHARM CITY BEASTS! CHARM CITY BEASTS! CHARM CITY BEASTS! CHARM CITY BEASTS! CHARM CITY BEASTS! Michael: FIRST OF ALL! HALLELUJAH! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: Looks like they want us to kiss. Michael: Alright then. Both: MWWWWA! MWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Jennifer: Aw, the crowd has lifted the Raven Brothers and Salty Marylander up in the air. Michael: Looks like they’re going for a ride tonight. Jennifer: You wanna say it? Michael: Say what? Jennifer: You know the question that’s on everyone’s mind right now. Michael: Yes I do, and I want you to join me in doing so. Jennifer: Michael, this is why I love you so much. Both: MWWWWWWWWA! Michael/Jennifer: WHOS GOT IT BETTER THAN US! Crowd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!!!
(CHARM CITY BEASTS)
Bragging Rights Sports 