Narrator: Charm City Beasts. Since its inception in September of 2020, its probably my greatest work of creativity and most popular series on this blog by a wide margin. Recapping the storylines of my favorite team in all of sports after every week during Football Season makes me feel good about myself and the people that support me. I never thought this year for both the Ravens and the NFL would be as bizarre as it became, but anyways lets begin recapping the journey of Season 2 of Bragging Rights Sports’ greatest series!
Bragging Rights Sports Presents:
A Maryland Culture Production
CHARM CITY BEASTS
The Full Season 2
Prologue
Baltimore Ravens (Charm City Beasts presents: Ravens vs ESPN): Once again the Ravens have expectations of a Super Bowl run and they are looking to make their Run-First offense even more unstoppable. (Excluding JK Dobbins and his ACL tear, DEAR GOD!) To do this they went out and signed Sammy Watkins and drafted a potential game changer in Rashod Bateman. CRACK! Right after his preseason injury. (Also they got 2 excellent receiver coaches to help them out) Even if he suffered another dose of COVID19, Lamar Jackson is once again looking to regain his MVP form from 2 years ago and with a revamped O-Line he should produce in bunches. But like most years the key ingredient towards a deep playoff run in Baltimore is the defense. (And Greg Roman not being a choke artist in the playoffs) Even if they lost their 2 best pass rushers and LJ Fort is out with a Torn ACL they did add Justin Houston and Odafe Oweh to a talented unit known as the MonStars. If there is anything that John Harbaugh thrives on it’s making ESPN excluding Rex Ryan and Dominique Foxworth eat their words. The mothership’s own Jeremy Fowler is turning into Baltimore’s version of Eric Woodyard since he says that Era8 is going to get figured out. Harbs, you know what to do? END THEIR PRECIOUS NARRATIVES YET AGAIN! (It would be vintage Ravens if they reign over the Browns and Bungles again after how much smack those cities have talked)
Episode 1: at Raiders (A sign of things to come)
Narrator: To the delight of most of you football fans as well as fellow Marylanders, Charm City Beasts is returning for a 2nd season. Although this year we will see full capacity stadiums, and more raging and laughter throughout the year. Yes, I potentially did add a new series involving the Green Bay Packers if there is drama coming out of Lambeau but this is still the main attraction plus the addition of The Pride of Penn State Football. Anyways let’s open up a new season of tales from the blue collar streets of Baltimore. Away we go!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Marquise Brown, Calais Campbell, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, Don Martindale, with Eric DeCosta, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest appearances by “The Salty Marylander.”
Season 2, Episode 1: A Massive Wake Up Call
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: If there has been anything going on in training camp it’s that many of the Ravens players have had to go throw the injury bug. Action Jackson and Gus Edwards had to go through the COVID bug during the opening week of camp. Not to mention 1st Round pick Rashod Bateman had to miss 6 weeks via groin surgery. Even worse, CRACK! JK Dobbins is out for the year with a torn ACL. The good news for Ravens fans is that Gus the Bus is still here and Tyson Williams played excellent in the preseason. And then Justice Hill went down with a torn achilles. (Marylander: Now what!) Now down to only 2 healthy backs and Pat Ricard it was obvious they needed a proven veteran on the squad. Luckily someone listened! Eric DeCosta and Ozzie Newsome saw the team’s depleted RB room and said one thing. You know what this offense needs? LE’VEON BELL! (One of Bells Rap Tracks playing in the background) Yes he hasn’t had elite production since 2017 but we saw what Mark Ingram did behind this O-Line. I feel like Villanueva recruited him once JK went down but hey those 2 want revenge on Mike Tomlin in every way there is. As long as he returns to his once great form as a Steeler he’s got a bright future with this team. I also learned from fellow Ravens insider Ingraven that Gus the Bus is also a pro rapper to go along with the once Prodigal Son of YinzerLand. Just keep that good content away from the Under Armour Performance Center and you’ll be fine boys. This isn’t the first time Baltimore has signed a Steeler legend who wore #26, they signed future 1st Ballot Hall of Famer Rod Woodson in 1998 and it led to the franchises 1st Super Bowl title and the greatest defense in NFL History. (Thus dawning the Ravens Steelers rivalry) Not only did they get that signing out of the way, they extended Mark Andrews with a 4 year $56 Million contract to avoid the possibility of him hitting the FA market. All they need to do is extend Bradley Bozeman and we’re all set. Now they have their eyes set on getting DeVonta Freeman and Latavius Murray because of one simple reason. CRACK! Marylander: ARE YOU (sensored) KIDDING ME! HOW MANY INJURIES ARE WE GOING TO GET THIS YEAR! GUS THE BUS AND MARCUS PETERS! SOMEBODY FIRE SAUNDERS IMMEDIATELY! PAUSE
Narrator: With injuries to several offensive playmakers excluding the now healthy Hollywood Brown and Sammy Watkins, John Harbaugh states that there is no panic in terms of players getting reps. He says that it will be hard for these guys to come back but we have confidence in almost anyone on this roster. Even if their potential star wideout Rashod Bateman was out, this was a huge boost for 2nd year receiver James Proche. After outplaying everyone in preseason and training camp, he is ready to establish himself as a key threat in the Ravens new look offense. The defense meanwhile has been healthy excluding LJ Fort who is also out for the season. (Look everyone JOSH BYNES! He’s Back Again!) Marlon Humphrey told the media that it doesn’t matter who we have on defense, we just have to do our jobs and win. Luckily for Wink Martindale, the Ravens added Justin Houston and Odafe Oweh to a defense that is loaded with talent. Plus Patrick Queen has a new look and he is ready to do some serious damage now that Bynes is back as one of the starting Linebackers after a year away from B-More. Once again the major headline this offseason plus the preseason was a Civil War brewing between ESPN’s Jeremy Fowler and the Ravens ESPN insider Jamison Hensley. Fowler stated that this is the year that Lamar Jackson is going to get figured out. (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! SHOTS FIRED!!!) The good news for Hensley is that he had a right hand at his side, ACTION JACKSON! He was asked by the Ravens long time beat writer whether he saw that headline on GET-UP that morning. Lamar stated that he didn’t see the headline, but also said it will be fake news since he has a new look offense full of talent on the outside. Fowler plus Dan Orlovsky and Jeff Darlington said that the Ravens don’t have an elite offense now that Dobbins is out and nearly every single receiver is injured. (Thank you for ticking off Johnny again ESPN!) I wonder who else is joining this discussion? BOOM! Stephen A Smith saying that LJ isn’t an elite QB. Hasn’t this guy trashed my teams enough already! First he said Milwaukee is a terrible city and Giannis is soft and now THIS! Something smells like a Week 1 statement just like the last 3 years.
Just like 2 years ago all of the salty Marylanders are in a massive feud with the Jungle, Dawg Pound, and Yinzers over AFC North bragging rights. Just like at the NFL Draft this year in Cleveland the bad blood that these fan bases have on each other is hilarious to witness. In some cases it is a 2v2 in terms of traditions and narratives. The Marylanders and Yinzers surprisingly are the smart ones, they have longtime power over the division and expect their teams to be good every year. The Ohio teams have the arrogant fans, players, and front office people that think their hotshots on paper. (Media: Browns and Bengals ruling the North is the New Frontier. Marylander: NOT IN BALTIMORE IT ISN’T!) Time will tell which side wins this war. Who will the media side with? (ESPN and NBC pick Browns/Bengals to make playoffs, Ravens/Steelers for missing playoffs) Marylander: Oh No! NO NO NO NO NO DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!! You guys have made the same mistakes in 2008, 2015 and 2019, don’t get fooled by the injuries coming out of Baltimore and Pittsburgh! I swear they just want perhaps the 2 most long suffering franchises in football to get payback on the teams that have owned them for years. (Same thing with the Maple Leafs in the NHL and the Fighting Irish in College Football) Narrator: Calm down my friend, we still have plenty of time to make a statement. Marylander: Ok, that’s fine.
Narrator: In Week 1 the Ravens face a potential trap game situation, even though they are an NFL best 10-3 on Opening Day since 2008 they have to enter the brand new “Death Star” that is Allegiant Stadium to face the Las Vegas Raiders. This is an even tougher task for Baltimore since this is the “REAL” grand opening of NFL Football in Las Vegas. (The Raiders didn’t have fans during COVID last year) To motivate them on game day the Ravens used Carmelo Anthony to narrate their weekly pregame hype video this week. For the 1st time in 11 years the Ravens play a team that is playing in their stadium’s debut for fans on Monday Night Football. That year they played the Jets in the grand opening of MetLife Stadium and won 10-9 thanks to some excellent defense and REFBALL saving Joe Flacco from a disastrous first look that season. This time they face the relocated Black Hole and a Raiders team looking to shed their doubters. They started 6-3 last year only to collapse and finish 8-8 which eventually led Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock to overhaul the defense. Vegas has several former Ravens on the roster including Willie Snead, Yannick Ngakoue and Darren Waller. The Ravens are entering hell, a raucous environment where RaiderNation is throwing batteries and golf balls at their opposing foes from the Charm City. All of the trash talk that Raider fans have talked about at the Flock is only going to make their opponents stronger.
This game requires an angry tone because of all of the doubters that Harbaugh and his team are trying to shed! Early in the game it was obvious that the Ravens were the better team. Other than a few key plays on the opening drive of the game Vegas could do nothing. And with a refreshed Action Jackson and Ty’Son Williams making a good first impression the Ravens took an early 14-0 lead. But the game turned on a single play. We all know that Greg Roman is an aggressive play caller that lives and dies by the run game, and in this game it was no different. Instead of running a bootleg with Lamar they gave it to Latavius Murray and he got stopped quickly. It may have only led to a field goal but it got the crowd back into the game. Throughout the game Baltimore’s defense was all over Derek Carr. Every Time the Raiders had a solid drive going the Ravens defense would stop them. Leading 17-10 early in the 4th Quarter the Ravens were going for the kill, they had the ball at midfield and one touchdown would basically put the game away. BOOM! However the Raiders defense continued their domination over the Ravens offensive line, Jackson lost the ball and Vegas recovered! And just like that Carr and the Raiders offense unlocked their talents and abilities. Vegas stormed back and tied the game because Tavon Young decided to be an idiot and trip over Hunter Renfroe in the endzone. However the high-end talent of the Ravens came back with avengence. They stormed down the field quickly and highlighted by a bomb from Jackson to Sammy Watkins the Ravens were back in business. As soon as Latavius Murray scored it appeared that the Raiders had no hope. (HEAVY METAL MUSIC!) You’ve got to be kidding me! Martindale when are you going to realize that blitzing against a speed based offense doesn’t work especially against the pass? This is how you get beat by Kansas City everytime you play them and how are you going to stop them next week if you can’t contain Henry Ruggs and Waller? Oh so now we see them not blitzing Carr and yet that doesn’t work. With the game now tied we have to rely on high-end talent to win the game! So far everything is working, beautiful talent as far as they eye can see. Even though they failed to run out the clock they kicked a field goal to take the lead with 35 seconds left. (Good boy JT) All they need to do is stop the Raiders who have no timeouts (Game tied) YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! How can this defense be so good and then they can’t do anything when it matters? And even worse Vegas is getting the ball first in OT. Someone make a play, I know we are down Peters and Jimmy Smith but how is this continuing to occur? (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) “Touchdown and this game is over!” Told you this would happen. HOLD IT! “After review the runner was down at the 1 yard line, it will be 1st and Goal Las Vegas at the Baltimore 1 yard line.” Ok, the Football Gods are giving us 1 more chance, please cause the laughter. “Carr throws and it’s off the hands of Snead and INTERCEPTED!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (This is why we cut Willie Snead this offseason) PAUSE.
Ok we kind of got lucky there but now we have a chance to make premium Nevada salt right now. Lamar I don’t ask for much, but just get us into field goal and get out of here so we can prepare for KC. “Jackson is trying to get out and can’t do it! He’s taken down and it’s out! AND THE RAIDERS HAVE RECOVERED IT!” Villanueva we need to talk, how in the world can you not block a legit speed rusher if you live depended on it? Wasn’t that your specialty in Pittsburgh? Now you’ve just made the media blame this entire game on Lamar when everyone else on the O-Line and Defense got schooled. And even worse Vegas is in field goal range. “Carr under pressure, he throws a deep ball to Zay Jones who HAS IT! TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOWN! RRRRRRAIDERS!” (A former Ravens practice squad player burning Marlon Humphrey to win the game, somebody please call for Wink’s head right now) Marylander: Give me one second. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” PAUSE.
John Harbaugh should have been fired after the 4th and 12 game against Cincinnati in 2017! THERE I SAID IT! You know how he would overmanage the defensive play calling and chuck a god awful Rashaan Melvin into the secondary to blow leads? IT HAPPENED AGAIN! I don’t know if he was punting for playing Patrick Mahomes or staring at the Raiders on a hill of Action Jackson but it failed miserably. This kind of meltdown makes Brian Billick grin in delight! 4th Quarter you have Marlon Humnphrey shutting down Henry Ruggs and beginning his case for Defensive Player of the Year. Who do you switch him with, BRANDON STEVENS! (A Rookie playing out of position due to injuries) Am I supposed to be shocked that he gave up 3 large gains in the 4th Quarter or OT? Even worse was their final drive! Ty’Son Williams had a strong game, you kept him out there. He couldn’t block Maxx Crosby, YOU STILL KEPT HIM OUT THERE! WHAT IN THE NAME OF TRENT DILFER WERE YOU DOING! Murray may not be what he was in 2016 but you still had him on the bench all night long? YOU BLEW THIS GAME! You wasted Lamar’s outstanding performance! What will your excuse be this time, we weren’t prepared for that kind of crowd noise. The NFL’s version of Mike Budenholzer, Prove me Wrong!
And where would I be if I didn’t get on Steve Saunders. All week as well as training you had one job! Make sure everyone is healthy by Week 1! You didn’t! We’ve now lost our 3 starting RB’s, our #2 corner, our starting LG, out #2 ILB, and now Lamar is in danger of being out for the season if their Tackles can’t block speed rushers. Look there’s still time to change this but if anyone needs to leave it’s him. They won’t fire him because he and Megan McLaughlin have been there since the end of the Billick era. Loyalty is supreme in this organization isn’t it! PAUSE.
It’s time to face hard truths and I know the entire state of Ohio is cheering as I say this, the Ravens are in massive danger of losing their 20+ year Super Bowl window! This was the game they had to win. Why? Because of who they play next week! Next they have to play their newage boogeyman in the Kansas City Chiefs, I know the game is at NIGHT GAME HELL that is M&T, but from how the Baltimore Sun has had to advertise PSL Owner memberships this summer for the first time ever it’s looking like 50% of the stadium will be Chiefs fans. And not to mention they have to play Denver plus the LA Chargers and both of them will be as good as the Raiders. I know it’s not the end of the world as we know it, I get that but DEAR GOD this is brutal. If you can’t hold a 14 point lead against a team you should beat by at least 10 points you should be crushed by real teams. They won’t worry about it though, they’ll pretend that they can beat the Chiefs while running the same defensive plays over and over again. Please don’t tell me that I made a deal with the devil for the Bucks to win the NBA Championship. This is punishment for that isn’t this!
Episode 2: vs Chiefs (We are not drunk this is accurate)
Ray Lewis: “THE MOMENT IS HERE! WE HAVE BEEN HERE 3 YEARS IN A ROW! AND WE LET THIS TEAM OFF THE HOOK! MAKE SURE SOMETHING TONIGHT THAT WILL TAKE YOU FROM THIS MOMENT MAN! CUZ ITS ALL WE GOT! THAT’S WHAT Y’ALL DON’T REALIZE MOST OF THE TIME, WE DON’T GET THIS AGAIN! WE DON’T GET THIS AGAIN THE CLOCK RUNS TO FAST! THAT’S WHY WE GOT SAVOR THESE MOMENTS, CUZ THEY BRIGHTEN OUT! I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN I WAS 24 OR 25! THAT’S WHY GOD HAD TO CONSECRATE ME SO I COULD SEE HOW GREAT MY BLESSING WAS THAT HE HAD FOR ME! SO I HAD TO GO FROM A JAIL CELL TO BE IN POSITION. AND THEN STEP ON THE SUPER BOWL PODIUM MAN! I DON’T DO THIS FOR ME! I JUST WATCH ENOUGH FILM TO MAKE MYSELF IN POSITION TO MAKE SURE MY DEFENSE IS THE BEST DEFENSE IN DAMN FOOTBALL! THAT’S WHY I COME BACK! WE ARE NOT LETTING THIS TEAM GET OUT OF HERE THIS TIME! THAT’S WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR A W! When we get off that bus tomorrow we walk up there with a swagger, and we’re here for one thing, a W!”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Ty’Son Williams, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Alejandro Villanueva, Patrick Queen, Odafe Oweh, Marlon Humphrey, John Harbaugh, Tee Martin, Don Martindale, with Greg Roman, and Eric DeCosta. Guest appearances by the “Salty Marylander” and KC Wolf.
Season 2 Episode 2: ALL NARRATIVES SHALL BE SHED!
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Every Marylander is under a massive concern surrounding the Ravens. Following a game where they easily should have won there are plenty of questions based on the health of this once heavy contender. John Harbaugh told the media that we aren’t going to focus on the defeat because if we do it will distract us from what we want to accomplish. He states that we have to improve discipline on defense especially against teams with speed. Wink Martindale heard him clear and stated that he will not dial up as many blitzes as he did last week in the coming future. (It will be tough since they have problems getting to the QB but if he still calls all-out blitzes it could be Gonzo Time for him) Following another disastrous performance from the Baltimore Offensive Line, Action Jackson is trying to not back down against his once trusted protectors. He stated that it’s a hard job if you are under pressure on almost every play, sometimes it happens and when it does you need to prepare for it. If anyone was given blame for the loss in Vegas by the Maryland faithful it was the Army Ranger. Villanueva was getting cooked all night by Maxx Crosby and in a 1-1 meeting with Jamison Hensley he stated that I can’t worry about plays that happened in the past, I just need to stop telling myself that I can’t do this. I have a lot to prove and it will just take time. Even worse for the offensive line is that Tyre Phillips, their promising LG is out for a while via an ankle injury. Hopefully nothing else happens with that unit, CRACK! Marylander: HOLY GOOD GRACIOUS FOOTBALL GODS! STOP WITH ALL THE INJURIES FOR ABOUT A WEEK! Ronnie Stanley is potentially out AGAIN! It’s only a matter of time until LJ gets Drew Bledsoed. Hasn’t this team suffered enough? (This is payback from the Gods for 1995 isn’t it) Narrator: Yes they have but don’t let all this ruin your hopes early. Marylander: Ok, sounds good.
Narrator: (Tomahawk Chop playing) This upcoming matchup screams a similar scenario to what Boy Wonder and his staff had to deal with during the 2011 season. (More on that story shortly) Not only is their Super Bowl Contender status at stake they now face their boogeyman who knows their coaching staff like a book. KANSAS CITY! The salt from the last 3 years is fresh on everyone’s mind. 3 games the Ravens easily could have won erased thanks to Patrick Mahomes and his houdini type skills. (Plus Derek Wolfe and his 2 roughing the passer hits in last year’s game) We now bring the Marylander back in for a history lesson, give us your thoughts. Marylander: This isn’t the 1st time in the Harbaugh Era that the Ravens have been an afterthought by the media following a loss against a team that is below their talent level. In 2011 they lost a Monday Night game in Week 8 to a 1-5 Jaguars team with Blaine Gabbert as Jacksonville’s QB on a last minute touchdown following a facemask call on Bernard Pollard. (YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT) The media was crucifying Joe Flacco and Cam Cameron all week for only gaining 200 yards against one of the worst defenses in football. And even worse they had a short week before heading into Heinz Field the following Sunday Night. At that time the Ravens were 0-8 against Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh all time dating back to the Billick Era. That week Johnny decided to play Renegade each of the 5 days leading up to that game. What happens the Ravens shock the football world by beating the Steelers on a last second TD via Torrey Smith. Who knows maybe the same thing occurs here (Wolf Howling) What’s that noise? Narrator: I don’t know? Why don’t we go looking for it? Marylander: It’s this way. Ah the Kansas City Wolf! What are you doing here? Wolf: (Howling translation) Well I heard that you guys are planning for a massive atmosphere at the NFL’s most daunting night game destination to welcome your fans back, and we’re here to spoil your party. Marylander: OH YOU’VE DONE IT NOW! WE’RE GONNA KNOCK YOU OFF THE SAME WAY WE DID TO THE STILLERS IN 2011! Narrator: All right you 2, save that for later in the show. Rivals: Fine, what evs. (Howling)
In the beginning it was very similar to the games of the past 3 years. The Ravens offense got sloppy early on as Action Jackson gave the Honey Badger a Pick6 and a 7-0 lead on the first series of the game. (Thank Sammy Watkins for tripping on that play) Then unlike most years whenever Baltimore has had to play the Chiefs they stuck to their gameplan. They pounded the ball against the vaunted KC Defensive Line and quickly got into the endzone to tie the game. On that play Ty’Son Williams fumbled but luckily Devin Duvernay was there to rescue it. So far a good start but the Chiefs will be relentless in their quick strike attack. Example: a long bomb to DeMarcus Robinson exposing a zone package. (Marlo rarely gets burned on that play) This has been Kansas City’s formula, if you focus on 1 man it opens everything else up. The Ravens are trying to respond, they need to make their Alumni proud. Look at how the offensive line got called for illegal formation near the Chiefs 30 yard line. The Army Ranger should have been in the right spot, not Roman’s fault. Making up for that glitch, Action Jackson leads his mates to another interception. This was due to the O-Line being unable to block Chris Jones for the only time in the game. However the Ravens responded quickly as they went right down the field following a Kansas City punt for the tying score. But like most times over the last few years the Chiefs always take the lead right back thanks to efficient passing and speed. Luckily for the 71,000 fans at M&T Bank Stadium the Ravens would try and match them point for point. Even as Justin Tucker kicked a field goal thanks to Lamar getting them down the field before halftime there is hope in Charm City. Marylander: WE NEED TO END THIS NOW! Narrator: The Ravens can do this! They are playing with a fire they lacked last week in Vegas. This optimism is short lived as the KC Wild West Variety Show stormed down the field and scored on a drag route over the middle to Bryon Pringle. The only way for the Ravens to keep up with the Chiefs passing attack is by making big plays of their own. Think of a jump pass from Lamar to Hollywood as the Jet beats the last line of defenders to cut the lead to 4. (Lamar copied Mahomes from 2 years ago WHAT A SHOCKER!) But just when you think the Ravens will finally catch up Kansas City pulls off a highlight play. Marylander: SERIOUSLY HOW IN THE WORLD CAN NOBODY ON THIS DEFENSE MAKE A TACKLE ON TRAVIS KELCE!? How much draft capital and money have we used on defensive players? CAN WE SOMEHOW NOT ALLOW THEM TO BREAK OFF BIG PLAYS! I know we are dealing with injuries but DEAR GOD WE HAVE GOT TO FIX THIS QUICKLY! PAUSE.
Narrator: Oh great the Ravens can’t cover Kelce and are going to lose to the Chiefs again, something needs to happen so that this ship cannot be sunk. “Mahomes rolling towards the middle, he gets hit as he throws it, and it’s Picked Off by Tavon Young!” Ok a little bit of breathing room but hey there’s still a chance. Now there’s more than a chance that the Ravens can come back because Lamar and his crew quickly capitalized and made it a 5 point game even if they tried going for 2 from the 7 following a penalty. Now it’s up to the defense to make another key play, did Patrick Mahomes just miss on a 3rd Down pass, in what way was that possible in this game. Can they? I don’t know, it’s just a matter of time before KC wakes up. For now Baltimore has seized the momentum. They once again destroy the Chiefs D-Line up front and they make it to the doorsteps of the endzone. All Lamar has to do is score and the Ravens finally would have the lead. “Jackson on a read option, goes to the right and is UNTOUCHED and the Ravens are in the lead!” Did the Ravens just take a 4th Quarter lead? What world are we living in? Did the Ravens just erase an 11 point 4th Quarter deficit? Do I dare believe, or will they break my heart again? Wait hold on, yes they will because this is Kansas City and they will pull out a win out of their bazookas like in 2018 just watch. All they need to do is kick a field goal and end it. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) “They give it to Edwards Helaire and he LOSES THE FOOTBALL! WHO HAS IT? BALTIMORE! THE CHIEFS WON’T EVEN GET A FIELD GOAL!” Odafe Oweh sheds through the guy they traded away for him and makes the play of the game. (WE ARE! PENN STATE!!!) But the Chiefs still had all 3 timeouts and used them wisely. Now it’s 4th and 1, now Harbaugh is trying to do what Bill Belichick couldn’t do in 2009 against the Colts. Convert a 4th and Short in his own territory to win the game. “Jackson keeps up the left side and it’s a 1ST DOWN! AND THE RAVENS ARE GONNA BEAT THE CHIEFS!!!” Oh my gosh, they beat Kansas City. They beat Kansas City! They beat the Chiefs. No way that just happened. They did it, they beat Kansas City! Marylander: THEY DID IT! THEY BEAT KANSAS CITY! (FULL REID AND MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!!! League of Legends theme playing) YOU HEAR THAT! OH MY GOSH THEY BEAT KANSAS CITY WITH 15 PLAYERS ON IR!!! THE CHIEFS ARE CLEARLY BEATABLE!!!
Narrator: It finally happened! The Ravens defeated Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid! The Boys in Purple are still Super Bowl Contenders. Marylander and All of Baltimore: THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: This game says a lot about both teams. The Chiefs defensively have been exposed, they can’t do anything against legit talent. They must rely on the Legend of Zoom and “The Patrick Price” to bail them out. The Ravens, despite their issues on defense, made big plays when they had to. And they didn’t do that in Vegas last week. It is what Ravens fans envisioned. A repeat of 2011 against the Steelers! The boogeyman has been defeated but there are still greater challenges that await. But for one day at least, we can all live in the sun by one fact: LAMAR JACKSON HAS FINALLY BEATEN HIS KRYPTONITE. Marylander: I wonder where that Wolf is? Narrator: He’s gone now he was too upset after the game just like Nick Wright was. Marylander: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Narrator: I wonder what can make this weekend even crazier? “Intercepted by Brisker! AND PENN STATE HAS KNOCKED OFF THE AUBURN TIGERS!” (Call that a preview for The Pride of Penn State Football) Marylander: Great weekend for us isn’t it! Narrator: Yeah it is! Like Ray Lewis doing the Squirrel Dance, SO ARE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Marylander: “WE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS’ GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! (X4) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Episode 3: at Lions (All Hail Justin Tucker!)
Narrator: Ah freedom! Finally we can relax, we don’t have to hear about how Lamar can’t win big games, beat Mahomes, or anything else besides the Super Bowl. We can just focus on winning football games without narratives. It’s like when we finally knocked off Pittsburgh a decade ago. So who are the Ravens playing this weekend? (Marylander: A soft opponent on paper) Narrator: GOOD!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Ronnie Stanley, Alejandro Villanueva, Calais Campbell, Odafe Oweh, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, with Greg Roman, and Don Martindale. Guest appearances by the “Salty Marylander” and a Muppet News Reporter
Season 2 Episode 3: The DemiGod of a Kicker Crushes Motown (AGAIN)
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: It has been a quiet week in Owings Mills. Even after a solid win over a long time nemesis there is still plenty of focus surrounding the team. After a wild celebration Sunday Night, John Harbaugh stated that we have plenty of work left to do especially on defense. Despite giving up 68 points in 2 games (Most in Opening 2 games since 2013) he states that we have made improvement from a week ago despite the collapse in the 4th Quarter. To be clear they faced probably the 2 best offensive units in the AFC to start the season. Now with their biggest test out of the way the Ravens can now breathe a sigh of relief. They are not being criticized by the media for a whole week for one of the few times this week. However there is a new whipping boy for the Marylanders to go for. Former NFL player Uche Nwaneri. He is one of the hosts on the Dumpster Fire with the legendary 5 Point Vids, and UrinatingTree. During his preseason predictions he had both the Bengals and Browns making the AFC Championship and had the Ravens and Chiefs both missing the playoffs. In fact he called Lamar and Greg Roman a “Solved Math Problem” before the season began. (That quote has aged very quickly) Now he has said that despite their win over the Chiefs claims that one of these weeks Lamar is going to get RG3’d and their style of play isn’t sustainable. Also I forgot to mention this, he had the Broncos crushing us in Week 4. (Marylander: You’re going to eat your words Uche) If this were a fan or former player from a team that has been consistently good I would be ok with it. Here is why I’m not, HE IS A JAGS FAN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (He was part of that Jaguars team that beat the Ravens in 2011 before they knocked off the Steelers) PAUSE
The next compelling story is surrounding the health of 1st Round pick Rashod Bateman. Harbaugh has said that we are trying to work him back into the lineup as soon as we can but it will take time for him to get up to game speed. The same can be said about Le’Veon Bell, many are still wondering why Bell isn’t on the field and that answer is simple. They want to see what they have in Freeman, Williams, and Murray. It’s similar to the Dez Bryant situation last year but his time will come eventually. In other news Ronnie Stanley and Marlon Humphrey started their own podcast this week called “Guru Punch”. In their first episode they are convincing guests to drop their favorite Leonardo DaVinci emojis for the chat so that they can reveal who has the best one. Back to the Lamar saga, even when Action Jackson silenced the media once again, everyone was wondering why he wasn’t at practice at the end of the week? He had a stomach flu which is not COVID related but that didn’t stop social media from blowing up. Luckily for Jackson he had someone that was on the same page as him, Jamison Hensley. (The Ravens Longtime ESPN Reporter) He stated that Lamar is most likely going to play following that short absence. Also LJ told Hensley after the Chiefs game that he called KC his kryptonite one time. The last time he was questionable in his career he threw 5 TDs against the Jets on Thursday Night Football in 2019. Lets see who he will be getting his shot against this time. For an explanation on this matchup we go to a muppet newsman for the revealing of this game. Muppet: INNNNNNNNN BREAKKKKKKKING NEEEEEEEWS! (He was the muppet in the Cameo Video when the schedule came out in May) The Ravens will head to Detroit, for their matchup against the Lions this weekend. GO KICK SOME LION BUTT!
With that being said the Ravens should have a soft opponent to beat on for once following clashes against 2 AFC Powerhouses. The last time these 2 teams met in MoTown was a Monday Night game in Week 15 of 2013. In that game Baltimore beat the Lions without even scoring a touchdown, but that was due to Justin Tucker kicking 6 field goals including a 61 yarder at the gun. (The game that made him a legend in NFL/Ravens LORE!) That game also was the beginning of the end for Harbs old buddy Jim Schwartz in Detroit as head coach. With his opponent being a rookie in Dan Campbell the 59 year old boy wonder should have smooth sailing to their 1st road win of the year. COUGH! Are you kidding me? (Justin Houston, Jaylon Ferguson, Brandon Williams, and Justin Madabuike OUT!) First injuries, NOW COVID AGAIN! Now they are down to their 3rd string DT but at least they are deep at OLB with a certain Defensive Rookie of the Year now starting. Yes Odafe Oweh looks like a stud after 2 weeks but now he gets to face Lions Rookie Tackle Penei Sewell. (This should be interesting)
Early in this game like the one in Vegas 2 weeks ago the Ravens defense started out strong. Baltimore got pressure on Jared Goff and forced him to make quick decisions that cost him. The Ravens tried to open up the game but either stalled on 3 straight plays, or Justin Tucker kicked a 49 yarder wide to the right. (More on him later) Early on the Ravens were playing down to their competition on offense but there was still time for a statement. Action Jackson despite his running abilities being limited looked very poised in the pocket. If it weren’t for a certain Marquise Brown suddenly having a week of butterfingers he would have had his best single game throwing the ball in his career. Even if Hollywood dropped at least 2 touchdowns, they got big games out of Devin Duvernay, and Mark Andrews. Duvernay in fact scored his 2nd touchdown in as many weeks as LJ took advantage of the Lions blowing a coverage in the endzone. With a 13-0 lead in the 3rd Quarter it looked like a defensive statement was being made.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Not this again! There is always one game a year where the Ravens let a bad team keep up with them thanks to sloppy play in the 2nd Half and penalties. Baltimore was crushing Detroit but then REFBALL made an appearance and suddenly the Raven lead was down to 13-7. But it’s ok, Jackson marched his team down the field for a JT field goal and a 16-7 lead. The defense just needs one stop as, Marylander: Why on earth can’t our defense defend in the 3rd or 4th Quarter of games this year? I know we are down several starters up front, and in the secondary, but why is DeShon Elliott always limping in these games? Narrator: As a result the Baltimore lead is narrowed to 2 points. At least Jackson and the offense are moving the ball via the air game. Even though the Lions forced them into a 3rd Down Lamar is looking for a big play as… Marylander: Why on earth is Hollywood not going for the ball on that play! I know he is afraid of dropping it again but YOU’VE GOTTA BE ABLE TO MAKE PLAYS IN THESE SPOTS! Narrator: Thus the inevitable is happening, the Ravens following their statement against the Chiefs is allowing a winless team to potentially beat them. Marylander: Aren’t you guys proud! LOOK AT THIS DEFENSE BEND WITH EVERYTHING TO PLAY FOR! They are allowing a team with 3 good offensive players to keep up with them, and now their 13 point lead is gone! I don’t think Detroit is going to win but DEAR GOD something needs to happen. In other words can we please get rid of Martindale and his now overrated schemes? “Jackson is forced out of bounds, and now it’s 4th and long!” Oh my goodness it’s going to happen, the Ravens losing to a team they should easily dominate. Didn’t they not realize that the Lions weren’t going to play them soft. No need for worries because look at all of that juicy talent we have! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! (A random big play on a 4th and 19 thanks to Lamar and his arm) Narrator: Now the question is how far can Justin Tucker kick it? He did make a 60 yarder in warmups and almost made a 65 yarder before the game on both ends too. Now he has to try one from 66 YARDS OUT? It’s unlikely that he will make it but hey if anyone can do it, it has to be JT. “Tucker’s kick is on the way, it is OFF THE CROSSBAR! AND IT TUMBLES THROUGH!!! IT IS GOOD!!!” (Lion King theme playing) Holy Cow, they did it AGAIN! For the 2nd week in a row the Ravens snatch victory from the jaws of defeat! (If Villanueva could block Maxx Crosby in Week 1 it would be 3 weeks in a row) Marylander: JT THE GOOOOOOOOOOAT!!! PAUSE.
Narrator: First of all I need to make one thing clear about who is the winner of this week’s FOOTBALL FOLLIES! The honor goes to the fans of the Detroit Lions who are claiming that they got screwed because they didn’t call a delay of game penalty right before that kick. According to “Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh” there was no evidence that there should have been a delay of game penalty because the game clock was a few seconds slower at Ford Field than it was on TV. Dan Campbell said that this is the worst call I’ve seen in my years of being a coach or assistant. To be fair I would feel bad for Detroit if they weren’t playing the Ravens. Because us Marylanders are usually the ones getting robbed by REFBALL in games against weaker teams. You know what would have helped Lions fans, NOT GIVING UP A 4TH AND 19 DEEP IN BALTIMORE TERRITORY! This is one of the most Lionest games to have ever been Lioned! And I think we need the Marylander’s take on this one!
Marylander: Ah the relief that is going through our veins right now. To me this isn’t joy, this is relief since we almost lost to a team we should have crushed on paper. There are still a few issues that need to be fixed, but they can be made up quickly. Luckily the Ravens are getting Derek Wolfe, Nick Boyle, and Rashod Bateman back within the next 10 days so everything is going to be fine. Next week we are going to be in a massive showdown against the undefeated Broncos. If they can win in the Rocky Mountains it would lead to a possible smooth sailing towards another huge lead in the division. The only good news for us is that we aren’t living in a world where the Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals are ahead of the Baltimore Ravens Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers. (It would be the end of the world in Maryland and Pennsylvania) Anyways great win, start playing California Love on Spotify because THE RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPA BOWL!!! Narrator: There is still a long way to go buddy, and Denver is coming for us next week. (Tune in for an exciting new CHARM CITY BEASTS episode from the heart of the Rocky Mountains!)
Episode 4: at Broncos (“Kinda BS” -Vic Fangio)
January 12, 2013. “The Ravens need help from above, they are out of timeouts, the clock is running, the Ravens have to snap it quickly from the gun. Denver rushes 3, Flacco steps up, throws deep, far sideline Jacoby Jones, HAS IT AT THE 20! JACOBY JONES! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS!!! NO FLAGS ON THE PLAY! AND THE MIRACLE IS ANSWERED! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE UP HOPE!” Ah the memories! Everytime I watch that play I get the chills, it’s like your first love, something you will never forget. Hopefully we can create another epic moment in the Mile High City this weekend!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Justin Tucker, Rashod Bateman, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Calais Campbell, Derek Wolfe, Jimmy Smith, Marlon Humphrey, with John Harbaugh, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the Salty “Marylander”, Spongebob Voiceover, and Brandon Perna of Thats Good Sports
Season 2 Episode 4: Rocky Mountain Mayhem
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: The time has come, Execute Order 66! That is what Justin Tucker did last week. Since his record setting game winning field goal it has been the talk of Maryland and NFL Network all week. (ESPN is too focused on the Lakers and Nets plus the Browns and Bengals) Tucker was asked about it after the game and he said a phrase that would make Olivia Rodrigo herself proud. He called it Deja Vu all over again. If any of you don’t know this he already kicked a 61 yarder in 2013 at Ford Field to beat the Lions. (That was a Monday Night epic which didn’t mean a thing because 41-7 New England, and Taylor Mays happened in the next 2 games) He even said he would potentially buy a house in the Motor City once he retires. I bet Sam Koch, Nick Moore, and Morgan Cox will join him too. Now to the main storyline. The media claimed the Ravens won thanks to a delay of game penalty that wasn’t called. All of the Marylanders disagreed with Fox and ESPN and according to Harbaugh and the Ravens reporter Jamison Hensley the game clock inside Ford Field was a few seconds slower than on CBS. Action Jackson as expected didn’t say a word about this scenario. But what he did say was that we need our receivers to focus on making key plays all the time despite the dropped passes as of late. His good buddy Hollywood agreed with him. Marquise Brown, for as much as everyone roasted him last week said on Friday that I’m going to make sure that when the ball comes my way I will do everything I can to catch the ball. He took a page out of his cousin’s playbook right there. (AB is just like that whether it was in Pittsburgh or Tampa Bay) As for AB’s ex teammate Le’Veon Bell he is super eager to get on the field and make an impact. He claimed on Twitter that whenever I get the chance to start, I will play to the best of my abilities. He will get a chance to play since TySon Williams is out due to injury. Speaking of the IR list it will be reduced. Miles Boykin and Rashod Bateman have officially come off the injured list but won’t be able to make their debut until next week against the Colts. The only issue is that Ronnie Stanley and Derek Wolfe went on IR for the next few weeks. Thus leads us to another clash between ESPN and John Harbaugh. This time Dan Orlovsky claims that the drops last week were Lamar’s fault not the receivers. Harbaugh in the aftermath of that phrase said that Jackson is putting the ball in the right place, it’s just we need our wideouts to make plays. A forward thinking coach in my opinion in every sense of the word.
This week is pivotal for the Ravens, after 2 last second wins against the Chiefs and Lions they now face an undefeated team that will test them in every way possible. The Denver Broncos, a team that is off to a 3-0 start with wins over perhaps the 3 worst teams in football. Baltimore hasn’t won a regular season game at Empower Field since 2001 and the last 2 times they played there in the regular season were the only 2 times before this season that John Harbaugh was beaten on Opening Day. (They did beat Denver in the 2012, and 2014 on the road but in the playoffs) If there is any motivation that this team needs it was from Colin Cowherd. Due to Lamar Jackson being questionable thanks to a bad back he said that the Broncos would not only win but in a blow out. Early on it was a defensive battle. Teddy Bridgewater was no match for the Ravens front 7 and despite completing a bunch of short passes, the Boys in Purple responded with a clutch stop. On the other side, Denver’s defense took the vaunted run game of LJ, Latavius Murray, and Le’Veon Bell. With Action Jackson still trying to figure out the Broncos secondary the game was scoreless after the 1st Quarter. The 2nd Quarter began with the only scoring drive the Broncos had all day. Led by an angry run by Javonte Williams (Thank the bad tackling from the front 7 for that run) the Broncos marched down the field for the opening touchdown. The Ravens though would unleash a massive counterattack. LJ would utilize James Proche (Pony Up) and Mark Andrews as Baltimore drove all the way for the tying score. So far a good start but Denver has a potent offense that can strike for huge plays too, in this case the only big plays on the next possession were by the Ravens defense. In particular Tyus Bowser ran “Teddy Holywater” into the ground. (We’ll get to Perna in a little bit) Then, Hollywood Brown wanted to show off his high catch radius, and he did so thanks to a 50 yard bomb from Jackson on a deep post. (Where is the additional roughing the passer call on that play?) The defense thought they would beat up Bridgewater some more, CRACK! LITERALLY! Odafe Oweh basically KO’ing Lamar’s predecessor at Louisville, now the Broncos have to go to the bullpen and bring in Drew Lock.
With Lock now in the game Wink Martindale’s game plan was simple, stop the run and force Lock to beat you with the deep ball. They cracked Denver’s game plan completely! The Ravens shut down the running of Melvin Gordon throughout the 2nd Half, just like they did when he was with the Chargers. Even if the offense didn’t score another touchdown for the rest of the game either because of REFBALL or the inability to run the ball as effectively as they normally would, Lamar Jackson went over 300 yards passing thanks to Hollywood and Proche having excellent games. At the end of the game the Broncos were trying to score a touchdown for team pride and fantasy points. They got down to the Baltimore goalline and seemed destined for a late game score, BOOM! “Intercepted in the endzone by Anthony Averett!” Now the game is out of reach but there is one more thing left to do, Marylander: We haven’t rushed for 100 yards yet! Narrator: Oh right lets tie the NFL Record with the 1970s Steelers! “Jackson will run to the right and he will slow down and stop for a gain of 5 yards, and the Baltimore Ravens have tied the NFL Record with 43 consecutive games of 100+ yards rushing.” (Alarm Siren) Marylander: Um, I think we woke up a former Harbaugh assistant. PAUSE.
Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the latest round of breaking the unwritten rules. Broncos Coach Vic Fangio is arguing that the Ravens final play was disrespectful to his team. In Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh’s words they gave us the ball back with enough time to tie that record and we would still go for it regardless of who we play. If you know the history of these 2 teams the Broncos ran up the score in Week 1 of 2013 when Peyton Manning threw for 7 TDs in a game that Ravens fans call the “Peter Angelos Game.” Every Ravens fan including myself was angry at the Broncos for running up the score. (This was Denver’s 1st game since the Mile High Miracle) This play was payback for that incident. With this bounty Fangio earns the honor of the WEEKLY FOOTBALL FOLLIES! For an out of town reaction to this game and the salt from one of Harbaugh and Roman’s old buddies, we are now joined by Denver Superfan Brandon Perna of That’s Good Sports. Perna take it away!
Brandon Perna: Welcome to That’s Good Sports. I’m Brandon “the only team that can beat the Broncos is the Broncos” Perna. “Kinda BEEP!” (That’s what Fangio said in the Monday Press Conference) So the Broncos technically lost to a 3-0 team, THEMSELVES! “Kinda BEEP!” (No they lost to a real team that’s all it is) That’s true. Also true, the Ravens are the best team I’ve ever seen on a football field anywhere. I swear to god, if their pocket passing QB ever decides to run, they could have a real dual threat quarterback behind center. I know you don’t want me to, but I am recapping this Broncos 23-7 loss to the Super Bowl Champion Ravens. (Marylander: WE’VE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPA BOWL!) Shout out 2001 and 2013. (We beat Denver both years in the playoffs)
Spongebob: A FEW MOMENTS LATER!
Perna: Apparently, the Broncos were angry on the final play of the game, when the Ravens ran the ball instead of taking a knee so they could keep their 100 YPG Rushing Streak alive. This was the Broncos sideline after it happened “BEEP!” You could drop like 10 more F-Bombs and a
“BEEP!” here Vic. “Kinda BEEP!” And it wouldn’t compare to how we fans felt watching the Offense on Sunday.
Spongebob: 12 SECONDS LATER!
Perna: During the game Teddy Bridgewater inexplicably changed his gloves. He went from white to orange, that turned out to be a massive mistake. Teddy Roosevelt doesn’t worry about those things Teddy. That’s Teddy 2 Gloves, That’s a Teddy 2 Gloves Issue you don’t need to be dealing with! Before the Orange Gloves, 0 concussions, after the Orange Gloves, 1 CONCUSSION! (And Odafe crushed him hard) Which Gloves are better Teddy? Which Gloves are better? Unless, unless this hit that Teddy took after Albert O dropped that Damn “BEEP!” Damn “BEEP BOP!” Pass that actually gave Teddy the concussion early in the game.
Spongebob: 2 HOURS LATER!
Perna: The Broncos simply forgot to throw the ball to Tim Patrick, or run the ball with Javonte Williams! If the Falcons can get Cordarrelle Patterson in the endzone 3 times you can do that with Tim Patrick. Jeudy out, Hamler out, Spencer out. What the “BEEP!” does Tim Patrick have to do to get 10 targets in a game Shurmur!? (Well anytime you have Jimmy Smith guarding a TE it’s a done deal) If you stop running the ball it better be because you’re scoring touchdowns with Timmy Patrick! He had 3 receptions for 39 yards and I’m pretty sure they all came on the 1st 2 series’. Action Jackson had double the passing yards which Teddy would have been close to as well if ALBERT O DOESN’T DROP THIS PASS! Thanks for watching That’s Good Sports Broncos recap, the best and worst of NFL Sunday where I talk about all of the games that’s on YouTube right now. (Link to his channel is in the description at the bottom of this doc if you want to subscribe or check it out)
Narrator: That Salt from one of the best NFL YouTuber’s in the country is unreal. That rant is why I think we need the Marylander’s take on this circus of events that Brandon Perna just described.
Marylander: I’ve never seen an unbeaten team look so unprepared since we played the Steelers with our C team last year. One of these days the media needs to shut up about the narrative of Lamar Jackson being a RB or WR. He can sling with the best of them when he has to, and that’s even with the ground game being as shaky as it was today. Plus getting all those guys back on defense was a major boom because we just held the most accurate QB in the NFL this season to 7 points. WHO CARES IF HE GOT CONCUSSED! Bridgewater still would have struggled against this pass rush! Hollywood Brown is no longer in the doghouse and James Proche is finally being used as a primary weapon thanks to his rock solid hands. Also how many Roughing the Passer calls did they miss on Lamar in this game. I swear they treat every QB differently except for Lamar. They did this with Joe Flacco too in the early Harbaugh years! Anyways we just took all of those horses down to the Preakness track so we could see if they could catch actual Ravens. The result is that each one of those birds got away. (A perfect representation of the game itself) Speaking of horses, those ROTTEN COLTS ARE COMING TO TOWN NEXT WEEK! Say it for me Gerry! (Gerry Sandusky from Outside the Lines 1-12-07): “Earlier in the show, you used the phrase the Colts are coming back home, they’re not coming back home! THIS IS THE HOME OF THE BALTIMORE COLTS! It was never the home of the Indianapolis Colts, this is sacred ground for names like John Unitas, for names like John Mackey, from my dad John Sandusky, and for all of the people who were part of that Baltimore Colt organization. And the biggest emotion we have when the Colts come to Baltimore, is that the Baltimore Colts and all the great men who were part of that organization don’t have a final resting place.” You hear that, this sounds like another Mayflower Bowl is coming soon. Anyways RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: 3-1 and near the top of the AFC playoff race. Great start but we need to get better. Charm City Beasts will return next week for the ultimate Baltimore Grudgematch. (It’s like the Battle for Miss Teenage Hairspray in the 2007 Film Hairspray when it comes to the Colts and Ravens rivalry and the impact that those teams had or has on that city)
Episode 5: vs Colts (Deja Vu all over again)
Gerry Sandusky from Outside the Lines 1-12-07: “It’s a wild intersection where emotions are destined to collide in ways nobody can ever predict when they see the blue Colt horseshoe come back to town. And Jeremy earlier in the show, you used the phrase the Colts are coming back home, they’re not coming back home! THIS IS THE HOME OF THE BALTIMORE COLTS! It was never the home of the Indianapolis Colts, this is sacred ground for names like John Unitas, for names like John Mackey, from my dad John Sandusky, and for all of the people who were part of that Baltimore Colt organization. And the biggest emotion we have when the Colts come to Baltimore, is that the Baltimore Colts and all the great men who were part of that organization don’t have a final resting place.”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Le’Veon Bell, Latavius Murray, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Mark Andrews, Justin Houston, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, with Don Martindale, and Greg Roman. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander, and Haloti Ngata
Season 2 Episode 5: Mayflower Bowl X
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: If there is anything that needs to be said thank god the Ravens are 3-1 even with all of the injuries. John Harbaugh acknowledged it by saying we have a strong minded team with a strong minded head coach. We have heard that quote around the Under Armour Performance Center a lot over the last 14 years. Last week there was plenty of criticism that Boy Wonder faced after the Denver game. That’s because he didn’t take a knee and tried to tie the NFL Record for most 100 yard rushing games in a row set by the 1974-77 Steelers. (Anytime you try and break a Steelers record in Baltimore it’s a high honor) Vic Fangio responded by saying that call was kinda BEEP! Harbs response was that it was their fault to put us in this situation. There is no 16 point touchdown in the NFL and why would Drew Lock try to pad his stats in garbage time. Then we get to Planet LJ. (Some of the teenage fans in the city gave him that nickname thanks to a recent album from Doja Cat) And oh boy has the media not even mentioned the fact that he threw for over 300 yards against a Top 3 defense. Jackson himself said that my job is to do whatever I can to win throwing or running with the ball. Even with the hype surrounding Justin Herbert, Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, plus a certain QB in Cleveland that shall not be named, Lamar has played it cool and focused on the success of his team. Luckily for him he is getting one of his top weapons back in the future in Rashod Bateman. Even if he is inactive for this week’s game he is certainly a go for Week 6. (Add Miles Boykin and Derek Wolfe too)
The big dilemma this weekend before the game was a friendly rivalry between former Oklahoma and Texas players on the Ravens. This weekend was also the Annual Red River Rivalry game between the Sooners and Longhorns. In Ravens terms it was Mark Andrews, Hollywood, Ben Powers, and former Ravens Tony Jefferson and Orlando Brown vs Justin Tucker, DeShon Elliott, Devin Duvernay, and former Raven Earl Thomas. All of them were going back and forth on Twitter during the game and Primetime Jet himself had a vlog in which he was showing live reactions from Duvernay, Tucker, Andrews, and Elliott. Plus Mark Andrews was on the phone with Baker Mayfield and CeeDee Lamb while the game was going on. Even Action Jackson was into the game like almost every boy his age. Early in the game Texas took a 28-7 lead with the Sooner players at the Under Armour Performance Center getting roasted by the Longhorns. It got so loud in the training room that they interrupted Evan Washburn and the Ravens media team from airing this week’s episode of Ravens Report. But then Tucker, Elilott, and Duvernay were soonly quieted by the Sooners making a furious comeback. Before we knew it the game was tied and tensions were growing. Oklahoma took the lead with 3 minutes left only for Texas to tie the game. Even with Spencer Rattler out of the game the Sooners have a chance to win it. Lamar: “I think they take one chance at a TD” “Direct snap to Brooks, trying to make something happen. He breaks free, KENNEDY BROOKS SAYS FORGET THE FIELD GOAL! WIN IT WITH A TOUCHDOWN!!!” The Sooners side of the room went absolutely nuts. Once again Hollywood and his boys from OU get their annual lording over Texas. Action Jackson enjoys himself as everyone expects him too.
Just like those rascally boys the Marylanders want bragging rights of their own. They not only get another home primetime, they face the Servants of Irsay known as the Indianapolis Colts. As Gerry Sandusky said, the Colts are not coming back home! (Their old home Memorial Stadium is 20 years dead) They are heading into NIGHT GAME HELL! Every Ravens fan wants nothing more than to see the Irsay Family fail. (Marylander from 12-23-17: Deck the Halls with Irsay’s Meatballs! Fa La La La La La La La La!) Those people will never forgive him for moving the Colts in the middle of the night in March of 1984. Marylander: Sike Sike, Irsay rides a bike in the middle of the night without a flashlight! (X6) Narrator: Enough, enough, I get that you are excited, save that for later in the game. As for the Colts themselves they are off to a slow start. Beating the Dolphins last week for their 1st win of the year is a start, but Baltimore will give them many problems. This game has all of the makings for a Ravens statement. On home soil in primetime when they are inducting Haloti Ngata into the Ravens Ring of Honor. The planets were aligning for an awe inspiring performance.
It didn’t seem that way early on, the Ravens went 3 and out to start the game, and it appeared as if the defense would do the same to the Colts. The only thing they did was give up a 76 TD to Jonathan Taylor. (Dear God, this already!) Lamar tries to answer the Indianapolis score by converting a 3rd and Short only for it to be ruled an incomplete pass. The next thing we know is that the Colts are quickly marching towards a 14-0 lead. But then Odafe Oweh continues to make his case for Rookie of the Year by forcing a fumble deep in Raven territory that was recovered by Brandon Williams. This looked to be the turning point of the game, but the Colts defense responded by continuing to stop the running game. They kept stacking 8 men in the box and most times it worked. (Why is Roman turning into David Culley again) The lucky thing for Ravens fans was that the defense kept them in the game by stalling out Carson Wentz and his fearless attack. RavensNation would rally them on, they need to make their Alumni proud again. Look at how many times they hand the ball off for little yardage. The Colts are putting 8 men in the box, not the QB’s fault. Making things worse, Action Jackson leads his mates to another punt. This was also because Ben Cleveland got carted off the field and his replacement got scorched. Luckily for the 71,000 in attendance the offense finally woke up and gained precious yardage only to settle for a field goal thanks to a miscommunication and dropped pass in the endzone by Primetime Jet. Indianapolis continued to get small but important gains but like most drives they stalled out and had to end the half with a field goal. Luckily for Baltimore they get a break, BEEP! Only for All Pro Marlo to overcommit a block attempt and get called for offsides. The Colts take advantage by making the 2nd attempt for a 10-3 lead at halftime.
Following Ngata’s Halftime Ceremony which he described as pure joy from the fans who stayed in their seats, it looked as if the fans were fired up and ready to pounce on Carson Wentz. However they continued to burn Anthony Averett like they did in the 1st Half as Michael Pittman mossed him and went in for a touchdown. But the PAT went wide to the left. Down 16-3 many Ravens fans believed that it was a long shot at victory considering that Jackson has not come back from a hole like this before. But just like on their final drive of the 1st Half the former MVP came out firing. Before you know it they got down to the Indy one yard line. They have a chance to get back in it as, Marylander: HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO HAVE MOMENTUM ONLY FOR IT TO GET TAKEN AWAY!? A FUMBLE RETURNED FOR A TOUCHDOWN THANKS TO AN ED REED TYPE LATERAL!!! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! Narrator: Don’t worry it was a forward pass buddy, but they scored anyways. Marylander: Crap! Narrator: Just like 2 years ago against the Titans the Ravens looked past their opponent when they weren’t supposed to. The fact that this team spent all weekend focusing on the Red River Rivalry game instead of their own game is going to drive Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh crazy at meetings this week. Down 22-3 there looked like there was no hope left for Marylanders.
BOOM! (Michael Jackson’s Thriller playing) But little did the fans know what was about to happen! Planet LJ was on a mission, pull off the 2nd biggest comeback in Ravens History. Beginning with a big play TD to Marquise Brown the momentum was slowly shifting. Even as the Colts continued to pick the stellar Baltimore defense apart they only got a field goal out of it due to a nice redzone stand. The next drive began with Jackson going right to GoldMine Andrews as the Indianapolis defense had no answers for one of the most dominant Tight Ends in the game. In fact he even scored a touchdown and the 2 point conversion to cut the Colt lead to 8. Before you knew it the optimism was back in the air. With Enter Sandman playing on the loudspeakers the decibel meter at M&T Bank Stadium reached 135 decibels loud, the 4th highest in stadium history. But they were quickly silenced by Jonathan Taylor converting key 3rd Down plays. Fortunately the Colts got stuffed at the 20 yard line. Now they can kick a field goal and potentially put the game out of reach. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! When are people going to realize that you have to double team Calais Campbell in field goal formation? The guy has blocked more kicks than anyone that is still active. With this crucial play the Ravens offense quickly took advantage with Action Jackson darting up the Indy secondary. (Marylander: Throw it on a dime, like I ain’t even trying. It’s Lamar’s turn to do it tonight Trace) The High End Talent of the Ravens offense storms down the field in no time. Now they have a chance to tie it! “Jackson with all sorts of time. Now throws, caught Andrews! Touchdown Ravens!” All they need is a 2 pointer and we are tied. “For the tie, it’s Andrews and he’s got it” This guy is a GoldMine for a reason, he can catch almost anything thrown his way. And just like that the Ravens have overcome a 19 point deficit to tie it up! How is this going to end? The Colts though have the ball last and they continue to make things hard on Anthony Averett. When are we going to realize that he has issues guarding taller receivers. It’s ok, the Colts got called for holding on the next play and its 2nd and 20. They stopped them for a short gain as, Marylander: YOU ARE (SENSORED!) KIDDING ME TAVON YOUNG! YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING ONE OF BEST GAMES OF YOUR CAREER AND THEN YOU DECIDE TO BE LEE EVANS! IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU DON’T DO, IT’S GIVE THE OPPOSING TEAM A CHANCE TO WIN WHEN THE NFL IS CRACKING DOWN ON LATE HITS! PAUSE.
Narrator: The controversial late hit allows Indianapolis to get into the field goal range. All they need is a last second kick by Rodrigo Blankenship to make the Marylanders even more grumpy at the Irsays. Football Gods Unleash the Spirits of NIGHT GAME HELL! “The kick is on its way and IT’S NO GOOD OFF TO THE LEFT SIDE!” Marylander (Doing his best Vincent Price impersonation): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Calais literally scared Blankenship so badly he caused him to miss the kick) Narrator: Just like that this game is going to Overtime! Anyone who went to bed at the end of 3rd Quarter is kicking themselves for missing out on this insane finish! Even worse for Colts fans is that the Ravens won the coin toss and the ball. Planet LJ has the chance to pull off another miracle in a season of magical moments to this point! Benefiting from the Indianapolis defense only rushing 3, Lamar had the freedom to either run or throw. Using his reliable targets Hollywood and GoldMine, Jackson got his team in position for the winning score. The question right now isn’t if they are going to win, but who is going to get the winning touchdown? Who cares if the 100 yard rushing streak is dead, beating an old rival is more important! “Jackson takes the snap, pumps once, throws endzone, CAUGHT! GAME OVER!! THE HAY’S IN THE BARN!!!” (League of Legends theme playing) FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!!! Marylander: THEY DID IT AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!! OH MY GOSH THEY WALKED IT OFF AGAIN! TAKE THAT JIM IRSAY AND COLTS NATION!!!
Narrator: For the 3rd time in 4 weeks the Ravens pull off a late game miracle. They are now all alone atop the AFC North. Marylander: THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!! Narrator: In what can be described as shades of 2003 against the Seahawks, Baltimore comes back from the jaws of defeat to the thrill of victory. And even better, it’s against the team that left in the middle of the night. Any time the Ravens 1-up the Irsay’s it’s a special day. At 4-1 they look like a Super Bowl Contender despite all of the injuries and adversity they have faced. That’s what great coaching can do. I wonder how Haloti Ngata is reacting? Ngata: THIS IS AWESOME! Narrator: This made his moment in the sun even sweeter. There are still plenty of challenges ahead for the Boys in Purple. One of them being a heavily anticipated showdown with the Los Angeles Chargers next week. That is another story that will be told next week on Charm City Beasts! Marylander: SIKE!!! SIKE!!! IRSAY RIDES A BIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT A FLASHLIGHT!!!
Episode 6: vs Chargers (Finally a blowout win)
ESPN: The hottest team in the NFL is the Los Angeles Chargers. They are the team to beat in the AFC. They will take the crown as Kings of the AFC West from the Chiefs. Justin Herbert is the MVP this season. What else do the Ravens have besides Lamar Jackson. I think LA wins and it won’t be close. The Ravens have coasted on pure luck this season. Marylander: They are talking at us and trying to get in our heads! Anytime you doubt the Ravens especially at home there is a good chance you’ll be proven wrong. When someone picks you to not only lose but get destroyed on your home soil it is bulletin board material. I got one message for you, ESPN. NEVER DOUBT THE BOY WONDER JOHNNY HARBAUGH!!!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, Marlon Humphrey, Jimmy Smith, DeShon Elliott, Justin Tucker, with John Harbaugh, and Rob Ryan. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander” and Ravens Play by Play Announcer Gerry Sandusky
Season 2 Episode 6: Vintage Chargering
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: It’s always a good day when we make plenty of salt from the Irsay Family. After perhaps the most dramatic comeback in Ravens History, they have clearly focused on improving and not living in the past. John Harbaugh’s message to the team in the locker room following the Monday Night game against the Colts was simple. He asked them what was their favorite win of the season, they answered out loud, THE NEXT ONE! A forward thinking team if I’d say so myself. Following the 1st 400 yard passing game of his career, Planet LJ was the talk of the week on the airwaves around Owings Mills. Many said that Jackson has become a more deadly passer this year than he is as a runner. He said that he would totally agree with it but his job is to win the game. Speaking of Jackson he got a special surprise from Louisville. They announced his jersey number from when he played at the University would be retired by the football program on November 13. Ironically he and Johnny Unitas are the only players from Louisville who have their jersey numbers retired by the school. (Unitas has a statue outside M&T Bank Stadium too) Lamar said that he was in pure joy when he was on that call with Louisville. He has come so far from when his mom told Bobby Petrino that he was a QB not a WR. As for the defense they were receiving plenty of criticism for getting picked apart by Carson Wentz on Monday Night Football. Even with the epic win, Wink Martindale told the media that we are only getting stronger. We will have all kinds of tricks up our sleeves going forward. With DeShon Elliott and Josh Bynes coming back from injuries and the practice squad the defense should have an easier time putting together strong performances. The defender receiving the most criticism was Patrick Queen. His tendencies of missing tackles this year have been a concern but Rob Ryan claimed that this is the NFL, you have good days and you have bad days, but in the end as long as you focus on the positives there is no need to panic. The only injury concern on offense was #PlayoffSammy. He took a huge shot to the hamstring in the win over the Colts and wasn’t able to play in this crucial game coming up. So it looks like James Proche will be the #2 WR now. (Bateman to return in Week 6 via ESPN’s Hensley) Ah, here he is. Rashod Bateman, their potential game changer receiver is back from the dreaded groin injury. It will take some time to adjust but if he has the right attitude things will be easy for him.
This game is huge for both Coach Harbaugh and Wink Martindale. With 4 straight wins coming in they now face one of the hottest teams in the NFL in the Los Angeles Chargers. At 4-1 coming off a statement win against the Browns in a shootout last week, the Bolts think they are the class of the AFC. This game means plenty to the Ravens though. The last time these 2 teams met was arguably the worst game in Lamar Jackson’s career. The Chargers stormed into M&T in the 2018 Wild Card game and crushed the last remaining hope of the Ozzie Newsome era ending in a Super Bowl Title. (This was Terrell Suggs and Joe Flacco’s last home game for the Ravens too) Even more insane, was after the game while the Ravens had their team prayer the Chargers DB’s were blasting Ariana Grande on their boombox loudspeakers in the locker room. (They played Thank U NEXT for 15 straight minutes and Harbaugh wanted nothing of it) Sometimes in the NFL what goes around comes around. With Justin Herbert leading the MVP race through 5 weeks many believed that the Ravens secondary would have no answers for Keenan Allen and Mike Williams. Most of the country picked that LA would cruise to another statement win. LA Media: We are going to have an all LA Super Bowl!!! HALA!
BOOM! (Enter Sandman playing) Narrator: They didn’t put up a fight. “Murray right up the middle into the endzone! Touchdown Ravens!” In what would become a blueprint on how to stop this offense for the rest of the AFC, the Chargers were humiliated within one half of play. All optimism that the City of Angels had over the past week vanished as they witnessed what Browns fans have to suffer through on a yearly basis. The main example of this shellacking was not the Baltimore passing game like it has been the last few weeks. The Ravens proved that you don’t have to set the world on fire throwing the ball to win a game easily. Greg Roman was toying with the Chargers Front 7 all day long. Getting all 3 of his Running Backs involved as the Boys in Purple jumped out to a 17-0 lead and were clearly playing up to their potential with a butt whooping not seen since Opening Day last year. Even Le’Veon Bell got into the endzone in this game. A true victory for precious narratives about how he was washed. The West Coast Finesse team were hyped up as this media darling superpower with no signs of stopping, only to be falling under the might of the MonStars. Up 17-6 it could get worse for the Chargers, THEN CAME THE 2ND HALF! Chargers fans: STOP IT! STOP IT!! PLEASE!! I BEG YOU!!! Marylander and John Harbaugh: NO!
Narrator: The beating of Brandon Staley’s hopes and dreams and the insanity of every Marylander in a 250 mile radius continued thanks to the Chargers being knee jerk on 4th downs in their own end. The Bolts were stomped all game and were kidnapped by the 71,000 fans as well as Rise, Conquer, and Poe every time they tried moving down the field. Their ambitions of lording over the Chiefs are taking a serious turn. The Ravens sped past their opponent like Marlon Humphrey does when he rides a horse during “To the Ends of the Earth.” Little did he know that he was using that scene as a representation of this game. This time the editors didn’t have to do multiple takes of the scene. Planet LJ was riding shotgun inside Le’Veon Bell’s sports car even if he did the bare minimum to win. (The rest of the defense and running game picked him up in this game) As the laws of the Injury Bowl are upheld, the Boys in Purple enter the fastlane of the AFC as Full Marylander consumes Baltimore whole. Even the hosts of this series. All Hail the insufferable Marylanders and Bandwagon Ravens fans around the world as we crush the hopes and dreams that big market teams have. For more on this game we go to Ravens broadcaster Gerry Sandusky for a closer look at this game.
Sandusky: As you just mentioned, the Ravens defense went from being a question mark all week after their performance against the Colts, to beating up one of the top offenses in all of football. Finally we get a game at M&T Bank Stadium that isn’t a wild ride for Ravens fans and they can just relax and have all of the fun they want. Now at 5-1 the tensions of possibly the best start in franchise history are growing larger. With a win over the Bengals next week here in Baltimore, the Ravens would do something that’s never been done in the history of the franchise. Start 6-1, and what’s impressive is that they have done this despite the Opening Day loss in Vegas, the starting backfield being on IR, the defense having rough moments at times, the tendency to struggle against bad teams, and having to overcome not 1 but 2 large 4th Quarter deficits at home. This is a testament to John Harbaugh’s skills as a leader and motivator. Anyways, that was a great win for the Ravens and as I say after every win “THE HAY IS IN THE BARN!” Narrator back to you.
Narrator: Now that Captain Homerism and his postgame summary are out of the way, let’s bring in the Salty Marylander for his take on this statement.
Marylander: What Sandusky just mentioned are the key ingredients to being a legit Super Bowl Contender. You always have to have an excellent defense and ignore everything that the media has told you. They were telling us all week that Justin Herbert is the best QB in the AFC. HE HAS NOTHING ON LAMAR! You never talk trash to #8 because he will make you eat your words all day. Anyone who mentions that the Ravens are a passing team now is an understatement. This team is a BALANCED team compared to 2019, and 2020. The passing game wasn’t as good as it was in Week 5 even with Bateman back but we impose our will up front. Now to the good stuff, HEY ESPN, DON’T SAY THAT THE RAVENS CAN’T DO ANYTHING AGAINST LEGIT OFFENSES! They talked so much smack about Wink, AND YOU DON’T DO THAT TO WINK!!! Because he will silence those critics. Chuck these narratives of the Ravens are a soft team and the Browns being the AFC North favorites into the Inner Harbor immediately. The moral of the story, NEVER BLAST MUSIC IN FRONT OF OUR LOCKER ROOM AFTER A GAME! (Thank U NEXT playing) I got one more thing LA media, RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! WE’RE SO (Sensored) GRATEFUL FOR B-MORE! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Episode 7: vs Bengals (What. Was. That.)
Ravens Productions: “Believe in nothing you hear, and half of what you see. Here lies the hopes, dreams, and anchors of the unwaken. Here resides the supernatural. We are dreaming dreams no mortal has dared to dream before. We are the fantastic terrors never felt before. WE HAVE EXORCISED THE DOUBTERS AND DEMONS! With a team that works in the darkness. With an unkindness that has grown deafening. HERE RESIDES THE MOST FRIGHTENING TEAM IN THE LEAGUE! If that scares you, THAN YOU BETTER WHISTLE PAST THIS GRAVEYARD!” Football Gods: You’re going to regret what you just said!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Le’Veon Bell, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Rashod Bateman, Calais Campbell, Josh Bynes, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Don Martindale, with Greg Roman, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander”
Season 2 Episode 7: The Reincarnation of a Legendary Mutiny
Created b Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Who would have thought that the Ravens would be 5-1 at this point despite having 17 players on IR. The next victim to this cause would be their All Pro Tackle Ronnie Stanley. CRACK! Turns out his ankle isn’t in the right place and he needs surgery again. Going through the Tavon Young process I see. With the trade deadline approaching Eric DeCosta claims that the Ravens will make a shuffling of moves. 1 or 2 of their 4 RB’s will most likely be traded for defensive value especially at linebacker and he states that we need to be markedly better on the defensive side of the ball if we want to really win it all. During their victory against the Chargers last week the defense got a huge boost from Josh Bynes now in his 3rd stint with the team. Now with Patrick Queen moving from MIKE Linebacker to WILL Linebacker it should provide some breathing room for the defense. Even for his lack of passing last week, Planet LJ still did enough to win by taking advantage of the Chargers soft run defense. He says that we need to keep teams guessing by mixing things up on offense. The right way to look at this if you look at this game closely. For the 1st time in a long time the media had jumped on the Ravens hype train except they all claimed it would be short term. It’s because there is another hype machine on the horizon. The talking heads at ESPN not named Foxworth, Ryan, and Scott still believe that Baltimore needs to prove that they can dominate a game on both sides long term. To be honest I don’t blame them for saying that, considering how bumpy this season has been for the Ravens it seems like anything can happen and usually does.
The Ravens are going to have to play short handed in the Running Back room this week. Latavius Murray injured his calf in the win over the Bolts and is going to miss the next game. Luckily for them there was good news as both Derek Wolfe and Nick Boyle were back practicing this week. Both of them should be 100% after the Bye Week. Baltimore fans tried to bring back their beloved emotional leader Mark Ingram but he was traded back to his original team in the Saints. (Maybe they can sign Keleche Osemele instead) All jokes aside today’s matchup is against a team that Lamar Jackson has consistently beaten over his career. THE BUNGLES! Winners of 5 straight against their adversaries the Boys in Purple take the field with a chance to possibly run away with the AFC North. Cincinnati has other plans, they are off to a hot start of 4-2 and a win at M&T would solidify them as a Super Bowl Contender along with their opponents for this game. (Cincy should really be 6-0 if it weren’t for missed FGs) Early on the defenses for both sides went to work. Both the Bengals front 7 and the Ravens secondary traded blows as either offense could get anything going. The Ravens once again, like they did against the Raiders in Week 1, had no answers for speed rushers as Trey Hendricksen and Sam Hubbard toyed with the Army Ranger and Pat Mekari. CRACK! And then Mekari hurt his ankle and had to leave the game. (Thank goodness that wasn’t a season ender) With the game tied at 3 the question at the time was who was going to break through and get the 1st TD of the game. That happened to be the Bengals, as Joe Burrow took advantage of an all out blitz by Martindale and threw a tasty spiral to CJ Uzomah as he burned Fruit Punch into the endzone. (Marlon Humphrey getting burned, that never happens) Jackson and company would respond as they took precious time off the clock and went down the field to tie the game at 10. Even as Cincinnati kicks a field goal for a 3 point lead there is still hope for the Marylanders. That hope was taken to another level as Marquise Brown burned the Bungles secondary and gave Baltimore their 1st lead of the game. This looks like it would be another lesson taught by John Harbaugh on how to beat a division rival.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Marylander: Don’t tell me this is the successor to the 2012 Mutiny against the Texans! Narrator: In just 4 plays the Tiger King takes advantage of Rob Ryan being knee jerk to his linebackers as CJ Uzomah took advantage of 4 guys playing the flat as he walked into the endzone to retake the lead for Cincinnati. As soon as that happened, Action Jackson and Rashod Bateman continued to torch the secondary as the Ravens got back into field goal range. Marylander: It looks like we are going to have a tie game or take the lead again! BOOM! They got sacked and had to punt! Oh dear gosh, somebody please play some defense. Narrator: Luckily for the fans in the stadium the Ravens defense got Burrow into a 3rd and long, all they need is one play and, Marylander: (Welcome to the Jungle playing) HOW THE (Sensored) CAN NOBODY ON THIS DEFENSE TACKLE JAMARR CHASE!? HOW DOES CHUCK CLARK AND MARLO MISS A TACKLE LIKE THAT! CAN WE SOMEHOW NOT GIVE UP 3 STRAIGHT BIG PLAY TOUCHDOWNS IN A ROW TO LOSE BY 24 POINTS IN A GAME WE SHOULD HAVE DOMINATED FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE 2ND HALF! THIS IS THE WORST DEFENSE WE HAVE HAD SINCE 2012! HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO SOLVE OUR TACKLING ISSUES! Narrator: Calm down buddy, it’s only 1 game and the Bengals look like Worldbeaters right now. Marylander: Yes I understand. PAUSE.
Narrator: Just like 2012 the Ravens start out 5-1 and get killed in Week 7 by a playoff and dark horse Super Bowl Contender. It mostly has nothing to do with Lamar; he played well considering that no one was helping him other than his receivers. The reasons why they lost were because the Offensive Line is cooked, and the defense needs a wake up call badly. Remember this isn’t the 1st time in franchise history that they have had to go through this. During their Super Bowl year in 2012 they had a similar start where they had the same record through 7 games and were getting bailed out by Joe Flacco on a weekly basis. That year because of injuries they lost their 2 Starting Corners by Week 6 (Dominique Foxworth and LaDarius Webb), their marque FA signing in Week 2 (Marcus Spears), they lost Ricky Williams in training camp, Ray Lewis missed the last 10 games, Ed Reed missed 6 of 8 in the 2nd Half, Anquan Boldin missed 4 games from Week 4 to Week 9, Haloti Ngata wasn’t consistently healthy, and Terrell Suggs was fighting a torn achilles. Plus that year in Weeks 1-7 they almost lost to the 2-14 Chiefs, the 4-12 Browns, and got lucky against the Patriots and Cowboys while losing to the “Dream Team” Eagles. Many pundits around the country now and in 2012 said that they had no chance of catching the Bengals or Steelers in the division. In the 2nd Half of this game against the Bengals they were outscored by almost the same amount of points that they allowed in the 2nd Quarter against Houston in 2012. (Texans 29 – Bengals 28. Both in Week 7)
And wouldn’t you guess it, there was another mutiny after the game. Harbaugh responded to that claim by saying we are not going to give up easily. It’s only October but there is still time to fix this mess. Having no answers for an offense that is equivalent to Randy Moss and the 1998 Vikings will drive any coaching staff and DC crazy. (Ja’Marr Chase is Moss 2.0 except he is much smaller) They better get somebody at the deadline to help this cause but considering their Cap Situation I don’t know if they can pull it off. The tough part about this loss is that the questions surrounding the playstyle of this team have returned. Not a claim by ESPN that is going to drive all of the Marylanders crazy. Marylander: HOW DARE THEY CLAIM WE HAVE NO CHANCE AT WINNING THE DIVISION OR MAKING THE PLAYOFF! IT’S THE SAME THING THEY SAID 9 YEARS AND THEY ATE THEIR WORDS IN FEBRUARY! Narrator: I don’t remember them saying that, I do remember them saying that we are about to get leapfrogged by a division rival. Marylander: Who’s going to leapfrog us next according to the mothership? Narrator: CLEVELAND! Marylander: (Heavy Metal music playing) SEND THOSE TALKING HEADS INTO THE INNER HARBOR!!! (The Browns and Bengals ruling the North is the New Frontier. NOT IN BALTIMORE IT ISN’T!) PAUSE.
Narrator: Before we wrap up this episode I want to go over a situation that should never occur in a sporting event let alone an NFL game. At the end of the Ravens Bengals game, we witnessed a scene that should never be tried again. At the 2 minute warning, 2 Bengals fans sitting near the Verizon Broadcast Booth at M&T Bank Stadium (That is the Ravens booth for WBAL) got out of their seats. Instead of heading towards the exit, they instead tried climbing into the booth while the game was on a TV timeout. (One guy had a Chase Jersey, the other had an Ochocinco Jersey) They successfully got into the booth, and they started taunting Gerry Sandusky, and the Ravens broadcast team until the security had to escort them out of the stadium. They said things like “The Ravens suck” “Lamar is a RB!” and “WE OWN BALTIMORE! (Sensored)” before the Guest Service committee captured them. This is also a red flag on top of the fact that Eli Apple and Jermaine Pratt were mocking Lamar Jackson’s Big Truss motto and Pratt even said with Apple in the background “WE RUN THIS DIVISION UNTIL WE SAY SO!” Let me be very very clear. This franchise did the exact same thing in 2005 when they upset the Steelers at Heinz Field in Week 13. TJ Houshmandzadeh after that game whipped his cleats with the Terrible Towel in celebration. But what happened the next time the 2 teams met? “CARSON PALMER IS DOWN!” Cincinnati, enjoy this win. You earned it. But I’m warning you, the way you guys rubbed this game in the face of every Ravens player, coach, front office member, and all of the Marylanders may come back to haunt you over Christmas when the 2 teams meet up again!
Episode 8: vs Vikings (Never doubt Lamar!)
Cameo Video during schedule release: “This week, we’re going on a Viking Quest, we’re on a quest to beat the Vikings, because the Ravens are at home against the Vikings. VICTORY!” Narrator: Ah yes, another famous line from the NFL schedule release video in May. Not to mention any team who plays in Baltimore on the road following the Ravens Bye Week is due to get beat.
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Latavius Murray, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Nick Boyle, Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, Marlon Humphrey, Chuck Clark, Justin Tucker, with John Harbaugh, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander”
Season 2 Episode 8: A Viking Quest
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: The Bye Week. It is arguably the most relaxing time of the NFL season in Baltimore. Especially since it usually takes place over Halloween, players and fans can have a week of fun all to themselves and laugh at division rivals. (Example: Watching the Browns and Bengals mess up the New Frontier of AFC North Football) This year the Bye Week was used by John Harbaugh and his staff to get guys close to 100% and work on 2 dreaded issues. Tackling, and Blocking Speed Rushers. 2 key reasons for the Ravens loss against the Bungles in Week 7. Chuck Clark learned from Wink Martindale’s quotes at practice that if we can cut our missed tackles in half, then we can be the dominant defense we were hyped up to be. He’s right, if they start making open field tackles and limit all of those long runs, then everything will come together. John Harbaugh being strategic as usual, claimed that the problems we have with Speed Rushers is an easily fixable thing. As long as Patrick Makari is healthy and the Army Ranger doesn’t get lost on the field at times they should be fine. Harbs even gave an update on the injury status of Tackle Ja’Wuan James who the Ravens signed back in May, James is obviously dealing with a bad leg and according to Harbaugh he won’t be back until December. (Getting him at RT would improve the line even more) Speaking of injuries it appears that both Nick Boyle and Derek Wolfe are finally off the IL. Wolfe’s status is up in the air, but getting Boyle back for the running game especially because of his blocking skills is a must. Planet LJ following his crazy Halloween weekend that featured he, and his family dressing up as the Flintstones claimed that he was excited to see Boyle and possibly Sammy Watkins back on the field. Both men are key assets to the Ravens offense, and Jackson is ready to get himself back in the MVP race. The only other question involving injuries was surrounding Latavius Murray who is still dealing with a bad hamstring. He is questionable for this week’s game and has been very limited in practice. Hopefully he should be back by Sunday.
Another major event this week was the NFL Trade Deadline, which is usually a time where GM Eric DeCosta plays NFL Blackjack and tries to beat the dealer by trading for a Pro Bowl player without giving up much draft capital. This year there are a few names on the market. Allen Robinson, Ronald Jones, Xavien Howard, Von Miller, and Andrew Norwell. (Robinson isn’t a need for the Ravens because they already have their group of receivers maxed out) What the Ravens need is a big move to help them regain control of the AFC North. Where does the wheel land? (YoYo Sound) STRUCK OUT SWINGING! They were the favorites for Ronald Jones but didn’t want to pay a hefty price to Tampa Bay. They didn’t get Von Miller because the Rams got there first. They were about to get Xavien Howard had the NFLPA not stepped in because of the Ravens cap situation. All the other names on the market SNAKE EYES! Plus Baltimore only had 1.5 million left of their Cap because of all of the RB signings. At least they have 10-12 draft picks next year, something EDC values every year in terms of the success of this franchise. The other massive headline this week came out of the Dawg Pound. Why? Because the Browns were tired of Odell Beckham and his Diva mentality. (John Mara was right to get him out of New York) His antics have distracted the entire roster and Baker Mayfield isn’t the same QB that he was last year when OBJ was on IR. What did Jimmy Haslam decide to do? Marylander: THEY CUT HIM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Have fun with Cap Hell this offseason, Cleveland!) PAUSE.
Narrator: As for this week’s matchup, Baltimore takes on their main color counterparts of the NFL, the Vikings. Minnesota this year has once again underachieved expectations in terms of their record but they still have plenty of talent across the board. At 3-4 following some devastating losses against powerhouses like the Cardinals and Cowboys, they are looking to beat a playoff team to save their season. In their minds the Ravens are the perfect team to beat. Early in the game, Baltimore decided to remain on their Bye Week as they struggled against a Vikings defense missing Michael Pierce, and Harrison Smith. Even if Planet LJ was horse collared on the opening drive, it only led to a field goal thanks to 2 key drops. The Raven defense was looking to exercise the doubters by trying to put up a solid performance. But that would have to wait as Mr Gritty burned them for a 50 yard touchdown thanks to a miscommunication in the secondary. You’re getting burned by Justin Jefferson already, Martindale please fix this mess. (Something about the Ravens DB’s playing LSU receivers. I don’t like it) Minnesota took advantage of the early lead by making the Ravens pay for only having 2 players on the right side of the O-Line as Dalvin Cook pulled off his longest run of the season of 66 yards. And it led to a controversial TD as John Harbaugh believed that the officials missed a false start on Kirk Cousins’ QB sneak. (Harbs = Coach Bud. No shock) The 71,000 in attendance were quiet for much of the 1st Half as Greg Roman couldn’t figure out the Vikings defensive scheme as they added a field goal after a Lamar interception. Luckily for his sake the receivers began to get separation on Minnesota DBs as Jackson began to pick apart that secondary. Thanks to the help of a PI call which took away an incredible INT by the Vikings, Devonta Freeman scored to cut the lead to 17-10 at halftime.
All I can say is this, thank goodness the defense has stepped up today other than those 2 big plays in the 1st Quarter. All we need now is a stop so we can tie this game up as (Kick Return TD to start the 2nd Half) Marylander: GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE CAN THESE GUYS STOP PLAYING DOWN TO THEIR COMPETITION FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE! Yes I get the Vikings have plenty of talent, BUT CAN WE PLEASE STOP GIVING OUR FANS HEART ATTACKS EVERY WEEK! Narrator: Don’t worry buddy, these are the Vikings and they tend to keep games utterly close even if they should be winning by a lot. Marylander: How will that be the case in this game? Narrator: This is why! BOOM! (The Weeknd’s Take My Breath playing) Once again the Ravens have to play comeback in a game that they should be winning on paper. Action Jackson and Pat Ricard went right to work as soon as they got the ball back. Using Ricard in the passing game as a receiver, it’s like they are back in 2019 again. The drive ended with a touchdown by Project Pancake thanks to Roman being aggressive on 4th and Goal and Lamar taking advantage of Ricard being wide open. The defense stood tall on the next drive as they stopped 2 key 3rd Down plays and even overcame another fake punt play and still gave up no points. (Harbaugh getting beat at his own game so far, it’s like we never left Buffalo last January at all) As soon as Baltimore got the ball back they went 3 and out but the Roman Empire yet again decided to go for it on 4th and Short, and they converted again! (4th and 2, 4th and 7, 4th and YEAH WE’RE MAKING IT!) This was where Planet LJ would unleash his bestie as Hollywood began to take over the game as well. He took a WR screen on a 3rd and long and went 18 yards for a 1st. The drive ended with Devin Duvernay recreating Marlon Brown’s spectacular catch in the “Snow Game” to tie the game at 24.
Even the defense is making a former Harbs assistant go away from his game plan as it leads to another 3 and out. Baltimore is once again making a furious comeback as the Vikings have no answers for Jackson’s arm and now the Ravens running game. This is going to end badly for Minnesota isn’t it. “Bell, up the middle and into the endzone! Touchdown Baltimore!” Vikings fans: MOM IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! Narrator: Don’t worry Vikings fans you have plenty of High End Talent on offense as Kirk Cousins was finally able to figure out the Ravens secondary as he torched DeShon Elliott with a long pass to CJ Hamm. CRACK! Marylander: And the Joker tore his quadriceps on the play ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Narrator: Even if Minnesota was down to a 4th and 9 they converted it as Justin Jefferson finally got open for once after getting contained following his long TD. And then the Vikes tied the game thanks to REFBALL because Adam Thielen pushed off on Anthony Averett. (There was pushing and shoving on both sides so I won’t argue) As a result this game is going to OVERTIME!
In OT, the Ravens won the coin toss, and the ball. They once again pick apart the Minnesota defense both on the ground and through the air. They are now inside the Viking 30, just a few more manageable gains and the game is over. “Jackson, looking left, throws it to Ricard, and it’s tipped and (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) INTERCEPTED! Anthony Barr with the pick!” Oh my goodness this can’t be the way they lose this game. If Devonta Freeman could block Barr on that play the INT wouldn’t have happened. Fortunately for Planet LJ and the offense, they are getting another chance. Because the defense held the Vikings high powered offense to another 3 and out. Even if Minnesota pinned Jackson and company deep in their own end we all know what’s going to happen. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Right on cue Hollywood and Lamar continue to destroy any coverage that Mike Zimmer’s defense puts out there and get into field goal range quickly. Even REFBALL can’t stop this offense from being slowed down. Now the legendary JT can end the game and unleash the Maryland arrogance. “Tucker from 36 to win it, It’s good AND THE RAVENS HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!” Maryland: You hear me AFC that’s called the (League of Legends theme playing) FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YESSS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Narrator: Are we not shocked to see them come back from another 10+ point 2nd Half deficit. This was their achilles heel for the last 3 years and throughout the Harbaugh era. Heck the inability to come back from 10 point deficits goes back to the Billick era. Now we have witnessed the dawn of the next “Captain Comeback” in the NFL. (Thank you Greg Davis for that nickname since he and Roger Staubach both were in the Navy) To be honest Jackson has erased every single doubt that has come his way this year and now he has figured out how to be a great QB in this league. I was also impressed with the defense, they got down on themselves early but they never gave up. Even if DeShon Elliott is out for the season, Jimmy Smith is going to get more reps at safety. I don’t know how it will work. Thank goodness we have a soft schedule over the next 2 weeks. 8-2 before Thanksgiving is a sure possibility. Like Navy fans going crazy at Fox NFL Sunday, so are the Charm City Beasts. Marylander: WE’VE GOT A FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YESSSSSS!
Tom Matte
1939-2021
HalfWay Point
Baltimore Ravens (How the hell is this team still a Contender): The way the Ravens have started the season reminds me of how they started their Super Bowl season in 2012. Injuries, close games against bad teams, and having to rely on the talent of their QB and offense. When they are playing well on both sides at the same time, there isn’t a team in the AFC that can stop them. When they aren’t it’s frustrating to watch. This year Baltimore has expanded their offense with Lamar Jackson having more 300 yard passing games this year than he has had in his whole career coming into the season. The only thing holding them back is defensive tackling and communication. If Don Martindale can fix these small mental problems, this team could finally make it to the Super Bowl. To be honest when you end the season with 5 out of 7 against division rivals plus the Rams and Packers sandwiched in, you better have the #1 seed going into those games. At 6-2 they are certainly on track to do so. It will be a tough ask but knowing John Harbaugh’s career record in December they are getting the Top Seed in the AFC if they have to die trying!
Episode 9: at Dolphins (These Dolphins came out of NOWHERE!)
(Miami by Will Smith playing) “Yeah, Yeah Yeah. Uh, Miami! South Beach, Bringing the Heat, uh.” Narrator: Ah the flashbacks to the holiday seasons of both 2006 and 2019 when the Ravens were the world beaters of the NFL. It doesn’t matter that those 2 teams failed against an AFC South team on a 70 degree Saturday Night in their 1st playoff game, those times were fun for the fans while it lasted. Speaking of Miami, that’s where the Ravens are going this week for a primetime showdown against the Dolphins on Thursday Night. All I can say is, they better not overlook these guys the way they did with the Lions.
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Le’Veon Bell, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Nick Boyle, Calais Campbell, Brandon Williams, Marlon Humphrey, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, with Don Martindale, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander”
Season 2 Episode 9: A Complete Drowning in the Atlantic
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: With the way the Ravens have played this year it can seem routine. Another game, another comeback. I know they aren’t trying to do this on purpose but I think they are trying to play with the media because of their narratives around Lamar and not being able to come back. Planet LJ himself said that I’m not trying to do this every week, I want to play with a lead all game long. If I have to come back from holes like this I’ll do it. Part of the reason for Baltimore having to try and pull out the near impossible every week is defensive struggles. Luckily they only had one bad quarter against the Vikings and had miscommunications early on but they fixed them in the 2nd Half. Wink Martindale said after the game that we need to start communicating better if we want to stop getting burned all of the time. They have fixed their tackling issues compared to their last game against the Bungles, but overcoming adversity is a specialty in Baltimore. Another question surrounding the team is why does the offense have issues in the 1st Quarter of games. The Roman Empire explained it as, sometimes we take what the defense takes us, if it doesn’t work early on, don’t worry about it. In my opinion Roman has been honest for the issues this year unlike last year. (The real problem with the offense last year is no longer here) He seems more relaxed and allows Lamar to do his thing.
The former prodigal son of Pittsburgh Le’Veon Bell spoke to the media for the 1st time this season 2 days after the Minnesota game and said that both Coach Harbaugh and Lamar have made him and fellow former Steeler Alejandro Villanueva feel at home in Baltimore. That’s what a good organization can do. Harbaugh himself said that those 2 have mentored many of the younger players on the offense and have made them stronger as the year goes on. I honestly can’t wait for when those 2 come back to Heinz Field in Week 13. It will be like when Rod Woodson came back for the 1st time in 1998 all over again. Unlike the past few games, the Ravens now enter their home away from home. Miami, Florida for a showdown on Thursday Night against the 2-7 Dolphins. A team that has been injured all season, and have been underachieving expectations. This for sure sounds like a statement in the making. Baltimore has won 8 of 9 against Miami, Lamar is playing in his hometown. This should be an easy victory as Marylander: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The Marylander is outraged thanks to the result of this game. Please try again later. PAUSE.
Narrator: Now I understand why Harbaugh wanted the NFL to postpone the game because of an unplayable field. He didn’t want to see any of his players injured, plus they were on a short week and played into OT. To be honest this game should never have been played, the fact that they didn’t prepare the field at Hard Rock Stadium at all in the 4 days leading up to the game is proof that the Dolphins should build a new stadium. Why? Because even if it rains for 3 straight days before the game, and there are flood warnings, you should prepare the field right? No, the grounds crew trolled the Ravens the same way they did to the Jets in the 1982 AFC Championship game at the Orange Bowl. In my opinion this was the worst playing surface the Ravens have played on since their preseason game at Veterans Stadium in 2001, the difference was, Brian Billick got his wish when they cancelled the game, the difference here is that the game at the Vet was a preseason game, this one wasn’t. Unless there is severe weather in the area the NFL will postpone the game, there is no way they will do this because of a bad field. In my opinion Harbaugh is identical to James Franklin at Penn State. Underprepared, full of excuses, and can’t manage a game clock. Harbs you better get your act together unless you’ll be outta here just like Franklin most likely is at PSU. It’s fitting that Harbaugh’s contract is also up at the end of the year. PAUSE.
Narrator: To be honest this game was the worst game they have played since the London game against Jacksonville in 2017. An easily winnable game on paper, and they were victimized by a horrible field and bad play calling. In fact Harbaugh tried getting the league to postpone that game as well, AND LOST TOO! When are you going to realize that you can’t control what Roger Goodell does Johnny! Here’s a better idea, instead of whining about the field, how about you take fault for the fact that you were underprepared just like the playoffs the last few years. Also I think this is the first time all year that I have been angry at Greg Roman. How many times was he unaware of what Brian Flores was going to call on defense. It also doesn’t help that both Ben Powers and Tyre Phillips are hot garbage in terms of pass blocking. All I can say is this, why did you abandon your game plan after the first drive? Devonta Freeman ran the ball effectively on the opening drive and you rarely used him the rest of the game. You better change things quickly unless Planet LJ and Hollywood will throw you under the bus for the lack of adjustments. Here is what I cannot stand about this game in terms of offensive play calling and adjustments. They made the Miami Dolphins a team that lost to the JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS of all teams, and has perhaps the worst defense in football look like the Gritz Blitz Falcons from 1977-1980. The fact that they couldn’t stop that Sticky Sand blitz and had Lamar run for his life is going to cause everyone to panic going forward. Don’t worry G-Ro there are still 8 games left and even if that schedule is hard on paper I think if you can make adjustments and start moving the ball early in the game it should work well for the team going forward. The only other thing I can say is you better adjust to Sticky Sand because other teams are going to run that play until you figure it out. PAUSE.
Narrator: The only positive that came out of this loss was the defense played pretty well excluding the final drive of the game. To be honest the Ravens should have gotten shut out. Their only 2 scoring drives happened because of penalties and they couldn’t stop Sticky Sand all night long. It also doesn’t help that the weather was 80 degrees with 95% humidity which led to many guys on both sides cramping. The fact that they weren’t ready for the field and humidity causes great concern going forward. Do you think this team can win one playoff game with how they have played this year? They got sacked 6 times, missed 2 field goals, gave up a safety, allowed a defensive touchdown, and punted 8 times. This Ravens team is the product of an elite QB ravaged by injuries around him, and they confirmed it for a National Audience. This was the game they needed to win to take total control of the division. Now it gets harder, next week they play in Chicago, the last time they played there they faced a Tornado. Who knows what the weather will be like. And after that 5 of their last 7 games will be against division rivals, with the Packers and Rams sandwiched in between. I know there is a long way to go and this league has been full of crazy upsets this year, but my goodness this is rough, when you lose to a team that you were heavily favored to beat it should cause great concern. Not the Ravens, they always have this kind of game every year against a team they should crush, but it only makes them stronger. Thank god, the rest of the division is stuck in mediocrity so we are still in 1st place.
Episode 10: at Bears (No LJ, No Problem)
November 17, 2013: BOOM! “Welcome back to Chicago, as you can see we are now in a weather delay due to a possible Tornado warning around Soldier Field, we’ll update you about the information as soon as we can.” Narrator: Wow, it’s been 8 years since a delay that rivals the power outage at Super Bowl XLVII. Just like in the big game the Ravens held another 17+ point lead going into the stoppage, but this time they couldn’t hold it as the game resumed. Da Bears scored 20 unanswered points and eventually won the game in OT. What began as an uncharacteristically warm 65 degree overcast day in the Windy City, ended in a frigid outcome that perfectly symbolizes how much the temperature dropped during this game. Hopefully we don’t get the same outcome following that embarrassment last week in Miami.
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Bradley Bozeman, Nick Boyle, Calais Campbell, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, with Don Martindale, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander, and the President of Abearica Hiei 2K7
Season 2 Episode 10: Bear Necessities
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Things are looking shaky for the Boys in Purple. After a strong 1st 8 games, uncertainty has popped up after an embarrassing loss to the Dolphins on Thursday Night. One of them involves the defense. They did their part for much of this game however another busted coverage was key to Miami winning the game. The Wink said in his weekly press conference that these issues have to stop immediately. We have talent on defense, but we can’t make stupid plays every week. I totally agree with him. The defense’s biggest issues are themselves. If they can communicate, they should be back in 2018 form. Much of the heat was also taken on the Roman Empire. After not being able to adjust to that Sticky Sand blitz, the 1st thing he told Lamar at team meetings that Monday was that all we are doing this week in drills is preparing for that blitz. They better come back better after what happened last week. Speaking of Planet LJ he had his jersey number retired this past weekend by The University of Louisville. He became the 2nd player from his old college to have his jersey retired. The other just happened to be Johnny Unitas. (He had a statue outside of M&T Bank Stadium too) Maybe a homecoming trip influences the QB1 to dominate the rest of the season. There would be a roadblock in the path of Jackson’s MVP season. He ONCE AGAIN was dealing with a non COVID related cold. (I happen to have the same symptoms right now just typing this) When he spoke to the media, Lamar felt much better than he did on Wednesday and Thursday. He however was put back on the injured list on Saturday but still had a 50-50 chance to play this week. What is Planet LJ’s fate? (YoYo Sound) Inactive! Marylander: OH COME ON! HOW MANY ROADBLOCKS ARE WE GETTING THIS YEAR BECAUSE OF INJURIES AND HEALTH!? HARBS PLEASE GET SAUNDERS OUT OF THE BUILDING! PAUSE.
It’s going to be even more of a hurdle to win this week now, not just of the absence of Jackson, but Le’Veon Bell getting cut (he will be back on the Practice Squad soon) and Hollywood being inactive too. Fortunately for Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh and the rest of the Boys in Purple they get to face another team stuck in mediocrity. The Chicago Bears. A team that has lost 4 straight games and can’t tank because their 1st Round pick is Giants Property. Not to mention Khalil Mack and Eddie Jackson are out long term. This should be an easy win even without Lamar but the Bears have been the definition of torture to Baltimore. The Ravens have not won against Da Monsters of the Midway since 2009 and Harbaugh has been snakebitten against them. The main connection? The Bears have gotten incredibly lucky when they have beaten the Ravens. The ghosts of the Tornado Game, Jordan Howard, and Josh McCown have haunted the Marylanders and eventually cost them playoff spots in each of those years.
Early in this game it would be sloppy on both sides. The Ravens O-Line couldn’t block a cold as Tyler Huntley kept getting pounded to the turf by the Chicago front 7. Maybe cutting Le’Veon wasn’t such a good idea when it comes to passing blocking. It’s ok because Wink Martindale made it clear that Justin Fields wasn’t going to do anything against an injury riddled Baltimore defense. The only things helping the Ravens were that Justin Tucker wasn’t going to let the wind of a stadium consume him like last year in Buffalo. Even when the Bears had momentum it would be halted because of an Offensive Line breakdown or Calais Campbell winning an Academy Award for the best flopp of the NFL season so far. At halftime Baltimore led 6-0 even if Huntley was starting to get settled in. Defense, listen to me, don’t have the possibility of a backup QB beating you for the 2nd week in a row, beat up Fields but not too much. CRACK! Marylander: Oh NO! DID THEY NOT LEARN FROM MIAMI LAST THURSDAY! Now they get to face the RED RIFLE! OH PAUSE.
Narrator: Andy Dalton, a man who Ravens fans have known for basically a decade. He has had a 4th and 12 as well as a last second Hail Mary against the Ravens since 2013. Let’s see how he does this time? A TD off a 2 play drive, don’t tell me we are losing to a backup QB for the 2nd week in a row. Marylander: Is this Charlie Batch and Bruce Gradkowski AGAIN! Narrator: Even after the Bears took the lead Huntley would try to answer right back, but there was another figure from the 4th and 12 game that they had to deal with shortly. Marylander: SEAN SMITH! That guy has been a total thorn in the Ravens fans side over the last 5 years! Narrator: I agree because he was the ref in the 4th and 12, the Cleveland game in Week 17 in 2018 where he almost gave the Steelers the AFC North off of bad calls, and Baltimore nearly blew a 22 point lead in Philadelphia last year. And now they had 3 holding penalties in a row. Marylander: This guy must be a Steelers or Browns fan! Narrator: Not to mention Huntley threw an interception at the beginning of the 4th Quarter because Tashawn Gibson ripped the ball away from Mark Andrews when he was clearly down. Even if that was ruled a catch by Baltimore it would have been called back because YOU GUESSED IT there was a holding call against the Army Ranger. It’s ok because the offense finally were able to get points on the board with 3 minutes left as JT kicked his 3rd field goal of the game. Leading 9-7 there should be no reason why the Red Rifle is going to beat us again! PAUSE.
ALRIGHT THEY ARE DOWN TO A 4TH AND 12! THERE SHOULD BE NO DRAMA UNLIKE 2017! “Dalton under pressure, he throws it deep for Goodwin and he HAS IT TOUCHDOWN BEARS!” (Fire Alarm) Marylander: OH MY GOD! DALTON JUST BURNED US ON 4TH AND 12 AGAIN!!! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! Narrator: You may be right, there may be no way we are going to win now, Huntley has not scored a TD all day long. BEEP! OOOH! Sean Smith hasn’t robbed the Ravens yet, they gave them a 25 yard play thanks to a PI call. BUZZER. Just as I say that they get called for a potential game losing penalty. However there is nothing to be afraid of because Marylander: OF THE HIGH END TALENT! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Narrator: Once again the Ravens get bailed out by talent and now take the lead as Devonta Freeman did what Ray Rice couldn’t at the end of the Tornado Game. Score the potential game winning touchdown. Marylander: TAKE 2! THEY ARE DOWN TO THEIR FINAL STRIKE AGAIN! SOMEONE MAKE A PLAY! “The Ravens bring 4, Dalton throws, he is under pressure and held up by Tyus Bowser and this game is over.” Narrator: Thank goodness this game is over! The Ravens are now 7-3, and they still lead the AFC North. What a time to be alive. PAUSE.
For a further analysis of this game as well as this season has been so far in Chicago we go to a Bears fan who is ready to rage on Matt Nagy yet again.
Hiei 2K7 (From 9-28-21): “Matt Nagy, let me introduce you to a little website, if you’re out there I want you to go to ides.illinois.gov. That is where your next opportunity is going to be if you go to that website. Ides.illinois.gov. And for those of you who have never lived in the state of Illinois. That’s the website for the ILLINOIS DEPARTMENT OF EMPLOYMENT SERVICES! AND YOU’RE (Sensored) FIRED!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU IN CHICAGO OR LAKE FOREST OR THE STATE OF ILLINOIS EVER AGAIN!!!” Narrator: Wow! That’s cold. But anyways that was a gutsy win to maintain 1st place in the AFC North. And even better, the Ravens now have the 2nd seed in the AFC. Yes they may be ugly and uninspiring at times but we need to believe in our football team. To close out this show the Marylander has a skit from the Jungle Book about the outcome of this game that he would like to recite. Take it away.
Marylander: Oh there’s gonna be some Bear Necessities, the glories of being 7-3. Forget about that bad game Thursday Night. I hear the Bear Necessities, we roast Sean Smith and Nagy. The Bears can’t tank cuz their 1st Round pick is gone. YEAAAAAAAAAH!
Episode 11: vs Browns (Unleash the Almighty Blackout!)
PA System: “America, it’s time. Sunday Night is the night where the stars come out to shine. Under Primetime Lights it’s more than a fight. It’s where heavyweights collide. Tonight the Browns and Ravens lay it all on the line!” Narrator: Ah yes a Sunday Night Football flashback intro which makes me wanna go back to the glory years of the Ray Lewis and Ed Reed era. And one more thing. Marylander: WELCOME TO THE GREATEST PRIMETIME ATMOSPHERE IN ALL OF THE NFL! (Ravens fans yelling) THE BLACKOUT IS HERE!!! Greg Davis: Ladies and Gentlemen… HERE! COME!! THE RAVENS!!!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Devonta Freeman, Marquise Brown, Sammy Watkins, Mark Andrews, Calais Campbell, Tyus Bowser, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, with Don Martindale, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest Appearances by Browns Superfan KTO, Snoop Dogg, and the Salty Marylander on air and live.
Season 2 Episode 11: The 2021 BLACKOUT Game
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: You see how I used the Faith Hill Sunday Night intro from 2011-12 when introducing the cast instead of the usual U2 guitar solo during Where the Streets have No Name. Crazy I know. Anyways after a gutsy win in Chicago, the Ravens have no time to relax over Thanksgiving like last year because of COVID. They have bigger fish to fry. 5 of their last 7 games are against division rivals with the Packers and Rams sandwiched in between. Just like 2019 this is a brutal stretch that will say many things about the Boys in Purple. John Harbaugh knows this very well. This team has played some of their best football under Harbs in December and if they ace this gauntlet it will prove why he should be Coach of the Year for the 2nd time in 3 years. There have been many questions throughout the week. One of them being the health surrounding Planet LJ. His symptoms of the Winter Flu prevented him from taking action in the Ravens win last Sunday in Chicago. Luckily for all the homers in the Baltimore Media, Jackson said on Wednesday that there was no way he was missing the next game. “I felt good, great this time, god dang.” says Lamar in an attempt to fire up all of the Marylanders.
For Coach Harbaugh this weekend is very important. Not only is it Thanksgiving, he and his brother Jim Harbaugh have big time matchups against Ohio teams on their home fields. Yes you heard that, Michigan going into this weekend’s matchup with THE Ohio State University had lost 8 straight games to the Buckeyes dating back to 2012, and Jim Harbaugh’s record against them was 0-5 but all of those were against Urban Meyer. Now against a 2nd year coach in Ryan Day maybe a new storyline will be written. And indeed it was! The Wolverines dominated Ohio State and were in control for much of the game. They used a game plan that would make Bo Schembechler himself proud. In recent years in this matchup they didn’t run the ball, THEY HAD TO RUN THE FOOTBALL MORE! It worked because Hassan Haskins tied a Michigan record with 5 TDs. The end of the game was bedlam as expected because the Maize and Blue fans stormed the field and were partying all night after the game. This game basically clinched the Wolves spot in the College Football Playoff. And good times were had by every single member of the Harbaugh Family.
Just like his brother Jim, John Harbaugh and his Ravens are entering a bigtime showdown against a team from the state of Ohio. Parris Glendening (Nativity Advent Spiral playing): “Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT AT HAND! THE BROWNS ARE INDEED COMING TO BALTIMORE!” Narrator: Except this time, Harbaugh and the rest of the Ravens have the precious narratives over his opponents. The Ravens are 7-0 in primetime games all time against their old franchise, and are 18-3 in primetime games at home since his arrival in 2008. Not to mention they are undefeated in primetime while in their all black alternates at night since 08. Speaking of the All Black Uniforms, not only were the players told to wear Black but the fans attending the game were told to do so as well. Apparently Steve Bisciotti is trying a marketing idea to rival the Whiteout at Penn State. In his eyes most of the fans wear black anyways to night games later in the season once the weather drops a bit. So what better idea to convince the 71,000 fans that will attend this game to wear nothing but black Ravens gear. (Jersey’s, Sweatshirts, Coats, Gloves, Hats, YOU NAME IT!) And this doesn’t even mention that they are giving out glow in the dark wristbands so fans can create a light show during the intros and key plays during the game.
Due to the importance of this game because of narratives and bragging rights being on the line in this so-called one sided rivalry, we have sent out our beloved Salty Marylander who will be joining us live from M&T Bank Stadium. Let’s see what he has to say. Marylander (Live): “All I can say is, after what Jim Harbaugh did yesterday, his big bro needs to back it up right now. The AFC’s #1 seed is ours for the taking. There are no excuses if we fail. The Browns think they are going to beat the breaks off of them. I have one thing to say to them. “Bring on the Dawgs and their angry crowds, to the best fans in the league. And when they went back to Cleveland, we’ll be cheering them on… WHEN THEY LEAVE!!! (Ravens fans yelling)” Narrator: Ah yes, the media wants the Ravens precious narratives to die too. Many are saying that this is the game that Baker Mayfield balls out after a week of being the center of the National Media. (It’s like this every time during the week leading up to when they play the Ravens) As for Cleveland themselves, oh they are only marching into the greatest night game atmosphere in the NFL. (If you listen closely, you can hear the Marylander reciting the words to Warriors by League of Legends) This is a kind of game that should be close and hard fought.
Serious Narrator: This game requires no regular voice and more of a serious tone because of the stakes of it. This matchup of talented squads begins with both teams trying to gain momentum early on. Other than a long completion to Jarvis Landry the Browns had limited space to run on their opening drive. The killers being a dropped pass by Donovan Peoples Jones, and Chase McLaughlin missing a field goal wide to the left. (It seems like Justin Tucker is the only one that can figure out the wind directions in this stadium) The momentum didn’t last long as Planet LJ was chucked into the ground by Miles Garrett. Which led to a short 6 play drive. Then we get to the weekly Football Follies! Also known as Ravens vs REFBALL! If you don’t know this, the referee crew of Jerome Boger was officiating Super Bowl XLVII in which the Ravens held off an epic comeback by the 49ers. Which in Baltimore terms he gets a pass. In this game he and his crew, unlike their Week 3 fiasco in San Francisco, Boger and his fellow officials went against the home crowd. Beginning with a question PI call against Marlo (I won’t argue the call, there was clearly contact) the refs were once again out to get Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh! (Benny Hill music playing) A major example was on the very next Baltimore possession. The Ravens tried running a fake punt with Anthony Levine as the upback, only for that to get called back thanks to the officials not being ready. Then Jackson and company were set to go for it on a 4th and 2, yet just before the snap, fans argued that the Browns should have been called for 12 men on the field. How can this get crazy? BEEP! “12 men on the field, defense.” Really Joe Woods, you had 12 men on the field for 3 straight plays and didn’t notice it, I mean COME ON! That’s a mistake they make in Pop Warner and you did it in an NFL game. And more baffling is that there was a 15 yard cheap shot hit by Malik McDowell which led to a drive ending field goal for Justin Tucker. Cleveland doing Cleveland things. NOT SHOCKED!
Following a 3 and out by Mayfield, the Men in Black needed to go down the field quickly. They answered the call. Planet LJ torched the Browns on this possession with both his arm and his legs. But just as they get deep into Browns territory, they stall out thanks to Miles Garrett being a wrecking machine. They could go for it on 4th Down but Kevin Zeitler made one of his few mistakes this season by getting called for a false start. Thus resulting in another Tucker field goal. (Take the points, good logic) Baker in response hit Harrison Bryant on a corner route. (Marlon Humphrey getting burned, something you don’t see every day) Then the Turnover Carnival began! (Circus music) “Mayfield is ready for the backwards pass, but Landry, Lookout, got hit as he was going to throw it. This should be a fumble, and the Ravens have recovered.” (Who is Jarvis trying to be? Kobe Hudson of Auburn during the Whiteout game) Odafe Oweh channeling his inner Derrick Tangelo I see. Even though this should be a done deal, Lamar gave it right back to Cleveland with an INT thanks to Rashod Bateman not knowing where the ball is. Luckily for him and Greg Roman it only led to a field goal and a 6-3 game. Making up for that sequence, Planet LJ leads his mates to another interception. This time he didn’t see Grant Delpit and got burned. (I thought we were done with this nonsense) Any other team would normally capitalize on this mistake. Oh right this is Cleveland! They can’t have anything good in their lives. Baker loses the ball and Baltimore recovers it in another massive scrum. (Incoming Colin Cowherd criticism for Baker) Fortunately for Browns fans Jackson got picked off again! Marylander (Live): OH GIVE ME A BREAK! PAUSE.
Serious Narrator: Turns out that John Harbaugh was livid at Roman and his playcalling and told Lamar just give the ball to the Goldmine of a Tight End. Even if Mark Andrews has been doubled all night, they need a spark. I wonder where that is going to come from? “He releases as Jackson points. Throws it downfield, Andrews got free. Lamar couldn’t get it to him and he caught it anyway!” WOW! That is one impressive catch. You know what is even more impressive, they ran the same play on 3rd and 10 3 plays later and what happened? Another insane catch by #89 for a touchdown! Marylander plus 71,000 fans: “YEAAAAAAAAH!” Davis: “Pass complete to Mark Andrews in the endzone! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS!” That play might have just taken the air out of Kevin Stefanski and Joe Woods. Ravens fans: R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS! (The only time Real Fan Dan was shown on the video board in that game) Serious Narrator: Well if there is any indication, the crowd is clearly in Baker’s head. The Browns offense continues to sputter and Baltimore has a chance to extend the lead. The only problem was that they stalled just outside of field goal range thus preventing a 3rd Quarter dagger.
How can this game get even crazier? BOOM! More REFBALL because why not? Lets begin with a roughing the passer call against Tyus Bowser that was very questionable. In my opinion, that was a legit call. Bowser’s helmet was all over Mayfield which was proof that Boger made the right call. Next up, Cleveland finally gets into the endzone on a 20 yard TD pass to David Njoku. But as expected there was plenty of controversy. Many Ravens fans were arguing that the ball clearly touched the ground, and all scoring plays are reviewable. What was the concluding result of this play. Boger: “After review, the ruling on the field stands.” Ravens fans: “BOOOOOOO!” Serious Narrator: Really you’re going to call that a catch. What evidence was there for it to be ruled a touchdown. Marylander (Live): “I think the officials are being mind controlled by Max Kellerman and Dan Orlovsky. They just want Cleveland to win so Baker can get hyped.” Serious Narrator: MY POINT EXACTLY! All of a sudden it’s a 3 point game. The offense needs to put points on the board fast. However Lamar got picked off again on a nice catch by John Johnson. Marylander: STOP THIS ALREADY! Serious Narrator: Calm down this is Cleveland, they have shot themselves in the foot all night. Marylander: Ok.
Serious Narrator: Just when you think the Ravens will hand the Browns the game, Mayfield and OC Bill Callahan get in their own way once again. Cleveland is forced to punt even with Planet LJ giving them a prime chance to win the game. Then John Harbaugh in the words of Schembechler told the Roman Empire. “We didn’t run the ball enough. WE’VE GOTTA RUN THE FOOTBALL MORE!” That’s exactly what they did. With Devonta Freeman finally getting space to run, the Ravens chewed up the clock and are now a 1st Down away from running the clock out. It looks like this game is over, “Holding, offense #72.” And of course it can’t be a Ravens game without REFBALL trying to hold them back. Really Ben Powers, you’re going to get called for holding this late. Just don’t worry about it, ok. Even as Baltimore failed to run out the clock Justin Tucker extended their lead to 6. Oh boy the Browns have a chance to make up for their failed final drive in 2018. This crowd better be at full scream right now. (Hot in Herre playing) There he is! Ray Lewis is inside M&T baby. He and Ed Reed may not be on the field playing, but they must have sparked the defense to go out there and win the game. (I still am not sure if Reed was there too, if he was they probably would have shown him too.) Just like in that 2018 Week 17 game, the Browns are down to their final strike. What will they do to stay alive? “Here comes a blitz, they do. Mayfield throws, it’s caught by Njoku, (League of Legends theme playing) can’t get there! Bowser the tackle, Baltimore will take it!” (Flashbacks: “Ed Reed. Interception! And Ed Reed brings it out of the endzone! 106 yards!” “A 4th and 10, and here they come Mayfield’s pass! IS INTERCEPTED BY MOSLEY! And the Ravens are gonna take the division!” “Hollywood Brown, he’s going in! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS! OH IT’S UNBELIEVABLE!”) “Jackson will take a knee and this one is over.” PAUSE.
Regular Narrator: Cleveland is officially broken! Despite all of the hype on Draft Weekend and throughout the summer plus the talent on display it only leads to one outcome. Losing to the Ravens again, in a primetime game at M&T Bank Stadium, AGAIN! I could just copy and paste the scripts of Ravens vs Browns games in the past and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Including Baker Mayfield being the center of the National Media leading up to the game. The only difference was, the Browns picked off Lamar Jackson 4 times and still lost the game. You know this rivalry has reached meme territory for the Dawg Pound. 8 straight primetime losses to Baltimore. They are more of a demon than John Elway and Red Right 88 ever could be. At 6-6 with the heart of their schedule coming up, Cleveland is in serious trouble especially since they suffered the NFL’s version of Groundhog Day. For more on this story we go to a Browns fan for a skit of their last 3 games.
KTO (After beating the Bengals): Man does it feel good to be a Browns fan.
Snoop Dogg (Being a bandwagon): What up, this is big Snoop Dogg. Dawg Pound, y’all better turn it up this week. Y’all got a new feeling, new spirit. Let’s go get it done Dawg Pound.
Media: Are these Browns, these new look Browns, all sexy on paper Super Bowl Contenders? YES THEY ARE!
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“The Patriots have beaten the doors off the Browns.”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“Tip up and it’s picked off by the Lions!”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“Touchdown Mark Andrews! What a throw from Lamar Jackson!”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
KTO: We have to play the Ravens again in 2 weeks, if we don’t solve our problems by then it’s another lost season.
Ravens fans: YOU CAN’T BEAT US! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! (X4) YEAAAH!!!
KTO: Can we please fast forward to next year, Sincerely, all Browns fans.
Narrator: All of the salt coming from Lake Erie, Fox Sports, and ESPN is incredible! I think it’s time for the Marylander’s take on this one.
Marylander: This may have been one of the most bizarre games that I have ever been to in person. It felt like old school Ravens Football, with defense being the focus of the game. Isn’t it nice to see our defense finally break out into their full potential. I don’t want to hear another word about how Baker played this badly. Let me tell you this, WE TOOK THE BEST RUN GAME IN THE NATION AND HELD THEM TO 40 YARDS! And this was without Calais Campbell, and Jimmy Smith. Once those 2 come back it’s a feeding frenzy once again! The offense was sloppy including LJ but who cares if he throws 4 picks A WIN’S A WIN! All I saw out there was Jerome Boger and his crew trying to throw flags at the Ravens all night long. WE BEAT 2 TEAMS OUT THERE! THE BROWNS AND THE REFS! WE SHOULD BE 9-3, 10-3 AFTER THIS! I don’t care how much we have been doubted, and that our Top Seed in the AFC is a fluke. THEY MAY RANK US BEHIND THE PATS, CHIEFS, BUNGLES, AND BILLS IN THE POWER RANKINGS THIS WEEK! BUT THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: There’s the optimism we need! With a “6 game season” ahead of them, Baltimore is on pace for homefield in the playoffs. As the narratives of beating Cleveland continue, SO ARE THE CHARMC CITY BEASTS! Marylander: WE’VE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YEAAAH!
Episode 12: at Steelers (Nothing serious… we think)
“Nothing refocuses the attention like Ravens Steelers.” Narrator: Those words have been very true over the last 20+ years. Regardless of who each team has, or if they are contenders or not there is one conclusion. Every game between these 2 teams is an instant classic. Marylander: There is no greater rivalry in the NFL than BALTIMORE VS PITTSBURGH!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Devonta Freeman, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Alejandro Villanueva, Brandon Williams, Patrick Queen, Odafe Oweh, Marlon Humphrey, with Justin Tucker, and John Harbaugh. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander
Season 2 Episode 12: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS TEAM?
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Yes it’s that time of year, no that time of year when everyone is focusing about Christmas, IT’S THIS TIME OF YEAR! When it’s us against the elements, us vs the Media, and us vs Odds. IT’S DECEMBER FOOTBALL! What the Ravens do over the next 6 games will set the table for the playoffs. They have overcome injuries, a difficult schedule, and have won 8 of 10. Even at 8-3, Baltimore still has plenty of questions. “We’ve done nothing yet!” Marylander: That’s right John Harbaugh! We still have demons to exorcise! Narrator: Save the energy for the game. As I was saying, now that the calendar has turned to December, that means any questions about this team will either be answered or remain the same all month. Harbs himself said that one of those issues was offensive execution. (No he wasn’t in favor of it) He did say that we have to finish drives, and we have to protect better since teams are trying to figure us out. Not to mention at practice on Thursday it was said in stone that he was a huge fan of Hallmark Christmas Movies. Remember how the Ravens Media Team did a segment on if Harbaugh could choose any actor to play him in a movie? They doubled down on it. He says that the stories in these movies are incredible. Planet LJ was on the same page as Harbs and Greg Roman when it came to offensive execution, after throwing a career high 4 interceptions against the Browns on Sunday Night, he has gone back into his training lab and improved his passing game. (We hope) In his words Jackson played like a rookie excluding the moments when he needed to make a play in order to win. “I’d rather have a game like this now, rather than in January.” he told the media earlier this week. I agree with that since he is saving his MVP form for the playoffs I guess. Patrick Queen on the other hand may have had his best game of the season Sunday Night. Whether it was stopping Chubb or Hunt, or making key plays at the right time he didn’t disappoint. Maybe having the Linebacker GOAT in attendance boosted his confidence. Queen himself said that “Ray Lewis being there helped me a lot.” (He’s more of a Bart Scott or Ed Hartwell kind of player but it still works) With the defense back in sync even without Calais Campbell, Wink Martindale has said that this is only the beginning. “We are going to have to back it up if we have any chance of going far.” And they know it.
This upcoming matchup has playoff implications on both sides. Not only are the Ravens trying to hold onto the #1 seed, they are headed to uncharted territory. You want to know why? Styx: “Oh Mama, I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law. Lawman has put an end to my run and I’m so far from my hope. Oh Mama, I’ve been hearing you crying, you’re so scared and all alone. Hangman is coming down from the gallows and I don’t have very long. YEAH!” Narrator: It’s because the Boys in Purple are making their annual trip to Heinz Field to take on the Steelers. They may be 5-5-1 plus have no true direction thanks to the decline of Big Ben and their Offensive Line, but you can never take Mike Tomlin and his team seriously. Especially after he called out Chase Claypool for blasting music at practice. Their internet sensation said it would be a positive effect but the Bullfrog of a coach told him, “I run the practices not you.” I wonder how bonkers this would have become if JuJu Smith Schuster hadn’t gotten injured.
(Nativity Advent Spiral playing) This game in particular means a lot to Ravens Tackle Alejandro Villanueva. Being a former Steeler himself, the Army Ranger has known that organization for a long time and Mike Tomlin as well as the Leader of Men showed him the love of the game when he first arrived there. Now being on the other side of the Ravens Steelers rivalry like Rod Woodson, Mike Wallace, and a few others before him. (I wish Le’Veon Bell was still in B-More so he could get a taste of this rivalry, maybe he could if the Ravens bring him back to the practice squad) it feels like water under the Clemente Bridge as Yinzers would call it. He said ”There is truly an emotional component of going back to Pittsburgh, it’s a city that I’ve lived the longest in my life; I had all four of my kids there; I went to school in Pittsburgh.” He also compared this rivalry to Real Madrid vs FC Barcelona because he grew up in Spain. In my opinion this is the NFL’s version of Yankees vs Red Sox, any time these teams meet it’s an important game. No matter who is good or not there always is something on the line. In this case Pittsburgh has much more to play for than the Ravens. One more loss may take the Steelers out of the playoffs completely. Even if Baltimore has a strong advantage on paper, we all know those Yinzers will make it hard on them all evening long. The current tally between Harbaugh and Tomlin since 2008 has been 15-14 in favor of Pittsburgh, if the Ravens win it will be tied at 15 with the #1 seed is still maintained. This weekend the Ravens are once again being superstitious in terms of uniforms. Last week was a Blackout, this week is a Whiteout. (It’s fitting since they are playing 2.5 hours West of Penn State) Hopefully they can win in that combo considering what happened the last time they wore all White.
Serious Narrator (Rocky II Conquest playing): I’m sorry that I’m now shouting because this game like most years in this hated rivalry is super serious. In the heart of the Mustard Palace, the Ravens look for the early edge against a Steelers team that is now doing everything in their power to win. Early in this game, the Baltimore offense went right to work. They picked the Steelers D apart until they got down inside the 15. Following a sack and delay of game, the Ravens were forced into a 3rd and long, looks like they have to settle for a field goal as Marylander: AAAAAAAAAAH! What kind of idea was that to throw into harm’s way? Is that Lamar or Brett Favre right there? Serious Narrator: As expected the Ravens defense would help out the struggling offense, they made sure that Najee Harris had no room to run. Just like most times in this rivalry, points would be hard to come by. Thats because both Don Martindale and Keith Butler did excellent jobs during the week in terms of scheming their opponents. Then another element that is expected in this rivalry showed up, REFBALL! Normally it would be Pittsburgh benefitting from terrible calls in these games, but early on that wasn’t the case. All the Yinzers in attendance were livid at the officials for not calling a helmet to helmet hit on Chuck Clark, and giving TJ Watt an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. To be fair, both of those were legit calls, it’s only a matter of time before the NFL returns the favor to their opponents. For now the Ravens take advantage of those controversial calls and go on a 16 play, 99 yard drive to take a 7-0 lead. Even as the Leader of Men and his crew storm back for a field goal before halftime there is hope for all Marylanders. (The Bengals already lost, and the Browns are on their Bye Week, should be a perfect chance at a firm lead in the division)
In the 2nd Half this is where both teams would try and take it to another level. We know that Big Ben is a fighter especially in these games. I’ve seen this movie too many times to know that he is probably going to pull a rabbit out of his hat in the end. For now however the Ravens can extend their 4 point halftime lead to 7. Not to mention their domination up front against Najee Harris and the Pittsburgh O-Line was growing. Baltimore has a chance to march their rivals out of their own building. Looks like the AFC North is theirs for the taking. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh but the Football Gods have plans for Ravens fans once again. You know how REFBALL bit the Steelers in the 1st Half, they must have been told by the ghosts of Myron Cope to start making bad calls on the Ravens. For example, a missed call against Joe Schobert who clearly was grabbing Devonta Freeman’s face mask. If they make that call the game is at least 13-3. Marylander: We all know what’s going to happen, the NFL is going to give the Rooney Family and all of the Yinzers false hope once again.
BOOM! (Pennsylvania Polka playing) MOM IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! Serious Narrator: It’s at this moment when Big Ben turns the clock back to the 2010 AFC Championship. In just 2 plays, the Steelers found the endzone but couldn’t tie the game because Chris Boswell shanked an extra point. The Ravens would get the ball again, as they drove deep into Pittsburgh territory and had a chance to take their lead up to 8 points. Only to be stuffed on a 3rd and short. It’s ok because they at least got a field goal out of this. Even with a 4 point lead, the Ravens certainly can’t make it easy on themselves again. Roethlisberger was in complete control and took advantage of Chuck Clark suffering a concussion which removed him from the game. Now down to 2 backup safeties Baltimore needed to do something to stop the bleeding. For the moment they did, holding the Steelers to another field goal. Planet LJ is trying to keep up and the Ravens have a chance to extend their lead, that was until yet another false start prevented them from moving the ball. By the way they had 9 false starts in this game. It’s like watching the Penn State Iowa game all over again except the QB isn’t knocked out of the game. (Lamar though clearly isn’t 100% healthy either) Thus the fears of Ravens fans are coming true, they once again have no answers for the great Leader of Men. Many are saying this is because of injuries but that doesn’t explain the full story. It’s one of those things that wakes up a Ravens fan at night, how many times has this happened where the Ravens blow a lead to Big Ben? At least 10 times. (It was the same with Peyton Manning and Patrick Mahomes too) But there is a feeling this will be different, I know it. “Roethlisberger throws to the right, it’s tipped in the air and INTERCEPTED!” BEEP! (I KNEW IT!) Yep, anytime the Ravens think a win is theirs against the Steelers, the officials most likely take it away. In my opinion no, Baltimore did not get robbed. That was a legit PI call, Anthony Averett admitted that in the postgame press conference. Wouldn’t you know it, that 2nd chance allowed Pittsburgh to take a 7 lead with 2 minutes left. How can this get worse for the Ravens? CRACK! (Marlon Humphrey out for the year) Oh No, Oh No, OH NO! Why did it have to be Marlo, he’s the only reason their secondary is relevant with all of the injuries that they have had. Plus Chuck Clark could be out for a while too. Now they are down to their 3rd, 4th, and 7th string corners, and their 3rd string safeties. Just stop with the injury nonsense. There is still plenty of time for a comeback, and why not. Even if TJ Watt sacked Planet LJ for a 4th time, the Ravens still made up for it by converting a 3rd and 15. With 15 seconds and no timeouts left Baltimore has a chance to get into the endzone and force an interesting decision. “Jackson goes for the endzone, (HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!) caught by Sammy Watkins for a Touchdown!” You know Lamar can be frustrating to watch at times but Holy Cow, can he master the 2 minute drill. High End Talent is going to be the key to this game. Which leads to the question of what they will do on the extra point. Considering that their entire starting secondary is possibly out for the season, and Big Ben has scored 17 4th Quarter points against Wink Martindale’s defense, they have no choice but to go for 2. Normally I wouldn’t do it, but in this case, DO IT JOHNNY! “Jackson for the win, he throws it to the right and it’s DROPPED!” (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Really, all of that flash and dash to lose like that. I mean who is blocking TJ Watt on that play? Roman you better be sent to the doghouse after the game. (Its fitting because that’s where they are going next week) PAUSE
I had a feeling this would happen. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but there was part of me that felt like when Big Ben and GM Kevin Colbert announced that this was going to be their last season that the Ravens would lose this game. You may be asking yourself, why do you think that? It’s because any time that a team has a franchise icon about to go into retirement, it rallies the entire squad. I don’t think the Ravens blew this game, the Steelers earned it, and it probably saved their entire season and Tomlin’s legacy in Pittsburgh. In fact the Steelers went through the same thing in 2005 when both Jerome Bettis and Myron Cope were retiring after that year. That team went on to win the Super Bowl as a 6 seed. The good news is that the Ravens still control their own destiny in the AFC North but their hopes of getting the #1 seed is most likely gone. This was the game they needed to basically lock down the division title. Now it gets even harder. Next week they play the Browns in Cleveland, that team is hungry to get payback on Baltimore for what happened last week and over the last 25 years, good luck there. Week 15, Green Bay, they are fighting for the #1 seed in the NFC, Week 16 Cincinnati, IN CINCINNATI! With a potential division title and playoff spot at stake, and that’s not including the Rams and Steelers at home to end the season. To be honest if they don’t change up their offense and use Lamar more in the running game, Roman is going to end up like Cam Cameron was in 2012. That’s also considering the fact that the Roman Empire is probably going to be the Head Coach of the Chicago Bears. It’s too early to rip the coaching and conditioning staff, but if they don’t get their act together in this final push. It will cost them their reputation in the future. Pittsburgh you earned this win, you put Harbaugh right back in his place from 2008-2010. Hopefully this loss will make the team stronger even with all of the injuries that they have. That’s all I can hope for as the final games await us on Charm City Beasts. (Lamar walks out of postgame press conference, it’s Giannis in Toronto after Game 6 all over again) Marylander: COME ON CAN THESE GUYS NOT FORCE ME TO RAGE LIKE THIS EVERY WEEK!
Episode 13: at Browns (NO MORE INJURIES!)
(From Weekly Recaps for Week 14): After what happened last week the Ravens need to win this game to basically put the AFC North on lockdown. They may be battered but they are playing a Browns team stuck in quicksand. You may be shocked that this isn’t its own document, it’s because I needed a break from doing this. As for this game, it was very ugly early in the game. The Browns jumped out to a 24-3 lead. Even worse, CRACK! Lamar Jackson is out for the rest of the game thanks to what was considered by the Salty Marylander an intentional hit to the leg by JOK. (I would play Titanic Music if he was out for the year) In his place comes Tyler “Snoop” Huntley, a man who is ever similar to the talents of Planet LJ. Even if he fumbled twice in which one of them was returned for a touchdown, Huntley played pretty well for the time that he was out there. Rashod Bateman looks good, very good. He may have had his coming out party with this game. Baltimore gets back into the game as Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh decides to go for 2 and be down by 9, instead of kicking the PAT and being down by 8. (“Live by analytics, die by analytics.” -Cynthia Frelund) It may be too late even if the Ravens scored another touchdown to close the gap to 2. It’s going to take a miracle for them to pull off the win. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Are you kidding me, they not only got the onside kick, the Ravens now have a chance to rip Cleveland’s souls again. Even with that the Browns still found a way not to blow it. Marylander: What do you mean Baltimore didn’t win the game, what is this strip sack by Clowney nonsense! Narrator: Don’t worry my friend at least you guys control your own destiny even with that brutal schedule coming up. You can manage right? Sidenote: There is an incident in this game that I want to be very clear on. Early in the 2nd Quarter, Lamar Jackson suffered an ankle sprain that could damage himself plus the hopes of his team. I’m not bitter at that, this is the NFL and that always happens. It’s what the fans in the Dawg Pound did. According to ESPN Ravens Reporter Jamison Hensley, Browns fans were cheering and mocking LJ as he was getting carted off the field. Anytime you cheer or make comments about a player getting injured it is certainly not the right thing to do. (Example: Iowa Hawkeyes fans when they faced Penn State and Sean Clifford and PJ Mustipher) This an act that the NFL hasn’t seen since Michael Irvin suffered a career ending injury at Veterans Stadium in 1999. If I hated the Browns already, I hate them EVEN MORE! That fanbase wants Bisciotti, Ozzie Newsome, Harbaugh, and any star player on the Ravens banished into Lake Erie. And it shows right here. Can someone prevent the Browns from winning the AFC North? COUGH! COVID, oh boy.
Episode 14: vs Packers (ANALYTICS! Analytics!)
Analytics, they are a great tool of thinking for a first class organization. In today’s world it is the cutting edge to why so many teams are successful. However there are risks, they can not only be successful but they can backfire immediately. Sometimes you have to know when to use them. Plus there can be plenty of momentum depending on those decisions. For the Ravens that has been their calling card since Eric DeCosta became the GM in 2019. But ever since then this team has lived and died by those decisions.
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, DeVonta Freeman, Tyler Huntley, Mark Andrews, Brandon Williams, Odafe Oweh, Chuck Clark, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, with Greg Roman and Don Martindale. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander.
Season 2 Episode 14: John Harbaugh’s School of Analytics
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Things are looking shaky here in Baltimore. After an 8-3 start, nervousness has crept up inside the Under Armour Performance Center. A loss against the Steelers in heartbreaking fashion thanks to a failed 2 point play at the end of regulation on the heels of a missed chip shot field goal. Against the Browns Planet LJ and Calais Campbell were sacrificed to the Almighty Football Gods, and in the end they couldn’t rally without those 2 despite nearly coming back from a 21 point hole. With the meat of their schedule coming up and perhaps their starting QB being out long term there are reasons to doubt the ambitions of this squad. Coach Harbaugh has said that we will play our hearts out and if it comes down to analytical moves it’s fine with me. Considering that his team just set the NFL Record for injuries in a season it won’t stop him from giving optimism to his team and fans. With Jackson out for this week’s contest they must rely on Snoop Huntley to maintain their lead in the AFC North. Tyler said that he was up for the challenge, and said that maybe Lamar can learn a thing or 2 from this. The Roman Empire agreed. Despite how much criticism he has received from the National Media, Roman has made it clear that they will do their best to try and change the fortunes of this offense. This is a unit that has given up more sacks, penalties, and turnovers than anyone in the AFC. Luckily for Ravens fans, the Offensive Line that has been hampered by injuries is getting slightly healthier. The unit’s top draft pick from this year Ben Cleveland has returned from an ankle injury that had sidelined him since Week 5. Good to see.
This matchup is very pivotal to the Boys in Purple, not only is the division lead on the line they get to face perhaps the best team in the NFL, the Green Bay Packers. A team that has ridden the #1 offense in the NFL and reigning league MVP Aaron Rodgers to 10 wins in their last 12 games. Many pundits are saying that this is going to be an absolute slaughter in favor of the Green and Gold. Baltimore is not only short handed because of injuries but because they have COVID cases to Jimmy Smith, Sammy Watkins, and Chuck Clark. Thus resulting in bringing in practice squad players and scrubs including the return of Tony Jefferson. Not to mention Tavon Young was in concussion protocol, so now they are down to their 4th string secondary against “Bad Man Rodgers.” Early in this game it would be a fight for survival. The Ravens were able to torch the Packers secondary for much of the drive. That is until they got down to the goal line. They got held for 3 straight plays then Roman and Lamar Jackson (Yes LJ was calling some of the plays since he had a headset on) decided that you can’t kick field goals against the Green Bay Offense and decided to go for it. It may have backfired but the Packers went 3 and out, thus improving field position. Fortunately for the Marylanders, Green Bay was down former Raven ZaDarius Smith, Jaire Alexander, and Kenny Clark, making things easier for Snoop to torch them. He did. For the 1st time since Week 6 Baltimore scored a TD in the 1st Quarter. So far so good, but the Packers are known to answer quickly. They did just that. The Rodgers Rate went right to work against the practice squad secondary and before you know it the game was tied at 7. Shortly after, Huntley and Goldmine Andrews continued to shred the injured Green Bay defense and answered back with a touchdown of their own. But here is the problem. Rodgers is having one of his typical big games. Even with Aaron Jones struggling to create space on the ground, and Davante Adams taking a while to get involved it doesn’t matter. The Ravens injury riddled defense is being picked apart by Discount DAABLE CHECK!
With the game tied at halftime there was a sense that no matter how banged up his team was, Harbaugh was going to fight till the end. This feeling is short lived as Green Bay marches down the field again. Not to mention REFBALL made an appearance in the sense that they called PI against Anthony Averett, when he clearly didn’t grab Allen Lazard’s jersey. Marylanders, you know how this drive ends? Touchdown Packies. (The missed an Offensive PI call on Adams too) However this game isn’t going to be a blowout just yet. Huntley along with a gutsy performance by the Offensive Line get into scoring range. Even if they failed a 3rd and Short they at least can convert a 4th and 1 right. BEEP! “False Start, Offense #66.” Marylander: BEN CLEVELAND WASN’T EVEN SET ON THE LINE YET! Narrator: Settle buddy, save that for later in the game. Marylander: Ok. Narrator: The Ravens at least got 3 points out of it as they now trail the Pack by just 4 points. Why isn’t this good, because YOU GUESSED IT Green Bay scored another touchdown. In fact Rodgers just tied Brett Favre for the most TD passes in Packers history. Plus they got a field goal following a failed 4th Down attempt on Baltimore’s next drive. Ugh, this is going to be a blowout isn’t it.
BOOM! Well Lamar may not be playing but who cares this team is built to play from behind. Anyone that has followed the Ravens this year knows that they are experts at the 4th Quarter Comeback. They would flash their talents in a hurry and wouldn’t you know it, Snoop scrambles in for momentum turning touchdown. Thank the Packers D having only 10 men on the field. The defense quickly shut down the Packers on the next possession but that was mostly due to a holding call on the O-Line. Plus Baltimore got a bonus since they began their next drive past midfield. All they need to do is score a touchdown and tie this game. Marquise Brown has been hurt all game and Mark Andrews can only do so much but the Ravens are still finding ways to pick the Pack apart. Lamar would enjoy this performance. (Huntley is doing what LJ has done all year on this day) And with under a minute left. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! The Packers defense forgot to put a spy out there as Snoop runs it in for 6 points. All I can is it looks like we might be going to overtime. Just don’t repeat the Pittsburgh game from 2 weeks ago. WAIT WHY ARE YOU GOING FOR 2 AGAIN!? Yes Aaron Rodgers is on the other side, you have 7 starters inactive on defense, and they are going to have plenty of time to kick a game winning field goal, but this again. Let me guess he is playing NFL Blackjack and wants to beat the dealer by rolling a 21. Where does the wheel land on this try? “Huntley, pass is BROKEN UP!” DRAMATIC MUSIC! Marylander: Goodness gracious great balls of fire JUST TAKE THE DAMN POINTS YOU ANALYTICAL NERDS! My Kingdom for a coach that can hold onto momentum longer than a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich! STOP THIS ALREADY! Narrator: Yes I hear you but they had no choice but to go for it, I’ll explain it in a little bit. As for Green Bay they get an early Christmas Present, Clinching the NFC North.
Packers QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): Ever since that Saints beatdown that they took in Week 1, they have been the powerhouse that everyone expected them to be once again. Yes Aaron Rodgers may be a drama king but he knows how to back it up. Hopefully their momentum carries them far in the playoffs. PAUSE.
Narrator: I know all the Salty Marylanders are screaming at the top of their lungs to fire Harbaugh and the entire coaching staff after the last 3 games but honestly they shouldn’t even be criticized. This is a team that should be competing in the Tank Bowl with the amount of injuries and COVID cases that they have. Yes the 2 point conversion calls have been questionable, I get all of that. But looking at the circumstances of those decisions, they have no choice but to try these. In this game and against the Steelers they faced both the Rodgers Rate and Big Ben, 2 of the Top 5 QBs in league history when it comes to leading 4th Quarter Comebacks. And if they played for OT the Ravens would have likely lost both games because they have no secondary. In years past and if the defense was healthy they wouldn’t have done this. Harbaugh would have trusted his defense in OT and Justin Tucker. Not to mention in the Pittsburgh game, Tucker missed a 35 yarder right before that. The reason they keep going for 2 is because they don’t have the talent and personnel to bail them out unlike previous years because of injuries despite having one of the best defensive minds in the game in Don Martindale. Plus this team has been living by Lady Luck and High End Talent all season because of how battered they are and it’s finally coming back to bite them. Those things aren’t sustainable Johnny, just ask Brian Billick and how they lost 9 in a row to end the 2007 season which led to Bisciotti not renewing his contract and letting him walk into retirement. I didn’t even get to the worst part of all of this, the Ravens no longer control their own destiny. Cincinnati is in 1st place and Cleveland may have lost to Vegas but they own the tiebreaker and are a game back too. Marylander: Just stop this, THE NEW FRONTIER OF THE AFC NORTH IS NOT COMING! I DON’T WANT WANNA HEAR THIS NONSENSE FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS! PAUSE.
Narrator: Regardless of if they won or not I can’t rip them into shreds. It’s because they played their hearts out and gave it 100% for 60 minutes. On paper they should have been blown out of M&T Bank Stadium and into the Inner Harbor right from the word GO. Many people were saying that this would be their worst home loss since Week 16 of 2013 against the Patriots. (That game was miserable as soon as Flacco went out) Instead they hung tough. They took perhaps the best team in the NFL to the limit with a practice squad D and Backup QB and Run Game. This kind of loss would destroy a team because it usually divides the locker room, but not here. This will only make the Ravens stronger and better. To me there is one phrase that describes the determination of this team. “HERE WE ARE! DON’T TURN AWAY! NOW! WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT! THIS!! TOWN!!!” That’s right, League of Legends. Until the season officially ends, this squad will go down swinging. Even if they have one of the hardest final 3 games in the league they are going to try and win 2 of the 3. Next week they are in Cincinnati, they barely escaped the Broncos this week and Ravens players and coaches want payback for when Bengals fans climbed into the Verizon Broadcast Booth at M&T. If they win with Pittsburgh and Cleveland most likely losing to the Packers and Chiefs, Baltimore should have a clear path to the AFC North Title. It won’t be easy, with or without Lamar they have a shot at Festivus. This game is only the beginning. They will not fold over, they will not quit, and at the end of the day, the Ravens will hopefully emerge from being considered as one of the great collapses in league history to being an inspiring story. Find out how this chapter will unfold next week on CHARM CITY BEASTS! Marylander: THE RAVENS WILL WIN THE DIVISION!
Episode 15: at Bengals (¡HAY CORONA!)
(From Weekly Recaps for Week 16): Honestly I’m not in the mood for separating this game into its own doc. It was like watching the 2013 Season Opener against the Broncos again. (“That game would never have happened if it weren’t for that meddling Peter Angelos!” -Marylander) Total destruction of a Ravens secondary with no hope and basically playing guys off the streets. Joe Burrow had perhaps the most dominant passing game in league history, and he made it look easy. (He would have broken Norm Van Brocklin’s record had the Tee Higgins TD at the end of the game counted) I wouldn’t say this game said a lot about Cincinnati but more about how battered Baltimore truly is. Once Tyler Huntley tested positive for COVID on Christmas Day the wheels fell off and Josh Johnson failed to accomplish what Snoop did the week before. You know what is ridiculous? The Ravens had 33 players on their original 53 man roster on IR or the COVID list this past week. That is the NFL Record by the way. The fact they could still make the playoffs with wins in their final 2 games is insane. If it weren’t for Lamar, Harbaugh, and Tucker they would have a Top 3 pick in the draft. As for the Bengals they get the Chiefs next week. I kinda want them to win so the Battle of the New Frontier doesn’t happen in Week 18. One more thing, normally I wouldn’t preview a clip from a future Charm City Beasts episode before it’s released, but I’m going to do it here. Enjoy! (Next week on Charm City Beasts) “But there is some late breaking news coming out of B-More at this minute. (Streets by Doja Cat playing) Why do I hear Doja Cat playing in the background? Um, guys, what’s going on? I can’t tell why the editors are doing this right now. Someone explain. BOOM! (Lamar Jackson scheduled to return to practice before Sunday’s game vs Rams) There it is! Planet LJ is coming back baby! The Conquer of the AFC North has finally returned to triumphantly lead the Ravens back to the playoffs! (It’s fitting that she is one of Lamar’s favorite recording artists right now) Yes many people are pointing to him as the savior of the team, but Jackson is relying on the others to play a major role. Marylander: That’s a lie and you know it. LAMAR’S GOING TO SAVE THE TEAM AGAIN!” (I am going to the game against the Rams next week, if they lose it’s the 2nd time in 3 years that I will see the Ravens get eliminated in person. The other time? DERRICK BLEEPING HENRY!)
Episode 16: vs Rams (Optimism, DEAD!)
Nativity Storyteller: “The 2nd Day of January, in the 2022nd year since the creation of the Lord. The 17th Week of the 102nd year of the NFL. The 16th game of the 26th season of the Ravens. The 8th home game this year at M&T Bank Stadium. The 692nd game in franchise history. The 197th game in the Bank’s existence. The 242nd game in the era of Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. The 8th meeting all-time between the Ravens and the Rams. On this day, a new wave of hope has surrounded Charm City. Even with playoff hopes, on the line, there has to be a savior. 4 straight losses have taken its toll but there is. LAMAR JACKSON HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD, BLESSED WITH HIS DUAL THREAT ABILITIES, AND HAS RETURNED TO SAVE THE MARYLAND FESTIVUS! The whole football world is now in the hands of the former MVP. He might not be 100% or not on the field this week, and even if they have to play Huntley instead, there is optimism in the air. The New Frontier of the AFC North, shall be put on hold. This is the story of the Cinderella Ravens ACCORDING TO THE FLESH! (BIG TRUSS!)”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, DeVonta Freeman, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, Jimmy Smith, Odafe Oweh, Justin Tucker, with John Harbaugh, and Steve Saunders. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander on air and live, and the Nativity Christmas Story Teller.
Season 2 Episode 16: PAIN
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: It has been a rough month for Ravens fans. For the 1st time since 2015 they have gone winless in the month of December. That statement is the apocalypse in the Raven Dictionary. However John Harbaugh still has optimism. He has told his team that they are fighters, and they will not give up until they are out of time. Even after giving up a franchise record 525 yards passing against Joe Burrow, Don Martindale still hasn’t lost confidence in how the season will end. He did admit that he should be careful about what he says. Poking the hornet’s nest last week was a terrible idea. And now with an equally strong opponent he should know when to criticise or not criticise the opposing QB. Another big question on defense was the amount of starters that are now on IR. The answer would be 8. They are now down to their 7th and 8th string corners excluding the return of Jimmy Smith from the COVID list. Last week they had 33 players of their original 53 man roster on IR or the COVID list. AN NFL RECORD! Which leads us to Strength and Conditioning Coach Steve Saunders. The amount of criticism from the Salty Marylanders that he has faced is legendary. Harbaugh’s response towards his future with the team is that “we’ll definitely look at this situation, if they need to go, they need to go.” I don’t blame him, he just wants the season to play out before making any decisions. And yes bandwagon fans he will be staying for the long term future because Baltimore never fires coaches. (It’s the same rule with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Crazy I know.)
The biggest dilemma that Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh has to face this week is not the players plans for New Years Eve, but the QB situation. (All of the social media influencers probably had a TikTok Contest like last year I’m guessing.) Tyler Huntley tested positive on Christmas Morning thus preventing him from playing in Cincinnati. (He isn’t vaccinated either, thus ruling him out for the Rams game too) In his place, journeyman Josh Johnson did a decent job, but he had little to no help from his O-Line. (This is what happens when you are down 2 Pro Bowl Caliber Tackles) Many are saying with Johnson as the starter the Ravens have no chance. Even with 3 1st Round Receivers and an All Pro TE it’s a very bold take. But there is some late breaking news coming out of B-More at this minute. (Streets by Doja Cat playing) Why do I hear Doja Cat playing in the background? Um, guys, what’s going on? I can’t tell why the editors are doing this right now. Someone explain. BOOM! (Lamar Jackson scheduled to return to practice before Sunday’s game vs Rams) There it is! Planet LJ is coming back baby! The Conqueror of the AFC North has finally returned to triumphantly lead the Ravens back to the playoffs! (It’s fitting that she is one of Lamar’s favorite recording artists right now) Yes many people are pointing to him as the savior of the team, but Jackson is relying on others to play a major role. Marylander: That’s a lie and you know it. LAMAR’S GOING TO SAVE THE TEAM AGAIN! Narrator: I like the optimism right there.
This is a desperate move. Rushing back Jackson on a bad ankle is a questionable move but they really don’t have a choice. Who else is going to give them a chance at a berth in the postseason. Normally a team with an injured QB would wait until he is 100% and not to rush him back. Not the Ravens. They are doing the same thing the 2017 Packers did when they rushed back Aaron Rodgers in Week 15 that year when they had a chance to make it to the playoffs. In that game they lost to the Panthers in Carolina and Rodgers threw 3 interceptions. After that game the Packers decided to leave him on IR for the rest of the year. The same rule applies here. Not only are the Ravens rushing back their former MVP, they are taking on what is considered to be a juggernaut in the LA Rams. The last time these 2 teams met it was the Monday Night Massacre Part 2. That game the Ravens crushed the Rams at the LA Coliseum 45-6. Lamar threw for 5 TDs and the D held Jared Goff out of the endzone. This matchup is different from the last one. The Rams now have Matt Stafford, Von Miller, Odell Beckham, and Cooper Kupp is a leading MVP candidate. Plus they are fighting for the #1 seed in the NFC too. Pokemon McVay is on a mission, he wants to do what the Buccaneers did last year. Win the Super Bowl in their own stadium. Just like for the Browns game in Week 12, we have sent the Marylander to M&T Bank Stadium. And just like the last game he is fired up. (And he is reciting Warriors by League of Legends once again during the intros.) The thing I don’t understand about this game is that they originally had this game as a 4:25 game yet flexed it to 1:00. If this game were flexed out for a game like Chiefs vs Bengals I would be ok with it. But they flexed us out for the Saints and Panthers. THE SAINTS AND PANTHERS! Marylander: THE NFL HATES THE RAVENS AND STEVE BISCIOTTI! THEY WANT THE BROWNS AND BENGALS 1 AND 2 IN THE AFC NORTH! Narrator: Alright, alright we get it. There is something I want to tell you. Marylander: What? Narrator: Lamar is clearly limping and it would be crazy to rush him back. Which means his return may be delayed Marylander: OH COME ON! STOP WITH THIS INJURY NONSENSE FOR LIKE A WEEK! Narrator: It’s not me, it’s the training staff. At least Huntley is back. Marylander: That’s fine with me. SNOOOOOOOOOOOP! Drop it like it’s hot! Narrator: See what I tell you, always look at the positives.
Serious Narrator: I have to be serious because this is a game that will determine the fate of my own team. With Huntley starting again the Ravens would mount a nice opening drive only for it to stall out thanks to DeVonta Freeman getting destroyed by Aaron Donald. (Tristan Colon making his 1st career start against Donald, yeah good luck with that) Even worse is that it took the Ravens out of field goal range thus forcing them to punt. Even after Sam Koch pinned LA deep in their own end the Rams would go right down the field quickly. Led by Tyler Higbee making 2 spectacular catches, Matt Stafford got off to a good start. But that drive was quickly short lived thanks to Matt Gay missing a 56 yard kick. (Making a 55+ yard field goal at M&T is never easy) This should lead to points on the other end, right. Well the Ravens offensive line got beat up yet again by Donald and the rest of the Rams Front 7. A 3 and out is the result. However the optimism from all the Marylanders would eventually become sky high. That’s because Stafford threw his 4th Pick 6 of the season as Chuck Clark read him like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. (You can’t take Detroit out of a player regardless of where they go) What happened on the next possession? Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Except this pick by Clark wasn’t returned for 6 points. Although the Ravens should have gotten better field position because of a late play punch by Odell Beckham. Marylander: REALLY BILL VINOVICH! YOU’RE NOT GONNA CALL THAT! That’s clearly a 15 yard penalty. Serious Narrator: Settle down buddy. The Ravens even with horrible field position were able to attack the Rams defense shortly after. Small gains on both the ground and the air helped them get down the field. Even better news, the analytical Greg Roman went for it on 4th Down and it succeeded thanks to Huntley running for a good chunk over the left side. However it would be 10-0 instead of 14-0 because LA made a good stand inside the 5. (Thank Aaron Donald pressuring Snoop and roasting Colon for that honor) All is well in Charm City, as the boys in Purple are shutting down the Rams offensive juggernaut. All they need to do is play it safe at the half as Marylander: WHY DID HUNTLEY JUST THROW IT RIGHT TO THE DB WHEN NO RECEIVER WAS OUT THERE!? IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU DON’T DO ITS GIVE LA A GOLDEN SHOT AT GETTING BACK IN IT! Serious Narrator: I agree, because the Rams took advantage of this and scored a touchdown to get back in it. Then the Ravens stormed down the field for a field goal before halftime. Now there once again is hope in Baltimore.
The Ravens have a chance to regain control of their destiny. They are playing as a team with a competitive fire all day long. That thinking reached another level as they forced a fumble to start the 2nd Half. You might think this would be the dagger, eh. Well Huntley made the mistake of testing Jalen Ramsey. Fortunately it wasn’t picked off, and the Ravens extended their lead to 9. Even as the defense forced LA to punt again, the optimism would be short lived. Because there was another elite defender that the Ravens had to deal with. Von Miller, turns out that he is on a warpath over the last few weeks, and in this game it was on full display. Once he sacked Huntley, any chance of Baltimore putting the game away would be put on hold. Once the Rams got the ball back Pokemon McVay unleashed his top weapon. Cooper Kupp! After being contained for much of the game he finally broke off a huge catch to set up a momentum-turning touchdown by Sony Michel. But the Ravens as expected would charge right back. All they needed was one drive to save their playoff hopes. Starting with a big run by DeVonta Freeman it looked as if it would happen. They marched down the field, chewing up precious clock, and were primed for the knockout. But then one player would prevent the Ravens from putting the game away. AARON DONALD! Marylander: UGH! Serious Narrator: Do you now understand why playing a center in his 1st career start against the best DT in the NFL is a terrible idea. Because it backfires at the worst times. I know people are going to blame the delay of game penalty for why the Ravens didn’t score a TD, but in my opinion they weren’t scoring even if that penalty didn’t happen. Why? Colon had been getting destroyed by #99 all day long. Luckily for the Ravens they at least kicked a field goal and led by 5. This should be enough to win, right? BOOM! Marylander: Not this again! Serious Narrator: Just when you think the Ravens have the game winning fumble recovery the officials called the play down by contact. (That was easily the correct call, Higbee was clearly down) Next thing you know, the Rams are already deep in Ravens territory. Even after a nice redzone stop the game has come down to one play. Do it Ravens, make the Marylanders go bonkers again! “On 4th Down, Stafford slings, holds on!” AGONY THY NAME IS ODELL BECKHAM! (“Where was this in Cleveland” -All Browns fans) Not only did he make that catch he scored the go ahead TD. Luckily the Rams failed the 2 point conversion and all the Ravens need is a field goal to save their season. We all know what’s going to happen. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Wouldn’t you know Baltimore is one completion from getting into field goal range for Justin Tucker. Snoop, please pull off the improbable! “Rush coming from the Rams, pressure on Huntley down he goes!” DRAMATIC MUSIC! A Moth to a Flame! All optimism in this city is gone in an instant. A great battle ending in gut wrenching fashion. Baltimore lost in one of the more heartbreaking ways possible, getting beaten at their own game. The Rams maintain control of the NFC West with a showdown against the 49ers next week on the horizon. As for the Ravens total PAIN! PAUSE
Narrator: (Looney Tunes humiliation music playing) Do you understand why the Ravens had no choice but to go for 2 in the games against the Steelers and Packers. It’s because they don’t have the High End Talent or personnel on defense to bail them out unlike in years past. The way LA marched down the field at the end of the game on their last 2 drives is exactly why. Anytime you are going against elite QBs and receivers without a majority of your starters on defense you are in for a long day if you can’t match them. I know people are saying that they can’t close out a game, but that’s a lie. They were winning all of the close games early in the season excluding the Monday Night game in Vegas. They were experts at the short yardage plays in each of those comebacks. To me this is karma from the Football Gods. The way they were winning those games would eventually come back to bite them. And it did! Even worse, their playoff dreams are basically dead. I would sentence them to the elimination room but there is still a slim chance that they would make the playoffs. It requires a few things. They play the Steelers at home next week, they are fighting for their playoff lives as well and this could very well be Ben Roethlisberger’s last game. That’s the 1st step. The 2nd, they need the Colts to lose to the Jaguars. Jacksonville has beaten Buffalo already and the Colts haven’t won in Jacksonville since 2015. But Indy is most likely not laying an egg for the 2nd week in a row after a loss to the Raiders. 3rd, they need the Dolphins to lose at home to the Patriots. New England has been snake bitten in that city despite having a chance to win the AFC East. 4th, they need the Browns to lose at home to the Bengals. Cincinnati has already clinched the AFC North but are fighting for the #1 seed and are most likely playing their starters against Cleveland. And 5th, They need the Raiders to beat the Chargers on Sunday Night, in a winner take all game for the 6th or 7th seed depending on placement.
To be honest, why would I even want the Ravens in the playoffs at this point? And for what, to get their butts kicked by Kansas City at Arrowhead in Round 1 without Lamar Jackson. Let me be very clear about one thing. This Ravens team because of injuries shouldn’t be anywhere near a playoff spot. They have been saved by 3 men this season from being perhaps the worst team in the AFC. Lamar Jackson, John Harbaugh, and Justin Tucker. If those 3 aren’t here, they are likely 3-13 at this moment and are getting a top 3 pick. This team despite the 5 game losing streak has shown a lot of heart in themselves. On paper they should be getting blown out by an average of 24 points per game. No secondary, QB, RB’s, O-Lineman, and a depleted Front 7 should result in being one of the laughing stocks of the league. Not here. Although many people are considering this as one of the greatest collapses in NFL History. The only thing that would have made this season even more painful for Baltimore fans was if the Ravens were playing their final game at M&T Bank Stadium next weekend. Thank god that’s not happening for another 15 years. This is the first time in a while in which I just want the season to end. I would just tank the final week but that’s how this organization works. One more thing, you know what would have eased the sting of this loss. NOT LOSING TO THE RAIDERS IN OVERTIME! Or fumbling the ball at the 1 yard line to basically lose the games against the Dolphins and Browns, or having everyone healthy. That’s all I have left. Thank goodness I won’t have to describe this season by players and coaches until next week. Just let Huntley finish the season, ok.
Episode 17: vs Steelers (The Luck has finally run out)
“Oh mama I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law. LawMan has put an end to my run and I’m so far from my home. Oh mama I can hear you crying, you’re so scared and all alone. HangMan is coming down from the galos and I don’t have very long. YEAH!” It pains me to play Renegade but I have no choice. It’s Steelers week regardless if there are playoffs or not. Also this could be the final hurrah for an AFC North legend. Anyways let’s get to the show.
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Tyler Huntley, Mark Andrews, Marquise Brown, Calais Campbell, Marcus Peters, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Don Martindale, Greg Roman, Eric DeCosta with Steve Saunders, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest Appearances by the Angry Marylander.
Season 2 Episode 17: A Harsh Reality Sets In
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Can this season end already so I can get all of this nonsense that has happened over the last few weeks. (Sidevoice: NO THERE NEEDS TO BE ONE FINAL BLOW!) Oh great! After a heartbreaking loss to the Rams where the Boys in Purple squandered golden chances at the goal line to put the game away their playoff fate is mostly gone. Just like in most of the games over the last month, the Roman Empire has taken the blame for their inability to score in those short yardage situations. His response to those takes has been “we are trying to keep others guessing but sometimes you either execute those plays or you don’t. And if you don’t there will be questions all over the place.” It also didn’t help that the Ravens had to play a Center in his 1st career start against Aaron Donald, plus Patrick Mekari once again proved why he cannot produce in big games against stronger pass rushers. Even worse for Roman and his offense, the medical staff has officially shut down both Planet LJ and Project Pat for the season. Without 2 of their more valuable offensive players, the Ravens will have a steep climb just to make it another week. John Harbaugh knows that with this being the last game of the season against a potential playoff team, his team is going to give it everything they have even with more injuries taking their toll. The next 3 men that were shut were Odafe Oweh, Tavon Young, and Anthony Averett. YIKES. This already adds to their NFL Record for players on IR or the COVID list this season. Speaking of the COVID list, that’s where Gerry Sandusky was last week. This was the 1st time in his 16 year tenure as Play by Play man for the Ravens that he ever missed a game. That’s brutal as well. At least Bruce Cunningham and Scott Garceau got to cover one more game in his absence.
A lot of things need to happen in order for the Ravens to make the playoffs. They need the Jaguars to beat the Colts in Jacksonville, they need the Patriots to beat the Dolphins in Miami, they need the Chargers to lose to the Raiders in Las Vegas on Sunday Night, plus they need to win their own game. However it won’t be easy. The Ravens opponent just happens to be their arch rivals in the Pittsburgh Steelers. They are also fighting for their playoff lives and all they need to do is win and hope for a Colts loss to get in the playoffs. More importantly this will most likely be the final regular season game in the career of Ben Roethlisberger. (And it’s against the same team that started his career because Tommy Maddox was knocked out by Adalius Thomas in Week 2 of 2004) After a fairytale ending last Monday Night against the Browns at Heinz Field, you know they are going to want to build on that. Luckily for Ravens fans, his arch nemesis Terrell Suggs was asked to be the honorary Legend of the Game. And he came out with a gladiator mask. You’d think the crowd would be pumped up after that scene. Except they weren’t. Why, thanks to the Ravens basically being eliminated, half of M&T Bank Stadium was swarmed by either empty seats or Yinzers. The start of this game would match the weather conditions at this game and the emotions of Marylanders. Cold, wet, and uninspiring. Thanks to an unusual bad snap by Bradley Bozeman and Snoop getting stripped by TJ Watt, the Steelers were set up with excellent field position, but could only get 3 points out of it. The next drive was even more pitiful, Huntley continued his awful start by throwing an interception. Thank Mark Andrews for playing the ball badly for that mistake. (Also an excellent catch by Terrell Edmonds) Luckily for Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh the Leader of Men would give it right back to the offense thanks to an interception by Geno Stone. Baltimore’s response was going right after one of the league’s run defenses. (Which is unusual in the Steelers Dictionary) However the drive stalled after a nice 3rd Down stand by Pittsburgh. I wonder what they do on 4th Down. Marylander: IT’S A FAKE! (BUZZER!) UGGGGGGGGGGG!!! (That’s the 1st time Sam Koch has thrown an incomplete pass in his 16 year career) Narrator: Settle down, the Steelers are stuck in quicksand too. Marylander: That’s fine with me. Narrator: Anyways, with Big Ben being limited for now, and the Ravens offense looking to snap out of their recent funk, the game remained 3-0. That is until Baltimore mounted a drive at the end of the 1st Half. It appeared as if the Ravens were going to take the lead before the half. Then another offensive line breakdown ended it all. One which led to TJ Watt tying the NFL Record for sacks in a season. (The Marylanders will blame Hollywood dropping a TD shortly after that, but on a normal day he catches that) Fortunately the game is tied at 3 going into halftime and the Ravens are getting the ball again too.
With Jacksonville beating up Carson Wentz and the Colts, false hope was consuming both fanbases at the start of the 2nd Half. That thinking for Ravens fans was taken to another level as Latavius Murray broke off a monster TD run. Now down by 7 the Steelers offense would finally wake up. Led by short and quick passes, they got deep into Raven territory. But the drive stalled when Najee Harris got stuffed on a 3rd and 1. At least they got a field goal out of it. After both teams traded punts, Huntley and Murray would continue to jam the ball down the Yinzers’ throats. Looks like we may have a different outcome than last week. All the Ravens need to do is punch it in for a touchdown and the win and a possible playoff berth is all but theirs. “Huntley to throw, fires, (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) INTERCEPTED!” Marylander: OH MY GOODNESS PLEASE STOP WITH ALL OF THIS!!! An easy touchdown taken away by an spectacular INT by Pittsburgh. (Pennsylvania Polka playing) Narrator: Wouldn’t you know it the Leader of Men woke up and my gosh did he ever. He was suddenly back in his prime and the Ravens practice squad secondary had no answers for him. The Steelers chewed up about 6 minutes of clock and converted key 3rd Down after key 3rd Down. And all of a sudden they are in the lead. Don’t tell me this is how the Ravens season is going to end, please let there be false hope. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Ask and it shall be done! Snoop and Mark Andrews got Baltimore into field goal range in a hurry. However, another clutch stop by Pittsburgh prevented the Ravens from going further. (Patrick Mekari getting run over again, just stop this please) There will be no need to worry about Justin Tucker this time despite his missed chip shot in their last meeting with the Steelers as he tied the game at 13 with 1:13 left. The defense did their job and stopped Pat Freiermuth from extending the ensuing drive. Thus the game is going into overtime! With the Jaguars beating the Colts just minutes earlier, false hope on both sides is up for grabs. The Ravens won the coin toss and the ball. In just 2 plays they reached midfield. All I can do is hope they better not stall out. (YoYo Sound) Well Huntley threw another bad pass that Andrews could have easily caught. Now they are going to have to rely on the defense to save them. Against the Leader of Men it won’t be easy. Um, how many 3rd Downs are the Steelers going to convert? I swear this is just like almost every game that we have lost to at the hands of Big Ben. Ok, they stopped them on 3rd and 8, it looks like Huntley will get another chance to win it. WAIT THEY ARE GOING FOR IT!? I thought Mike Tomlin was conservative and trusted his defense. Well the season and perhaps his legacy is on the line so why not? Ravens, please STOP THEM! Let the false hope reign supreme in this city! “(Titanic Music playing) Shotgun, Roethlisberger, throws, catch, 1ST DOWN! Ray-Ray McCloud.” Marylander: No. No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Now all they can do is kick a field goal and end the dreams of Ravens fans. “Sweeps the leg, and that is a winner for Pittsburgh!” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! (The ending to maybe the most agonizing season in Raven History. I never thought this day would come) PAUSE.
Narrator: The season is over. You hear that, that’s the sound of a major collapse evolving as we speak. One that in my opinion rivals the 2021 Penn State Nittany Lions. (That’s why I held off the Pride of PSU Football, because it was too painful to write about) If you look at both collapses they are literally identical. Massive expectations, a white hot start, and then unraveling at the worst moments. Plus injuries occured and they weren’t able to close games out in short yardage situations at the end of the year. Plus I’m a fan of both of those teams so it’s doubly painful. For this one I knew the Ravens were banged up and had flaws but never in my wildest dreams did I think they would miss the playoffs. Honestly that’s what happens when you coast on High End Talent and Lady Luck all year. And even worse, for the 1st time in the Harbaugh Era the Ravens finished last in the AFC North. Marylander: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (The New Frontier of the division has technically arrived but it will only be for 1 year, I HOPE!) Narrator: People are saying that the decisions they made at the end of the year cost them but here is the thing. They were converting those early in the season. They had the best 4th Down and 2 point rate halfway through the season. The Ravens won games like this on the regular despite being criticized. I mean they did discover the ability to play from behind. The Chiefs, Colts and Vikings games, they would have been blown out in those games in years past. But it turns out that those miracle games they won back in September and October came back to bite them. Salty Marylander, it’s time to explain this story. Marylander: I’m on it sir! PAUSE.
Lamar Jackson has to be the most snakebitten player in the NFL today. Everytime the stars appear to align perfectly for the Ravens to win the Super Bowl, the Football Gods troll him at the 11th Hour. Look at how Baltimore got eliminated the last 3 years, in each of those games they lost because things that were out of his control. Planet LJ had 500 yards of total offense against the Titans in 2019, yet they didn’t even score a TD and gave up 200 yards rushing to Derrick Henry because the rest of the team excluding Hollywood Brown didn’t show up. (I’m looking right at you Earl Thomas) Last year Justin Tucker had the worst game of his career against the Bills, and the Offensive Line wasn’t prepared for the windy conditions at BillsMafia. (Patrick Mekari, boy have I had enough of him and this season proves it as well) This year he suffered a horrific ankle injury at the hands of the hated Browns which ended his season. (Plus JOK knocked him out ON PURPOSE because Haslam and that fanbase want the Ravens dead) Before the injury plus his illness in November he was on pace for 6000 yards of total offense, that would have been the NFL Record. He was the league MVP after 9 weeks in terms of how much he meant to this team in terms of his production. Yes I get that he threw 13 INTs but he had to evolve as a passer quickly thanks to a battered O-Line and basically no running game. If he hadn’t gotten hurt this team would still be playing football right. I don’t know how far they would go thanks to the injury bug, but who knows. Next year is pivotal for Lamar. He is most likely playing out his 5th year option without a new contract because the Ravens did this with Joe Flacco 10 years ago. If they have a healthy Jackson and run game, they should be serious contenders. LJ, don’t let the media plus the younger fans of the team think you will be out of here next year. You are still the future of this franchise long term. Prove them wrong again. YOU GOT THIS! PAUSE.
No one has been more criticized on this team than Marquise Brown. Yes he doesn’t have the size or catch radius at times to be a #1 receiver, and has been ripped by major networks the past few years, but here is the truth. Hollywood is the best receiver that the Ravens have ever drafted. (Well him, Mark Clayton, and Torrey Smith, everyone else bums) Look at the other receivers that have come before him. Breshad Perriman, Travis Taylor, Marcus Smith, I could go on and on. The thing is Brown played very well for much of the season. If Lamar never got hurt, he would have gone over 1400 yards receiving. He still got to 1000 yards this year despite being very limited thanks to Huntley targeting mostly Rashod Bateman and Mark Andrews. Next year will be crucial for Marquise, his rookie deal is up and he, like Jackson, will be getting his 5th year option. If those 2 are both at full strength it could be exciting to watch those 2 bearing injuries. PAUSE.
Rashod, I like you as a receiver. I think you have plenty of talent and have a bright future with the team. Yes you barely were targeted in the 1st Half of the season, but this is something every rookie goes through. Anytime a receiver has an injury in training camp that makes them miss some time is hard to overcome. Just ask Hollywood when he was a rookie back in 2019. The difference between those 2 is that Bateman is more skilled and has better hands. I know he fired his agent during the season but that’s something every player goes through. Don’t worry, once the full offense comes back next year you’ll get more space to get open because other teams will focus on the run. Plus you have established yourself as the go to guy on 3rd Down plays. That’s just how life goes in the NFL. PAUSE.
Calais, please don’t retire. The way you played this season proves exactly why. Campbell is one of the emotional leaders on this defense and one of the few bright spots to a unit that was short handed. I know he wants to settle himself back in the Florida Area but I just don’t see him hanging up the cleats without a ring. It will be tough to see him go but honestly I wouldn’t be shocked. Not because he’s old and washed, that hasn’t been the case. It’s probably because he wants to be with his family. Your move Captain MonStar. PAUSE.
Marlon Humphrey and Marcus Peters have more value than anyone on this defense. If those 2 are healthy this is the #1 defense in the NFL. Why? Leadership, Talent, and Energy. Without those 2 players for much of the season they had the worst pass defense in franchise history. Tavon Young returned to 2016 form without being on the injury list very often. Plus Chuck Clark was a ball hawk at the end of the year. Those were the only bright spots this year. Even if they lose DeShon Elliott in FA, Juiceman and All Pro Marlo should be 100% by next season. If those 2 are on the field next year together the defense will improve dramatically. PAUSE.
I was wrong about Justin Tucker, I thought the way his season ended last year would be the beginning of a tough decline. Instead JT defeated the odds again. The 66 yarder in Detroit is obviously the highlight of his season. But once Lamar went down he was the only source of offense that they had. He basically kept them in the games against Cleveland, the LA Rams, and the Steelers. Excluding the 35 yarder that he missed at Heinz Field, Tucker was automatic as usual. I know he’s in his early 30s but he is still the best kicker in football. This year proves it. Where would this team be without him over the last decade? I have no idea. PAUSE.
I think it’s unfair to criticize John Harbaugh this season. Yes the analytical decisions were questionable but here is the thing. The work he did this year was damn good even if they couldn’t finish in the end. Most coaches that lose half of their starters before a game is even played should be tanking the season. Not Harbs. They almost made the playoffs with a practice squad team excluding their receiver core. I know the calls for his head were ongoing at the end of the season but they weren’t going to fire him because this is not who the Ravens are as an organization. The only reasons why he went for 2 in Weeks 13 and 15 was because they were playing Aaron Rodgers and Big Ben and didn’t have the personnel to stop them. It’s annoying but this isn’t the 1st time in Ravens History that fans have been outrageous. We had to deal with Ted Marchibroda being unable to adapt to the modern offense in the mid 1990s, and Brian Billick looking for the perfect QB in his image throughout his entire tenure. Steve Bisciotti is not going to get rid of coaches based on a bad season plagued with injuries. I get that they lost 6 in a row after an 8-3 start but you could’ve put the 2 previous coaches in that spot and they would have done worse. Harbs though is in an interesting situation regarding his long term future here. He’s going to be 60 in September and is in the final year of his massive extension that he signed in 2018. And remember in 2012 this was the exact same situation. Let’s hope he can break through. PAUSE.
Greg Roman, I have no idea how to judge him. Many of the Salty Marylanders including myself have had enough of him. But the situation that he was given this year was totally unfair. Was it his fault that he lost his two 1000 yard rushers, Pro Bowl Tackles, Rookie Guard, and Starting QB? Absolutely not. The thing about Roman that was impressive this year was that he had changed his entire offensive structure in a short amount of time thanks to the injuries. On a regular basis, the Ravens would run the ball 60-70% of the time and he would trust JK Dobbins and Gus Edwards to create space in the open field. This year they ran basically a Run and Shoot offense. 3WRs with Mark Andrews as the 4th WR, and 1 RB by committee) And their passing game improved dramatically. Lamar had 300 yard passing games on a regular basis. They found ways to come back from huge deficits, something they could never do in years past. Although the Miami game did lay his flaws and he never recovered from it. I would give him another year and see how it goes. If he struggles next year with a healthy Planet LJ, run game, and offensive line he will most likely end up like Jim Fassell, Cam Cameron, and Marc Trestman before him. I know you may call me crazy for not wanting him fired but this is all true. PAUSE.
I don’t think Martindale is going to be a head coach in the NFL. From the way he does his press conferences to how he is the product of the players around him is exactly why. He’s going to another Rex Ryan. A defensive minded guy who will be exposed as a head coach. This year proved that thinking. Because of injuries he didn’t have the personnel to run all of those creative schemes that make him perhaps the best defensive coordinator in the league during 2018 and 2019. Yet he still kept running them because he thought that he still had Peters and Humphrey on the field. When your top corner is Anthony Averett there is a problem. I’ll at least give him credit for trying to rally his troops quickly despite what hit them. If he has a healthy unit next year, the Ravens will have another legendary defense. And most likely they are taking Jordan Davis or Kyle Hamilton in the 1st Round so that also helps. Wink you did a good job considering what was against you, keep up the good work. PAUSE.
Chris Horton is nowhere near Jerry Rosberg but he’s on the right track. He has turned Devin Duvernay into an All Pro Return Man. Justin Tucker is still the most accurate kicker in league history, and Sam Koch even at age 39 is still a solid punter. And this was without their former long snapper Morgan Cox. Even if they lose their special teams anchor in Anthony Levine to retirement he should find an excellent replacement to be the ace in that unit. And you know Harbaugh values special teams more than anything. PAUSE.
Eric DeCosta in my opinion has had mixed emotions from many Ravens fans. Some of his decisions have been very good or very bad. I will say anytime you live in the shadows of Ozzie Newsome for over a decade it will take a while to make an impact. I won’t rip him for the Earl Thomas signing. He was the biggest name on the market, and DeCosta made sure the Browns didn’t get their hands on him. There have been a few moves that have been controversial. Drafting Miles Boykin over Deebo Samuel is one of them. Boykin is an excellent blocker for a receiver but they rarely use him. Samuel meanwhile is a swiss army knife for San Francisco. The only other mistake he made was trading Shawn Wade to the Patriots. At the time it made sense, the Ravens cornerback room was loaded, but then the injuries came in. His draft decisions have been good for the most part. Hollywood Brown and Patrick Queen are good players but who knows if they will become superstars overnight. JK Dobbins is a stud when he is healthy, Rashod Bateman and Odafe Oweh each had productive rookie seasons. If EDC has cap space there is a good chance they will pull off a blockbuster deal to make them contenders. That’s all you can hope for right. PAUSE.
I have one request for ESPN Ravens Reporter Jamison Hensley. Please don’t rumor Lamar out of Baltimore. I don’t want to deal with Giannis type rumors again for a majority of the next year. I was nervous for a while that other teams and fans would recruit the Greek Freak to their teams and I don’t want Jackson to follow that trend. The difference between the Giannis situation and the Lamar situation is the experience of the reporters that potentially break these stories. Malika Andrews and Eric Woodyard were each in their 1st year of covering the Bucks when they broke Giannis rumors in the offseasons of 2019 and 2020. Hensley has been covering the Ravens since their years at Memorial Stadium and has been close with many of the executives. (He was with the Baltimore Sun before ESPN) Although forcing Chuck Clark to walk out of a press conference after their Week 18 loss to Pittsburgh was not a good look for him, but that rarely happens in today’s NFL. I don’t think he’s going to criticize Planet LJ’s future. Lamar isn’t focusing on his future but just getting back on the field. Plus even if the ESPN Producers are pushing for that article to come out, it most likely won’t happen. Why? Hensley went through this in 2009 when Ray Lewis and Ed Reed were both traded to the Dallas Cowboys in a blockbuster that included TO and 2 1st Round picks. And he only wrote articles that gave Baltimore fans hope that those 2 would come back, and they did. Both of the Ravens legendary icons on defense came back and eventually won a Super Bowl together. Jamison you’ll be fine regardless of the potential Lamar rumors. That’s the responsibility of being a reporter right? PAUSE.
(Headphone Warning)
SAUNDERS! (I’ve been waiting to do this since the beginning of the season and now I have the chance) This man is the reason why the Baltimore Ravens have turned into the NFL’s newest Glue Factory. Everything Steve has done recently has only resulted in head scratching moments. I know it’s crazy to criticize the conditioning coach for why a team misses the playoffs but here is one of those times. Look at the impact he has had on this team since 2017. He ruined Joe Flacco’s prime and turned him into a Checkdown magnet, he’s responsible as to why no receiver wants to sign with Baltimore in the offseason, he’s why Matthew Judon openly criticized the Ravens conditioning program on Social Media! Judon left the 410 without a contract last spring because he was tired of the Ravens conditioning program and wanted to go to a team that would realize his potential. (Saunders fingerprints were all over that) This year the way he handled the players trying to come back from injury was something that would be seen in a circus act. Ronnie Stanley, Derek Wolfe, and Ja’Wuan James were supposed to come back by Week 1. Those 3 didn’t even play a game this season. (Stanley played one game and was shut down again) That’s not the only mistake. Rashod Bateman was supposed to make his league debut in Week 2, he didn’t come back until Week 6. Nick Boyle was supposed to return in Week 4, he didn’t come back until Week 11. Ben Cleveland and Sammy Watkins got injured in Week 5, Watkins didn’t return until Week 10, and Cleveland was held out until Week 15. Not to mention he did the same thing 2 years ago before the playoffs, Mark Andrews and Mark Ingram were supposed to return to practice during the Ravens playoff Bye after they both got hurt in Week 16. Those 2 didn’t even practice and yet they rushed them back and got little playing time against the Titans in the Divisional Round. (That’s when I knew he was a problem) All of this is not even including the COVID outbreak last year. Yes you can say that most of the cases happened at a November Party at a Baltimore nightclub. WRONG! Those positive tests started long before that night because no one was wearing a mask in the Under Armour Performance Center. (Players, Coaches, Everyone) Don’t worry Steve, you’re most likely getting another year next season because management wants you to change the way they condition and that a majority of the season ending injuries happened at FedEx Field in Week 3 of the Preseason. I hope he adapts but who knows. If he doesn’t he’s going to ruin Lamar in a hurry. I didn’t even get to the worst part of this. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Saunders was on the conditioning staff in San Francisco during the Jim Harbaugh years. That staff ruined Colin Kapernick’s prime, and forced many of their star players to either leave in Free Agency or retire in their primes. And Roman was with him too. Knowing what I just said about that 49ers team it could be the same thing happening in Baltimore if management doesn’t make any changes in the next year. Hopefully Bisciotti has an answer for this. PAUSE.
I would not consider this season as a failure for the Ravens. I know they had Super Bowl Ambitions but they should have been buried right from when the season started. Any team that sets the record for injuries in a season and has the hardest schedule in the NFL shouldn’t be anywhere near the playoffs. But do you not realize what organization this is. The Ravens are warriors who built their identity on overcoming adversity. For the most part they did. They lived by High End Talent, and died by High End Talent. Even if they lost 6 straight including 5 by 8 points each to end the season this shouldn’t be something to be sad about. Why? On paper the Ravens should have lost each of those games by an average of 3 TDs because of how decimated they were on both sides and that they were facing Super Bowl Contenders in a majority of those games. The fact that they nearly made the playoffs with Tyler Huntley at QB sends a message that this team will be a force next season. With a 4th place schedule and 45 Million in Cap Space the 2022 season will have high hopes in the Charm City. Plus next year is the 10th Anniversary of their Super Bowl XLVII Championship. (I can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years since I was in New Orleans for that epic championship victory) There will be many flashbacks of those great moments next season. And let’s hope that the Ravens can live up to those lofty expectations. With Joe Burrow already in Cincinnati, and perhaps Deshawn Watson and Kenny Pickett possibly joining the Browns and Steelers, the AFC North will be tough but if the Boys in Purple are healthy it’s Baltimore’s to lose. Fortunately for you viewers I will be bringing this series back for a 3rd season next year. This may not be the season finale just yet but I wanted to put this out there. And to wrap this season up, here are the words that will symbolize this team and city as the Baltimore Ravens attempt to go for Super Bowl Championship #3 in 2022. “HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT! THIS!! TOWN!!!” (May the Omar Whistle and League of Legends theme reign supreme around B-More. Amen. BIG TRUSS! Go Ravens!)
Elimination Aftermath
Baltimore Ravens (Cinderella has Left the Building): I have no idea how to judge this season for the Ravens. All of the injuries, the defense struggling without Marcus Peters, Lamar Jackson getting struck down, and playing way over their heads this should have been a terrible season. This is when the Ravens discover the art of playing from behind and winning close games. Too bad it cost them in the end when they lost most of their offense to the injury bug. They had both the worst O-Line and defense in franchise history and had the hardest schedule in the NFL yet they almost made the playoffs. You know what the most insane part of all of this is. They are going to trot out Planet LJ next year with the players coming off IR and pretend that this is 2012. However their sideline will be a bit different with Don Martindale stepping down. ( Plus their longtime president Dick Cass retired and was replaced by Sashi Brown) To be fair, the situation he was in was a problem where any coordinator would fail. Unlike previous times in which he has hired some of his buddies from Philadelphia, John Harbaugh has decided to go for a young defensive mind in Mike Macdonald. I loved what he did at Michigan this season, and with a defense that is just as talented on paper as the unit he had this season with the Wolverines who knows how good he can be. (Although it may require going from a 3-4 to a 4-3, Marylander: I don’t care, that’s how they won in 2000) As for Greg Roman and Steve Saunders they both get the Cam Cameron and Jim Fassell treatments. Although if things go wrong next year, both could be gone midseason like those 2 I just mentioned were in 2006 and 2012. The only concern that I have is that the AFC North is only getting tougher. (With the Bengals now in the Super Bowl, plus Watson and Pickett possibly joining the Browns and Steelers, NOT GOOD!) Luckily they have a decent amount of cap space and the most draft capital in the AFC this offseason. Next year is the Super Bowl or bust. BE PREPARED! (If they don’t make it to ARZ, I will never hear the end of this story, only what ifs.)
Episode 18: Mike Macdonald becomes the Defensive Coordinator
Narrator: The following is an exclusive presentation of Bragging Rights Sports.
(Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens) Charm City Beasts Presents: The Inauguration of the 9th Commander of the “BALTIMORE DEFENSE” Under the direction of the Salty Marylander
Marylander: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Inauguration Ceremony for the 9th Commander of the BALTIMORE DEFENSE!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Fellow Ravens fans, we may be witnessing the start of the New Frontier of the AFC North as declared by all of Ohio, BUT WE DON’T CARE ABOUT IT! Because in Baltimore there was never a New Frontier of this division!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Yes the Bengals may be in the Super Bowl, and their defense led by our old secondary coach destroyed Mahomes, and the Chiefs, but I want to get your opinions on this.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE WANT CINCY! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! WE WANT CINCY! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!
Marylander: At least it’s better than all of Cleveland picking them to go to the Super Bowl this summer.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Overrated! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! Overrated! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!
Marylander: Why we are here today is to go over and announce the solution to a transition towards what we call a religion in Birdland, THE BALTIMORE DEFENSE!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: First off I would like to make one thing very clear in particular to Bengals fans. Don’t think you’re running away with the AFC North for years to come even with that Super Bowl!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Just like they along with ESPN anointed Joe Burrow as the best QB in the AFC North, Bengals fans called Evan MacPherson the best kicker in football!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Marylander: I have one request for Roger Goodell next season, give us Cincinnati on Sunday Night at M&T for the Blackout game! I DARE YA!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Before we talk about that, we need to go over the events that led to this Inauguration.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Don Martindale after 4 years as the defensive coordinator stepped down this past week after a long discussion about his future with Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh.
Crowd: WOOOOOAH!
Marylander: Wink was entering the final year of his contract plus the Ravens were coming off the worst defensive season in franchise history.
Crowd: Uh Huh Uh Huh.
Marylander: Unfortunately this was the only move that they will likely make. Both Steve Saunders and Greg Roman will be around for another season.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Marylander: But both men will receive the Cam Cameron and Jim Fassell treatments and will be on thin ice all season.
Crowd: Uh Huh Uh Huh.
Marylander: With Martindale gone the Ravens have begun the search for their next commander to the defense.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Their first choice is Joe Whitt, the secondary coach for the Dallas Cowboys.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Marylander: This man was responsible for the Green Bay Packers title run in 2010 as he was the secondary coach for that team, as well as the Cowboys. Whitt made Charles Woodson into a Defensive Player of the Year and Hall of Famer while he was with the Pack, now in Dallas he transformed Trevor Diggs into a generational talent. Good Plan A, what do you think?
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: 2nd on the list is Kris Richard, the secondary coach for the New Orleans Saints.
Crowd: Uh Huh, Uh Huh.
Marylander: Richard was a key figure as to why the Saints defense had success against QBs like Tom Brady and Aarond Rodgers. Although with Sean Payton stepping down, he will most likely be ruled out since he will become their DC once their current coordinator gets promoted.
Crowd: Uh Huh, Uh Huh.
Marylander: 3rd on this list happens to be Anthony Weaver, the Ravens D-Line coach.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Marylander: Weaver was the defensive coordinator for the Texans in 2020, but even with JJ Watt, Justin Reid, and Whitney Mercilus, they had one of the worst units in the NFL. Although Weaver is more of a fit towards being a position coach. Which means he’ll coach the unit that he played during his career when he was a Raven himself.
Crowd: Uh, Huh, Uh, Huh.
Marylander: 4th on the list is the defensive coordinator at the University of Michigan in Mike Macdonald.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Marylander: Macdonald, a former Ravens assistant for 7 years, helped change the entire culture of the Michigan defense in one year. He made Aidan Hutchinson into the likely #1 overall pick in this year’s draft. And his teaching methods and young swagger are perfect for the modern NFL.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: 5th on our list is Mike Caldwell, the linebackers coach for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Marylander: Caldwell, one of the more trusted coaches on Todd Bowles defensive staff in Tampa Bay, turned this underachieving linebacker core into a Super Bowl champion in just 1 season. Since his arrival, the Bucs have had the best set of linebackers in the league.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: And finally even though he really isn’t a candidate but his name is out there. Rob Ryan.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Marylander: Don’t worry everyone, they quickly ruled him out.
Crowd: Uh, Huh, Uh, Huh.
Marylander: Now that the candidates have been discussed, let’s bring in Johnny for the final decision.
Harbaugh: After a long discussion, we have decided to hire Mike Macdonald as the defensive coordinator. Mike is one of us — a Raven through and through. During his initial seven seasons with us, it was evident that his leadership, intelligence and passion would earn him the opportunity to be a defensive coordinator in the NFL. Mike has continuously proven himself, including when he led one of the country’s best defenses at Michigan last year. He is a proven play-caller who knows our system well. He also fully understands the standard of playing defense in Baltimore.
Marylander: Ladies and Gentlemen, the 9th Commander of the BALTIMORE DEFENSE! From the University of Michigan, Mr. Mike Macdonald.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens) O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Macdonald: I’m excited to see the potential we have on this defense. We have a lot of pieces that are determined to get healthy like John said. Ultimately, our goal is not even Top 10, right?
Crowd: Yes
Macdonald: You want to be No. 1. So, that’s the standard. It’s just the willingness to just try to keep putting your players in the best position so they can succeed. If you let that kind of guide your decision process, you end up at a pretty decent spot. The first thing you want is a cohesive unit. You want everybody to have each other’s backs. There’s a certain style it takes to play like a Raven. You want it to be multiple. You want it to be flexible and adaptable. It needs to be complimentary, light enough when you can adjust to certain things and simple for the players so they can go play the way you expect them to go play. The aggressiveness – absolutely – is going to carry over, but I think you’ve got to look through the lens, What does aggressiveness actually mean? It’s about keeping the offense off-balance and where they’re not really believing what they’re seeing on a down-to-down basis. So, a lot of times, that will come with the schemed-up pressure – that’ll happen. A lot of times it could be a fake pressure, it could look like this coverage and play like another one. You’re changing the stress points of the zones and things like that and just trying to create doubt at all times. You want to be the one pushing the envelope, rather than the other way around.
Harbaugh: You saw it operate at Michigan, and we’re planning on taking that to another level as we keep building it. He made a bold move last year. Sometimes, it’s tough to leave a comfortable situation and go step out and take a chance. He was willing to do that, bet on himself, went out and had great success. The things that you see in Mike, it’s a great combination of intelligence, common sense, people skills, it’s the really unique, hard to find balance of confidence and humility.
Marylander: Ladies and Gentlemen, once again give it up for the 9th Commander of the BALTIMORE DEFENSE! From the University of Michigan, Mr. Mike Macdonald.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Marylander: Next time on Charm City Beasts we will discuss the offseason plans of Planet LJ and how Eric DeCosta will attack the offseason. Thank you so much for coming Ravens fans!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAH! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens)
Episode 19: The Offseason Begins (Plus we add a new member to the series cast)
(AFC Title game reaction): “THE BENGALS! THE BENGALS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!” Narrator: That right there is a Ravens fan’s worst nightmare. Watching the Cincinnati Bengals win the AFC Championship in Kansas City in what many people in this city claimed should have been theirs. It’s a pain to witness. We dealt with the same thing a decade ago when we couldn’t get over the playoff hump mostly due to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Plus we had to watch them in 2 Super Bowls before we could get a taste of it in 2012. With many people describing the future of this organization as troublesome, there is a sense of doubt starting to kick in. But we need to believe in a different way. Marylander: THE RAVENS WILL BE IN ARIZONA NEXT FEBRUARY!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, Don Martindale, Mike Macdonald, Eric DeCosta, Ozzie Newsome, Sashi Brown, with Dick Cass, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander, and Ravens Mascot Poe.
(Season 2) Episode 19: Scheming Plans to Take Back the North
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: There have been massive transitions made at the Under Armour Performance Center. After what can be considered as the most agonizing season in franchise history, the Ravens have decided to make a few changes in the front office and the coaching staff. Many fans were claiming for the Roman Empire to pack his bags after the Steelers game in Week 18. (They still are) However, there was one thing people forgot to realize. He never got to use his full offense because of the injury bug. In G-Ro’s defense, Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh is convinced that he can have a strong bounce back next year in 2022. With their 2 Pro Bowl caliber RB’s coming back next year he will have all of the tools to work with. However the Ravens did make a change to their coordinator room. Wink Martindale after 4 productive seasons as Defensive Coordinator resigned after a long conversation with Harbaugh. His contract was set to expire, plus the Ravens wanted a new look on defense. Luckily for Martindale, the Giants saw him on the market and quickly snatched him up for the same role. Searching for their next Defensive Coordinator, the Ravens needed someone who could adapt to the modern offense. Unlike previous times Harbaugh didn’t go for an old friend from Philadelphia or from within. He went for a young mastermind from the University of Michigan. MIKE MACDONALD! (Inauguration measure played by Marching Ravens) Many Marylanders including myself claimed that this man would restore the legacy of the BALTIMORE DEFENSE. However others outside of the city claim that they won’t recover from losing Martindale! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (This chirping is coming from Bengals and Browns fans) PAUSE.
Narrator: As I was saying. Macdonald’s reputation at Michigan with Captain Khaki was insane. He took an underachieving defense with no expectations and turned them into a juggernaut overnight. Not to mention he was a huge reason for why the Wolverines overtook Ohio State and Penn State as BIG10 Champions. This man made Aidan Hutchinson the #1 overall pick in this year’s draft. Plus he turned David Ojabo into a possible Top 10 pick. Look at what he could do with Odafe Oweh and Patrick Queen. 2 promising linebackers nearing the prime of their careers. Plus Tyus Bowser should be back by training camp after suffering an achilles tear in the game against Pittsburgh in Week 18. Also I didn’t even mention the best part. Marcus Peters and Marlon Humphrey will both be back next year according to Eric DeCosta. When healthy this is perhaps the best CB duo in the league. If Wink had success coaching those 2, who knows what Mac can do. The only weakness could be on the D-Line. Despite having the top run defense in the league, there will be a transition in that room. Calais Campbell, and Brandon Williams are both FAs and are nearing retirement. And they probably can only afford one of them. Not to mention Derek Wolfe is coming off a serious back injury. Justin Madubuike, and Broderick Washington had solid 2nd seasons, but they may need one more excellent piece up front. The man that EDC has his eyes on in that role is Jordan Davis of the University of Georgia. He was the captain of their National Championship defense. At 345 pounds, he would be a perfect fit for this defense with his abilities to stop the run and pressure the QB. (“We need the next Haloti Ngata” -Marylander)
The addition of Macdonald isn’t the only move the Ravens have made this offseason. Dick Cass, their longtime team president, retired after the season. This honestly stings me, Cass made the gameday experience at M&T Bank Stadium one of the best in all of the sports. He made Ravens games enjoyable to attend, and gave fans great memories. All of the effort he put into the stadium renovations in 2019 was to me what led to the birth of the Blackout. Without those renovations, they don’t have the most fire night game intro in the league, they don’t convince the fans to wear one color to a specific game, and they aren’t one of the leaders in the league in stadium technology. This man along with Bisciotti has made the Ravens into the organization they are today. Now the time has come to find his replacement. And just like Ozzie Newsome, they hired a former executive for the Cleveland Browns. Sashi Brown. Marylander: WAIT A MINUTE! HOW DID DICK CASS TURN INTO SASHI BROWN!? GOD ITS LIKE THEY WANT TO GO BACKWARDS! Narrator: Woah, woah, hold it right there. Marylander: Why? HE WAS WHY THEY WENT 0-16! Narrator: Yes you can say that, but Sashi was the least of their issues. Marylander: Oh right they have Jimmy Haslam and Hue Jackson was the coach. Narrator: He was the man that allowed them to gain all of the players they have now. Myles Garrett, Nick Chubb, Denzel Ward. Those players were acquired by Brown. Plus when he was with the Wizards he ruined the future of the Lakers with the Westbrook Trade. Marylander: Oh, now I see your point. RAVENS GOING TO SUPER BOWL LVII! Narrator: Already hoping for a trip to the desert, like the optimism.
Cass’ departure isn’t the only figure of M&T Bank Stadium that they have lost to retirement. Their longtime PA Announcer and top reporter for Fox 45 Bruce Cunningham retired after 31 years with the station. Just like Cass, this is another pill for me to swallow. Cunningham was what made the energy at the stadium what it is today now with Greg Davis in that role. Whenever I heard the phrase “13 time Pro Bowler, 2 Time NFL Defensive Player of the Year” before Ray Lewis came out to Hot in Herre, I like every fan was screaming my head off. I miss hearing Lee Greenwood, and U2 being played before every home game. There is one phrase that describes Cunningham’s enthusiasm. “Baltimore, ITS 3RD DOWN!” Whenever he said that especially in the Ray Era you knew there would be a big stop coming. He was a big piece of my childhood, and him being in the PA Booth and Press Box was a blessing. Take care of him, Football Gods.
Now we get to talk about the foundation of the team. And we all know who this starts with. PLANET LJ! Just like Joe Flacco a decade ago, Jackson is expected to play out his 5th year option without a contract. And similar to Flacco, he has had to watch a division rival and conference foe in a Super Bowl before he can even get there. Lamar’s main focus this offseason is not the contract. He is trying to get back on the field as quickly as possible. However a sports blogger for the newly named Washington Commanders thinks otherwise. In a well written article he claimed that the Ravens should really consider trading Jackson. Marylander: OH THAT IS A FAKE HEADLINE! ERIC DECOSTA AND HARBAUGH ARE NOT FALLING FOR THIS! Narrator: I agree with you. He probably wants the Commanders to get the franchise QB they have been missing since Joe Theissman. But speaking of those rumors, Harbaugh has claimed that Lamar is our guy, and we will do what we can to get a Super Bowl. (Thank god ESPN and NFL Network haven’t made that headline or rumor) With Mark Andrews being the runner up for Pro Bowl MVP, they are certainly going to try. Planet LJ isn’t the only one that will likely get his 5th year option. Marquise Brown is expected to get his for the 2023 season. I feel like this is a smart move. Wherever Jackson goes, Hollywood will go with him. It’s been this way since their childhood. Hollywood himself believes that with Lamar at 100% he can get close to 1400 yards receiving. Not only does Lamar have Hollywood, Rashod Bateman is a rising star, and Devin Duvernay has been rumored to be used as a Deebo Samuel type option back. This also includes the fact that both Dobbins and Edwards are returning next season too. If this team is healthy next year they could be on a mission towards Arizona in February of 2023. Perhaps no one has optimism like this than the guest that’s about to join us now. Ladies and Gentlemen, he is a 10 time Pro Bowler, 6 time All Pro, 2 time Super Bowl Champion, and has served in 4 AFE Military Tours. Now in his 24th year with the team, please welcome the official mascot of the Baltimore Ravens, the one and only Poe.
Narrator: Hi Poe, how are you doing today?
Poe: WHISTLING (I’m doing great, Hi everyone! Clap your hands if you love the Ravens!)
Narrator: Love the spirit Poe, I see you brought me a protein shake.
Poe: WHISTLING (Yes, it has Old Bay in it as well as fruits and vegetables)
Narrator: Let me take a sip… OH THATS SPICY! But hey what’s Maryland without Old Bay and McCormick spices?
Poe: WHISTLING (It’s just the way we like it. I also have a crossword puzzle for you to solve.)
Narrator: Oh that looks tough but I think I can do it.
Poe: WHISTLING (Good luck, also I have a game for you too)
Narrator: What is it?
Poe: WHISTLING (Pictionary)
Narrator: I think I’ve heard of that game. Isn’t it the one where someone draws a picture and the others have to guess what it is in 30 seconds?
Poe: WHISTLING (Yes it is)
Narrator: Alright, fire away Poe. Lets see, you’re drawing a person. He’s got a cap, he has a headset, he’s pointing at someone, this is hard, he has the Ravens logo on the cap. He wears a T-Shirt, oh and time just ran up. Poe I’m wondering what it is? Let me guess, is it Harbaugh?
Poe: WHISTLING (YOU ARE CORRECT!)
Narrator: All right, I can play these kinds of games.
Poe: WHISTLING (You are very good for a 1st time player)
Narrator: Anyways Poe, I brought you in to talk about the state of the Ravens franchise, plus some of my favorite memories of you and the team.
Poe: WHISTLING (I’m excited to hear about it)
Narrator: First of all, how was your experience at the Pro Bowl in Las Vegas?
Poe: WHISTLING (I loved it, I’m bummed we didn’t make the Super Bowl, but it’s fun to see all of my friends again.)
Narrator: I hear you were giving Victor, and Rowdy (The Vikings and Cowboys mascots) a hard time since they were only waving to the cameras.
Poe: WHISTLING (I wanted them to flex on the camera like I was, so when I saw them, I said “That’s all you’re doing, just waving, just flex for the cam one time.”)
Narrator: Yeah looks like you were the cool kid in town among mascots in Vegas.
Poe: WHISTLING (Being in the Pro Bowl isn’t a treat, it’s a popularity contest of who is the coolest mascot, and I think I won that.)
Narrator: You also gave Roary the Lions mascot the business during Mascot Training Camp in 2018 during the meetings.
Poe: WHISTLING (He was playing with his note papers because Staley was chucking them at him. If I wanted to, I would have roasted Staley too. I told those 2 to cut out that nonsense.)
Narrator: You must be super disciplined and I’m guessing you are a smart mascot when it comes to learning.
Poe: WHISTLING (You got that right)
Narrator: Well you and Mark Andrews were totally satisfied with your trips to the Pro Bowl weren’t you?
Poe: WHISTLING (I agree, he should have been Pro Bowl MVP instead of Justin Herbert)
Narrator: Maybe he’ll get it next time, but we need to be in the Super Bowl next year.
Poe: WHISTLING (ABSOLUTELY!)
Narrator: Which leads me to the next topic, the 2 of us both attended Super Bowl XLVII almost 10 years ago, when the Ravens beat the 49ers. I remember my week very well, I’m wondering how it went for you?
Poe: WHISTLING (I mean it was unbelievable. Of course I was at Super Bowl XXXV with my brothers Edgar and Allen, but I wasn’t as popular then as I am today. This experience was awesome, because I felt like we were going to win it right from the start.)
Narrator: I don’t think I’ve ever heard this story, Edgar and Allen were with you at the Super Bowl pre-events but not at the game. What did you guys do?
Poe: WHISTLING (The 3 of us were walking Bourbon Street, and Ravens fans were like, where have your brothers been. I said, retirement duties but I decided to bring them back for the Super Bowl. We were collecting beads, and necklaces all week. It was lively. I really enjoyed the NFL Experience at the Convention Center.)
Narrator: I was there that Saturday, I don’t remember seeing you or your brothers there. Although I did run into Ray Rice, and Michael Oher while I was walking near Bourbon Street. They were pulling into their car, and my family happened to see them, so they rolled down the window, and we told them good luck.
Poe: WHISTLING (That must have been cool)
Narrator: Early in that game we jumped on them 28-6 and it was going to be a blowout, what was your reaction to that early lead?
Poe: WHISTLING (IT WAS FUN! My favorite part of the game during the game was chilling on the sidelines at halftime, eating popcorn and those Old Bay protein shakes while watching Beyonce. I was jumping like crazy in the 1st Half, so I decided to chill out at the half)
Narrator: You must have been starving! What was that feeling when the power went out, I thought I was going to throw up because we didn’t know what would happen. What did you do?
Poe: WHISTLING (I was with the cheerleaders, they felt exactly the way you did. My 1st point of view was that the 49ers were quitting, but then I said, OH NO!)
Narrator: I agree with you Poe, because San Francisco came back… ONLY TO STOPPED AT THE 5 YARD LINE!
Poe: WHISTLING (THAT’S RIGHT! It was the best feeling of my career, because I could embrace the celebration. Plus I got to celebrate with my brothers too)
Narrator: If we go to the Super Bowl in Arizona next winter, you think you will bring your brothers with you.
Poe: WHISTLING (I’ve been telling Harbaugh to bring them back, but he mostly has ruled them out, Although I like Rise and Conquer)
Narrator: I don’t think I ever met Edgar and Allen. I bet they were fun to watch.
Poe: WHISTLING (Well when they were in action I wasn’t as STRONG as I am now. Back then I was designed to look like a lineman. But now since 2015 I have lost 40 pounds by going to Merritt Athletic Clubs)
Narrator: WOW YOU ARE ONE HARD WORKER!
Poe: WHISTLING (Yes I am.)
Narrator: Poe, one of my favorite memories outside of the Super Bowl, was the first time I met you.
Poe: WHISTLING (When was that?)
Narrator: It was during the 2009 playoffs at a local sports bar in Timonium. I was kind of scared of you at first because you’re so much bigger than I was back then. I was only in 2nd grade back then, but then I felt loved by you once you grabbed my back. I remember that weekend because we beat the Pats in the Wild Card game on the road.
Poe: WHISTLING (Thank you. I love it when fans reach out to me and give them comfort. I love hearing from them.)
Narrator: Poe do you think we can make a Super Bowl run next year with the team we have?
Poe: WHISTLING (TOTALLY! Even when I get down, I always tell myself to believe in myself and my team. One of these days our dream will come true, and we will get our shot in the Big Show)
Narrator: I agree. Do you think Lamar can win it all?
Poe: WHISTLING (Oh for sure! I believe that he will carry us to glory. If we almost made the playoffs without him. We can go all the way with him leading us.
Narrator: Poe before we wrap up today, I’ve got something for both of us. Cue the music! (Hot in Herre playing)
Poe: WHISTLING (I love this song!)
Narrator: Here we go! Here it comes. Unleash the Squirrel Dance! (Nelly: OH!) Oh, Ah, Oh, AAAAH! Let’s go!
Poe: WHISTLING (My boy, thanks for the love!)
Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, he is the mascot of the Baltimore Ravens, give it up one more time for Poe!
Poe: WHISTLING (Keep in touch bro, I would love to be a regular guest)
Narrator: Alright, I’ll think about it, you’ll definitely have a role.
Poe: WHISTLING (SOUNDS GREAT! See you soon!)
Narrator: Thanks Poe! What do you think, Salty Marylander?
Marylander: RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL IN ARIZONA! YEAAAAAAAH! (Tune in for the Charm City Beasts free agency special in a few weeks. Prepare the optimism)
Episode 20: Free Agency (Controversy has become in a familiar place)
Media: “Lamar Jackson shouldn’t be on the field without a contract. He needs an agent, if I were him I’d want out of Baltimore. The Ravens are done. Sashi Brown is a bad hire. This is the Browns and Bengals division. Baltimore you’re done.” Marylander: OOOOOOH BOY! If we haven’t been doubted enough this offseason proves it. If there is one thing you don’t do it’s wake a sleeping giant. They forget what organization this is. THIS IS RAVENS NATION! WE NEVER GIVE UP! Poe: Whistling (THAT’S RIGHT BUDDY!)
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Rashod Bateman, Morgan Moses, Marcus Williams, Michael Pierce, John Harbaugh, Mike Macdonald, Greg Roman, with Eric DeCosta, and Sashi Brown. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander and Poe.
Season 2 Episode 20: Sashi and EDC go Big Game Hunting
Created by Bragging Rights
Narrator: There have been plenty of events going on around the Ravens organization since they were eliminated in Week 18. The Bengals reaching the Super Bowl, Lamar Jackson’s contract situation, Deshawn Watson possibly going to Cleveland, plus Brady playing mind games with the media about retirement, and Russell Wilson getting traded to Denver. (All of these things affect the Ravens schedule) It certainly has been busy around here plus with the teams that will face them next year. Eric DeCosta has made one thing clear. “We are going big game hunting.” And he made it very clear to everyone in the Baltimore Media. He heard what a majority of the fanbase said about him and Steve Bisciotti being cheap and now they want to play NFL Blackjack again. It’s not just in free agency look at who they brought in on the coaching staff and front office. Obviously the hiring of Mike Macdonald to replace Wink Martindale is the major splash but an underrated hiring was bringing back Zach Orr to coach the linebackers. Just look at how much promise Queen, Oweh, and Bowser have. They have shown flashes of their potential but according to the Salty Marylander they needed the right scheme around them. Well they get their wish for now. Another landmark hiring for the Ravens this offseason was the hiring of Sashi Brown to be the new Team President. Yes his timeline in Cleveland is a concern but he was the one who drafted Myles Garrett, Nick Chubb, and Denzel Ward. Plus got an insane haul of picks from Houston in the Watson Trade on Draft Day 2017. Look at him as president of the Wizards in the NBA he basically fleeced the Lakers thanks to LA getting desperate for Russell Westbrook. (The Lakers gave up Kyle Kuzma, KCP, Montrezl Harrell, and 3 1st Round picks) This man with the right organization around him is going to do great things. Although many people on Social Media argued that the Ravens just jumped the shark. There’s a famous phrase in this city that says “ideas take root in our hearts, inspire us to be bold, to be more, to be brave in the darkness.” And that’s what this team is.
There is one man that everyone has its eyes on. PLANET LJ! He, like Joe Flacco 10 years ago, has decided to play out the 2022 season without a new contract. In my opinion, I don’t blame Lamar, he is trying to focus on improving his game instead of getting paid. The media however was all over Jackson. ESPN’s Adam Schefter, Stephen A Smith, and Dan Orlovsky claimed that he shouldn’t be on the field if he doesn’t get paid. I mean for gosh sake you guys did this exact same thing a decade ago. Remember how they wanted the Ravens to blow it up after their AFC Title game loss in 2011, that aged poorly. Poe: Whistling (I mean why are these people trying to claim that we’re done, we’re still a top team) Narrator: That’s right Poe, plus I want one of those Old Bay protein shakes please. Poe: Whistling (Ok, buddy I’ll get one) Narrator: Thanks Poe, anyways Jackson unlike many players is not holding out without a new contract. As I was saying he just wants to win. That’s the #1 thing on his mind. John Harbaugh has claimed despite those BS trade rumors that Lamar is our guy and we want to support him as much as possible. Considering that they are maxed out at Wide Receiver and Running Back, all they need is an O-Line and they are set. With free agency set to begin. The Ravens don’t really have that many needs. All they need is Lineman on both sides, plus depth in the secondary and at Tight End. Considering that they just released Tavon Young plus the Army Ranger retired after a one year dud in B-More the Ravens now had about 20 million in cap space which in franchise terms is about right for them.
The first 2 days of the negotiating period for free agents was very quiet around the Under Armour Performance Center, many Ravens fans on Social Media were calling DeCosta and Sashi cheap and conservative. They said that we are tired of this same crap year in and year out. BOOM! (Ravens Nation by FreeState Workshop playing) Those 2 luckily heard the requests of all of the Marylanders. Day 3 of the negotiating period was when Baltimore made it clear to the NFL Media that they indeed were going big game hunting. First they signed quite possibly the best safety on the Free Agent. Marcus Williams, a huge victory for the organization. They got a guy who should fit in nicely with Peters, Humphrey, and Clark in the secondary. 5 years at OH BOY! 14 million a year. That’s steep but hey he’s 25 and entering the prime of his career. (Marylander: “I still don’t understand why Bengals fans think Chase will burn him and Marcus Peters, YOU HAD ONE YEAR!”) Next they went after one of the better run blocking tackles on the market. Morgan Moses, they signed him to a 3 year deal worth 5 million a year. In my opinion that’s a good deal considering how underrated a player he is. (This move means that Ja’Wuan James will most likely be used as a swing tackle in run formations) Then you chuck in the fact that Ronnie Stanley’s bad ankle is a concern, but he should be back too. How about ZaDarius Smith, pair him with Oweh and Tyus Bowser, that’s good. Plus he was a former Raven. I wonder what the cost of this is? (YoYo Sound) He decided to back out because he was only going to get 8.5 million a year. Marylander: WHAT IN FROSTY’S FROZEN CARROT IS GOING ON HERE!? DON’T TELL ME BUFFALO PAYING VON MILLER 20 MILLION A YEAR FOR 6 YEARS WAS WHY HE OPTED OUT! IS THIS DEANDRE HOPKINS AND MICHAEL BROCKERS AGAIN!? Narrator: Who knows but let’s be clear. Smith is going to be 30 and he’s coming off a major injury. Marylander and Poe: Got it! Whistling. Narrator: Boys, I have a better one for you. Look everyone, MICHAEL PIERCE! He’s coming back to the Ravens, and yes the team made it clear on Social Media. Marylander: HAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT NFLPA! Poe: Whistling (I love this!) Narrator: He like ZaDarius Smith has injury concerns but like Smith when he’s healthy Pierce is a very good player. Poe: Whistling (Plus he loves snacks just like me) Narrator: Poe I tend to agree with you on that but as long as he returns to 2018-19 form it’s a plus. Poe: Whistling (Thats cool)
Narrator: DeCosta did say even with the Pierce signing he still plans to make more moves. Plus there is one guy that is still on the market that every Ravens fan wants on this defense. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Bobby Wagner. One of the architects of the Seahawks Legion of Boom defense in 2013. An 8 time Pro Bowler and 6 time All Pro. Plus he was the emotional leader in that locker room in Seattle. Baltimore has not had an alpha at that position in a decade. And you know who I’m talking about? Marylander: THE GOAT! Poe: Whistling (Ray Ray) Narrator: Exactly, it’s insane that the Ravens despite having CJ Mosley and Patrick Queen in his place after that haven’t gotten a middle linebacker with legendary status. Plus I don’t think the rest of the division hasn’t done anything significant BOOOOOOOM! Marylander: GOD ALMIGHTY! PAUSE. (The moment where Jimmy Haslam drank 3 quarts of stupid juice)
Narrator: (Ms Baltimore Crabs theme playing) I don’t know how they did it but the Browns took an already unlikable team and made it even more unlikable. Look at this, they traded their entire future to the state of Texas for 2 of the most overrated players in the game. Deshaun Watson and Amari Cooper. They traded 5 of their 8 draft picks this year for those 2 players. And you want to know why? Because Jimmy Haslam is the most unlikable owner in the NFL excluding Daniel Synder who Marylanders also hate with envy! (You heard that right) This man thinks that Watson in particular will be the guy that finally gets the Browns past their boogeyman. Yes Watson may be the most talented QB that Cleveland has had since Otto Graham but there are more risks on Watson than most Browns fans think. This is a man that hasn’t played a game in almost 2 years and he is still dealing 23 lawsuits of sex allegations with women in the city of Houston. (And he will likely be suspended for the first 8 games) For goodness sake Haslam, you guys did this exact same thing 8 years ago. Johnny Football, remember how they traded 2 1st Round picks and Trent Richardson to move up to select Manziel? How did that work out, he got Ngata’d in Week 17 of his rookie year and became a massive bust after that. The worst part to me about this trade is the amount of insufferability coming out of the Dawg Pound. Oh if you think they crowned themselves Super Bowl Champs during the last 3 offseasons, this year makes those 3 years look like choirboys. This is why the Browns are the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NFL. All of Cleveland.com is coming out of cages to convince us that they will win the Super Bowl on paper for the 4th year in a row. This is the only crew of sports personalities that I think rivals LeafsNet. This trade to me is the equivalent of when the Maple Leafs signed John Tavares in 2018. Because the fanbase already booked the parade. If I thought Cincinnati fans were getting insufferable about their Super Bowl run, Cleveland is doing the exact same thing. 2 franchises that have 2 of the most inept owners in all of sports think there is nothing in the world that can stop them. Perhaps the 2 greatest punchlines in the league throughout most of my lifetime and years before I was born think that they will just run away with the AFC North title. You have to understand that those 2 teams just woke the parents of the division. The Ravens and Steelers aren’t giving up easily. Yes Pittsburgh got Mitch Trubisky but I think he will be better than he was in Chicago because of Mike Tomlin’s leadership, Najee Harris, Pat Freiermuth and a strong defense. Ohio residents, don’t you dare think that the division will be yours by default, you need to understand that 2 of the most successful franchises in league history have lorded over you for the last 25 years. Yes the Bengals did make the Super Bowl, and the Browns now have Watson, but here is the reality. Browns and Bengals fans: This is awesome! The 2 teams in the state of Ohio are both Super Bowl Contenders and are better than the Ravens and Steelers, it’s the New Frontier! Marylander (Doing his best Michelle Pfeifer impersonation): NOT IN BALTIMORE IT ISN’T! Poe: Whistling (Never talk trash about my Ravens) Narrator: Thank you boys teach those insufferable Ohio sports fans a lesson. I have been hearing smack talk not only from them but Ohio State, and Cavs fans too about how their teams will beat the Bucks and Penn State. I now can officially say that the State of Ohio is the most insufferable sports state in America over New York, California, and Florida. Why? Because of things like this. Lamar I have one request for you, exercise the doubters again, don’t let those media people get in your head. Because if you return to old form, you know what this would mean. Marylander and Poe (Whistling): THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PAUSE.
Narrator: Anyways the Ravens just like their Super Bowl Championship season in 2012 are given little chance by the people outside of Baltimore. People don’t realize this but entering that season the Ravens were projected to miss the playoffs by many major sources. Here are the reasons. The Bengals had traded 2 top picks for Taylor Mays who at that time was considered a player that was on Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu’s level in terms of the best safeties in the game. (Mays eventually would become one of the biggest villains in Ravens History because of his dirty hits on Anquan Boldin and Ray Rice that same year) Andy Dalton and AJ Green had a combo which entering 2012 was one of the best QB-WR duos in the league and they had just signed Benjarvis Green-Ellis who was the best RB on the free agent market to replace Cedrick Benson. The Steelers had their entire defense returning headlined by Polamalu and James Harrison, plus this was the beginning of the Killer B’s era. And Cleveland had 2 Top 5 picks in Trent Richardson and Brandon Weeden who many said would turn the Browns into contenders. (Both became huge busts) Who thought that year that the Ravens with Ray Lewis and Ed Reed near the end of their careers, Terrell Suggs tearing his achilles in the offseason, Joe Flacco trade rumors swirling, Cap Hell on the horizon, and having to deal with Brady, Manning, Big Ben, Luck, Rivers, Palmer, Dalton, Sanchez, and Schaub would not only make the playoffs but win the Super Bowl following a year that was considered their best and last chance with Lewis and Reed? Not many outside of Baltimore. Look at this now, the Bengals being the defending AFC Champs with Burrow and Chase, The Browns going all in on Watson, the Steelers defense entering their primes, plus the entire AFC loaded with great QBs. Plus there was one common factor I didn’t mention about these 2 circumstances. John Harbaugh was on the hotseat by any Ravens fan that didn’t know the foundation of the team.
Just like the spring of 2012, fans want him out thanks to underachieving in the playoffs just like he did a decade ago. But in his defense this regime just like the last one has a QB that is considered a choke artist. It’s easy to forget now but before 2012 Joe Flacco was one of the biggest chokers in playoff history. In 3 AFC Championship losses, Flacco threw 3 touchdowns and 8 interceptions (plus 0 TDs and 3 INTs against the Colts in the 2009 Divisional Game) Including a 1-6 ratio against the Steelers in the 2008 and 2010 AFC Championships. There were doubts as to whether JoeCool would ever get past Brady, Manning, Roethisberger, Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, heck even Andy Dalton or Matt Schaub. Plus there was speculation that he would be traded for Matt Hasselbeck. But Flacco did a wise thing. He played out his 5th year option and what did it get him during that year. A Super Bowl MVP and a 6 year deal worth 20 million a year which still is the biggest contract in Ravens History. This could become Lamar’s legacy as well. Considering how everything is lining up for him this year to have a similar run to overcome his playoff failures like Flacco before him there’s still time. Considering that Jackson, Justin Tucker, Harbaugh, Marcus Peters, Marquise Brown, Nick Boyle, and DeCosta are all in the final years of their contracts this could be a boom or bust year for the Ravens. Just like it was in 2012. Poe: Whistling (Look behind you) Narrator: Ah yes Poe, you want me to play Pictionary with you. Ok, I got you. Lets see what you’re drawing, it looks like a football player, he has a helmet, his right leg is going back forwards, the ball is on a kicking tee, I wonder who this could be Poe? Let me take a guess, is that Justin Tucker? Poe: Whistling (YOU ARE CORRECT BUDDY!) Narrator: Hey I’m 2-2 on Pictionary. Poe: Whistling (You are one smart fellow) Narrator: Thanks, anyways how will the Ravens continue to fortify their roster in a stacked AFC North, find out next time on Charm City Beasts. Marylander: RAVENS GONNA WIN THE NORTH!
Episode 21: The NFL Draft (Patience Please)
“I think the Ravens are cheap, there are plenty of people that think that Baltimore has run its course, Lamar Jackson should demand a trade, this is a poverty organization, they need another wide receiver, the Bengals and Browns should destroy this division, why is Greg Roman still the Offensive Coordinator, Sashi Brown is a recipe for disaster.” Marylander: Oh doctor, all the talking heads around the country on ESPN, and Social Media are trying to get in our heads. They know that we thrive on being doubted. Yet they are afraid to admit it. Here is the truth, ALL THESE WHIPPER SNAPPERS WOKE A SLEEPING GIANT!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Tyler Linderbaum, Patrick Ricard, Calais Campbell, Marlon Humphrey, Kyle Hamilton, David Ojabo, with John Harbaugh, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander, Poe plus Yinzers, Browns and Bengals fans.
Season 2 Episode 21: Calm Down Flock
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Ah it feels good to do one of these again. Since the free agency period began the talk around the Under Armour Performance Center has been certainly chatty. The Ravens have tried to get their hands on some free agents, some they have succeeded on. Calais Campbell made it clear during Super Bowl week that he wouldn’t retire after 2021, after a couple of weeks on the free agent market Captain MonStar decided that his best interest would be staying in Baltimore. Campbell after signing a team friendly deal now has 2 more cracks at winning that elusive Super Bowl Ring that he has certainly dreamed of. (They also re-signed Josh Bynes to that exact same contract) Another big free agent that was on the market was Patrick Ricard. It’s rare that a fullback with his talents hits the market but the good news is that there aren’t many teams in this day of age that value that position. (Ex. Ravens, 49ers, Patriots, Vikings, and a couple others) Luckily for Project Pancake he also resigned a team friendly deal, although it’s for 4 years. Building in the trenches has always been a Ravens trademark and to have success in the playoffs you need to have a solid O-Line and Front 7. Marylander: I’m sick and tired of the phrase “Offense wins Championships” IT’S STILL ABOUT DEFENSE IN THE PLAYOFFS! Narrator: I agree with you, running the ball and playing good defense will get you a title if you have the personnel to pull it off. Poe: Whistling (Old School Football, just the way we like it!) (Tropical Music playing) Narrator: Poe why are you dressed as a lifeguard? Poe: Whistling (Our annual Beach Bash in Ocean City MD is coming up and was wondering if you’d like to go.) Narrator: Poe, I’d love to go but I already have plans for the summer, and I don’t want to spend $650 a night for 3 nights. Poe: Whistling (Ah shucks.) Narrator: I’ll still be at training camp this summer to see our guys begin “The Redemption Tour” though. Poe: (Oh great) Narrator: Speaking of warm weather, hey Poe, can you get me a Ravens Colored Snow Cone? Poe: Whistling (Sure, I’ll get one for myself too) Narrator: Thanks.
Anyways, the talk of the offseason in terms of free agents was a bidding war between the Ravens and the Defending Super Bowl Champion Rams. The prize was longtime Seahawks Linebacker Bobby Wagner. Many Ravens fans were clamoring for DeCosta and Sashi Brown to get the 8 time Pro Bowler in Purple and Black. While he was in town, Wagner not only had a visit with Harbaugh he also took in a meal at Jimmy’s Seafood. They even offered him free Crab Cakes for Life if he signed with Baltimore. There was one problem. (YoYo Sound) His hometown was Los Angeles and he wanted a chance to expand his brand in terms of media coverage. Charm City isn’t the most attractable city if you get what I mean. (Plus considering how dangerous the city is could be why many free agents stay away from there due to their own nightlife) Even if the Ravens offered Wagner more money than the Rams there was no way he was leaving his hometown. Wagner signed in LA for 5 years at 14 million a year. That’s a good contract for Years 1 and 2, but this could be bad towards. Marylander: OF COURSE HE’D SIGN IN LA WHY WOULDN’T HE! THIS IS WHY THEY ARE THE NEW EVIL EMPIRE! STAN KROENKE IS THIS GENERATIONS GEORGE STEINBRENNER! Narrator: Exactly, this signing is like the Yankees preventing Jose Contreras from signing with the Red Sox in 2003. Poe: (Here’s your Snow Cone by the way) Narrator: Oh thank you Poe. Ah I enjoy a Grape Snowball. Anyways, there was another hot topic that ticked off many of the long time fans. Jason La Confora of NFL Network called out the Ravens Front Office after not signing Wagner or getting a WR in a trade. In a shocking turn of events (DRAMATIC MUSIC) He called them the Orioles of the NFL and said that Bisciotti was a cheap owner. Yes you can say that the Ravens have problems getting superstars on the open market, but it’s mostly due to the circumstances of being a small market team. No star player is going to want to go towards Downtown Baltimore at night if it’s not towards the Camden Yards complexes. Plus in today’s NFL, you are seeing many big market teams throw ridiculous amounts of money in free agency. If you were to call the Ravens cheap, you could say the same about the Patriots, Steelers, and Packers. Teams that have excellent player development don’t need to spend money in free agency. It’s because they know what they’re doing.
I know that today’s NFL is more balanced towards the superstar offenses based on free agency and the draft. The Reality is, the player development system that the Ravens have is something that many teams would dream to have in this age. I know people are going to say that DeCosta needs to follow the Bengals motto but that’s not based on a run of success. Cincinnati lucked into 2 generational talents based on being the worst team in football 2 years in a row and an entire conference tripping over themselves with injuries and offensive self-destructions last year. I don’t know if they can sustain that considering how stacked the AFC North is. Plus there was another controversial trend this offseason that had many of the older fans like me angry. There were many Ravens fans mostly under the age of 16 claiming that Planet LJ should be traded to Miami. Marylander: OH COME ON! Narrator: This would be like if the Orioles traded Cal Ripken in 1988 which they almost did. I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus, but let me be clear. The people that are saying that the Ravens are cheap and that Lamar should be traded are spoiled fans. THERE I SAID IT! They don’t understand the definition of being true Ravens fans. You aren’t a true fan unless you followed the team in the Ray Lewis years regardless of the coach and QB. (Most of the Ravens fans that came with Lamar are bandwagons and only care about offensive firepower, I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!) The foundations of this football team are the run game and defense. Lamar is a major asset but he enjoys having less pressure on himself thanks to the guys around him. I wonder how he’ll respond to those tweets and messages on social media? BOOM! That’s my QB! He’s telling all those talking heads to stop with all the rumors. Jackson isn’t focusing on a new contract, he wants to go out there and prove his doubters wrong. Poe: Whistling (Shades of 2012 Joe Flacco) Narrator: That’s right Poe! All Social Media did was wake this young man up and allow him to start working out with his receivers. Even if Hollywood Brown deleted all his Ravens pics, Planet LJ is starting to form excellent chemistry with Rashod Bateman. Those 2 have been working out more than anyone on this roster over the course of the offseason. They’ve been in Florida on a daily basis and Jackson is starting to read defenses much better than he did in his 1st 4 years. Even if Lamar is telling management to not trade his BFF, he has told DeCosta that they need to build a wall around him. One of the reasons why Baltimore collapsed and finished 8-9 last year? They had the worst O-Line in franchise history. The game against Miami in Week 10 where the left side of the line got destroyed by Sticky Sand is all you need to know.
He’s not the only one that has been making headlines on the roster this offseason. 1 year after Marlon Humphrey tried hooking up with Zendaya, and trying to star in a bootcamp series, the man they call Fruit Punch has decided to keep things calm. In a quiet offseason by his standards, Humphrey did make one headline. He started his own show for RAVE-TV called Studio 44. The show features Marlon interviewing Ravens players, coaches, executives, and possible celebrities. Poe: Whistling (I wonder who he will have on set?) Narrator: Poe I’m with you on this. In the 1st Episode he interviewed GM Eric DeCosta, both of them were chatting about the upcoming NFL Draft, and Marlo asked the question of “Who do you think we will take this year?” EDC claimed that “We will draft the best player available.” The 2022 NFL Draft would be an interesting draft for the Ravens. Entering the 3 day event in Las Vegas, Baltimore had 9 picks in the 1st 4 Rounds. The most by any team. In fact they held the 14th overall pick, which in Ravens terms is very high. There were a few glaring needs at the time. Depth at CB, a C, a DE/OLB, a DT, a P, and depth at TE. According to most pundits myself and the Marylander included, the Ravens were expected to draft Georgia DT Jordan Davis, there was one problem. “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh’s old boss beat him to it. Philadelphia not only drafted Davis at 13, (The pick before the Ravens) but traded for AJ Brown, and lucked into a game changing LB in Nakobe Dean in the 3rd Round.
You’d think that the Eagles would be the runaway winners of this year’s draft. BOOM! Oh how wrong you were. Guess what happened with the very next pick? “The Baltimore Ravens select… Kyle Hamilton, Defensive Back Notre Dame.” (Broadway’s Hamilton Theme playing) Marylander: How does a generational talent with elite versatility somehow drop into the laps of the Ravens? Narrator: I have no clue but I like the Hamilton reference. Marylander: Thank you. Narrator: I wouldn’t get too comfortable because of what DeCosta did seconds after the selection. Poe: Whistling (Why?) BOOM! Narrator: EDC just fleeced the Arizona Cardinals! Poe: Whistling (How’d he do that?) Marylander: The Ravens may be criticized for not developing receivers thanks to a run-heavy scheme over the years but that Marquise Brown guy BLASPHEMOUS! He’s a headcase, a total diva that is a distraction to the rest of the receiver room. He may enjoy playing Madden during downtime and doing TikToks with Lamar but he wants out because of the fact that he isn’t getting the ball enough. (“Give me the Damn Ball” -Every Star Receiver) He got traded to the Cards on Draft Night as soon as EDC heard an offer he couldn’t refuse. Narrator: It may have cost them Lamar’s BFF, but they were able to get an extra 1st and 4th Round pick. I know everyone is going to say that Planet LJ tweeted (Sensored) about the trade, but in reality it was because Jackson had no idea that Hollywood was already in Arizona on draft night before the trade even happened. Luckily for Ravens fans, Jackson was informed by Harbaugh and DeCosta about this trade. He’ll be fine, it’ll just take some time for him to adjust without his buddy. And look at that, the Ravens used the 1st Round pick they got from the Hollywood Trade to draft another generational talent. No it wasn’t a skill player but one of the top Center prospects of the last decade in Tyler Linderbaum. At Iowa he was a huge reason for why the Hawkeyes were ranked #2 in the country after 6 weeks of the 2021 College Football season. Even better news for Marylanders was that he was training with Ravens Legend Marshal Yanda while preparing for the draft. If Linderbaum plays like he did in college despite being undersized and having small arms, this like the Hamilton pick should be a Hall of Fame career. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh you thought the Ravens would be done with getting generational players in the draft. Would you believe that they got a 3rd with their 2nd Round pick? “The Baltimore Ravens select… David Ojabo, Linebacker, Michigan.” (Good to see Matt Stover and Josh Charles announce the Boys in Purple’s 2nd and 3rd Round picks) Yes Ojabo is coming off a torn achilles that he injured at Michigan’s Pro Day in March, but he should be back by October. If healthy the pairing of him and Odafe Oweh could be one of the most deadly pass rushing duos in the league. Considering that Ojabo played with Oweh in High School, and that he played with Macdonald at Michigan this should be a recipe for success. I wonder what will motivate this heavily determined squad. The Miz: With the 68th pick of the 2022 NFL Draft, the 2023 Super Bowl Champion Cleveland Browns! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! Marylander: OH NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN! CAN BROWNS FANS STOP DOING THEIR BEST LEAFS-NET IMPERSONATION!!! PAUSE.
Narrator: Anyways The Miz like Machine Gun Kelly lit a fire in every Marylander’s heart by saying that the Browns would win it all. They forget to realize that yeah their team and new QB have been owned by Baltimore for decades. The Ravens following this declaration would take perhaps the most underrated DT in the draft in Travis Jones out of UConn. If he went to let’s say Alabama, he would be a sure fire 1st Round pick. 4 elite talents in 4 picks, that’s an excellent start… BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Baltimore had a modern day record 6 4th Round picks to work with. They drafted a 380 pound tackle, recreated their 3TE formation, drafted 2 excellent depth corners, and the successor to Sam Koch (WE ARE!). Koch’s retirement stings me, not just for his contributions but for sentimental reasons. He was the last guy remaining from the Brian Billick era. At that time it was unknown about what kind of fortunes that the Ravens would have in future. In Koch’s rookie year they went 13-3 and lost to Indianapolis in the Divisional Round, the next year they went 5-11 and everyone not on the defensive staff left by firing or contracts being up. Koch was lucky to play with not only Justin Tucker but also the other great Ravens kicker in Matt Stover. I’m glad they replaced him with Jordan Stout, I loved watching him at Penn State, and now I get to see him in B-More for years to come hopefully. Anyways, even with winning the draft in almost everyone’s eyes there was still some criticism in the air. There were still some fans and pundits that said the Ravens should have drafted a receiver after Hollywood got traded. Poe: Whistling (Can we stop with that?) Narrator: I agree with this. The doubters don’t know what they are thinking. I’m looking at you Emmanuel Acho. Rashod Bateman though came out with vengeance. He went on Twitter and claimed that this receiving core that the Ravens have could be underrated. The tweet said “We can, and we will! Y’all talk too much.” (Bateman doing his best Jerry Kramer impersonation, LOVE IT!) Poe: Whistling (Thank you Bateman, we’ll be fine.) Narrator: I agree, Poe. Even NFL Network’s Kimmi Chex claimed that Rashod is due for a breakout 2nd year. Poe: Whistling (Awesome, plus I heard she looks good) Narrator: Poe you crack me up! Poe: Whistling (I can’t help it, but it’s fun) Narrator: I know right, ok.
Now we get to the big topic of discussion. The debate of who the team to beat in the AFC North is underway. Every fanbase in the division is growing insufferable, in particular the 2 teams in Ohio. Salty Marylander and Poe, do you guys mind asking them about how those teams stack up to the Ravens. Marylander and Poe: Sure. Whistling. Narrator: Alright, I’ll talk to Cincy, Poe you get the Dawg Pound, and Salty Marylander, do you mind going into the YinzerMob? Marylander: Yessir. (A few hours later) Narrator: Alright you media darling Bengals fan, I need to ask you a few questions. Bengals fan: What are they? Narrator: Here’s the first one, what did the media say to you to get you attracted to the hype of Joe Burrow? Bengals fan: It’s because he’s so hot. Narrator: Um, I don’t think that’s a strong enough answer, let me repeat myself again. WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU TO GET YOU ATTRACTED TO THE HYPE OF JOE BURROW!? (I had to use the musical accent, just so I could get her to have a legit answer) Bengals fan: Well it’s because they said he has a great arm, he’s likable, everyone rallies around him, he has a cool attitude, and he can beat any defense on a given day. Narrator: Good answer, I can understand that. Next question, how do you guys view the Ravens defense? Bengals fan: I think they are a good defense, I like the Kyle Hamilton pick of yours but overall, I think JaMarr Chase is going to run circles around you again. Narrator: Oh be careful you haven’t seen Marcus Peters against him yet. Bengals fan: Oh he isn’t as good as he once was. Narrator: You may be right but anything can happen. Anyway, last question. Do you think the AFC North will be close or will it be a runaway? Bengals fan: Oh we will run away with this division. We upgraded the O-Line and Secondary, we’re winning this division by 3-4 games. Narrator: Wow, that’s a bold take right there. I said the same thing a few years ago after the Ravens went 14-2 but here is the thing. If you’re going to talk that much smack you better be able to back it up. Don’t be like the #Sacksonville teams, ok. Bengals fan: Sounds good. Narrator: Alright, it was great to talk to you and wish you luck for the 2022 season. Bengals fan: Thank you, Go Bengals! Narrator: Ok enjoy the rest of the offseason. Poe, how are things going in Cleveland? Poe: Whistling (It’s good, these Dawgs just won’t shut up.) Narrator: Can you translate what they are saying? Poe: Whistling (Yes, they think Lamar is a RB, and Deshaun Watson is the best QB in football) Narrator: Browns fans have crowned themselves offseason champions for the last 4 years. Don’t listen to that garbage. Poe: Whistling (I got a good one, THE RAVENS HAVE OWNED THE BROWNS FOR 25+ YEARS!) Narrator: That’s why you’re a Top 5 Mascot! Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy!) Narrator: It seems like you are getting into similar conversations that I get into with Browns fans on social media. Salty Marylander, how are those Yinzers? Marylander: Well they think Kenny Pickett is the next Big Ben. All they keep saying is that it doesn’t matter if his hands are tiny, and that he played in a weak ACC, Pickett will become the next Big Ben and take the Steelers to the Super Bowl. Narrator: I think I’ve heard that quote a bunch. Marylander: Yeah they think our rivalry with them is still going though. Narrator: The Ravens Steelers rivalry is never dead, it doesn’t matter how good the teams are, whenever they play, chuck the records out the window. Marylander: Exactly, RAVENS GOING TO SUPER BOWL! Narrator: I like that phrase very much. Before we wrap up I’d like to take time to mention that the Ravens Super Bowl XXXV team is getting their own 30 for 30 doc on ESPN. Marylander and Poe: Sweet! Whistling. Narrator: I don’t know when it comes out but I can’t wait to see it. Poe: (I’m for sure watching this with Edgar, and Allan) Narrator: Oh I know you are. And I can’t wait. That concludes this episode of Charm City Beasts, we’ll have a schedule skit with me and my 2 pals coming soon in a few days. Stay tuned. R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
(Sidenote, me, Poe, and the Marylander will do the schedule skit week by week during Season 3)
Conclusion
Narrator: Tonight, on the season finale of Charm City Beasts, a season with high hopes and Super Bowl ambitions took a turn thanks to the injury gods and not being able to overcome one of the biggest collapses in Maryland Sports History. To be fair this was a year where they should have won 3-5 games with the injuries to key players. However when you finish 8-9 with the hardest schedule in the NFL, the most injuries in league history, and the Worst O-Line and Defense in Franchise History that is a great sign for 2022. If teams struggled to beat the Ravens with all the injuries they will have problems dealing with this squad when healthy. The questions for next year will be out there. When will Lamar Jackson get extended? Will Jackson pull off a Joe Flacco like playoff run this season? Can they overcome the New Frontier of the AFC North slowly coming for them? Can the Ravens stay healthy? How will Mike Macdonald change the defense? Will Kyle Hamilton live up to the hype? Will the Receivers they have make up for Marquise Brown and Sammy Watkins leaving? Do they have enough to beat the Bengals and Joe Burrow? And can they recreate the 2012 Championship Team 10 years later. This may be the most crucial season in Ravens History. Cap Hell is coming in 2023, Lamar Jackson, Justin Tucker, Marcus Peters, Chuck Clark, Gus Edwards, and Greg Roman are all in the final years of their contracts. Plus even if Harbaugh and Eric DeCosta got extended their future is also up for grabs. The AFC is only getting stronger, and the entire state of Ohio wants them to lose their 20+ year Super Bowl window. 2022 is simple in this town. Win it all or total failure! As we wrap up the 2021 Season, we have some sad news to announce. Just like in the 2015 season where they suffered a then NFL Record for players on IR (Which they broke this year) they suffered off the field tragedy when the season was over. And on the 6th Anniversary of former Team President David Modells death, Ravens Linebacker Jaylon Ferguson, along with franchise icon Tony Siragusa died in a span of several hours. The death of Ferguson is very similar to the death of Tray Walker in 2016. Both guys were expected to get plenty of playing time in the ensuing season. Yet death put an end to their high upside. The Siragusa death is just bittersweet. Not only for his play during 2000, but for helping to lay the foundation of the Ravens. Goose as well as Ray Lewis, Shannon Sharpe, and Rod Woodson changed the culture of this organization. His 345 pound presence both on and off the field was legendary. He won’t be a Hall of Famer, but he was a Hall of Famer when it came to humor. Such as “Lets here it for the Giants… KISSING MY ASS!” (Excuse my French 1st of all, 2nd of all that was him at a Tampa nightclub hyping up Ravens fans before Super Bowl XXXV) He and fellow DT Sam Adams were the 2 key ingredients to the greatest single season defense in league history. Their size allowed Lewis, Peter Boulware, Jamie Sharper, and Adalius Thomas run all day long. Without the Goose who knows if the Ravens have the identity that they have today which is a punishing defense. Anyways take care of them Football Gods. I light a candle for both of these men. At least OJ Brigance is still alive and inspiring all of us Ravens fans. (Its fascinating that he’s been able to fight ALS for 15 years) Anyways thats the end of Season 2 of Charm City Beasts. I hope to see you all back this fall for the start of Season 3. I just hope that 2022 won’t be as tragic as 2021 was to the City of Baltimore. I ask for nothing more than a deep playoff run. Amen.
Bragging Rights Sports 
Do you think the Ravens have done enough to address core offensive issues such as the OL or the receiver core?
What else could Harbaugh be doing??
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