This year has been eons of insanity and craziness in every sense of the word. Even down to the playoff format itself. No Swifties, no Charm City Beasts, no Hog Army, no Motown Maulers, and other contenders from years past are down for the count. And that’s not including all of the weeks where I’ve looked emotionally drained watching some of these games. Yeah I know you can bash me all you want. But hey it’s time for the playoffs and honestly with these 14 teams it’s a who’s who of unpredictable upstarts. So let’s get right to it.
Denver Broncos (Holy Omaha!): Remember last year when Kansas City got so many close wins due to REFBALL, Deus Ex Machina, or other teams beating themselves. Well guess what. The same thing occurred this year only this time the location has changed. Denver of all places now has that semblance of chaos on their side. The 14 wins they’ve had this year plus getting the #1 seed looks impressive, but when you dig deeper there are massive concerns. 10 of those wins were by a touchdown or less (A bunch of those were last second comebacks too), Bo Nix despite showing tons of promise compared to last year is still madly inconsistent and outside of Courtland Sutton the passing game is very hit or miss. But if there’s anything that has the Broncos in prime position for a deep run, it’s their defense. Zach Allen, Pat Surtain and company have been hammering plenty of teams due to proper scheming from Vance Joseph or shutting you down left and right (A Denver defense that’s underrated, it’s like we never left the 70s or 90s at all). And this is the type of unit that can overcome tons of offensive flaws. Now if Nix is able to improve like he did in December, especially with the Mile High altitude on their side, this will be a very tough out in the AFC. Its weird saying that about the Broncos given how much of a mess they once were during the backend of Elway’s time as an executive.
New England Patriots (The Force Awakens): Ladies and Gentlemen see for yourselves the return of what was once mainstream media’s worst nightmare. We went from Chiefs and Swifties arrogance potentially back to New England, specifically Boston in general lording over us all just like they did during the Brady and Belichick Era. While Drake Maye and Mike Vrabel have a long way to go before reaching that status they certainly have restored the identity that made the Patriots great. Doing your job and beating your opponent in every which way. Not to mention this a roster full of players who may lack name recognition but put their goals as a team over their individual accomplishments. I’m looking right at you TreVeyon Henderson and Christian Gonzalez even though both of them are going to be superstars at their positions. The only issue for New England is their lack of playoff experience but as I mentioned earlier remnants and former pieces of the original Evil Empire are still intact (Mainly the Krafts and Josh McDaniels). I see a lot of comparisons to the 1996 Yankees with this team. One that may not have much experience in theory and are looked at more as a feel good story but they still have the ghosts of Gillette Stadium at their backs. All I’m going to say to the rest of the NFL is simple. Be warned, your worst nightmare is about to return from hibernation. (Did I mention that they have Cardi B throwing over fanbases under the bus, mainly those who are eliminated. OH DOCTOR!)
Jacksonville Jaguars (The Coen Tax): This was what many people thought that Jacksonville would be last year. Well guess what? They were a year and a complete overhaul of the organization behind schedule. And funny enough, I didn’t think they’d be all that good this year especially with the haul they gave to Cleveland and many of their key players having serious questions. But as they say, what a difference coaching can do for a team. Liam Coen has not only changed the culture in Duval, but he’s taken them to a level which has possibly not been seen there since 1999. Legitimate Super Bowl Contenders. The ways he revived Trevor Lawrence speak for itself especially since T-Law is in a throwback to his time at Clemson. But here’s where it gets crazy. Travis Hunter is done for the year and Brian Thomas has had a down year. So how would they fill those voids, oh right they have two former Nittany Lions emerging into star players. Parker Washington and Brenton Strange. (I loved those two in State College and Jags fans now you see why) Plus a low key steal of an acquisition in Jakobi Meyers to compliment those two. But how have they won 8 straight with 7 of them being by double digits? Oh right because their defense has turned the clock back to the days of Sacksonville. Josh Hines-Allen and that front seven have been eating O-Lines alive during this stretch, and signs show to that continuing in January. In some ways the only thing that can stop the Jaguars are themselves. If they can keep playing this way, they can and will go far. Now do us all a favor and make us laugh at ESPN for hyping up a certain 1st Round opponent of theirs. (Dan Orlovsky has been gloating about last year’s MVP way too much hasn’t he?)
Pittsburgh Steelers (Myron Cope’s Endless Devil Magic): Wait a second, THEY WON THE AFC NORTH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Further proof that the Freddie Gray Curse in Baltimore does exist) It’s only fitting given how bonkers that division was from start to finish. Pittsburgh’s lucky that they’re getting a chance in the postseason especially since the most expensive offseason by any team in the NFL this year nearly backfired horrifically. Especially with the DK Metcalf suspension at the end of the year. But then Shawn Smith came back to troll Ravens fans for the third straight year on the last day of the season, and they had gobs of REFBALL going in their favor just like every other year since the Immaculate Reception. Aaron Rodgers may be a shell of himself, TJ Watt has been dealing with injuries all season long, and their offense has been held back by injuries and bad play calling, but hey they threw all of their tokens into the luck category. (And no Mike Tomlin isn’t the main source of devil magic, it’s the Terrible Towel. Always has been always will be) All signs of them point to getting destroyed in the Wild Card Game. However, considering that the NFL’s most attractive asset is out of the playoffs, they’re going to do everything they can to have the Steelers go far in the playoffs. Mainly because this would be a sequel to 2005 where they have Rodgers and Cam Heyward playing the roles of Jerome Bettis and Myron Cope. And the Super Bowl is in Rodgers’ hometown. That’ll definitely get the allegations of rigging it for the Yinzers going. (If they pull off a BS run, this league will be more drunk than it ever was)
Houston Texans (A Fearless Swarm): Doesn’t this year remind me a lot of 2018 in some ways. A year where Houston had sky high optimism at the start of the year, only to fall off a cliff with an 0-3 start. But then the tides turned. Once the Texans got past the halfway point of the season they began to turn things up a notch. Rattling off 9 in a row to end the season as one of the hottest teams in football. The only downside for them is that they couldn’t overtake Jacksonville, but hey at least they’ve got something rolling for them. Especially that defense. Will Anderson and Danielle Hunter have consumed opposing QBs whole like JJ Watt and Jadeveon Clowney did before them. Not to mention they have possibly the deepest secondary in the league with Derek Stingley in the beginning of his prime. But for the Texans to have any shot at a Super Bowl for the first time in team history all eyes will be on two things. CJ Stroud and their running game. (Especially the ladder) Stroud since coming back from a midseason injury has picked up the slack at the very least but given his experience in the postseason compared to most of the AFC, he better take his chance at glory and run from it. Also I forgot to mention. You won’t have to face your boogeyman in the Opening Round since they shanked their chances wide right. But you will have to deal with Monday Night YinzerLand. A setting that has not seen defeat in the Heinz Field Era. It’s a tall task for sure as well as winning a road playoff game for the first time in franchise history but if any Houston squad can do it, it’s this one. Good luck anyways.
Buffalo Bills (RIP Ralph Wilson Stadium): I think it’s safe to say that this season has not been kind to BillsMafia one bit. In what looked like a year in which all the stars were aligning for Buffalo to finally take hold of the AFC especially with two other conference foes falling before us, things have gone south for the Bills but not enough to the point where they don’t have a chance at all. The good news for them is that Josh Allen and James Cook are each at the height of their powers but unfortunately in order for them to finally get a chance at a championship, they’re gonna need more than just those two to play at a high level. I’m looking right at the defense. Since Ed Oliver went down early in the season, that unit has struggled against top offensive units all year long. (And they’re getting to face just that in Duval) And with Terrel Bernard being ruled out this weekend, it’s only getting harder for them. And here’s the piece de resistance. Not only did their bad defense and in-game mismanagement from Sean McDermott cost them the division but now it’s put the Bills in a bad spot. Buffalo has not won a road playoff game in 33 years. And Jacksonville has been a massive thorn in their side dating back to Jim Kelly’s final game. If ever there was a time to end those playoff demons away from Orchard Park this would be it. If not, the McKinley Curse adds yet another tortuous chapter to its long line of victims. (I still don’t get why the media still thinks they’re Super Bowl favorites. Oh right because they all have crushes on Josh Allen and that passionate fanbase)
Los Angeles Chargers (Everything’s Complicated): Even if they don’t win a game in the playoffs, the Chargers have definitely earned the right to at least have a chance to prove they’re a worthy competitor in January. Their Offensive Line and Najee Harris have been destroyed by injuries all season, Justin Herbert has been playing through pain all season long, and to the surprise of no one Steve Saunders has learned nothing from his time in both San Francisco and Baltimore with his habits of managing injured players. How did they get here you ask? Their defense. Jesse Minter’s unit has been covering up a ton of flaws this year in terms of coaching and execution. Khalil Mack and Derwin James are still leading the way on that side of the ball even if both of them have taken a beating this year. And I forgot to mention both Ladd McConkey and Quinton Johnston are no longer in Jim Harbaugh’s doghouse either. I don’t expect much out of the Bolts this year due to the circumstances they’ve faced but if they put up a fight against their longtime nemesis in New England, they could gain plenty of momentum going into the offseason especially with over $100M in cap space. (If you let go of Saunders and Roman like we tried to tell you, you’ll be ok) Although house money is certainly an option if you choose wisely.
Seattle Seahawks (The Rise Of The Dark Side): Oh boy. Out of all the teams to end up with the #1 seed, the last I thought among the teams that were considered contenders would be Seattle. Mainly because I thought that their O-Line and Sam Darnold were massive question marks going into the season, and their defense, while it had promise, didn’t have any true game changers. Well guess what? The Seahawks have once again taken the NFC by storm. And wouldn’t you know it the defense has led the way. Legion of Boom, SOS, Dark Side whatever you want to call it. With the way Devon Witherspoon and Tariq Woolen have played this year plus Nick Emmanwori being used the same way that Mike Macdonald used Kyle Hamilton in Baltimore (Ravens you have your answer to the Red Wings choosing Ken Holland over Steve Yzerman) yeah good luck facing that secondary. Speaking of Sam Darnold he’s proven that last year’s run with the Vikings wasn’t a fluke but can he showcase to the world why he was considered a top QB prospect back in 2018? And he’ll have plenty of help to do so. Who needs DK Metcalf when Jaxon Smith Njigba is owning DBs like a boss. (Now you see why I always considered him better than Olave and Garrett Wilson) The only concern I have with Seattle is that they tend to play with their food for stretches of the game. And it could cost them against stronger opponents. As long as they don’t end up like their coach’s former team did in 2019, they’ll be alright. I think. (I know a certain team in LA wants your head big time)
Chicago Bears (Bears. Ben. Sausage. Ditka.): Of course in the season that happens to be the 40th Anniversary of the Super Bowl Shuffle, Chicago comes from the bottom of the pack in the NFC North and backs up all of the trash talking they did at Lambeau during the NFL Draft. You know how Curt Cignetti has turned Indiana from a massive punching bag to one of the most glamorous contenders College Football has seen in decades. You’re seeing the same thing with Ben Johnson in the Windy City. This man has resurrected not only the Monsters of the Midway moniker but also given this franchise something they haven’t had since Jim McMahon. A FRANCHISE QUARTERBACK! Caleb Williams was always seen as a giant mystery box and now he has become exactly what every Bears fan expected out of him. A true dual threat that can beat you every which way. Not to mention he has a two headed monster at every other skill position on offense especially WR with DJ Moore and Rome Odunze. Why do the Bears have one of the best O-Lines in football and the Chiefs have one of the worst? I wonder why? (Well they took Joe Thuney and KC’s O-Line coach) All of this sounds nice but what about their defense? Yes Chicago leads all of football in turnovers but they haven’t really excelled down the stretch unless they’re playing overmatched QBs. Montez Sweat, Jaquon Brisker and Kevin Byard can only do so much. From how I see it they are either reinforcing the narratives of Wisconsin owning all of Chicagoland or they’re going to make it to the Super Bowl. If it’s the ladder, every Cheesehead will be in hell.
Philadelphia Eagles (Football’s Trolling Machine): First of all congrats on banishing the no-repeat in the NFC East storyline especially since it was getting super annoying. Now we’re going to see whether or not the Eagles can become the first team in Philly since the 1975 Flyers to repeat as champs. (And that team in 75 could be very similar to this current Eagle team in the sense that they saved all of their magic for the playoffs) Well it’s not going to be easy at all. The defense hasn’t missed a beat all season long even if Jalen Carter has been fighting injuries and Adoree Jackson hasn’t panned out. You can thank the continued rise of Quintanamo Bay and White Boy Summer. (Plus the long awaited emergence of Jordan Davis into a superstar) But what has me the most concerned for the defending champs? The offense. We all thought Jalen Hurts was on the same level as Mahomes, Allen, and Lamar. Well it hasn’t been that way so far. It also doesn’t help that he and the rest of the offense not only have been held back by Kevin Patullo but WAIT FOR IT the Madden Curse as well. Saquon and AJ Brown can’t cover up every single flaw in this offense. However there is one thing as to why I should be optimistic about the Eagles. We saw this exact same script with Kansas City two years and they trolled us all and went back to back. Knowing Sirianni he’s probably licking his chops at this exact comment. Because if they finally wake up offensively. The rest of the NFC is doomed. (KEEP ON PUSHING! Or shoving if you prefer the Brotherly Shove name over the Tush Push like me)
Carolina Panthers (Really? Them?): Chuck the entire NFC South into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m serious, none of the teams in that division deserve to be anywhere near the playoffs but once again that’s the result of the NFC West feasting on it like the NFC North did last year. As for Carolina this is a squad in which I have no idea who they are. One week they can go toe to toe with one of the best teams in football, the next they’re getting swept in a season series by the freaking Saints. If there’s any one player who best describes the Panthers it’s Bryce Young. One week he looks like a Top 10 QB, the next he gets manhandled to the point where he should be benched. There is no inbetween. Luckily he’s got Chuba Hubbard and Rico Dowdle to work with in the backfield especially if he isn’t sharp through the air. Same thing with the defense, if Derrick Brown is neutralized they’ve got no chance at anything. Something tells me that they’re either getting blasted in the 1st Quarter of Wild Card Weekend or pulling off the most hilarious playoff run I’ve ever seen. And here’s the funny part, they’ve already beaten the team they’re going to face in the 1st Round, but it’s hard to beat a team twice in one season especially if its a non-divisional foe (Well they used to be division rivals in the 90s).
Los Angeles Rams (Stafford’s Last Stand?): For most of the year the Rams looked like absolute locks to make the Super Bowl. Matthew Stafford defeating father time once again, Puca Nucua becoming a generational talent both on and off the field, the renaissance of Davante Adams, a defense near the top of the league in every category. Should have been a done deal. But since December 1, it has been rough sledding for Pokemon McVay. What looked like an easy path to the #1 seed was shot down by Seattle in a 16 point comeback and somehow playing down to their competition against the Falcons. For any chance to make it back to the big game a few things need to happen. Kyren Williams needs to play like he did early in the season, and their defense better wake up after nearly giving up almost 30 PPG down the stretch. Which Rams team will we see? The one that destroyed Jacksonville in London or the one that self-destructed against Carolina. And guess who they’re playing in the 1st Round. If they lose this game, Chris Shula and Mike Lafleur’s chances of getting head coaching jobs will be long gone won’t they?
San Francisco 49ers (Wounded But Resilient): How are these boys still in this thing? A team that lost not one but both of their defensive cornerstones to season injuries, Brandon Aiyuk lives up to the Alvin Harper 2.0 narratives and gets cut from the team, and yet another Injury Bowl consumes them by the end. What’s the answer to that question I asked above? Brock N Roll and CMC. (That and the easiest schedule in football) Both of them are probably the only two players that haven’t been consumed by the Injury Gods and have returned to MVP caliber form. I do have to ask one thing? How is this defense still one of the better units in the league when they’re near the bottom of the league in sacks and forced turnovers? That’s because Robert Saleh is covering up so many flaws with the schemes he’s drawing up. (If he gets another head coaching job, it hopefully will be for a much better run organization than the Jets) However just when it looked like all the stars were aligning for them to not have to travel for the entire postseason they got put on SOS by Seattle in Week 18, and Trent Williams might be out for the Wild Card Game, and they’re going to Philly who wants blood for Week 13 of 2023. Looks like you’re getting 1st Rounded and you’re going to like it Shanahan!
Green Bay Packers (Conflicting Narratives The Team): You know how in the NBA that the Play-In Tournament awards mediocrity like lets say the Chicago Bulls. It’s the same in the NFL with the Green Bay Packers. But unlike Da Bulls, the Packies have a legitimate excuse for always ending up as the 7th seed. Just like last year, injuries have consumed the Cheeseheads whole. Just when it looked like these boys were going to absolutely destroy the NFC with their vaunted defense and balanced offense, key players went down one by one. Tucker Kraft, and Devonte Wyatt, and then the golden god Micah Parsons tore his ACL just like the other two did. Jordan Love and Josh Jacobs have also been fighting the injury, and so has Matthew Golden which has held him back from turning heads as a rookie. Not to mention their secondary hasn’t been any good this year. It’s gotten so bad that they had to bring in Trevon Diggs who has been a shell of himself this year. Normally a team like this should be getting blown out in the 1st Round, but if there’s one thing Wisconsin Sports fans enjoy nothing more on a daily basis it’s roasting the Windy City especially in the playoffs. Jordan Love here’s your chance to join Yelich, Giannis, Rodgers, and Favre as partial owners of Chicago. Don’t mess this up! PAUSE.
The NFL has been drunk all season long. Just when you think you know what’s going to happen and which teams emerge to leave everyone else in their path you don’t. Nothing is guaranteed and everything is wide open for the taking. Flaws among flaws for the entire bracket. Where do we begin?
Prediction: If there’s one thing I’ve noticed in regards to the Super Bowl matchups it’s that the NFL wants clicks and massive storylines. It’s why we kept getting either Brady, Manning, Mahomes, Big Ben or Ray Lewis on the AFC side every year for 25 years running. From how I see it, just like the previous two big games, we’re going to get another rematch. In my opinion the Super Bowl is going to be a matchup that’s going to be summed by four words. BACK TO THE FUTURE. Bears vs Patriots. (Marty McFly and Bill Murray would be pleased) Not only because of narratives and ratings but also due to the fact that both of them have gotten better as the year has gone on and both Ben Johnson and Mike Vrabel will have psychological advantages over their opponents given their balanced attacks on both sides. As long as it’s not a repeat of Super Bowl XL I don’t care what the matchup is. Anyways, THE GLOVES ARE OFF!
Bragging Rights Sports 