The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:
(No Mercy playing)
(ONE SEASON AGO)
“Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! Poe: Whistling (What happened) Michael: Jennifer’s down and she’s holding her left knee. Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Michael: Guys, we have a major emergency and I need all of you to come up to the rooftop now! Marylander: What’s that? Michael: Jennifer is holding onto her left knee and is crying in pain. Kate: NO WAY!
Michael: I know guys, I’m as devastated as you all are, and I know you all want to finish what we started, but I can’t do this without possibly my future wife.
Michael: Cool. Uh I don’t think you’re going to want to hear this but Darkness suffered a serious heart attack and as a result of that he passed away. Kate: YOU’RE KIDDING! Michael: I know. He spent a half hour in the hot tub and unfortunately it cost him his life. Marylander: What are we going to do now? Michael: We’re going to look for his replacement.”
(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)
(For Those About To Rock playing)
(“Pain lasts only until you’re ready to go again.” -Jon Miller)
(AND THESE GUYS ARE READY TO GO AGAIN)
BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS:
A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION
TWO HEADQUARTERS, 8 MEMBERS, ONE GOAL
CHARM CITY BEASTS
FROM HUMAN TO MASCOT
NEVER SAY DIE
(Michael Hession) “WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE!”
(Jennifer Shoemaker) “DRESSED TO IMPRESS!”
(The Salty Marylander) “WE’VE GOT SERIOUS FISH TO FRY!”
(Kate Addison) “DEAD! MAN! WALKING!”
(Poe) “UNLIMIIIIITED!”
(Edgar) “SHAKE AND BAKE!”
(Allan) “EVERYBODY!”
(Violet) “WE CAME TO PLAY!”
(SEASON 6)
(EPISODE 1: Confused)
(“IT’S SIMPLE WHEN GOD IS FOR YOU? WHO COULD BE AGAINST YOU!”)
(“THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE BALTIMOOOOOOOORE!”)
(“WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? NOOOOOOOOOOBODY!”)
(September 1 2025, Bolton England)
Mafia Man: OPEN THE GATES OR DIE! British Guard: I don’t think so. Mafian 1: ATTACK! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Mafia Man: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mafians: LETS GO BUFFALO! LETS GO BUFFALO! LETS GO BUFFALO! LETS GO BUFFALO! British Guard: STOP IT PLEASE WE YIELD! Mafia Man: Good! Now give us the keys to City Hall. (WHOOSH!) Mafia Man: HAHAHA! Mafians: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mafia Man: YO SWIFTIES AND BEASTS! WE’VE JUST CONQUERED ENGLAND, AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP US!!!
(September 2 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters, Miami FL)
“Don’t worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright.” Poe: Whistling (Bright and early today…………..gotta go work out today………..get on the electrical bike and get those legs kicking………….this is why you bring a whole bottle of Saratoga water, it’ll get you through the day…………Ah nice and tasty. Morning Violet!) Violet: Whistling (Hi there handsome) Poe: Whistling (Going to work out too) Violet: Whistling (Yup. Need to get in shape before we go back to the battlefield) Poe: Whistling (I know, we haven’t really been tested in a long time especially since we spent most of the summer getting settled in here in Miami) Violet: Whistling (I love how we have two homes, one in South Beach, and the main one obviously in Baltimore) (SLAM!) Jennifer: EXTRA! EXTRA! Poe: Whistling (What is it Jenn?) Jennifer: THE MAFIAN HORDE HAS LAID CLAIM TO A LARGE PIECE OF LAND IN ENGLAND! Poe/Violet: Whistling (WHAT?) Jennifer: Apparently they saw the Swiftie Empire fail to take over Brazil, and brought most of their army with them to Bolton. Poe: Whistling (Wait, they didn’t go for London?) Jennifer: Well they do have troopers in London. Violet: Whistling (Now where’s Michael?) Jennifer: He’s on the phone with the Salty Marylander.
Michael: This is absolutely borderline ridiculous! Just when we think that the Swiftie Empire is fading, plus on the same weekend where you, Kate and Edgar are invited to a soccer match out there, that comes up. Marylander: I know, it seems like ever since we ruined their attempt to invade the Harborplace Mall last year, they’ve gotten bigger, faster, stronger, and wiser. But you know what? SCREW IT! WE’RE SENDING THE RAVENBOTS OUT THERE TO STOP THEM! Michael: Alright then. Now according to my tracker, Mafia Man arrived back in Buffalo this morning, and left his associate Mafia Girl in charge. Marylander: Isn’t Mafia Man Hailee Steinfeld wearing a mask? Michael: Yes. Marylander: So Mafia Man and Mafia Girl aren’t a couple but rather BFFs. Michael: You would be correct. Anyways I’d like to talk more about this but I’m going to let you go so I can figure out what we should do about this. Marylander: Sounds good, boss. Michael: Bye. Marylander: Bye. PAUSE.
Michael: Alright everyone, and so begins the 30th Season of Ravens Football! First of all I must say that the expectations for 2025 are through the roof. Everywhere you go, there are pundits left and right who are picking the Boys in Purple to make it to the Super Bowl and win it. And why not? Look at the lineup we have coming back. The entire starting offense excluding Patrick Mekari who was considered as the whipping boy of the fanbase for a few years plus Todd Monken is entering Year 3 with a lot to prove. Not to mention they now have DeAndre Hopkins to take the heat off of Zay Flowers and Rashod Bateman. If he becomes Anquan Boldin 2.0 we’ll take it all day. Defensively the talent keeps on coming. They drafted two of the better defenders in the draft Malaki Starks and Mike Green, plus they brought in Chidobe Awuzie and Jaire Alexander to team friendly deals and each of them are low risk high reward moves or so we think. However even with Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry putting up MVP type numbers, the Ravens still have many doubters still lingering especially those on Social Media. Joe Fortenbaugh calling them the Sixers of Football with no true evidence to back it up is one of the many cold takes surrounding this team. The Ravens flaws can best be described like this: Themselves, REFBALL, Rich Stadium, Kansas City Sports Teams, and of course the Curse of Freddie Gray. Not to mention the narrative of John Harbaugh being the NFL’s equivalent to James Franklin. But Harbs is making sure that Zach Orr is in the best hands bringing back Chuck Pagano and Marvin Lewis to help out him and Dean Pees. If Orr fails, well they have three different backup plans. However, here comes the elephant in the room. The NFL making it hypothetically clear that they are going to do everything they can to prevent the Baltimore Ravens from making it to the Super Bowl especially since they don’t have a player/celebrity romance and the media still hates them because of past Lamar narratives and Art Modell screwing over Cleveland 30 years ago. Not to mention they have to have a media darling make the Super Bowl too. And if the early part of the schedule is any indication they will be tested early and often. As long as they don’t perform like the Orioles did this year given how high the expectations were for them, they’ll be alright. But even in the O’s case even though it’s not related to anything going on in this episode, they still have a chance to play spoiler against the Dodgers and it’s the 30th Anniversary of 2131. As long as there isn’t anything wonky taking place during the Ravens game against the Bills and the Orioles game against the Dodgers everything will be ok. I hope so. PAUSE.
(September 6 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters, Baltimore MD)
Jennifer: Give me a beat Violet! Violet: Whistling (Lets do it) Jennifer: ITS SHOEMAKER! (BOOM!) Violet: Whistling (Show me whatcha got!) Jennifer: I SEE YOU! AND I JUST WANNA DANCE WITH YOU! Violet: Whistling (Looking like a pop star there girl) Jennifer: EVERYTIME THEY TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN! JUST WANNA GO THAT EXTRA MILE FOR YOU! YOU’VE BROUGHT THE DISPLAY OF AFFECTION! AH AH AH! FEELS LIKE NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM! BUT YOU! (BOOM!) WE CAN’T GO DOWN LIKE THERE’S NO ONE AROUND! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! (BOOM!) CAMERAS ARE FLASHING WHILE WE’RE DIRTY DANCING! THEY KEEP WATCHING! KEEP WATCHING! IT FEELS I’M PROUD OF SAYING! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (SLAM!) Michael: JENNIFER, VIOLET, TEAM MEETING! RIGHT NOW! Jennifer: Oh come on, I was practicing the dance that you and I are about to do after we take down the Mafian Horde. Michael: Look, I love you, but after what happened last year, I am not falling for that especially after you tore your MCL after we did a practice session before leaving for Buffalo. Although I haven’t seen you all dressed up in a long time, especially now that you don’t have to work at the fashion store your parents own. Jennifer: I still love to throw my enemies off guard, and from now on I’m wearing tights and leggings for extra protection even if it’ll take some time to get adjusted in heels. Michael: Smart. Anyways, let’s go. Violet: Whistling (I wonder what the plan for this weekend is going to be?)
(Immigrant Song playing) Michael: ALRIGHT SQUAD! As you probably know, the Mafian Horde did the one thing that Taylor Swift and her mighty empire couldn’t do, which is place troops in a another country. And now we’re on the verge of ending their takeover bid in England. Allan: Whistling (But what will we do if we beat them) Michael: Peace would be restored throughout that piece of land, although we will put RavenBots out there inside the Tower of London just in case someone else tries a takeover bid. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: Anyways, I think you know what the plan is. Jennifer: You, me, Poe, and Violet will go to Buffalo this weekend, while the others along with a swarm of RavenBots. Kate: Shouldn’t you guys bring RavenBots with you to Buffalo especially since this is their celebration of taking over England? Jennifer: We’re going to be just fine Kate! I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for 8 months, and I’m going straight for Mafia Man. Michael: Ok then. Normally I’d be against this in favor of more troopers to help us and fight fire with fire, but I guess that Jennifer wants to prove that we don’t need the RavenBots to ruin a Buffalo Style Party. Edgar: Whistling (Well right now a large chunk of the Mafian Horde is in England) Marylander: Which is why we need to bring out the RavenBots in our battle. Michael: Good choice. Alright guys, hands in. Listen, no matter what happens, we will come out of this stronger than we’ve ever been. Don’t focus on any distractions, just be yourselves. Got it? Ravens: Whistling (YEAH!) Michael: 1, 2, 3, Beasts: BEASTS!
(ONE DAY LATER, Bolton England)
Mafians: OPEN UP MY EAGER EYES! CUZ I’M MR BRIGHTSIDE! (BOOOOOOOOM!) (Everybody playing) Allan: Whistling (FLOCK NATION! “Everybody!” BIG TRUZZ! “Everybody!” CHARM CITY! “Everybody!” LETS! GO! RAVENS! FLOCK NATION! “Everybody!” BIG TRUZZ! “Everybody!” CHARM CITY! “Everybody” GET! THE PARTY! STARTED!) Marylander: HERE YE! HERE YE! HERE YE! Mafia Girl: Wait a minute isn’t this the Charm City Beasts. Kate: Well sorta, Michael, Jennifer, Poe, and Violet are still back in America. Mafia Girl: Ok then. Marylander: HAMMER TIME! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “And the pitch is hit on the ground, over the mound, fielded right of the bag by Holliday, steps on 2nd one, off to 1st that was easy, double play!” Kate: Edgar loves that Paintball gun doesn’t he? Edgar: Whistling (It’s my bread and butter) (BOOM!) Kate: Uh oh. “First pitch grounded to short, Henderson charges and makes the play, but that’s enough to get the Dodgers on the board.” Marylander: Well it looks like the RavenBots just don’t have it today. Allan: Whistling (YUCK!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Swings, hits a ground ball to 2nd, Rojas flips to 2nd, Betts the turn, that is a double play.” Kate: We brought that many RavenBots, and the Horde is still beating them up. Marylander: Well Kate, the good news is that none of us four have been hit yet, and we have a system back at our Miami headquarters that allows us to spawn more bots. Kate: Well that’s good, but not for the short term. BECAUSE WE NEED MORE RAVENBOTS RIGHT NOW! “Freeman hits one well to right field, toward the wall, off the scoreboard, Freddie is thinking 2, and he’s gonna have it. How about 3? Heads around 2nd, into 3rd sliding safely with a 1 out triple.” Marylander: Oh they think they got away with that one. (BOOOOOOOOM!) “Shallow left, racing in is Beavers, he’ll get there to make the catch! Freeman left stranded at 3rd base.” Kate: Fooled em! Marylander: LASER BLASTER BABY!!! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Edgar: Whistling (Oh crud) “First pitch line drive, and out of the glove of Henderson! Rojas scores, Kike stops at 3rd, and the Dodgers are up 2-0.” Marylander: Those poor RavenBots. (BOOM! BOOM!) I can’t wait to see what Michael thinks of this when we get back to America. Allan: Whistling (That training session he’ll give them back in Miami will be brutal) “Yamamoto has not given up a hit through 6 innings.” Mafia Girl: YOU CAN’T STOP US NOW! Your RavenBot idea has blown up in your face! “He belts it into left field. That ball is gonna be, past a diving left fielder Beavers it goes to the wall. Rortvedt touches third, he’s gonna score. Betts around 2nd. He’s on his way to 3rd, the relay is dropped, and Mookie is in with a triple. The Dodgers lead it 3-0.” Mafians: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Marylander: The RavenBots may not have worked out, but all four of us are still alive. Mafia Girl: What makes you think that you’re going to stop us now that your most trusted source of weapons are in a pile of dirt? “Swung on and missed, Strike 3 Got Em! 8 No Hit Innings, for Yoshinobu Yamamoto.” Marylander: Well the four of us are all capable of the extraordinary. Mafia Girl: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are out of your mind sir. “First pitch swung on, hit in the air to center field. Justin Dean camping out under it. He makes the catch, and Yamamoto is one out away! DO YOU YIELD! (Right Here, Right Now by Fatboy Slim playing) “BRACE YOURSELVES, FOR SINCE WE HAVE GONE SO FAR WE CAN GO NO FARTHER. NOW IS THE TIME. THE FUTURE IS TO THOSE WHO TAKE IT. WHAT WE DO IN LIFE, ECHOES AN ETERNITY. STRUGGLE, SURVIVAL. WE WILL BE PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE GAME.” Marylander: WILL! WE! EVER! QUIT! Edgar/Allan/Kate: NOOOOOOOO! Mafia Girl: Is this some joke you’re telling!? Kate: Mafia Girl, you’re about to be in for a straight up ass kicking from what we’re about to unleash on you. Mafia Girl: Oh I’d love to see it, OMG. NOW YOU DIE! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Holliday to right field, that ball is hit deep, at the wall, it’s gone!” Marylander: COME ON GUYS KEEP IT UP! WE CAN DO THIS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Jackson Holliday breaks up the no hitter.” Kate: Their ice guns did some damage to our RavenBots, but the fire guns always win in these spots. (BOOM! BOOM!) “Double, Hit By Pitch, Walk, and that’s following the home run by Holliday.” Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE TIME! Allan: Whistling (Keep it up crew!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Cowser takes a breaking ball low, he walks in a run, the Orioles are within 3-2.” Marylander: Mafia Girl, you’re a great competitor and I’d just like to say, YOU’RE STANDING ON THE TRACKS WHEN THE TRAIN IS COMING THROUGH! Kate: Finish her! (Shout (Let It All Out) playing) (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) Mafia Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! “Rivera swings, line drive, base hit center field! Here comes Mateo, rounding 3rd, heading home, here comes the throw, IT’S OVER!!! (SPLASH!) THE ORIOLES HAVE DONE THE UNTHINKABLE!” Marylander: WE! ARE! BAAAAAAAAACK! Edgar/Allan/Kate: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander: The Mafian Horde’s takeover bid of England is over, and now things will return to normal at least for their part, for now. Edgar: Whistling (So now their celebration later tonight back in America will be all for naught!) Marylander: OH YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT WILL BE! Kate: Salty Marylander. Marylander: Yes Kate? Kate: I think it’s time. Edgar: Whistling (HERE IT COMES! IT’S HAPPENING!) Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Allan: Whistling (Wow! Did that just happen?) Edgar: Whistling (It did bro. My bro just had his first kiss!) Kate: He sure did. I told him that we were due for one. Edgar: Whistling (I can’t wait for Michael and Jennifer’s reaction to this) Kate: Yup. Their claim as the only couple on this team to have kissed even though they’ve done so probably hundreds of times is dead. Marylander: Yup it is. Well we took down one half of the Mafian Horde, let’s see how the others fare in their return trip to Buffalo. Allan: Whistling (Does that mean Poe and Violet are due next) Kate: It could be.
(Ninja Music playing) Michael: Guys we’re right back to where we were at the end of Season 5. Except this time, one half of the squad isn’t with us, and Darkness is now dead. Violet: Whistling (At least I’m here) Michael: Yes you are Violet. Now, we control our own fate. I don’t know what’s going on over in England but I do know one thing. Jennifer has been waiting for this opportunity since her horrific injury and now she gets her chance at redemption. Jennifer: I have done just that my love. And I’ve got extra leg protection as well to go along with my trademark dressy looks. Poe: Whistling (You still look gorgeous) Jennifer: Yup Poe. Well its chilly up here even for this time of the year. But I’m a tough girl. Michael: Just what I wanted to hear. Now guys, LETS GO!!!
Mafia Man: Doesn’t it feel so good to have huge bases in both America and overseas? Mafian 1: I know, we’re about to become the most powerful army in the world. Mafia Man: TAKE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT! Mafians: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Ball So Hard playing) Michael: OH IF IT ISN’T THE MAFIAN HORDE AGAIN LOOKING PAST THE TASK AT HAND! Mafians: THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Michael: Alright Mafia Man, you might be putting all of your attention into the Swifties, but right now, you’ve got us to deal with! Mafia Man: You guys are so… why is there only 4 of you, and who’s the new girl? Violet: Whistling (Me, I’m Violet) Mafia Man: Uh nice to meet you Violet. Anyways. Michael: You don’t wanna know. Mafian 2: Let me guess, you sent the others to England to try and hunt down our British fortress. Jennifer: YES! Mafians: ITS THAT SHOEMAKER GIRL AGAIN! COME AND DATE ME! Michael: Jennifer may have torn her MCL the last time we crossed paths, but she’s still as focused as ever. Poe: Whistling (And it looks like they didn’t learn from when she tried to dress up like its Prom Night) Michael: Thats right I forgot about it. Thanks for reminding me Poe. Mafia Man: Anyways, in all due respect Michael, NOW YOU’RE GONNA GET IT! Michael: Alright then. Jennifer: ATTACK!
(BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “From the 10, Codrington, DOWN THE SIDELINE! Near midfield as Loop pushes him out of bounds.” Mafia Man: DOUBLE TEAM VIOLET! “On 2nd Down, Allen looking, end zone, touchdown! Into traffic!” Mafian 3: WELCOME TO THE SHOW MISSY! Poe: Whistling (DON’T YOU DARE MESS WITH MY GIRL!) (BOOOOM!) “3rd & 8, Jackson, trying to get away, trying to escape, cannot do it! Ed Oliver!” Mafian 3: You were saying? Poe: Whistling (I need a hand buddy) Michael: Gotcha covered Poe. (WHOOSH! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Loop, has a big leg, and nails his first field goal.” Poe: Whistling (We still have those magnets eh?) Michael: Yup, and they’re very effective. Jennifer how are we doing downstairs? (Can’t Fight The Moonlight playing) Jennifer: I have no idea how to explain this, but all of those troopers they sent towards me want romance. Michael: Then kick em where it hurts with those heeled miniboots you have on. Jennifer: ALRIGHT! “Jackson will keep it, outrace Bosa, outrace Bernard, and get a 1st Down.” YA! HUH! WAKA WAKA! YA! Mafians: OOOOOOH! AAAAAAH! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: I GUESS YOU NEVER LEARN DO YOU! KICK EM WHERE IT HURTS! Jennifer: YA! “Toss Henry, through the secondary! Henry to the end zone! Touchdown.” Michael: OH YEAH! Now thats more like it. Poe: Whistling (Boss they’re coming for you!) Michael: No problem. (BOOM! BOOM!) “Now part of this Ravens outfit, Henry patient, powerful, and taking off! Another big Derrick Henry run! To the 20, to the 13 yard line.” Poe: Whistling (Looks like you shotgunned em hard) Michael: Yeah I did. I know you play Fortnite a lot Poe, and any time I see that term I start to giggle. Poe: Whistling (Don’t blame you. TIME FOR ANOTHER SHOTGUN BLOW TO THE HEAD!) (BOOOOOM!) “Hill remains the back, Jackson keeps left side, got a great block from his Tight End! And takes it for a touchdown!” Michael: You called it. Poe: Whistling (I did. Okay Violet stop hugging me and go help out Jennifer!) Violet: Whistling (Oh my bad) (BOOM!) “The 41 year old veteran, in his 19th year in the league. Knocks it through.” Poe: Whistling (What did I just say?) Violet: Whistling (Ok) (Don’t Cha playing) (BOOM! BOOM!) “And here comes more, inside the 40, to the 37 yard line.” Michael: Shoemaker doing Shoemaker things. Poe: Whistling (They underestimated how effective she’d be) Michael: Yup, they didn’t realize that you carved up a massive healing spell while she was recovering from surgery. Poe: Whistling (Thats why she didn’t need crutches once she was released) Michael: Yup, just look at her go. Jennifer: HAVEN’T YOU HAD ENOUGH! YA! HIGH YA! “Operation clean, and Loop one more time, knocks it through.” Mafia Man: I’ve done enough hiding now. TIME TO MAKE MY MARK! “Allen, no rushes, throws, and they get it and get out of bounds at the 25 with Kincaid!” Mafians: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: Oof that hurt. Poe: Whistling (You okay buddy) Michael: Yeah I’m alright, now watch out.
(BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (Crud, they got me too) Mafia Man: WE’RE BACK IN IT NOW EVERYBODY! Michael/Poe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: Oh yes! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! “The Bills bring late pressure, Jackson throws to Zay Flowers, crossing, Flowers accelerates, almost gets all the way, Rapp brings him down.” Poe: Whistling (Flex on them buddy!) (BOOM! BOOM!) “The fake to Hill, the throw to Flowers, who got a terrible block and will score!” Michael: Always go with the fire guns when you are hiding in a dark corner. Violet what’s going on over there? Violet: Whistling (Why am I the one getting picked on) “They were so good from this spot last year, Shakir stumbles, Allen looks flinging, end zone, it is, flag on Palmer.” Michael: Could that have been just great! Jennifer: What’s wrong. Michael: You wonder why I’m getting such little attention, its because they’ve picked on Violet. Jennifer: Well then, why don’t you go and help her? “From the 2, its Cook, inside for the Buffalo touchdown.” Michael: I’m doing exactly that. Violet! Violet: Whistling (What?) Michael: I’m coming to help you right now. Violet: Whistling (AWESOME!) Mafians: HEY YOU LITTLE BIRDY! YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM US! Michael: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! “Lamar Jackson, 1st Down, Zay Flowers having a big game, and now a lot of space, Flowers in the open field, all the way to the 32 yard line.” Violet: Whistling (Perfect timing Michael) Michael: You may have picked on the Beasts newest member, but you’re getting the headmaster at her side now. Poe: Whistling (Please make this work) Jennifer: FIREBALL! “He is having himself an Opening Night, Lamar, laid it up for Hopkins, ONE HAND! The veteran’s still got it! DeAndre Hopkins touchdown.” Michael: Where did that come from! Jennifer: It was me! Poe: Whistling (DA! DA DA! DA DA DA! DA DA! DA! DA DA DA! DA! DA DA! DA DA DA! DA DA! DA! DA DA DA!) Mafia Man: FIREBALL MY ASS! Michael: Oh dear. (WHOOSH!) “Off in time, here comes the blitz, get rid of it to Cook, if he can get past that he’s got space, and there he goes! Cook 20, 15, 10, WHAT A RUN! Cook, down at the 1 yard line!” Jennifer: Oh, NOT A BOOBY TRAP FULL OF SPIKES! AAAH! “Allen fakes it to the back of the end zone, he’ll take it himself, for the touchdown.” Poe: Whistling (I see something) Michael: What is it? Jennifer: He’s got a remote controller in his hands, and if we take that away from him, they’ve got nothing left. Violet: Whistling (I’VE GOT IT!) Mafians: NOOOOOOOOOO! “They love bringing 4, and leaving a spy on Jackson, who’s in trouble, gets away, escaping, got a lot of room, there he goes! 1st Down, Lamar and much more!” Violet: Whistling (What do I do now?) Michael: Just push one of the buttons! Poe: Whistling (PUSH IT!) (BEEP!) “Gain of 19, he probably gained around 60 on that one, here goes Henry, quiet in the 2nd Half, NOT ANYMORE! Henry another touchdown!” Mafians: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Violet: Whistling (What did I just do?) Michael: Well you sent them into a black hole. Jennifer: WE DID IT! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: Now where’s that nightclub that they have in their headquarters. Michael: Oh, here she goes again. Poe: Whistling (She’s totally looking for romance now eh?) Michael: Great.
Violet: Whistling (Now where’s the jukebox, oh here it is) Jennifer: Hehehe. I’ve waited 8 months to finally kill off the Mafian Horde, and we’ve done it! Michael: Well we still don’t know what’s going on overseas but for now, it looks like they’re down for the count. Jennifer: Indeed they are. Michael: Its been a while since I’ve seen you break out the romantic voice eh? Jennifer: Yes. Michael: Ok. Jennifer: Hehehe, c’mere. Poe: Whistling (Oh boy) Both: MWWWWWWWA! MWWWWWWWWWWWA! Violet: Whistling (One day that’ll be me and Poe) Poe: Whistling (Not now Violet, just let me enjoy watching my two best friends love it out) Violet: Whistling (Alright then. I think Jennifer wants that dance) (Gimme More playing) Michael: Not now, not now. I’m not in the mood for this. Jennifer: Come on, it’ll be fun. Michael: I just don’t think I can… WOOOOOOOOAH! Jennifer: Hehe. “EVERYTIME THEY TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN! JUST WANNA GO THAT EXTRA MILE FOR YOU! YOU’VE BROUGHT THE DISPLAY OF AFFECTION! AH AH AH! FEELS LIKE NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM! BUT YOU! WE CAN’T GO DOWN LIKE THERE’S NO ONE AROUND! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! CAMERAS ARE FLASHING WHILE WE’RE DIRTY DANCING! THEY KEEP WATCHING! KEEP WATCHING! IT FEELS I’M PROUD OF SAYING!” (BOING!) Beasts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) PAUSE.
“Gotta spread out, two Ravens pursuing Allen, throws, deflected and caught by Coleman on the tip for 6.” Michael: Oh god we landed in Niagara Falls, and we’re stuck on a canoe boat. Jennifer: Well at least, the Horde is dead, and everything should be safe and sound. Poe: Whistling (Now lets just hope the huge waterfall isn’t on the horizon) (Stormy Shore playing) Michael: OH MY GOD! “HENRY LOST THE BALL! And the Bills have recovered!” Jennifer: Paddle quickly! Violet: Whistling (COME ON NOW!) “Allen taking a shot, downfield! ITS HAULED IN!” Michael: PADDLE FASTER! “Allen, reaches over the pylon, or the goal line for the touchdown.” Beasts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (BOOOOM!) Michael: Ugh, at least we didn’t get super soaked. Jennifer: ENOUGH TALKING LETS GET OUTTA HERE! Beasts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: Back to team headquarters! NOW!
(5 HOURS LATER)
“Here it is, the throw to Coleman, is broken up by Nate Wiggins.” Michael: Ah we’re home. Now let me guess, the others still haven’t come back yet. “Flowers in motion, the Bills bring a blitz, the throw is caught, but stopped shy of the 1st Down.” Jennifer: I don’t think we have any food. Poe: Whistling (URK!) (DING DONG!) Marylander: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO! Michael: Wait did you guys take down the army the Mafian Horde sent out to England? Kate: YES! Allan: Whistling (IT WAS AWESOME!) Jennifer: LONG LIVE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (WHOOSH!) Mafia Man: HELLO THERE! “Baltimore brings some pressure, and Allen, its caught, on the run, Keon Coleman, tripped up at the 9 yard line!” Beasts: MAFIA MAN! Michael: I THOUGHT WE KILLED YOU! Mafia Man: OH NO YOU DIDN’T! That button you pressed was meant to send us to a Black Hole, but in reality it transported us to the basement of our headquarters. Not to mention the dancefloor at our nightclub has giant springs that can launch people thousands of feet in the air. Jennifer: So thats why we were stuck at Niagara Falls. Mafia Man: YES YOU WERE! Marylander: WELL IT SUCKS FOR YOU SINCE YOUR BRITISH TERRITORY WAS DESTROYED! Mafia Man: You may have ended our reign on England, BUT THE MAFIAN HORDE SHALL LIVE ON! Mafians: NICE TRY LOSERS! YOU TRIED AND YOU FAILED! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Michael/Marylander: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “From 32 yards, Prater, made it! And the Bills pull of the miracle!” PAUSE.
(Journey To Rome Part 1 playing) Michael: UGH! We may have won the battle in England, but unfortunately we had no idea that the Horde hadn’t fully been killed off. Jennifer: What else could we have done? We had no idea that they had booby traps because we were literally there back in January. Michael: Its my fault, I thought we could handle them without the RavenBots, and we did, until we got finessed. Marylander: Its ok boss, we at least prevent them from an overseas takeover, its not the end of the world. Michael: But I would have wished that the whole army was dead so that we could focus all of our attention towards the Swifites. Kate: I hear you, but look on the brightside, we won our battle in England and the Salty Marylander and I had our first kiss. (My First Kiss playing) Jennifer: YOU WHAT!? Michael: WAIT A MINUTE! YOU GUYS KISSED!? Are you sure about that? Kate: Yes. Michael: I thought you guys were just friends and nothing more. Kate: We were, but things changed. Marylander: And no one was more excited to watch that than Edgar. Edgar: Whistling (My BFF finally gets his moment in the sun) Michael: Well it looks like Poe and Violet are going to be desperate for a signature moment now. Although they did look good. Marylander: Thats great. The good news is that, the next time we face those rotten Buffalonians, they’ll be thinner than they were coming in. Michael: Well we said that last year, and they made it tough on us before Jennifer’s injury. Marylander: True. Jennifer: Guys, I have an idea. Since we’re fresh off of a hard fought battle with the Mafian Horde, I think its time we try and steal Taylor Swift’s engagement ring. Michael: They’res just one problem Jennifer. Jennifer: What? Michael: ITS ON TAY-TAY’S FINGER! (DA! DA!) Jennifer: WHAT? THEY CAN’T BE ENGAGED! Michael: Yes they are, and the Engagement Party is in 3 weeks. Jennifer: THEN WHY DON’T WE GO THERE AND SPOIL IT! (Tubthumping playing) Michael: You know what, I actually like that idea. We may not steal their ring, but we can always ruin a great Swiftie Party. Marylander: YES SIR! Time to get to work everybody. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! “I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN! I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN! I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN! I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!“
(CHARM CITY BEASTS)
Bragging Rights Sports 