When you think of early September there are three words that consume us all. BACK TO FOOTBALL! The most intriguing time of the calendar year has come as everyone is getting their hopes up for another insane season involving the NFL. The AFC in particular is insane on its own. Especially considering that it’s been dominated by the Swiftie Empire in Kansas City. The question right now is simple? Who will kill off the Wicked Witch of the West at the 13th hour? OH BOY! (Whoever does just that will have its entire city blast No One Mourns The Wicked on every radio station for days on end. Just what the Football Gods needed to see)
Buffalo Bills (A New Era Looming No Pun Intended): Despite last year’s devastating loss to Patient Zero in Arrowhead, 2024 was a massive step up for the Bills in what was considered a rebuilding year. Now the expectations of a Super Bowl are once again kicked back into high gear. This time around they are hoping for several breakout seasons to make them a fully fleshed out unit once again. I’m looking right at Keon Coleman and Dorian Williams among others. Josh Allen is in his prime but it can’t just be him, James Cook, Dalton Kincaid plus the best O-Line in the AFC. They’re gonna need the defense to mature in order to finally get to the big game. (Fortunately for BillsMafia they overhauled the defense in the draft in a huge way) You know what’ll help? Bringing in Joey Bosa on a 1 year prove it deal. At least they didn’t drink the stupid juice with Bosa even though they are now forced to eat the rest of Von Miller’s awful contract. And Tre’Davious White is back after a year long vacation in LA and Baltimore. I know with a QB like Allen, the window will always be open but this year feels absolutely critical. Especially since this is the last hurrah of Rich Stadium. You know how their rivals from New England sent out Foxboro Stadium with a title after years of agony only to build a dynasty in the new digs. BillsMafia wants to do just that. Although there is one major concern (DA! DA! DAAAAAAAAAAA!) The Hard Knocks Curse and a potential Hallmark Series. OOOOOOH! Now that’s spicy I tell you. (Also Sean McDermott must overcome the shadows of his old boss and McKinley Curse. Not easy)
Miami Dolphins (Paper Kitties): Every year with these guys is the same script. High flying Run and Shoot offense, mostly relying on the health of Tua and Tyreek Hill, that gets undone by a terrible defense and not being able to play in bad weather especially in Buffalo and New England. (The front seven is solid, the back end YEAH!) This to fans in South Beach can best be described as the Marino Special. You know what I find fascinating. Miami extends Jalen Ramsey last year during the season then trades him in the offseason and is forced to eat the rest of that contract (Jonnu Smith was also shipped off in that deal). But hey there is good news. Minkah Fitzpatrick is coming home! And he’s going to be hung out to dry in that secondary because he’ll be surrounded by a bunch of sieves. The question I have now is how long will both Mike McDaniel and Chris Grier last in Miami? McDaniel is probably the best coach they’ve had since Don Shula but knowing Stephen Ross he might be out if there isn’t a return trip to the playoffs. The Dolphins do have the longest active drought of not winning a playoff game, and Ross wants that narrative to die ASAP. I just hope for Tua’s sake that he’s able to stay healthy for most of the year. Given how much that man has gone through, the Football Gods better not take it out on him.
New England Patriots (Operation Revive The Empire): Lets pretend last year never happened shall we. Just when we thought that the Patriots would become the punching bag of the AFC East for the next decade like they were in the Victor Kiam Era, we were all fooled again. Turns out that Robert Kraft realized that he needed to bring back the old Patriot Way and his answer was to lure an old face from the early Belichick years back to lead the way. Mike Vrabel has a massive chip on his shoulder after being lowballed by the Titans back in 2023. And it’s not just him who’s coming back. Josh McDaniels has returned for his 3rd stint as New England’s OC. You know what that means? Load up on players who have said chips on their shoulders. (This was what made the Patriots the dynasty that they were) Stefon Diggs coming off a torn ACL to fill the WR1 void, Harold Landry coming off a career year for the defense, plus three new starters on the Offensive Line. Drake Maye needs all the help he can get especially now that he has the keys to Ferrari. (Kyle Dugger and Jabrill Peppers, GET OUT!) And fortunately the retooled regime has done just that. The pieces are in place to make it back to the playoffs for only the 2nd time post-Brady and give Buffalo a run for their money. Speaking of TB12 he got a new statue outside Gillette Stadium and spent no time trolling Jets fans again. Speaking of the Jets…
New York Jets (The Growing Fields Of Agony): Remember all of the optimism coming out of North Jersey 24 months ago? Those ambitions were shot down because of their own doing. You can blame Aaron Rodgers all you want, Jets fans but as long as Woody Johnson is in charge, you’re going to be spinning the hamster wheels of the basement of the AFC East. It doesn’t matter they extended Sauce Gardiner and Garrett Wilson, the ButtFumble narratives are going to live on every which way. Look I don’t mind you guys bringing in Justin Fields but at $20M a year for a guy who had one good year in Chicago? And you paid Brandon Stephens a man who was a merchant of Mike Macdonald $15M a year? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! You better hope to the Football Gods that the O-Line isn’t a mess and that Fields meshes well with Breece Hall or else it’s going to be another long season for Jets fans. All eyes are going to be on Aaron Glenn. I know most people think this an outstanding hire but just like Robert Saleh who was carried by Nick Bosa, Glenn I feel like was carried to relevance by Aidan Hutchinson (Look at how bad the Lions D was after he got hurt last year). Don’t deny it Greeny you know this is the hard truth! (He probably does especially after he got fooled by Rodgers last year)
Baltimore Ravens (All Hands On Deck): This is it! Everything is trending towards the Raven Empire regaining its rightful place atop the NFL Mountain after a 13 year wait. (They want to stake their claim as “Franchise of the Century” don’t they?) The entire starting offense plus Todd Monken is back from last year, and they’re hoping that DeAndre Hopkins turns into the 2nd coming of Anquan Boldin. And on defense oh doctor is it loaded with talent. They not only drafted two potentially generational players in Malaki Starks and Mike Green, but they signed Jaire Alexander to a team friendly deal in an attempt to regain his All Pro form. However even with possibly a roster that rivals the 1958 and 1959 Colts headlined by Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry, the Ravens still have many doubters still lingering especially those on Social Media. This team’s biggest issues are simple. Themselves, REFBALL, Rich Stadium, Kansas City Sports Teams, and of course the Curse of Freddie Gray. (In other words; The Penn State Nittany Lions of the NFL) But as I mentioned last year. The Ravens are in a step by step phase just like it was leading up to their last title season. In 2023 they showed the nation that they could thrive in the playoffs, and last year they finally exorcised the Yinzer demons after losing 12 of 16 to them at one point. Now they want the whole damn thing. (Or at least beating the Chiefs or ending Rich Stadium at minimum) What’s John Harbaugh’s response to try and overtake Earl Weaver in Charm City lore? (DA! DA!) Bringing back Chuck Pagano and Marvin Lewis to help out Zach Orr and Dean Pees. Not bad. We all know that the NFL is going to do everything they can to prevent Baltimore from making it to the Super Bowl especially since they don’t have a player/celebrity romance and the media still hates them because of past Lamar narratives and Art Modell screwing over Cleveland 30 years ago. Do you really think that Steve Bisciotti cares about those narratives? N.O. (They’re gonna bring out Sabrina Carpenter to perform at halftime on Thanksgiving Night aren’t they. Well that’s one way to quiet the Swiftie narratives and fire up Flock Nation)
Cincinnati Bengals (NFL’s Six Flags): Ah yes the franchise that always goes for the mystery box that pretends that they are hot shots when they have tons of flaws both on the field and throughout the organization. If you thought that Cincy’s defense last year was bad, oh do I have news for you. Two of their longtime cornerstones on that side of the ball in Germaine Pratt and Sam Hubbard are gone. (Plus Lou Anarumu got fired. Boy could that be a long term mistake) And Shemar Stewart nearly held out to the point where he almost considered going back to Texas A&M for another year. Luckily that didn’t happen. Speaking of holdouts, Trey Hendrickson once again is in a contract dispute and Mike Brown won’t give him what he wants. Nevermind, the Bungles gave him a pay raise just for this year. Well if they did extend him long term this team would be strangled into long term Cap Hell especially with some of their DBs also being due for extensions. Spoiler alert, Brown did give him a pay raise. This team is literally 3 players. Joe Burrow. JaMarr Chase. Tee Higgins. (Shades of the 2018-21 Edmonton Oilers) The rest of the team is full of unknown commodities. Keep saying you’re a Super Bowl Contender when in reality you have a flawed roster who’s stuck in the same situation that doomed them in the Carson Palmer Era (And the Ken Anderson Era). That’s what happens when you invest 50% of your cap into 3 players. If they prove me wrong this year, I’m going to be eating a tremendous amount of crow aren’t I. (You can accuse me of being biased all you want, but deep inside you know what I’m saying is true)
Cleveland Browns (Old Habits Never Die): The Browns last year suffered arguably the most agonizing season in football last year. They were done the moment they got destroyed by Dallas in Week 1. Now that they are strapped into Cap Hell because of said $230M fully guaranteed contract given to Deshaun Watson, Cleveland is forced into playing the long range game (And Watson isn’t coming back this year either). No, I still am in shock that Myles Garrett got paid $40M a year to remain in the Factory of Sadness. I would say the same for Nick Chubb but he’s off to Houston. Quite ironic. Nothing screams vintage Jimmy Haslam more than putting together another massive QB controversy. They not only drafted Dillon Gabriel in the 3rd Round, but they did the unthinkable. THEY DRAFTED SHEDEUR! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Poor Mel Kiper) And the media is begging Kevin Stefanski to start him. Too bad for them, they brought back Joe Flacco and are giving him a chance to pick up where he left off in 2023. (If Haslam were in charge, he’d start Sanders in no time) The only differences are that Amari Cooper and Bill Callahan are no longer with the team. If there’s any good news for the Dawg Pound even if this year is another dud it’s that the haul they got from Jacksonville in the Travis Hunter all but saved Andrew Berry’s job. (If Mason Graham becomes a stud, well there you go) Speaking of the Browns front office, they’ve announced that they’re leaving FirstEnergy Stadium and are planning to build a fully domed stadium in Barea. Well it looks like they’ll be stuck in the basement of the AFC North until the end of time. That or when Haslam sells the team to someone who isn’t as meddling as he is.
Pittsburgh Steelers (Discount DAAABLE Check): The Steeler Way must be overhauled they keep saying. Even though their treatment towards their coaches and executives will never change, it won’t stop Pittsburgh from going big game hunting. And by that I mean trying to copy the 2000 Washington Redskins in regards to getting the Pro Bowl team from 5 years earlier. DK Metcalf, Darius Slay, Jalen Ramsey, and Arthur Smith’s favorite pet in Jonnu Smith are now on board. The cost? “FIGHTIN’ ROUND THE WORLD” George Pickens and Minkah Fitzpatrick. (The Raven fan in me is relieved that those two guys are gone because my gosh did they give me problems) But what about the QB situation. They couldn’t resign either Russell Wilson nor Justin Fields since they were swooped up by the two gongshows of the Meadowlands. I wonder what their solution to this saga will be? (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) OH DEAR GOD! They are literally putting all of their eggs in the basket of 41 year old Aaron Rodgers. And because of that the Yinzers are now gloating about how they’re going to run roughshod over the AFC. This is the ultimate boom or bust team given all of the name brands they now have on the roster plus a freshly extended TJ Watt. (There was no way they were letting him go at any point) This is either going to be the first losing season of the Mike Tomlin Era or the best team Pittsburgh has seen in 15 years. There is no other way to put it. I mean even if Cam Heyward gets struck by Father Time this year at least you drafted Derrick Harmon. (CRACK!) And he’s out for a month. Looks like Watt and Highsmith are going to have to bail out Tomlin yet again.
Houston Texans (HouSteph Texans): The Texans are one of those teams right now that is hard to judge among the teams that have serious playoff ambitions. I mean they did win the AFC South and a playoff game last year but now we get to the point where fans should expect more out of these guys. (If only Baltimore and Kansas City didn’t keep tormenting them Golden State Style on a regular basis) I mean they overhauled the WR room just in case Nico Collins or Tank Dell isn’t at full strength by getting a low risk high reward receiver in Christian Kirk. (Weird saying that about him) You could say the same for RB as well since Joe Mixon’s Achilles heel has been injuries. But don’t worry H-Town, you brought in Nick Chubb to try and take the load off of Mixon (And they added CJGJ for their secondary) I’ll give you that. Although if this team is going to overcome the narrative of being an AFC South merchant, CJ Stroud is going to need plenty of help from his Offensive Line. Laremy Tunsil getting traded to Washington doesn’t help one bit. Well at this point Stroud’s going to be running for his life out there if Houston isn’t careful. All I can say is that if they can’t take advantage of a weak division, both DeMeco Ryans and Nick Caserio will be in hot water in no time even if it isn’t their fault. This is what the NFL does to you.
Indianapolis Colts (Irsay Can’t Ride Bikes Anymore): The winds of change have struck Naptown. Jim Irsay surprisingly is dead. Honestly, for as good of an owner as he was, especially compared to his father in his prime, you have to admit that he was past his expiration date by the time 2024 hit. (It’s crazy that I’m praising one of the Irsays. Well at least Jim was good at hiring especially during their golden age) And with that being said this could be getting to the point where the Colts could finally use a deep and long rebuild. Especially when it comes to the executive branch. As for the team itself, they are at a crossroads. Shane Steichen is a good coach who’s covered up a ton of flaws on this team but how much longer until he gets exposed? Well luckily for him they replaced Gus Bradley with Lou Anarumu. But what about the offense? Anthony Richardson or Daniel Jones? An injury prone QB who is a glorified FB, or an injury prone QB who was carried to relevance by Saquon. What was the choice? Daniel Jones. Welp get out the tanks Indy, no Jonathan Taylor or Michael Pittman to save you this time. And honestly it’s for the best. (If that happens it better be enough for Chris Ballard to get the boot)
Jacksonville Jaguars (A 2 Way All In Push): You know how some teams want to usher in a new regime by making a big splash. That’s what we’re witnessing right now in Duval. In one of the most stunning turn of events this offseason, Jacksonville traded their entire future to move up 3 spots to select what possibly could become the modern day Deion Sanders. That man’s name. Travis Hunter. Ironic since Deion was his coach in college. This couldn’t have come at a better time for Trevor Lawrence because for as talented as he may be he can’t do this on his own. Well that is him and Brian Thomas. Are they going to give him a line? No they aren’t because they overpaid for perennial playoff choker Patrick Mekari and let go of Cam Robinson. (Man did he get on my nerves a ton) The Jags are a team that is in win-now territory, especially since their first two picks next year are property of the Factory of Sadness. Really you are giving that franchise hope of all things. The question I have with these guys is simple. Is Liam Coen going to change the culture of this team into an exciting wide open attack or is he going to prove that he was carried to relevance by Baker Mayfield. A mystery box of a team in every sense of the word. Does the agony end, or will we laugh at Duval yet again? I’m betting on the ladder.
Tennessee Titans (A Fading Adelphia Coliseum): It’s almost as if every Titans fan is making a point that is very complicated. In their minds taking out Will Levis and his turnover friendly habits for a QB with any kind of pure talent will guide Tennessee back to being playoff contenders. Well they did land the #1 overall pick in the draft in Cam Ward. And they’re letting him wear Warren Moon’s #1 jersey as well. That’s bold. Well if there’s any good news for Ward it’s that Brian Callahan helped develop Joe Burrow in Cincinnati and their banking on the same thing happening here as long as his WR room or Tony Pollard let him down throughout the season. (A revamped O-Line may end up helping out but why did they overpay Dan Moore) To me the Titans are a Wild Card. If everything works out they have a shot to win the AFC South. If not, it’s back to the basement for them yet again. Also remember how Trey Hendrickson might be out of Cincy? They could be big buyers for him especially with Callahan’s familiarity. (If Ward pans out, all of their old rivalries especially with Baltimore and Pittsburgh will heat up again) and he went back to the Bungles for another year. Oh but what about Micah Parsons? (BUZZER!) Beaten to the punch again. Too bad.
Denver Broncos (Hopium Reigns Supreme): Doesn’t it feel good to not have to talk about having the longest playoff drought in the NFL not named the Jets? It sure does. Last year the Broncos went from expecting to compete for the Tank Bowl to making the playoffs thanks to an elite defense that dominated even without Justin Simmons. You know how you make that unit better? By adding two former stalwarts of the 49ers defense in Dre Greenlaw and the Tasmanian Devil in Talanoa Hufanga to go along with returning studs Zach Allen, Nik Bonitto and last year’s DPOY in Pat Surtain. Now if the Broncos are going to emerge into Super Bowl Contenders this year, all eyes are going to be on Bo Nix. In his rookie year he showed flashes of what he could be at this level but was madly inconsistent. They did add JK Dobbins to the backfield to try and take some pressure off of Nix, I’ll give them that. The grace period is probably up after this year which means if Denver takes a small step back this year. Both Sean Payton and Mount Walmart will want heads placed on a tee.
Kansas City Chiefs (Deus Ex Machina; The Team): Ah yes, the team that is doing everything they can to overtake the Cowboys as America’s Team. I mean the Hunt Family has been based in Dallas for decades. (Plus Mahomes lives in Texas during the offseason) The ERAS Tour may have ended in a beatdown thanks to Kelly Green Machine, but the Chiefs are going to make sure that they get another chance to redeem themselves in the big game. It won’t be easier since their entire division is loading up to try and stop them, and Rashee Rice now must serve a 6 game suspension. And one of their top acquisitions in Jaylon Moore is out for the year. (Plus Joe Thuney is gone too. Not good) Looks like they’re putting all of their eggs in the basket of 1st Round pick Josh Simmons on that Offensive Line. On paper Kansas City is vulnerable compared to the past few years, but hey they still have the core pieces of this dynasty and they’ll always have the aid of REFBALL because God Help Us All. At least for one more year since this is probably going to be the last ride of Travis Kelce (With his contract being up at the end of year plus he’s going to be 36 later this year, It makes sense). Now how is the NFL going to rig it for them this time? (BOOOOOM!) (End Game: Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift announce engagement) OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, CAN SOMEBODY IN THE AFC KNOCK THESE GUYS OFF FOR ONCE IN THEIR DAMN LIVES! JUST ONE TIME PLEEEEEEASE! (If Baltimore, Pittsburgh, or Buffalo knocks them off: NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!)
Las Vegas Raiders (Some Culture Change): The Raiders after a disastrous 2024 season have chosen to do the one thing that they should have done after Jon Gruden was forced out by the NFL. Go through a complete culture overhaul. (YoYo Sound) WHAT AM I KIDDING! They’re doubling down on copying another team’s culture. Instead of trying to regain their identity from the Al Davis Era, Vegas has decided to try and skin Seattle alive. (They failed to skin the Patriots alive, now they must do so with the Seahawks. GREAT!) They hired Pete Carroll out of retirement, traded for Geno Smith who has a massive chip on his shoulder this time around, and drafted a potential generational talent in Ashton Jeanty who they hope will become the next Beast Mode. (Well Marshawn Lynch did play for the Raiders at the end of his career) Defensively it seems like Vegas is trying to do what they did in their glory years which is revive the careers of players near their 30s. Germaine Pratt, Devin White, and Jeremy Chinn come to mind. This is either going to be another silver and black disaster or the return to excellence that RaiderNation has been talking about for years. Maxx Crosby and Brock Bowers can only do so much. If this backfires again, they might need to make Tom Brady the sole owner of this franchise because he may know how to get out of the mess they’ve dug for themselves.
Los Angeles Chargers (Consumed By Romans): The Chargers are a hard team to judge right now for obvious reasons. They made the playoffs last year but some will argue that was due to having a 4th place schedule with no expectations. Now in Jim Harbaugh’s 2nd year, the Bolts are looking to pick up where they left off, especially on defense. They may not have many name brands besides Khalil Mack and Derwin James, but they are a crew of hard workers who never take days off. Even better news for DC Jesse Minter, it’s that the offense is either adding more weapons for Justin Herbert or bringing back longtime faces of the franchise. JK Dobbins and Gus Edwards may be gone but in comes Omarion Hampton and Najee Harris. The team may lack WR depth and Quentin Johnston hasn’t lived up to the hype, why not bring back Keenan Allen and Mike Williams. (BUZZER!) And then Williams retired right before Training Camp (We all know who was behind that nonsense) Once again the question has to be asked. Can Justin Herbert overcome the hacks known as Greg Roman and Steve Saunders? Well considering that his blindside is out for the season, plus top offseason acquisition Mekhi Becton has also been injured on the O-Line, it’s going to be a challenge no matter what. Although Herbert is good enough to overcome that as proof a year ago. PAUSE.
In theory the AFC is a very predictable conference especially near the top, but towards the middle it could be up for grabs. Alright, predictions anybody.
AFC East
- Bills 12-5 #3
- Patriots 11-6 #6
- Dolphins 7-10
- Jets 4-13
AFC North
- Ravens 13-4 #1
- Steelers 11-6 #5
- Bengals 9-8
- Browns 5-12
AFC South
- Titans 10-7 #4
- Texans 8-9
- Jaguars 5-12
- Colts 4–13
AFC West
- Chiefs 12-5 #2
- Chargers 10-7 #7
- Broncos 9-8
- Raiders 5-12
AFC Wild Card
#3 Bills over #6 Patriots
#2 Chiefs over #7 Chargers
#4 Titans over #5 Steelers
AFC Divisional
#2 Chiefs over #3 Bills
#1 Ravens over #4 Titans
AFC Championship
#1 Ravens over #2 Chiefs
Bragging Rights Sports 