Charm City Beasts (Season 5) Episode 13: Darkness Falls And Violet Arrives

The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:

(Good Morning Baltimore playing)

BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS

A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION

“Ladies and Gentlemen, and friends, and fans, The Baltimore Ravens!” “BALTIMORE!”

Michael Hession, Jennifer Shoemaker, The Salty Marylander, Kate Addison, Poe, Edgar, Allan, with Darkness, and Violet

“We are here to win, that’s our #1 goal period end of story. And my dream is to wake up in the morning and the Super Bowl Trophy is sitting in my nightstand, in my house and I get to nudge my wife and say look this is ours this is what we earned through our effort. How great will that be?” “NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO!”

“Now begins the journey.”

“HELL YEAH COACH LETS GO FOR IT!”

“What if they told you this was your last football game?”

“What if they told you this was the last time that you would wear this uniform?”

“How would you play?”

They ain’t gonna give it to you! We gotta take everything that they worked for!”

“There’s no place…… LIKE BALTIMORE!”

“WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? NOOOOOOOOBODY!!!”

CHARM CITY BEASTS!

SEASON 5, EPISODE 13: Darkness Falls And Violet Arrives

(June 5 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters, Miami FL)

(BOOM!) Jennifer: GETCHA GETCHA YA YA DA DA! (BOOM!) GETCHA GETCHA YA YA HERE! (BOOM!) MOCO CHOCO LATA YA YA! (POP! BOOM!) CREYA LADY MARMALADE! (BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Renegade playing) Poe: Whistling (TEAM MEETING! TEAM MEETING!) Jennifer: OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS HAPPENING! Poe: Whistling (Our rivals in YinzerLand are out for blood) Jennifer: I wonder how Michael and the Salty Marylander are going to react to whatever nonsense they’re up to in Pittsburgh. Poe: Whistling (I know) Darkness: Whistling (Are we going?) Jennifer: Yes we’re coming. Poe: Whistling (Ever since we finished building this place, you and Darkness have consumed that rooftop dance floor.) Jennifer: Yes we have, it’s too bad you and Michael don’t come up here more often. Poe: Whistling (I know) Michael: Well well well. Looks like the Ravens are about to fly under the radar. Darkness: Whistling (How so) Michael: Salty Marylander are you there? Marylander: Yes I am boss, I think we got everything hooked up now over here in Baltimore. Michael: Good. Anyways, the reason I’m calling a team meeting is to inform you that our dreaded rivals in YinzerLand made a move that has headlines written all over them. Marylander: The Steelers just signed DISCOUNT DAABLE CHECK!!! So the brats are on them. Beasts: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! PAUSE.

Michael: It’s about time that Pittsburgh signed Aaron Rodgers after months of speculation. Marylander: I’m more surprised that they let go of George Pickens right before this ended up happening. Michael: Well here’s the thing, Pickens is another player with character concerns. Marylander: How so? Raven Bros: Whistling (BORN IN ALABAMA IN 2K1, A HOT-HEADED PLAYER NAMED GEORGE PICKENS, HE LOVES TO PLAY, BUT HE LOVES ONE THING MORE; FIGHTIN’ ROUND THE LEAGUE. HE FIGHTS HIS TEAMMATES AND HE FIGHTS HIS FANS, IT’S A PROBLEM NO ONE UNDERSTANDS; IF THERE’S TWO HE LOVES, IT’S FIGHTING AND…FIGHTIN’ ROUND THE LEAGUE. DROPPING PLAYERS, CRASHING OUT, AND FIGHTIN’ ROUND THE LEEEEEAGUE. GEORGE PICKENS) Kate: Isn’t that the Russell Crowe theme from South Park. Marylander: Yes it is Kate, but nonetheless it perfectly describes why the steelers had enough with him. Edgar: Whistling (BUT IT DIDN’T STOP THEM FROM GETTING ANOTHER DIVA IN DK METCALF! UUUUUUUUGH!) Allan: Whistling (Well he became a diva by getting engaged with Normani) Marylander: I get that, but didn’t he have issues with Mike Man last year? Michael: He did. So now they’re putting all of their eggs into a 42 year old QB, TJ Watt in a contract year, most of his supporting cast on defense in the beginning of a decline. Jennifer: No true bell cow since Najee Harris left for Ravens West. Michael: Yup, and they still have issues with their O-Line. Marylander: Not to mention the ringmaster known as Mike Tomlin. Michael: There’s that too. Poe: Whistling (This is perfect for us!) Michael: How so Poe? Poe: Whistling (All the talk will be about Rodgers, Burrow, and Shedeur while Lamar and company will fly under the radar) Michael: That’s a great way to look at it. I remember when the Jets traded for Rodgers back in 2023. How ESPN was all but handing them the AFC Title despite all of their flaws on the Offensive Line and Robert Saleh being carried to relevance by Nick Bosa in San Francisco. Marylander: It’s one of the few times I’ve ever laughed at someone getting hurt. Michael: No wonder. Just watch those media pundits pick the Steelers to win the division because of Rodgers and how no team has won the AFC North three years in a row. Poe: Whistling (I wonder what the Ravens are going to do to respond?) Michael: Great question Poe, I see us making a bold move to bolster the defense that is. Poe: Whistling (Jaire Alexander if he ends up getting cut by the Packers and he was Lamar’s roommate at Louisville) Michael: We’ll see.

(2 WEEKS LATER)

“Breaking news, Jaire Alexander is heading to the Baltimore Ravens on a 1 year $6M deal after the Packers cut him earlier this month.” Poe: Whistling (YAHOO!) Michael: WOW! Poe: Whistling (I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU BUDDY!) Michael: Yes you did. Poe: Whistling (Where’s Jennifer and Darkness?) Michael: They’re probably on the rooftop area right now. Poe: Whistling (Should I call them down to tell them the news?) Michael: Go ahead Poe. Poe: Whistling (Yes……. I’VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL FEELING! EVERYTHING’S GOING MY WAY!) (My Boo playing) Jennifer: Uh, I really wish that Michael was more available to come here with me. Darkness: Whistling (Well he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do) Jennifer: I know but I can’t dance by myself up here on a regular basis. Darkness: Whistling (Then tell him Jennifer!) Jennifer: AT NIGHT I THINK OF YOU! I WANT TO BE YOUR LADY BABY! IF YOUR GAME IS ON GIMME A CALL BOO! IF YOUR LOVE IS STRONG I’M GIVING IT ALL TO YOU! (BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! For Whom The Bell Tolls Playing) AGAIN? Poe: Whistling (JENNIFER, DARKNESS, WE JUST SIGNED JAIRE ALEXANDER!) Jennifer: You’re serious? Poe: Whistling (YES I AM!) Jennifer: Alright, where’s Michael? Poe: Whistling (Here he comes!) Michael: Guys we got him. Jennifer: LAMAR’S REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD! Michael: Nailed it on the head. Darkness: Whistling (The Steelers may have swapped Minkah Fitzpatrick for Jalen Ramsey but who cares, that’s not important) Poe: Whistling (A wiseman once said, THIS IS THE YEAR WE GO ALL THE WAY! ALL THE WAY! Poe/Darkness: Whistling (ALL THE WAY! ALL THE WAY! ALL THE WAY!) Michael: Well Lamar told Eric DeCosta yesterday that if he had the chance to get Jaire “GO GET EM!” and they did. Poe: Whistling (I mean look at our secondary) Michael: Marlon Humphrey, Kyle Hamilton, Nate Wiggins, Chidobe Awuzie, Malaki Starks, and now Jaire Alexander, OH DOCTOR! Darkness: Whistling (What about ArDarius Washington?) Michael: Torn Achilles, out until the playoffs at the earliest. Darkness: Whistling (Crud) Jennifer: I’m so excited to see what that defense looks like. Michael: I know, hey remember when we brought back Dean Pees last year and Chuck Pagano this past winter? Jennifer: It turns out that Marvin Lewis is also back as a Ravens Senior Advisor? Jennifer: How do you know? Michael: When Jon Gruden was visiting the Under Armour Performance Center not too long ago, he was chatting with Harbaugh and Marvin during practice. Jennifer: Interesting. I guess that Zach Orr still isn’t ready yet. Michael: Uh, could be, although in my case they’re trying to overhaul the defensive coaching staff in order to bring back the old Ravens Way. Poe: Whistling (ORGANIZED CHAOS!) Michael: Exactly, we need to go back to forcing turnovers in the playoffs and getting pressure on the QB at all costs. Poe: Whistling (That and not getting screwed by REFBALL) Michael: Well we might face that either way. But still I like what I see. 

Jennifer: Hey Darkness, why don’t you head back to the DJ Booth. Darkness: Whistling (Alright) Jennifer: Michael I can’t let you and Poe head back downstairs without having a little dance sequence. Michael: I knew you were going to say that, and right now I’m not in the mood for… Both: MWWWWWWWWA! Jennifer: There? Michael: There. You just had to kiss me didn’t you. Jennifer: Uh huh. Now will you dance with me? Michael: I have no choice. Except I get to pick the track. Darkness: Whistling (You want a throwback?) Michael: Yes. (I Was Made For Lovin’ You playing) Darkness: Whistling (Is this good) Michael: Go for it. Poe: Whistling (TIME TO HIT THE GRIDDY!) Michael: Ok Poe, I see you. It might be in the 90s down here in South Beach but that won’t stop you from being able to enjoy yourself in the heat. Poe: Whistling (I may be covered with feathers but that doesn’t bother me one bit even when it’s hot) Michael: You’re one cool looking bird. Poe: Whistling (Yes I am buddy) Michael: WOAH! Hm. I don’t know what just came over me Jennifer. Jennifer: Let’s have a blast! (BOOM!) “I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN’ YOU BABY! YOU WERE MADE FOR LOVIN’ ME! AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOU BABY! CAN’T YOU GET ENOUGH OF ME!” (BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (I always forget we still have that pyro system up here) Darkness: Whistling (Yup. I feel like every time people who ride by on the water are like why is there fireworks smoke hovering over us? It’s usually because of Jennifer literally owning the dance floor.) Poe: Whistling (It’s so cool that not only is she so gifted but she also has great leadership to compliment Michael) Darkness: Whistling (They’re like a match made in heaven) Poe: Whistling (Which is why when we restore peace in this land, they’ll finally tie that knot and get married.) Darkness: Whistling (Look at them go!) (BOOM!) “I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN’ YOU BABY! YOU WERE MADE FOR LOVIN’ ME! AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOU BABY! CAN’T YOU GET ENOUGH OF ME!” (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! PAUSE.

Michael: OH NO! OH NO! Jennifer: What happened? Michael: Darkness collapsed on himself and is lying on the floor. Poe: Whistling (WHAT DO WE DO!) Michael: I don’t know, from what it looks like he may have suffered a heart attack. Jennifer: Do we send him to the hospital? Michael: We have the RavenBots, remember? Jennifer: Oh right, some of them are doctors and provide health care. Michael: I’m hoping that Darkness is ok.

(A FEW HOURS LATER)

(Harden My Heart playing) RavenBot Nurse: You probably will dread the news about Darkness but he passed away a few minutes ago due to being in a cardiac arrest situation. Michael: What exactly caused this? RavenBot Nurse: He had high blood pressure from spending too much time in the hot tub according to the system. Michael: How long was he in there? RavenBot Nurse: 30 minutes. Michael: Ugh. Alright from now on the maximum time anybody can spend in that hot tub is 10 minutes. I’d prefer 5 minutes. RavenBot Nurse: Ok Mr Hession. Jennifer: Michael, I don’t know what I’m going to do now that I don’t have my favorite DJ. Michael: Don’t worry, we’ll find a replacement for Darkness. We’ll look around the country to find someone who can fill that void of being our DJ and an excellent crime fighter. Poe: Whistling (Until then Jenn Jenn, at least you’ve got me to keep you warm) Jennifer: Thank you Poe. Michael: I need to call the others and tell them the news.

Marylander: Hey boss! Michael: How are we doing? Marylander: I’m doing good, Edgar and Allan are slugging it out in MLB The Show. Michael: Cool. Uh I don’t think you’re going to want to hear this but Darkness suffered a serious heart attack and as a result of that he passed away. Kate: YOU’RE KIDDING! Michael: I know. He spent a half hour in the hot tub and unfortunately it cost him his life. Marylander: What are we going to do now? Michael: We’re going to look for his replacement. Marylander: Wasn’t this weekend supposed to be the 5th Anniversary of when this show was launched? Michael: Yes, but I think now we should push that back to when we’re about to go to Buffalo in September when we’re all settled and have no horrible distractions, knock on wood. Marylander: Alright then. Michael: I just hope Edgar and Allan will be ok when they hear this news that their little cousin is now dead. Marylander: It’ll sting but like you said, we’re going to have a backup plan. Michael: We will.

(TWO MONTHS LATER)

Michael: UUUUUUUUUGH! Poe: Whistling (What’s wrong buddy) The Orioles are frustrating the hell out of me. Poe: Whistling (How so) Michael: They had a 3rd out all but handed to them yet the A’s scored 5 runs in the inning after that mistake. Poe: Whistling (Not good. Do you mind if I change the channel?) Michael: Yes, this game is all but over even if it’s the 5th inning. Poe: Whistling (Cool) Michael: I know, it sucks that the O’s have underachieved this season, but thank goodness we’re about to be back in play in a month. Poe: Whistling (I know right) Michael: Whatever you say. Poe: Whistling (OH MY GOD!) Michael: Now what? “I! I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!” Poe: Whistling (SHE’S SOOOOOO GOOD LOOKING!) “I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!” Michael: Poe why are you acting lovestruck? Poe: Whistling (ESPN just showed the new mascot of the Golden State Valkyries who they just unveiled) Michael: Oh right, they’re the newest franchise in the WNBA. Poe: Whistling (THEIR MASCOT IS A RAVEN NAMED VIOLET!) Michael: Interesting. Poe: Whistling (WE HAVE TO GET HER ON THE TEAM RIGHT NOW!) Michael: I mean it’s been two months since Darkness died of a heart attack and we haven’t found his replacement yet. Poe: Whistling (Is that a yes?) Michael: Well Poe, you and I need to go out to the Bay Area to give this girl a tryout for the Beasts. (The Call playing) Hey Jennifer! Jennifer: Yes my love. Michael: Poe and I are going to San Francisco this weekend. Jennifer: Why there? Michael: Our potential replacement for Darkness is out there according to Poe and he convinced me to give her a tryout. Jennifer: What’s her name? Michael: Violet. Jennifer: I really hope for your sake that this works out because I haven’t been up to the dancefloor on the rooftop since Darkness passed away. Michael: That’s one of the things I’m testing her out for. Poe: Whistling (THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!)

(August 15 2025, Chase Center, San Francisco CA)

“FOR THE BEAT AND THE BROKEN! FOR THE LOST AND FORSAKEN! LET US NEVER SURRENDER! MAY WE RISE UNTO THE CALL! FOR THE BEAT AND THE BROKEN! FOR THE LOST AND FORSAKEN! LET US NEVER SURRENDER! FOR THE GLORY AND THE FALL!”  Poe: Whistling (This place looks amazing) Michael: Poe I’ve been in this building before and I’m telling you it’s awesome. Especially on gameday. Poe: Whistling (It’s very quiet right now but I get where you’re coming from. Security Guard: What are you guys doing here? Michael: Uh, we’re here to see Violet. Security Guard: You know you’re not supposed to be here but I’ll follow you to where her room is. Poe: Whistling (SWEET!) (KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!) Violet: Whistling (Hello?) Michael: Is this Violet? Violet: Whistling (Yes, who are you and what are you doing here) Michael: I’m Michael Hession, the leader of the Charm City Beasts, a superhero team based in Baltimore and Miami and not too long ago we lost a key member of our team Darkness to a heart attack, and we’ve been looking for his replacement. Violet: Whistling (That’s too bad) Michael: So with that being said, we’d like to try you out for the team. Violet: Whistling (I’m in the middle of the season and I’m kinda busy right now, but thanks for asking) Michael: Maybe this will change your mind. Violet: Whistling (OH MY GOSH!) Poe: Whistling (IT’S REALLY HER!) “I! I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT! THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING YOU SAID! I! I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!” Violet: Whistling (Violet) Poe: Whistling (Poe) Violet: Whistling (You look so handsome) Poe: Whistling (Thanks. Destiny has come knocking) Michael: So is that a yes? Violet: Whistling (I WOULD LOVE TO TRY OUT!) Michael: ALRIGHT LETS GO! Poe: Whistling (Please tell me this girl has got some skills)

Michael: Alright Violet. Let me go over some of the Basics of the Beasts as I like to call it. Our mission is simple. Restore peace across the land by defeating the Swiftie Empire, Dunne Dynasty, and Mafian Horde just to name a few. We were short handed last year but thanks to the addition of an army of RavenBots we now have the guns to take these armies on. But with Darkness no longer being with us, it’ll be on you to fill that void if you end up having what it takes. Violet: Whistling (Alright) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Violet: What’s that noise? Michael: That’s just some of the RavenBots that Poe and I brought with us to help out with the training. ALRIGHT LETS SEE WHAT YOU GOT!

Violet: Whistling (YA!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: Woah! Look at all the Paintball damage you just gave the RavenBots. Violet: Whistling (I came to play today) Michael: That’s one phase. Now can you dodge the Paintballs getting shot? (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (LOOK AT HER GO!) Michael: Incredible! We know what you can do from a talent, but the other half of replacing Darkness is being an excellent DJ. Violet: Whistling (Ok, lets see whatcha think) Michael: Run it. (Charm City Beasts theme playing) Michael: Oh, she even knows our anthem. Poe: Whistling (YESSSSSSSS!) Violet: Whistling (How about a little twist.) “OH WE’LL GO! WE’LL GO! WE’LL GOOOOOOOOO! OH LET EM KNOW! LET EM KNOW! LET EM KNOOOOOOW! OH WE’LL GO! WE’LL GO! WE’LL GOOOOOOOOO! OH LET EM KNOW! LET EM KNOW! LET EM KNOOOOOOW!” (BOOM!) Michael: WOW! My goodness. Poe: Whistling (This is everything I ever wanted. You’ve gotta say yes) Michael: Just let her finish. Violet: Whistling (And to cap it off) (BOOM!) “HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT! THIS!! TOWN!!! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!)” Michael: YESSSSSSSSSSSS! Poe: Whistling (C’mere!) Michael: Violet, Welcome to the Charm City Beasts. It’s official, you’re one of us now. Violet: Whistling (THANK YOU SO MUCH!) Poe: Whistling (Give me a beat Violet!) Michael: What are you doing Poe? Poe: Whistling (FREED FROM DESIRE! VIOLET’S HERE AND SHE IS MINE! FREED FROM DESIRE!) Michael: Now I just wanna watch some Penn State Hockey again. Poe/Violet: Whistling: (​​DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA-DAAA! DA-DA!)

(August 18 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters, Baltimore MD)

(Ride of the Valkyries playing) Michael: What’s up everyone! Marylander/Raven Bros: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: That’s great. After weeks of searching we have found our successor to the late great Darkness. Poe and I went out to the Bay Area and we were blown away, especially Poe by the things this bird could do. Without further ado it is my pleasure to introduce to you all the newest member of the Charm City Beasts, the mascot of the Golden State Valkyries of the WNBA. Poe: Whistling (HERRRRRRRRRES VIOLET!) (Smoke Detector) Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Kate: You didn’t just poach a mascot from another league? Michael: We did because she’s a Raven, is incredibly talented, and Poe obviously had a crush on her. Kate: Oh I see. Anyways, good addition. Violet: Whistling (Thank you for the reception) Poe: Whistling (You’re welcome darling) Marylander: So not only do we get a new team member, but Poe now has a new girlfriend doesn’t he. Poe: Whistling (Yup, it was all part of the plan) Michael: Well that’s his side of the story, my side of it was she not only was awesome in terms of having basic physical talent, she’s just as good if not better as a DJ. Also I convinced her to replace the orange glasses she had on when we first saw her, AND NOW SHE’S GOT PURPLE SHADES AND A RAVENS OUTFIT! Poe: Whistling (OOOOOOH!) Jennifer: Looks like Violet and I will be up on that rooftop at our Miami headquarters almost every day, AND YOU BETTER COME UP HERE AND DANCE WITH ME! Michael: Ugh, I knew you were going to say that. Kate: So that means the only ones on this team that aren’t in a serious romantic relationship are Edgar and Allan. Edgar/Allan: Whistling (WHO CARES! SAVING THE LAND AND RESTORING PEACE IS PRIORITY ONE!) Michael: You better believe it. Also, WHO’S READY FOR THOSE 1990S THROWBACKS! Raven Bros: Whistling (WE ARE!) Jennifer: You wanna bring these out for the rematch with the Mafian Horde? Michael: Yup. I’m not sure if those will be worn by the Ravens during the 2025 season, but we’re definitely wearing them for a battle or two. Marylander: OLD SCHOOL! Michael: And that’ll do for Season 5 of this never ending drama and to cap it off, I think it’s only fitting that Violet gets to ask us a question. Violet: Whistling (WHO HAS IT BETTER THAN US!) Beasts: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!

(CHARM CITY BEASTS)