Charm City Beasts (Season 5) Episode 10: A HEARTBREAKING BLOW

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCLUSIVE PRESENTATION OF BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS:

(Where The Streets Have No Name playing)

“After being challenged in ways we couldn’t have imagined.”

“Things are different this year, especially here.”

“A place that epitomizes all we’ve been through, and all we hope to be.”

“We may have been knocked down, but we will get back up.”

“THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE BALTIMORE!”

(BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS)

“This is a place where different backgrounds and beliefs converge.”

(A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION)

“We’re a city that is defined by resilience, and fueled by what’s possible.”

“LISTEN TO ME! WHEN GOD TELLS YOU SOMETHING! BELIEVE HIM! BELIEVE HIM!”

“And God’s powers give way to a ray of hope.” (Michael Hession)

“Hope that we will defend the place that we built from the ground up.” (Jennifer Shoemaker)

“Hope that we can accomplish the goals that we set out to achieve.” (The Salty Marylander)

“Hope that nothing will hold us back from where we want to go.” (Edgar)

“And hope for our team and city to rally together as one.” (Allan)

“Those who define what it means to be a Raven.” (Poe)

“Have that never say die mindset every single day.” (Darkness)

“The reality is this. (Kate The Great)

THIS IS THE TOWN WHERE OUR HOPES BECOME REALITY!”

“WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” 

CHARM CITY BEASTS!

(Season 5) Episode 10: A HEARTBREAKING BLOW

(January 12 2025, Buffalo NY)

Mafia Man: BillsMafia, I’m proud to announce that we are all going up to Kansas City in two weeks to overtake the mighty Swiftie Empire. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mafia Man: And even better news, this coming weekend, since it’ll be our last chance to really have team bonding. We’re holding a Winter Formal at the Convention Center downtown where everyone in Buffalo is invited! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mafia Man: HEY HEY! Crowd: HEY HEY! Mafia Man: HEY HEY! Crowd: HEY HEY! Mafia Man: LETS GO BUFFALO! Crowd: LETS GO BUFFALO! Man: LETS GO BUFFALO! Crowd: LETS GO BUFFALO! Mafia Man: WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU RATHER BE Crowd: THAN RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!

(Charm City Beasts Headquarters, Baltimore MD)

(Everybody Wants To Rule The World playing) Michael: OH BOY WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THE NEWS COMING OUT AT THIS VERY MINUTE! Jennifer: THEY’RE PUTTING THE GOAT BEFORE THE WAGON! Poe: Whistling (What is it?) Jennifer: The Mafian Horde and Swiftie Empire have agreed to have what many people consider to be the Battle of a Lifetime in 2 weeks. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander: THIS IS BORDERLINE RIDICULOUS! Jennifer: That was the first major part of the headline. The second part was that the Horde is holding a Winter Formal this Sunday Night at the Buffalo Convention Center, which they consider to be their pump up party for the big battle with those dreaded Swifties. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: ALRIGHT! In their eyes, this will be one of the best parties that they’ve attended in their lives. Which leads me to this. Jennifer, do the honors please. Jennifer: WE’RE GOING TO BUFFALO TO RUIN THEIR FORMAL THIS WEEKEND! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: That’s right! They’ve got their minds so focused on slaying the dragon, yet they gotta deal with the Charm City Beasts before they even get the chance at Tay-Tay. Kate: Have we faced these guys before? Jennifer:  We have. Kate: And? Jennifer: We absolutely embarrassed them on Blackout Night back in late September when they tried invading the Harborplace Mall downtown. Marylander: Fun fact, their leader Mafia Man actually is Hailee Steinfeld wearing a Transformers costume with Bills colors and having an auto generated deep voice. Kate: I did not know that. So now that I’ve come on board, we should be fine. Michael: Well Kate, not only have we gotten stronger since then, but so have they because Hailee was able to install a new dish which controls their troops. Plus they mauled the Swiftie Empire when they tried attacking their secret layer back in November. Jennifer: Wow, it looks like this is going to be a battle. 

Anyways, since we’re attending a formal, I think it’s only fitting that the Raven Brothers should do a Just Dance skit for this week. Michael: Good idea Jennifer. So the rules of this are simple. Highest score wins. And like last week this is worth 2 points. I can tell that Allan is very antsy right now. Kate: His energy is UNLIIIIIMITED! Michael: Kate save that for later. Alright what song did they pick? (Let’s Get Loud playing) Marylander: Oooh that’s a good one! Michael: Darkness must be a master evaluator of music given that he’s our DJ while being our secret weapon in battles. Marylander: Alright let’s see what they’ve got. “LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP LET’S DO IT! COME ON PEOPLE LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP TO HEAR THAT SOUND! LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD!” Michael: Looks like Allan is at the top right now, but Poe is right on his tail. Marylander: Interesting that they picked one of the harder songs in the game, so it’s no surprise that the standings are the way they are. Michael: Nevermind, Edgar has come out of nowhere to take the lead. Marylander: I didn’t think Eddie was this good. Michael: I feel like he must have practiced quite often I tell you. Marylander: Darkness is on a 20+ combo streak. Michael: THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING! Marylander: If we knock off the Horde I have a feeling this will be their victory dance. Michael: Agreed. “LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP TO HEAR THAT SOUND! LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD!” Michael: THIS IS ONE OF THE CLOSEST RACES WE’VE SEEN A SKIT COMPETITION FIELD IN A WHILE! ALL FOUR OF THESE BIRDS ARE NECK AND NECK! WHO’S GONNA PULL AWAY IN THE END! “LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP TO HEAR THAT SOUND! LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! AIN’T NOBODY GOTTA TELL YOU WHATCHA GOTTA DO!” (Smoke Detector) Michael: And the results are in, Kate what was the final standings. Kate: In 4th place, Edgar. In 3rd Place, Darkness In 2nd Place, Poe. And in 1st Place, Allan. Allan: Whistling (LETS GOOOOOOOO!) Michael: The Energizer Bunny does it yet again in the Just Dance skit! Marylander: In a situation where fatigue sets in, he rarely gets rattled. Michael: Indeed, speaking of Allan, he’s with Jennifer. Jennifer: Allan, how were you able to make it through such a close race till the bitter end. Allan: Whistling (I just had to keep control of the Wii Remote which is Priority 1. And I just kept an upbeat attitude the whole time) Jennifer: You’ve always had insane amounts of energy over the years especially in these more complicated skits. Where does this come from? Allan: Whistling (I’m just like Michael. I never have a bad day, and I am always excited for whatever challenge comes my way) Jennifer: Hehehe, thanks again. Allan: Whistling (You’re welcome. UP TOP!) (SLAP!) PAUSE.

Marylander: WE’RE FROM THE TOWN WITH THE PLAYOFF CHOKERS! THAT BEING THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS! LAMAR AND HENRY WILL RUN YOU OVER! GO OUT AND GET THEM RAVENS! Michael: Hehehe. I love the troll job you did via a measure of the PA/Steeler Polka. Marylander: You gotta love it do you? Michael: Absolutely. What the Salty Marylander just sang perfectly represents what happened this past Saturday Night. In the words of Kyle Van Noy, the game was over right when the Steelers decided to receive the opening kickoff instead of deferring towards the 2nd Half. Marylander: It was the ultimate sign of disrespect. THEY WANT TO RUN IT DOWN OUR THROATS ON THE OPENING DRIVE ONLY TO GO 3 AND OUT! Michael: And then, the Ravens went 95 yards soon thereafter. Marylander: How about Monken dialing up King Henry as the option QB with Lamar going in motion. Michael: Even better news for us, exactly 5 years after he stiff armed Earl Thomas, Henry stiff armed Minkah Fitzpatrick the same way. Marylander: OH YEAH! NOW HE’S OURS NOW! Michael: I know. Another cool stat to know is that the Boys in Purple are 9-0 this year when Rashod Bateman has scored a TD. Marylander: A lot of people, myself included, thought he wouldn’t break out the way he did. Well thank god we were wrong. I know you weren’t, you were as patient about him as anyone. Michael: I indeed was my good man. Then came the drive that basically finished off the Steelers for good. 13 plays, 13 runs, 85 yards in over 6 minutes, and King Henry capped it off with a TD to make it 14-0. Marylander: WE DIDN’T RUN THE BALL ENOUGH! WE’VE GOTTA RUN THE FOOTBALL MORE! Michael: Bo Schembechler would be pleased at such a statement. For the 1st 30 minutes of the game, Baltimore’s defense held Pittsburgh to just two 1st Downs and 43 yards of total offense. Marylander: ORGANIZED CHAOS IS THE NAME OF THE GAME! Michael: Not even a healthy George Pickens could save them from that statistic. Up 21-0 at halftime the Ravens looked to be in firm control, but in a rivalry as dramatic as this one, there always has to be a turn. In the 3rd Quarter. Russell Wilson and company finally woke up and marched down the field for back to back touchdowns. Marylander: BUT SANDWICHED IN BETWEEN THEM WAS KING HENRY RUNNING ROUGHSHOD YET AGAIN! Michael: I mean, look at the 45 yard TD run he had. Pittsburgh had 3 guys set to contain Lamar, yet they gave him an open lane for 6 points. Marylander: The qtegra being Patrick Queen getting stiff armed yet again! THANK U NEXT! Michael: He shouldn’t have let his big fat ego get in the way. Marylander: You know what’s funny? Michael: What? Marylander: The loudest moment of the night wasn’t from anything on the field. It was from Ray Lewis during the Squirrel Dance right before the defensive stand that officially clinched the game in the 4th Quarter. Michael: Crazy I know. Even though Lamar is the main draw these days, Ray will always be the role model for everyone in this city.

So with the Yinzers out of the way, the Ravens now head to Buffalo to take on the Bills in a rematch of the 2020 Divisional Round game. In that game the Bills beat the Ravens 17-3 in what turned out to be the most miserable game in Justin Tucker’s career. Marylander: If he makes both of those field goals, Lamar and the offense would have relaxed and settled in. But it wasn’t meant to be. Michael: That pick six, and Patrick Mekari not being able to snap a football was their undoing. But in my opinion the tides have turned. The Bills that night were the much better team on paper and it showed. This time despite it being back in Orchard Park, you can truly say that this game is even, although the biggest differences between that game and this one are simple. Marylander: GENERAL MONKEN AND KING HENRY XXII! Michael: From how I see it, even though the Bills are the media darling of football outside of KC yet again, this game to me will be a harsh reality for them. Why? That team is built to play the Chiefs given their personnel on defense being catered to nickel and dime packages. They are not built for the Ravens and that vaunted running game. Marylander: You know what I love so much? It’s that BillsMafia hasn’t learned a single thing from the Yinzers. Michael: I know. Marylander: WE DIDN’T HAVE ELLIOTT, PICKENS, AND JPJ, PLUS WATT AND HEYWARD WEREN’T 100%! WEEK 16 WAS A FLUKE!” ASS KICKING! And now this week it’s this; “WE DIDN’T HAVE MILANO, BERNARD, COOPER AND JOHNSON! WEEK 4 WAS A FLUKE!” GET READY BUFFALO! WE’RE ABOUT TO MAUL YOU ALL GAME! Michael: I really hope so. IF we’re going to win we might need Zay back especially since we’re up against Josh Allen. Marylander: With Zay or without Zay I think we can win. Michael: I hope so, we’ll need all the help we can get especially considering that the media has all but declared that the AFC Championship will be Allen vs Mahomes at Arrowhead. Marylander: That’s the new Brady-Manning they say, TOO BAD NOBODY TOLD THE RAVENS! Michael: DAMN RIGHT! PAUSE.

“We interrupt this program to inform you that the rest of this episode features the Charm City Beasts and Mafian Horde going head to head in front of a party atmosphere in Buffalo. Whoever wins this battle will get the chance at the ultimate revenge against the Swifties next week.” PAUSE.

(January 18 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)

Jennifer: EVERYTIME THEY TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN! JUST WANNA GO THAT EXTRA MILE FOR YOU! YOU’VE BROUGHT THE DISPLAY OF AFFECTION! AH AH AH! FEELS LIKE NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM! BUT YOU! WE CAN’T GO DOWN LIKE THERE’S NO ONE AROUND! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! CAMERAS ARE FLASHING WHILE WE’RE DIRTY DANCING! THEY KEEP WATCHING! KEEP WATCHING! (KNOCK! KNOCK!) Poe: Whistling (Hi Jenn Jenn!) Jennifer: Hey Poe. Poe: Whistling (Is that Britney Spears you’re listening to?) Jennifer: Yes, and the reasoning is because I’ve got an idea. Poe: Whistling (What is it?) Jennifer: Hold on a second, Darkness, I need you for a minute. Darkness: Whistling (What do you need me for?) Jennifer: You know how the Mafian Horde is having a Winter Ball tomorrow night? Darkness: Whistling (Yes) Jennifer: I think it might be time for a romantic dance segment. Poe: Whistling (I don’t know if Michael is going to say yes to that) Jennifer: I think he will indeed. Darkness: Whistling (If you two are going to dance for us tomorrow, what song should I cue up) Jennifer: Gimme More by Britney Spears. But we’re only going to do this if we end up ruining their party to the point where the dance floor is ours and ours only. Darkness: Whistling (I gotcha covered) Jennifer: Thanks Darkness. I think I need to practice this dance. Poe: Whistling (Don’t practice with me, I don’t think that’s a smart idea since I’m not good at this) (Frozen Frenzy playing) Jennifer: Don’t worry Poe, you won’t have to. I’m going to go and get my prince to come dance with me right now. Poe: Whistling (Ok then, I’ll still be watching) Jennifer: GREAT! Now where could Michael be?

Michael: Let’s see, lets see. How should we attack them? The ballroom inside the Buffalo Convention Center where the Formal is supposed to be tomorrow night is on the 3rd floor. But I have a feeling there’s going to be tight security around every single entrance. Do we try a sneak attack and knock the doors down, or use the teleportation spell and leave the crowd in shock? Not sure. I feel like once we get in, Jennifer is going to want to dance them right out of the building considering that this is a Winter Ball kind of event. Which is fitting because she’s looking for any kind of love especially considering that we’re this close to getting engaged. (KNOCK! KNOCK!) Jennifer: OH MY HANDSOME PRINCE! Michael: Speak of the devil. What is it? Jennifer: I want to show you something. Michael: Alright I’m coming. (WHOOSH!) What did you want to show me? Jennifer: I heard that this event that we’re trying to spoil is a dance. Michael: It is, and if we do so, all of Buffalo is going to hate us till kingdom come considering that we’ve already embarrassed them once this year. Jennifer: Should be awesome! Anyways, speaking of that Winter Ball, I’ve got a little something planned for us. Michael: And what would that be? Jennifer: We’re obviously not going to do this unless we take down the Horde, but just like Purple Rising Night, the plan is for you and I to have another dance segment. And I wanted us to practice that segment just like we did when we were just over 24 hours away from taking down Captain Wincinnati and his crew. Michael: Oh great. Now I see why you’re in an office dress and high heels even though you had off from work today since it’s Saturday. Jennifer: Hehehe, if you think this is crazy, just wait until you see what I’ve got on the menu tomorrow. Michael: Let me guess you’re going to dress up like you’re going to Prom, which will be perfect because they’ll all assume that you’re a member of the Horde even though you’re on our side. Jennifer: Hehehehe. It was all part of the plan. Michael: Looks like Darkness has everything set up in our media room just in case he gets control of the DJ Machine at the Convention Center. Darkness: Whistling (You know it) Michael: And even Poe wants to watch us. Poe: Whistling (The others are lucky that they can just relax and play Mario Kart) Michael: Yup, they’d rather do that then watch this, and I don’t blame them one bit. Poe: Whistling (I’d feel that way too, but I enjoy watching you two lay your love out for each other) Jennifer: Thanks Poe. Alright Darkness, give me a beat. Darkness: Whistling (On it!) 

(Gimme More playing) Jennifer: Pull me in close my love. Michael: Gotcha. There? Jennifer: There! How about we kiss to get things started eh? Both: MWWWWWWWWWA! Jennifer: Just go with the music just like the last time. Michael: Ok then I got it. Jennifer: Hehehe. “EVERYTIME THEY TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN! JUST WANNA GO THAT EXTRA MILE FOR YOU!” Poe: Whistling (And there they go. OOOOOH! We better win now, especially since those two would have this kind of moment if we pull it out) Darkness: Whistling (Not to mention I set them up with a background of LED Lights) Poe: Whistling (Its like there are hundreds of flashing wristbands out there) Darkness: Whistling (I know) Poe: Whistling (I need to take some photo shoots, especially since Jennifer is letting me borrow her phone) Jennifer: OH YEAH! I LOVE IT WHEN IT’S JUST YOU AND ME! Michael: Well that’s who we are and I hope it never changes. Jennifer: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MICHAEL! Darkness: Whistling (I have a feeling one of the photos you’ll take of them dancing will be her phone wallpaper soon) Poe: Whistling (Yup. Considering that Jennifer and I watched Dirty Dancing last night while Michael, Kate, the Salty Marylander, and my bros were prepping for the battle tomorrow night. The fashionista came prepared for romance tonight) Darkness: Whistling (She sure did. And here comes the lift!) Poe: Whistling (NOBODY PUTS THE BEASTS IN A CORNER!) (BOOM!) “WE CAN’T GO DOWN LIKE THERE’S NO ONE AROUND! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! WE KEEP ON ROCKING! ROCKING! (BOOM!) CAMERAS ARE FLASHING WHILE WE’RE DIRTY DANCING! THEY KEEP WATCHING! KEEP WATCHING! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! (POP POP BOOM!) GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE!” Both: MWWWWWWWWA! MWWWWWWWWWWWWA! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Poe/Darkness: Whistling (Bravo! Bravo!) 

Michael: Now what? You’re giving me that romantic look again even though we just kissed a few seconds ago. Jennifer: I think we can do better than that. Michael: Oh boy. If we don’t complete this mission, we’ll have no one to blame but ourselves. Jennifer: I hear you, but as you and I know, this is a Winter’s Ball that we’re also going to. Michael: And our job is to make that Ball miserable for the Buffalonians attending it. Jennifer: Yes, but can’t we just have a little fun in between? Michael: I guess. Darkness: Whistling (Any other song requests?) Jennifer: VOULEZ-VOUS PLEASE! (Voulez-Vous playing) Michael: Oh my gosh, she’s obsessed with Mamma Mia! Someone help her! Poe: Whistling (Don’t worry buddy, Jenn Jenn’s going to be fine) Michael: Poe at least you’ve got my back… WOOOAH! Jennifer: Hehehe. Michael: How are your feet not burning you in those heels? Jennifer: It’s because I work at the most popular fashion store in Baltimore 5 days a week. Michael: Oh that’s right, your mother relocated you to the downtown store just so you could be closer to us. Jennifer: I know, now stop talking and come dance with me. Michael: Gotcha. “(POP! POP! POP! POP!) VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM!) TAKE IT OUT ON ME! (POP!) NOW IS ALL WE GET! (POP!) NOTHING’S PROMISED NO REGRETS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) (POP! POP! POP! POP!) VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM!) AIN’T NO BIG DECISIONS! (POP!) YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! (POP!) LIFE IS JUST A VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) VOULEZ VOUS!” (BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (I don’t know how our media room can contain so much fireworks smoke) Darkness: Whistling (It’s because the ceiling is close to 100 feet above the ground) Poe: Whistling (The only good thing about being captured last year was that when we came back home in early April, was that we now have a media room that looks like a giant theatre, and the only room in this building that is pyro-proof) Darkness: Whistling (Which is cool because we can use this room for so many different reasons) Poe: Whistling (One of those being Michael and Jennifer right now dancing their brains off) Darkness: Whistling (As is tradition with those two) Poe: Whistling (Agreed. But just look at them go!) “(POP! POP! POP! POP!) VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM!) TAKE IT OUT ON ME! (POP!) NOW IS ALL WE GET! (POP!) NOTHING’S PROMISED NO REGRETS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) (POP! POP! POP! POP!) VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM!) AIN’T NO BIG DECISIONS! (POP!) YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! (POP!) LIFE IS JUST A VOULEZ-VOUS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) VOULEZ-VOUS!” (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA!

Marylander: Where the heck are the others? Kate: I don’t know. I thought Michael was in his room scheming on how to attack the Horde and the security situation tomorrow. Marylander: Not to mention Jennifer and Poe aren’t in the theatre room either. Allan: Whistling (Let me guess, they went downstairs to the media room) Edgar: Whistling (Makes sense since it smells like pyro smoke) Marylander: What do you think they’re doing down there, it’s almost midnight, and we have to get up early to head to Buffalo tomorrow! Allan: Whistling (I think since our objective is to crash the Horde’s Winter Formal, I think Michael and Jennifer are working on a dance or two.) Marylander: Of course. I would bash them for doing this considering that they shouldn’t be focusing on hard core dancing, but Michael and Jennifer did this schtick before when we faced the Queen City Gangsters on Purple Rising Night yet they backed it up at the same time. Kate: Good to know. Marylander: Also I think Poe and Darkness are enjoying themselves down there while watching them. Kate: Good point. Marylander: Thank god you and I don’t have those kinds of romantic emotions for each other yet. Kate: I agree, but who knows depending on what happens in the next few weeks with the Horde and Swifties. Marylander: I know. Kate: Anyways, from how I see it, if anyone can focus so much on their love for one another rather than major villains yet ambush the enemy when push comes to shove, it’s those two. Edgar: Whistling (Not worried one bit) Allan: Whistling (I don’t have problem with it as long as we save the land)

(January 19 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)

(Team by Iggy Azalea playing) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) (BOOM!) Marylander: LETS ROCK! (BOOM!) Kate: UUUUUUUH! (BOOM!) Edgar: Whistling (LOCKED IN!) (BOOM!) Allan: Whistling (HYPE ME UP!) (BOOM!) Darkness: Whistling (WE SMELL BLOOD!) Poe: Whistling (TAKE IT AWAY MIKE AND JENN!) (Watch Me by the Phantoms playing) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Jennifer: PROM VIBES! Poe: Whistling (Oh my lord she’s so beautiful!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: DOGGONE IT! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!! Allan: Whistling (What’s the plan boss?) Michael: Guys, we have one thing on our minds tonight. Spoil the biggest party in Buffalo. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: We’re focused, we’re determined, and most importantly, we’re battle tested! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: We’ll discuss the plan on the way there. Marylander: Are we going in another VR? Michael: Yup. The Raven Brothers wanted to play video games on the way there, so I don’t have a problem with it. Jennifer: And you don’t have a problem with me wearing a prom dress tonight either. Michael: Well this is a prom kind of party that we are going to, and like you told me last night you obviously have the right idea to try and fool them into thinking you’re part of the Mafia. Jennifer: That’s why I am who I am. They think I’m a model on the outside but on the inside I’m a fighter. Michael: You’re a fighter, and so is everyone else in the room. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: LET’S DO THIS! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Buffalo Convention Center)

Mafians: YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANNA! SHOUT!!! KICK MY HEELS UP AND! SHOUT!!! THROW MY HANDS UP AND! SHOUT!!! COME ON NOW! COME ON NOW! A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW! A Little Bit Softer Now! A little bit softer now. a little bit softer now. a little bit softer now. a little bit softer now. a little bit louder now. A little bit louder now. A Little Bit Louder Now! A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW! A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW! A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW! Mafia Man: HEY HEY! Crowd: HEY HEY! Mafia Man: HEY HEY! Crowd: HEY HEY! Mafia Man: LETS GO BUFFALO! Crowd: LETS GO BUFFALO! Man: LETS GO BUFFALO! Crowd: LETS GO BUFFALO!

Michael: I can see the security guys so we’ve gotta be close to the ballroom. Kate, I need you to throw some arrows at the guards, but hide behind the wall and then throw them, you got me? Kate: Alright Michael, I gotcha covered. Michael: Once those guards go down, then we make our move to go in. Jennifer, like we said I want you to distract them into thinking you’re the prettiest girl that the Mafian Horde has to offer. Jennifer: How should I cue you guys to come in? Michael: Get their DJ distracted to the point where he shuts down the music. Jennifer: Ok then. Michael: Good luck out there girls. We’ll be waiting. Kate/Jennifer: THANKS MICHAEL! Kate: I know I’ve told you this before, but It’s funny how both of us have different personalities. Jennifer: I know, I’m the pretty one who is the definition of dress to impress, and you’re the smart one who is down to earth and has her actions speak better than her words. Kate: You got that right. Now stand back. (WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!) Guards: Eh. Kate: Looks like they’re dead, NOW GO GET EM JENNIFER!

Mafia Man: THIS IS THE BEST PARTY EVER! (WHOOSH!) (Can’t Fight the Moonlight playing) Mafian 1: Who is this girl? Mafian 2: SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL! Mafian Men: PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME! PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME! (BEEP! BEEP!) Jennifer: Guys come in. Mafia Man: Well it looks like all of the young men at this party all want to go out with whoever this hot chick is. And all of their girls appear to be jealous of her (BOOM!) Michael: TOO BAD SHE BELONGS TO ME!!! (Back in Black playing) Mafians: THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Michael: HELLO MAFIAN HORDE! It looks like your plans to overtake the Swifties are going to end tonight! Mafia Man: We’ve already booked the battle for next week there’s nothing you can do about it. Michael: But there is. And I see that all you guys were literally distracted by how stunning my true love is right now. Mafian 1: We didn’t know who she was. Marylander: YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BECAUSE WE KICKED YOUR ASS OUT OF BALTIMORE BACK IN SEPTEMBER! Mafian 2: Who cares, we’ve beaten the Swifties in a battle which is something you guys never did. Mafian: OOOOOOOOOOOOO! Michael: That’s it, YOU’RE ALL GOING DOWN! Marylander: ATTACK!

(BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “2nd and 10, he’s got that Statue of Liberty pause and then throws down field. And look at Likely, down to the 22 yard line.” Michael: Salty Marylander, you and Edgar should go for a paintball combo. Marylander: ON IT! Edgar: Whistling (Let’s Roll!) “On a 3rd and 3 from the gun, Lamar, first option closed down, now he goes to the end zone. Wide Open! (BOOM! BOOM!) And a Ravens touchdown right off the bat.” Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE! Michael: Good start, good start. Now how are they gonna respond? Mafia Man: SNOWBALL FIGHT! Michael: Uh oh. “Big presence on 3rd Down. Allen deep ball, open, caught. Shakir with the catch.” Kate: Where did they get those snowballs? Jennifer: From my vantage point, they stuck them in a freezer, and once we started hunting them down, then they brought them out. Kate: Makes sense. AH! “Gonna hand it off, hand it off, and walking in for a touchdown is Ray Davis.” Michael: Kate, are you alright? Kate: Yeah, I took a hard snowball to the face, and now my black scuba suit is all wet. Michael: Don’t worry, your time to answer back will come. (BOOM! BOOM!) OH NO! “2nd and 11, looking to pass all the way, and down the field he goes, and it’s intercepted. Right into the hands of Taylor Rapp!” Jennifer: They’ve got snow cannons too! Poe: Whistling (And Darkness is getting picked on to no one’s surprise. Also it’s freezing in here) Michael: I would say we came under dressed outside of Kate, but we’re tough guys. Jennifer: And gals. Michael: True. I don’t know how Poe is freezing even though we’re inside and he has a fur coat given how many feathers he has. (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Mafian 4: NO! I LOST MY SNOW CANNON! Michael: Allan go get it before he picks it up! Allan: Whistling (YES!) Mafian 4: YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT! Allan: Whistling (Got it!) Michael: YES! (BOOM!) NO! “2nd and 10, awkwardness, as Jackson, wrapped up the ball is out. SCOOPED UP! VON MILLER! Von Miller with Hill chasing after him. Hill tries to swipe the ball out of his hands, but Miller holds on. And the Bills defense has a 2nd takeaway.” Jennifer: Just as Allan picks up a snow cannon, he gets blasted by another one of those cannons. Michael: And now he’s getting picked on. “Here it is. Allen, he just steamrolls across for the Buffalo touchdown.” WHY? Jennifer: Ugh. Michael: Jennifer, that’s my bad, I shouldn’t have told him to go after one of their cannons. Jennifer: You’re good. Hey Poe, are your witch powers in full effect just like in recent weeks? (WHOOSH!) I think that answer is yes. “So now the rookie is back there, Cole Bishop, #24. Here’s a 1st Down throw, down the field, and open, down to the 1 yard line is Bateman.” Poe: Whistling (UNLIIIIIMITED!) Michael: The Legend of Elpha-Poe is alive and kicking here in Buffalo! “Kick from 26 is good.” Poe: Whistling (Nothing fancy just yet. I’ve thrown a few of their troops out of the building, but I’m not getting much attention) Michael: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, since you’ve been injected with wickedness, our enemies haven’t gone anywhere near you. Poe: Whistling (It’s cool, but I want to be more involved) Jennifer: Well if we hold off the Horde, the Swifties will have no choice but to go after you. Poe: Whistling (SWEET!)

Marylander: ALRIGHT YOU BUFFALONIANS! YOUR SNOW CANNONS ARE NO MATCH FOR OUR PAINTBALL MACHINES! Mafian 5: Big mistake! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “3rd Down throw down the sideline. Incomplete.” Marylander: YES I’M INVINCIBLE! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Pass Interference, Defense #25.” Mafia Man: OH NO YOU AREN’T! ENJOY BEING COVERED IN BUFFALO SAUCE! “It’s Allen, Allen straight ahead! Bulldozes in for the Touchdown!” Mafians: YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANNA! SHOUT!!! KICK MY HEELS UP AND! SHOUT!!! THROW MY HANDS UP AND! SHOUT!!! Michael: Oh god no they think this thing is over. Jennifer: Well considering that the Salty Marylander is covered in Buffalo Sauce, Edgar has been getting uncharacteristically manhandled, and the others have been up and down. We’ve got our work cut out for us. Michael: I must say, the Mafian Horde has definitely improved since the last time we faced them. Jennifer: I think the biggest factor in all of that was that they didn’t have their weapons rather they were just trying to rob the biggest mall in Baltimore. Michael: True. But you and I both know this truth very well. (Macarena Bayside Boys Remix playing) Jennifer: AND THAT WOULD BE THE FACT THAT WE ALWAYS RISE UP TO THE CHALLENGE! Michael: Damn right. LETS GO! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “This is 47, and that is a beautiful kick.” Kate: Michael, they had us down for the count early on but now I think we’ve figured them out. Michael: Good. Poe, you and I are going right for Mafia Man. Poe: Whistling (SWEET!) Mafia Man: Hello there. Michael: USE THE SPELL! (WHOOSH!) “3rd and 5, and this Ravens defense is making the play, as Kyle Van Noy is just driving back the TE. Mafian 1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) Mafia Man: Good move. Michael: You got that right. Poe: Whistling (Ugh we got the wrong guy) Michael: Don’t worry we’re going to get Mafia Man eventually. Now how’s Jennifer doing up against all of those guys who are lovestruck? Mafians: COME TO ME BAE! Jennifer: YA! HUH! HIGH YA! “On 3rd and a foot, they got it with Henry and here he goes! Henry tripped up out at the 46.” Jennifer: COME DANCE! I KNOW YOU WANT! Mafians: I’D LOVE TO KNOW! Jennifer: YA! YA! UPPERCUT! “Stay with him, Henry, he’s in for the touchdown.” Jennifer: COME ON! Michael: Jennifer, we’ve got them on the ropes.

Mafia Man: NOT SO FAST! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) (Punch Bowl playing) “And they’ll send Henry out of the backfield, as he looks for the tie, flicks it, batted down.” Marylander: UGH! I went from being covered in Buffalo Sauce to being covered in snow. Michael: I know. This ballroom inside the Convention Center has now become an ice skating rink in some ways. Jennifer: Considering that all of them were dressed up especially since this was a Winter Ball, they’ve definitely done a good job without major preparation for us. Michael: It sucks, but hey they did beat the Swifties in a battle which is something we haven’t done just yet. Marylander: WHO CARES! LET’S STOP THEM COLD! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Allen, in traffic, throws it, no flag.” Darkness: Whistling (If there’s one thing that stops snow, it’s fire) Michael: Thank god we’ve got a few fire guns with us. “And here’s the Bass kick, that’s a beauty of his own. And it’s good.” Kate: Bad news, Allan just got the wind knocked out of him. Michael: Is he alright? Allan: Whistling (I’m ok, just give me a second to get up… And I’m up) Michael: Good. I feel like not only is our priority winning, but making sure everyone comes out of this healthy. Marylander: I know, BUT FOR NOW LET’S JUST KEEP PUNCHING! Michael: YUP! Kate: I’m going for one of those cannons! Marylander: KATE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “Fake to Henry, Jackson throws, gotta man wide open, it’s Andrews, (BOOOOOOOM!) HE DROPPED THE BALL! And its recovered by Bernard!” Marylander: UGH! At least she’s ok especially since she’s up and walking. Kate: My bad, I got a little too cocky, but I’m fine. Man those snowballs are cold. Jennifer: Allan tried the same thing and got a face full of it. Allan: Whistling (I know you don’t need to remind me) Michael: Guys enough talking. We’ve got to end this. Darkness: Whistling (But how) Michael: Remember the last time we beat them? Darkness: Whistling (Uh yeah) Michael: They had a dish controlling the troopers which we dismantled. Now where could that be. Jennifer: I just noticed on my radar that it’s on the roof. Michael: SWEET! Marylander: But Mafia Man is probably up there. Edgar: Whistling (True. What’s the plan) Michael: Jennifer, you, me and Poe are going up there to stop them, the rest of you make sure the rest of these Buffalonians are anything but comfortable, you got me. Raven Bros: Whistling (YES!) Michael: Good.

“And that kick is good, he drilled both field goal attempts tonight, right down the middle.” Poe: Whistling (Oh boy, we’re one knockout away from the Swifties!) Michael: Poe don’t get too cocky. We may have the power to stop this dish, but Mafia Man is much more powerful than he was 4 months ago. Jennifer: Which is why I’m so glad that Poe and I have wickedness inside of us. Michael: I always forget that you have the same powers as Glinda. Jennifer: Hehehe. Michael: Don’t go kissy mode on me just yet, we’ve got a job to do. Jennifer: Ok. Mafia Man: TREMBLE BEFORE ME! Michael: NEVER! You are not stopping us from getting the chance at destroying Taylor Swift! Mafia Man: YOU AND I HAVE THE SAME AMBITIONS! BUT I HAVE MORE POWER! Michael: THINK AGAIN! Poe: Whistling (Should I bring out the spell) Michael: Go ahead. (WHOOSH!) “They’re coming after him, again, running away from it, throws on the run, it’s caught. Caught in stride and taking off, down to the 46.” Mafia Man: OOOOOH! Good move, you decimated my shield. BUT YOU DIDN’T GET ME! Michael: Well I’ve got my laser blaster. Jennifer: You may have a height spell on your side, but my prince has the weapon to destroy you. Mafia Man: REALLY!? Michael: AAAAAH! (BOOOOOOOM!) “Again he’s getting all kinds of protection, all day, slides over to buy time, flings it down the field, IT’S CAUGHT! FOR THE TOUCHDOWN!” Michael: COME ON! Poe: Whistling (We’re almost there!) Michael: I know. Poe: Whistling (Watch out for the cannons) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Jennifer: MISSED ME! Mafia Man: UUUUUUUUUH! “Gonna roll, roll, flip it, got it! OH THE BALL WAS DROPPED!” (BOOM!) Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! Poe: Whistling (What happened) Michael: Jennifer’s down and she’s holding her left knee. Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mafia Man: Looks like your most gifted member is done. Michael: MAFIA MAN NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS! Mafia Man: Don’t make me do it. Michael: You’re not going to because we’re calling this thing off. I don’t want any of us on either side to get hurt. Mafia Man: Ok then. 

Michael: Guys, we have a major emergency and I need all of you to come up to the rooftop now! Marylander: What’s that? Michael: Jennifer is holding onto her left knee and is crying in pain. Kate: NO WAY! Michael: Just as she was about to dodge one of those mega snowballs from Mafia Man’s snowball blaster, it appears that something in her knee popped as she was trying to evade it. Edgar: Whistling (What are we going to do now) Michael: I talked to Mafia Man, and we’ve decided to call this off. Marylander: WHAT! WHEN WE’RE THIS CLOSE TO FINISHING THEM OFF! THIS WAS EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER WANTED! THE CHANCE TO FINALLY DESTROY THE SWIFTIE EMPIRE! AND YOU’VE DECIDED TO WITHDRAW! Michael: Right now, overtaking the Swifties isn’t my biggest priority. It’s making sure the love of my life is ok. Kate: We understand.

Michael: Hello? Phone: 911, what’s your emergency? Michael: Well, this is Michael Hession of the Charm City Beasts, and I’m calling you to let you know that my colleague Jennifer Shoemaker suffered what looks to be a devastating knee injury, and needs to be taken to the local hospital in Downtown Buffalo. Phone: Ok, sounds good. Michael: Thanks, bye. Poe: Whistling (Who was that?) Michael: I just called 911, it looks like she’s going to need to go to the hospital. Poe: Whistling (Ugh, I wish I had my healing spell with me) Michael: True, but I don’t think that kind of spell would heal a potential torn ACL or MCL. Allan: Whistling (Hey guys) Michael: Hey Allan. Allan: Whistling (You ok) Michael: No, no I’m alright. Our most talented member on this team is still on the ground, and I have a feeling that she’s going to be out for a long time. Kate: I’m sorry Michael. Michael: I know. Mafia Man: I really feel bad for you. Michael: Thanks Mafia Man, that really warmed my heart. Mafia Man: I suffered this same injury last year while we tried to dethrone the Swifties. Michael: How so. Mafia Man: While this was a noncontact injury, in my case, I was trying to shoot down a Swiftie from the backside, and one of them came the other way and tackled me unconscious. And if not for that, we probably would have defeated the Swifties. Michael: Crazy how you say that because right after that, they came to Baltimore the next week. Not to mention that’s when Jennifer and I first met, and it was love at first sight. We may have gotten captured and served two months in their jail room, but I knew she was not only a romantic interest of mine, but she’s as talented as anyone that I have. Mafia Man: Which is why it breaks your heart to see her go down like this. Michael: I know. Mafia Man: And now she’s getting picked up on the stretcher and is going to be taken to the hospital. Michael: Something I never thought I’d see out of her. Before I head out, I have one more thing to say. Please devastate the Swiftie Empire whenever you guys decide to attack them. Mafia Man: Thank you very much. Best of luck to you and I hope your girlfriend gets better. Michael: You’re welcome.

Poe: Whistling (So it looks like our mission to overtake the Swifties is over) Michael: It’s not over, thank goodness, but it’ll be put on hold for a while. Beasts: WHAT? Michael: I have to do what’s right for us. I don’t want to risk anyone else getting injured. Marylander: So does that mean we have to go back to Baltimore. Michael: Yes. Poe and I are staying here to check on Jennifer while she’s recovering. The rest of you are going home. Allan: Whistling (But. But.) Michael: I know guys, I’m as devastated as you all are, and I know you all want to finish what we started, but I can’t do this without possibly my future wife. Kate: Where are you and Poe going to stay? Michael: I just rented an apartment that’s like 5 minutes away from the hospital, so that’s where we’re going to stay while Jennifer is in the hospital. Marylander: I guess it’s time for the rest of us to head back. Michael: Group hug.

(January 20 2025, Allina Health Hospital, Buffalo NY)

Doctor: So the analysis on Jennifer based on the MRI we just did is not looking good. Michael: Ok. Doctor: The diagnosis was a torn MCL but luckily not any major structural damage. Michael: So how long is it going to take to heal? Doctor: Based on what we were told by the machine 6-8 months. Michael: Ok. So how long will she need to be here in Buffalo? Doctor: Probably 1-2 months. Michael: Is it ok that I stop by every day to see how she’s doing. Doctor: Sure, she would really appreciate it. Michael: Thank you. Doctor: You’re welcome. Poe: Whistling (Hey buddy. How’d it go) Michael: Um, I hate to be the breaker of bad news but Jennifer according to an MRI that they just did suffered a torn MCL. Poe: Whistling (Aw) Michael: Yeah, I still can’t believe it. I mean, we were this close, to ending the Mafian Horde and ruining their Winter Formal. Poe: Whistling (I know) Michael: Now the unfortunate thing is that we can’t go up against the Swifties or anyone else until Jennifer is fully healed. Poe: Whistling (Well it looks like she’s not wearing any kind of a gown until you guys get married) Michael: Hehehe, well that’s probably going to be the case now. And what stings about this injury is that this probably delays our plans of finally tying the knot. Poe: Whistling (You told me that you were going to propose once we finally beat the Swiftie Empire) Michael: I know! And now Mafia Man aka Hailee Steinfeld since she’s inside that mask now has the chance to take down Tay-Tay. Poe: Whistling (I hate to say it but I really want them to beat the Horde) Michael: True, but that just means they’ll have even more control across the land. Poe: Whistling (Urk) Michael: I think it’s time we go in and check on her. Poe: Whistling (Sweet!)

(KNOCK! KNOCK!) Jennifer: Come in! Michael: How are we doing? Jennifer: I’m hanging in there. Michael: Great. Both: MWWWWA! Jennifer: I may have a torn MCL and am limited to laying in bed, but it won’t stop me from going lips on lips with you. Michael: Well, there you go. Poe: Whistling (JENN JENN!) Jennifer: Hi Poe! Poe: Whistling (Just like Michael, I’m not going anywhere without seeing you on a regular basis) Jennifer: That’s so sweet of you. Michael: I was telling Poe a few minutes ago that it’ll suck for us, but the Swiftie Empire defeating the Mafian Horde is what’s best for us even if Tay-Tay will have insane control across the land. Jennifer: I agree. Michael: Let me put it this way. Once you get out of the hospital and finish rehabbing, our quest to restore peace across the land will start up once again. Jennifer: I think I can make it back by July. Michael: I know it sounds crazy given how a torn MCL takes months to heal, but the rascal standing next to me suffered the same injury a couple of years ago, and made it back in just over 3 months. Poe: Whistling (I will be your inspiration in this recovery) Jennifer: Thank you Poe. Michael: Who has it better than the Charm City Beasts? Jennifer: NOOOOOOBODY!

(CHARM CITY BEASTS)