THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCLUSIVE PRESENTATION OF BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS:
(Right Here, Right Now by Fatboy Slim playing)
“BRACE YOURSELVES”
“SINCE WE HAVE GONE SO FAR WE CAN GO NO FARTHER”
“NOW IS THE TIME”
“THE FUTURE IS TO THOSE WHO TAKE IT”
“WHAT WE DO IN LIFE, ECHOES IN ETERNITY”
“STRUGGLE, SURVIVAL”
“WE WILL BE PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE GAME”
“WILL! YOU! EVER! QUIT! NOOOOOOOO!”
BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS
A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION
CHARM CITY BEASTS!
SEASON 5 EPISODE 9: BEAST-DUNNE MAYLAY: THANK U, NEXT!
“A 6’2 MANIAC, FROM TOWSON, THE SALTY MARYLANDER!”
“A 5’7 NINJA, FROM TEMPLE, KATE THE GREAT ADDISON!”
“A 6’3 FITNESS MAJOR, #101, EDGAR!”
“A 5’11 ENERGIZER BUNNY, #102, ALLAN!”
“A 5’1 SECRET WEAPON, #103, DARKNESS!”
“A 6’1 COOL KID, #1, POE!”
“A 5’8 FASHIONISTA, FROM MARYLAND, JENNIFER SHOEMAKER!”
AND FINALLY, A 5’10 CORNERSTONE, FROM PENN STATE, MICHAEL HESSION!”
(December 21 2024, Fort McHenry, Baltimore MD)
Livvy/Henchgirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) Michael: Looks like the Dunnes will be drowning in the harbor tonight. Kate: Not to mention the water temperature is below freezing. Michael: Well it looks like the hospital ship is coming to get them, and they’ll probably spend the next few weeks recovering from the beating we just gave them.
(2 WEEKS LATER)
(BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEP!) Livvy: What happened? Doctor: Well it appeared as if you guys got frozen by the icy temperatures of the Inner Harbor thanks to how hard of a splash you guys took. Livvy: I thought myself and all of my girls were dead. So how long has it been? Doctor: It’s been 2 weeks. Livvy: 2 WEEKS!? What have the Charm City Beasts done since then? Doctor: I was told by several Baltimore reporters that they went to Houston and sweet talked Beyonce into giving them tips on how to defeat the Swifties. Livvy: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEEEE! But to be fair I didn’t know better at the time. Doctor: Anyways we need to do some X Rays on you before you are clear to go. (BOOM!) Henchgirl 1: WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT X RAYS! Henchgirl 2: THE CHARM CITY BEASTS WILL RUE THE DAY THEY BELIEVED TO HAVE STOPPED US! Livvy: That’s right girls! I once admired Michael for what he and his crew did to the Mafian Horde and Captain Wincinnati, but now, HE’S THE ENEMY! Skenes: If only he was willing to accept our offer to join us. Livvy: Bae I agree. NOW LETS HEAD BACK TO PITTSBURGH AND START SCHEMING! Henchgirl 3: I thought you said we’d go back to our Baton Rouge headquarters. Livvy: I changed my mind while our brains were being examined by those doctors. ANYWAYS LET’S GET OUTTA HERE! Henchgirls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(St Paul’s School, Lutherville MD)
Michael: For the 2nd year in a row we begin the calendar year with a sledding skit from the Raven Brothers. Raven Bros: Whistling (WAHOOOO!) Marylander: Once again, we’ve sent these rascals to the large hill at the St Paul’s School complex. And for the first time all season this skit is worth 2 points so whoever wins has a great case for winning the skit contest. Michael: I think we eventually need to add up all of the points by the time the season comes to an end. Marylander: Last year Poe won, but something tells me things are going to change in a hurry. Michael: I see. And for those who are just tuning in, Poe had a green beak in the last episode because he wanted to play the role of Elphaba in Wicked while Jennifer played the role of Glinda. But now he is back to his regular grey beak. Kate: He might need to bring it back soon. Michael: Kate aren’t you supposed to be the ref for this? Kate: Uh yeah. Michael: Why don’t you save that topic for afterwards. Kate: Well you brought it up. Michael: Oh, my bad. Anyways you start things off. Kate: Ok birds, there is only one rule. If you fall off your sled, you are disqualified from this skit. I don’t want to see you wipe out and then roll down that hill without a sled even though that would be funny. Anyways. Are you ready? Raven Bros: Whistling (YES!) Kate: GO! Michael: Alright away we go, it’s going to be a grind down that hill. Marylander: OH AND POE WIPES OUT! Michael: Looks like he won’t win the sled race twice in a row. Marylander: THAT HONOR IS GOING TO DARKNESS OR ALLAN! Michael: Edgar has also fallen off the sled, and Darkness has crossed the finish line and taken the competition! Marylander: Usually the one who has the least weight wins right? Michael: I don’t know, I think he got off to a very good jump from what I can tell. Anyways, he’s with Jennifer at the bottom of the hill. Jennifer: Thanks Michael! Darkness, you made it. Darkness: Whistling (I did) Jennifer: It wasn’t easy but how were you able to make this happen? Darkness: Whistling (I had to get off to a good start, and I did luckily. Once I knew that Poe and Edgar had fallen off I knew I had a good shot) Jennifer: In a sled race, it’s so important to try and maintain a high speed even for a lighter body, what was the feeling you had when you and Allan were within 5-10 yards of the finish line? Darkness: Whistling (I was like, come on give the extra effort, and I did and nearly crashed into the fence I was going so fast) Jennifer: Great answer. PAUSE.
(January 6 2025, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: The Boys in Purple have taken matters into their own hands, Ladies and Gentlemen. In Week 16, in one of the most critical games they’ve had in recent memory, the Ravens rose up and shot down the Steelers in a game they had to have. As is typical in Ravens vs Steelers it came down which way did the ball bounce. In this case, it bounced in Baltimore’s favor. The Ravens fumbled 4 times, and didn’t lose a single one of them. They were very opportunistic as well, and every time the Steelers made a push towards halting their momentum, it didn’t keep them down. What was at one point a 17-17 deadlock eventually turned into a 34-17 Ravens win. In what was his first true home game of his career against Pittsburgh, Planet LJ threw for 3 TDs, and other than one bad pass early in the 4th Quarter, he looked like a much different player than in previous matchups against their arch rivals. And even after that interception by Minkah Fitzpatrick, Marlon Humphrey solidified his case for Defensive Player of the Year by picking off Russell Wilson and taking it to the house for a pick six. Allan: Whistling (UNLIIIIIMITED! NOT!) Michael: That’s right Allan! Wilson was not Mr Unlimited, instead he was picked clean. Not to mention Zay Flowers became the youngest player in Ravens HIstory to have over 1000 yards receiving in a season.
Marylander: But that was just the beginning. Then on Christmas Day for the 2nd year in a row, THE GRINCH HAS PREVAILED! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! All I kept hearing from Texans fans back in the summer was that they were going to be this championship contending team that would stomp over us, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, and Buffalo. They all forgot that money can’t buy happiness. For the 3rd time in 15 months, we held CJ Stroud out of the end zone and if not for King Henry XXII being cute we would have shut them out. HEY BILLS FANS! JOSH ALLEN IS A HECK OF A PLAYER BUT HE’S NOT DOING WHAT LAMAR HAS DONE THIS YEAR! Lamar has been straight up balling. Other than the Chiefs, Rams and Lions, Allen has struggled against contending teams ESPECIALLY THE RAVENS! We’re the worst possible matchup he and the Bills could get if we face them in the playoffs. Especially with King Henry XXII running wild on them for so many years, and an improved defense. IT’S NOT SOS BUT I LOVE ME SOME ORGANIZED CHAOS! Ever since we benched that overpaid scrub Marcus Williams, we’ve had the most prolific unit in the game. Who needs Williams or Geno Stone when ArDarius Washington is doing his best Bob Sanders impersonation. I also love that Marlo is not playing in the slot all the time, and that Nate Wiggins has become the main cover guy out wide. If only Brandon Stephens wasn’t LaDarius Webb 2.0 that would be great. TURN YOUR DAMN HEAD AROUND WHEN THE BALL COMES YOUR WAY! Enough said, WE’RE BACK ON TRACK BABY!
Michael: And with them taking care of scornful little brother to the West in Week 18, the Boys in Purple wrapped up the AFC North Title for the 2nd year in a row. Think about this. Prior to this season the Ravens had never made the playoffs let alone finished with a winning record after starting 0-2. This time, they just ripped off 12 out of 15 to win this division. The point can be made for them being a Super Bowl Favorite, however I feel like they have the underdog role this time. And that’s despite Lamar throwing for 40 TDs while becoming the first player to have a 4000-900 season with his arm and legs. Marylander: Also I forgot to mention he became the all time leading rusher among QBs. Michael: There’s that as well. Back to the stats. Derrick Henry became the first back in history to rush for 1900 yards in a season twice, and his 18 total TDs are a franchise record. Marylander: In addition to Zay Flowers going over 1000 yards receiving, he became the first homegrown Raven WR to ever make the Pro Bowl. Michael: If only he didn’t get hurt right after that. Jennifer, what more do you have? Jennifer: Well Michael, from what I was told this is a week to week injury and his status for the Wild Card Game is uncertain. The Ravens hope that he can make it back prior to the game, but they’ll just have to wait and see. Michael: Thank you. Not to mention you have Mark Andrews leading all TEs in TDs, Kyle Van Noy and Odafe Oweh putting up 10+ sacks. Marylander: Roquan getting to 1000 tackles faster than anybody not named Ray Ray. Michael: And of course Marlo and Hammy being game changers on the backend. Marylander: HOW ABOUT NATE WIGGINS FIRST INT GOING FOR A PICK SIX! Michael: I know. AND MICHAEL PIERCE PLAYING INSIDE LINEBACKER FOR A PLAY AND GETTING A PICK! Marylander: Give that man a Golden Ticket MLB card in Madden, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! Michael: So with all of these great accomplishments, it all means nothing if we don’t make it to the Super Bowl. So who are we playing in the Wild Card Game? (BOOM!) (Ravens to Face Steelers in Wild-Card Playoffs on Saturday Night) Marylander: OH BROTHER! PAUSE.
(NFL Films Music playing) Michael: Jon Hamm said it best, nothing refocuses the attention, like Ravens-Steelers. It would be a big game if it was a scrimmage, it just so happens to be in the playoffs. For the 5th time since 2001 the NFL’s Ultimate Rivalry will take place in the playoffs. But for the first time, it’ll be played at M&T Bank Stadium. Marylander: I knew that when PQ and DeShon Elliott signed with the Steelers that we were going to play them three times this season. Michael: Indeed. There have been times during this season in which this rivalry is reminiscent of another era. And no wonder it has intensified. Prior to Week 16, the Steelers had beaten the Ravens 8 out of 9 and 12 out of 16. But if that previous meeting is any indicated the tide might be turning. Although this weekend, the Ravens have to overcome a ton of ghosts. They may have won 2 Super Bowls in 2000 and 2012 but they didn’t have to face the Steelers during any of those years. That’s the first ghost. The 2nd ghost is that of 1976. That year the Steel Curtain blasted the Shake and Bake Colts at Memorial Stadium in the playoffs. The game was so forgettable that its most iconic moment was that of a plane crashing into the upper deck. Marylander: Who knew that could happen. Michael: The third ghost is that of 1979. The last time these two cities faced each other in the playoffs it was the 1979 World Series. There the Orioles blew a 3-1 series lead to the We Are Family Pirates. And not only did they blow a 3-1 lead, they did so with Jim Palmer, Scott McGregor and Mike Flanagan on the mound in the final three games. That’s two Cy Young winners Palmer in which being a Hall of Famer, and a two time 20 game winner that Pittsburgh manhandled. Marylander: Agony, thy name is Willie Stargell! Michael: Even though Baltimore doesn’t have an NHL team, Pittsburgh has been a big thorn in the side of hockey fans in the DMV given that the Penguins have beaten the Capitals 9 out of 11 times they’ve faced in the playoffs. However if there’s any solace, the Caps did prevent the Pens from 3-peating in 2018 by beating them in 6 games. Marylander: Boy did they need that after all of those beatings especially considering that most of those years Washington was the Presidents Trophy Winner. Michael: Exactly. Even though I’m a Flyers fan, I do enjoy the Penguins getting smacked in the playoffs. Anyways, the last ghost they must overcome is in my opinion the biggest one. No not the Curse of Freddie Gray, that’s not happening just yet. But the Curse of January 11. If you know the history of sports in Baltimore, that day is by far the most infamous day in the city’s history. Not only did that day witness the Colts losing Super Bowl III to the New York Jets and Joe Namath, but 5 years ago the Ravens were routed by the arch rival Titans in the Divisional Round 28-12 thanks to a familiar face putting himself on the map as the NFL’s best RB. Marylander: It’s so crazy to think that the man responsible for the most agonizing loss in franchise history is now a Raven. Michael: Let’s hope the term “Derrick Bleeping Henry” has a new meaning this year. Marylander: And if it does, we’re in for a fun ride.
“We interrupt this program to inform you that the rest of this episode features the Charm City Beasts and Dunne Dynasty in a grudge match that has serious long term implications. Either way one side will be insufferable with dreams of overtaking the Swifties, while the other must suffer horrible pain!” PAUSE.
(BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!) Edgar: Whistling (Now why is the alarm going off?) Michael: The Dunne Dynasty is back! Kate: WHAT? I THOUGHT WE KILLED THEM! Michael: We didn’t kill them, we severely injured them, they spent over two weeks in the UMB hospital downtown. Jennifer: Does that mean you and I have to go back to City Hall to meet with Mayor Scott and the city officials? Michael: No, I don’t want this to get to that point, WE’RE GOING TO STOP THEM AS SOON AS THEY ARE SPOTTED ON BALTIMORE SOIL! Poe: Whistling (Where do you think they went buddy?) Jennifer: They went back to Pittsburgh or Baton Rouge to get more troops to help them out. I also have heard rumors that they may attack the Under Armour Performance Center whenever they proceed to return to Baltimore. Marylander: OH GREAT! Jennifer: Apparently they want to destroy Ravens HQs but that’s not going to work on our watch. Michael: Exactly! Anyways, thanks for filling me in, Jennifer. Jennifer: You’re welcome.
(January 11 2025, Under Armour Performance Center, Owings Mills MD)
Henchgirls: WE ARE FAMILY! I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME! WE ARE FAMILY! GET UP EVERYBODY AND SING! Livvy: Well well well! This is our biggest statement yet. Henchgirl 1: The Charm City Beasts may have gotten us a few weeks ago, BUT THEY WON’T GET US TONIGHT! Livvy: We have to be careful because they not only got stronger by adding what I hear to be someone who left Paramount to join them. Henchgirl 2: Ugh, if Michael and Jennifer weren’t already enough, then whoever that girl they recruited from LA adds even more to their arsenal. Livvy: Don’t forget about the Raven Mascot Brothers and what looks to be a superfan as well. Enough said, (Lay All Your Love On Me playing) WE ARE ABOUT TO STAKE A CLAIM TO ALL OF THE LAND THAT THE CHARM CITY BEASTS WILL BOW DOWN TO OUR MIGHT! WE ARE ABOUT SET TO SOON OVERTAKE THE SWIFTIE EMPIRE! Henchgirls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
(BOOM! POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP!) Michael: I WASN’T LIKE THIS BEFORE WE MET! NOW EVERY VILLAIN THAT I SEE IS A POTENTIAL THREAT! SAVING THE LAND IS RIGHT THERE IN SIGHT! YOU’VE HEARD ME SAYING THAT SLEEPING WAS JUST OH SO RIGHT! BUT NOW IT ISN’T TRUE! NOW EVERYTHING IS NEW! AND ALL I’VE LEARNED, HAS OVERTURNED! I BEG OF YOU!!! (BOOM!) Jennifer: DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! WE LIKE TO SHOOT DOWN A SITTING DUCK! WHETHER ITS TAY-TAY, HAILEE STEINFELD, OR MISS LIVVY DUNNE! I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO US! THEY DON’T ASSUME THAT WE’RE STILL SO VERY DANGEROUS! I FEEL THAT KIND OF FEAR! WHEN I DON’T HAVE YOU NEAR! UNSATISFIED, I SKIP MY PRIDE, I BEG YOU DEAR!!! (BOOM!) Michael: DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! (BOOM!) DON’T GO SHARING YOUR DEVOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON… (BOOM!) Jennifer: DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! (BOOM!) DON’T GO SHARING YOUR DEVOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! Both: MWWWWWWWWWA!
(KNOCK! KNOCK!) Poe: Whistling (My favorite pair of lovers!) Michael: What is it Poe? Poe: Whistling (Which combo should we break out for tonight? I know Edgar and Allan want the standard Purple on White which we haven’t worn in any battle this year, and Darkness honestly doesn’t care just like me.) Jennifer: See for yourself! Poe: Whistling (BLACKOUT!? YIPPEE!) Jennifer: What did you think of our Mamma Mia sketch? Poe: Whistling (That’s so fitting for you two.) Michael: It is. Not to mention Jennifer felt like that we wouldn’t bring out the Wicked sketch again until we get the chance to attack the Swifties. Poe: Whistling (So no green beak tonight?) Jennifer: Not yet, but at least you guys get to wear all black again. Poe: Whistling (Sweet. I see you’re all dressed up for the occasion) Michael: I’m not thank goodness, but the princess that’s standing next to me is. Jennifer: MWA! Michael: And of course the mistletoe. Poe: Whistling (Jenn Jenn, at least you’re wearing a black turtleneck dress with leggings, and mini boots.) Jennifer: Well Poe, at least I still look pretty even though I’m trying to stay warm at the same time. Let me guess my love, you and the Salty Marylander are going no sleeves even though it’s going to be chilly. Michael: No doubt, that’s just who we are. Anyways, FELLOW BEASTS! I THINK IT’S TIME TO BRING OUT THE BLACKOUT GEAR AGAIN! Marylander: I thought we were wearing Purple on White tonight. Michael: I had second thoughts about that. If we’re going to take down the three most powerful armies in the land back to back to back, WE’RE WEARING OUR MOST FORMAL ATTIRE! And by formal I don’t mean tuxedos and gowns because that’s not our style and everyone except Jennifer is very casual but you get my point. Jennifer: Thanks again. Anyways, what Michael means by formal can best be described by us breaking out into one color… ALL BLACK!
(BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “B-MORE! HEY I’M SAYING B-MORE! THIS IS FLOCK NATION! PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE Y’ALL! ALL BLACK EVERYTHING! BLACK CARDS BLACK CARS ALL BLACK EVERYTHING!” (BOOM!) Marylander: HUNTING SEASON! (BOOM!) Kate: THE COLD ISN’T GOING TO BOTHER US ANYWAY! (BOOM!) Edgar: Whistling (ARRRRRR!) (BOOM!) Allan: Whistling (THE FUN BEGINS NOW!) (BOOM!) Darkness: Whistling (TIME TO ROCK AND ROLL!) (BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (THE FANTASTIC TERRORS HAVE COME OUT!) Marylander: Now where’s Michael and Jennifer? Edgar: Whistling (I don’t know, but we’re waiting on them) (BOOM!) “DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!!” Poe: Whistling (OH MY GOD! HERE THEY COME!) (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Michael/Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Raven Bros: Whistling (YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!) Michael: My fellow beasts, tonight we embark on perhaps our greatest and most epic adventure yet! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: For the next three weeks starting here this evening against that dreaded LSU/Pittsburgh menace, our mission is simple. Restore peace and eternity across the land! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: In order to do so however we have to ambush the Big 3. Beasts: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Michael: This may be the biggest risk we’ve ever taken which includes how our rivalry with the Swifties got underway last year, but Jennifer and I are doing this for you guys. Kate: Thanks Michael! Michael: You’re welcome Kate. Jennifer: We’re all here for a purpose. And that purpose is to rise up and conquer anything that comes our way, but also to have fun while doing so. Poe: Whistling (Couldn’t have said it any better) Michael: IT’S TIME TO CONQUER ALL! (Smoke Detector) Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(Under Armour Performance Center)
Henchgirls: YOU CAN DANCE! YOU CAN DANCE! HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE! OOOOH! SEE THAT GIRL! WATCH THAT SCENE! DIGGING THE DANCING QUEEN! (POP! POP! POP! POP!) Henchgirl 1: OH GOD HERE THEY COME! Livvy: Those fireworks are not a good sign at all. (BOOOOOOOM!) “HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT! THIS!! TOWN!!!” Michael: Hello Livvy Dunne! THIS TIME YOU’RE GOING DOWN FOR GOOD! Livvy: Not so fast, me and my henchgirls didn’t come all this way just to lose again. Jennifer: Now where’s your boyfriend!? Livvy: He decided not to come and stay behind. Allan: Whistling (BAD IDEA!) Michael: Agreed. GET THEM! (Where The Streets Have No Name playing) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Henchgirls: OOOOOOH! MORE FIREWORKS! Livvy: GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE CLOUDS!? (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Now they snap it here, on a direct snap, to Henry! Off to the races he goes! Stiff arming his way to the 11 yard line.” Henchgirl 4: That really hurt! Marylander: This is only the beginning. GIVE HER THE PAINTBALL GUN EDDIE! Edgar: Whistling (On it) “Deep deep drop, Jackson surveys, Jackson fires, caught (BOOOOOM!), touchdown. Rashod Bateman.” Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE! Kate: Hey Allan? Allan: Whistling (What is it Katie?) Kate: I think we too should go for a double kill like the Salty Marylander and Edgar just did. Allan: Whistling (I like it) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Pressure, throws, caught, but stopped just shy of the 1st Down, on his feet. But cannot get to the line to gain is Freiermuth.” Michael: Did you just see Darkness? He literally was surrounded by three henchgirls, and still got out of there without any pain! Poe: Whistling (We’re built for this buddy!) Michael: LOOK OUT POE! (BOOM!) “3rd and 2, pass to the outside is caught, and does he get the 1st Down, let’s see where they spot it. Washington tackles Freiermuth, and it looks like he’s a half yard short, 4th Down.” Poe: Whistling (No worries boss, I can dodge anything thrown my way) Michael: Good. Now I see that Kate and Allan are teaming up to try and hunt down a whole swarm of henchgirls. (BOOM!) “Look at the time he’s got, and when he has that and can’t find anybody this is what he does!” Kate: BANG BANG! Allan, it’s your turn. (BOOM! BOOM!) 12 plays, runs on every play! Can he get to the end zone, he can! Derrick Henry, touchdown.” Allan: Whistling (DOUBLE TROUBLE STRIKES AGAIN!)
Jennifer: Livvy has no idea what hit her. LIVVY HAS NO IDEA WHAT HIT HER! Michael: Right on. We’ve literally demolished half of her army that she brought down, and it’s only been 15 minutes. Jennifer: Looks like we came prepared for domination tonight. Michael: The two of us have literally just stood back and watched for the most part given that both us and Livvy haven’t been attacked at all. Jennifer: Well you and I work so well together both in crime fighting and as a romantic couple. Michael: I agree, but save those thoughts for later. (Everybody playing) COME ON SALTY MARYLANDER! FIRE UP ANOTHER KO! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Henchgirl 5: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander: ALRIGHT EDDIE! KNOCK HER OUT COLD! Edgar: Whistling (She’s on her knees, but I don’t care) “Jackson, flushed out, extends, throws on the run, caught (BOOOOOOOM!), Touchdown! Justice Hill.” Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE! BIG TRUZZ! Michael: Man Edgar and the Salty Marylander are putting on a clinic here! Jennifer: I know! Even though the two of us get the most attention and rightfully so, those two have been carrying us tonight.” Michael: They didn’t learn from that battle at Fort McHenry a few weeks ago didn’t they. Jennifer: The Dunnes probably assumed that myself and Poe would draw the most attention given that we were dressed like Glinda and Elphaba. And luckily for us, we still possess those powers even if we’re in all black tonight. Michael: A blessing in disguise if I say so myself. (BOOM!) “Look out, Wilson avoids a safety, and the pass up at the 29 yard line is taken in by Calvin Austin.” Jennifer: And now Livvy has seen enough and has entered the battlefield. Michael: Luckily you and I haven’t done so just yet given how well the rest of us have done, but Livvy knows that most of her troops are down, and needs to make something happen. Jennifer: It’s funny how we’ve fared better off here tonight compared to a few weeks ago. Michael: That’s what donning all black does to you. Jennifer: Hehe. Off topic in regards to this battle, what do you think of me not wearing a coat over my dress? Michael: You followed my advice from when we first met very well even though you have long sleeves and leggings to keep you warm. Jennifer: I sure did. (BOOM!) “Blocking is good up front. Pass is caught for the touchdown! Van Jefferson!” Livvy: YES I AM INVINCIBLE! TAKE THAT KATE THE GREAT! (WHOOSH!) Kate: You forgot I was injected with a healing spell. Poe: Whistling (UNLIIIIIMITED!) Marylander: Even though his beak isn’t green tonight, the Legend of Elpha-Poe is alive and well! Kate: TIME TO GIVE THE REST OF THE HENCHGIRLS A SMACKDOWN! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “They get their two big stars back. Meanwhile! There goes Henry! There goes Henry, all the way for the touchdown.” Kate: If I wasn’t considered a true beast before tonight, I am one now! Marylander: There you go Kate! The two of us and Edgar have taken matters into our own hands. Edgar: Whistling (Michael and Jennifer have to feel really good about the rest of us right now)
Livvy: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY DYNASTY!? Looks like the only way I can succeed is if I run away back to Pittsburgh. AND THANK GOD WE BROUGHT MOTORCYCLES WITH US! “Jaylen Warren back in, down the sideline, Pickens makes the grab! And he goes in for the touchdown.” Poe: Whistling (Looks like there aren’t any other troops out on the practice field) Darkness: Whistling (Thank goodness. Now where’s Livvy) (VROOM!) Michael: Looks like she’s seen enough and is trying to run away back to Pittsburgh via motorcycle. Jennifer: YES! Michael: Why are you so excited? Jennifer: You and I haven’t done anything significant all night, and now we get to chase her down to finish this off! Michael: I see. Alright guys, you all can head back to the headquarters and cue up a Camden Style dance party. (Eye Of The Untold Raven by Lindsey Stirling playing) LOOKS LIKE JENNIFER AND I ARE GOING AFTER LIVVY! Marylander: GO GET EM OUT THERE! Poe: Whistling (This is going to be so romantic) Jennifer: Thanks, you ready my love? Michael: I WAS BORN READY!
(VROOOOOOOOOOM! VROOOOOOOOOOM!) Michael: Come on, come on, where is she? Jennifer: She’s on 695 and is heading towards the BWI area. Michael: If we can sneak up on her, we can ultimately chase her right into the city instead of towards the countryside. Jennifer: Luckily for us this motorcycle has police lights on it so we won’t get caught for speeding. Michael: Damn right. LET’S GET MOVING! Livvy: AH FREEDOM! (VROOM!) OH NO! “Wilson. Down he goes. Back at the 35 yard line. Madubuike again.” Jennifer: I can see her! Michael: We’re going to try and reroute her into going towards the city. Jennifer: Exactly. Livvy: UGH! IT’S NOT THE POLICE! IT’S MICHAEL AND JENNIFER! “Deep down the left sideline, a little bit of pushing off there, and again it’s Pickens.” Jennifer: We rerouted her, but she’s thrown Terrible Towels into the road to try and trip us up. Michael: Not gonna happen! I think both of our motorcycles have propellers so if she tries heading towards the Bay, we’ve got her locked down. Livvy: YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET ME BECAUSE I’M RIDING ON THE WATER! Michael: BIG MISTAKE! (BOOM!) “Pickens wide left, Wilson, looking straight over the middle, Wilson throws that moonball into tight coverage, and it’s knocked down.” Michael: Jennifer, I’m going to hit the eject button which means that you’ll be lifted up into the air, you’ll grab Livvy, and throw her into the water to finish this off. YOU GOT ME! Jennifer: I would do anything for you! (BOING!) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Livvy: Where’s that sound coming from? “So here you got the push. And Mark Andrews playing the role of Jalen Hurts, and that’ll basically end the game.” (SPLASH!) Livvy: AAAAAAAA! COLD! COLD! COLD! SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE! Michael: WE DID IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Jennifer: LIVVY’S HOPES OF OVERTAKING THE SWIFTIE EMPIRE AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THE CHARM CITY BEASTS ARE OFFICIALLY DUNNE! Michael: There you go. For as high as the two of us are right now which I know is incredibly esthetic, I’ve got one piece of advice. Jennifer: And what would that be my handsome prince? Michael: DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! DON’T GO SHARING YOUR DEVOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON… Jennifer: DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!! DON’T GO SHARING YOUR DEVOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME!!!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Raven Bros: Whistling (THANK U, NEXT! THANK U, NEXT! THANK U, NEXT! WE’RE SO FLOCKIN GRATEFUL FOR OUR EX!) (WHOOSH!) Michael: Mission accomplished! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: This was probably the most dominating display we’ve had since we ambushed the Mafian Horde on Blackout Night back in September. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Jennifer: Looks like the Blackout outfits have been our good luck charm, and from this point forward, we’re going to be rocking these looks in every battle that we have until we finally are able to restore peace and excitement across the land. Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: Anyways, Edgar, do the honors of checking off the Dunne Dynasty on that whiteboard. Edgar: Whistling (Gotcha) Beasts: WOOOOOOOOAH! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Smoke Detector) Michael: Darkness, cue up Camden Style! Darkness: Whistling (Lets have some fun) (Gangnam Style playing) Jennifer: Well, well, well, the Raven Brothers are taking all of this in as they should. Michael: I know the two of us said on the way back we’re not going to waste any of our emotions for just one victory. Jennifer: Agreed. We won’t be dancing unless we absolutely want to, and right now I’m just not up for it. Michael: Same. A rematch with the Mafian Horde is right around the corner, and you and I are going to have a massive say in what happens in that battle. Jennifer: True dat. Although I am in the mood for a kiss. Michael: I knew that was coming out of your mouth. Jennifer: Hehehehe. Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! “WHOOP EM GANGNAM STYLE!” Raven Bros: Whistling (HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) Marylander: LETS GET IT! Kate: WOO HOO! I’M LOVING THIS PARTY! Raven Bros: Whistling (HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!) Michael: Salty Marylander, I know you’ve got a question. Marylander: A QUESTION IF I MAY! WHO HAS IT BETTER THAN US! Beasts: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!!!
(CHARM CITY BEASTS)
Bragging Rights Sports 