The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:
BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS
A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION
(Advent Spiral playing)
Michael: We come from a city that refuses to get rattled no matter what the circumstances are.
Jennifer: We’ve been fighting for our lives against some of the greatest enemies that mankind has to offer.
Michael: We may have different backgrounds and beliefs, but we share the same vision.
Jennifer: A vision of defending the city and area that we call home no matter the cost.
Michael: This time around the story of trying to hold off a major superpower is no different.
Jennifer: Fellow Marylanders, if you’ll believe in what we tell you, it’ll help us in spirit to the point where we can defeat our next big opponent.
Michael: And that foe wants to challenge our biggest rival as the most unstoppable force in the land.
Jennifer: Their master has her secrets alright.
Michael: And one of those was trying to convince us to join her.
Jennifer: But as we all knew, it was all a pretty little lie.
Michael: There will be one phrase that will be ushered by everyone in Baltimore by the time this battle is complete in front of a dramatic setting.
Jennifer: A phrase that will best describe how everyone in this town feels about the force that is trying to knock us off.
Michael/Jennifer/Poe: NO! ONE! MOURNS! THE! WICKED!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
BALTIMORE VS PITTSBURGH
PURPLE REIGN PURPLE REIGN
“DEEP INTO THAT DARKNESS PEERING LONG I STOOD THERE WONDERING THE FEARING. DOUBTING, DREAMING DREAMS NO MORTAL HAS EVER DARED TO DREAM BEFORE. BUT THE SILENCE WAS UNBROKEN AND MY SOUL WAS STRONGER, HESITATING THEN NO LONGER. HERE I OPENED WIDE OF THE DOOR, DARKNESS THERE AND NOTHING MORE! ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT DREARY WHILE I PONDERED DARK AND WEARY. IN STEPPED AN UNLIT RAVEN OMINOUS AND EAGER TO SOAR. AND THE DEAFENING RUSTLING OF EACH PURPLE CURTAIN THRILLED ME. FILLED ME WITH FANTASTIC TERRORS NEVER FELT BEFORE! SO THAT NOW TO STILL THE BEATING OF MY HEART I STOOD REPEATING QUOTH THE RAVEN NEVERMORE. AND THE RAVENS NEVER BREAKING STILL PACING STILL WAITING FOR THAT DIM NOCTURNAL BATTLE! THE FLOCK BUILDING! CLAMORING!! BOOMING!!! AND THE EYES HAVE ALL THE SEEING OF A DEMON THAT IS DREAMING! ONLY THIS, AND NOTHING MORE! QUOTH THE YINZERS NEVERMORE!” -Edgar Allan Poe
CHARM CITY BEASTS
UNLIMITED POWER IS UPON US
SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE SIMPLE AND CRAZY
THE ULTIMATE REVENGE STORY HAS COME
WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING ON THE LINE
AND NO MARGIN FOR ERROR FOR THOSE FAIL
MICHAEL HESSION
JENNIFER SHOEMAKER
POE
THE SALTY MARYLANDER
KATE THE GREAT
EDGAR
ALLAN
DARKNESS
SEASON 5 EPISODE 8: BEAST-DUNNE MAYLAY: THE UNLIIIIIMITED BALTIMOREANS
(December 17 2024, Dunne Fortress, Baton Rouge LA)
Livvy: Our big break has finally come! Henchgirl 1: What do you mean by that? Livvy: WE HAVE FOUND IT! Calling all Henchgirls, we have found the Doomsday Device that will help us overtake the Swifties as the most powerful superpower in the land! Henchgirls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Livvy: Once we fully operate this device. We will use it on the Swifties and vanquish their entire airship. And once we do, Tay-Tay will have no choice but to yield. However, in order to pull this off, we’re going to need help. Henchgirl 2: But we have the Doomsday Device, what else do we need? Livvy: I know, but we don’t have the experience to pull this off. There is one thing we need to do. Henchgirl 3: WE NEED TO CAPTURE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Henchgirls: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! Livvy: Yes I know, I admire those guys so much but as I’ve told you, I’m going to use them to try and help us take down Taylor Swift! Skenes: How are we going to get them? Livvy: Simple, originally their relentless leader Michael Hession and I agreed that I would come over this weekend to watch several films on how to exploit the Swiftie Empire’s weaknesses. However I had 2nd thoughts. Henchgirl 1: Why’s that Livvy? Livvy: WE’RE GOING TO IMPRESS THEM! Henchgirl 3: By doing what? Livvy: WE’RE GOING TO ATTACK FORT MCHENRY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT! Henchgirls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Livvy: And if they can’t stop us despite how much respect we have for them, then they’ll have no choice but to join us. LOOK OUT BALTIMORE! THE DUNNE DYNASTY IS ABOUT TO RIP THROUGH THE ENTIRE CITY!
(Powerplant Complex, Baltimore MD)
Michael: For the 2nd year in row, the Raven Brothers have decided to go Top Golfing! Kate: You couldn’t have asked for a better day too. Temperature around 65 degrees, and rarely any wind to speak of. Marylander: SHIRT SLEEVE WEATHER! Michael: Easy, easy shirt sleeve weather. Jennifer: Well for me it’s not legging weather, well maybe not until this weekend because it’s going to be in the 30s. Michael: I feel you. Alright folks. It’s time for these birds to take their swings. If you recall last year’s swingoff, Edgar edged out Poe in a close one. And though the weather today is much more appealing than it was a year ago, the wind is blowing towards the west which means almost every single ball hit will be knocked down. And just like last year, Allan, you start us off. Allan: Whistling (Don’t think too much. Don’t think too much) Marylander: And he’s going with the driver to start. (WHOOSH!) Michael: Looks like he got a windbreak as the ball traveled 216 yards. For more on how the Raven Brothers are strategizing in these conditions, let’s go over to Kate Addison. Kate: Michael, it may be 66 degrees and warm outside but the wind is blowing up to 12-15 MPH. I asked Poe about this, and he said as translated in bird language you can’t be worried about it, all you must focus on is hitting the heck out of the ball. Michael: Thanks Kate, and here is Poe stepping up to the tee box. Marylander: Lets see what he’s got? (WHOOSH!) Michael: I like this, a line drive shot that takes a friendly bounce, and considering that the grass hasn’t been watered in days it’s going to roll an extra 40 yards. Marylander: Add that up to a 239 yard drive. Michael: Well that wasn’t as good of a shot compared to Allan’s but Poe got a much better hop. Poe: Whistling (Yes. Game on Edgar!) Marylander: COME ON EDDIE SHOW EM WHAT YOU GOT! Michael: Hey you can’t be biased in the skits. Marylander: My bad. Michael: If you couldn’t tell, the Salty Marylander is trying to hype up his best friend Edgar like he always does. Marylander: And luckily the wind has died down a bit and considering that unlike last year you only get one stroke, this is his only chance to maintain his title. (WHOOSH!) Michael: That ball is hit a mile! Marylander: He definitely swung for the fences. (BANG!) Michael: OOOOH! IT HIT THE GOLF CART! Marylander: LOOK OUT AND JENNIFER AND KATE! Jennifer: Salty Marylander, we’re ok. That ball hit the roof of the cart, and luckily this cart has a zipper which keeps us from the open air. Michael: Well you’re lucky that you didn’t get hit. Anyways that ball went 230 yards although if not for the cart it could have been a 250 yard shot. Marylander: Now here comes Darkness, the only one of the birds that didn’t get to go last year. Michael: He may lay the size and physical talent, but he does have a strong minded heart. (WHOOSH!) Marylander: Probably the shortest shot, but if he can get a good bounce he’s got a chance. Michael: And he is going to get a good bounce. But not quite enough. 210 after a 45 yard hop, and Poe has won the Top Golf Skit for 2024! Marylander: He kinda got lucky for the golf cart being in the way, but hey a win is a win. Michael: Jennifer, it looks like you got up here quickly to interview Poe which is crazy because you have heels on. Jennifer: Yes I did Michael! Poe, you knew what the challenge was going to be from a weather perspective, and you conquered it. How do you feel? Poe: Whistling (It feels great! On a windy day like this even though I love me some warm weather, it’s so important to get that one great shot and I got it) Jennifer: Speaking of that shot, you went for a line drive approach which ultimately led to getting a 40 yard bounce. Was that part of the plan? Poe: Whistling (No it wasn’t, but I’m happy it ended up that way because I would have been mad had I lost.) Jennifer: Alright Poe, go enjoy yourself as always. Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy!) Jennifer: Michael back to you. Michael: Well that was some skit I tell you… (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) (Ravens release Diontae Johnson following banning him from team events) Marylander: START SPREADING THE NEWS! PAUSE.
(Rumors playing) Michael: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Baltimore Ravens are the equal of Caves Valley Country Club. That’s a statement that would make Steve Bisciotti himself pleased. For those who want to succeed in this organization, you not only have to live up to the high expectations, but you must also be on your best behavior at the same time. Diontae Johnson is not one of those people. Stop me when you’ve heard this story before? A WR that gets drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers, excels in the Steel City, becomes a 1000 yard receiver, has high potential, then becomes a diva almost overnight, is let go by those Yinzers, he then carries his diva personality everywhere he goes, and as a result his production also falls off while throwing a hissy fit at coaches. Marylander: My kingdom for a man that can hang onto his long term future in this league longer than a loaf of bread. Michael: Spot on. What’s interesting about this whole situation was that back at the trade deadline this was looked at as a smart move by the Ravens. Getting a productive receiver as well as preventing a team like Kansas City or Houston from getting him made a ton of sense especially considering that the Ravens didn’t have to give up much either. But what we didn’t look at was his character issues and how much of a negative effect he had on the offense. Notice how in both Pittsburgh and Carolina each offense got better once he was let go of. And if last week against the Giants is any indication, the Ravens offense may have just righted the ship for the rest of the season. One more thing. Whenever you wear #18 for the Ravens you are destined to be a bust. Marylander: Didn’t Roquan wear that before last year? Michael: Yes, but he dodged a major bullet. Whether it’s Elvis Grbac, Donte Stallworth, Breshad Perriman, or now Diontae Johnson bad things happen when you wear that number. Marylander: What about Jeremy Maclin? Michael: I’ll give him a pass because he was injured at the end of the year in 2017 and was solid leading up to that especially given that Alex Collins had come on the scene that year. Marylander: I see. Good point. Michael: In conclusion. The real winner of the Diontae Johnson trade wasn’t the Panthers. It was those dreaded Yinzers. Not only did they get rid of another diva at WR despite his production in Pittsburgh, but they also got a quality corner in Donte Jackson and a mid round pick in the trade that sent Diontae to Charlotte. Marylander: The fact that they cut him leading up to the rematch is even more hilarious than it already has been for Steelers fans. Michael: As long as this doesn’t carry over to Sunday we’re fine. Anyways, the Football Gods show no mercy. Amen. PAUSE.
(Let It Go playing) “Brown, he caught it, fights to the goal line, BREAKS THE PLAIN! TOUCHDOWN PITTSBURGH! THAT MIGHT WIN THEM THE DIVISION!” “Down the right sideline, Antonio Brown!” “Here it is to the end zone! And it’s broken up!” “Jackson flings it, Andrews, CAN’T GET TO IT!” “Pickett, flushed, pressured, throws on the run. CAUGHT BY HARRIS! FOR A TOUCHDOWN!” “Pickett lines up a deep ball, SEPARATION, TOUCHDOWN!” “Jackson, keeping it, Jackson faking, Jackson tosses! Incomplete! The pressure was there.” Michael: It’s been a rough time for Ravens fans myself included in the NFL’s Ultimate Rivalry over the last 8 years. Since the Immaculate Extension on Christmas 2016 which was win or go home, it has been all Steelers. They’ve won 12 of 16 and most of those have been in heartbreaking fashion. In a rivalry as great as this one has been, one game or moment can have a massive effect on the long term future of these two teams from a head to head standpoint. In 2007, the Steelers crushed the Ravens on Monday Night Football 38-7 on a night in which Pittsburgh not only honored their 75th Anniversary Team, but gave Steve McNair a career ending injury. The Steelers would win 8 of the next 10 meetings between the two teams including twice in the AFC Championship Game. Then on Opening Day 2011, the Ravens demolished Pittsburgh 35-7 in a game that saw Ben Roethlisberger turn the ball over 7 times. Baltimore would win 9 of the next 12 meetings which was sandwiched in between Super Bowl XLVII and another deep run which saw the Ravens knocked off the top seed Steelers in 2014. This time, the Boys in Purple have the chance to shift the balance of power in this nearly 30 year old rivalry back on their side. Not only that, but think about the long term future. If Pittsburgh wins this game they will clinch the division at M&T Bank Stadium for the third time since 2001. Jennifer: And in each year they knocked us out of the playoffs too. Michael: Yup. Not to mention Lamar Jackson has the most at stake. Not only has he never played the Steelers at home in his 7 year career outside of COVID19, but think about what this means for a potential Super Bowl run? Whenever the Ravens have lost in the playoffs since at least 2019, every team that has beaten them has used Mike Tomlin’s blueprint on how to beat the Ravens, including the Kansas City Chiefs. If the Ravens win this game, it would give them not only a massive confidence boost and a great chance to win the division, but the feeling that they can beat anybody at any time no matter who they have and where the game is played in. Marylander: Also, CAN THE MEDIA PLEASE STOP THE LOVE FOR JOSH ALLEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Michael: Salty Marylander, he can have the MVP all he wants, as long as the Ravens knock Buffalo out of the playoffs we’re fine. Marylander: I know, but Bills fans are getting as toxic as Bengals and Titans fans were before them. Michael: Don’t forget the Yinzers because well the Yinzers. Marylander: I don’t want CELEBRITY REFBALL of fumbles, or beating themselves anymore. JUST BEAT THOSE DREADED STILLERS FOR ONCE IN YOUR DAMN LIVES! Michael: Most importantly, we need to shut up he who shall not be named. Marylander: PQ! That Dua Lipa loving patsy is about to regret the day he crossed King Henry XXII! Michael: That man is our ex for a reason, and if he don’t know, he gon’ learn today! PAUSE.
“We interrupt this program to inform you that the rest of this episode features the Charm City Beasts finally getting the chance at Livvy Dunne as well as her fast rising dynasty. As a heads up, there will be all kinds of Wickedness thrust upon the city of Baltimore to the point where two of the most critical members of the beasts will be dressed as the main characters from the movie/musical. If you want another war to go along with that between those Swifties of Arrowhead, you have it right here.” PAUSE.
(December 21 2024, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT COME ON SURRENDER I WON’T NEED YOUR LOVING STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT YEAH! YOUR LOVES A WEAPON GIVE YOUR BODY SOME DIRECTION THATS MY AIM! THEN WE COULD TAKE BACK THE NORTH! COME ON USE ME UP UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT! TAKE BACK THE NORTH! RAVENS NATION IS INDEED BACK UP AGAIN! TAKE BACK THE NORTH! OOOH! DON’T KNOW WHEN THE PURPLE RISES NEXT! TAKE BACK THE NORTH! SO GET THE FEELINGS RIGHT AND RAISE YOUR GLASS TO THIS! TAKE BACK THE NORTH! (WHOOSH!) Poe: Whistling (BUDDY!) Michael: Oh look at you Poe! Oh should I say Elpha-Poe. Poe: Whistling (How do I look?) Michael: Poe, you look great, the green beak and witch hat fits right in. You even have your Salute to Service combo on too. Poe: Whistling (I am so amped up to take down Livvy Dunne) Michael: You better be. How did your brothers react? Poe: Whistling (They loved the witch outfit, Edgar was flexing like he always does) Michael: I know right. Poe: Whistling (Just so you know, they also have new ugly Christmas sweaters) Michael: What do they look like? Poe: Whistling (It has some trees and the Ravens logo on there. It’s all purple and black) Michael: Nice. Is everyone ready? Poe: Whistling (Kate’s ready. She has an all purple scuba suit on due to the cold. So are myself, Edgar, Allan, and Darkness) Michael: What about Jennifer? Poe: Whistling (Well she’s still getting dressed) Michael: Well it makes sense since she’s trying to go full Glinda tonight. At least I’m in all purple instead of dressing like Fiyero. I got my JT jersey on, and like the Salty Marylander, I’m going sleeveless even in freezing temperatures. Poe: Whistling (My boy!) Michael: Alright, I need to check in with my true love if you mind. Poe: Whistling (Ok, you do you)
Jennifer: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! DON’T PROVE I’M RIGHT! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! DON’T BRING ME TO TEARS WHEN I JUST DID MY MAKEUP SO NICE! HEARTBREAK IS ONE THING MY EGO’S ANOTHER! I BEG YOU DON’T EMBARRASS ME MICHAEL HESSION! OH! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! (WHOOSH!) Michael: NO DISRESPECT I DON’T MEAN NO HARM! Jennifer: TALK TO ME BOY! Michael: I CAN’T WAIT TO CRUSH LIVVY DUNNE! Jennifer: TALK TO ME BOY! Michael: HURRY UP CUZ YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG! Jennifer: TALK TO ME BOY! Michael: BETTER HAVE YOUR NECK BY THE END OF THIS SONG! Jennifer: I’m sorry it’s taking me so long. Although I liked how you changed the song on a dime Michael: I’m not a big Sabrina fan, but hey you can listen to whatever artist you want as long as it’s not Tay-Tay or Hailee Steinfeld. Jennifer: You’re damn right! Anyways, what do you think? Michael: The fact that you literally look just like Ariana Grande did during that movie especially with how much makeup you have on is incredible. Jennifer: Thank you so much. Well I didn’t wear the fairy dress that has been seen in almost every major advertisement involving the movie, but hey at least I am in what looks to be close to the same dress she wore to the Ozdust Ballroom except none of you will be able to see it because I have a giant pink coat on to keep me warm. Michael: Makes sense. At least you have purple boots on just for good measure Jennifer: I’m tough, but not as tough as you or the Salty Marylander. Michael: I agree. Anyways, we should go, the others are waiting for us, and the Dunnes have just arrived downtown. Jennifer: Alright then, before we go out, you know what I want. Michael: I don’t even need to say it considering that look on your face. Jennifer: I love you so much! Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Michael: ARIGHT! LETS GO!
Marylander: What is taking them so long. Allan: Whistling (I get Jennifer and Poe’s reasoning, but Michael’s? Not sure) (GONG! GONG! GONG!) Kate: I can hear something. Edgar: Whistling (Looks like Darkness cued up the theme from League of Legends on that jukebox) (BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT THIS TOWN! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) HERE WE ARE DON’T TURN AWAY NOW! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) WE ARE THE WARRIORS THAT BUILT! THIS!! TOWN!!!” (BOOM!) Marylander: LOOK! IT’S GLINDA! (BOOM!) Kate: AND ELPHA-POE! “FROM DUST!” (BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Michael: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Raven Bros: Whistling (MICHAEL!) Michael: WELCOME TO WICKED NIGHT FELLOW BEASTS! Marylander/Kate/Raven Bros: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MYSELF, JENNIFER, AND POE ARE READY FOR THIS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED OCCASION HERE TONIGHT! Marylander/Kate/Raven Bros: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: TIME TO LAY AN ASS WHOOPING ON THE DUNNES! Jennifer: YOU’RE GOING DOWN LIVVY! Marylander/Kate/Raven Bros: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(Fort McHenry)
(Steeler Polka playing) Henchgirls: WE’RE FROM THE TOWN WITH THAT GREAT FOOTBALL TEAM! WE CHEER THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS! Livvy: Baltimore, Maryland. It looks like we’re about to make ourselves known tonight. Henchgirls: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (For Whom The Bell Tolls playing) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Livvy: Why are there stadium type fireworks getting shot off. Michael: I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK! Livvy: THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! MAN YOU GUYS LOOK AWESOME! Michael: I know. This is our territory and you’ve gotta deal with us. Livvy: Well considering that two of you guys did a Wicked impersonation, I definitely believe that you guys came to win. BUT SO DID WE! Michael: Give it up Livvy! We knew you were going to attack us this whole time. Livvy: I mean when you consider that I have been planning to ruin the Swifties Christmas Party, you guys would be the perfect addition for that task. Jennifer: Here’s the thing, if you want us, YOU GOTTA BEAT US! Livvy: Ok Shoemaker, you and whichever mascot is the witch. Jennifer: It’s Poe. Livvy: Like the cloak Poe, anyways but you’re still going down. Michael: GET THEM! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Jackson, pressure coming, steps away, oh ball is out, it is loose. Who’s gonna get it!” Henchgirl 1: TAKE THAT RAVEN BIRD! “And it stays with Baltimore.” Allan: Whistling (Hello!) Henchgirl 1: NOW YOU’RE GETTING IT! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “King from the 31. Breaks a tackle, Desmond King, straight through! Ball is out!” Henchgirl 1: YES! THAT BIRD IS DOWN! “I think Baltimore jumped on it.” Allan: Whistling (No I’m not!) Henchgirl 1: UGH! Are you Edgar, Allan, Poe, and who’s the fourth bird? Allan: Whistling (I’m Allan, and that fourth bird is my younger cousin Darkness. Anyways, now you die!) (BOOOOOOOM!) “Jackson, looking to throw, floats one up there, Likely is in. Touchdown Baltimore.” Henchgirl 1: AAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) Kate: WAY TO GO ALLAN! Allan: Whistling (Up top!) (SLAP!) Kate: No time to celebrate now, they’ve got control of one of the cannons on site. I repeat, THEY HAVE CONTROL OF ONE OF THE CANNONS! Michael: Oh great, we’re in trouble. Although I must ask, does Jennifer and Poe have the same powers that Glinda and Elphaba have in Wicked? Kate: They do, especially Poe.
Michael: Now I see why they’re not going anywhere near him. However they’ve picked on Darkness big time. (BOOM!) “Wilson, looking, fires over the middle, a dart, it’s caught, and down to the 1 yard line. Van Jefferson.” (BOOM!) “It’s a play fake, Wilson throwing end zone, it is caught for the touchdown. MyCole Pruitt hauls it in.” Michael: Jennifer! Jennifer: Yes my love. Michael: Go revive Darkness with a healing spell. Jennifer: On it. Henchgirl 2: C’MERE GLINDA! “Here’s Wilson again, rolling, a big scene there, Wilson gonna take off, look at him go! Inside the 10! Russell Wilson decked inside the 5.” Jennifer: OUCH! Michael: What just happened? Jennifer: One of Livvy’s troopers just horse-collar tackled me. Michael: At least the ground isn’t wet, and you’re wearing a long pink coat so you aren’t too damaged. Jennifer: Blessed. NOW GO AND GET THAT GIRL! Michael: YUP, SHE’S A DEAD MEAT! Henchgirl 2: UNLIIIIMITED… OUCH! “BALL COMES OUT! Who’s gonna grab it? RAVENS HAVE IT!” (PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!) Michael: KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRL!!! Salty Marylander, how’s it going up on the top of the hill? Marylander: Well Edgar and I have gotten the biggest draw as usual. Michael: What do you mean usual? When we went against the gangsters, they went right for Jennifer. Edgar: Whistling (In the fight against the Horde before Jennifer went on the roof, they went for both of us) Michael: I see. Marylander: BUT WE’RE STANDING TALL LIKE ALWAYS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Here’s Jackson, play pass, fires over the middle, and it is caught there, Flowers down to the 30, 1st Down Ravens.” Kate: Did you guys see what just happened? Michael: What? “Personal Foul, Roughing the Facemask, Defense #39, 15 yard penalty from the end of play, Automatic 1st Down.” Kate: Allan got hit by a cannonball and didn’t suffer any pain. Jennifer: Well you can thank my healing spell for that. Michael: This is why you’re here Jennifer. Jennifer: Thanks my love, now go kick some ass out there! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “3rd and 8, Jackson, going end zone, it is caught! Bateman, Touchdown!” Henchgirl 3: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) Michael: Looks like she’s going to freeze herself to death in the harbor tonight.
(BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “3rd and 5, pressure on Wilson, tries to get away, he is sacked!” Edgar/Marylander: SHAKE AND BAKE! Henchgirl 4: RASCALS! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “51 yards, great hold there, Tucker’s kick is up, and it is good. What a hold that was by Jordan Stout.” Marylander: And that cannonball machine they claim is out of balls. Michael: Lovely, now they must use their own bare hands. Marylander: Actually I take that back because they have more troops coming via airplanes. Michael: Why didn’t they just get an airship like the Swifties have. Jennifer: It’s because they don’t have the money yet. OOF! Almost got hit there. Michael: Don’t say that just yet. Thank goodness you’re hanging in there. Kate: No, they just have two jets that keep going back and forth from here and their base in Pittsburgh. Let me see if I can shoot it down. “Boswell is drilled, it is up and it is good.” Kate: No luck. But hey we’re still winning the battle out there. Michael: Exactly. None of us have been seriously injured, and not to mention Jennifer and Poe having Glinda and Elphaba’s powers injected inside them is really helping. Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy) Michael: Poe, I am shocked that not a single member of the Dunne Dynasty hasn’t gone anywhere near you. Poe: Whistling (Well two of them did, and because of my ability to move things with using a powerful force instead of my talons, I sent them right into the Inner Harbor) Michael: NICE! We definitely came prepared for tonight. Poe: Whistling (We sure did buddy!) Kate: GUYS! LOOK! Michael: Just what I thought. Jennifer: So it looks like Livvy is using a similar spell device that Dr Facilier used in the film the Princess and the Frog. Michael: Now I see why the two of us and Poe watched that movie the other night. Jennifer: Well duh because I knew that Livvy was going to be wearing a similar spell necklace. Michael: Well she wore just that when we visited her in Pittsburgh last month. Kate: AAAAAAAA! “Wilson with time, looking for a deep ball, gonna take a shot down there, Austin turns around! Is he inbounds? HE IS! Calvin Austin, how did he do that!” Michael: And as soon as I say this, she uses that same spell on Kate. Jennifer: Salty Marylander and Edgar get you magnets ready because we might need to rip that necklace away from Livvy. Edgar: Whistling (Aye Shoemaker!) “Cordarrelle Patterson in the game in the backfield as Wilson to throw. Floating one for Patterson, goes up! HANGS ON! TOUCHDOWN PITTSBURGH!” Michael: And now the Salty Marylander and Edgar are down. Jennifer: Also my healing spell isn’t as effective anymore because of Livvy’s spell. Michael: Oh good lord.
Jennifer: Michael, we didn’t come this far to fall here tonight. Michael: You’re right! We must fight fire with fire. ELPHA-POE! Poe: Whistling (What is it buddy?) Michael: Get ready, they’re coming right for you. Poe: Whistling (I’ve gotcha covered) Henchgirls: BLACK AND YELLOW! BLACK AND YELLOW! BLACK AND YELLOW! Poe: Whistling (Time to be punished!) (WHOOSH!) “Jackson zips it over the middle, it’s caught! For the touchdown! Mark Andrews for 6.” Henchgirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) Poe: Whistling UNLIIIIIMITED! TOGETHER WE’RE UNLIIIIIMITED!) Jennifer: Don’t say that just yet Poe. Michael: We need to rip that spell necklace off of Livvy and smash it into pieces. Poe: Whistling (I see) Michael: Looks like the Skenemister is charging right towards Poe. And he’s got all kinds of powers too. Skenes: AAAAAAAAAAAAA! “They are gonna go. Wilson back. Loading up, going for it all, deep down the field for Austin, Incomplete! Hamilton broke it up!” (PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!) Skenes: OUCH THAT REALLY HURT! Michael: This is what you and your girl deserve for trying to invade our city. NOW CHUCK HIS ASS STRAIGHT INTO THE HARBOR POE! “Henry, Henry around the left side, UH OH! DERRICK HENRY! FOOTRACE! Down at the 10!” (WHOOSH!) Skenes: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (SPLASH!) Michael: How about that tag team move right there. Jennifer: My true love and my TV bestie have come up big tonight. Michael: I know! Which is odd because with you dressing up like Glinda I thought they’d focus more on you but ever since the Salty Marylander, Edgar, and Kate were deemed powerless by Livvy’s spell, me and Poe have done the real damage. (BOOM!) “Jackson, OH AND IT’S INTERCEPTED! Minkah Fitzpatrick has it. The All Pro, cutting back, looking for a whole run, OH WHAT A BIG PLAY!” Jennifer: And now Livvy just took out Allan, and Darkness. Michael: And now she’s walking right towards us.
Livvy: You had the chance to beat my dynasty Charm City Beasts. You blew it! Michael: We haven’t blown anything yet. Livvy: Yes you have, you had the chance to defeat us before my spell went into full effect. Jennifer: You may have consumed some of us whole, but you didn’t consume the three of us. Livvy: I don’t care you Glinda lookalike! You had the chance to team up with me in order for us to conquer the Swiftie Empire, but you chose death. You chose to risk your lives in order to defend your home city. Michael: And we did what was right for us. We would never help out anyone who has their headquarters based in Pittsburgh. Livvy: I have two of them thanks to the money you donated to me. Pittsburgh and Baton Rouge. Jennifer: You get our point. Livvy: Now you’re on the verge of being left with no choice but to join me. Michael: I got news for you Missy. YOU JUST COST YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO STEAL PERHAPS THE BEST SUPERHERO TEAM IN THE LAND! (WHOOSH!) Poe: Whistling (THE MAGNET!) Michael: GOODNIGHT! (BOOM!) Michael: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Friends On The Other Side playing) “Play fake, Wilson pressure, HAS TO GET RID OF IT! THAT’S PICKED OFF! THE OTHER WAY! MARLON HUMPHREY! PICK SIX! Livvy: MY SPELL! MY SPELL! The Raven Brothers, and Kate the Great? I thought I had consumed your brains? Kate/Raven Bros: ARE YOU READY! Livvy: No, I’m not ready at all. In fact, I am deemed powerless. Kate/Raven Bros: ARE YOU READY! Livvy: Stop, stop it. Michael: GIVE IT UP LIVVY! Your plan was a failure! Livvy: Not really, as soon as I get another plane to arrive here in Baltimore, you guys are in trouble. Jennifer: Without that spell giving your troops extra powers, you have no hope. Livvy: STOP IT GLINDA! Jennifer: Elpha-Poe finish her off please! Poe: Whistling (Sandman Time!) (WHOOSH!) “Jackson, stands in, going deep, has a man. It is caught! Flowers, still up on his feet, and breaks through! Finally taken down inside the 40.” “23 yard field goal for him. Hit from 51 earlier, and this kick is drilled. Right up and through.” Livvy/Henchgirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (SPLASH!) PAUSE.
(No One Mourns the Wicked playing) Michael: Looks like the Dunnes will be drowning in the harbor tonight. Kate: Not to mention the water temperature is below freezing. Michael: Well it looks like the hospital ship is coming to get them, and they’ll probably spend the next few weeks recovering from the beating we just gave them. Marylander: Man did we beat them up. Michael: We did. Do you know what this means guys? Kate: Good news, the Dunne Dynasty, it’s dead. Raven Bros: Whistling (GOOD NEWS! SHE’S DEAD! THE WITCH OF THE NORTH IS DEAD! THE WICKEDEST WITCH THERE EVER WAS! THE ENEMY OF ALL OF US IN B-MORE IS DEAD! GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!) Jennifer: Well the Wickedest Witch there ever is or was is still Taylor Swift, but let us be glad and let us rejoice upon another epic saving of our city. Michael: Exactly, I mean we looked good. Jennifer: Hey Darkness, did you bring my mini-boombox? Darkness: I did. Jennifer: GIVE ME A BEAT! Michael: Is this some kind of dance we’re going to do? Jennifer: I don’t know what you mean. (BOOM!) I love helping others, and I happen to be free to life after all. Poe: Whistling (Oooh! Fireworks!) Jennifer: Once we met one another. Both: It was clear we deserved each other. Jennifer: You’re perfect! Michael: You’re perfect! Both: So we’re perfect together, born to be forever. DANCING THROUGH LIFE! (BOOM BOOM BOOM! BOOM!) Marylander: Well the mission may not be over but it’s nice to expose a major foe of ours, right Eddie? Edgar: Whistling (Yup) Kate: The fact that Michael and Jennifer are dancing on the lawn of Fort McHenry even though it’s dark and cold right now is a great sign. Allan: Whistling (Please tell me we’re getting a rematch with the Swifties soon) Marylander: Allan I really hope so. Once either Tay-Tay comes here, or when we go to Kansas City, there will be high tensions everywhere. But for now let’s just enjoy this moment. Jennifer: So you see Michael, this couldn’t have been easy. Raven Bros: Whistling (NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!) (POP POP! POP! BOOM!) Raven Bros: Whistling (NOW AT LAST SHE’S DEAD AND GONE!) POP POP! POP! BOOM! Raven Bros: Whistling (NOW AT LAST THERE’S JOY THROUGHOUT B-MORE!) Michael: You told me the Wicked sketch was going to work tonight against the Dunnes didn’t you! Jennifer: And the best part is, we’re going to use this same approach on the Swifties. And if we pull that off, IT’LL BE WEDDING BELLS FOR BOTH OF US AND THE LAND WILL BE AT ETERNAL PEACE! Michael: I know, however we gotta deal with that Mafian Horde too, but if the Swiftie Empire falls, it better be because of us. Jennifer: I know. Michael: I see that look in your eyes, that tells me you want us to kiss. Jennifer: I do. Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Raven Bros: Whistling (NO ONE MOURNS! THE WICKED!!!) (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Raven Bros/Marylander/Kate: WICKED!!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Beasts: WICKKKKKKEDDDDDDDDD! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)
(CHARM CITY BEASTS)
Bragging Rights Sports 