Charm City Beasts (Season 5) Episode 6: LA Vibing… AGAIN

The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:

(Good Morning Baltimore playing)

BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS

A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION

“Ladies and Gentlemen, and friends, and fans, The Baltimore Ravens!” “BALTIMORE!”

“We are here to win, that’s our #1 goal period end of story. And my dream is to wake up in the morning and the Super Bowl Trophy is sitting in my nightstand, in my house and I get to nudge my wife and say look this is ours this is what we earned through our effort. How great will that be?”

“NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO!”

“Now begins the journey.” (Michael Hession)

“HELL YEAH COACH LETS GO FOR IT!” (Jennifer Shoemaker)

“What if they told you this was your last football game?” (The Salty Marylander)

“What if they told you this was the last time that you would wear this uniform?” (Poe)

“How would you play?” (Edgar)

“They ain’t gonna give it to you! We gotta take everything that they worked for!” (Allan)

“There’s no place… LIKE BALTIMORE!” (Darkness)

“WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? NOOOOOOOOBODY!!!”

CHARM CITY BEASTS!

SEASON 5, EPISODE 6: LA Vibing

(November 24 2024, Huntington Beach, CA)

(I Ain’t Worried playing) Marylander: GO LONG EDDIE! Edgar: Whistling (Alright!) (WHOOSH!) Marylander/Edgar: SHAKE AND BAKE! Michael: Ugh, I just got mossed. Poe: Whistling (Don’t worry buddy, we’ll get them on our next drive.) Michael: At least they can’t catch Darkness. HIKE! Allan: Whistling (ARRRRRRR!) Darkness: Whistling (SIKE!) Marylander: COME ON ALLAN GET A HAND ON HIM! Michael: Too bad. Poe: Whistling (Up top) (BOOM!) Michael: Hold on a second, JENNIFER! Jennifer: Yes my love. Michael: How are we doing back at the chairs? Jennifer: I’m doing great. Getting all tan in the sand right now. Michael: Don’t blame you one bit because you like the rest of us needed this vacation. Jennifer: HALLA! How’s the game? Michael: Well it’s been quite a game. Well Edgar has been unguardable on one side, yet Darkness can’t be caught on the other. Jennifer: One team has power and the other has speed I’m guessing. Michael: Very well. Just so you know, the next score wins. Jennifer: Good timing because I think it’s almost time for the Raven Brothers to go surfing. Michael: Oh boy I can’t wait to see how this one ends up. Marylander: HIKE! Michael: POE YOU GUARD EDGAR, DARKNESS BLITZ EM! Darkness: Whistling (1 Apple, 2 Apple, 3 Apple, 4 Apple, 5 APPLE! Marylander: UGH! Michael: YES! GIVE US THE BALL BACK! Poe: Whistling (I think I can beat the Salty Marylander 1 on 1) Michael: Oh great. HIKE! (WHOOSH) Poe: Whistling (GOT IT!) Michael/Darkness: YES! TOUCHDOWN! WE WIN! Poe: Whistling (Told you I could beat him) Michael: You took a slant pattern and took it the distance. Jennifer: TIME FOR SOME HARD CORE SURFING RAVEN BROTHERS! Raven Bros: Whistling (YIPPEE!) PAUSE.

(Flashback)

(AIR HORN!) Michael: So here we go. Edgar vs Poe to determine the Surfing Skit Championship, and to see who will be tied with Allan atop the standings. Darkness, get the horn going. (AIR HORN!) Marylander: Edgar is slowly rising. Michael: Poe scans the ocean, he’s waiting for the right time. Marylander: Edgar jumps on his board, AND FALLS OFF WHILE TRYING TO GET ON! Michael: Poe gets up, lets see what he’s going to do, and he’s just gonna ride his way back to shore, and according to the Salty Marylander, Edgar has fallen off his board, and Poe has tied Allan in the standings!

(Flash Forward)

Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has come for the skit you’ve all been waiting for. THE REMATCH! For the 2nd year in a row we’ve come to Huntington Beach, California to watch the Raven Brothers duke it out in a surfing competition. If you guys recall, Poe took home the crown last year thanks to Edgar somehow falling off his board despite all the odds being in his favor. Today, he gets his shot at revenge. Marylander: Not to mention Darkness wasn’t involved in this skit last year because he was the ref, well that’s my honor today. Michael: Yes it is. And from what we can tell, the waves are much bigger than they were last year. Jennifer, what do they look like? Jennifer: Well, I may not have been a part of the Charm City Beasts last year while you guys went out here over Thanksgiving Weekend, but based on what I was told by my handsome prince on the mic right now, the waves are rough as we all expected. The water temperature right now is around 60 degrees, it’s a high tide, and we’ve seen some large waves close to 20 feet on average. Michael: First of all, you know you’re not supposed to show your emotions towards me on air. Jennifer: Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been on reporting duty because the Salty Marylander has taken that spot the past few weeks. Michael: It’s all good. Well second of all, the Raven Brothers are lucky they have fur and feathers because they would be freezing themselves off in this kind of water out in the Pacific. Jennifer: Not to mention they’re in scuba suits for this. So even if they get water on their feathers, they have extra protection. Michael: Forgot about that. Anyways, thanks again for the information. Jennifer: You’re welcome. Michael: Well since Darkness wasn’t involved in this competition because he wasn’t up to skit speed yet, he gets the honor of going first. Darkness: Whistling (Lets go!) Michael: Here is the only rule. Do not fall off the board. If so, they will be eliminated. And the winner will be whoever can make it the furthest without falling off the board In the event of a tie, it will be the same rule, whoever stays afloat wins. And for safety reasons, each bird is wearing a scuba suit like last year. 

(AIR HORN) Darkness, oh boy gets a 10 foot wave right off the bat, and OH HE ALMOST LOST HIS FOOT BUT SOMEHOW STAYED ON! Marylander: I don’t know how he did it. Michael: Especially for someone that size. Marylander: HERE COMES EDDIE! Michael: Yes you heard that right, Edgar is up next and has a lot to prove after what happened last year. (AIR HORN) Looks like this is a smaller wave than what Darkness got, and so far Edgar doesn’t budge. Edgar: Whistling (That’s a start) Poe: Whistling (My turn) Michael: And here comes the defending champion Poe. Marylander: I always get confused between him and Allan. Michael: Well Allan was the one who taunted Edgar about this, even though he got eliminated first. (AIR HORN) Lets see, lets see, here’s come a 12.5 foot wave, can Poe make it through (BUZZER) Marylander: Looks like we’re getting a new champion this year. Michael: And Allan is loving it even though he has yet to go. Allan: Whistling (No good karma for you bro) Marylander: Don’t go too crazy my guy. Michael: Now speaking of Allan, let’s see what the energizer bunny has in store. (AIR HORN) Now this is about a 9, 9.5 foot wave, and is Allan going to survive? Yes he is! So through one, only Poe has been eliminated. Poe: Whistling (At least I get to hang out with you two and my TV homie now that I’m out of the picture) Marylander: Yes you can Poe. Michael: So since Darkness rode the largest wave in Try 1, he gets to lead off Try 2. (AIR HORN) Here comes a smaller wave than normal, looks like Darkness is going to try and do a front flip. (BUZZER) Marylander: Well he got too cute on that one. Poe: Whistling (Didn’t Edgar try that last year) Michael: He did, and luckily for him he’s strong enough to overcome the wind. Marylander: Allan’s up again. Michael: So if he gets sunk down, Edgar wins the skit. (AIR HORN) Uh, oh here comes a 15 foot wave, is he going to make it? (BUZZER) Marylander: EDGAR WINS AND HE DIDN’T EVEN NEED A 2ND TRY! Michael: That’s two weeks in a row for him. Marylander: Ugh I really want to interview my BFF again. Michael: I hear you, but Jennifer needed a break last week, and now we’ll send it over to her. Jennifer: Thanks Michael, Edgar it was almost a year to the day when you came up just short on this same skit on the same beach. What did it take to redeem yourself? Edgar: Whistling (It was hard work, and dedication. Even though my bros took hard falls, I must say that I was better prepared and wasn’t rattled) Jennifer: You just became the first Raven Brother this year to win skits in back to back episodes. Your thoughts? Edgar: Whistling (Well I guess I’m in the right place at the right time) Jennifer: GREAT ANSWER! PAUSE.

Michael: Well well. Looks like the media is going to have a field day with this. After another ugly duckling loss to the Steelers, where the Boys in Purple were denied a hard earned victory, scapegoats needed to be made. The media, especially NFL Live, states that the Ravens have an issue on how they use Derrick Henry. Their opinion should be that he rushes the ball 20-25 times a game. In theory that should be the case, but considering that the Ravens O-Line as of late has been completely exposed now you see why Lamar is forced to throw the ball all over the field. The biggest flaw in the Baltimore attack offensively has been inconsistent O-Line play and obviously REFBALL. I would say WR but that’s the least of their concerns. Marylander: I don’t care how many weapons you have, if you can’t block TJ Watt, Alex Highsmith, and Cam Hayward, you don’t deserve the chance to win. Also if Russell Wilson didn’t throw a pick in the end zone, they would have gotten blown out. They were lucky to have lost that game by two given how badly they played. Michael: I agree. The real concern all season long has been the normally automatic machine known as Justin Tucker. For some reason he went from the most accurate kicker in the game, to a guy that can’t kick over 45 yards. Marylander: Was this man broken by Mahomes and Kelce messing up his pregame routine last year? From what it sounds like, yes. Michael: Not to mention the popular point of view is that ever since Sam Koch and Jerry Rosberg retired, JT hasn’t been the same kicker. Just like when the O-Line lost Joe D’Alessandris back in August, those two departures back in 2021 took a massive toll on Tucker. Marylander: I would say cut him, but then again Matt Stover had this problem take place in his twilight and they had to bring in a kicker who could kick anything over 45 yards. 

Michael: Some things with this team never change. Speaking of things that never change. REFBALL! Since 1999, the Ravens have committed the most penalties in the NFL by a wide margin. Some of it is due to being undisciplined, some of it is because the NFL hates them for what Art Modell, and now a third element has taken shape. REFBALL! Marylander: It’s not just REFBALL anymore, ITS CELEBRITY REFBALL! And having spent a ton of hours doing research, about 65% of the penalties committed by the Ravens this season have been the result of terrible calls that wouldn’t be made against almost any other team. ONLY US! Michael: Just like with Taylor Swift last year, Livvy Dunne showing up at Heinz Field was the moment that myself, the rest of this room, and every die hard Ravens fan knew that we would get bamboozled. They committed a season high 15 penalties for over 125 yards. Edgar: Whistling (SERIOUSLY HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!) Michael: I don’t know Edgar, but I feel like this league loves its narratives over teams with massive fan bases as well as celebrities if not both. Poe: Whistling (THIS IS LIKE WWE!) Michael: I agree. Think about it, the Steelers have Livvy, the Bills have Hailee Steinfeld, and the Chiefs have she who shall not be named. Jennifer: And the thing is, WE HAVE BIG NAME CELEBRITY FANS TOO! Michael: Exactly, although most of them are nowhere to be found unless we’re in LA, New York, San Fran, or London just to name a few. Marylander: WHICH IS WHY WE NEED TO BRING OUT ARI FOR THE REMATCH THE STEELERS IN WEEK 16 AT M&T BANK STADIUM! Michael: I agree. Either her, Zendaya, Angel Reese, Carmelo, KD, SOMEONE, ANYONE! We need to counter CELEBRITY REFBALL by doing the same thing that those three are doing. And throw the Blackout uniforms in there too. Having any of them in the building to rub salt on PQ’s wounds or support us in perhaps the biggest home game of the Lamar Era would be Must Watch TV. Marylander: Well he and OBJ suckered all of them into the Flock, and even though those two are gone, at least Lamar and Zay made sure they didn’t let them leave, in theory. Michael: Also Ray, Ed, and Jacoby played a major role for some of the older celeb fans of this team. Marylander: I forgot about Jacoby. RIP brother. Michael: Anyways, we need something to counter this crap. Marylander: SOMETHING! PAUSE.

“We interrupt this program to inform you that the rest of this episode features the Charm City Beasts trying to prevent an army of Power Chargers from invading Huntington Beach and rob several gift shops on the plaza as they try to plan. And it gets to the point where the Beasts rent jet skis to chase them all over the Pacific. My Oh My.” PAUSE.

(November 25 2024, Huntington Beach CA)

(Romantic music playing) Michael: This sunset is so romantic. Jennifer: I know. I love when it’s just the two of us all alone with nothing around us. Michael: Well the others are going to wonder where the heck we are right now since we told them that we’d be taking a walk on the beach. Jennifer: Well you fooled them there my love. Michael: Hm, you have such a good romantic accent don’t you. Jennifer: Thank you. Michael: Let me guess, you want us to kiss right now. Jennifer: I would love to my prince. Michael: Alright, come on in. Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Michael: Right now we look like two lovers who are about to go to the White Party with what we have on. Jennifer: Yeah. Both: MWWWWWW… (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: Oh great! Just as we were about to kiss the night away we got intruders invading the beach. Jennifer: It appears that they’re coming towards the others back towards the boardwalk. Michael: Yup, we might be on vacation, but we’re still in the mood for some donkey kicking on anyone who tries to mess with us. Jennifer: Damn right!

Marylander: MICHAEL! JENNIFER! PLEASE STOP YOUR ROMANTIC SESSION! WE’VE GOT SERIOUS FISH TO FRY! Michael: We’re on our way, Salty Marylander. (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Herbert, takes off, he’s got it, Touchdown Chargers.” Poe: Whistling (And there goes our surf boards) Marylander: My bad I should have returned them to the surf shop after the skits were finished. Allan: Whistling (I’m going to try and shoot down their ship with the blaster) Marylander: WAIT NOT YET! “3rd Down and 5, Jackson, floats it, contact, no flag it’s 4th Down” Marylander: What did I tell you Allan, wait your turn please. Allan: Whistling (I got a little too overaggressive) Marylander: There will be a time to do so now is not the case. Edgar: Whistling (Look, they have one giant ship and then two smaller boats. (BOOM!) “It’s been quite a run for Cameron Dicker now as he makes it 10-0.” Darkness: Whistling (OUCH!) Marylander: Poe, get the healing spell! Poe: Whistling (Yes buddy) Marylander: Alright Darkness, you’re down, but not for long. (WHOOSH!) Darkness: Whistling (Thanks my man) (BOOM!) “1st Down and Goal, Jackson keeps, JACKSON TO THE EDGE! Touchdown Ravens!” (My Oh My playing) Marylander: Who was that that just shot down one of their boats. Michael: That would be me. Marylander: Made it just in time. Jennifer: We just rented a jet ski for you and Edgar to go and chase down their ship if it tries to escape. Marylander: So you want me and my bestie to lay down the kill at the end. Michael: Yup. Jennifer and I have done much of the damage this year, and I think that our two strongest members should be the anchors in this battle. Edgar: Whistling (UP TOP!) (BOOM!) “Flowers, his first catch, and off he goes. Zay Flowers out of bounds short of midfield.” Allan: Whistling (Was this the right time to be aggressive?) Michael: Indeed it was Allan, now both of their smaller boats compared to how big their ship is have now sunk. Allan: Whistling (I think we should try and sink that ship.) Jennifer: Allan, I don’t think it’s going to go down on one blast. Allan: Whistling (You’re right. I think it’s part of the plan for us to hit it, and then have Edgar and Salty Marylander chase it down.) Jennifer: That’s what I was thinking. Allan: Whistling (Then fire away) Jennifer: Give me that blaster! (BOOOOOOOM!) “Good protection, air it out, Bateman downfield, and he has… got it for the touchdown!” Marylander: HIGH FIVE! (BOOM!) Poe: Whistling (Don’t leave me hanging) Jennifer: I won’t Poe. (BOOM!) Your thoughts my love? Michael: Well it looks like they’re mad. Jennifer: Hehehehe c’mere. Both: MWWA! Allan: Whistling (And then the kiss) Poe: Whistling (That’s such a move that those two would make) Allan: Whistling (You know them so well) Poe: Whistling (Duh, I watch movies with them almost every night after Jennifer gets back from work) Michael: ENOUGH TALKING! “He’s… got it. Was that well done at the end of the half by the Chargers.” Darkness: Whistling (They’re getting away) Marylander: Edgar, LET’S DO THIS! Edgar: Whistling (SHAKE AND BAKE TIME!) Michael: Go get em boys! PAUSE.

(Lift Off Launch playing) Marylander: NOW WHERE’S THAT SHIP GOING!? Edgar: Whistling (I don’t know but it needs to be sunk) Marylanders: Lets go! “Chased by Bosa, Jackson, Flowers, and the catch is good.” “And… able to drill it, right through the middle.” Marylander: We’re catching up. Edgar: Whistling (That ship is going super fast) Marylander: The Titanic made this same mistake back in 1912 Eddie. (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “And he has looked good tonight.” Marylander/Edgar: WOOOOOOOOOOOOAH! (SPLASH!) Marylander: How did we not fall off this jet ski? Edgar: Whistling (I don’t know but hey I’d rather be lucky and good) Marylander: Exactly. FIRE! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) They’re gonna give it to Henry, and he’s got it easily, STILL GOING! KING HENRY down twisting!” Edgar: Whistling (How is that ship still moving at full speed) Marylander: It won’t for long. Edgar: Whistling (Freeze them) (BOOM! BOOM!) “Endzone. Catch is made! Touchdown Andrews!” Marylander: EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS! (CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!) “Now 3rd Down and 6. Herbert, and a drop by Johnston.” Edgar: Whistling (SHAKE AND BAKE!) Marylander: Throw the bomb on the ship. Edgar: Whistling (Wait we don’t have any bombs) Marylander: Well we do now because I packed one, which luckily didn’t get set off. UNTIL NOW! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Here is Hill, he gets the 1st Down! And on he goes. Inside the 10, endzone! Touchdown Justice Hill!” Edgar/Marylander: GOOD NIGHT SUCKERS! Marylander: Time to head back to the beach.

(BOOOOOOOOOOM!) Michael: Wow! Was that the ship that blew up? Poe: Whistling (Looks like it) Jennifer: And if so I think our job is complete. Allan: Whistling (Now we can go and relax) (You Know You Like It playing) Marylander: WHATS UP ALL Y’ALL! Michael: Was that you who blew up the ship? Edgar: Whistling (Oh yeah) Michael: HELL YES! Darkness: Whistling (How’d you do so) Edgar: Whistling (My guy secretly packed a bomb in his suitcase, and then snuck it inside the jet ski, then pulled it out once we froze them, and finally set off the bomb which sank the ship) Michael: NICE! Marylander: WE GOT THEM SO GOOD! Edgar: Whistling (Power Chargers My Ass!) Michael: Easy Edgar, but hey you guys rose to the challenge. Jennifer: Now we can go back to relaxing out here and enjoying our Thanksgiving vacation. Beasts: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(1 Week Later)

Michael: Poe, catch. (WHOOSH!) Poe: Whistling (I love me some frisbee) Michael: You’ve probably got the best hands out of you and the rest of the Raven Brothers. Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy) (RING! RING! RING!) Michael: What’s this? OH NO! This is not good, I’M ABSOLUTELY KICKING MYSELF FOR WHAT I DID BEFORE I LEFT! Poe: Whistling (What’s wrong) Michael: I forgot to activate our security system at our headquarters. Poe: Whistling (Why would that be a problem) “1st Down, Saquon, oh here he goes. Barkley at the 10, the 5! And The Touchdown!” Michael: OUR HEADQUARTERS JUST GOT ROBBED! Poe: Whistling (You’re joking.) Michael: NO I’M NOT! Poe: Whistling (Oh great, looks like our vacation is over) Michael: You would be correct. EVERYONE COME HERE PLEASE! WE HAVE A MAJOR DEVELOPING STORY! Marylander: Michael, what are you talking about? Michael: Just look at the news. News Anchor: If witnesses are to be believed, the Charm City Beasts Headquarters in Baltimore, Maryland has been robbed according to numerous reports. Reporter 1: We have confirmed here tonight that the Charm City Beasts Headquarter was in fact robbed by a group of robbers from Philadelphia, and the damage was drastic. Robbers: E-A-G-L-E-S! EAGLES! Reporter 2: What was stolen was the large TV inside the mancave of the Raven Brothers as well as an entire closet of clothes in Jennifer Shoemaker’s room, luckily for her, they didn’t take any of her work clothes. Reporter 3: It appears that at this moment the Beasts are about to head back to Baltimore from LA in just a few moments. Michael: You heard that right. OUR HEADQUARTERS WERE ROBBED JUST MOMENTS AGO! Jennifer: WHAT AM I GONNA DO! I can’t just wear my work clothes every second of the day. Although I do just that especially on days against evil superpowers. Michael: Don’t worry, I’m going to call up Dicks Sporting Goods to see if they can give you a 50% discount on new athletic clothes. Jennifer: Thanks. MWA! Michael: Look guys, it’s my fault that I didn’t turn on the security system. I was just so caught up in going out to LA and hanging out with you guys all week for a much needed vacation. Poe: Whistling (We forgive you) Allan: Whistling (You’re still at the top of your game) Michael: Thanks guys. Marylander: Also, my best friend from Towson works at the Big Screen Store, and he’s offering us a free 60 inch TV in the mancave. Raven Bros: Whistling (COOL!) Michael: We may have gotten robbed while we were on vacation but we’re still going to be just fine. Jennifer: Exactly. Michael: Let’s go home.

(December 6 2024, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)

(RING! RING! RING!) Jennifer: Charm City Beasts, this is Jennifer, how can I help you? GQ Marketer: Is this THE Jennifer Shoemaker. Jennifer: Why yes it is. GQ Marketer: Great, we’ve been hearing great things about how much of an impact you’ve had on the Charm City Beasts since you arrived this past January with your loving personality and fascinating looks. So with that being said we’d like to ask you a question. Jennifer: And what would that be? GQ Marketer: Would you like to be on the cover of the latest edition of the GQ Magazine. Jennifer: I WOULD LOVE TO! GQ Marketer: Just what I wanted to hear. We’re inviting you to come up to New York the weekend of December 14-15 if that works for you. Jennifer: That would be great, can I bring some of my colleagues from the Charm City Beasts? GQ Marketer: I’m afraid no because we don’t allow mascots inside our headquarters. Jennifer: Oh I see. GQ Marketer: Anyways, it was great to talk to you, and I can’t wait for you to come up here. Jennifer: Thanks, keep me posted on what I need to bring. GQ Marketer: Ok sounds good. Jennifer: Alright then. GQ Marketer: Have a good rest of your day. Jennifer: Thanks, you too, bye. Michael: Who was that? Jennifer: MICHAEL GUESS WHAT! Michael: What? Jennifer: I’M GOING TO BE ON THE COVER OF GQ MAGAZINE! Michael: WOW! I never thought that any of us would ever have that opportunity. But hey congratulations. Jennifer: THANK YOU SO MUCH! MWWWWWWWA! Raven Bros: Whistling (JENN JENN!) Jennifer: RAVEN BROTHERS! Marylander: The Fashion Princess has officially arrived on the National Scene. Jennifer: INDEED SHE HAS! Michael: Now when are you going to New York to take photos for GQ. Jennifer: Next weekend. I wanted to invite you guys, but the marketing guy wouldn’t let me because mascots aren’t allowed. Poe: Whistling (SHUCKS!) Michael: I really wish we could all be with you. Jennifer: I know. But hey you guys will have another boys weekend and now that we have a new TV in the mancave, you can do whatever you may please. Marylander: Thanks Jennifer! Michael: Salty Marylander, can you come and talk to me for a moment. Marylander: Sure thing. Michael: Guys, we’ll be right back. Marylander: What is it boss? Michael: I just realized something. Marylander: What would that be? Michael: Remember when Jennifer said that they wouldn’t allow mascots in the GQ building? Marylander: Yes. Michael: I’m not buying it one bit. Marylander: I 100% agree with you. Michael: To me this is a setup. Marylander: What would the setup be? Michael: The marketing guy who called her just a few moments ago is doing this for one reason and one reason only. Marylander: To try and promote her stock. Michael: That is definitely true, but I think there’s more to this story. Marylander: Oh great. I can’t wait to hear this. Michael: You know how I sometimes get tired of how many conspiracies you have as to why the Ravens are getting screwed by zebras? Marylander: Yes. Michael: The same applies here. In my opinion, that guy didn’t do this to make her Nationally Famous, he did this for one reason and one reason only. Marylander: And what would that be? Michael: HE’S TRYING TO STEAL MY GIRL! (DA! DA!) Marylander: I knew that was going to come out of your mouth boss! Michael: We’re not putting up with this crap. Marylander: We’ve seen this trick before, and it usually doesn’t end well. Michael: Yeah, the last time someone tried stealing Jennifer from me, he got killed after we got out of our cells inside the Swift Airship. Marylander: When will people learn? Michael: There is only one conclusion as to how we’re going to handle this potential trap. Marylander: And that is…… Michael: You, me, and Edgar are going to stop that man cold. That’s right, WE’RE GOING TO NEW YORK!

(TO BE CONTINUED!)