The following is a special presentation of Bragging Rights Sports:
(Good Morning Baltimore playing)
BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS
A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION
“Ladies and Gentlemen, and friends, and fans, The Baltimore Ravens!” “BALTIMORE!”
“We are here to win, that’s our #1 goal period end of story. And my dream is to wake up in the morning and the Super Bowl Trophy is sitting in my nightstand, in my house and I get to nudge my wife and say look this is ours this is what we earned through our effort. How great will that be?”
“NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! NO WEAPON! NO WEAPON! FORGED AGAINST US! FORGED AGAINST US! SHALL PROSPER! SHALL PROSPER! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! IT’S OUR TIME! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO! WOO! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! WHAT TIME IS IT!? GAME TIME! ANY DOGS IN THE HOUSE!? WOO WOO WOO!”
“Now begins the journey.” (Michael Hession)
“HELL YEAH COACH LETS GO FOR IT!” (Jennifer Shoemaker)
“What if they told you this was your last football game?” (The Salty Marylander)
“What if they told you this was the last time that you would wear this uniform?” (Poe)
“How would you play?” (Edgar)
“They ain’t gonna give it to you! We gotta take everything that they worked for!” (Allan)
“There’s no place… LIKE BALTIMORE!” (Darkness)
“WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? NOOOOOOOOBODY!!!”
CHARM CITY BEASTS!
SEASON 5, EPISODE 1: BEAST-SWIFTIE WAR: THE ENGAGEMENT ATTACK
(September 3, 2024, Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: Alright everyone, it’s that time of the year. Time for excitement to fill the air everywhere we go! Jennifer: That’s right my love! Michael: We’re just over 48 hours away from the start of football season, and when we will set foot on Swiftie Territory. Marylander/Raven Bros: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: Before we get started on the season debut of the Skit Competition between the Raven Brothers, we gotta go over a bunch of training camp headlines. Jennifer, take it away. Jennifer: Thanks Michael. The biggest headline coming out of camp this year was John Harbaugh’s statement of Lamar Jackson having the potential to become the greatest QB to ever play the game. Marylander: ARE YOU KIDDING ME! HE JUST POKED THE HORNET’S NEST THAT IS THE ENTIRE DIVISION! Jennifer: You may be right, Salty Marylander, but from how Michael and I see it, it could be a confidence boost for Lamar to be as loose as possible. Marylander: I shouldn’t argue with you since you’re our reporting expert. Jennifer: That’s the spirit. Back to the headlines, remember when Roquan Smith was with the Chicago Bears. Poe: Whistling (Uh, not really) Jennifer: Well the Ravens signed his longtime wingman from the Windy City. Edgar: Whistling (Oh we signed Eddie Jackson, BOO YA!) Jennifer: That’s right Edgar. A dominant defense just got even more dominant. Allan: Whistling (How’s King Henry doing?) Jennifer: Allan he looks like he’s ready for the challenge of the season ahead of them. Allan: Whistling (Nice!) Michael: Yeah, from what I can tell in camp, the defense has made its presence felt. I know that the O-Line is a work in progress but the thing is they have to practice against probably the best defense in the game. Darkness: Whistling (As much as you loved Mike Macdonald, you’re going to love Zorro) Michael: I agree Darkness. Zach Orr may be an unknown outside of Baltimore but luckily he has confidence that’s through the roof. Darkness: Whistling (Thats whats up) Jennifer: Anyways, the big storyline outside of camp has been Lamar Jackson vs Troy Aikman for the rights to #8 being trademarked. Marylander: UGH! Why is he going down this road? Michael: I don’t know Salty Marylander, but this could get ugly fast. But to be fair, if Jackson plays well against Tampa and the LA Chargers on MNF this year, no one is going to remember this hypothetical lawsuit. Marylander: True.
(Feather Fiend playing) Michael: Alright Salty Marylander, I see you have a clever presentation ready to be showcased in front of our eyes. Marylander: Yes I do boss. As much as us Raven fans hate Nick Wright since he’s an insufferable Chiefs homer, I thought it would be kinda cool if I did a bulletin board material poster but for the Ravens that is. (I still can’t believe he didn’t have Lamar in his Top 20 players list for this year. To be fair this is 2021 Giannis again) Jennifer: I like the sound of that. Marylander: Actually I turned this into a powerpoint presentation. Michael: Even better. Marylander The first quote we have is that the defense won Lamar the MVP Award last year. Michael: I knew that was coming out. Marylander: Anyone who says that is blasphemous for this reason. The last two games of the year featured Lamar going up against a combined four MVP candidates in a six day period. The Niners and Dolphins were considered the matchup nightmares on that ESPN Playoff Commercial at the time. AND PLANET LJ ATE BOTH OF THEM ALIVE ESPECIALLY MIAMI! Michael: If we don’t win those two games, we lose the division and have to travel to Houston on Wild Card Weekend. Jennifer: And worse the Browns would have won their first division title in 34 years with our ex Joe Flacco at QB. Michael: We would have been memed to death had we blown that lead. Marylander: Instead the media was memed to death especially Mike Flores and Monse Blanalanadingdong. Michael: Are you quoting Lamar after those two games? Marylander: YES SIR! The next narrative that was brought up is how we’re the Dallas Cowboys of the AFC. Jennifer: The playoff game against Houston put that to bed in a big way. Marylander: Thank you Jenn S. If anyone is the Cowboys of the AFC it’s the aforementioned Dolphins. Michael: I thought you were going to say the Steelers. Marylander: Well I have a ton of respect for them, and Miami hasn’t done anything since Marino. Michael: Good point. Marylander: The next narrative is that Mike Macdonald was the reason why our defense was so good and why our defense will suck now that he’s gone. Michael: Look, as much as I loved Mike Man both on and off the field since I got to see him and his wife Stephanie quite often, to say that the Ravens won’t be the same defense is insulting to this fanbase. Marylander: There we go, for those that don’t understand what I’m about to say, I’m going to make one thing clear. THE RAVENS ARE THE SYSTEM! Their organization’s DNA is always to have a Top 10 defense at minimum. No team has replaced coaches and players on defense better than Baltimore. Michael: Damn right.
Marylander: The next cold take is that Patrick Queen, Jadeveon Clowney, and Geno Stone are not replaceable. Poe: Whistling (LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!) Marylander: That’s right Poe. PQ despite how good he was, benefitted from playing next to Roquan Smith, and was more known last year for hanging out with Ariana Grande, and hooking up with Dua Lipa than anything he did on the field. Edgar: Whistling (Have fun in Drama City PQ) Marylander: I’m calling a return of Days of our Steelers for sure. He’s going to end up like Ed Hartwell, Bart Scott, Jamie Sharper, Adalius Thomas, and Dannell Elerbee after they all left Ray Lewis. Jennifer: Roquan if he keeps this up indeed is the modern version of Ray. Marylander: Jennifer I hope you’re right. Clowney meanwhile was the benefactor of David Ojabo needing knee surgery, and Odafe Oweh being limited early on. Plus the wisdom of Dr Rush. Have fun with that contract Carolina! Michael: I wonder what those insufferable Bengal fans are saying about the Stone Age? Marylander: Well they think he’s going to be their version of Ed Reed. Jennifer: WHAT! Marylander: I’m not joking about this. Saying that a guy who had a Linsanity run because Marcus Williams tore his PEC and played injured all season is going to be as good as the Greatest Free Safety in the History of the Game is insulting to #20. I get that Cincy brought back Vonn Bell, but I don’t think that Stone will have as good a year with the Bengals as he did last year. But hey we got an upgrade in Eddie Jackson who will probably turn back the clock to 2018 and 2019 because of our defensive culture. Michael: Nice way to look at it. Marylander: Next they said that our O-Line was great last year and that Morgan Moses, Kevin Zeitler, and John Simpson are also tough losses. Michael: They must not have watched a single Ravens game from last year. Jennifer: There you go my love. If not for Lamar’s elusiveness we would have given up the most sacks in the league. Allan: Whistling (I love how the Jets always take our leftovers) Michael: Well they took Moses and Simpson from us, and I don’t see both of them doing well in New York. Even if this current iteration is weaker on paper than last year, as long as they gel together we’re in good shape. Marylander: The next take was that Derrick Henry won’t move the needle since they have no top receiver. Michael: I think we’ve heard that quote quite a few times. Although saying that Zay Flowers isn’t a #1 WR is not where I’d want to go. Marylander: Agreed. This is a guy who has all the tools even if he’s undersized. As long as Bateman can finally break out for once we’re set at that position for the next couple of years. Michael: And I do believe that Monken will use Isaiah Likely at WR quite a bit this season too.
Marylander: The next bulletin board take was that Joe Burrow claimed that he wasn’t worried about a single AFC North opponent. Jennifer: I think we’ve heard that quote a few times over the years. Marylander: Indeed we have. He also pointed out that the Bengals were built to beat Kansas City and that’s their main focus. Michael: That’s a bad idea when you have a 7-11 record against the AFC North, and 5 of those wins were when Lamar and TJ Watt were injured. Marylander: When those two have been healthy, and with how they’ve struggled against the Browns in the Dawg Pound, Cincy has been the one bullied which makes sense playing a finesse brand of football with a pass heavy offense. Jennifer: That style never succeeds in the AFC North other than a year or two. Marylander: Yup. Next up we have the media saying that Lamar isn’t a Top 5 QB. Darkness: Whistling (NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!) Marylander: Those nerds have no idea what they are talking about. Other than Patrick Mahomes, no QB has won more games and has had more accolades than Lamar Jackson. Michael: “OH BUT BURROW AND ALLEN HAVE SUCCEEDED IN THE PLAYOFFS AND HE HASN’T!” SCREW THAT! Marylander: Exactly. Allen has beaten the likes of Mac Jones, Skylar Thompson, Mason Rudolph, and a 40 year old Philip Rivers in 4 of his 5 playoff wins, and has never beaten a division winner in the playoffs. Jennifer: That and Burrow got carried by his defense led by our ex Lou Anarumu. Michael: That and the Bengals had deus ex machina on their side in each of their runs to the AFC Championship. Marylander: What do Allen and Burrow have in common? THEY BEAT THE RAVENS WITH TYLER HUNTLEY! Michael: Well Lamar did get hurt in the Bills game after throwing a pick six, but still the Bills benefited off of that, Justin Tucker having the worst game of his career, and Patrick Mekari not being able to snap a football if his life depended on it.
Marylander: Next we have Emmanuel Acho who is the whipping boy of Ravens Media. He said that the 2024 Ravens would be the equal of the 2023 Eagles which is a collapsing soap opera which either misses the playoffs or gets bounced in the 1st Round of the playoffs. Cast: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Marylander: Alright, alright. Here’s why I don’t think we’re going to be this year’s version of the 2023 Eagles; 1. We don’t have Matt Patricia as our DC. 2. We don’t have the Philly Media breathing down our necks. 3. John Harbaugh is a better coach than Nick Sirianni. 4. The entire core from last year is still here. 5. Every departing FA will be replaced because of our culture and DNA. 6. THE SCRIPT FOR THIS SEASON IS LITERALLY IDENTICAL TO 2012! The AFC Favorite to reach the Super Bowl the year before, suffers a devastating loss in the AFC Championship against a dynasty, loses a ton of depth in the offseason, including the defensive coordinator and some of his staff, the franchise QB gets roasted for not getting it done in the playoffs, Harbaugh being victimized by a few bad decisions and terrible luck, the media saying that their best years are behind them and that they won’t make the playoffs, all of the injured star QBs from the previous year are now healthy, the AFC North is stacked, a franchise icon dies prior to the start of the season (RIP Jacoby Jones 1984-2024. RIP Joe D’Alessandris 1954-2024.), they have a brutal schedule, the AFC QB room is loaded, the Super Bowl is in New Orleans, and it’s been 12 years since the most recent championship. Cast: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Marylander: Alright alright. Speaking of Philadelphia, we have found a new whipping boy for Baltimore fans to consume. Cast: WHAAAAAAAAT! Marylander: Joe Fortenbaugh of ESPN. Poe: Whistling (This can’t be good) Marylander: In an attempt to cause a major controversy throughout mainstream media, Fortenbaugh called the Ravens the NFL’s version of the 76ers, and said that Lamar is the biggest choker in the NFL and that includes Dak Prescott. Cast: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT! Michael: To mention Lamar and Dak in the same sentence is insulting to Lamar. One guy has made the AFC Championship Game and lost to the guy that has prevented every other top QB from winning a Super Bowl, and the other can’t make it to that point in a weak NFC. Jennifer: One guy plays in the hardest division in football, the other plays in a division with the Giants and Commanders who are perennial jokes other than for a few years as of late. Marylander: Exactly. And the worst part is that if the Orioles don’t make it past the ALDS especially if they get swept out of the playoffs again, the media will do the same thing to Adley and Gunnar. Poe: Whistling (They really don’t like Baltimore Sports do they) Michael: No they don’t. We’re going to need something to pump us up for the season. We need a spark to set this purple fire ablaze. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (WNBA Superstar Angel Reese reveals to Social Media that she is a Ravens fan. Challengers, Wicked near the top of movie list for 2024) Marylander: THERE WE FREAKING GO! PAUSE.
(Hot In Herre playing) Michael: The Chiefs may have the greatest recording artist of all time plus her entire fanbase getting all the headlines, but that not won’t stop Flock Nation from trying their best to keep up in the process. Little did any of us know that both a Summer and Thanksgiving Blockbuster would be the terms that many Raven fans will use to symbolize the 2024 season. Remember when we all thought that both Ariana Grande and Zendaya were considered as past thoughts by most of the fanbase despite being linked to the Ravens several times. I think we can all take those thoughts back. Allan: Whistling (So Ari didn’t abandon us for the Steel City) Jennifer: Well from what I can tell Michael Phelps and Katie Ledecky talked her into not doing that during the pre-party at the Olympic Games in Paris. Allan: Whistling (LETS GO!) Michael: Guys you’re going to love this. You know how we did a Wicked sketch when we invaded the Swiftie Airship Nightclub? Raven Bros: Whistling (Yeah?) Well Ari is the main star in a new Wicked movie coming out prior to the Week 13 game against the Eagles. Edgar: Whistling (NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED! KANSAS CITY YOU’RE GOING DOWN!) Michael: And this is on top of Zendaya being the main star in the movie Challengers which is another term that will best describe our season in regards to our status compared to the Chiefs. Jennifer: COME ONNNN!!! Michael: You just think you’re Tashi Duncan now? Jennifer: I was one of the top tennis players in the state of Maryland back in High School. Michael: There you go, also I didn’t realize that she was Jacoby Jones’ Prom Queen during Season 16 of Dancing With The Stars following the Super Bowl Season of 2012. Marylander: Let me guess she’s going to be the Honorary Captain before the home opener against the Raiders as part of the pregame tribute to honor Jones after his passing. Michael: Good guess Salty Marylander. Jennifer: Well the big headline was a Commanders’ fan asking who Chicago Sky Superstar Angel Reese’s favorite NFL team was considering that she’s from the DMV. She responded to this fan’s take by saying “Ravens DUH!” Darkness: Whistling (She better be a frequent guest in the Blackwing suites this year) Michael: That’s the goal Darkness, we need as many big time celebrities in those Blackwing suites this year as possible. WE ARE NOT LETTING THOSE DAMN SWIFTIES GET AWAY WITH IT TWO YEARS IN A ROW! Jennifer: YEAH! TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! Marylander: THIS IS OUR FREAKING YEAR! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PAUSE.
Michael: Alright it’s time for the return of the skits! Raven Bros: Whistling (WA HOO!) So it looks like Darkness has decided to get in on the fun after spending all of last year in the DJ Booth. Darkness: Whistling (I couldn’t help it) Michael: The first game we’re going to have this year is Pool Volleyball. Marylander: Oh boy, you’re going for a water sport. Michael: Well it’s been super hot this summer, and the birds have spent plenty of time in the pool so why not have a game of Pool Volleyball. Jennifer: Good way to put it. Michael: So here are the teams for now. We’ll change them each time there’s a 2V2 skit. For today it’ll be Edgar and Darkness vs Allan and Poe. Marylander: That sounds like a fair match. Michael: On paper it is. I couldn’t have Edgar and Poe on the same team since they are both very strong, especially up at the net. Edgar: Whistling (That’s fine with me) Jennifer: Just don’t get me wet ok. Poe: Whistling (We won’t. I know you are very fashionable and don’t want your work clothes getting soaked) Jennifer: Poe, you know me so well. Poe: Whistling (Not as much as Michael though) Michael: You’re damn right. (SPLASH!) Allan: Whistling (LET’S DO THIS!) Michael: The Raven Brothers are in the pool and it looks like we’re ready to get this game started.
(BEEP!) Alright folks, first one to 10 wins but you have to win by two. (BONG! BONG! BAM!) 1-0 Edgar/Darkness on a mighty slam by the Fitness Major. Edgar: Whistling (That felt good) (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Michael: Edgar went for too much and it’s on the pool deck. Tied at 1. (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Oh they played back and let Allen hit one short. 2-1 Allan/Poe. Poe: Whistling (Nice shot bro) Allan: Whistling (They didn’t see that one coming) (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Michael: OOOOOOH! Edgar rejects Poe at the net to knot it up at 2. Edgar: Whistling (Not in my house) (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Marylander: Net inference against Allan, 3-2 the score. Michael: Well that’s gonna leave a mark if this comes down to a shot. (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Boy is Edgar locked in today or what. It’s 4-2.
(10 MINUTES LATER)
(BONG! BONG! BAM!) Michael: They’re one point away. The combination of Darkness’ quick reactions, plus Edgar’s power slams have them one point away from the first win of the Skit Season. (BONG! BONG! BAM!) So it looks like Allan/Poe aren’t going down yet. It’s either going to be deuce or game set and match. Edgar: Whistling (I’m about to end this right now) (BONG! BONG! BAM!) Michael: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!! Edgar closes this out just like he began the match. WITH A BIG IMPOSING POWER SLAM! Now you can commentate on the match, Salty Marylander. Marylander: Man was that a great way to start the Skit Season. I thought Allan and Poe were going to get this to a deuce but no dice. Edgar wanted none of it. Although if Darkness didn’t make a couple of great diving saves, who knows what happens. Michael: There is no I in team and this game was a prime example especially on the fly. Alright Jennifer, looks like you have the winning birds side by side. Jennifer: Yes I do Michael, Edgar what was your focus going into this match. Edgar: Whistling (Well if Allan and Poe tried to beat us at the net it wasn’t going to work out. And thank goodness that ended up being that way) Jennifer: This was no easy contest considering that the others were giving you their best shot. How were you able to hold off several comeback attempts without getting overwhelmed? Darkness: Whistling (Edgar told me after it got to 7-7 that it doesn’t matter what happened on the last three points, as long as we control our emotions and not let fate consume us, we can win, and luckily that’s what happened) Jennifer: Edgar, what was the feeling on that last slam, especially with how close Poe was to tying it up. Edgar: Whistling (I’m glad I didn’t try to jump up and get the ball because if I did, I would have risked losing the point since Darkness was playing back and Poe had every right to take a hard spike at me. But sometimes being patient leads to great results) Jennifer: Thank you guys. PAUSE.
Michael: To open the 2024 Season the Boys in Purple get to face the boogeyman who has had their number as well as the majority of the AFC over the last 6 years. Kansas City. The humiliation from last year’s AFC Championship Game is still on the minds of everyone around the league. The combination of the Ravens beating themselves, the Chiefs big game experience, plus gobs of REFBALL making sure that a certain face that shall not be mentioned wouldn’t get denied this close to a Super Bowl berth. What happened to the Ravens and Bills during the AFC Playoffs indeed happened to the 49ers. Where the Chiefs used the powers of executing the fundamentals, letting their opponent chop themselves off at the knee, and the zebras making sure that the Swiftie Empire would get their much heralded Super Bowl Title. In my opinion the Chiefs haven’t become the new age Patriots. They’re the new age Chicago Bulls. Their influence on the game spans globally both in the growth of football and pop culture, every top AFC QB is ringless because of them, and they’re attempting to do something that no one has ever done, which is win three straight Super Bowls. (If Mahomes wins a 3rd in a row, the media will label him as the GOAT. LITERALLY) And even if Kansas City lost L’Jarius Sneed who was a big reason why they made it past Baltimore in the AFC Title Game, they extended Chris Jones, drafted Xavier Worthy, and of course signed Marquise Brown. Marylander: He didn’t just leave. WE KICKED HIM OUT! Michael: Agreed. Not to mention the Ravens know that fate could be against them. Ironically the opening game will be played on the Anniversary of the Peter Angelos Game in 2013. Marylander: Please don’t make me go down that track? Michael: I won’t. That game was too painful to watch, especially in the 2nd Half.
Sidenote: Normally we would do a recap of the game based off of my narration but since this is a special feature that feels very much like a movie, we’re going to have a highlight reel of the 2024 Season Opener at Arrowhead Stadium between the Ravens and Chiefs while we act out the battle between the main cast and the Great Swift Army. Yes I know this episode is going to get very long and there will be many people that could lose interest, but hey, these two unstoppable forces must take part in another significant battle. Enough talk, let’s get right to it (The question that will be asked all season has begun, WHO WILL GET THE ENGAGEMENT RING COME FEBRUARY!? SWIFT OR SHOEMAKER?) PAUSE.
(September 4, 2024, Swiftie Airship)
Chief Swiftie: What do you think of how we designed the mall for the banner celebration tomorrow? T-Swift: It looks so good! Red and Gold everything! Chief Swiftie: And don’t worry, this is an extra special security event. So whoever breaks in will immediately be sentenced to our cell area. T-Swift: I know who that could be. Chief Swiftie: You’re still looking for those Beasts from Baltimore even if they escaped on Good Friday. T-Swift: Yes. I really want to see their master’s face when we unveil the banner and rub it in their faces. Chief Swiftie: You really think they’re going to come into our Airship and spoil our celebration? T-Swift: No, I don’t expect them to show up, they’ve been enjoying themselves for the last few months, and it would be a terrible decision if they did. Chief Swiftie: Although our intelligence says that they may be up to something. T-Swift: What would that be? Chief Swiftie: I don’t know, but from what I can tell they might be looking for something that’s very important to us. T-Swift: So you’re saying that they may steal the Lombardi Trophy and rebrand it. Chief Swiftie: That is my guess. T-Swift: As long as they don’t go for the engagement ring, we should be fine. Jaden: Taylor I hate to break this to you, but knowing Michael and having been his arch rival for years they might be looking for it. T-Swift: Oh great. I really hope they don’t attack us tomorrow, because if they do, none of us will be in the mood to answer back. (The Man by the Killers playing) Jaden: You may be right, but I won’t. T-Swift: Thank you Jaden. THE BEASTS SHOULD NEVER HAVE KILLED MCCORD IN THE FIRST PLACE!
(Charm City Beasts Headquarters)
Michael: OUT OF THE STORM, AT THE BACK OF MY HAND, THEM MOTHER BOYS, I DON’T GIVE A DAMN, A KISS ON THE RING, I CARRY THE CROWN, NOTHING CAN BREAK, NOTHING CAN BREAK ME DOWN! HEY! DON’T BE OVERWHELMED, I GOT A PLAN, ANOTHER DIRECTION, I LAY OUT THE LAND, OUT OF THE STORM AT, THE BACK OF MY HAND, THEM MOTHER BOYS, I DON’T GIVE A DAMN, I’M THE MAN! COME ROUND! NOTHING CAN BREAK, NOTHING CAN BREAK ME DOWN! I’M THE MAN! COME ROUND AND, NOTHING CAN BREAK, YOU CAN’T BREAK ME DOWN! I GOT GAS IN THE TANK, I GOT MONEY IN THE BANK, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU BABY, YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE MAN! I GOT SKILL IN THE GAME, I GOTTA HOUSEHOLD NAME, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU BABY, YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE MAN! Jennifer: MWA! MWA! MWA! MWA! MWA! MWA! MWA! Michael: Hey Jennifer what’s up? Jennifer: You indeed are The Man, and you are also my main man! Michael: CUZ BABY I’M GIFTED! YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! USDA CERTIFIED LEAN! I’M THE MAN! Jennifer: MWA! MWA! MWA! Michael: Ok, ok. I know you enjoy kissing my sweet face, but anyways, that’s a good way to put it. Jennifer: So true. Michael: So I see you heard me blasting the Killers from my office. Jennifer: I was wondering where that noise came from. How is the plot of attack the Swifties going? Michael: It’s going good. I can’t wait to share this with the others. Jennifer: I know. I’m so excited for this opportunity. Michael: Same, we are on the verge of taking away Taylor Swift’s engagement ring and making it our very own. But like I said, I’m going to put them in a safe place, if we do end up stealing them. Jennifer: That’s right, your plan is to propose to me if we win the Super Bowl. Michael: That’s what God is showing us, and that’s hopefully what he’s got in store for us. Jennifer: Thursday can’t come soon enough. Michael: It certainly can’t. You and I have been waiting for the chance to take the ring ever since the rumors kicked up. Jennifer: Absolutely. You know what I came here for? Michael: Let me guess… Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! PAUSE.
Michael: Well it looks like we’re all decked out and ready to go. Darkness: Whistling (I feel blinded by the white) Allan: Whistling (We’re looking ice cold right now) Edgar: Whistling (Why didn’t the Ravens PR team let me and my bros wear the white jerseys for the preseason game against Falcons?) Michael: I don’t know why Edgar, but you guys look fire! Jennifer: I like the Whiteout look that we all have. We look more like savages who are about to go to the White Party in Miami instead of going on a sneak attack inside the Swift Airship. Poe: Whistling (Especially you since you’re still the definition of dress to impress even though you’re in sneakers instead of heels) Jennifer: Why thank you Poe! It’s business casual if you ask me. Marylander: Alright, how are we going to get to where their airship is located? Michael: You know the bus brand that John Madden used to get around with when he was broadcasting for FOX? Marylander: Yeah. Michael: Well that’s how we’re going to get to Kansas City. I even talked one of the Penn State RV drivers who lives around here into driving us out there. That way we can hang out and scheme in the back of the van. I also hooked up the WiiU to the TV in there so that the Raven Brothers can play video games to pass the time. Jennifer: Uh I’m not a big fan of that, but hey we need any kind of team bonding we can find.
(1 DAY LATER)
(Furious Fire playing) Allan: Whistling (Jennifer, remind me what we’re looking for?) Jennifer: Allan, WE’RE GOING FOR THAT ENGAGEMENT RING! Michael: Yes we are. We’ve been planning this out for weeks. However we’re not going there to try and take down the whole Swiftie Empire, I’m not going to do that until the time is right or they try attacking Downtown Baltimore again. Allan: Whistling (I see) Edgar: Whistling (How are we going to get the ring) Jennifer: From what it seems, the place they hid the ring is surrounded by a maze of laser webs. There could be cannonballs inside the walls that shoot out once someone enters the area. Marylander: So it’s similar to that of the Tower of London which is where the Crowned Jewels are hidden. Jennifer: Yes. Marylander: I have a question, are all of us going into the Airship to try and steal that ring? Michael: No Salty Marylander. You Edgar, Allan, and Darkness are going to stay inside the van and play video games. Myself and Poe are only going in if Jennifer is in serious trouble. Marylander: So Jennifer is the only one going for the ring even though the best case scenario for us at the end of the year is for you to propose marriage to her with that ring. Michael: Yes, and that’s because she’s our best athlete and knows all of the top secrets inside the Airship. Darkness: Whistling (But how are you, Jennifer and Poe getting in there) Jennifer: Simple, I was able to convince my older cousin who is a steel worker to build us remote controls that allow us to warp from one place to another. But it can only happen if you are wearing a special collar. Darkness: Whistling (I see Michael and Poe already have the collars strapped around their necks) Jennifer: And speaking of which I’ll put mine on even though I already am wearing three different necklaces. Driver: Your attention please, we are now approaching the area surrounding the Swiftie Airship. Michael: Jennifer, you wanted the opportunity to go after what could be your eventual engagement ring, well you’re getting it now even if you must wait until February to receive it. Jennifer: I know, I won’t peak into the bag if we end up grabbing it. Michael: Good. Let me handle that if we get the chance. Jennifer: Alright, you know what you’re doing. Michael: I sure do. Jennifer: Hm Michael, Can you come a little closer for me. Michael: Uh, okay? Both: MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Poe: Whistling (I haven’t seen them kiss for quite some time) Marylander: I was just wondering that. They haven’t done so in front of the rest of us in a while. Michael: Alright Jennifer, you just go out there and be great. Jennifer: That’s right! I’ll let you know when I need help. (WHOOSH!) Allan: Whistling (Come on Jenn Jenn! YOU GOT THEM RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT THEM!)
Michael: Are you inside the ship? Jennifer: Yes, the room I’m in is dark and quiet (Chiefs raise Super Bowl banner) (Alarm Siren) Sorry, gotta go! Michael: Good luck out there. Swiftie Troopers: INTRUDER! INTRUDER! (When I Grow Up playing) Jennifer: You’ve got nothing on me no matter who you bring out! Swiftie 1: ATTACK THIS PLAYBOY CHICK!!! Jennifer: LETS DANCE! “No flag is thrown, Jackson from the pocket, for Flowers he’s got it at the 33 yard line of Kansas City.” (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Swiftie 1: How did she not get hit! Jennifer: HIGH YA! “Henry running right, right to the goal line and in! Lets see, yes he is for the Touchdown!” Jennifer: HOW’S THAT FEELING!!! Swiftie 2: GET HER! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Jennifer: MISSED ME! Swiftie 1: This can’t be McCord’s ex right? Jennifer: YA! YES IT IS! COME ON! COME DANCE WITH ME! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Swiftie 2: That’s it, send her to the spikeball room! Jennifer: OH CRUD! Swiftie Troopers: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “That gets you 15, it wasn’t inside the opening, this is the speedy man, Xavier Worthy, The Fastest Man! TO THE END ZONE RIGHT AWAY! (BOOM!) HIS FIRST TOUCH A KANSAS CITY TOUCHDOWN!” Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (BOOM!) Where am I? Oh how am I gonna get through the room of spikeballs? “They need six, pressure comes, Hill out of the backfield, beautiful open field tackle by Justin Reid the safety.” AH! (BOOM! BOOM!) Uh. I don’t know how my dress didn’t get ripped up by the sharp spike points. But hey I’m still fighting hard. (WHOOSH! WHOOSH!) “Perine is in, Chiefs just picked him up, the pressure is on Mahomes, and he is stopped.” (BOOM!) TIME TO RUN! (BOOM!) Michael: You okay? Jennifer: So far it’s been interesting, I killed off three troopers and then got sent to a spikeball room and nearly got my white dress ripped off by said spikes. Michael: Yeah, that happens, anyways let me know if you need myself and Poe to help you out. Jennifer: Alright my love. Whenever you need… AAAAA! PAUSE.
(Stormy Shore playing) Swiftie T-Rex: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! “In trouble, ball is out, Jackson nearly fell on it, it’s still loose at the bottom of that pile, the pressure came from Chris Jones, and Kansas City has recovered.” (WHOOSH!) TAYLOR JUST PUT A T-REX DOWN HERE! Michael: OH GREAT! Now how are we gonna get the engagement ring now! Marylander: AREN’T DINOSAURS SUPPOSED TO BE EXTINCT! Jennifer: Yes they should be Salty Marylander! Luckily I do have that teleportation remote so I was able to get out of it. Michael: Good, where are you now? Jennifer: I’m in another room full of troopers. YA! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “Mahomes firing, end zone, it is caught and then dropped!” Swiftie 3: DESTROY ALL TRAITORS! Jennifer: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! (BOOM!) Now lick the boot! Swiftie 3: NOT SO FAST! BRING OUT THE SWINGING DOOR! “Flowers on the edge, brought down by McDuffie!” (BOOM!) Swiftie Troopers: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jennifer: HIGH YA! (BOOM!) Swiftie 4: This girl just won’t quit! “3rd and 12 Mahomes, runs away to find space, fires on the run, he finds Kelce! To the 30 yard line” (BONG!) Jennifer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Swiftie 5: OH THE BOOBY TRAP WORKS TO PERFECTION! Jennifer: NOT SO FAST! “Twisting rush, Mahomes pressured, lobs it for Worthy, (BOOOOOOOM!) broken up!” ICE ICE BABY! Swiftie 4: I thought we stole that ice gun in that battle in Baltimore. Jennifer: Well I got it back so HALLA! AND NOW YOU DIE! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Illegal Formation, Offense #79.” Swiftie 4: I’m sorry but you can’t kill me with that fire gun. Jennifer: LET ME TRY IT AGAIN! YA! (BOOOOOOOOOOM!) “Illegal Formation, Offense #79.” Jennifer: HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD YOU LITTLE RASCAL! 3RD TIME’S THE CHARM! YA! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) “1/5 from 50+, from 53 tonight, nope.” Jennifer: I give up, BUT I’M STILL GONNA ESCAPE THIS ROOM! “Chiefs take over, two timeouts, a buck 50, Mahomes, (WHOOSH!) hit as he threw! And was it scooped by Smith? Ruled a pick for the moment at midfield.” Swiftie Troopers: SHOEMAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PAUSE.
(Swift Airship Night Club)
(13-10 Chiefs at Halftime) (New Romantics playing) Jaden: Man is this party fun or what? “Mahomes, double clutch, in traffic, and caught on the run Rashee Rice! Through the secondary to the 42 yard line.” T-Swift: I know. Nothing like being on top of the world and enjoying ourselves. Chief Swiftie: ATTENTION SWIFTIE EMPIRE! There is an attacker inside the Airship! WE NEED TO CAPTURE THEM NOW! T-Swift: Oh great just what we needed. T-Cat: WHO IS IT! Chief Swiftie: It’s our former Henchman Tony McCord’s ex-girlfriend. Whole Room: JENNIFER SHOEMAKER!?!? Jaden: The Charm City Beasts are in the building, AND THEY’RE GOING FOR THE RING! “Personal Foul, Roughing the Passer, Defense #92.” T-Swift: SEND THE GREAT SWIFT ARMY TO HELP OUT THE SWIFTIE TROOPERS! Swift Army: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! “Mahomes brings Worthy back, Pacheco to the right, to the goal line, Pacheco, the fight continues. He falls into the end zone, Touchdown KC!” T-Swift: NEVERMIND! I’ve got a better idea. Jaden: Oh boy I wonder what this is? T-Swift: Henchman Smith you go into that room where the ring is, and take the ring out and put it in your pocket. T-Cat: Wait what? T-Swift: You heard me, put that ring in your pocket, and put a candy mint in that container so that even if they do take the container, THEY WON’T GET THE RING! Jaden: Alright then. So even if they do escape the underground obstacle course, they’ve got no one to blame but themselves. TAKE THAT HESSION!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Obstacle Course)
Jennifer: UGH! Man I’m fighting my tail off and they still are coming from all directions. “Jackson, fires, incomplete, broken up at the last second by Jaylen Watson.” My love! Michael: Yes whatcha got? Jennifer: I’m running low on energy but I still have enough gas to get through this, although I need you and Poe to come here now! Michael: Alright on it! Hey Poe. Poe: Whistling (Yes buddy?) Michael: It’s go time! We need to help out my girl and your TV homie. You got me? Poe: Whistling (OH YEAH!) Michael: Thank goodness Jennifer is not in heels or else her feet would be killing her right now and she did leave her dust bomb machine inside the van, which now I have in order to get past that T-Rex. Poe: Whistling (And I got paintball guns ready to go!) Michael: Nice! Alright see on the other side! Marylander: GO GET EM BOYS! Edgar: Whistling (You the man Poe!) Allan: Whistling (TIME TO KICK SOME DONKEY!) Darkness: Whistling (Time to save your girl Michael!) (WHOOSH!)
Jennifer: Finally I’m to get out of that room of Troopers again. Now where does this thing take me next? (Punch Bowl playing) Swiftie T-Rex: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! Jennifer: OH NOT AGAIN! Not that T-Rex! I can’t do this on my own. I don’t want to get eaten alive! (WHOOSH!) Michael: WELL YOU WON’T HAVE TO!!! Jennifer: MICHAEL!!! POE!!! Swiftie T-Rex: UUUH! Michael: GIVE IT UP YOU EXTINCT CREATURE! YOU’RE NOT STOPPING US FROM GETTING THAT ENGAGEMENT RING! Swiftie T-Rex: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! Poe: Whistling (FIRE!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: Looks like he won’t go down. Poe: Whistling (DUST BOMB!) “Time set for 12 hours of dust.” Michael: RUN! “Lamar Jackson, chased by Chenel, and Karloftis, to Likely downfield, Isaiah Likely, WITH A BLOCK DOWN THE SIDELINE, Likely inside the five, to the end zone, Touchdown Baltimore!” (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)
Poe: Whistling (That was close) Michael: Too close indeed. Jennifer: COME HERE MY HANDSOME LOVING PRINCE! Michael: WOOOOOOOOOOOAH! Jennifer: MWA! MWA! MWA! MWA! Michael: Ok, ok, ok! Poe: Whistling (Whats up Jenn Jenn!) Jennifer: UP TOP POE! (BAM!) Michael: Man that was too close to call, normally I’d get triggering thoughts whenever I see a T-Rex but not today. Not with the item we’ve been scheming to find all summer at stake. But enough of that, now we’ve gotta get past… (BOOM!) “Mahomes, fires, brought in, Xavier again! Worthy for a Touchdown! Swiftie Troopers: INTRUDERS! Michael: Oh you’ve done it now! You may have gotten a break with just Jennifer inside the Airship for quite some time, but now you’ve got me and Poe to deal with as well. Swiftie Troopers: YOU’RE A JEALOUS MAN HESSION! (Partyman playing) Michael: I don’t care, GIVE ME THAT DAMN RING! Swiftie Troopers: DESTROY! Jennifer: GET EM! (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “It’s Mahomes, under pressure, stepping up, deflected, and Mahomes caught it, and it’s just gonna be a gain of a yard.” Swiftie 6: Oh look at that bird, he’s so adorable. Poe: Whistling (NIGHT NIGHT!) (BOOOM!) Swiftie 6: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! “All Hail the New King in Town!” (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) Michael: COME AND GET SOME! HIGH YA! “Young and old gather around.” Jennifer: HEAD SHOT! (BOOM!) “Black and White, Raven Purple” Poe: Whistling (PAINTBALLS FOR DAYS!) (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!) “The Charm City Beasts! Are Gonna Rumble!” Swiftie 7: GIVE UP ALREADY! Michael: NEVER HEARD THAT TERM! AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO REGRET WHAT YOU JUST SAID! FIRE! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) Swiftie 7: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (WHOOSH!)
(WHOOSH!) Jennifer: This has gotta be the room where they placed the ring. Michael: Oh it definitely is, I see a white bag lit up at the end of the room, so I’m guessing that’s where it is. Poe: Whistling (What is that) Michael: Oh great, we got a laser web to deal with. CRUD! Jennifer: Don’t worry I got this! Michael: You talked me into doing this over the summer, now you’re going to finish the job the right way. Jennifer: Thanks! MWA! “They show blitz, they bring four, Jackson throws on the run to Bateman, he brought it in!” Michael: Almost there, YOU GOT THIS! Poe: Whistling (THIS IS WHY WE BROUGHT YOU ON BOARD!) Jennifer: Now if I can just find the off switch! Michael: Be careful! “Jackson, sliding up, THROWING END ZONE, INCOMPLETE, Flowers was wide open!” Jennifer: WHERE’S THAT OFF SWITCH! Poe: Whistling (I don’t know if I can take this?) Jennifer: GOT IT! “Chiefs rush four, Lamar trying to make magic happen, throwing end zone, Likely two feet down, (You Should Be Dancing playing) YES! TOUCHDOWN! WHAT A PLAY! ISAIAH LIKELY!” Michael/Poe: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jennifer: WE DID IT! Poe: Whistling (THATS WHATS UP!) Michael: TAKE THAT TAY-TAY! YOU’RE NOT GETTING THAT RING NOW! Jennifer: Look at Poe! He’s dancing like a maniac. Poe: Whistling (OH YEAH! WATCH OUT!) Michael/Jennifer: HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! Poe: Whistling (COME ON GUYS!) Jennifer: I’m not in the mood for dancing, I’m exhausted. Michael: Same, even though I was rarely inside the ship, I’m beat. My goodness was that a grind! Welp time to go back to the van! Poe: Whistling (OH COME ON!) Michael: You can dance with the others when we get back inside. Poe: Whistling (Fine, I’m down for that) (WHOOSH!) PAUSE.
(Rental Van)
Marylander: How long are they gonna be? Allan: Whistling (It’s been quite some time since Michael and Poe left) (WHOOSH!) Marylander: Hey guys! Michael: We got the bag! Raven Bros: Whistling (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!) Marylander: TAYLOR SWIFT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED! (Fu-Gu Face Off playing) T-Swift: HOLD THAT THOUGHT FOR JUST ONE SECOND! Michael: TAYLOR SWIFT! I knew you were going to facetime us after we got out of that incredible obstacle course. T-Swift: I don’t like to give you any credit for achievements especially since we’re rivals, but Michael, what you, Jennifer, and Poe did was remarkable. Michael: Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. Marylander: HEY TAYLOR! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU? T-Swift: I wouldn’t have said that if I were you. Jennifer: WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? T-Swift: I’d recommend you to take a peek inside that container. Michael: You’re not gonna ruin our moment with this crap! T-Swift: DO IT! Or else you’ll be sentenced back behind bars like you were in the spring. Michael: Ok, fine. We’ll open the bag, but that ring is all but ours. T-Swift: Just you watch. “After review, the runner’s toe hit out of bounds, it’s an incomplete pass, the game is over, Kansas City has won.” Beasts: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! T-Swift: I GOT YOU GUYS SO GOOOOOOOOD! Michael: YOU! WIN! AGAIN! And let me guess, your dreaded lead Henchman was the mastermind behind this prank. Because the last thing we needed was for him to get his revenge on me for years and years of kicking his ass. Jaden: OH YES I WAS! Beasts: JADEN SMITH! Jaden: HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW HESSION! You spent all that time scheming and plotting about you were going to steal Taylor’s engagement ring which she hasn’t received yet from Travis, only to leave with a candy mint! Michael: YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS CRAP AGAIN! Jaden: Oh yeah! Guess we poached just to make you even more mad. T-Cat: Hey Hession! Long time no see! Michael/Jennifer: TAJARI WRIGHT!? Marylander: Who is she? Michael: Salty Marylander, she was my middle school crush that Jaden tried marrying off in Paris a decade ago only for him to get stopped in his tracks. Marylander: Oh I see. T-Cat: MISS ME!? Michael: Yeah I know, but still, YOU GUYS JUST GOT AWAY WITH MURDER ONCE AGAIN! T-Swift: Indeed we did, and we’re being nice by letting you guys head back to your headquarters. Michael: Thanks Tay-Tay, but there’s one more thing. Jennifer take it away. Jennifer: YOU GOT US TONIGHT BUT WE’LL BE BAAAAAACK! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (PAUSE)
Allan: Whistling (So that girl who popped up on the facetime call was your middle school crush) Michael: Yes she was Allan, and I still can’t believe she got poached by the Swiftie Empire. Jennifer: So from how I see it they’re just acquiring all of our one time enemies or people we used to love. Michael: Yes they are Jennifer, and they love making us mad. Edgar: Whistling (Even though you guys got tricked, it seems like you went through a gauntlet) Poe: Whistling (We did Edgar) Jennifer: There were 3 rooms of Swiftie Troopers, a Spikeball room, a laser maze alley, a broken down bridge surrounded by lava, and a room with a toy T-Rex that looked like an actual real live dinosaur. Marylander: WOW! I wonder what Taylor and the Swiftie Court were doing tonight. Jennifer: Oh they were having a dance party to celebrate being on top of the world for about the 100th time. Darkness: Whistling (Now how did they know you guys were in the building) Jennifer: They have an intruder sensor inside almost every area inside the main plaza on the Airship, so when they recognized that I was in the building, they probably sent even more troopers down there to stop us. Allan: Whistling (Thank goodness you guys were able to make it out of there) Poe: Whistling (That’s where that teleportation machine works to perfection) Michael: I know. It sucks that we didn’t steal the ring, but we at least went down swinging. And now that T-Cat is over there and that fact that she was taunting me just a few moments ago, it makes me want to beat them even more. Jennifer: I’m with you. She may be good looking and very fashionable just like me but I’ve got something I need to tell her. Darkness, cue the music! (Like I Would playing) Poe: Whistling (Oh boy here she goes again with a reference to a pop song) Edgar: Whistling (I wonder what this is?) Jennifer: Oh. Oh. IF WE CAN NEVER GO BACK, THOUGHT YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW THAT, SHEEEEEEEEEEE! WON’T TOUCH YOU LIKE I DO! SHEEEEEEEEEEE! WON’T LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! SHE DON’T KNOW YOUR BODY! SHE DON’T DO YOU RIGHT! SHE WON’T LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! LIKE I WOULD! SHEEEEEEEEEEE! WON’T TOUCH YOU LIKE I DO! SHEEEEEEEEEEE! WON’T LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! SHE DON’T KNOW YOUR BODY! SHE DON’T DO YOU RIGHT! SHE WON’T LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! LOVE YOU LIKE I WOULD! LIKE I WOULD! Beasts: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Michael: That’s why you’re my true love! Jennifer: Thank you so much! Both: MWA! MWA! MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWA! Poe: Whistling (Kissy, kissy, my goodness Jennifer loves taking that chance) Darkness: Whistling (I know right) Michael: Ok, even though the Swifties got us good tonight, WE’RE NOT LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS AGAIN! Marylander: I know. Those mind games may be hard not to fall for, but we can’t let them get the best of us. Michael: Damn right Salty Marylander. Thank goodness we get to go home and relax, because man I’m exhausted. Poe: Whistling (Me too) Jennifer: I’m glad we did this even though we came up empty, especially since now we know what to expect if we get another chance. Michael: I know. If they attack Baltimore again, they’re not going to win. Because we’ll have the entire Maryland National Guard on our side if that possibility does end up being in play. Now I wonder where we’ll travel next if given the chance. Jennifer: MICHAEL I’VE GOT A GREAT IDEA! Michael: I wonder what that is? Jennifer: (Whispering) (We’ve been invited to take part in a Texas Style Shootout at the Cowtown Coliseum and Billy Bobs against an army of actual cowboys) Michael: OK THEN! Guys, in two weeks we’re going to Dallas! Marylander/Raven Bros: OOOOOH! Michael: But this is not a vacation, we’re going to be dueling against actual cowboys with guns even though the rules say that those are airsoft guns. Marylander: BRING IT! Michael: That’s right my man, I have one question on my mind, WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? Beasts: NOOOOOBODY! (TO BE CONTINUED!)
Jacoby Jones 1984-2024, Joe D’Alessandris 1950-2024.
Bragging Rights Sports 