The NFL. A league that trumps everyone else by a wide margin. One that creates headlines and talking points for all of America to discuss on a weekly basis. And also a league that is devised of deep state conspiracies. This year’s edition looks to be mighty intriguing, especially the AFC. Speaking of which, let’s get right to it.
Buffalo Bills (A Harsh Retool): Something just feels a bit weird right now in BillsMafia. No it’s not the sting of losing to Kansas City yet again, but the feeling that the best days of this team’s window might be behind them. Most of the core from previous years is gone, and the Von Miller contract is only getting worse by the day. Luckily Josh Allen is still in his prime but he’s got his work cut out for him. (That’s even with Dalton Kinkaid becoming a demigod at TE) No it’s not his turnover tendencies but the fact that he has a new look supporting cast now that Gabe Davis and Stefon Diggs are gone. Keon Coleman is going to have the weight of an entire fanbase on him which is daunting for any rookie especially a 2nd Round pick. (They need James Cook to be the true bellcow they’ve been begging for since LeSean McCoy) With the defense being gutted big time in the offseason especially in the safety room, there will be a ton of questions surrounding Buffalo throughout the season. There is one point I must make. If they defy the odds this year, even if another rough ending is on the menu, McDermott and Beane deserve to get extensions especially with how damaged their talent pool has become.
Miami Dolphins (Never Ending Narratives): Last year was typical Miami. Getting off to a high flying start thanks to an easy schedule loaded with home games, only to crumble when they were forced to play real teams in less optimal weather as well as metric tons of injuries. And they now have the longest active drought without winning a playoff game. (If I were to call a team the Cowboys of the AFC, it would be these guys) The question now is where do they go from here? They gave Tua the big bucks this summer, but the question on him now is whether he’s the engine that drives this team. As it was proven the last two seasons they are nothing with Tyreek Hill. Yes they can bring in OBJ right after his four game stint on the IR all they want (Just so you know, he only signed there so he could be with Kim K and party all night on a regular basis) plus veterans in Calais Campbell and Jordan Poyer for the defense, the Dolphins have much more questions than answers at this moment. I don’t think Mike McDaniel should be on the hot seat because he’s probably been their best coach since Jimmy Johnson and Don Shula, but with how big of a cap crunch they’re about to suffer through, this year has to be the year they end the narratives. My advice is simple. Get home field advantage. If not you’re getting your asses kicked again in Round 1. (Whether its Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, or KC is up for debate)
New England Patriots (A Rare Sequence): Patriots Welcome Back to the days of darkness not seen since Victor Kiam. The rebuild is already underway as Mac Jones and Matthew Judon were shipped off in separate trades, and JuJu was let go in a salary dump. (My guess is that he goes back to the Chiefs) Even as Christian Gonzalez should make an impact, and now that they drafted Drake Maye, New England is lacking an identity for the first time in 30 years. But wait, they’re trying to make a big move for Brandon Aiyuk. (YoYo Sound) Well it looks like he doesn’t want anything to do with them. Great. In the first year of post-Belichick it’s going feature a vehicle that hasn’t been seen in this land since 1992. THE TANKS! (Give it a year or two before the expectations are shoved back into overdrive because that’s how this team works)
New York Jets (A Hype Machine Rerun): Aaron Rodgers is going to save this team they say! All of that talent is going to sweep into North Jersey and take the league by storm in the eyes of the media. I don’t see it that way. The Jets like last year are putting all of their eggs in the basket of not only Rodgers but that of their Offensive Line. Yes I get that they signed Tyron Smith, and brought back Morgan Moses but both of those guys are in their mid-30s. (Olu Fashanu is a solid pick but he isn’t ready yet) They did get a big target Mike Williams but he’s coming off a torn ACL. Hassan Reddick, free from Philly, he should do well (YoYo Sound) AND HE’S HOLDING OUT! (You really gave the Eagles your best edge rusher from last year in that trade too?) Aside from all of that, if this team is going to vanquish their status as a meme it’s going to be on the shoulders of Robert Saleh and Nathaniel Hackett. Saleh especially has to prove that he wasn’t carried to relevance by Nick Bosa. The New York Media is going to be all over them if things go south. And I really am looking forward to seeing Aaron Rodgers throwing hissy fits all season long if things don’t go his way. (Luckily their schedule isn’t that difficult. You can manage right)
Baltimore Ravens (THE REAL CHALLENGERS): The Ravens took a major step in their quest towards the Super Bowl a year ago but in the end they let their emotions and egos get the best of them against a freaking dynasty. (That and the NFL preventing anyone from getting past the most hated non-sports figure in that city’s history) In the eyes of Eric DeCosta and John Harbaugh that cannot happen again, and they’re going to make sure of it. Getting Derrick Henry in free agency proves that thinking. But what about the defense? They lost a bunch of depth, and their defensive coordinator which is concerning for most fans but not in Baltimore. Why? The entire core from last year is still here, and with Eddie Jackson, and Nate Wiggins now on board with another mad scientist in Zach Orr calling the shots, there’s definitely optimism even with all of the changes. (The same goes for the O-Line, RIP Joe D’Alessandris) The major question surrounding this crew is no longer can they win just a single game in the playoffs? (Lamar Jackson and Todd Monken in particular will be judged by this) But can they get past Kansas City? That’s pretty much the last thing standing between the Ravens and a championship other than getting in their own damn way. Please please please whatever you do, DON’T LET ME DOWN AGAIN! (Especially with all of the 2012 parallels coming into play this season including a Super Bowl being in the Big Easy with Jacoby Jones looking down on this)
Cincinnati Bengals (A Critical Stage): The Bengals are in a very interesting situation right now. Part of me feels like they will bounce back this year but there’s another part that says they will have a hard time regaining their 2021 vintage. (A 4th place schedule is just what they need) Joe Burrow being healthy again should help out, and so will bringing back Vonn Bell for the defense, but there are way too many questions to answer. (And one of them is not whether Burrow is a System QB or not thank you very much) Will their running game not be a liability in crucial spots even with a new addition in Zach Moss? Which version of their O-Line will we see? Will Geno Stone prove that his run last year in Baltimore wasn’t a fluke? Will the defense overcome the loss of DJ Reader? And how will the offense adjust without Brian Callahan? But even then those aren’t what I believe will hold them back. It’s their usually terrible record against the AFC North and their inability to stop the run. (And Reader leaving is a potential death blow) If they can figure out one of those things, they should be back in the playoffs with ease. If not, let’s just say that no one in Baltimore, Kansas City, or Pittsburgh will feel bad for them.
Cleveland Browns (No Excuses Here): I don’t want to hear another word about how cleveland.com thinks this is the year they’re going to win the title. I don’t care if Deshaun Watson and Nick Chubb are close to full strength. (As well as the majority of their injured players from a year ago) I don’t care if Jerry Jeudy, and Devin Bush are high upside acquisitions. Why am I being so critical? Because do you have any idea what franchise and city this is. (This team is known as the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NFL for a reason DARN IT!) Especially when last year they had such a magical run that no one saw coming. Just like 2020 they had a ton of things break their way in order for them to make the playoffs even with the talent on display. Lady luck is so cruel and I wonder what plans she has for Jimmy Haslam this year. And no he won’t blow it up if things go south, they extended Berry and Stefanski over the summer. On paper they should make the playoffs and go deep now that Watson and Chubb are back, but then there’s Bill Callahan and Alex Van Pelt being hired away. (“Thank god Van Pelt is gone!” -Browns fans) Why am I bringing this up (BOOM!) YOU HIRED KEN DORSEY!? The guy who nearly ran Josh Allen into the ground last year in Buffalo? Have fun with questionable play calling boys! (Yes I get that Stefanski is calling the plays, that’s not a good sign at all)
Pittsburgh Steelers (‘OVERHAWL DA STILLER WAI!’): I was wondering when the Steelers were going to change the way they do things to the point where they must make aggressive moves to bolster their roster. Well that time has come. In what will make many Yinzers pleased, they overhauled their Offensive Line in the draft. If only those guys could stay healthy that would be great. But what about linebacker? It was their biggest flaw on defense last year. For the moment they fixed it by signing Patrick Queen and drafting Payton Wilson (Have fun dealing with Dua Lipa Tomlin!) but that’s only going to work if Wilson becomes the next Ryan Shazier. And finally they brought in Russell Wilson in hopes that new OC Arthur Smith can resurrect his career like he did with Ryan Tannehill. (Justin Fields too) They even traded for Brandon Aiyuk. (BUZZER!) And he signed an extension in San Francisco. Sounds like they dodged a bullet in my book even if they have no top option besides George Pickens. (The Steelers nearly scooped up the guy who was on the verge of becoming the next Alvin Harper) To me Pittsburgh is the biggest Wild Card in the AFC by a wide margin. Why do I say this? If all of their offseason acquisitions and draft picks pan out, and Wilson’s career is revived, they are going to be a force to be reckoned with this year. Not fun when you root for a division rival just saying. (Please Football Gods, don’t let Livvy Dunne show up at Heinz Field. If so, the NFL will drive that narrative especially with how big the YinzerMob is)
Houston Texans (A Fast Swarm Approaches): This is a team that is trying to overcome the hangover of being the surprise team of the NFL last year. However, that won’t stop the organization from thinking bigger. In the simplest of terms, the Texans went big game hunting for talent. And they were rewarded for their efforts by trading for Stefon Diggs, and Danielle Hunter, as well as signing Joe Mixon. (Hopefully his final season with the Bengals wasn’t the start of a rough decline) And that’s on top of two emerging superstars in CJ Stroud and Will Anderson. But like I said, the element of surprise will not be there. And I’m really interested to see how Houston does now that they have expectations that rival the Astros for crying out loud. In this, a year where they might have the most talented football team the city has seen since the 1993 Oilers let it be known that they will run away with the AFC South title plus emerge as Super Bowl Contenders and not lose to those Damn Ravens again! (Still too soon to worry about the Chiefs eh?)
Indianapolis Colts (An Interesting Setting): Just like Houston, this is another squad that massively exceeded expectations from a year ago. Now the Colts are about to embrace the grind of trying to get back to the playoffs thanks to a deadly pass rush, and a bulked up Jonathan Taylor. But for any rise to contending status to occur it will come down to the play of Anthony Richardson. Him missing the majority of his rookie year due to injury may actually be a blessing if you look at it. In my opinion he wasn’t ready last year and now that Gardiner Minshew is gone, now he gets his chance to prove why Jim Irsay wanted to draft a clone of both Lamar Jackson and Jalen Hurts. Luckily if he doesn’t pan out they brought in 39 year old Joe Flacco just in case. (And luckily for him the system in Indy is similar to that in Cleveland or so we think) To me the Colts are still ahead of schedule, and even if they have a small setback, it won’t hurt them too much, OR WILL IT!
Jacksonville Jaguars (Protect The Prince At All Costs!): Let me be clear! Last year cannot happen again. Going from 8-3 and the #1 seed in the AFC to completely crapping the bed at the end of the season. (The only win in that stretch was against Carolina. YUCK!) Although knowing how hard luck this franchise is, 2022 is starting to look more like 2017 than 1996. But then again Jacksonville does have a franchise QB which was something they didn’t have in that memorable season. All of the eggs are once again put in Trevor Lawrence’s basket. And if he stays healthy, and keeps his turnover habits down, the Jags should be able to overcome a rough collapse. However that may not be what I’m focusing on the most with this team. That would be the defense. Even if Josh Hines-Allen got extended and they brought in a stud in Arik Armstead, it was the main reason as to why they lost 5 of 6 to end the year. If their pass rush can crunch their opponents, playoff football may very well return to Duval. If not, Doug Pederson may very well be on the hot seat going into 2025.
Tennessee Titans (The Land of Callahan): Even after seeing King Henry take the Steve McNair trail to their most hated rival and Mike Vrabel leaving the organization the Titans are looking for a fresh start. They did bring in a bunch of talent in the offseason now that they had money to spend. Calvin Ridley and Tyler Boyd to help out DeAndre Hopkins and Will Levis. (Once D-Hop comes back from injury that is) Tony Pollard isn’t King Henry but they need someone to compliment Tayje Spears in the backfield. And on defense Jamal Adams and Quandre Diggs are now on board just like they were in Seattle. (Ernest Jones too) From how I see it, Tennessee is a mystery box. If things go according to plan, they could make it back to the playoffs despite massive change, if not I will say they aren’t in a rush because they’re near the top of the league in cap space this coming spring. Not to mention the AFC South has gone from terrible to a potential shootout. Did I just say that?
Denver Broncos (A Broken Down Ride): The Broncos are heading towards Tank Bowl territory and even though they are likely to have a down year they do have the youngest roster in football. Drinking the stupid juice for Bo Nix considering that many didn’t have him as a Top 15 pick was one thing, but that was before he had a nice showing in the preseason. (I don’t know how he’ll do against the big boys in the division) Now the question I have here is whether you keep Courtland Sutton or not at the deadline? I think you should just because Nix needs someone to throw the ball to in big spots when need be. Sean Payton has got his work cut out for him, and even if this is probably the worst roster he’s ever had, he will do as much as he can to make sure they’re a competitive team. As long as you don’t end up like the Rockies you should be fine. (Please for the love of god Mount Walmart but not turn into the Monforts. That’s the last thing Denver needs)
Kansas City Chiefs (1990s Chicago Bulls): The first back to back champion since the 2004 Patriots still sits at the top of the NFL and Pop Culture Food Chain. AGAIN! And the scary thing is that they’re loading up for a run at history. Not only will the Chiefs still have the balanced attack on offense, they’re bringing speed back into the equation. Marquise Brown and Xavier Worthy come on down. (CRACK!) And then Hollywood gets injured right away. Lovely (We tried warning you Chiefs. Ravens/Cardinals fans) Rashee Rice might be headed towards a suspension because of an offseason incident, let’s bring back JuJu. (Still, no final decision NFL?) However they do have to replace a big piece on defense in L’Jarius Sneed who was a major reason as to why they won it all again last year. (Trent McDuffie this is your big break. Go and take it!) Even if the defense looks weaker compared to 2023, as long as Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce are dominating there’s no need to worry. Especially with the Swiftie Empire mind controlling the NFL Front Office once again. Hell they even consumed the Royal Family from Great Britain whole. (Please don’t let them come to town for the Opening Game!) There’s only one issue. (YoYo Sound) Their lease on Arrowhead is running out. And who knows where they’re going to be in the future. But that’s an afterthought. Why? Because I can only imagine how insufferable the media is going to be if they win a 3rd straight, especially since they’re going to say that Mahomes has overtaken Tom Brady as the GOAT. (We saw this same damn story with Michael Jordan vs Kareem in 1993)
Las Vegas Raiders (The Unexpected Sleeper): It says something when the Raiders are considered the biggest dark horse in the AFC. Why? Because of how they played at the end of last year despite not much big name talent, and the fact that they’re starting to rediscover the identity that made them great during the Al Davis Era. Gardiner Minshew wasn’t the biggest QB on the open market but considering how well he played in Indianapolis last year, I think it’s a good idea to see what he’s got in store. And Davante Adams isn’t going anywhere as we speak. And they got a potential generational talent in Brock Bowers to work with on offense. Good work. That’s not even the biggest reason to be optimistic about this team’s chances. It’s what they did on defense. Bringing in Christian Wilkins to help out Maxx Crosby is a start but they need someone to unlock their full potential on that side of the ball. They have a big fish to catch as their new Defensive Coordinator, a legend of old school smash mouth football in Marvin Lewis. If he turns back the clock to his time as DC in Baltimore, this unit is going to be a scary one indeed. Will he and Antonio Pierce finally get them out of mediocrity, or was that hot stretch at the end of 2023 a fluke. Either way it’s going to be very interesting to find out.
Los Angeles Chargers (LA Ravens/Wolverines): You know how I called this team the ultimate wannabe last year? That thinking was put into overdrive this offseason. Dean Spanos has made one thing clear in his mind. In order to restore the pride of this organization, he must skin the Baltimore Ravens alive in every sense of the word. (Them and Michigan that is) Throwing a king’s ransom to lure Jim Harbaugh back to the NFL may have been the jolt this organization needed. Him and Joe Hortiz are going to emphasize one thing that the Chargers have lacked for years. Structure. And they’ll bring in plenty of former Ravens as well. JK Dobbins, Gus Edwards, Hayden Hurst, Bradley Bozeman among others. This may not be as talented a team as they’ve had the last few years, but the Bolts still have Justin Herbert to work with. (YoYo Sound) And he won’t be 100% come Week 1. Even with this fresh optimism and hopefully an improved defense, I’m still very cautious about this team. No it’s not because they hired Greg Roman as OC who is the definition of short term success and long term failure. It’s because of who they hired as their Conditioning Coach. I wonder who that could be? (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) STEVE SAUNDERS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Have fun being near the top of the league in injuries boys! (Teams that clone either the Patriots, Ravens, Steelers, or Chiefs have been historically bad. The Chargers better hope they don’t become the next victim) PAUSE.
Once again the AFC is up for grabs. Other than a few teams being locks for the playoffs, everything is not what it seems. You could make the case for roughly 14 out of the 16 teams in this conference to make the playoffs. I’m probably going to be wrong come January about my predictions aren’t I?
AFC East
- Jets 10-7 #4
- Bills 10-7
- Dolphins 9-8
- Patriots 4-13
AFC North
- Ravens 13-4 #1
- Steelers 11-6 #5
- Bengals 11-6 #6
- Browns 9-8
AFC South
- Texans 11-6 #3
- Jaguars 9-8
- Colts 8-9
- Titans 6-11
AFC West
- Chiefs 12-5 #2
- Chargers 10-7 #7
- Raiders 7-10
- Broncos 5-12
AFC Wild Card
#2 Chiefs over #7 Chargers
#3 Texans over #6 Bengals
#4 Jets over #5 Steelers
AFC Divisional
#2 Chiefs over #3 Texans
#1 Ravens over #4 Jets
AFC Championship
#1 Ravens over #2 Chiefs
Bragging Rights Sports 