Charm City Beasts (Season 4) Episode 21: An Identity Forged

(Where The Streets Have No Name playing)

“After being challenged in ways we couldn’t have imagined.”

“Things are different this year, especially here.”

“A place that epitomizes all we’ve been through, and all we hope to be.”

“We may have been knocked down, but we will get back up.”

“THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE BALTIMORE!”

(BRAGGING RIGHTS SPORTS PRESENTS)

“This is a place where different backgrounds and beliefs converge.”

(A MARYLAND CULTURE PRODUCTION)

“We’re a city that is defined by resilience, and fueled by what’s possible.”

“LISTEN TO ME! WHEN GOD TELLS YOU SOMETHING! BELIEVE HIM! BELIEVE HIM!”

“And God’s powers give way to a ray of hope.” (Michael Hession)

“Hope that we will defend the place that we built from the ground up.” (Jennifer Shoemaker)

“Hope that we can accomplish the goals that we set out to achieve.” (The Salty Marylander)

“Hope that nothing will hold us back from where we want to go.” (Edgar)

“And hope for our team and city to rally together as one.” (Allan)

“Those who define what it means to be a Raven.” (Poe)

“Have that never say die mindset every single day.” (Darkness)

“The reality is this. THIS IS THE TOWN WHERE OUR HOPES BECOME REALITY!”

“WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” “WE ARE!” 

CHARM CITY BEASTS!

(Season 4) Episode 21: An Identity Forged

Michael: What’s up everyone! Since this will be the Season 4 Finale of Charm City Beasts, I’ve made an executive decision. We will not have any skits from the Raven Brothers, or Jennifer and myself continuing to play the Game of Love. Even though none of them will be featured in this episode, I will say that we have begun plotting our plans to steal the engagement rings from the Swiftie Empire. (Jennifer really wants to tie that knot doesn’t she?) In this case we’re going back to the old roots of this series. Myself and the Salty Marylander talking Ravens Football with complimentary overreactions to certain news. Marylander: Thank god! I’ve had a ton of fun with the rest of the crew, especially Edgar, but it’s about time we do a segment where it’s just you and I like it used to be. Michael: I know right. I have one question for you. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK THE SEASON FINALE! Marylander: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PAUSE.

Michael: Tonight, on the Season Finale of Charm City Beasts! As the offseason winds down and Training Camp is fast approaching, the anticipation of the biggest redemption tour this franchise has seen since 2012 is beginning to grow. However the Ravens have been enjoying themselves this offseason. Planet LJ himself has done just that. Even if the media trashed him for not showing up to voluntary OTAs other than the first two days. Marylander: SERIOUS CAN THE MEDIA EVER LEAVE THIS FREAKING GUY ALONE! Michael: Well Salty Marylander it’s a tradition that never gets old. The first thing he did was make an epic appearance at the Preakness along with Zay Flowers, Marlon Humphrey, and GOAT. Speaking of Ray Lewis he called the riders up and did his legendary Squirrel Dance as well. Sugar, how you get so fine, eh? (Lamar once again picked the winner, which happened to be Seize the Grey. LUCKY!) Next he responded to a rival of his making themselves known during the NBA Playoffs. While Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce, and his buddy Marquise Brown showed up in Dallas for Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals (We did not get a Taylor Swift appearance though. THANK FREAKING GOD!) Jackson attended the Coca-Cola 600 in Concord N.C. Not only that but he was on the infield and chatted with several racers. However the guy he was supporting, Ryan Blaney, ended up crashing into the wall and finished 39th. It wouldn’t have mattered since the race was soon called off because of thunderstorms shortly afterward. (He also chatted with Christopher Bell, who ended up winning the damn thing) A precursor to these surprise appearances occurred when Lamar took a trip to Germany to showcase his soccer skills. I must say I’m glad he hasn’t gotten involved in The Match just yet, especially since he’s a much better soccer player than he is at golf. (More on the Ravens and golf later) However, he wasn’t finished yet. Recently he took a trip to France and had a blast doing so. Just like when Marlo went to Met Gala this year (OBJ too before he left us for Miami so he could be with Kim K), Planet LJ made an unexpected appearance at Paris Fashion Week. While he was there he ended up hanging with a certain 7’4 demigod by the name of Victor Wembanyama. Two generational talents sharing advice with each other, what a shocker. Besides knowing him he’s going to get himself hooked up with a hot chick, which is going to cause the fanbase to go bonkers on Social Media again. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!) (Source: Lamar Jackson hooks up with recording artist Molly Santana and Showjoe at Paris Fashion Week) Marylander: HERE WE GO AGAIN! PAUSE.

Michael: I know Lamar already has a kid with his longtime girlfriend and is very close to tying the knot with her, but once again he must join the conga line of current and former Ravens recruiting celebrities. In this case he went after an up and coming recording artist. Molly Santana may be an unknown in the music department, but now that you know who hung out with her in Paris she’s going to get a ton of followers, especially those from Flock Nation. Salty Marylander, what’s your thoughts on this? Marylander: Lamar has been everywhere this offseason, AND I MEAN EVERYWHERE! I guess this is the cost of losing Queen and Beckham? Michael: Yes it is. Not to mention he hooked up with rapper Showjoe while he was there as well. Marylander: Let me guess Showjoe is going to get a free skybox to him and his friends for one game, and Santana is going to perform on Blackout Night at halftime? Michael: That’s a very good guess my man. Also Lamar wasn’t alone in terms of showing up at big time events. Derrick Henry and Roquan Smith were also in Dallas for Game 3 between the Mavs and Wolves. Spying on the Chiefs, I like it. Also congrats to Eric DeCosta since his beloved Celtics won their 18th NBA Championship. (Brady > Mahomes AGAIN!) The good news for EDC is that the motto he has used since replacing Ozzie Newsome as GM is that of the Celtics. Bringing in players who aren’t big names, but those who fit their playstyle. And just like Boston, the Ravens have come close so many times over the years, and are hoping to get over the hump at long last. The question going into this season is who will be the X Factor like Jrue Holiday was to the Celtics in order to end the years of misery. In the eyes of Baltimore, that man is King Henry. Planet LJ made it clear that it’s going to be a joy to play with him since teams will be forced to completely lose their sleep before coming to M&T. (LJ also lost 15 pounds in the offseason, he looks as fit as ever) Speaking of M&T Bank Stadium, as mentioned the renovation projects are underway. Which is why we sent our own Jennifer Shoemaker inside the stadium, Jennifer what do you have? Jennifer: Thanks my love. For those who are wondering what’s going to happen to the press box, it’s being moved to the right corner of the East Endzone above the club level. Michael: Oh, so they’re putting the Blackwing clubs where the old press box used to be. That’s a clever idea. Now where will the main broadcast teams for each home game be? Jennifer: Well, they’re going to occupy the skybox around midfield along the Ravens sideline. Michael: Interesting. How’s the Gatehouse coming? Jennifer: It’s going good, they just finished completing the lower level of the brewery, and come the end of July, they’ll be finished with the room bar. Michael: Man, that’s going to be a highly attractive setting come September. Jennifer: For sure. Plus the on field seating area is going to be installed before the Charm City Match on August 6 between Barcelona and AC Milan. Michael: NICE! With the on field seating areas, it looks like the Raven Brothers are going to be greeting a ton of fans this year. Jennifer: Yup. They’ve already received a great report from the Marching Ravens last year, and now adding more fans near the field area will make them even more excited. Michael: Sure. Anyways we gotta let you go for now. Jennifer: Ok then, love you! Michael: Same to you. Marylander: I thought you said she wasn’t going to be involved in this episode. Michael: Well I wanted to see what was happening at M&T with all of the projects, plus she took a tour to look at them as well.

The next big storyline of the offseason involves he who shall not be named. Yes Patrick Queen. Not only has he thrown the Ravens organization under the bus, he’s thrown the whole city under the bus. When he was interviewed on the SteelerDB podcast, PQ told the show host that he signed with the Steelers because he wanted to win now. Marylander: REALLY? If you really wanted to win now, then WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Michael: I know right. I would end this nonsense there, but it gets even worse. PQ then said that the atmosphere around the Steelers organization was much better than the Ravens, and he even said that the food was better in Pittsburgh. Marylander: OH PLEASE WILL THIS MAN EVER SHUT UP FOR LIKE A DAY! Michael: Marlon Humphrey agreed. On his podcast with Jack Settleman, Marlo claimed that he doesn’t have a problem with the Steelers or PQ, however making comments like that tends to backfire he said. Just ask JaMarr Chase and the Bengals last year. Once they walked into the Blackout, they got massively humbled and it cost Joe Burrow the rest of the season. PQ wasn’t the only Steeler to chirp at the Ravens. Former Raven DeShon Elliott said that he couldn’t wait to put on the black and gold against Baltimore. Well it appears that this thing could get out of control especially come December 21. Marylander: I know the people outside of Baltimore are going to say that PQ felt betrayed by the Ravens trading for Agent Zero and drafting Trenton Simpson, but we all know where he got his arrogant habits from. Michael: Yup. You and I have said this for a while. Anyone who gets advice from Ariana Grande on how to break someone’s heart, not only does it, but they rub it in their faces for months on end. Queen is another example of that thinking. I would say he has a point but not when Pittsburgh has given him the green dot on defense. Marylander: Did they not see how bad he was in that role during 2021? Michael: No they must not have. He did such a good job for us, that he had that moniker removed from him in favor of Chuck Clark. Ironic since both men were replaced by the two cornerstones of the defense. (The Steelers better hope that Payton Wilson is the next Ryan Shazier or else PQ is getting exposed bad)

The biggest headline of the offseason in the department of Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh was that he, Jim, and his father Jack announced the foundation of the Harbaugh Coaching Academy. This right here is why no Ravens fan should ever criticize his abilities as a head coach even if he should have more rings than the one he has. Every single year no matter who is on his staff, Harbs always finds a way to thrive. Think about this. Over the last few years he has taken plenty of unknown assistants and turned them into demigods. Mike Macdonald, Anthony Weaver, and Dennard Wilson who all got hired away this offseason were massive examples of it. Harbaugh pointed out that the Ravens had 4-5 future head coaches on their assistant staff. Not to mention Zach Orr who is now the DC after taking over for Mike Man is another rising star. I know the narrative is to say that he’s nothing without Lamar and Ray Lewis, but after the work he did in 2021 despite all of the injuries it further proves that he can thrive at the NFL Level no matter what. All he needs now is another ring to solidify himself as a sure fire Hall of Famer. And he’s got a strong chance to pull that feat off this year.

Then we get to Sashi Brown’s offseason presser. Towards the end of the press conference, he made it clear that the Ravens were considering making a few tweaks to their alternate uniforms. Brown made it clear that they wouldn’t go near the home purple and away white uniforms, plus the black alternates. The uniform they focused their attention on was the Color Rush unis. The reason why the Ravens haven’t worn those recently is because yes the all purple look is really good but the regular black helmet didn’t fit the color scheme. Not to mention they haven’t unveiled a new helmet since they unveiled the current one in 1999. Just like when their arch rival in the Bengals unveiled the White Tiger helmets in 2022, the Ravens took a page out of that book. Except this time, the helmet would be purple and gold. Marylander: SEE FOR YOURSELVES THE PURPLE RISING DEEP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE INNER HARBOR! Michael: Damn right! Not only that, but for the first time since 99, the front facing bird will be featured on a Ravens uniform. I like that they used that logo on the alternate helmet. Not many people recognized that the Ravens had a third logo besides the main bird, plus the shield. Marylander: “Oh but they’re trying to copy the Minnesota Vikings!” Well guess what, we have rings, and they don’t, plus our Color Rush uniforms were donned in 2016. Michael: That’ll show them. Well that’ll put a bow on Season 4 of Charm City Beasts. Marylander: Man what a year for us. We went to London, we went to Huntington Beach, we took down Captain Win-Cinnati on Blackout Night, you found the love of your life, we finally found an arch nemesis in the Swiftie Empire, and we made many football fans around the country eat massive amounts of crow. Michael: I 100% agree. Even though we didn’t win it all, I’ll certainly consider this as a successful year. We’re so close to greatness that we can already taste it. Marylander: Boss, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure that we finish the job this year. We will take down the Swifties, and get the rings. Michael: There you go. Speaking of rings, let’s continue plotting out our plan to take those engagement rings from Tay-Tay come September. Marylander: SURE THING! Michael: As the plans for payback are underway, SO ARE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Jennifer: MWA! MWA! MWA! Raven Bros: Whistling (WHATS UP BOSS!) Michael: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU ALL COME FROM!? PAUSE.