Super Bowl LVIII Preview

America: Look at all the storylines during this postseason!

NFL: Crazy I know.

America: We want the Super Bowl to be the most unpredictable it’s been in years!

NFL: I hear you. Do you want to know who we ended up with in the big game?

America: Yes!

NFL: The same matchup that took place during the last election year which ironically will feature the same presidential matchup.

America: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (Let me guess there’s going to be another stock decline this year. As long as it’s not HAY CORONA we’re good)

Pittsburgh Steelers (DAH STANDAHD!): It was going to be an uphill climb without TJ Watt. But even with him they probably lose this game. The 1st Half of this contest proved that the Steelers didn’t belong in the playoffs. They had no answers for Josh Allen, and early turnovers cost them big time down the road. But of course they had to make this a game. Buffalo would have been roasted to death had they blown that 21-0 lead. Then they ran out of gas. Mostly because the Bills stopped playing around. The question I have here is simple? Is this a successful season for Pittsburgh? In the eyes of the fans no, but in terms of the organization thinking they may be onto something it is. Mike Tomlin isn’t going anywhere so the retirement rumors are dead meat. Now who will be the OC? (QUACK!) Arthur Smith? Hm. I mean he was a solid coordinator with the Titans. (But how much of it was him or Derrick Henry?) It’s a boom or bust hire if you ask me. I smell a massive QB controversy rocking YinzerLand like a hurricane. Pick your poison.

Miami Dolphins (Ice Fishing): This was unsurprising, the Dolphins were limping into the playoffs, choked the division title away, and were playing with a backup defense. Marching into Arrowhead was their death sentence. They were suffocated thanks to the Cold Winds of Fate and the Chiefs vaunted defense. If it weren’t for a big play TD by Tyreek Hill, Miami would have gotten shut out. This says a lot about how good KC’s defense is, and also about how the Dolphins get dominated once hitting bad weather. It’s been a tradition of theirs since the 80s, maybe longer. I feel like you could have whatever legendary QB, coach, or skill players of this era on this squad and they would still come up empty in the playoffs. Any chance of them not being laughed at is gone. They now hold the longest drought without a playoff win in the NFL. And it’s mostly due to falling into the same damn traps over and over again. Then put your little hand in mine, there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb. Except for those who play a more physical brand of football than they do. WOOF!

Cleveland Browns (#1 Defense My Ass): All the talk about how they were going to get back to Baltimore. All of the chirping about Flacco’s Homecoming and the reincarnation of the Dawg Defense being compared to the 85 Bears. They forgot that there was another game that needed to be played. Yes it was against a team they had slaughtered a few weeks earlier, but there was one major difference. A healthy CJ Stroud. Turns out that Jim Schwartz went back to 2020 Philly form in this game. In today’s NFL you can’t play heavy man coverage against legit QBs. (Wink Martindale learned this the hard way) They’ll pick you apart especially with how all of the rules cater to the offense. The Browns did have a 14-10 lead though, BOOOOM! Only to give up 31 straight points. The miracles are over. You can’t go too hard on them because they had so many injuries, and were down to 38 year old Joe Flacco, but they had a solid run for what it was worth. On paper Cleveland should be back again next year but there is one problem. (Browns enter 2024 offseason $48M over the salary cap) Oh right, Cap Hell. That’s what happens when Jimmy Haslam makes a deal with the devil for Deshaun Watson. Have fun trying to extend Newsome, Smith, and Emerson boys! (Plus Nick Chubb is a free agent. OUCH!)

Los Angeles Rams (Electrocuted): The drought is over. The Detroit Lions have won their first playoff game since George H.W. Bush was president. In the case of the Rams, even though it was a rough ending, I’ll give them a ton of credit for getting back to the playoffs. They had a chance to pull out a win in the end, however they realized that this wasn’t the same old Lions. It’s just too bad because Matthew Stafford played a solid game in his game back at Ford Field since leaving in 2021. However Detroit was always one step ahead of them. Yes LA can blame the zebras for why they lost this game but in reality they should hold their heads high. (The NFL finally evened things out for Detroit fans. Good to see) This was supposed to be a rebuilding year with how many news pieces they had coming into the season. Going from 3-6 to rattling off 7 out of 8 wins to end the season is a huge success. And considering that they’ll have their 1st Round pick for the first time since 2016, and they aren’t in Cap Hell. The future’s looking bright for them. Well done McVay, keep up the good work.

Philadelphia Eagles (The Gang Gets Slaughtered by Pirates): Die Eagles Die to one of the most agonizing late season collapses in recent memory. If you thought the late season collapse was bad, just wait until you see their performance against the Buccaneers. Tampa Bay made Philly look like their 1968 team for crying out loud. (Joe Kuherich and Norm Snead. The Good Old Days!) Not a single 3rd or 4th Down conversion all game. The Brotherly Shove exposed in real time, and the defense getting mauled like it did during the entire month of December. Nick Sirianni and how awful his coordinators were in this game made James Franklin and his staff 3 hours up the road in State College look like geniuses. It comes to show you why he must have excellent coordinators in order to succeed. (We have the same nonsense in Baltimore with Harbaugh) The worst part for Eagles fans is that this may be the start of a massive purge. Jason Kelce is retiring, AJ Brown wants out like TO did almost 20 years ago, and Hurts really is becoming Donovan McNabb 2.0. (Plus a complete makeover of the coordinator room and the defense) There is good news for Philly fans, they at least aren’t the most pathetic team in their own division. That title would go to…

Dallas Cowboys (The NFL’s Notre Dame): CONGRATULATIONS YOUR TEAM STILL CAN’T MAKE IT PAST THE 2ND ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS! This was possibly the best Cowboy team since the mid 1990s, and they pulled THIS! Behold the Worst Playoff Defeat in Franchise History. I know it’s against the Packers and they’ve owned you since the Ice Bowl but seriously. What happened!? Yes Dak Prescott sealed his choking reputation but surprisingly he wasn’t the one who laid the biggest egg. It was the defense. They gave up almost 50 points to Jordan Love. They made him look like Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre. Really Micah, you really thought this defense would be on a legendary level. All it did was confirm that Dan Quinn will not get another head coaching job, (Spoiler Alert: HE DID! With that Damn Good Culture) and that Mike McCarthy did the best coaching job he’s ever done for Green Bay. But in the eyes of JerryBoy he believes that this roster have one more go left in them. I don’t blame him. Dak, McCarthy, Parsons, and many others will be in the last year of their contracts, and CeeDee Lamb will most likely be on the franchise tag. I’m warning you, Cowboys Nation. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN! (If it does, they will be mocked even worse than they are now)

Houston Texans (Property of the Baltimore Ravens): Texans I know it’s been an amazing ride, that has seen you defy every single doubter that there was out there. However I must be harsh for just a few moments. This was your chance to end the past narratives of being owned by Baltimore. All you did was reinforce them. CJ Stroud’s Cinderella run ended how it started, getting mauled in the lion’s den of the SOS defense for 60 straight minutes. (I’m still amazed that he didn’t take a single sack all game long) But at least Houston now has a franchise QB, and a talented coach to work with. Not to mention plenty of cap space and an emerging defense too. But there’s one thing I must ask. Your fans can moan about the Damn Ravens all you want but when they beat you 12 out of 14 times you are nothing but their punching bag. Although the Texans will definitely be back here again. With how they played this season, and how they gave Baltimore fits in the 1st Half before running out of gas at the end. I trust DeMeco Ryans and Nick Casario to keep this ship moving. They’ve earned it after this.

Buffalo Bills (Wide Right II): I don’t know how this keeps happening? I don’t understand it. Buffalo had the Chiefs right where they wanted them. An outstanding 1st Half by Josh Allen and James Cook, Patrick Mahomes was getting overconfident and sloppy. A 24-20 lead in the 3rd Quarter, the chance of finally getting past the boogeyman was in sight. But then we must realize what team we’re talking about. These are the Bills, and they can’t have anything nice because of a curse that has haunted their city going all the way back to 1901. Kansas City forced Allen and Joe Brady into a pass-heavy approach in the 2nd Half. And it backfired big time. Also why the hell are you running a fake punt on 4th and 5 with Damar Hamlin. Just bring out the offense if you’re going to go for it at least. (Did they learn nothing from Bill O’Brien, ironically against the Chiefs) And then they commit the ultimate Buffalo moment. No it’s not Josh Allen playing hero ball, or drops from Stefon Diggs and Trent Sherfield. It’s from the normally reliable Tyler Bass. “44 yards, Bass, No he doesn’t make it!” Their Super Bowl hopes once again fade Wide Right. Scott Norwood in Super Bowl XXV all over again. And worse this was a game where they should have buried the Chiefs when they had the chance. Good job BillsMafia now you’ve given the NFL the chance to create the most predictable Super Bowl matchup out there when you know you could have prevented it from happening. The worst part is that even if Bass made the kick. Mahomes and Kelce would have marched down the field to give Harrison Butker the chance to win it.

Green Bay Packers (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Dem Packies): Can’t fault the Packers for crumbling in the end despite most of America begging them to win so we could all laugh at Kyle Shanahan. I know they had this game won and it’s against the boogeyman of theirs for the last decade, but there should be no shame in this outcome. They tried their best. But I must be harsh for just a few moments. The 4th Down play calls and missed field goals were their undoing. Plus Jordan Love losing his juju because he tried to pull a Brett Favre by making 50/50 throws for most of the game. The Niners were really close to blowing a golden opportunity yet they escaped their own doom. I will say things are looking up for the Cheeseheads. Jordan Love is the face of the franchise going forward, Joe Barry is gone which means the defense is only going to get stronger, and they have some solid draft capital to work with. If they can massively restructure David Bakhtiari’s contract, and clear up cap space, they should be able to go big game hunting. The future is theirs if they make the right choices. Good luck guys.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2020 Cleveland Browns): The survival of what was labeled as Tank Division tried their damndest to pull off a miracle run. The only problem is that this is where the good news must end. Even when Baker Mayfield made his doubters eat their words, the Bucs defense didn’t pick up the slack. They were carved up by Jared Goff for most of the game. Most of it is due to Detroit’s offense playing up to their potential. Even if Mayfield is going to get paid handsomely for his services, who knows how long Mike Evans and Chris Godwin are staying in Tampa Bay? I think Godwin will be back, but Evans. I’m starting to get the feeling that he may want a new challenge. I don’t blame him. If the Buccaneers can’t bring him nor Baker back, it might be the beginning of the end. (With Ryan Jensen retiring due to health concerns, it’ll be hard to fill that void on the O-Line) But if they do bring the gang. The only thing that can hold them back is probably Todd Bowles. And even then he may have turned a corner with how far they went this year. That’s interesting to see.

Baltimore Ravens (The Kardashian Curse Strikes AGAIN!): I tried to ignore how sluggish they looked in the 1st Half against Houston. I ignored that their biggest enemy like most years was themselves. The narratives were just too good. The first AFC Title Game in Charm City since 1970, the most talented team in franchise history, and the entire Ravens/Baltimore Sports Alumni in attendance. The Ravens made sure this was a storybook ending, just not for them. The entire offense played hero ball like Buffalo did the week before and it failed AGAIN! (That’s what happens when you try to overtake Mahomes. You just can’t copy him) It turns out that following the PEMDAS formula was the straw that broke their backs. (Passing Every MindBoggling Down Amplifies Struggles) You can’t do that against perhaps the best pass defense in the game. I don’t care if Lamar is out there and he’s much improved from his first MVP season that never ends well! (Todd Monken may be an expert at in-play audibles, BUT SO IS SPAGS!) Even if they did run the ball more times than they threw it, Baltimore was probably losing regardless. (There would have been like 5-10 holding penalties if they did commit to the run) Did you seriously expect the NFL to let one of the most hated franchises in the league get past their most marketable asset as well as the most powerful human being in the world right now? (“Who cares about the Ravens, WE WANT TAYLOR SWIFT!” -Scriptwriters) Absolutely not. But seriously when are people going to realize that Andy Reid eats former assistants of his for breakfast in the playoffs? It’s been his calling card for years especially against Harbaugh. (He’s now 9-0 in that department) Now what do you do if you’re the Ravens? They have a ton of free agents, Mike Macdonald, and Joe Hortiz are gone, and the entire organization will be in desperation mode to try and get over the hump in 2024. Will this be a repeat of 2011 where they use this as fuel to win it all the following year, or will this loss be one they may not recover from? And as soon as I say this they replace Mike Man with another outstanding young mad scientist in Zach Orr. (Plus he may be Harb’s successor in a few years especially since he’s only 31) Yep, this team’s still going to be a force going forward despite the brutal ending. (Just when it looks like there’s no hope, the Ravens have other plans.)

Detroit Lions (Dan Gamble): If this game doesn’t prove how much of a snakebitten franchise that the Detroit Lions are I don’t know what will. (They aren’t as snakebit as some of the other long suffering franchises, but the point stands) It was there for the taking. A dominating 1st Half featuring a potent ground game desigrating San Fran’s defensive front, Brock Purdy getting mauled in front of a sea of hungry Lion defenders, and a snowball that just felt like it wouldn’t stop. Leading 24-7 it looked like Detroit would finally make their first ever Super Bowl. BOOM! Nevermind. Remember that 1957 Playoff Game where the Lions made a massive comeback against the 49ers thanks to Tom “The Bomb” Tracy, and John Henry Johnson running like madmen? Well they got a taste of their medicine. No not in CMC and Juszczyk pounding the ball but in terms of the Niners defense being opportunistic, the modern day version of the alley oop bomb performed by Purdy and Brandon Aiyuk, and the piece de resistance. Dan Campbell is aggressive for the sake of all things humanity. (BE AGGRESSIVE! BE BE! AGGRESSIVE!) It was on full display in the 2nd Half. A chance to go up by 3 scores midway through the 3rd Quarter, don’t kick the field goal, risk it all. (BUZZER!) Burned! That right there is how San Francisco got back in the game. You know what’s funny. HE NEVER LEARNED! Instead of kicking a field goal to tie it up at 27 with seven and a half minutes left, he’ll go for it again. (BUZZER!) Wash, Rinse, Repeat. The Niners will obviously take advantage of that opportunity. Overaggressiveness and following the PEMDAS formula all adds up to a devastating ending. (When will people realize that you must run the ball to succeed in the playoffs) Especially since had they won, the fans would have rioted the streets in joy. But it wasn’t meant to be. At least Ben Johnson is coming back for another year, and they have cap space to burn. I have a feeling they’ll be back even if Campbell tries to plagiarize Eminem. PAUSE.

The NFL really is becoming what the NBA was in 2017 and 2018. All of this hype for parity and new storylines, and it never comes. The league is screwed with a capital S. You know why. Because guess which two teams have made the Super Bowl this year, especially the AFC representative. Excuse me for one second…… WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Kansas City Chiefs: (Shake It Off playing) Wait a minute, Kansas City? THESE GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! I saw this team become a soap opera from Week 8 to the end of the season, the receivers have butter fingers, Matt Nagy is a hack of a play caller, Mahomes throwing everyone under the bus, all of the off field drama, laying a massive egg on Christmas against the Raiders! We were so close to an age where the Chiefs weren’t in the AFC Championship Game, even their fans were nervous at the possible reality. WE WERE ALL FOOLED! AGAIN! The return of the Chiefs Kingdom to the Super Bowl is a result of black magic as well as the NFL pushing out the narrative of them being the modern day America’s Team. Their path to get there was nothing but that. Miami was exposed from the moment they stepped foot on the field on that frigid night at Arrowhead. Buffalo and Baltimore got way too cute especially in the 2nd Half plus there was REFBALL doing their best Steve Nash impersonation just in case both teams tried coming back. (The player not the coach) We thought we were free once the Patriots fell to the wayside. All it did was open the door for an empire that could very well be as annoying and insufferable as New England ever was. You know why? Because they’ve been putting the two men I’m about to go over in the spotlight basically every single week, and basically in every single commercial for the sake of ratings. Patrick Mahomes I don’t have a problem with being in the spotlight. Possibly the most gifted that this game has ever seen with the stats and coolness under pressure to back it up. A player that every team in the NFL has tried to emulate but they never will despite trying their damndest to do so. (The Ravens, Eagles, and Bills know this truth the hard way) He may not be as electric as years past during the regular season, but in the playoffs he’s reliable as ever. Then we get to the man who has destroyed not only anyone who tries to cover him, but also has been the centerpiece of why Kansas City has become the most glamorous franchise in sports. Travis Kelce. GOD HELP US ALL! No I’m not saying that because he’s one of the Greatest TE’s of All Time and he’s still unguardable come playoff time. It’s because he’s become possibly the face of Pop Culture. Why? Because he’s dating the Greatest Pop Artist of All Time. (“Taylor Bleeping Swift” -Salty Ravens/Bills fans) “My ex man bought his new girlfriend, she’s like OH MY GOD!” (I had to suffer writing this) Now you see why everyone in America thinks this entire postseason is rigged. It’s because the NFL has introduced a new generation of fans to the league. Features teenage girls and massive TikTok sensations. It sucks for all of us but not for Chiefs Kingdom. (You Gotta Fight For Your Right to Party playing) All fearless narratives aside, we must go over the rest of this supporting cast on offense for the Chiefs. Isaiah Pacheco despite playing through injury is one of the most angry runners in the league. Rashee Rice has enjoyed an excellent rookie season and will eventually become a game changer at WR. There’s also MVS, Noah Gray and Justin Watson to throw to if the headliners get taken away. On the O-Line it is led by a monster in Creed Humphrey as well as one of the best guards of this generation in Joe Thuney. Even if Thuney didn’t play in the AFC Championship, the line didn’t get mauled. The real story this year for Kansas City has been their defense. It’s a flashback to the days of MartyBall. They’ve suffocated every opponent in their path during the playoffs and most of that is due to Steve Spagnuolo coaching circles around everyone. It also helps when Chris Jones ends his holdout and is kicking ass again. Mike Danna and George Karloftis are two underrated studs coming off the edge. (It sucks that Charles Omenihu is injured) And they have Nick Bolton and Willie Gay in the middle, plus Drue Tranquill who they can use to both rush the passer and cover the passers targets. (He’s what Antonio Pierce was in 07 under Spags) Their secondary in my opinion is what has carried this team all season long especially in the playoffs. Their two corners are the 2nd coming of the Albert Lewis, and Kevin Ross tandem during the 90s. L’Jarius Sneed has become one of those guys that you don’t want to see in a dark alley in the middle of night. Ask Zay Flowers, Tyreek Hill, and Stefon Diggs that question. On the other side Trent McDuffie may not be as dominant as Sneed, but he’s still a very hard guy to pass on. At safety they still have a Pro Bowler in Justin Reid as well as another up and comer in Mike Edwards. Plus the potent Special Teams duo of Harrison Butker and Tommy Townsend if need be. The Chiefs run to the Super Bowl this year is very different than in years past. In 2019 and 2020 it was because they had more talent than anybody that they faced especially on offense. Last year it was because they had a balanced attack on both sides of the ball. This year it’s definitely because of coaching. Andy Reid and Steve Spagnuolo have suffocated almost any coaching staff that comes their way. (But what about Matt Nagy? He’s not calling plays anymore) With the lack of talent that Kansas City has had this year compared to previous years, there should have been no way that team makes the Super Bowl. The reason that they made it back there is because of Mahomes and Kelce’s leadership, Reid now being in charge of offensive play calling, and Spags ability to confuse some of the league’s most creative offensive minds. Todd Monken and Joe Brady were two of the best coordinators in the league this season, and Spags outschemed them badly just like he did with Josh McDaniels in Super Bowl XLII. The Chiefs know what they want. Establishing themselves as the next great dynasty in the NFL as well the comparisons to the Jordan Era Bulls in terms of them overcoming a gauntlet of opponents out to beat them. (They also have similar personalities that those Bulls teams did) However I see this team similar to the 2002 Lakers. That team had so much drama in the regular season, were massively questioned going into the playoffs despite winning 2 previous championships, then created massive salt mines in San Antonio and Sacramento with those two fanbases accusing the NBA of rigging allegations, only for those teams to watch LA win it all against a Nets team that was done from the moment the series started. (New Jersey had Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson, and Vince Carter. Let that sink in) KC did the exact same thing, and they may win a 3rd title the same way Shaq and Kobe did. By making generations of football fans eat massive amounts of crow myself included. The only thing stopping this so-called “Love Story” may be their opponent in this, their 4th Super Bowl in 5 years. And boy do they pose a big threat at least on paper!

San Francisco 49ers: (NFL Films Sheer Will playing) It’s been a rough go for the 49ers over the past few years. Following their Super Bowl loss at the end of the 2019 season, they’ve had to overcome a ton. In 2020 they had an injury riddled season that only the Ravens of the following season could rival. They lost almost every key starter, and were forced to finish the season in Arizona due to COVID restrictions in the Bay Area. In 2021 they made it to the NFC Championship as the 6th seed only to lose to little brother in the Rams in heartbreaking fashion. The most devastating blow of them all came the next year. Injuries to Jimmy G, and Trey Lance would have destroyed most teams but that never stopped them from getting back to the Conference Title Game. And then the injury bell tolled as both of their QBs got injured in a slaughter against the Eagles on a playing surface that rivaled Veterans Stadium for crying out loud. Some thought that San Francisco’s day would never come. (Starbright by Madonna playing) But if there is one thing that this franchise loves more than anything over the course of their long history, its star power at nearly every key skill position. This Niners team is often compared by their fanbase to the squads of the 1980s. Not in terms of championships but in terms of who they had at certain positions. At QB, they have a guy who is often compared to the one time GOAT of Joe Montana. BROCK! N! ROLL! A man who was Mr Irrelevant not too long ago has fit in perfectly with the West Coast Offense, and has thrived in ways Garoppolo and Lance never could. (Purdy’s limited his mistakes for the most part, and that’s good) In the backfield they have a tandem that is compared to both Craig and Rathman. Run CMC and Kyle Juszczyk. McCaffery was the big ticket acquisition of a year ago, and since coming to the Bay Area, he has not only been healthy, but has been a jack of all trades in nearly every phase. Juszczyk has always been a fan favorite of mine since he was a Raven, and him proving that FBs can still be a vital point in the offense is a major asset. Deebo Samuel may not be as good as Jerry Rice was but with how much value he brings to the offense especially in the ways they use him, you can’t ignore the destruction this offense causes with him on the field. Brandon Aiyuk definitely has played the role of John Taylor. Under the radar, yet can beat you when you least expect. What about TE you say? Just one of the best in the game in George Kittle. He may not be as dominant as he was during their last Super Bowl run, but still he’s a wrecking machine every time he has the ball. The O-Line lives and dies by Trent Williams. When he’s on the field, it’s a unit that takes no prisoners, Purdy has all day to make excellent reads with his receivers, and CMC has room to run. If not, you get the results of their games against AFC North opponents. (They’re lucky that Baltimore, Cleveland, or Pittsburgh didn’t make it) The defense like those Niners teams of the 80s has been overlooked, but they too are a talented bunch. Their Front 4 needs no introductions. Nick Bosa, Erik Armstead, Javon Hargrave, and their prized acquisition of this year in Chase Young. (Plus Randy Gregory, and Javon Kinlaw as depth) Each of them have the ability to take over the game. So does their two potentially generational LBs. Fred Warner and Dre Greenlaw have been as good as advertised this postseason and a big reason why they got past Green Bay and Detroit. (Those two threw both of those teams off of their games especially the Lions) The secondary may be the weak spot, but they do have playmakers especially at corner. Charvarius Ward is the one you think of. He showed flashes in KC early in his career, and now he’s fully realized his potential. Dee Lenoir and Isaiah Oliver may not be headliners but they’re solid for what they are. The safety room normally would be anchored by one of the Tasmanian Devil of Talanoa Hufanga but he’s out with a torn ACL. Enter Ji’Ayir Brown doing exactly what he did last year at Penn State. Plus a steady veteran in Tashaun Gibson. (Team of the 80s playing) The question we must ponder is simple. Is this the year that Kyle Shanahan finally gets over the hump? Many great coaches have had choking reputations over the years only to find the pot of gold eventually. He may be the next one in line. We can all talk about 28-3 and Super Bowl LIV but in his mind those are things of the past. Why? Look at this postseason. The 49ers were down big against the Lions in the NFC Championship as well as Green Bay the week before. His record when trailing at halftime going into the playoffs was 5-37 over his tenure as head coach, plus they had never won a game when trailing going into the 4th Quarter. And somehow they came back to win both games. That’s what we call maturing baby! Now can he finally win the one that mattered just like his father did in Denver? There lies the challenge! PAUSE.

I’m starting to believe that the NFL is falling into the same traps as the NBA did back in 2017 and 2018. We have all of these intriguing storylines going into the playoffs, we want some sense of unpredictability, and we end up with possibly the most predictable outcome we could possibly find. Going into the season Kansas City and San Francisco were considered the two teams with the highest odds to reach the Super Bowl. Vegas got that right didn’t they, and it’s only fitting that the big game is in Vegas. This matchup is what Warriors vs Cavs was in the NBA almost a decade ago. (Ironic since the Bay Area was involved in that too) Two teams that are head and shoulders over everyone else because one team happens to have the greatest passing combination of this generation, plus the best coach of this era not named Belichick, and the other is basically a superteam not in terms of hired guns, but in terms of player development and scheming. You know what I find insane. If it weren’t for injuries and deus ex machina these two teams would be playing against each other in the Super Bowl for the 4th time in 5 years. That’s why this is truly YOU DOOMED to anyone outside of those two fan bases as well as the league office. The league wanted a rematch of last year’s Super Bowl, but thanks to the Eagles shooting themselves in the foot, they never got that. At least in their eyes it’s a rematch of Super Bowl LIV. At the time it was a very popular matchup compared to what it is now. The Niners amazing turnaround story against a Chiefs team trying to end the Curse of the Longest Game Ever Played as well as Andy Reid trying to end his Legacy of Failure. San Francisco held a 10 point lead deep into the 4th Quarter. But Kansas City scored 21 straight points thanks to Mahomes pulling a rabbit out of his hat as well as Shanahan getting way too cute. Little did we know that like the Patriots win in Super Bowl XXXVI that this would be the start of a relentless empire. It’s either going to be the return to glory for one of the games most model franchises, or the most predictable ending in NFL History. WHOEVER WINS WE ALL LOSE! GOD HELP US ALL!

Prediction: On paper this should be easy to identify. The Niners should dominate this game from start to finish. Their scheming and star power should make a massive statement in the biggest game of their lives. But I don’t believe that’ll happen. The NFL has been driving the narratives of the Taylor Swift nonsense for as long and as far as they can drive it, and it’s not stopping soon. In my opinion this is going to be the most horribly officiated Super Bowl that the nation and everyone watching around the world has seen since Super Bowl XL. San Fran I hate to break this but what happened to the Ravens and Bills the last two weeks is about to happen to you. (Those teams self-destructed, and even if they didn’t, the NFL wasn’t letting them win anyways) Kansas City wins their 2nd straight championship and becomes an insufferable dynasty that will never shut up about it for years on end. (Nick Wright is nostradamus isn’t he?) Why? Because it feels like we can have nothing good happen in this league. The NFL wants to promote the Chiefs as America’s Team and they want a certain proposal at the victory podium after the game. (Something that I’ve been screaming would happen since November. Shades of Correa in 2017) All we’re going to hear for the next 6 months is how Mahomes is now the GOAT, and the anticipation of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift getting married in America’s version of the Royal Wedding. Roger Goodell really is turning into 2017-18 Adam Silver isn’t he?