Charm City Beasts (Season 4) Episode 12: RAIN! ON! ME! (THE FLOCK)

(Omar Whistle/Warriors playing)……………………………………………………………………….

Bragging Rights Sports Presents:

A Maryland Culture Production

CHARM CITY BEASTS

The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens

In This Town, Determination, BECOMES OBSESSION!

AND THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!

S…..O…..S!

YOU CAN’T CLIP THESE WINGS!

Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Odell Beckham Jr, Roquan Smith, Marlon Humphrey, Patrick Queen, Zay Flowers, Kyle Hamilton, Tylan Wallace, Justin Tucker, Eric DeCosta, Ozzie Newsome, Todd Monken, Mike Macdonald, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, with the Raven Brothers, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.

(Season 4) Episode 12: RAIN! ON! ME! (THE FLOCK)

WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US! NOOOOOOOBODY!

Narrator: The Bye Week is over. Now it’s time to get back on the grind. And even better news while the Boys in Purple were chilling out maxing and relaxing, they got plenty of help in the race for the #1 seed. The Steelers played massively down to competition and were blown out at home by the 2-10 Cardinals. The Browns even with them starting Ravens legend Joe Flacco were routed in LA, the Chiefs fell victim for the first time ever with Taylor Swift in attendance as the real love story took place in Green Bay (Get it) as Jordan Love and the Packers pulled off yet another statement win and put themselves in control of their own destiny. and finally the Bungles pulled off a major upset against Jacksonville on Monday Night Football. (Begin the Joe Burrow is a System QB takes) Well there wasn’t really much that happened this past week. Marlon Humphrey and Justin Madubuike were both dealing with injuries during the Bye. Luckily with the week of rest, they were able to return to practice early in the week. Same as Odell Beckham who’s shoulder wasn’t 100% during the game against the Chargers. Luckily he’s also back to full strength. I must say Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh did a very good job managing the Bye Week. Normally I’d be against giving the team the whole week off, but with how hard their schedule has been this season and by the way it’s not getting any easier, you need as much downtime as possible going into the 5 game stretch they’re about to face. Well nothing else happened, nothing more needs to be said about what the Ravens did on their Bye Week.

(A few moments later)

How silly of me, I forgot the major headline of the past weekend. Patrick Queen. Just like during the week leading up to the London game he is chasing for someone that can cause a rival to the romance of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. I know we’re all going to say he tried this same thing with Ariana Grande but in reality those two are friends on Social Media but nothing else despite them going out together in London. (Dang it I wanted chaos, but hey OBJ is also friends and nothing more with Kim K) I know the consensus is that just like in the TV show Patrick must play second fiddle to Spongebob although it was revealed that he never had serious feelings of love for Ari. (Well it makes sense since Ari is also still dating the guy who plays Spongebob) As mentioned they’re just friends even if they both desire true love with someone else. However I do think OBJ, Marlo, Grande and the Kardashians may have influenced his next celebrity target especially considering that this highly touted recording artist is officially on the market after a recent breakup that caused the internet to go wow. BOOOOOOOOOOM! (Baltimore Ravens’ Queen targets singer Dua Lipa following her breakup with Romain Gavras, offers her skybox tickets) Marylander: ARE YOU KIDDING ME! DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN! PAUSE.

(Levitating playing) Narrator: Yes we do Salty Marylander! The Celebrity Crush Game involving the Baltimore Ravens is back in session! Once PQ saw that Taylor Swift was coming to Lambeau for the Chiefs vs Packers game, he was like time to go hunting for a hot celebrity chick again. This time he’s going for another recording artist that’s often compared to Taylor Swift. Dua Lipa may not have come on the scene until 2017 but let’s put it this way, she’s still very good at perfecting her craft. And once the news came out of her breaking up with Romain Gavras, PQ was licking his chops. Now he’s trying to roll out the Purple Carpet by any means necessary. Look at this. He’s offering her and any of her friends that potentially come with her to Baltimore an entire skybox section for free at M&T Bank Stadium to watch the Ravens take on the Rams in Week 14 plus a purple #6 Patrick Queen jersey. Not to mention it’s very possible that she does come down to Baltimore. Why? Well this week she was on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon so I like the rest of the Ravens Flock are guessing that she’s heading right down the Amtrak or taking a private jet from New York to Charm City sometime later in the week. If I had to guess who convinced Queen to do this it was either Grande, Odell Beckham, or Marlon Humphrey. (My guess would be Ari because she knows Dua plus she probably filled her in on PQ and who he is) Not to mention he and Ravens Social Media insider RAMEY will even get Jack Settleman the CEO of Snapback Sports to try and convince her to come. In a way PQ’s become the new age Tony Romo. Not in terms of his play on the field because he plays on the other side of the ball, but being an attractive figure to any woman that is heavily associated with Pop Culture and Music. (Romo had Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson, PQ has Grande, and Lipa) Salty Marylander, what is your take on these latest rumors? Marylander: You said it. Even though they went out in London as friends, Ariana Grande may very well be behind this if indeed those two hook up. Narrator: Interesting. I wouldn’t be shocked if what you’re saying is true. Marylander: That’s right. PQ AT YOUR SERVICE! Narrator: Hey, I like that.

What’s up Raven Bros. Poe: Whistling (We got a good skit competition ready to go for you guys) Narrator: Nice, I wonder how Edgar and Allan feel about wearing purple pants for the first time. Edgar: Whistling (It feels good to try something different) Allan: Whistling (It’s not the Color Rush but I’ll take it) Narrator: So this week I heard you guys are playing Top Golf. Poe: Whistling (Yep, we were able to convince the city officials to give us the key to Power Plant) Narrator: You know that you’re just borrowing them. Edgar: Whistling (Yeah we know) Narrator: Alright, so I’m guessing the rules are each of you gets two tries and whoever drives the ball the furthest wins. Am I right? Allan: Whistling (Yessir) Narrator: So let’s see, Allan you go first. Allan: Whistling (Lets go) Narrator: You were the first one eliminated in Huntington so why not try to brush off the slack. Marylander: Oh, I forgot Allan swung left handed. Narrator: Same. Well let’s see if he can grip it and rip it. (SWOOSH) Marylander: I’m surprised he didn’t use the driver. Narrator: Well he’s saving his normally unlimited energy for that 2nd shot isn’t he? Allan: Whistling (Love me some analytics) Narrator: Well that’s smart. Edgar, you’re next. Edgar: Whistling (Ok) Narrator: Allan used a 5 iron, I wonder what you’re going with. Edgar: Whistling (Lets try the 3 wood) Narrator: Ok then. Marylander: It’s not the best club, but with how strong Edgar is, he can hit it a long way. (SWOOSH) Narrator: Well that’s going a long way. 207 yards the tally, and he outdrove Allan by about 25. Alright Poe, I wonder if you’ll use the driver? Poe: Whistling (You know what, I’ll give Edgar a taste of his own medicine) Marylander: Ok, he too is going with the 3 wood. (SWOOSH) Narrator: It’s going to be close, it’s right around the 200 yard marker. And give him 195 yards. So halfway through, Edgar has the lead, but Allan is about to unleash a long drive. Allan: Whistling (Gimme the driver) Marylander: You knew that was coming. Narrator: He did give us a good prediction. Now can he back it up? (SWOOSH) It’s going a little bit left but he should be able to get it past the 200 yard mark. Yep, 219 yards, and he’s in the lead for now. But the burly bird known as Edgar is probably about to pass him. Knock on wood. Marylander: Well he hit a 207 yard drive with a 3 wood. I know Allan got a great bounce, but I don’t think his lead is going to last long. (SWOOSH) Narrator: THAT! IS! CRUSHED! Look at how far this thing’s going. Almost 240 yards. SANTA MARIA! Edgar: Whistling (That looked good the moment it was hit) Marylander: Now it’s up to Poe. Can he beat Edgar’s 238 yard drive just moments ago? (SWOOSH) Narrator: He hit it well but I don’t think it’s going to matter. WAIT A MINUTE! This is taking a friendly bounce. MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH! Marylander: I THOUGHT HE HAD IT! Narrator: 231 yards on that shot, and with that being said Edgar has caused some chaos at the top of the standings! Edgar: Whistling (Flexing time!) Marylander: What’s new? PAUSE.

Narrator: Fresh off of their much needed Bye Week, the Boys in Purple return home for a clash against the Los Angeles Rams. A team that may have started off 3-6 thanks to injuries to key playmakers but has rounded back into form nicely. They’ve won 3 straight games with an offense averaging over 30 PPG. Matthew Stafford, and Cooper Kupp aren’t just healthy, they’re back to dominating opposing defenses again. Amplify that with two rookie sensations in Puca Nacua and Kyren Williams. Last week they stomped Cleveland in the 4th Quarter so badly, it led to a common take throughout the country. “The Rams might just be back.” Now entering M&T Bank Stadium with all of the momentum, Pokemon McVay and his boys know that the Ravens will be a tall order especially with this being the healthiest they’ve been in quite some time. (3 years to be exact) Right away the common theme of this game began to take shape. Even with there being rainy conditions, Baltimore would be getting LA’s best shot. After forcing an opening drive stop, the Rams marched right down the field thanks to Kyren Williams making his case as a top tier back in this league. (Rushing for almost 600 yards in 4 games will do that) However when they got to the redzone, McVay wanted to go to the air. (BUZZER) Well at least they got a field goal out of it. The rest of the 1st Quarter would be a defensive struggle. Despite Raheem Morris’ defense containing Planet LJ for two drives, he unleashed a 54 yard bomb to Isaiah Likely. Who knew that focusing so much on OBJ and Joystick would lead to a bust in coverage? (This is why you must take the Gorilla seriously, because he can do that) However the Rams weren’t impressed. They stormed down the field in no time. The trio of Kupp, Nucua, and DeMarcus Robinson began making their presence felt. Especially Kupp as he caught a 27 yard pass setting up a TD pass that he hauled in from Stafford. (Mike Man why didn’t you listen to my request of not showing a 6 man front against that offense?) LA was now ahead again, but not for long. Wouldn’t you guess it, Planet LJ played long ball again. This time he tossed a 46 yarder to OBJ who despite running the wrong route was still able to track the ball for the TD. (FINISH HIM DADDY!) As mentioned the Ravens were getting their opponents best shot even with a 14-10 lead. Case in point, the Rams answered that big play TD with another long drive of their own. (Thank Tylan Wallace for jumping offsides on a punt) And then on Baltimore’s next possession Ahkello Witherspoon robbed Rashod Bateman like a thief in the night. (Good throw by Lamar, but just a better play on the ball by Witherspoon) Fortunately LA only came away with a field goal and a 20-14 lead. Even as the Ravens storm back for a field goal of their own before halftime, optimism in Rams House is sky high. If they can hold this lead the rest of the way, they’ll have picked up their signature win of the season.

But in the 2nd Half as the rain returned, the theme changed. No longer would this be a high scoring shootout. Now it would morph into a chess match. The first punch was landed by the SOS defense as they forced a 3 and out. Lamar and General Monken would take advantage of the opportunity. Not in terms of scoring a touchdown, but in terms of getting the game back to even. (Plus Aaron Donald made a nice play using his helmet to halt the drive) Now it’s 20 all. At this rate with how this game has been going anything can happen. I wonder what nonsense is about to take place? (BEEP!) “Pass interference, defense #44.” Marylander: Really Marlo, I get that this was a questionable penalty, but seriously wake up buddy! Are you way too focused on building a career in podcasting!? Narrator: Enough, enough. Don’t you worry Salty Marylander, the defense didn’t give up anything on that drive. There is one issue though. (CRASH!) Bad snap leading to a safety. Marylander: CRAP! (That was when the rain came down the hardest though, not too worried) Narrator: Even with the opportunity to stretch their lead out, the Rams couldn’t solve the rubik’s cube of Kyle Van Noy. Well they’ve had this problem since he was with the Patriots so it’s not surprising. With a chance to take the lead with either a touchdown or field goal, Baltimore mounted another serious threat. Over the next 6 minutes they marched 65 yards, but a nice tackle by Michael Hoecht stalled the drive. But hey at least JT was able to make this a 23-22 game. After both teams traded 3 and outs, LA had seen enough. They began going back to what made them successful in the 1st Half. Timing patterns and forcing the Ravens D to pick their poison. The big play on this drive was a circus catch by Puca Nucua, setting up the former Raven DeMarcus Robinson for the go-ahead score. Marylander: WAIT WHY IS BOY WONDER CHALLENGING THIS TD! DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT ALL SCORING PLAYS ARE REVIEWED AND IT WILL COST HIM A TIMEOUT! COME ON! PAUSE.

Narrator: Little did anyone know that Harbaugh actually played this out pretty well. The long stoppage halted the Rams momentum, as they were unsuccessful on the 2 point conversion. Trailing by 5 with 5 minutes left, the Boys in Purple knew that there would be no tomorrow. They had to score a touchdown. Over the next 3 minutes, Planet LJ guided his team deep into LA territory. However on back to back plays near the 10 yard line, the Rams defense stood up big time. The killer being a controversial 6 yard sack by Byron Young. The only time Jackson would be sacked all day was a result of his knee being down by contract just before he released the ball. In the eyes of the media, they just can’t wait to bash this man despite him putting up his best passing game of the season. (Especially Jeff Saturday, and Dan Orlovsky) But on 3rd and 17… HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! The High End Talent. This is why the Ravens drafted Zay Flowers 22nd Overall. His breakaway speed and the ability to make tough catches in tight spots. Plus he got the 2 point conversion to make it 31-28. Raven Bros: Whistling (Our prayers to the Football Gods were answered) Narrator: I saw that. So that’s why you 3 took a knee before the 2 point play happened. Boys I don’t need to interrupt you, but this thing is far from over. Especially with Matthew Stafford being one of the best QBs at executing the 2 minute drill. Before you know it, the Rams are deep in Ravens territory. Luckily for the fans in attendance the drive stalled thanks to great coverage on two straight 50-50 balls. You know what this means? WE’RE GOING INTO OVERTIME! The Game of the Year as it seems like must be decided this way. Baltimore gets first dibs in OT and is forced to settle for a 3 and out. Oh good lord, it’s going to be another heartbreak isn’t it? (BEEP!) “Delay of game, offense.” How did McVay not know how much time was on the play clock? I know he said that there was an issue with the clock operator in the stadium, but seriously though the Ravens had this same problem occur late in the 1st Half. Not to mention that penalty came back to bite them because they too were forced into a 3 and out. Looks like the Ravens are going to need a big spark in order to get in field goal range. Devin Duvernay was knocked out on the same play Tylan Wallace jumped offsides on in the 1st Half, now Wallace who has been a Special Teams player for most of his 3 year career will have the game resting on his shoulders. “Wallace settles under it at the 25, gets a block, comes to the near side 30, spins out of one tackle 35, along the near sideline 40 (“Eh Block in the Back” -Rams fans), he’s at midfield, Wallace to the 40, STILL ON HIS FEET 30, 20, 10, CELEBRATION TIME! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) NO FLAGS! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) WALLACE IN THE ENDZONE! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) HAY’S IN THE BARN! (GAME OF THE YEAR VICTORS!) AND THE RAVENS WIN IT IN OVERTIME!” (SOS ALL CHALLENGERS!) Marylander: THE RAVENS WIN THE GAME! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) THE RAVENS WIN THE GAME! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) A WALK OFF PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN BY TYLAN WALLACE! (WE’RE 100% LEVITATING!) THAT’S ONE OF THE GREATEST GAMES YOU WILL EVER SEE! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) INJECT THE OPTIMISM IN MY VEINS RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) Whole Cast: YEAAAAAAAAH! PAUSE.

(Rain On Me) Narrator: OH! MY! GOODNESS! I cannot believe what I just saw with my own two eyes! In what possibly could be the Game of the Year in the NFL, the Ravens win it on a Walk Off Punt Return. The most Harbaugh Way to end a game. (Get it because he once was a Special Teams mastermind in Philly) It comes to show you how mentally tough this team truly is. Even when the SOS defense had an off game thanks to playing an offense firing on all cylinders, the offense and special teams units came to the rescue. At 10-3 and now tied for the best record in the NFL, the Boys in Purple have survived the first step in the “Schedule of Death” but still many great challenges await. By the way, I must give a lot of credit to the LA Rams. To go toe to toe with what looks to be the AFC Favorite to reach the Super Bowl for 60 minutes and then some is a great achievement even if it ended in defeat. They’ll be back here again. If I’m an NFC, I wouldn’t want to face them in the playoffs. With that offensive attack they have, with the Super Bowl experience of McVay, plus Aaron Donald and several young pieces on defense. The Rams could cause plenty of chaos in the playoffs if they get there. LA may be 6-7 but with their schedule, they’ve got a clear shot at a playoff berth. Anyways keep up the good word. As for Baltimore, there are still many questions that linger. Will this team survive the Schedule of Death? Is Lamar better than ever? Will the defense prove that the Rams game said less about them? And will the Ravens have enough juice to clinch the #1 seed? With every other division leader losing this weekend, Baltimore now controls their own destiny for the top seed and the NFL’s version of the Presidents Trophy. As long as they don’t end up like they did in 2006 and 2019 as well as the Orioles this past October, everyone in this city will take it. As the Maryland Festivus keeps getting closer and closer, SO ARE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Raven Bros: Whistling (I’D RATHER BE DRY BUT AT LEAST I’M ALIVE! RAIN ON ME! RAIN! RAIN! RAIN ON ME! RAIN! RAIN! I’D RATHER BE DRY BUT AT LEAST I’M ALIVE! RAIN ON ME! RAIN! RAIN!) Edgar: Whistling (RAIN!) Allan: Whistling (ON!) Poe: Whistling (ME!) “O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O!”