(Omar Whistle/Warriors playing)…………………………………………………………………………..
Bragging Rights Sports Presents:
A Maryland Culture Production
CHARM CITY BEASTS
The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens
In This Town, Determination, BECOMES OBSESSION!
AND THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!
S…..O…..S!
YOU CAN’T CLIP THESE WINGS!
Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Odell Beckham Jr, Roquan Smith, Marlon Humphrey, Patrick Queen, Geno Stone, Kyle Hamilton, Keaton Mitchell, Justin Tucker, Eric DeCosta, Ozzie Newsome, Todd Monken, Mike Macdonald, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, with the Raven Brothers, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.
(Season 4) Episode 9: A Big Time Gaining of Confidence
R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Narrator: It’s a good time to be a Ravens fan. A 6-2 record atop a loaded AFC North with the offense having not yet peaked. The big question now is what will the Ravens do at the trade deadline? They have options, and even though their cap situation isn’t the best, it won’t stop EDC from trying. Their first target happens to be the one time whipping boy of the entire city. Derrick Bleeping Henry. (Imagine saying this in January 2020) Even if he’s going to be 30 at the end of the season, he’s still one of the top runners in the league despite being in the last year of his contract, and the Ravens do need help at that position especially if Justice Hill or Gus Edwards goes down. Why not offer Tennessee a 3rd and 6th Round pick. Here’s the problem. (YoYo Sound) The Titans owner vetoed it just a day before the trade deadline. The deal was off. How about Saquan Barkley, a RB who has elite talent but needs a change of scenery, a perfect opportunity to pull a 2022 CMC. Only for him to refuse a trade, and for John Mara to pretend that everything is fine. Sounds like the Giants to me. (They’re going to turn Saquan into the next Ki-Jana Carter aren’t they?) Oh there’s still another back on the market. Josh Jacobs. That’s the piece we need. He’s on the franchise tag, and the Raiders probably won’t get a deal done with him in the offseason. However there’s a major issue. Vegas won’t answer any phone calls, and they want a 2nd Round pick in return. For a RB that’s a rental for 9-13 games? What kind of stupid juice are they drinking? Well if RB is out of the picture, how about more depth at edge rusher. Chase Young is a local product and needs to get out of Washington, a perfect time to swoop in. (YoYo Sound) He got traded to the 49ers. Yep, the Commies sticking to tradition made it clear that they were never trading him across the Beltway. You know what, let’s just not make a move, save cap space for Queen, Stone, and Madubuike’s new paydays this offseason. I hope Keaton Mitchell is the answer. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (Raiders fire McDaniels, and GM Ziegler) Why are we getting news from another team? PAUSE.
For the second time in the last 13 years, Ozzie Newsome and Eric DeCosta have gotten Josh McDaniels fired. But Mike you ask, the Ravens had nothing to do with the issues in each of those situations thanks to the culture of fear that McDaniels brought with him. Let me put it to you this way. Here’s a rundown of the two instances. In 2009, McDaniels’ Broncos started 6-0 with the highest point differential in the league. They won 4 of those games against teams that made the playoffs. They were ranked higher than the Colts and Saints were that season going into Week 8. (Both of those teams started 13-0 for crying out loud) Then Denver went into M&T Bank Stadium with the entire country cheering them on and they got smacked. 30-7 and if it weren’t for a questionable PI call against Dominque Foxworth the Broncos would have gotten shut. Denver lost that game and 7 of their next 9 after that to finish with an 8-8 record. Then in the offseason, McDaniels and John Elway drank the stupid juice in believing that Tim Tebow was a 1st Round pick. Yes they denied Baltimore of Dez Bryant by trading up to get Tebow, but the draft picks that the Broncos gave Baltimore over the next two years became Dennis Pitta, and Torrey Smith who were two key contributors to the Ravens Super Bowl Title in 2012. (The other pick was part of the Anquan Boldin Trade, which the Cardinals shipped to Pittsburgh, that pick became Emmanuel Sanders) And after getting routed by the Ravens again in Week 5 of 2010, McDaniels was fired as Broncos head coach. In this case Baltimore got him and the Raiders GM fired in Vegas not by doing anything on the field, but by not willing to listen to their offers as well as those from other teams. Those two men made it clear that Vegas wouldn’t answer their telephones if they didn’t get the offers they wanted. (I might be making this up, but I feel like this was the case) As mentioned, the Raiders wanted a 2nd Round pick for Josh Jacobs. Let me put it this way, no RB in today’s NFL, especially a rental like Jacobs, is worth a 2nd Round pick. I’m not only saying that to Vegas, I’m saying this to the Giants, and Titans. Because they wanted similar packages for King Henry and Saquan. Not to mention the Raiders wanted a 1st and 3rd for Davante Adams in return. Dallas to the surprise of no one gave them the hard tilt of the shoulder. (Although it would have been nice to see Adams in a Cowboy uniform) Now when you think about it, I’m glad the Ravens didn’t do anything. Because if they had fallen for the idiocy of some of these GMs around the league, it would have been ugly and it may have cost them a pick that may become Blake Corum. Anyways enough of that. Let’s get back to the real stories going on around the team.
First it involves Odell Beckham’s search for his first Ravens TD. He’s come close, really close. Last week against Arizona he was robbed of one thanks to a PI call in the endzone. And considering that he’s turning 31 this Sunday, OBJ wants his birthday present to be a trip to the endzone for the first time since Super Bowl LVI. If you want something, go get it. As for Planet LJ, he once again trolled the media after they asked him about his career record against NFC. He downplayed it by saying, I don’t care about that too much, I’m just trying to win football games. That’s the right mindset to me if you look at it. Following a stretch of 5 out of 7 on the road featuring 3 division road games, a London game, and a trip to Arizona, Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh knows that this 3 game homestand means everything in the grand scheme of things. He says the objective is to win them all. I know that, but we must take baby steps to do all of this. He and EDC also stated a phrase following the trade deadline that would make Buck Showalter himself proud. “I like our guys.” Well they’re not wrong because they’ve statistically been one of the top teams in the NFL, and really haven’t hit their peak yet. There’s still time to improve but hey just keep going up.
I know I’ve gone on a long monologue so now let’s get to our Skit of the Week starring the Raven Brothers. After 8 weeks the standings are what we thought they would be. Close and tightly contested. Poe and Allan are tied with 3 wins while Edgar has 2. And this week since we found out the news that Outkast will be the halftime act of this year’s Blackout on November 16. The Skit will be a Just Dance segment. (The scary thing is that they may not be the biggest celebrity draw at M&T Bank Stadium that night depending how the cards play out) And if you remember correctly, Edgar was the odd man out last year when we did this. Now he gets his shot at redemption. And he’s been putting the work in too. Edgar: Whistling (No more games this year, I’M BEATING Y’ALL!) Sounds like a confident bird right there. Poe: Whistling (Well this year I don’t have the bad knee so I’ll be ready) Allan: Whistling (YOU’RE GOING DOWN! BOTH OF YOU!) Marylander: I wonder what Outkast song they’re doing. Narrator: Salty Marylander, they’re doing the well known Hey Ya! Marylander: Oooh, ok I see you boys. Narrator: Alright, the mode is loading on the screen so we’ll let them do their thing. “GO!” My guess is after seeing this last year with SOS, it’s going to be a close one. Who do you think is the favorite Salty Marylander? Marylander: Uh, I’d probably go with Allan, because he won this last year. Although it’s a different song so I don’t know. (A few moments later) Narrator: OH BOY! We got drama, we’ve reached the last segment, Edgar has the lead but it’s getting very close. Who will have the longest combo streak at the end? Marylander: AND AFTER GETTING DEMOLISHED AT SOS A YEAR AGO EDGAR HAS MADE IT 3 ALL IN THE STANDINGS! Edgar: Whistling (HEY YA! HEY YA!) Narrator: That’s the spirit my man! Now you’ve created chaos. Edgar: Whistling (Why) Marylander: Look at the standings. Edgar 3 Allan 3 Poe 3. Poe: Whistling (Wow, this is fun) Allan: Whistling (We each have things we’re good at and things that we’re not so good at but hey I love doing this) Narrator: Allan you should. PAUSE.
This week the Boys in Purple return home to M&T Bank Stadium for another matinee matchup against a division leader. This time it’s Seattle. A team like the Ravens has been one of the most consistent winners in the NFL over the last 20 years. The Seahawks have won 5 of their last 6 and seem to keep getting better each week. (A big trade for Leonard Williams will make sure of it) Winning a defensive struggle a week ago against the Browns at home in their Kingdome Uniforms is a start, but Baltimore will be a different animal. Early in this game, the defenses would set the tone. Mike Man’s scheme to neutralize DK Metcalf and one time enemy Kennith Walker would be a success. Opening the game with a 3 and out sent a message that this would be a long day for Geno Smith. Seattle’s D was also making their presence felt. Planet LJ and the offense would be contained early on. Turns out that Leonard Williams has made a big impact. (That and a loaded Seahawks secondary) As the first quarter ended it felt as if whoever made the first punch would dominate the rest of the way. Hold on what second, Allan what are you doing? Allan: Whistling (I’m just busting a few moves) Narrator: Like the energy, why don’t you save some for the rest of the game. Allan: Whistling (Sure thing buddy) Narrator: Right as the 2nd Quarter began, the Boys in Purple like they did against Detroit began imposing their will. Gus the Bus would cap off a 12 play drive with a 4 yard plunge into the East end zone. Now you can dance Allan! Allan: Whistling (Great) Narrator: Anyways, the motto from their 2000 Super Bowl came into play. If we score a touchdown first GAME OVER! That’s what happened. (SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT!) Does Geno Stone think he’s Ed Reed now? That’s now 6 interceptions in his last 8 games. (The most by a Raven in an 8 game span since Reed had 8 in 5 games in 2008) Marylander: If only Ronnie Stanley wouldn’t get torched by Boye Mafe that would be great. Narrator: I won’t go too hard because Mafe has had at least 1 sack in his last 7 games. Fortunately the Seahawks couldn’t do anything with the opportunity. Then the Ravens capitalized just like they did earlier by eating up 6 minutes of clock. Wouldn’t you guess it Gus Edwards scored his 5th TD in the last 5 quarters. (Man is he heating up) Up 14-0, Baltimore was in good hands. Then came the only big play of the day for the Seahawks, a 50 yard pass to DK Metcalf thanks to Agent Zero making a rare coverage mistake. Luckily they only got a field goal out of it. Next we will find out that OBJ fumbled his birthday present as Seattle gets a prime chance at getting back in the game. Marylander: UGH! COME ON GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME BOYS! Narrator: Oh they will alright, anything the Seahawks can do, the Ravens can do better. 2 sacks in a row by Kyle Van Noy one of them being a fumble recovered by Broderick Washington. JT would add a field goal to make it 17-3 at halftime.
So far the Boys in Purple have dominated but can they make the right adjustments because we know Seattle will do plenty of that. (A Pete Carroll trademark over the years) However those adjustments backfired. Why? Because Gus Edwards turned into a Tesla bus running over Seahawk defenders for a 42 yard run. Poe: Whistling (ANGRY RUNS!) Narrator: Oh he’ll for sure win that trophy this week. Seattle, don’t think you’re done giving up long runs today just you watch. The good news for them is that Baltimore only got a field goal, the bad news is that the SOS defense is imposing its will. Roquan Smith and Patrick Queen are monsters who hunt down everything they see. Edgar: Whistling (Agent Zero/PQ Run Pop!) Narrator: Good one Edgar. Up 23-3 late in the 3rd Quarter, it was about time for General Monken to unleash his secret weapon. “Inside handoff, Keaton Mitchell, breaks a tackle, he’s at the 35, 30, legrace 20, the rookies’ at the 10, 5, TOUCHDOWN RAVENS! KEATON MITCHELL! And with 29 seconds left to play in the 3rd Quarter THE HAY’S IN THE BARN!” Marylander: SPEED! I AM SPEED! Narrator: Love the Lightning McQueen reference Salty Marylander! If you think that’s awesome, just wait until you see this. “As Mitchell gets the toss, he’s gonna get a 100 yard game on this run! Oh my goodness he breaks it again. Cuts back, thrown down at the 18 yard line.” I am at a loss of words right there. Who needs King Henry, Saquan and Josh Jacobs, we got two solid backs plus Justice Hill as insurance. And oh by the way, OBJ exercised the demons by scoring his first TD as a Raven. Raven Bros: Whistling (Go shorty, it’s your birthday, you can find me in da club. Bottom from the floor, OBJ gonna score. B-More taking it all, gotta have a 6 pack, and we’re making love. The media eatin’ words.) Narrator: Love the 50 Cent quote boys. Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy) With that being said the Ravens move to 7-2, just the way we like it. Marylander: THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! PAUSE.
Narrator: Another home game, another media darling coming into M&T Bank Stadium to get smacked. I personally thought this would be a closer game. I was really intrigued by how young and talented the Seahawks were especially with all of their excellent pieces at WR, and DB. But like the Lions, they picked their poison and lost. This time it was the running game that did the damage. But still Planet LJ completed 21 of 26 passes. This is the lesson teams are going to learn when facing Baltimore. If you focus on one area, you get burned by the other. You better hope the Ravens beat themselves or else you’re toast. The scary thing is that they haven’t even peaked offensively. You can tell that with how Lamar, OBJ, Monken, and other key players on offense are talking. They know that they have bigger fish to fry. Especially with the hardest schedule in the NFL on their plate. The defense has given up only 3 TDs in their last 8 home games. That’s 2000 Ravens type numbers. Speaking of which this is the fewest points a team has ever allowed in their first nine games since then. And they’re touchdowns/drive percentage is 9%. The lowest since those Ravens 23 years ago. Begin the comparisons of that 2000 defense as well as the 2006 one. This could be a special year in Baltimore as the season goes on. But we must remember that we can’t overlook anything. (BOOM!) Especially since the entire division would be in the playoffs if the season ended today. The Ravens are leading what possibly could be the most loaded division in NFL History. We potentially could have all 4 teams as Super Bowl Contenders in the AFC North. The Bengals have won 4 straight following a 1-3 start, the Steelers have won 3 of 4, and are basically unbeatable at Heinz Field in December because they play so well at the end of the year, and the Browns now have a healthy Deshaun Watson plus the only defense that can rival the Boys in Purple. Before we wrap up, I have a special announcement to make. Next week’s episode will be a first in Charm City Beasts History. We are doing a 2 Part Special in honor of Blackout Week! So get your popcorn ready because it’ll be a spectacle to behold. Like the Ravens being undefeated since PQ’s night out with Ms. Grande, SO ARE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Raven Bros: Whistling (SOMETHING BIG I FEEL IT HAPPENING OUT OF MY CONTROL! PUSHING FORWARD NOTHINGS STOPPING ME! I FEEL IT IN MY BONES LIKE! O! O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O! SOMETHING BIG I FEEL IT HAPPENING O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O-O-O-O! O-O-O-O! SOMETHING BIG I FEEL IT HAPPENING) R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Bragging Rights Sports 