Football is coming home. No, not the English Premier League. THE NFL! The AFC like the last few years is expected to be a dog fight and there are even more compelling teams in this quest for the Lombardi Trophy. Every team in the conference has some semblance of optimism. Let’s go over them shall we.
Buffalo Bills (Knocking on McKinley’s Grave): Congratulations Buffalo, you are the servants of this year’s Madden Cover Curse as Josh Allen dons the cover of Madden 24. Now there’s two legendary curses to overcome this year. (3 depending on if they have the SI Jinx going into the playoffs) The Bills themselves aren’t the media darlings that they were for the last two years. Honestly this should play to their advantage. It seems like they’re one of those teams that plays well when they have nothing to lose. (As someone who is a fan of a team that loves that label, it really plays to your advantage) The questions on Stefon Diggs future on the team haven’t come into play yet. Hopefully Von Miller should be healthy in time for the postseason push. Once again, the Bills have to prove that a Run and Shoot offense can win in the playoffs in sub 40 degree temperatures. I wonder if James Cook will break out into his full potential. He may be the piece that could finally get Buffalo over the top. (As long as the O-Line doesn’t crumble on themselves) Even in a stacked AFC, BillsMafia should be the safe bet to win the division, unless the Football Gods want to troll them again.
Miami Dolphins (The Art of Splash Players): 2022 was a perfect representation of the Dolphins franchise since the Sea of Hands Game. Get off to a fast start, convince the fans and media that they are Super Bowl Contenders, and then throw a pie in their face as they can’t finish the deal and are struck down by injuries. Now Miami is desperate to get back to their first Super Bowl since Days of Marino. All of the eggs in this basket will be put into the health of Tua Tagovailoa. If he can finish a full season, especially with Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle, this team should be the biggest dark horse championship contender in the AFC. This is a top heavy team however, and they have flaws across the roster. Mainly interior O-Line, RB, and LB room. (They wanted Dalvin Cook, but got trolled by their longtime rival in the Jets) They did get Vic Fangio as their new defensive coordinator and made a huge trade for Jalen Ramsey. (CRACK!) Right after he recovers from knee surgery. From how I see it, as long as Stephen Ross is the owner, the most underrated hard lucked franchise in the NFL will continue to be snakebitten. No one feels bad.
New England Patriots (A Quiet Confidence): Its rarity when the Patriots are the ones that the media is writing off before a game has been played. If anyone knows Bill Belichick, this is a situation where he has historically thrived in. Mac Jones is entering a critical Year 3, and luckily he won’t have two clowns calling the shots this year. In comes the return of Bill O’Brien, who like Josh McDaniels before him is a much better coordinator than as a head coach. At least Mac has new weapons like JuJu Smith-Schuster and Mike Gesicki to work with, and oh by the way Zeke is on board. Just like last year the fate of this team will be in the hands of its defense. Even if Devin McCourty retired, they at least got a consolation prize in a potential generational talent in Christian Gonzalez. (I still can’t believe he dropped all the way to 17) If he plays like he did at Oregon he should fill the void that they’ve missed since JC Jackson. As I said the big question will be whether the offense proves that their 2022 struggles weren’t a fluke. If so, New England should regain its empire and make it back to the playoffs. If not, the entire division will finally get to laugh at them after 20 years of Foxborough domination. I know who the main one that’ll be laughing if that fate does happen.
New York Jets (God Help Us All): Behold Ladies and Gentlemen the most overhyped team in NFL History heck maybe the history of American Team Sports. No this is not an overreaction, this is facts darn it! When you play in the most insufferable media market in the world, have a franchise that hasn’t won a championship since Broadway Joe’s Deal with the Devil in 1968, make a blockbuster trade for Aaron Rodgers who already is a media darling, are the center of Hard Knocks, and have ESPN all but hand you the Lombardi Trophy there will be people that will beat the drum on how you’ll win it all before a game will be played. They not only got Rodgers, they added Dalvin Cook, Allen Lazard, and they nearly made another blockbuster trade for Devante Adams. (With Corey Davis’ retirement they might actually make that move come the trade deadline) Oh by the way their defense is one of the best in the game led by a generational talent in Sauce Gardiner. However with all of this talent there are many concerns. This is a team with questions on the Offensive Line, (An issue that most overhyped teams like the 2019 Browns, 2022 Broncos, and 2000 Redskins have) and this is a team that has learned nothing from sending a king’s ransom Brett Favre, and this is a team that has a head coach who has deer in the headlights in big moments and this is the New York Jets. If there’s any franchise that’s going to ButtFumble the most talented team in franchise history, it’s this one. I hope they do. Greeny and Mike Tannenbaum won’t agree with this, but the salty would be legendary. (With their schedule to open the season it could get ugly and fast, please get smacked by Buffalo in Week 1)
Baltimore Ravens (Long Live The Raven Empire): There was no way I was dealing with the Ravens becoming the punchline of the AFC North for the next 5 years like they were in the 1990s. (A world where the Browns and Bengals are the class of the division by default. Thats what would have happened if Lamar left) Thank goodness that fate never happened. Eric DeCosta and John Harbaugh know that their team is on the verge of vanishing years of playoff failures. Not only is Lamar Jackson back with a new contract, they also gave him plenty of weapons to work with. In comes Odell Beckham, Nelson Agholor, and 1st Round pick Zay Flowers. (Not to mention Todd Monken as OC fresh off 2 National Titles at Georgia) It says something when Mark Andrews, and their running game isn’t considered as the main headliners. That right there is scary. Not only that, but the Ravens defense hasn’t been hyped up. They did lose three key veterans at the backend of their careers to free agency but many of their key players are in their primes. A full season of Roquan Smith, David Ojabo and Marcus Williams should do wonders for them. (They’re called the SOS Squad for a reason and it’s fun) Now here lies the question. Will Baltimore avoid the injury bug? Steve Saunders leaving is a start, and hopefully Scott Elliott isn’t as much of a hack as his predecessor unless Saunders is wearing a mask of Elliott’s face. They have the pieces to make a Super Bowl if the cards play out in their favor. (CRACK!) AND as soon as I say this Marlon Humphrey needs foot surgery. Thank goodness it’s not serious and he should be back by Week 4 at the latest. Looks like Rock Ya-Sin should take the mantle I guess. Marylander: Wait a minute let’s forget all of that happened, they just signed Jadeveon Clowney and Ronald Darby! WE’RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL IF WE HAVE TO DIE TRYING! (All Hail the return of the Raven Brothers and U2 Entrance)
Cincinnati Bengals (The Bungles Who Cried Werewolf): The franchise that everyone in Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Kansas City wants to see fail at first sight. Remember when we thought the Bungles were going away from being a team that opened their big mouths every time they had a contending team. Unfortunately, those habits are not only still around, they’ve gotten worse. If you thought they’re ripping of Arrowhead, and M&T Bank Stadium last year was bad, wait until you see what Cincy has up their sleeves this offseason. JaMarr Chase throwing Patrick Mahomes under the bus, and calling Marlon Humphrey burnt toast, Tyler Boyd making excuses about Odell Beckham’s performance before a torn ACL in Super Bowl LVI, Mike Hilton chirping at Kenny Pickett, and Orlando Brown saying that Todd Monken will have the same approach as Greg Roman did. (We as well as KC tried warning you about Baby Zeus Cincy) That’s not even the worst of it. No it’s not losing Jessie Bates, and Vonn Bell to free agency, or having 3 OTA practices all offseason keep going. It’s the slogan the fans have dubbed this team as. Win-Cinnati? That’s what you’re dubbing yourselves? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM LAST YEAR!? Look I get that the Bengals have a strong team and many of their skill players are in their primes, but a slogan that is so outrageous? This team is down there with Dallas and the ButtFumble in terms of insufferability. I wonder what the Football Gods have in store? (CRACK!) Joe Burrow suffering a calf strain and not being 100% for the first few weeks. Sounds like karma doesn’t it. (It says something when I hate them more than Pittsburgh and Tennessee)
Cleveland Browns (The Haslam Volcano): This may be the most critical season that the Browns have had since we have a signed contract at hand. Cleveland is less than a year away from being trapped in Cap Hell for the next half decade, and they are doing everything they can to save jobs. Bringing in ZaDarius Smith and Dalvin Tomlinson for the defense, and having Deshaun Watson for a full season are signs of optimism. Then again this is the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NFL. A franchise that has been suffering for so long, yet hypes themselves up every year only to underachieve. (This actually is the least they’ve been hyped up since 2018) The Browns may be the biggest Wild Card in the AFC, and it’s depending on a bunch of things. Will Watson prove that he isn’t the product of DeAndre Hopkins? Will Jim Schwartz not be a liability like he was in 2020 with the Eagles? Will Kevin Stefanski prove that he didn’t need Gary Kubiak and Todd Monken to succeed? And will they be able to get past the Ravens and Steelers at full strength for once? (They haven’t beaten Baltimore with Lamar since 2019, and they haven’t beaten Pittsburgh with TJ Watt since 2020) If all of those things fail, Jimmy Haslam is trending towards blowing up this franchise for the 5th time in his tenure. I can only imagine how big of an explosion that volcano of his will be if they finish in last place again. (Meanwhile with the other franchise he owns, Haslam’s ticked off Giannis to the point where he might want out of Milwaukee too. When will he ever learn?)
Pittsburgh Steelers (A Never Say Die Standard): We were so close to seeing a Mike Tomlin coached team have a losing record. But then like most years when people think they’re done, the Steelers find new ways to win. (It was the same nonsense when they had the Leader of Men) The momentum they built at the end of last season has them thinking big. Kenny Pickett is due for a breakout 2nd season, the Offensive Line went through an overhaul in the draft, George Pickens, Najee Harris, and Pat Friermuth are becoming cornerstones, and if TJ Watt and Minkah Fitzpatrick are healthy, the defense should be near the top. (Joey Porter Jr, and Patrick Peterson come on down) I have learned this lesson for many years that until its official, you can never ever say that Pittsburgh is out of the picture. Because they’ll burn you when you least expect it. However the elephant in the room on this team, especially the offense, is Matt Canada. Which version of him will we see? The one where the offense was firing on all cylinders at the end of the season, or the one where they have no answers for elite edge rushers and the Yinzers want him chucked into the Allegheny? (BLAME CANADA! BLAME CANADA! Before their beady little eyes have packed their heads so full of lies!) We all know what the Steelers defense can do when they’re on their game. Can the offense match them? There lies the challenge.
Houston Texans (Jobs Shall Be Saved): One move describes the Texans thinking. No it’s not hiring DeMeco Ryans as head coach, or bringing in half of the 49ers coaching staff from last year, or drafting CJ Stroud. It’s a move they made on draft night. Trading a king’s ransom to Arizona to move up to #3 to select a generational edge rusher in Will Anderson. Why? Not only does Houston want their own version fo Dick Butkus and Gale Sayers, Nick Caserio is doing everything he can to save his job. Yes he was given a golden chance at building a strong roster thanks to Cleveland being idiots, but now we want results. Especially considering that the only 1st Round pick they own in 2024 was from the Watson Trade. (They traded their original 1st in the Will Anderson Trade) The only issue I have right now with the Texans despite positive strides being made is the development of CJ Stroud. I think he’ll be really good, but he needs time to develop. And chucking him out against the SOS defense of a man who exposed him in college to start his career is alarming. (This time he won’t have JSN, Marvin Harrison Jr, Olave, and Garrett Wilson to throw to) Don’t worry Texans, the only way to go from here is up.
Indianapolis Colts (Copycats of Lamar/Hurts): Sometimes I can only wonder if Jim Irsay is trying to chase trends instead of focus on the real issues. This offseason for the Colts was proof of that. Hiring Shane Steichen as head coach because he was the OC in Philly, and helped to develop Jalen Hurts isn’t the only one, keep going. That and hiring James Urban to be a part of the offensive staff because he was Lamar Jackson’s QB coach in Baltimore were considered appetizers to what happened on Draft Night. Indy went against logic by not taking Devon Withersoon to fill a need at corner. Instead they took Anthony Richardson 4th overall. (I still am laughing at the selection all of these months later) The worst part isn’t that they didn’t address other needs on the roster when they already had a decent QB, but that they took AR5 for the idea of being a lookalike of Lamar, or Hurts. (Gardiner Minshew is a solid stopgap option, and they could have just tanked for Caleb Williams. BUT NO!) Not only that but they ticked off Jonathan Taylor so much that he wants nothing to do with the Colts anymore. They better hope to the football gods that the Offensive Line doesn’t continue its hard decline of a year ago. And worst they’re starting Richardson in Week 1 when he clearly isn’t ready. Sounds like a desperation move to put heads in seats. Never change Irsay. This is why you’ll be the joke of the AFC South for the next half a decade. (Like I said, he’s even more raw than Malik Willis. And he wasn’t drafted until the 3rd Round in 2022)
Jacksonville Jaguars (No More Clowns): Thank goodness the organization didn’t become arrogant like they were in the summer of 2018. (Luckily none of those players that were on that 2017 Jags team are still there) When you have Trevor Lawrence who is a strong leader in that locker room and doesn’t get ahead of himself, you should have laser focus going into the season. The Jaguars are hoping that 2022 is a sign that they become more than a one hit wonder, and they become the powerhouse that they were in the late 90s. Getting Calvin Ridley back from suspension will certainly help, so will the emergence of an unheralded receiving room. My only concern is whether all of those big acquisitions of 2022 will keep it up after playing out of their minds last year in the eyes of many. I think they can as long as they stay healthy. There are also rumors that they want to build a retractable dome overtop their current stadium to prevent the heat from kicking in. They saw what Miami did with Hard Rock Stadium and now they want that for themselves. (It may force them to play in Gainesville for a couple of years but hey what can you do) I wouldn’t focus on that if I were a Jags fan, just look at all of the possibilities this team has in 2023
Tennessee Titans (You Aren’t Los Angeles): The Titans have gone from Super Bowl Contender to searching for a new identity in a span of 18 months. Losing in the Divisional Round to a retooled franchise on a hot streak, and then collapsing the next year will do that. (Fun fact: Tennessee went through this in 2009) Now things are getting dicey in Nashville. There are many questions surrounding them this time around. Will Derrick Henry’s legs hold up in order to prevent a tough decline? Will Ryan Tannehill prove that 2022 was a fluke? Will the defense be more than Kevin Byard? And when will they learn from past mistakes? Speaking of the last question, the Titans, learning nothing from Julio Jones, Andre Johnson, and Randy Moss, chuck $15M a year at DeAndre Hopkins. (What they should have done was not trade AJ Brown in 2022) Just like Julio, D-Hop is in his early 30s and becoming injury prone. His health is literally the key to the entire season. If Hopkins is healthy, they might overtake Jacksonville. If not, it’s another in a long line of mistakes when it comes to signing veteran receivers. For the 10th time, YOU ARE NOT LOS ANGELES! YOU’RE NASHVILLE TENNESSEE! ACT LIKE IT! (They won’t because they’ll pretend with all of the Country Music Legends in their city, that they’ll be a celebrity draw like LA)
Denver Broncos (A Renovated Ride): The mood in the Mile High City is similar to the one that consumed the fanbase a year ago. Only this time they have good reasoning for it. Getting rid of Nathaniel Hackett and Mount Walmart making sure John Elway isn’t involved in everyday decisions will certainly help. In comes Sean Payton fresh off a much needed year in the broadcast booth to hopefully restore the proud tradition of this franchise. It also comes with a motivated Russell Wilson, and an upgraded Offensive Line. See, what a difference good coaching makes for a team and a game hasn’t been played yet. The Broncos do have a few things to fix in order to make it back to the playoffs for the 1st time in nearly a decade. One of them is health at WR. Jerry Jeudy AGAIN is injured, and who knows if he will ever get back to 2019 form at Alabama. As long as Pat Surtain and the defense can carry over the strong performance from last year and the offense isn’t a dumpster fire, Denver should be near the postseason. I wouldn’t say Lets Ride just yet, I’d say just wait in line until it’s your turn. Be patient if you will. (With the amount of injuries they have at receiver, yeah it’ll be some time. Will it?)
Kansas City Chiefs (Run It Back Attempt Redux): When a team in this day in age wins a Super Bowl without having a #1 WR, it comes to show you how open minded Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are. The Chiefs are slowly becoming as hated as a certain empire that dominated the league for two decades. (I didn’t mind them winning it all last year, especially since they made the Bungles eat crow) Personally I don’t. I feel like they have too likable a team to be this despised. (Except for Jackson Mahomes that is) Even though the talks of a dynasty are underway, there is a major problem starting to emerge. It involves Chris Jones. Turns out his holdout was much more serious than it looked. He wants Aaron Donald money, and I don’t know if he’ll get it. His presence on defense is what’s holding that unit together even if they have their flaws. If Jones doesn’t suit up this season. They’ll still be really good, but I just don’t know if they can get back to the Super Bowl. But hey if they overcame the losses of Tyreek Hill and the Honey Badger, they can overcome this. Knowing Reid and Mahomes they’re going to do just that. (If they somehow pull it off again, it’ll be “You’re (CENSORED)” to the rest of the league)
Las Vegas Raiders (Operation Clone The Hoodie): When will teams learn that skinning the New England Patriots alive doesn’t always work out unless you’re Tampa Bay and you already have a solid roster? I guess we’ll never know. The Raiders learning nothing from last year, not only skinned the Patriots, they doubled down on it. Signing Jimmy Garoppolo and Jakobi Meyers was too good not to pass on it. They hope that Chandler Jones can overcome a rough 2022 season, and not to mention they still think Josh McDaniels is still a reasonable option. (I don’t think McDaniels is the issue, they always have coordinators with little experience or those who suck) That isn’t even the biggest headline of the offseason. You want more cloning of the Patriots. Well, say hello to your new part owner. That’s right. Tom Brady is now involved in day to day operations. All they need now is Belichick as GM if he resigns from the real Patriots and they’re set. It also comes with Marcus Peters who is so eager to don the Silver and Black. (Um, did you not see how overcooked he was a year ago) When will this team ever learn?
Los Angeles Chargers (The Ultimate Wannabe): When will people realize that you should never ever trust the Chargers to do anything besides underachieve? “But Mike you say, they have Justin Herbert, and an offense when healthy that rivals anyone in the league, OFFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS IN TODAY’S NFL!” Here’s my counterargument. This team would be great if they didn’t have a defense that’s full of guys who aren’t anywhere near expectations and underachievers all across the board. No, I still can’t believe that they drafted Quinton Johnston over Mazi Smith. (I get the character issues, but DT was the biggest need on the roster) The scary thing is that, this isn’t even the worst part they’re going through. The Chargers might have possibly the biggest financial crisis in terms of contracts in the NFL not named the Browns or Jets. Now with Herbert’s massive contract, 7 players are getting paid over $20M a year. They better make a run at it this year, because if not, Cap Hell will consume this organization like it did in 2009. Good luck Spanos, YOU NEED IT! PAUSE.
Prepare for blood. The AFC is going to be nothing but that. The AFC North and East are stacked, and even if the other two divisions are no doubters at the moment, anything can happen. Let’s hope these predictions don’t age poorly. (Spoiler, they probably will)
AFC East
- Bills 11-6 (#4)
- Dolphins 10-7 (#7)
- Patriots 8-9
- Jets 6-11
AFC North
- Ravens 12-5 (#3)
- Steelers 11-6 (#5)
- Bengals 11-6 (#6)
- Browns 8-9
AFC South
- Jaguars 12-5 (#2)
- Titans 8-8-1
- Texans 6-11
- Colts 4-13
AFC West
- Chiefs 14-3 (#1)
- Broncos 9-8
- Chargers 8-8-1
- Raiders 5-12
AFC Wild Card
#3 Ravens over #6 Bengals
#5 Steelers over #4 Bills
#2 Jaguars over #7 Dolphins
AFC Divisional Round
#3 Ravens over #2 Jaguars
#5 Steelers over #1 Chiefs
AFC Championship
#3 Ravens over #5 Steelers
Bragging Rights Sports 