Halfway Point:
Baltimore Ravens (UNDER PRESSURE!): This is kinda where I expected them to be. At the top of the AFC North despite having to overcome another wave of injuries and being exposed late in games thanks to getting in their own way. This team in some people’s minds should still be undefeated but that’s not how the Ravens work. Every year in October no matter who is on the team, they get written off by the media, only to rattle off a nice win streak. We’re seeing that once again. But even then the Boys in Purple aren’t satisfied. They want it all. Look at the storylines. Lamar Jackson is trying to pull a 2012 Flacco, ESPN wants to see them fail once and for all, the return of longtime mascots Edgar and Allan, (Thank god Poe will be back from IR if they get a home playoff game) plenty of key players due for extensions including Marcus Peters, the potential swan song of Calais Campbell, and the ultimate prize. Another generational defensive player. ROQUAN (Censored) SMITH! I swear to god if you don’t make it to the Super Bowl this season, I’m going to the Under Armour Performance Center and never let you hear the end of it. (I’m just teasing) This is probably your last chance with this core before Cap Hell next spring. For the love of all things Old Bay PLEASE DON’T MESS THIS UP! (Remember in 2019 when Ravens Nation played Miami by Will Smith, this time it’s SOS Season)
Episode 10: vs Panthers (An Unexpected Cold Front)
Narrator: Advent, in Raven terms it is the most important time of the NFL season. Usually it’s a 6-8 week period where Baltimore takes no prisoners and the anticipation of the Maryland Festivus is only getting higher with each game. John Harbaugh and his squad know this very well. Last Advent was a complete disaster, 6 straight losses to end the year and both Lamar Jackson and Marlon Humphrey suffered season ending injuries in the process. Harbs analytical decisions played a role too but they would have lost those games regardless. No Festivus in 2021 was the result. Those injuries plus an absolutely brutal schedule to end the year with 5 division games plus the Rams and Packers sandwiched in there was too much for the Boys in Purple to overcome. And to top that off Cincinnati of all teams made the run to the Super Bowl could have belonged to the Ravens. This time around things should be better. With the AFC North weaker than in years past, Baltimore has an easier road towards a division title and the return of Festivus. Uh, the Salty Marylander has something for us right now. Lets see what he’s got? Marylander: This year the Ravens fan base when it comes to the usually dominant 2nd Half of a season and playoff hype songs have something special cooked up. We sat around and wondered what it would be like to recreate the hype of 2019 and the flashbacks of our fans playing Miami by Will Smith. Today we have a new one! Thanks to a now suffocating defense that has led the league in sacks since the Blackout game, (Plus Roquan Smith is on board, and Marcus Williams will be back in December) and the Super Bowl Halftime act being Rihanna this February in Arizona, we are going to put opposing teams in SOS Mode! Poe: Whistling (I love it when a plan comes together!) Allan: Whistling (SOS please, someone me!) Edgar: Whistling (This is our year!) Marylander: That’s right boys. WE’RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL IF WE HAVE TO DIE TRYING! (When did the fans start playing Miami in 2019? Week 11. What week is it right now? Week 11. The irony) PAUSE.
Narrator: Anyways thanks to a clever idea from the Salty Marylander and the Raven brothers we have found the party anthem for this season. As for the Ravens themselves, it was a calm week all things considered. At 6-3 with a Bye on their schedule, the Boys in Purple could do whatever they wanted. Kyle Hamilton and Ronnie Stanley in particular went to M&T to watch their alma mater in Notre Dame take on Navy. The Irish won in a tightly contested game thanks to amazing catches and white hot 1st Half. Planet LJ visited a young Ravens fan that was going through a heart condition following the Monday Night game in New Orleans. For Lamar it was really a calm week compared to being at Wrestle Mania and having a 1-on-1 with Taylor Rooks over the past 2 weeks. As for Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh, well he wanted to focus on getting guys healthy. (By the way he was also at the game since his daughter goes to Notre Dame) In particular Mark Andrews and Gus Edwards. With 1 game in 24 days, there was certainly an emphasis to have players rest up during the Bye Week. Whether it works or not, who knows. But having key players back is a major point of discussion. With their pass rush completely dominating teams left and right over the past few weeks, Mike Macdonald has stated that the evolution of what was once the Ravens greatest weakness under Martindale has been tremendous. It says something when 33 year old Justin Houston is 2nd in the NFL with 8.5 sacks. Just like he did with Aidan Hutchinson and David Ojabo last year at Michigan, Mike Man has taken guys who may not be big names on the pass rush and turned them into game changers. (This is what happens when teams double Odafe Oweh up front as well) Speaking of Ojabo he, like Tyus Bowser, is also back from his achilles injury. The insane Front 7 of the Boys in Purple just got stronger. With 5 deadly edge rushers that they can sub in and out, an underrated D-Line, Patrick Queen playing up to his potential over the last 5 games, and obviously a generational talent in Roquan Smith, the Ravens defense looks ready to put teams on SOS. Um, hold on a second, I wonder what that sound is? Let me go check.
(A few moments later) Are you boys playing Just Dance 2? Poe: Whistling (Yes we are buddy) Edgar: Whistling (We set it up on the Wii Console) Narrator: You boys are hilarious. Allan: Whistling (Can you guess which song we’ve danced to) Narrator: Let me guess SOS. Poe: Whistling (You betcha! We need to be hyped up for the 2nd Half) Narrator: That’s what we need. We need those good vibes. So who has gotten the most points? Allan: Whistling (I have) Narrator: I’m not shocked, Allan you have probably more energy than any of us, keep it going! Allan: Whistling (Big Truzz) Narrator: Salty Marylander, are you seeing this? Marylander: What? Narrator: The Raven brothers are playing Just Dance 2. Marylander: That is hilarious! Edgar: Whistling (I know it is since we’re boys and it’s normally a game mostly played by girls but hey when a game like that features the hype up song for the 2nd Half you have to play it) Marylander: I see Edgar. Now I understand. Can I play? Poe: Whistling (Sure buddy) (3 minutes later) Marylander: UGH! ALLAN IS TOO GOOD! Allan: Whistling (That’s right, I can do no wrong in this game) Narrator: Anyways boys those were some good moves you put on, but we need to get to the game.
Speaking of this week’s matchup, the Boys in Purple face another NFC South opponent in the Carolina Panthers. A squad that early in the season was one of the biggest gong shows in the league. Matt Rhule got fired after just 5 games, trading away Christian McCaffery, and benching Baker Mayfield. They had to play a backup in PJ Walker over the past 4 games. He did alright winning 2 of the 4 games. But those were against division rivals in the Buccaneers and Falcons. Carolina may be 3-1 against their own division, but are 0-6 outside of the division including 0-4 on the road. On paper it sounds like this would be a game dominated by Baltimore especially in M&T Bank Stadium. But the Ravens need to be aware of one thing. CRACK! PJ Walker sprained his ankle Atlanta or so we think he did. He will be sidelined for the next 2-4 weeks. In his place comes a man who John Harbaugh knows very well. BAKER MAYFIELD! The man who was once hailed as the savior of the Cleveland Browns gets one more chance to prove to everyone why the Panthers acquired him over the summer. Even if it has become outdated, the hype of Baker has returned. I’m looking right at you Skip Bayless. He stated that Baker has had his 5 best performances of his career against Baltimore. Let’s be real, most of those passing yards were either in garbage time, or against an injured Ravens secondary. Plus he faced Martindale who is now with the Giants and is a huge reason why they have the 2nd best record in the NFL. Twisting the knife, Skip said that this would be the upset of the week. Little does he know that like his old colleague Stephen A, he is about to eat his words from every Marylander in a 250 mile radius. Another factor that would play in, the weather. Normally in November, the weather in Baltimore is in the 50s and 60s with the wind being light. In this game, it was the opposite. 35 degrees with a wind chill of 20 with 30 MPH winds. (A near record low for the exact day)
It would have a huge impact on how the game was played. The Ravens were aggressive to start things out by getting the ball to start. They made good progress but it was undid because of 2 key drops. That would set the tone for how the game would be. Points would be hard to come by. Especially since both defenses benefited due to the strong winds. As for the Panthers offense, they would be at the same disadvantage. And their pass protection is one of the worst in the NFL. That smells like disaster against one of the best defensive fronts in the league. The theme of the 1st Half would be simple. Punts. Jordan Stout and Johnny Hekker, 2 of the best punters in the game this season, would showcase their elite talents. Whenever there wasn’t a punt, well you’d either see a big guy interception, or bad play calling on 4th Down. No one could score until JT added a field goal on the final play of the half. Besides punts, bad weather, plus neither team being able to do much offensively, there was another key element. REFBALL. Jerome Boger. Oh boy. That man gets on almost everyone’s nerves. Long reviews, calling penalties on every 5 plays, and causing the fans to disagree with some calls. Just like in last years Blackout the Ravens have to beat Baker Mayfield and a Boger led officiating crew. The only thing Carolina had going was that they somehow got a field goal due to 2 bad penalties against the Baltimore secondary plus an injury to Kyle Hamilton. That’s gotta tick off Mike Man in a big way. It doesn’t matter since Planet LJ finally woke up and with DeMarcus Robinson having his best game as a Raven, they were able to reach the red zone. But one questionable penalty undid the push. Jackson completed a 3rd and 4 pass to Justice Hill for a 10 yard gain. There was one problem. “Personal foul, facemask, offense #78.” Marylander: Morgan Moses that was a clear facemask call and you know it. You can’t tell Boger that it was a BS call, you could have gotten another 15 yards tacked onto that. Narrator: Yes indeed. How can this get worse? BOOM! Oh dear god. Please don’t tell me Ronnie Stanley is out long term again, luckily he was able to walk off the field and his status is still up in the air. And on top of that Moses was Burned thus leading to a punt. (Get it because that’s who sacked Lamar)
Luckily Stout pinned the Panthers deep in their own end even if the call was originally ruled a touchback. (Why did Boger take so long to review that play, the TV timeout was only 2 minutes) Even if Baker and his boys got out of there they still couldn’t get past midfield. The battle for field position had been key all day. The question was who would win the 4th Quarter. Tied at 3 this defensive slugfest may have seemed boring but as the Salty Marylander said inside M&T Bank Stadium on this cold day we are due for some cheap fireworks. (It’s fitting that Qadry Ismail was the honorary Legend of the Game) That’s what the Ravens provided. Lamar and Mark Andrews finally got off the schneid. The drive lasted 12 plays and even if it didn’t lead to a touchdown, the Boys in Purple had reclaimed the lead. Edgar/Allan: Whistling (Look at us) Poe: Whistling (You get em boys) Narrator: I see you boys. Leading 6-3 with Enter Sandman playing and Real Fan Dan finally getting some scoreboard time, (R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!) the energy inside M&T had changed. What looked like a nervous crowd was all fired up. As for Baker this may be the biggest drive of his career, this may be his last chance to prove himself as a starting QB in the NFL. Sorry to tell you this but I got bad news. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Wouldn’t you guess it, the High End Talent of the Ravens defense seized the game in a big way. Marcus Peters robbed Shi Smith without a gun by striping the ball just before his knee touched the ground. Marlon Humphrey recovered it. First of all, how is that not ruled a touchdown? Marlo wasn’t ruled down and he ran all the way to the West endzone. Well REFBALL wanted to troll B-More again. It didn’t matter because Kenyan Drake finally got some running room and his 30 yard run set up LJ for the only TD of the game. You know what that means? (Alarm siren) SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! Mike Man was about to tee off on his one time nemesis. The pass rush which had been held in check in the sack department all day long finally broke loose. It’s hard when you have to block Calais Campbell, JPP, Justin Houston, etc. with an O-Line that is overcooked to being a hockey puck. On 4th Down Mayfield was dropped by Pierre Paul. Luckily for the Panthers, a holding call against James Proche undid a potential 25 yard run by Jackson. That kept them in the game. Nevermind, Humphrey jumped a roll out pass and picked it off. As Marlo’s celebrity crush would say put all this on replay. No matter what the Panthers did to try and fool the Baltimore defense, it failed miserably. And finally the spoon inside the Raven flavored snow cone. “Baker Mayfield will throw on 3rd Down. Batted down and Intercepted! Deflected ball right into the hands of Jason Pierre Paul and with 43 seconds left to play the hay’s in the barn!” That is a fitting way to end this game. A day dominated by the defense ends with an interception thanks to a batted ball by Broderick Washington. (That’s 2 of those in 2 games. Justin Houston had a pick in the New Orleans game on a similar play) Man that D is giving Charm City flashbacks to 2000. Marylander: I THOUGHT STEPHEN A SAID WE DIDN’T HAVE A DEFENSE! BALTIMORE RAVEN DEFENSE UNCONSCIOUS! PAUSE.
Narrator: This game felt like last year’s Blackout against the Browns. Bizarre game, low scoring, Baker Mayfield, Jerome Boger, chilly conditions, and the Ravens defense dominating. This may have been an ugly win but hey I’ll take it. When you play 1 game in 24 days there is a good chance there will be some rust. That rust came from the offense but that’s because of the cold weather and the fact that the Panthers got 3 of their better defenders back from injury. I must say that Carolina, even though they are unofficially eliminated from the playoffs, have looked like a different team since Matt Rhule was fired. Steve Wilks is still unproven as a coach but he and his team have played smash mouth football for most of the last month. People will say that they are a QB away from being a playoff team but as I’ve said earlier nothing will be fixed unless David Tepper makes a major commitment into bringing excellent O-Line coaches. The issue is I just don’t know where you can find them. Turns out that the Baker Mayfield experiment has failed but you could have had 2015 Cam Newton behind that line, and they’d still be bad. As for the Ravens, well they needed this win. This game all but eliminates Mayfield’s former team in Cleveland as well as Pittsburgh from winning the AFC North. It looks like the division will come down to Baltimore and Cincinnati. In that case it favors the Boys in Purple. They have the easiest schedule while the Bungles have the hardest. Even if Cincy is the defending AFC Champions and have Joe Burrow and a great supporting cast, the road for them is brutal. They still have to play the 3 favorites from the other AFC divisions plus New England, Cleveland with Deshaun Watson, Tampa Bay, and Baltimore. (The Ravens will be playing for a potential #1 seed in that Week 18 game) It’s too soon to tell who has the edge in the AFC North but right now I like the Ravens chances. But they shouldn’t count their eggs until they hatch. After how rusty they were against a Panthers team in quicksand, they shouldn’t take their schedule lightly. With Jacksonville and Denver ahead there’s a good chance they won’t overlook those 2 teams especially after what happened this week. One more thing before we go, Salty Marylander what do you got. Marylander: Be watchful, and ready, for you all know that the chaos of playing us is coming! SOS BABY! RAVENS GHANTA SUPER BOWL! Raven Brothers: Whistling (LETS GOOOO! RAVENS! Big Truzz! LETS GOOOO! RAVENS! Big Truzz! LETS GOOOO! RAVENS! Big Truzz!)
Episode 11: at Jaguars (The Drought in Duval Continues)
Narrator: The time honored tradition has returned. The fanbase of the Baltimore against the National Media! Every year no matter what the circumstance is the talking heads at ESPN, FS1, or NBC Sports find some way to trash Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh and the team he has assembled. This week was no different. After winning ugly against the Carolina Panthers, all the chirping was on how the Ravens offense won’t succeed in the playoffs without an elite passing game. They must have forgotten that DeMarcus Robinson had 128 yards receiving, and they were being held back by penalties at the worst possible times. (Plus 30 MPH winds at M&T that too) That didn’t stop both Stephen A Smith and Keyshawn Johnson from going on a back and forth rant. Stephen A, not even 2 months after calling the Ravens defense trash, declared the offense the same. Keyshawn responded by saying that injuries and only playing 1 game in 24 days had a major part in why they only scored 13 points against Carolina. (Plus the Panthers got 3 of their better defenders back from injury) Overall I think Key is right. Considering that there have been the most rushing yards by the entire league combined since 2006, and defense has also gone up, the style that the Boys in Purple play in can get them a ring. Offenses like the Chiefs, Bills, Dolphins, and maybe the Eagles and Vikings are beatable. You just have to keep them off the field and force them into desperation mode all game. However the worst take of them all came from Colin Cowherd. While ranking the Top 10 teams in his opinion, he left Baltimore out of the Top 10 based on how they played the previous week. If you think thats bad, it gets even worse. Guess who he had in the Top 3? Marylander: HE HAD THE BUNGLES IN THE TOP 3!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (“I have a podcast with Burrow and they beat a declining Steelers team, lets put them in the Top 3!” You snake!) PAUSE.
Narrator: Ok, ok enough of that. Anyways, the Ravens just as they are about to get Gus Edwards, David Ojabo, and Mark Andrews up to full speed were dealt with 2 minor injuries during their win this past Sunday. Kyle Hamilton and Ronnie Stanley. Both were injured in the 2nd Half. And both will be out at least a week. (And on top of that, both of them went to Notre Dame. OH DEAR!) At first we all thought those would be season ending injuries, but the X-Rays they got were better. Ok what are the Raven brothers up to this time? Poe: Whistling (TAKE THAT SALTY MARYLANDER!) Marylander: Poe you rascal! Narrator: So this time you’re playing Mario Kart, a week after playing Just Dance 2, what went into this? Edgar: Whistling (It was either that or Madden, I wanted to play Madden but Allan and Poe wanted to play Mario Kart) Narrator: I get it now. But look at you boys. Playing video games while eating snow cones, with some timely Pictionary. How creative. Allan: Whistling (I know, although Poe is a beast at Mario Kart) Narrator: What courses have you been playing. Poe: Whistling (Usually Bowser’s Castle. The Salty Marylander along with Edgar and Allan are jealous that I keep beating them) Narrator: Paying respect to one of our top pass rushers. I like the idea of playing those 3 levels plus Grumble Volcano.
Enough of that talk we must dive into the next game on the Ravens SOS Tour. This time they head south to take on a one time division rival. The Jacksonville Jaguars. (They were both in the old AFC Central from 1996-2001) Team that is coming off back to back years where they have had the #1 pick in the NFL Draft. Both Trevor Lawrence and Travon Walker have been good players but it hasn’t translated to the win total long term. They may be 3-7 but they somehow have a higher point differential. Thats what happens when you blow out the Colts and Chargers in Weeks 2 and 3. Even if the Jags have lost 6 out of 7 since Doug Pederson’s return to Philly, Duval County has been trouble for the Boys in Purple. Baltimore has not won there since 2001, and no matter who they have it doesn’t go away. The reason, the Jags have been bad when they’ve beaten the Ravens. The issues include losing to Blaine Gabbert of all people on Monday Night Football in 2011, a questionable facemask penalty against Elvis Dumervil in 2015, and the London Fiasco in which we aren’t going to talk about at hands of #Sacksonville. (That game may have been overseas but still) The Ravens want right a wrong any way they can. With Pittsburgh and Cleveland out of the race, and Cincinnati facing the schedule of death to end the year, the time to run away with their once imposing division is right in front of them. Hold on a second. Why hasn’t the game started yet? (Mice sound) There is a thunderstorm in the Jacksonville area. (Mice sound) 30 minute delay. (Mice sound) Oh great we’re in trouble. So now the Ravens have to not only overcome a stadium where they haven’t won at in 21 years, they must overcome the narrative of laying massive eggs after weather delays.
So far that hasn’t been the case. Despite an early fumble by Mark Andrews, the defense shut down the Jags early and often. All the scrubs on their O-Line could do nothing. Should be a done deal right, wrong. The horrible redzone play calling that has haunted the Ravens since Lamar’s injury last year well came back to bite them again. To be it had more to do with Foye Oulokun being a tackling machine. (Thats why they paid him $16M this year) And on top of that DeMarcus Robinson dropped a TD as well but it would have been called back thanks to a holding call. Leading 6-0, Baltimore was in control but there was still time to add on to it. But then Roman got in his own way with a terrible play call on 4th and 1. Fumble, Jacksonville recovers. (Flashbacks to Kyle Boller in 2005) And wouldn’t you guess it, they ended up scoring a TD because Trevor Lawrence needs to show why he was the #1 pick in 2021. Its ok, because Jackson and company finally were able to put together a nice long drive, which was negated by another dropped TD and holding call. Marylander: COME ON STOP WITH ALL THE PENALTIES! Narrator: I agree. As expected whenever they go to Duval, the Boys in Purple are playing down to their competition. (Too be fair, the Jaguars are better than their record and almost beat the Chiefs) Luckily there is still another half of football.
Harbaugh probably threatened to take away their phones at halftime, which led to the defense going out there and punishing the Jags running attack. Even if they were losing the battle of field position, it still wasn’t enough to hold back Planet LJ. With timely throws, and read options, he once again helped his team get inside the 20. But just like the previous 2 trips to the redzone they were doomed by a dropped pass and penalty. (Billickism) But hey they still have JT that always works. The only way the Ravens can win this game is if the defense forces a mistake and they take advantage of it. SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! There we go, a strip sack from Tyus Bowser as Marcus Peters jumps on the ball deep in Jacksonville territory. It sounds like the deathblow of their comeback dreams. Hey, the Ravens finally scored a redzone TD. And they’re up 19-10. All they need to do is get one more stop and the game should be over. See nothing to worry about. But then one play would cost them. BOOM! (Marlon Humphrey leaves game with injured hamstring) Marylander: Not again. NOT AGAIN! Narrator: Why does it have to be Marlo getting injured. First of all Geno Stone you have to catch that ball because you don’t know when that’ll haunt you. And secondly, this is the same thing that happened against Miami? (Edit: It is) Wouldn’t you guess it, the Jaguars convert a 4th and 6. What is it with the Ravens being unable to defend Zay Jones. Did they not watch the film of the Monday Night Game in Vegas last year? He always has big games against Baltimore. And then the D gave up a TD to cut the lead to 2. Then came a controversial decision. Devin Duvernay is normally a deadly returner, but he was tracked down at his own 6 yard line for trying to be too fancy. That would be the kiss of death. Why? Marylander: Seriously, how in the world can this team not protect a lead in the 4th Quarter. Its not even Lamar, Gus Edwards who never fumbles was robbed! SOMEONE STOP THIS! (Once again, Billickism) PAUSE.
Narrator: This team is driving everyone crazy, once again they had a sizable lead in the 4th Quarter only to be victimized because Boy Wonder has issues adapting to the modern offense. It looks like the Duval Curse will continue, but wait a minute! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! That may have been the best throw I’ve ever seen Lamar Jackson make. A 60 yard bomb to D-Jax to get them within scoring position. The High End Talent has come out of hibernation! And hey Josh Oliver didn’t drop a TD this time. And they got the 2 point conversion. All I need right now is for the defense to rise up and stop Trevor Lawrence. And they forced a fumble and nearly came away with it. Its 4th and 21, the Jags have no timeouts, there is absolutely no way that the Ravens can mess this up. “Lawrence looking deep for Jones, He’s got it! On 4th and 21!” You’ve gotta be kidding me, they just gave up a 4th and 21 and put Brandon Stephens on Zay Jones. They learned nothing from last year against the Raiders didn’t they. I don’t think the Jags are going to win but holy cow this is bad, by the way can someone please explain why Harbaugh can’t manage a game clock. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) And they got burned over the top. I would normally blame Marcus Peters but that throw by Lawrence was a perfect pass. Even if he tried pushing Marvin Jones out of bounds I think he would have found a way to keep both feet in. Theres really nothing you can do. But here we go again. For the 3rd time, Doug Pederson is goin for 2 points and the win against the Ravens in 6 years. He was denied both times with the Eagles. Please stop them again! “Looking left, throws left, CAUGHT! ZAY JONES!” Oh my god its going to happen. The Ravens losing in Jacksonville yet again. Did they not realize that this wasn’t a gimme, but hold on a second, we need one more glimmer of hope. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Its going to erase all of their failure in this game and all the talking heads on 105.7 the Fan will put this behind them. The only downside is that JT has to try a 67 yarder to win the game. He hit from 66 in Detroit last year at the gun. But hey if anyone can do it, its Tucker. “Tucker kick on the way, on line, does it have the distance? NO! AND THE JAGUARS WIN!” Are you kidding me! All of that flash and dash to lose like that? I mean what happened to this defense. They were demigods the last month and they decided to go back to the early games of this season. Are you sure it wasn’t the offense that struggled? My god this team is in turmoil. PAUSE.
I can’t be surprised at what happened in this game. After the weather delay I knew that they would find a way to lose this and my god they did. The Ravens do this nearly every year. There is one game a season where they lose to a team that they should dominate and its usually the Jaguars that beat them IN JACKSONVILLE! The 6th straight time they have lost in Duval dating back to 2005. You can’t be upset with these kinds of habits when they date back to years of Billick and Marchibroda. By the way they’ve tied the NFL Record for the most 2 score 4th Quarter leads blown in a season. Guess who they tied. The 2007 Ravens! This kind of play late in games is what cost Brian Billick and nearly Rex Ryan and Ozzie Newsome their jobs. And there wasn’t even Ray Lewis or Ed Reed to bail them out for the mess they started. Today was a lost opportunity. This was their chance to run away with the division, now the other 3 teams are right on their tails. Cincinnati is now tied with them. You better be lucky that you have a soft schedule or else you’d be out of the playoffs easily. This isn’t going to work well if they keep this up. But we have to remember, this team lost to Charlie Batch and an injured Steelers team and needed a 4th and 29 to beat the Chargers. They are one bad loss away from giving Greg Roman the Cam Cameron sentence. And guess who they play next week? The team that got Cameron fired 10 years ago. The Denver Broncos. Luckily they don’t have Peyton Manning, but you can’t take Russell Wilson or that defense lightly. Considering that they’ve looked past both Carolina and Jacksonville it wouldn’t be surprising to see this continue. How can this get worse? (Lamar Jackson angrily tweets back at fan) (Ravens Reporter Jamison Hensley gets called out on Social Media) Marylander: WHAT DO YOU MEAN PLANET LJ MADE PROFANE COMMENTS ON TWITTER TO A TRASH TALKING FAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT IS GOING ON! (Is this the 2017 Orioles again) PAUSE.
Narrator: I mean its ugly for sure, and Marcus Peters got in a rant on Social Media as well and Hensley also tweeted out the details. And on top of that there were players fighting on the sidelines after the go ahead drive by Jacksonville. Good news Ravens Flock, you now have to go through what the Bucks did with Malika Andrews after the ECF in 2019 against the Raptors! (Both of them work for the same network except in different sports, Mickey Mouse organization eh?) And just like what Bucks Media did with MA, Ravens Media is giving their longtime ESPN Reporter another chance, but he like the rest of their productions room will be on thin ice. This is unacceptable from a team that has Super Bowl ambitions. They need Kyle Hamilton, JK Dobbins, Ronnie Stanley, David Ojabo, Marcus Williams, and even Poe back badly. Poe: Whistling (I’ll try my best to do so for the playoffs) Narrator: Although if there is anything thats good coming out of this its that Baltimore always plays well in December, last year was a fluke because of injuries. In the words of the Salty Marylander, you haven’t seen the real Ravens yet. Momentum in the NFL can change on a dime, lets just hope they can fix it quickly. Please don’t lose to the Broncos next week!
Episode 13: vs Broncos (OH NO THERES A MAN DOWN! AGAIN!)
Narrator: Well this is about to get interesting. Planet LJ goes on the offensive, and its not towards the gridiron. One week after a bad loss to Jacksonville, where the Boys in Purple blew several chances to win the game. As the leader of the offense, Planet LJ goes right for the throat. His first target, trolls on Twitter. One person said that he shouldn’t get $250M in the offense, and said that he was trash for not getting into field goal range at the end. Jackson called him out and made comments that aren’t appropriate for this blog. It’s not his fault for their defeat, its the defense that gave up 18 points in 5 minutes. Planet LJ, Social Media Influencer. His next target is a man who has covered the Ravens since their inaugural season. Jamison Hensley. He wrote an article on ESPN detailing the tweet, and even called it anti-gay comments. Ravens fans quickly called him out on his Twitter Account shortly afterwards. Jackson soon apologized to the fan, and Hensley. It’s an honest mistake, but that doesn’t stop the slander from the trolls on the internet. Planet LJ, Social Media Influencer! (Lamar = Giannis in 2019) While some say that Lamar is declining by the week, there are also words that Roman is holding him back. Jackson says that not having Ronnie Stanley is a big reason for his struggles. Yes his O-Line has been banged up, and may be down to potentially a 4th string LT, it won’t stop people from saying he’s toast. ESPN, especially First Take has called this team dead, but don’t tell that to his BFF Kodak Black. PLANET LJ, SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER! Despite all this drama, Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh is ok with it. He called this rant out of character, and told the coaches to not have the players be on social media in the locker room during games. All of those distractions may be getting the best of the team. Considering that those trolls have put all the pressure on this team, it’s better not to be on there. These men need to focus on football, not on what people think of them. Raven brothers, what are you up to this week? Poe: Whistling (Not much, I’m getting closer to making a return to the field) Narrator: Oh good Poe. When do you think you’ll be back? Poe: Whistling (I’m aiming for the playoffs, but I may have to come back earlier because the division title is no sure thing) Narrator: That’s fine. Either way, I can’t wait for you to return. Edgar, Allan, what have you guys cooked up? Allan: Whistling (We’ve been eating smores the last few days) Narrator: Oh getting the Holiday Spirit I see. Edgar: Whistling (Yeah, it’s been relaxing, no skits yet but that might be coming) Narrator: Alright Edgar, keep me updated on that.
The Ravens are looking to rebound from the disaster in Duval against another weak opponent in the Denver Broncos. They may be 3-8, but they boast one of the best defenses in football. The only reason that they aren’t a good team is because of Nathaniel Hackett being a bust, and perhaps the worst O-Line in football. With getting a bad team at home, with Marshal Yanda getting inducted into the Ravens Ring of Honor this should be a nice bounce back. However things would get rough early. The Broncos offense led by Russell Wilson Jr III managed to get into field goal range on the opening drive. But were stalled out thanks to the Raven defense shutting down their run game. (Getting rid of Latavius Murray after 2021 was a wise decision) The only issue was that the Baltimore offense could do nothing. Both the run game and passing game would be limited thanks to a rock solid unit on the other side. The ugly performances of the past few weeks continued. How can this get worse. BOOOOOOOM! (Lamar Jackson leaves the game with a knee injury) Marylander: Oh No, OH NO! NONONONONONONONONONONO! Please tell me this isn’t long term. It didn’t look serious as he went down, but why can’t LJ get a break. He’s dealt with enough drama over the past month, and now he’s injured. Turns out that the Football Gods want the New Frontier in Ohio to emerge don’t they. (Especially with Deshaun Watson back this week) Luckily, Harbaugh said it wasn’t serious, his status for the game in Pittsburgh next week is up in the air. Narrator: In for Jackson, comes Tyler Huntley. I will say for not having any reps this week, Snoop looked good early on. On their next possession after the injury, they finally got something going. The Ravens got down to the Denver 10 yard line. But were victimized by the best red zone defense in football. They must settle for a 3-3 tie. Fortunately for Baltimore, the Broncos are missing all of their starting receivers. So points in this game would be limited thanks to excellent defense by each team. That would be the case. Even if Wilson got the Broncos in scoring range, they can do little with their chances. They did end the half with a field goal to go up 6-3.
Trailing at halftime against one of the worst teams in the NFL, I thought we were down with this. I bet most of the fans went inside to get Hot Chocolate during the Yanda Ring of Honor Ceremony. I wouldn’t blame them after a half like this. That’s now 4 out of 5 games without a 1st Half TD. Billickism at its finest. (Its fitting because he was in the broadcast booth with Gerry Sandusky and Rod Woodson this week) The bad play from the offense would continue, despite one of the best running games in the NFL, they could do nothing against the Broncos D all day long. Marylander: ARE YOU SERIOUS! WHAT KIND OF DISPLAY IS THIS! YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO WIN TO MAINTAIN FIRST PLACE! STOP IT! Narrator: The ugly play somehow wouldn’t stop, Huntley gave Denver an easy field with an interception, but luckily Hackett got in his own way. Brandon McManis would have to kick his 3rd field goal of the game. Marylander: Thank god, we’re playing the Broncos, if we had to play a stronger team, this would be worse! Narrator: You’re absolutely right. But by the time the 4th Quarter began, there was hope. The offense is moving down the field, I repeat the offense is gaining huge yards. Even a field goal won’t be such a bad option. Marylander: WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SEE! THIS IS WHY WE DON’T CALL TRICK PLAYS! PROCHE THROWING INTO TRIPLE COVERAGE! WHAT WAS HE EVEN THINKING! KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!” (Somehow the fans will blame Roman when James Proche clearly made a brain fart of a throw) PAUSE.
Narrator: Despite this potential dagger, the Broncos can’t do anything with their opportunities, as the SOS Squad continue to beat up the Denver O-Line. There aren’t many chances left for the Boys in Purple to pull off the win. Backed up in their own end, the Ravens fell short on a 3rd and 2. Harbaugh with potentially his OC’s job on the line made a gutsy call. He went for it on 4th and 1 at his own 18. It’s the right decision, if they give the ball back to the Broncos I don’t think they win the game. Well let’s see where the wheel lands? “QB sneak with Andrews, buckled up, they filled the gap, and I don’t know if he got it?” He did Kevin Harlan. Mark Andrews just kept his legs moving. It’s at this moment, where Snoop unlocks his talents and abilities. All at once, the Ravens started driving. But another 4th Down loomed. Can they get this one? “Handoff Duvernay, fake, and Huntley, he’ll take it, and dive for the 1st Down.” They converted another 4th Down. Marylander: Yes. Boys, I can see the future ahead of me. We’re doing things! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Narrator: Even if Lamar Jackson is sidelined it won’t stop the High End Talent from flowing throughout of M&T Bank Stadium. And wouldn’t you know it, the Ravens now lead 10-9 with JT adding the extra point. But this is a cautious sign. Russell Wilson has been a master at the 2 minute drill. With 28 seconds left, and 2 timeouts, he may have just enough time. The Broncos quickly storm towards midfield. People will be arguing about Wilson taking off out of the pocket but to be fair no one was open downfield. With 2 seconds left, Denver reaches the Baltimore 46. Now they have to try a 64 yard field goal to win the game. And even worse it’s towards the West Endzone which on a day like this usually is against the wind. The Broncos may not have learned from Cleveland in Week 7 but hey at least they’ll give it a chance. “Ball put down, kick is away, SHORT! BALTIMORE HAS WON!” (SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! PREPARE THE FALSE HOPE!)
Thank god! That was too close to call. Normally I would be in panic mode over a game like this, but as Harbaugh said in the locker room, we don’t care what everyone says, they may think we’re dull, and ugly, but as long as you win games, character will be rewarded. That’s how this game went for them. Even if they’ve struggled these past 3 games, and Cincy has caught fire, the Ravens still have the lead in the AFC North. That’s all that really matters. Excluding that Jacksonville game, the Ravens defense has held their opponents to 1 TD over those 3 games. That’s massive progress from a unit that was overcooked last year. Yes those were weak offenses, but Mike Man is starting to relax out there and let the game come to him. Even if Patrick Queen and Lamar are banged up, the worst thing didn’t happen. I know the fans want Roman fired especially after the way the offense played this week, and he probably will take the head job at Stanford when the season is over but hey at least we’re winning games. Once again, why get rid of him, when neither of their position coaches have play calling experience. I should just stop the negative talk. Right now we need to prepare for the Yinzers next week. And to close this thing out, the Raven brothers and Salty Marylander have one message for Broncos fans. Marylander: Ravens Flock! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (Lets Fly!) Marylander: RAVENS FLOCK! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (LETS FLY!) Marylander: RAVENS FLOCK! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (LETS FLY!) Marylander: WHOS GOT IT BETTER THAN US! Everyone: NOOOOOBODY!
Episode 13: at Steelers (A Series First, plus a Tweet for the Ages)
Narrator (Whispering): “I’m bored. I need to start tweeting about some of the events going on in the Ravens community. Especially since the Holidays are getting closer and closer.” (DJ Scratch) They liked me on Twitter! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn’t even have the intention of tweeting something that would get liked by the Ravens Twitter page, yet their Media Director Cassie Calvert did it because of my thoughts on Mike Man’s wife Stephanie being on her Purple Chair Podcast. (It also helps that I worked for the same church that she sings for this summer) Well I mentioned the fact that she is a girl of many talents, that’ll also help. Anyways let’s send it over to the Salty Marylander who has a little backdrop of the game this week. PAUSE.
Marylander: Since this series began in 2020, people have told me this narrative on repeat. “The Ravens have never beaten the Steelers in Charm City Beasts History!” That may be true, BUT THAT STREAK ENDS THIS WEEK! PREPARE THE FALSE HOPE BABY! Narrator: Alright, alright settle down buddy. I know you want to beat a team that used to drive us crazy, but save the energy for the game. Marylander: Sure thing. Narrator: Sounds good. One week after escaping with an ugly win against the Denver Broncos, the Boys in Purple have an uncertain future ahead of them. The main topic this week would be the health around Planet LJ. Last week he took a hit to the knee and wouldn’t return. Luckily John Harbaugh called this a week to week injury. His status for future games is up in the air, but knowing him, he will do anything in his power to get there. For the 2nd straight year, the fate of the season rests in the hands of Snoop Huntley. This time he is in better hands. Instead of a garbage O-Line, and no defense. The roots of Ravens past are in better condition. It also helps that they don’t have to play 3 Super Bowl Contenders in a row plus a Big Ben doing everything in his power to go out on top. Instead they still have plenty of division games remaining but they aren’t battered like last year. Although don’t tell the evil media that, they want to believe that the Raven Empire is dead. Those same talking heads have been waiting for that scene for at least a decade. (They still can’t stand what Art Modell did, GET OVER IT!) Considering that the arch rival Bengals just beat Kansas City for the 3rd time in a calendar year, any football insider on ESPN has handed Cincy the AFC Title by default. Don’t tell them that Baltimore is still in 1st place, they think the Ravens are a sub 500 team with the way they hail Joe Burrow. They also need to realize that Mike Man knows their entire offensive scheme due to his time at Michigan. Jackson’s long term status isn’t the only injury report up in the air. The same goes for JK Dobbins and Ronnie Stanley. Both are expected to return sometime in the next 2 weeks, and their impact is massive if Baltimore wants to go anywhere in the playoffs. Gus Edwards certainly has struggled coming off a bad hamstring, but they can use the excuse of not having Stanley and facing the 2nd coming of the 1977 Falcons. On defense, the injury concern is around Patrick Queen, who was carted off the field last Sunday thanks to a serious thigh bruise. Luckily he returned to practice in no time and should be a go this week. In injury news both good and bad the Ravens got back three major pieces from IR. JK Dobbins, Ronnie Stanley, and Marcus Williams. All of them are major assets to their gameplan on both sides. The only problem was that former Raven Derek Wolfe blamed conditioning coach Steve Saunders as to why he had career ending neck surgery. Don’t worry Wolfgang, the rest of the talking heads on 98 Rock or 105.7 the Fan are with you. All reports aside, the Ravens next opponent can be described in a Holiday skit by the Salty Marylander and Raven Brothers. Take it away boys!
Marylander: You’re a mean one, Raven Brothers: Whistling (Doo Doo Doo Doo) Marylander: Mr Grinch. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Doo Doo Doo Doo) Marylander: You’re an Angry Yinzer Scrooge. Raven Brothers: Whistling (YOU SUCK!) Marylander: You’re a spoiled little brat, and you’re annoying as a rat, Mr Gri-inch! You gloat about your 6 Super Bowl Championships, and countless Hall of Famers with your Heinz Ketchup. Raven Brothers: Whistling (BUT WE DON’T CARE AT ALL!) Marylander: You’re a monster, Raven Brothers: Whistling (Doo Doo Doo Doo) Marylander: Mr Grinch. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Doo Doo Doo Doo) Marylander: You’re a Primanti Sandwich Thief. Raven Brothers: Whistling (WHO CARES!) Marylander: You’re as violent as could be, as far as the I can see Mr Gri-inch. You love calling us frauds that choke away big games to weaker teams for your comedic enjoyment. Raven Brothers: Whistling (BUT WE DON’T CARE AT ALL!) Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Narrator: Bravo, bravo. Oh mama I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law. We all know what atmosphere the Ravens are walking into. That’s right, it’s Steelers week. The Best Rivalry of the 21st Century according to many football pundits. In fact this will be the first time that Baltimore visits the newly named Acrisure Stadium. But in the eyes of any old school football fan, it will always be Heinz Field. (Staples Center of the NFL) And also the first time in 19 years that Ben Roethlisberger is not on the Steelers roster, but he still goes to games. Even more bizarre to anyone outside of Charm City is that Rod Woodson is in attendance, but he’s with Gerry Sandusky inside the Ravens Broadcast Booth. The man that basically created this rivalry in 1998 when he signed in Baltimore must have emotions running all over him. To the delight of Woodson, this game would be another bloodbath in a long line of them between these two teams. Even if Harbaugh and Tomlin don’t have the hatred like Cowher and Billick did, both men would try to seek an early advantage. In this case it would be the Boys in Purple. Over the past few meetings, the Ravens have usually been the ones that have been destroyed in the trenches. Today that was the opposite. Oh and one more thing. BOOOOOM! Kenny Pickett, Welcome to the Ravens Steelers Rivalry! There is no such thing as soft hits in this game. And you will not be forgiven. And he was concussed and didn’t return. So now both teams would be down their QB1 since Planet LJ is already ruled out. (The Ravens KO’ed Mason Rudolph in 2019, who cares they can head hunt some more QBs for the Black and Gold Brigade) Following that scary hit from Roquan Smith, Baltimore would march into field goal range and even if they only got 3 points the O-Line despite being without top guard Kevin Zeitler would push around the Steelers pass rush. (Congrats to JT for becoming the Ravens All Time Leading Scorer) On Pittsburgh’s next possession, the theme of the day was set. Najee Harris would have little room to run against the Ravens front seven. Don’t feel bad Najee, Baltimore hasn’t allowed a 100 yard rusher since Dalvin Cook last year. (The Ravens won that game in OT after being down 24-10) Then on the punt, Pressly Harvin’s kick took a massive backspin to the Steelers 48. That was key because JK Dobbins ripped off a 43 yard run which was followed by a 5 yard TD. Trailing 10-0, the Yinzer faithful were not in a good mood. But then the Steelers as expected got back in the game. In comes Mitch Trubisky, a man who had been the whipping boy of Pittsburgh since September, now gets the chance to redeem himself. At least he has George Pickens making an awesome catch over Marlon Humphrey to set up a TD by Najee. (“The Ravens should’ve drafted Pickens.” -Internet Trolls. They didn’t because Ojabo was a can’t miss prospect who will be a stud come next year) Once again, this was expected. The Ravens tried to counter, but Tyler Huntley fumbled the snap exchange on a 4th and 1 at the Steelers 35. (Lamar doesn’t fumble that, harsh truth)
The fears of Harbaugh allowing another backup to carve up his defense were coming true. That was until Mitch’s ex-teammate in Chicago Roquan Smith picked him clean at the B-More 10. This time the Ravens would get points out of this. Even if they stalled in the red zone thanks to TJ Watt running over Morgan Moses, the Boys in Purple did just enough to extend their lead. But Trubisky was on the move again. Some Ravens fans believed that it was the Leader of Men inside Trubisky’s uniform. That would be if he didn’t get picked off inside the opposing red zone again. Boy has Patrick Queen been a stud since Roquan came on board. He went from bust to probable Pro Bowler in a span of 9 weeks. Leading 13-7 at halftime the Ravens were in good hands. The defense began the 2nd Half continuing their assault on all things Yinzer. Even if the Steelers moved the ball towards midfield almost every time, Mike Man and his crew would always find a way to stop them. Snoop, I don’t ask for much but right now, guide this team to a needed win. BOOOOM! OH MY GOD! You’ve gotta be kidding me. This is why the Ravens Steelers Rivalry is a total bloodbath. If things couldn’t get any harder for the Ravens, Tyler Huntley just got knocked out of the game via concussion. Also how is that not a 15 yard penalty on Minkah Fitzpatrick? Yes it wasn’t helmet to helmet but that’s a total cheap shot. Now their QB is, hold on I need a second. Anthony Brown, an undrafted rookie out of Oregon who set the Ravens Preseason Record for most passing yards in a single game against the Commanders this August. Luckily he won’t have to do much since the running game has returned to elite form. However, like most games against the Steelers, they needed to overcome the most controversial figure in this rivalry. REFBALL, and not just REFBALL, YINZER REFBALL! Who cares the Baltimore defense is putting Mitch on SOS. Boy does it feel good to have Marcus Williams healthy. In 5 full games as a Raven he has 4 interceptions. Give this man a Pro Bowl spot even if he missed 9 games. The only problem was that the interception pinned the Ravens at their own 1 yard line. They would get out of their own end but wouldn’t do much.
Come the 4th Quarter the defensive slugfest we thought would happen, was on display. That would be if the Ravens D didn’t start missing tackles. I swear that always happens when they play the Steelers. Even if Pittsburgh has a chance to take their first lead of the game, the Baltimore pass rush would end that. It’s ok though, they can at least kick a field goal. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! I said it last year, and I’ll say it again. If you don’t double team Calais Campbell on a field goal block attempt, you will pay the price. The Steelers had to pay it big time. The High End Talent of Boy Wonder Baby! But even with the blocked field goal, all optimism inside the YinzerMob wasn’t dead. Why? PA System: “Oh mama I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law. LawMan has put an end to my running and I’m so far from my home. Oh mama I can hear you crying, you’re so scared and all alone. HangMan is coming down from the gallows and I don’t have very long. YEAH!” Narrator: That’s right, a Steeler tradition since the very song came out in 1978 has come out of hiding. RENEGADE! Now the Ravens have no choice but to try and put the game on ice. Despite the Steelers doing a very good job on containing Mark Andrews, they couldn’t guard him on two key 3rd Down plays. They made it all the way down to the 13 before being forced to settle for 3. JT missed a 35 yarder last year in the 4th Quarter towards the same endzone, he’s not missing a 31 yard this time. “Nails it.” Good. I don’t want to revisit last year. Although this game is not over. Mitch is trying to do his best Big Ben impersonation against the Ravens in the clutch. The only downside is that he only has 3 minutes, and they need 2 scores. BEEP! Marylander: That’s not roughing the passer, HOW IS THAT ROUGHING THE PASSER! Madubuike just tackled him as he was getting rid of the ball, that shouldn’t have been a flag but once again the NFL is doing everything they can for the Steelers to win the game. Narrator: And on top of that Diontae Johnson finally made a tough catch. Oh god, this can’t happen again. “And caught for the touchdown, Freiermuth!” (WE ARE) Well, we got a game again. The Steelers still have 2 timeouts and the 2 minute warning. But Baltimore is one 1st Down away from stopping the bleeding. After a pair of short gains, the game comes down to a 3rd and 3. And wouldn’t you guess it, they played Renegade again. Well if you don’t succeed, try again. That’s what the Yinzers believed. How will they fare this time? “Fake to Duvernay, here’s Edwards. BIG BLOCK IN THERE BY POWERS! They got the 1st Down!” The Ravens maintain 1st place in the AFC North. The drought in Pittsburgh is over. Do you know what this means? (Camden Yards Siren) Marylander: THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YEAAAAAAAAAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! THESE AIN’T THE SAME RAVENS! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! SOS YINZERS! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! PAUSE.
(SOS Alert) Narrator: Another gutty win by a team that has thrived in the month of December for years. Any time you are down to your 3rd string QB, and are on the road against your most hated rival, you’re done. NOT THE RAVENS! They pulled off this win with clutch defense, a punishing ground game, and high character. Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh said after the Week 11 win over the Panthers that character will eventually be rewarded. This was another character win that boosts confidence. The Ravens needed this. Especially since the Bengals have won 5 straight and 7 of 8 since the Blackout. Even if Joe Burrow and his cool kids are on another hot streak, Baltimore has won 7 of 9 to counter that. These 2 teams are on a collision course to not only play for the AFC North Title and possibly the #1 seed in the AFC in Week 18, but also in the playoffs. All the talk this offseason was how the AFC North would be dominated by the New Frontier. They got one of those Ohio teams right, they just didn’t get Cleveland. Speaking of the Browns they now have to watch big brother not only maintain their supremacy with 2 former GMs, they now get the chance to knock out the Dawg Pound next Saturday Evening. Deshaun Watson, watch out. If you got mauled by the Ravens 3 times as a Texan with far better talent at WR, it could get ugly and fast. But that’s all for the next episode. For now we can safely say that the Ravens ended their 4 game losing streak against the Steelers. The QB situation is still up for grabs next week, especially since Lamar won’t return until Week 16. Anyways, Raven Brothers, what do you have? Raven Brothers: Whistling (HERE WE GO! RAVENS! HERE WE GO! RAVENS JUST KNOCKED OUT THE YINZER MOB! HERE WE GO! TRUZZZZZZZZZZ!)
Episode 15: at Browns (What happened to JT?)
I’m not in the mood for putting this into Charm City Beasts. It would be full of rage and anger and some clips would be edited out because the Salty Marylander would be saying things that aren’t appropriate for this document. This was pure agony. The Ravens dominated the Browns in nearly every phase of the game which is weird to say recently because normally it’s Cleveland that does that yet somehow crumbles in the end. Well Baltimore undid them today. I said it in 2020 and it pains me to say it again. Justin Tucker in big games is a massive liability. Despite everything he has done in his Hall of Fame career, JT has come up soft in big spots ever since longtime Special Teams Coach Jerry Rosberg left. In this game he missed 2 field goals which came back to haunt them in the end. Those 4 straight playoff games with missed field goals wasn’t a fluke after all. (That and turning the ball over 4 times in Browns territory) The worst part about this game is that the Browns somehow think they can make the playoffs with this. The only way that happens is if the Boys in Purple somehow mess this up and Harbaugh gets the Billick treatment. He and Greg Roman got beat at their own game whether they deserve blame or not. Many are calling them the worst 9-5 team ever, but didn’t these same people say this 10 years ago only to get burned. I know it’s not the same team but if there is one thing that this league has taught us is that any team can win. Don’t worry Johnny, all you have to do is beat the Falcons at home next week and you’re in the playoffs. You won’t mess this up, right? (I’m going to that game. If you lose that game considering how cold it’s going to be and you are facing your old DC, I WILL NEVER LET YOU HEAR THE END OF IT!)
Episode 15: vs Falcons (The Coldest Christmas Eve in Baltimore History)
“The 24th Day of December, in the 2022nd year of the creation of the Lord. The 16th Week of the 103rd year of the NFL. The 15th game of the 27th season of the Ravens, and the 7th game of the season at M&T Bank Stadium. The 45th year from the Ghost to the Post, and the 166th game from the Super Bowl in New Orleans. The 459th game in franchise history. The 205th game played at the Bank, and the coldest game in the history of Baltimore Sports. The 258th game, in the era of Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. The 293rd year from the foundation of the Charm City. The 323rd game of the Bisciotti regime, and the 67th game during the reign of the Emperor DeCosta. The 7th meeting all-time between the Ravens and Falcons, and the 3rd inside the Bank. On this day, with a 7 degree windchill, and 20 MPH winds, optimism that was gone last week in Cleveland after scoring just 3 points, against the worst run defense in the league has returned. The BaltImore Ravens despite their flaws and frustration they’ve received all over the country, with the future of the organization in doubt, and facing no tomorrow, HAVE A CHANCE TO CLINCH A SPOT IN THE PLAYOFFS, AND RESTORE FESTIVUS SEASON, WITH EXCITEMENT MADE FLESH! The 14th Maryland Playoff Festivus, ACCORDING TO THE FLESH! (BIG TRUZZ!)”
Narrator: Doesn’t that opening feel appropriate for this particular weekend? Well the Ravens know what is at stake. Coming off a disaster in the Dawg Pound, they still control their own destiny. All they need to do is win on Christmas Eve and they’re in the playoffs. The problem is that there is drama coming out of the locker between Greg Roman and Tyus Bowser. Bowser posted a tweet of a Ravens fan writing a piece of paper that said “Fire Roman.” Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh found this out and told the linebacker to apologize to the Roman Empire. Both sides were able to work this out, and Tyus did say that this was a mistake. Sometimes social media can get in players’ heads. The next question this week would be around the health of Planet LJ. Lamar is still not at practice although hasn’t ruled him out of a Week 17 return against the rival Steelers. Jackson said on Twitter that he is doing everything he can to get back on the field despite the bad knee. Even if trolls on the internet think he’s holding out, he still has that fire in his eyes to try and fight another day. As for now, the starting role will still be in the hands of Tyler Huntley. Even if he struggled against Cleveland, Snoop stated this week that he would take more chances down the field. I know some fans want them to only run the ball, but in the NFL, you have to keep teams guessing. The biggest news of the week was that Devin Duvernay broke his foot in practice and is now out for the season. Without both of their top receivers, things look bleak. Marylander: I got it, LOOK EVERYONE! SAMMY WATKINS! HE’S BACK! Narrator: Um, not sure what to think, but it could work out. They need as much reinforcements as possible even if they backfire. Hold on a second. Your attention please, are there any Raven Brothers in need of refreshments. Edgar: Whistling (Hot Chocolate) Allan: Whistling (Snow Cone) Poe: Whistling (Smores) On it. (Hot Chocolate from the Polar Express playing) Marylander: Snow Cone for you Allan, Hot Chocolate for you Edgar, and some Smores for you Poe. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Thanks Salty Marylander) Narrator: You boys are so funny. Enjoying some holiday food with a mix of ugly Christmas sweaters. Edgar, I see you went with Hanukkah for your sweater theme. Edgar: Whistling (I feel so cozy in it) Narrator: Allan you got a Christmas Tree in yours. Allan: Whistling (Ho, Ho, Ho) Narrator: And look at Poe, he is still wearing his Ravens holiday sweater like he always does. Poe: Whistling (I wanted a new one, but I must rep my team) Narrator: There you go, Poe. I mean you guys are in the holiday spirit in a big way. It can only get better if they can get in the playoffs.
Speaking of which, the Boys in Purple got help in the playoff picture. The Jaguars on Thursday Night blew out the Jets and broke Zach Wilson and all of North Jersey. And even if they extended their winning streak the Bengals knocked off the Patriots in bizarre fashion. So it makes things that much easier for Baltimore on this Christmas Eve. As for their opponent it just happens to be a team that is facing a rebuild yet still has false hope because they’re in the NFC South. The Atlanta Falcons. A team that was supposed to be one of the biggest tanks in the NFL this year, has actually put together a feel good season. Even if they are 5-9, the Falcons have one of the best running games in the league and Desmond Ridder, who many say is their QB of the future, is now starting in place of the injured Marcus Mariota. The only thing for the Ravens that’s tricky about this matchup is they are facing their old DC in Dean Pees. The man that broke the hearts of this fanbase both with the Ravens and against them. Now he’s the last man standing between them and a playoff berth. Luckily for the Ravens they would get a huge advantage from the Football Gods. Normally dome or warm weather teams struggle in sub freezing conditions. And with a Siberian Freeze hitting the East Coast, things just got harder for the squad coming from the ATL. The game time temperature was 17 degrees with the windchill at 2. Thus making it the coldest game in M&T Bank Stadium History. That didn’t stop the Salty Marylander from not wearing a winter coat for this game. (He had 10-12 layers underneath his Lamar T-Shirt) Anyways let’s get to the action. Both teams’ defenses would come out firing on their first possessions. Both Dean Pees and Mike Macdonald were in a chess match for bragging rights and to see who is the smarter coordinator. So far the upper hand has gone to Mike Man as Pees zone scheme was exposed on a 40 yard pass from Huntley to Watkins. Even if they went no further and got a field goal the Ravens were clearly in control of the game. Desmond Ridder, despite his dual threat abilities that he showcased at Cincinnati last year was running for his life thanks to being chased down by Roquan and PQ. The foundation of the Atlanta offense was being neutralized early on. Baltimore was given a chance to open the game up, but that would be put on hold as Justin Tucker’s 55 yarder was blocked. I won’t go hard on that one, trying a 55 yarder towards the West Endzone is already a death sentence especially on a day like this. (Well they were in no man’s land, and if anyone can overcome the conditions it’s JT)
The weather which was playing a big role in this game got even tougher. Not only was kicking hard in the cold, but throwing the ball was just as tough. Look at a 4th and 5 attempt by the Falcons on their next drive. On a warm day they would have completed a 40 yard bomb to Damiere Byrd. Instead the wind took the ball and it was nowhere near him. The Ravens would obviously take advantage of the short field by driving it deep into enemy territory. But their vaunted running game would be stuffed at the 10 yard line thanks to a nice defensive stand. Now it’s 6-0. But once again Arthur Smith went to the stakes table. He went for it near mid-field again. And this time they converted with a pass to Drake London… Marylander: BUT IT’S A FUMBLE! (Long live the return of Fruit Punch) Narrator: That play is the Falcons season in a nutshell. A clear path to something greater than they dreamed, only for it to be taken away. And not only that, but JK Dobbins was about to be unleashed. He was finally able to find holes in the Atlanta defense. And then something great happened. The Ravens for the first time since Week 3 had a TD catch from a Wide Receiver as DeMarcus Robinson climbed the imaginary ladder to make the catch in the back in the back of the East Endzone. And they’ll get the 2 point conversion thank you very much. 14-0 lead late in the half, I like what I see. Even as the Falcons storm back for a field goal before halftime. Optimism is high in Baltimore. The 2nd Half would be a test for the Ravens defense. Atlanta was able to make adjustments in the running game. Tyler Allgeier who was shut down in the 1st Half was finally able to flash his potential as their go to back. It took them 14 plays to get to the Baltimore 13 yard line. Then Cordarrelle Patterson made a spectacular play to score a touchdown. BEEP! “Holding, Offense #17, 10 yard penalty, replay 2nd Down.” Too bad that was a great play and potential momentum turner. (Normally it’s the Ravens that get hit with those calls, not on this day) At least they have a beast at kicker in Younghoe Koo. He may not be Tucker but he’s a solid player nonetheless. Now its an 8 point game at 14-6. Luckily for the fans that are surviving the Siberian Freeze outside, the Ravens offense made another push towards opening up the game. Both Gus Edwards and JK Dobbins were finding space in the Atlanta defense. The only downside is that the Falcons manned up when they needed to inside the 10, and forced Tucker to kick another field goal. And just like they did on their first drive of the 2nd Half, Atlanta would attack the Ravens Run D. Allgeier was getting small but important gains to keep those chains moving. The 2nd time in this half, the Falcons would mount a 10 plus play drive. But once again, Mike Man and his defense despite missing Marcus Peters and Calais Campbell would buckle them down again. On three straight plays, Ridder and company could only manage 2 yards. Now comes the ultimate do or die play for the visitors. A chance to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. “Ridder hands it off to Allgeier, there is a flag, they finally bring Allgeier to the ground.” Ok what’s the penalty? “Illegal motion, Offense #46.” (SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT!) The defensive stand of the season! That right there may have just punched the Ravens ticket into the playoffs! Even if they couldn’t run out the clock, Baltimore made sure that Atlanta would have to score a TD and 2 point conversion to force OT by holding them to a field goal on their next drive. Marylander: Listen to me, Roman. All you need is a single 1st Down and you’re in the playoffs. POUND THAT ROCK! “It would not necessarily be a bad thing for the Ravens if the Patriots come back and win the game as far as the division is concerned and here’s a 1st Down from Gus Edwards.” There you go boys. That’s how it’s done, and with this victory the Maryland Festivus has returned after a year hiatus.
Ravens QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): I would feel more optimistic about their chances, but there’s plenty of uncertainty due to injuries at WR, the inconsistency on offense and the status of Lamar, Calais, and Marcus Peters being unknown. But hey if there’s anything this team knows how to do its thrive in the playoffs as underdogs especially with the defense they have. Overall they should be fine. PAUSE.
Just as the Salty Marylander predicted. He said back in June that the Ravens would clinch a playoff spot on Christmas Eve and he could celebrate it deep into the night. And guess what? They did. So obviously, the fine for the P word is off once again. So with 2 games left to go, the Boys in Purple still have a lot of questions that need to be answered. With each of their last games being in the division we have a chance to see how good this squad really is. Even if they may not be in 1st place all they have to do is beat Pittsburgh in Week 17 and force a winner take all showdown in Week 18 in Cincinnati on Sunday Night Football for the AFC North Title. I don’t think its time to hide from the fact that a Super Bowl berth is still in the picture. We as Raven fans need to be bold and brash, we probably will be on the road for most of if not all of the playoffs, but now we need to recognize that we are a playoff team with a couple of games to go. But Baltimore needs to act like a playoff team and realize that just getting there is great, but that’s not our ultimate goal. Your job is to make a run at the big game, and that’s the price you must pay when you play or cheer for the Ravens. With Lamar Jackson’s status being up in the air there are rumors that say he could return for the showdown against the Steelers next week, if he does return its a huge boost because they won’t be super one dimensional than they already are. All Jackson has to do is let the game come to him when he returns. How can things get more chaotic? BOOM! (Ravens vs Steelers Week 17 game flexed to Sunday Night Game) Marylander: OOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEES! Primetime Football at the Bank in the Ultimate Rivalry. GET ME TICKETS NOW! Narrator: Alright, just don’t beat that drum all week, if you’re going you better dress warm. Marylander: Are you crazy, its going to be 60 degrees this weekend. I’m going no sleeves for this one like I did for the Blackout and Panthers games. Narrator: Alright, but at least bring a sweatshirt just in case. Marylander: I gotcha buddy. Narrator: Anyways, the Raven Brothers have something they’d like to say. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Deck the Jagoffs, out of the playoffs, Fa La La La La La! La La La La!) (Jagoff Definition: A stupid, irritating, or contemptible person, aka most of Yinzer Mob. But YouTuber UrinatingTree in particular likes it) Narrator: Ok boys, just don’t say that word again, you hear me. Poe: Whistling (Yes buddy) Anyways enjoy the rest of your holiday season, as Charm City Beasts will return next week in front of the Greatest Show in the NFL. Sunday Night Football at M&T BANK STADIUM! Happy Festivus Everyone! R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Episode 16: vs Steelers (Alexa, play Deja Vu by Olivia Rodrigo)
“Tonight these Ravens know well what is waiting for them. Pure Black noise. Energy that can be seen, heard, and felt. Meanwhile the Steelers with Mike Tomlin’s streak of 15 straight winning seasons, can be maintained for now if they can defeat this hostile crowd and their beloved heroes. The Monochromatic Mayhem, the Deafening Unity of the Blackout at M&T Bank Stadium awaits us all!”
Narrator: I had to quote Chris Fowler’s preview of the 2019 Penn State Whiteout on that opening part didn’t I? With the playoffs already clinched the Boys in Purple still had two games left on their schedule. A perfect chance for them to prepare themselves for the postseason. John Harbaugh has stated that these last games will feel like playoff games due to the significance of each one. That’s right, two division games, including one in Cincinnati in Week 18 could determine the fate of the Ravens hopes for an AFC North Title. But to do so they need Planet LJ back from his knee injury. But once again, he nor Marcus Peters, and Calais Campbell weren’t at practice this week. All three would be inactive yet again. The biggest news of the week was that the Ravens and Maryland Stadium Authority extended the lease on M&T Bank Stadium for another 15 years. All I can say is why need a new stadium when this is one of the better ones that was built in the 90s. Steve Bisciotti and Sashi Brown agreed. But the question now is when will they need to begin renovations again? Probably another 10 years I’m guessing. The gameday presentation doesn’t really need changes unless they bring back Lee Greenwood, and U2. Another headline was Ravens legend Ed Reed becoming the head coach at Bethune-Cookman University, a historically black college in Daytona Beach, Florida. Reed becomes the 2nd former Raven to be a head coach at a black college. Joining one time teammate and Hall of Famer Deion Sanders.
Raven brothers, what do we have this week? Allan: Whistling (Poe is walking again without a boot) Narrator: Really, Poe recovered that quickly. I thought this was a torn drumstick. Poe: Whistling (That’s right, I’m back baby!) Narrator: Awesome! All I can say is how were you able to return this quickly. Poe: Whistling (My boy Rod Woodson during his career, suffered a similar injury yet made it back for the playoffs) Narrator: Oh, I see, he probably was giving you advice during your rehab. Poe: Whistling (Yes, thank goodness he is on our broadcast team) Narrator: That’s great! Edgar: Whistling (The fans don’t know this but we have a plan for them) Narrator: What is it, Edgar? Edgar: Whistling (Me and Allan will put Poe in a wheelchair, and as soon as we come out of the tunnel, Poe will come out of his chair and hype the crowd up.) Narrator: Oh you guys are trying to recreate Kevin Nash from WWE. Will you do this during the intro? Allan: Whistling (No, but we will certainly do it before the game is over) Narrator: Alright, sounds good. Salty Marylander. Marylander: YES! Narrator: Poe is off the IR! Marylander: HELL YES! Narrator: You’re going to be there right? Marylander: Absolutely, how could I not be. Narrator: Well this is going to be a fun weekend isn’t it?
Back to football this is a huge week. Not only is Poe coming back from injury, and the division may be at stake, the Boys in Purple get to face their longtime rivals. The Pittsburgh Steelers. Since the last time we saw these two teams play back in Week 14, the Steelers have been much better on both sides of the ball. Kenny Pickett who was injured in the first game is now healthy again. That and a now punishing Pittsburgh defense has kept their playoff hopes alive. They started the year 3-7, and have won four of five to set up a do-or-die showdown in Baltimore. You know what will make this even better? The NFL flexed this game to Sunday Night Football. The league’s ultimate rivalry needs to be showcased and the narratives in this matchup are huge. The Steelers have never had a losing season under Mike Tomlin, the football gods are in the Yinzers favor because they have rallied despite the sudden death of franchise icon Franco Harris. (WE ARE!) The Ravens are 19-3 at home in primetime under Harbaugh including 7-0 in the Blackout, which they brought out for this matchup. We must take into account that the Steelers are the only team to ever beat the Ravens Blackout unis and are the only squad that beat a full M&T Bank Stadium crowd in primetime in the regular season. So if there’s any team that is not afraid of the Raven myths it’s their arch rivals from YinzerLand. The atmosphere for this game was raucous just like most Blackout games over the years. Over 71,300 fans came for this game, the 3rd highest total for a regular season game in Ravens History. Which is good on the surface. But if you look around especially towards the north side of the stadium one thing becomes very apparent. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) M&T would be consumed by Steelers fans. Some say over 20,000 people rooted for the Black and Gold Brigade. (There were several sections in the lower level and upper deck on that side that were full of Terrible Towels) Easily shattering their own record for the most visiting fans at a Blackout set back in 2017. So not only do the Ravens have to treat this as a defacto playoff game, they may have to treat this as a road game too, especially on offense. The toughest part about this game was that Baltimore was getting their opponents best shot.
Mike Tomlin was going to do everything in his power to win. And not only that but Steelers OC Matt Canada would make a bold move. He was going to test the Ravens run defense early on often. Both Najee Harris, and Jaylen Warren were running like Franco and Rocky from their 70s heyday, thus meaning it would be hard to stop them. On the opening drive, Warren took an end around and went 31 yards to the Raven 13. But the drive stalled thanks to Marlon Humphrey making a nice breakup on George Pickens in the endzone. Leading 3-0, Pittsburgh made an early statement, but the question now was could Baltimore respond? They did. Snoop Huntley was witnessing the beginning of maybe the best half of his career. They, like the Steelers, were converting key 3rd Down plays. That was the case until a Brian Flores led defense shut down the running game deep in enemy territory. Now it’s 3-3. Edgar: Whistling (We’re ready to showcase our plan for Poe) Narrator: Go ahead. “You know it’s a rivalry game, the mascot Poe, injured in the preseason, brought out by Edgar, and Allan the other mascots. Poe breaks out of his wheelchair to come back for this big game. He got injured, he seriously was injured, comes back for this game, how bout that.” (Even Steeler fans were in awe of his return) My boy! Poe: Whistling (It feels great, now we need to get that win) Narrator: Alright. Now the energy on both sides is crazy. But the Steelers running game was firing on all cylinders. Both Harris and Warren were finding holes through the vaunted SOS unit. The key of this game for Pittsburgh like when they had Big Ben was key 3rd Downs. And for the most part they converted them. But an incompletion by Pickett attended for Pat Freiermuth stalled the drive. And worse, the normally reliable Chris Bowsell’s streak of 11 straight field goals at M&T ended when he hit the right upright towards the East End Zone. The Ravens got a major break, and they would take full advantage of it. They once again got into the red zone only to stall out thanks to the running game being contained by the Steelers front. But wait. BEEP! “After the play, Personal Foul, Unnecessary Roughness, Defense #97.” I’m surprised that this wasn’t against the Ravens, if this were in Pittsburgh they probably would have called it the other way. The Yinzers in attendance were furious. Even though the Marylanders were loud as well, the Steeler fans were cussing out the officials in a big way. Don’t worry Yinzers, the officials will give you a few makeup calls in the 2nd Half. For now, the Ravens took advantage of the extra play, as Huntley found Isaiah Likely for a TD. Leading 10-3 at halftime, and getting the ball, this would be a great chance for Baltimore to put some distance between themselves and their rivals.
BOOM! That all changed when Mike Tomlin slammed his Microsoft tablet to the ground inside the Steelers locker room. I wouldn’t blame him for doing that. This may be the difference between making the playoffs, and ending the season under 500. As the 2nd Half began, a theme began to change. Remember all the calls that went the Ravens way in the 1st Half, they’ll go the Steelers way in the 2nd. Case in point a holding call by Morgan Moses which whipped out a 25 yard gain by JK Dobbins. Luckily they got the penalty yards back, and kicked a field goal. You know what’s insane. The Ravens are getting dominated on the stat sheet in terms of total yards, and time of possession yet still lead by 10 points. But it doesn’t really feel like it. Considering that this season there have been more comebacks in the NFL than any other season by a wide margin, no lead especially in this rivalry is safe. Especially since Najee Harris is running wild. That trend would continue as the Steelers O-Line was opening up some nice holes for him. The objective for Matt Canada in the 2nd Half was simple. Expose Marcus Peters and Calais Campbell’s replacements. They did just that. Diontae Johnson was cooking Brandon Stephens just like he did last year. But once again, they made it all the way to the 15 only to settle for 3 points. This is the Ravens chance to knock out their rivals. Minkah Fitzpatrick is out of the game for now, but knowing him he’s going to pull a Polamalu and fake an injury. So with their secondary anchor out, that means. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh god, Huntley got destroyed by TJ Watt, thus leading to a 3 and out. (Why did Patrick Ricard go in motion on that play instead of double him) Marylander: You know what, it may be early but let’s bring out Enter Sandman! Narrator: Sounds like a plan.
Even though it was tough to see especially during that light show, the Steelers sideline especially their defense was mimicking what the Ravens did in Pittsburgh back in Week 14 during Renegade. (And you saw plenty of Terrible Towels in the stands during the light show) But the Steelers are used to having a hype song pump them up because they have the same thing at their games too. So Pickett began scrambling around like the Leader of Men in his prime. They once again got into the Ravens red zone but like the other few times, they settled for a field goal. The Ravens streak of not allowing a TD at home has stretched to 15 quarters. And it looked as if the Steelers best chance at winning was gone. Because Justice Hill took the ensuing kickoff 56 yards to the Pittsburgh 40 and if it weren’t Chris Bowsell he would have taken it the distance. The Ravens have a chance to extend their lead. They even got into the Steelers red zone again, BEEP! “Holding, Offense #72.” Marylander: Oh GOD! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN AGAINST THE STEELERS! A big play and victory in our hands only for the officials to take it away. Narrator: I know, but the NFL probably has money on the Steelers winning because of the narratives it will bring to Week 18. And on top of that Watt sacked Huntley again. Following a dropped pass by Likely. Another 3 and out. With 4 minutes to play, Baltimore had pinned the Steelers at their own 8 yard line. 92 yards away from a go ahead score. But once again, Mike Man’s defense could keep Kenny Pickett in the pocket. This is gonna end badly. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Normally I would be playing that song for the Ravens, but in this case, their opponents also have a tendency of being bailed out by High End Talent. So this is the fourth time that the Steelers have crossed the Baltimore 20. Pittsburgh has over 400 yards of total offense and they only have 9 points. That is a complete understatement on how they’ve found ways to move down the field. Now they are possibly down to their final two plays, can Tomlin keep his streak alive, or will it vanquish into the almighty Blackout? “Pickett, flushed, pressured, throws on the run. CAUGHT BY HARRIS! FOR A TOUCHDOWN!” I’m going to ask one question. Are we sure Ben Roethlisberger ever retired? Because that looked like Big Ben in his prime. For the 2nd week in a row, the Steelers have a chance to pull off an Immaculate Comeback. And it will be even harder for the Ravens since they have no timeouts, but they do have a minute left. (They wasted their 1st timeout thanks to Steeler fans making plenty of noise early in the 4th) Now they must treat this as if they are on the road, since the 20,000 Steeler fans in attendance were starting to take over M&T. (I felt like Renegade would come on the PA system at that point) Oh mama I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law. HangMan is coming down from the gallows and I don’t have very long because Yinzers. Luckily with 20 seconds left, Huntley is one completion away from potentially sending this game into overtime, now don’t do anything stupid. “From the 38, a lot of pressure comes inside, Huntley comes outside, throws across his body, and it’s (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Intercepted! By Fitzpatrick! And the Steelers stay alive!” Marylander: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (Those two plays were the loudest roars I have ever heard from an opposing crowd. This is why you can’t lose a team for 13 years. Because those old Colt fans became Yinzers) PAUSE.
Narrator: If this game is not the definition of me having to relive my childhood I don’t know what is. Lets see, the Ravens pinned the Steelers at their own 8, with 4 minutes to play, in a game with playoff implications, and then blew it because they couldn’t stop a 3rd Down. When have I seen that before? “Scampers left, stops, looks, comes back to his right, throws a pass, TOUCHDOWN PITTSBURGH! SANTONIO HOLMES!” This was indeed Week 15 of 2008 all over again. But wait, it gets worse. Remember when Minkah Fitzpatrick got hurt early in the 3rd Quarter? Lets see the anchor of the Steelers secondary gets injured at the start of the 2nd Half, comes back on the next series, and then makes the play to basically win the game. When have I also seen that? “Steelers show a blitz, Flacco is hit by Polamalu the ball’s out! AND THE STEELERS PLAY TAKEAWAY!” Well if we can relive history in two of the worst home losses by the Ravens in this rivalry, we may as well wait for the Queen Elizabeth to dock in our backyard. (Myron Cope said that during the Steelers epic comeback at Memorial Stadium in 1997) I’ll give a lot of credit to Pittsburgh and Mike Tomlin. Nonsense like this was why I was afraid to give up on them even as a fan of a rival. Because the moment you think they’re done, they find new ways to win, and shock you when you least expect it. Who thought they would do anything after starting 3-7? That comes to show you why Tomlin is still one of the best coaches in the game, because when their fate is on the line, they come through. We saw this last week when they came back to beat Vegas on the 50th Anniversary of the Immaculate Reception. It turns out that Franco Harris sacrificed his life so that the Steelers could have a 19th consecutive winning season. I may be speculating that, but when former Pirates Manager Chuck Tanner learned that his mother died during the 1979 World Series against the Orioles, they would win the final three games to capture the championship after being down 3-1. You know what’s insane.
Do you know who the only team that has beaten the Ravens in their Blackout uniforms, and in home night games during the regular season in the Harbaugh Era? (excluding the COVID year) Marylander: YOU GUESSED IT! THOSE ROTTEN STEELERS! Narrator: That’s because they know the Ravens so well, and they have a huge fanbase in Maryland as well. In fact they’ve won 5 of 6 in Baltimore since the Ravens took the knee after the London Fiasco. That just shows you how many Raven fans have sold their season tickets since that incident. Baltimore fans are very patriotic, and when that kneeling thing happened, some of the fans left the Ravens and didn’t come back. But it gets worse. Guess who they became fans of? (Pennsylvania Polka playing) The Pittsburgh Steelers! So now we understand the common denominator as to why the Ravens have struggled against their rivals at home. Because there are times during those games where it feels like it’s a Steelers home game. That and the fact that most former Colt fans jumped on the Yinzer mobile after the 1983 season, is why it feels like Pittsburgh has 2 home games a year against the Ravens. The worst part for Baltimore is that this game may eliminate them from winning the AFC North. Honestly, I’m not mad. They have their playoff spot locked up, and they really don’t need Lamar back until the postseason begins. But it would have been really nice to knock the Steelers out of the playoffs, and end Tomlin’s streak. If they didn’t clinch Festivus on Christmas Eve, I would be absolutely livid because they would have to rush Planet LJ back next week against the Bungles with their season on the line. If I’m Harbaugh no matter what the NFL does with the Bengals vs Bills game after the Damar Hamlin situation I’m resting my starters. There’s too many men dealing with injuries, and they need as many players as possible to be healthy for the postseason. I know the speculation is that this could have been Boy Wonder’s last home game at M&T Bank Stadium. Even if it isn’t, this will most likely have been it for Greg Roman and Steve Saunders, as Harbaugh threw both of them under the bus. He better because he for sure doesn’t want to end up like his brother did in San Francisco when those two yes-men ruined his legacy. Speaking of Jim Harbaugh he also laid an egg on National TV during the College Football Playoff. (Usually when one of them has a bad game, the other follows suit) All I can say is that this better not have been the last Ravens home game when they’ve been good for a long time. I don’t think it will be even if they lose Lamar because they’ll get a good return for him and Mark Andrews, but just don’t tell that to the internet nerds. What’s that I hear? Aw, are you ok Poe? Poe: Whistling (I don’t know buddy) Narrator: What’s wrong? Poe: Whistling (I want Edgar, and Allan to stay with me for the long term future, but I don’t know if I should do this) Narrator: Poe, listen, they came back for you. You’re the reason they are out of retirement. It’s your choice to convince Eric DeCosta if they should have both of your older brothers. Poe: Whistling (I want them to be back, but I don’t know what he’ll say) Narrator: Poe, everything is going to be fine. Hey, you want a snowball? Poe: Whistling (YES!) Narrator: Well here you go! Poe: Whistling (Its Grape, I LOVE IT! Thank you so much!) Narrator: Edgar, and Allan you want a snowball for yourself. Edgar/Allan: Whistling (SURE!) Narrator: Here you go. Boys everythings going to be fine. We’re gonna find a way for all three of you brothers to be back long term. Raven brothers: Whistling (COOL!) Anyways enjoy the rest of your week, and to wrap this up will you join me in a moment of silence, as we send nothing but the best towards the health of Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin…………………………. Thank you.
Episode 17: at Bengals (The Dress Rehearsal for Wild Card Week)
I need some time to get myself ready for the playoffs. Charm City Beasts will be put on hold for next week because we have something special cooked up and ready to be served. I think the Ravens would say the same thing. Once the Bills vs Bengals game got canceled, Harbaugh just said you know what, let’s treat this as a scrimmage because we know we’re playing them next week. That’s what this game felt like. The biggest difference in this affair was turnovers. Cincinnati capitalized on the Ravens being forced to start Anthony Brown in place of not only Lamar but Tyler Huntley. All three of their TDs came on short fields. You can’t do that regardless of the opponent. However Baltimore hung tough. Just like in their first meeting Mike Macdonald’s defense was giving Joe Burrow fits, and it will be tough for them on Wild Card Weekend since their two best linemen are out. How can this get more ugly?
Sidenote: Well the Bungles accused the Ravens of being dirty and naughty bad boys. Sounds like FOOTBALL FOLLIE winners to me. Um, Cincy, are you dense? You are accusing your division rivals that they are dirty when you play them next week in an elimination game, and you employed Vontaze Burfict and Taylor Mays who are two of the dirtiest players of this generation. I said it before and I’m saying it again. If you are talking that much crap, YOU BETTER BACK IT UP! Calling out a division rival, especially one with the coaching staff looking for any advantage is not a good look. Burrow I’d be careful, because the Ravens are looking to Carson Palmer you any chance they get. There’s a reason why the Marylanders call them “The Bungles Who Cried Wolf.” This is exactly it. (JaMarr Chase: The Ravens are dirty and have cheap shot artists. Marylander: BOO HOO! THIS IS THE AFC NORTH! GROW UP BUNGLES!)
Wild Card Stream:
Key Moments
0:00 A Message from Ravens Media
2:04 Omar Whistle
2:16 Warriors by League of Legends (Ravens Intro Hype Song)
5:36 The Salty Marylander is on the Air
9:44 The Storylines heading into the Game
15:54 Opening Kickoff
19:04 The First Salvo (Burrow sacked by Washington, JPP)
25:33 Bengals lead 3-0 (McPherson FG 39 yards)
32:02 Huntley gets picked (Salty Marylander Rage #1)
40:53 Marcus Peters becomes an idiot (Salty Marylander Rage #2)
46:11 Bengals lead 9-0 (Burrow 7 yard TD pass to Chase)
47:05 Salty Marylander imitates Keith Jackson (McPherson misses PAT)
54:23 Greg Roman gets called for not catching Eli Apple napping
1:03:20 Ravens cut lead to 9-7 on controversial TD
1:12:12 Hayden Hurst gets robbed by Kyle Hamilton (Ravens recover fumble)
1:17:07 Salty Marylander flashes us back to 2014 AFC Divisional (Ravens over Steelers)
1:31:09 Ravens lead 10-9 (Tucker FG 21 yards)
1:33:10 False Hope is Alive
1:34:05 Halftime Recap of Wild Card Weekend
1:49:58 Logan Wilson tracks down Huntley (Ravens forced to punt)
2:05:14 Burrow TD (15-10 Bungles)
2:06:13 Bengals fail 1st 2 point try (But Peters gets called for PI)
2:07:10 Bengals convert 2nd 2 point try (17-10 Bungles)
2:14:03 Huntley completes bomb to Robinson for TD (Tied at 17)
2:16:23 Sandman cued up (We think)
2:19:15 Bungles stopped and forced to a 3 and out
2:22:08 The Salty Marylander called the type of game this would be
2:27:35 Mark Andrews mosses Jessie Bates
2:28:15 Morgan Moses injured Not Mekari again
2:31:25 Huntley takes the Ravens to the 1 yard line
2:33:19 WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!
2:34:15 And the play will stand 24-17 Cincy (Salty Marylander Rage #3)
2:35:02 People don’t understand what team this is (Salty Marylander Rage #4)
2:48:12 Geno Stone roughs the punter (Salty Marylander Rage #5)
2:58:58 There is still hope
3:07:30 4th and 1 no problem
3:11:45 Ravens get EA’d
3:15:10 We need the Ghosts of the Mile High Miracle to show up
3:17:17 INCHES INCHES (Game Over)
Episode 18: at Bengals (Close BUT NEVER CLOSE ENOUGH!)
Marylander: What if they told you this was your last football game? What if they told you this was the last time you would wear this uniform? Who would you play? How would you seize this moment? The opportunity is there for the taking, we gotta go get it! Narrator: That’s right buddy, this is it. The moment is there for us. The future is ours for the taking, we must capitalize on it. Poe: Whistling (THIS IS OUR DAY!) Edgar/Allan: Whistling (BRING IT BUNGLES!) Narrator: Guys, I love the enthusiasm! (DJ Scratch) Anyways let’s get to the basics. Coming off consecutive losses to division rivals including one last week in the dress rehearsal in Cincinnati, the Boys in Purple must encounter probably the most crucial game in the John Harbaugh era. The wonders of Cap Hell and uncertainty around Planet LJ and GoldMine Andrews are creeping up. Lamar himself quieted most of the drama this week by saying he did have a legitimate Grade 2 Sprain in his PCL. And it’s still swelling. I’m with him on this. I’ve had a couple of friends over the years that have had this injury, and they said it takes months to heal. At least he admitted the truth among the trolls on the internet. However, this didn’t stop this from becoming the main topic in sports media throughout the country. Which certainly didn’t sit well with Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. Harbs, doing the best he can to tune out the noise, was asked about LJ over and over and over, and finally at one point in his mind he was like. “That’s enough!” I don’t blame him. He wants his guys focused on the field rather than what’s going on with Lamar, especially come playoff time. And on top of this, Roquan Smith was awarded the biggest extension for any linebacker in league history. He will be getting $20M per year for the next 5 years. Honestly, the Ravens had to get this done. It’s too bad it took them this long to do this because Roquan wanted the deal done by Christmas. But for a player of his quality which is something that Baltimore hasn’t had at the Middle Linebacker spot since the GOAT himself Ray Lewis, you have to pay him.
Any skits for the playoffs Raven Brothers? (SOS playing) Oh boy you’re playing Just Dance 2 again. Lovely. Marylander: Although this time I want to win. Narrator: Well the tough part for you Salty Marylander is that Poe is now fully healthy so I bet he won’t be limited like last time. Poe: Whistling (I’m ready to make a statement! Allan, I want my revenge!) Allan: Whistling (PROVE IT BRO!) Narrator: So Edgar looks like he’s being slept on. Edgar: Whistling (Yeah, I’m like Snoop Huntley, DON’T SLEEP ON ME!) Narrator: Ok, ok, I like the energy for this week’s game. It looks like this will be a fun match. (3 MINUTES LATER!) Ladies and Gentlemen, Allan has finally been defeated! Poe: Whistling (Lets get it! My drumstick is no longer broken!) Allan: Whistling (Poe you got lucky!) Poe: Whistling (No, I just aced the last stretch) Narrator: Good point Poe, I thought Edgar and the Salty Marylander had efforts too. You all did great. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Thanks buddy)
Narrator: With that being said, the Salty Marylander has something cooked up for this week. He’s decided to do a live stream for this game. Are you ready? Marylander: How could I not be? I have wanted to do this since the series began. Narrator: Love the energy. With that all being taken into consideration, the Boys in Purple would face a familiar foe in the 1st Round of the playoffs. The Bungles. One week after JaMarr Chase accused Roquan Smith of being a naughty bad boy (When the Bengals employed Taylor Mays and Vontaze Burfict during the mid 2010s), the Ravens would get their chance at revenge. But once again they’d have to do this without Lamar. Luckily Snoop Huntley made his return, albeit not 100%. But still having a solid backup option even if things aren’t going well is ok. The start of this game would feature Baltimore having their fate tested. Could the defense take down the opponent they had prepped for all season? Early on the chess match between Joe Burrow and Mike Man would be a good one. Cincinnati went on a 14 play drive to start the game, but they only managed a field goal. Right away, the Ravens would try to take advantage. They moved the ball past midfield. But Huntley’s bad shoulder would betray him. Marylander: “Huntley in the shotgun, Hill goes in motion to his right, he looks to throw, he fires it to the outside, and it’s Intercepted! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT HUNTLEY! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO THROW IT TO THE SIDE OF A BARN! (Lamar doesn’t miss that pass, what can you do) WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!” Narrator: This enraged reaction from the Salty Marylander sums up the Ravens opening drive. Wouldn’t you guess it Cincinnati took advantage of it. (Thank Marcus Peters punching one of their lineman in the butt for 10 free yards) They attacked 6 points on the board in a hurry. It would have been 7 if Evan McPherson didn’t miss the extra point. (You still think he’s better than JT, Bungles fans?)
From that moment on, the Roman Empire with his job on the line, had to find a way to expose a one time assistant of Boy Wonders. Even if they failed to catch Eli Apple on one play, it was still good enough to get deep into Bengal territory. Then on 3rd and Goal, JK Dobbins efforts on that drive would be rewarded. Marylander: “Huntley looking to throw, he’s gonna throw it out to the flat, it is caught by JK Dobbins, and he will get to the 1 yard line, AND IN! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS! JK DOBBINS! Catches it on the right side, and goes into the endzone!” Narrator: All of a sudden this was a ball game again. Like most AFC North showdowns the intensity was at a fever pitch. How can this get crazier? Marylander: “Burrow is in the shotgun, the Ravens are coming again, he’s gonna have to roll to his right, he throws it out to Hayden Hurst, Hurst has it at the 40 yard line gets his way to the 45, and he’s decked to the ground, IT’S A FUMBLE! IT’S A FUMBLE! It’s on the ground, and it’s picked up!” Poe: Whistling (Please be in our hands) Edgar: Whistling (Hurst has butterfingers) Allan: Whistling (It’s ours!) Marylander: “Yes, YES! (Hamilton Theme playing) LETS GO BABY! THE RAVENS HAVE THE BALL! YES! Yes!” Narrator: That’s a momentum shifter alright. Hayden Hurst, the former Raven, was robbed by Kyle Hamilton like a thief in the night. This key mistake by Cincy allowed Baltimore to kick a field goal right before the half to go into the locker room with a one point lead. (Imagine saying that leading up to the game) And they’ll get the ball to start the half. However Lou Anarumu did make some adjustments. In the 2nd Half JK had little room to run. That was the key for the Bengals to get momentum back. Then came a play that gave every Ravens fan PTSD of Big Ben. Marylander: “Burrow is gonna throw it, no he’s gonna get trapped, oh god Roquan you gotta, YOU HAD HIM ROQUAN! YOU HAD THIS MAN AND YOU LET HIM! CRUD!” Narrator: That was a killer. Because the Bengals would take advantage of it, and get the lead back in no time. And they’ll get Marcus Peters to commit another huge penalty on the 2 point conversion thank you very much.
Down by 7, the Ravens were in trouble again. But for the first time in weeks, the passing game showed signs of life. On the opening play of the drive, Dobbins took a short pass, and raced 27 yards to the 46 of B-More. 4 plays later, Snoop would go for the jugular. Marylander: “2nd and 10, Huntley goes to throw, pump fakes, he throws it deep down the sideline, he’s got a man, Caught by DeMarcus Robinson! HE’S IN TOUCHDOWN! (Where the hell was this all year?) DeMarcus Robinson, on a perfect pass from Tyler Huntley! And the Ravens are an extra point away from tying it up!” Narrator: Tie game again. In a game no one thought would be close was now even again with plenty of time left in this contest. Now the question was, which of these elite defenses would step up and make the big play to turn the game. So far it’s the Boys in Purple. They forced a 3 and out right away, as Burrow’s 50/50 ball for Tee Higgins was broken up by Peters at the last second. Oh my goodness, the Ravens have a chance to pull off the upset. I thought that this would never happen, but hey go for it. When they regained the ball, the Ravens faced a huge 3rd Down on their own 38. By all logic, Roman would normally run the ball and get the easy 1st Down. Instead he had Huntley take a chance down the field. And they would complete a crucial pass to Mark Andrews. Great, there’s just one problem. CRACK! Marylander: “Oh no, Oh no, that’s Morgan Moses. Oh No!” Narrator: Moses going out for the rest of the series would turn out to be the kiss of death. Not because of his value but because of who came in for him. Marylander: “Oh No, Now we gotta rely on that bum Patrick Mekari again! Just Lovely!” Narrator: For those that don’t know this, Mekari has been a liability especially in big games despite his versatility. (The 2 recent playoff losses are evidence)
But at the moment, it’s an afterthought. Why? Because the Ravens are on the doorstep of the lead. They got it down to the 1 yard line thanks to a great run by Huntley. Poe: Whistling (SNOOOOOOOOOOOP!) Narrator: Even with Snoop’s heroics, the Ravens would be stalled out on 2 straight plays. As long as they don’t crap the bed they’re good. (Benny Hill Theme playing) Marylander: “Please don’t do this to me again Ravens, Huntley QB sneak, over the top, oh he fumbled, OH MY GOD! It’s going to be a touchdown the other way. WHAT IS HAPPENING! (Um, did they not learn from 2018 against Cleveland in Week 17?) Oh Andrews is going to get him, Oh nuh! This is OH PLEASE!” Narrator: Any last hope of the call being reversed was gone when replay clearly showed that Huntley fumbled the ball at the one yard line. Marylander: “He was freaking short. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!” Allan: Whistling (Tell me why this is coming up again, I thought we were done with this) IT’S SO BAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY! YOU WANNA KNOW WHY BECAUSE GOD UGH! AND ALL YOUR STUPID NONSENSE YOU WORTHLESS ROOKS! YOU HAD 3 CRACKS TO GET IT IN FROM THE GOALLINE! AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CRAPPED THE BED! (Who was supposed to block Sam Hubbard? PATRICK BLEEPING MEKARI!) Narrator: This bizarre 14 point swing has given the Bengals the lead, but there is still 10 minutes to play. It felt like the game was over but it was not. Not with the way the Ravens defense was playing, despite the offense being contained after the fumble, they must overcome massive REFBALL being in favor of the pretty boy from the Queen City. With that being said, Roman, Huntley, and the entire Ravens offense has a chance to redeem themselves once and for all. With 3 minutes to play with the ball at midfield, the opportunity is there for them. After stalling out on the first 3 downs, they converted a 4th and 1 with Huntley running a QB Draw.
Do I hear a sound in the distance? HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Just as they had done for most of the season, the High End Talent must save the Boys in Purple from humiliation once again! You may ask yourself why they went into a huddle with the clock inside of a minute. That answer is simple. Harbaugh didn’t want to give Burrow the ball back. Yes in the aftermath it was a bad decision but at the time it made sense. Knowing the NFL, if the Ravens score too early, they would have found a way to rig it in favor of Cincy. But even then REFBALL must screw over Baltimore again. “Holding, Offense #70.” I knew that call was coming out right after Justice Hill just gained 10 yards. If that doesn’t happen the Ravens have it 1st and Goal from the 7 with 30 seconds left. Instead it’s now 2nd and 20. Basically in Hail Mary Territory, Baltimore could do little. Now they need help from above as they say. The season comes down to a 4th and 20. Please something has to happen. Marylander: “Here’s the snap, he’s gonna look to throw, he backs up, he throws a heave to the endzone, it’s gonna be up for grabs, and it’s going to be, (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) OH, NO ITS DROPPED INCOMPLETE! NO! PROCHE YOU HAD IT! YOU THE BALL IN YOUR HANDS AND YOU JUST DROPPED IT! (That would have been a really tough catch anyway. Too bad) NO!” PAUSE.
Narrator: How many times is this going to happen? The Ravens lose in either the last game of the regular season in heartbreaking fashion either by an infamous play, or the officials jobbing them. Almost every year that is not named 2000 and 2012. People will tell this cast that we have a problem with our reactions, we’re like THIS IS WHAT THE RAVENS DO TO YOU! But to be fair the fact that this game came down to a Hail Mary is insane on its own rights. Baltimore on paper should have been blown right out the front door and right into the Ohio River. But that never happened. It comes to show you that a team with coaching experience in the playoff that has nothing to lose can work wonders. Even in defeat, the results are better than expectations. That may be good but from the way this year was looked at, this was an insane letdown of a season. Losing in the 1st Round was not what they had on their bucket list at the beginning of the season. I get the injuries from last year that carried over but gosh this is brutal. Don’t give me excuses that Lamar was injured and that his top playmakers were also not 100%. The Ravens did this to themselves. Did you see how they were playing after the Bye Week? A team that went all in at the trade deadline completely squandered a division title and deep playoff run for the taking, and let the insufferable Bengals fans lorde over them for another year. (Please don’t tell me Cleveland is about to hop on board next year) This team had Super Bowl ambitions. Really, the fans once again have a reason to make excuses. This is the same crap that put them in trouble during the Billick Era, the offense getting exposed and the defense being left out to dry despite their efforts. They are literally falling into the same traps. Salty Marylander, do you want your ax? Marylander: Sure. PAUSE.
Lamar Jackson. In my opinion he is the Ravens version of Adam Jones. Beloved by the fans in Baltimore, despite anger management issues on Social Media, (He comes from the Antonio Brown clan, THAT’S ALARMING ON ITS OWN!) and being despised by the talking heads at ESPN. Jackson is an incredible talent. That itself can’t be debated. But there are a few things that we need to consider. I don’t blame him for playing out his 5th year option, he wanted to pull a Joe Flacco in 2012 and win a Super Bowl. Too bad he got struck down by the Football Gods. Which leads to the question, can he stay healthy long term? When LJ is healthy, he is a difference maker. Not in terms of stats, but in terms of his win-loss record. Although he still has his doubters. Many say that he was holding out at the end of the season due to injury. If that were the case that would have been public the minute it was put on Social Media. That was a legitimate Grade 2 PCL Sprain and he couldn’t put any weight on it. Call me crazy but Haloti Ngata had the same injury during their Super Bowl year in 2012 and missed 8 games because of it. The question now is what do you do with him this offseason? Do you trade him or give him the biggest extension in team history. Considering how much his teammates want him back, and how much of an input he’ll have on the offense during the offseason, there’s a good chance he’s staying long term. Dolphins, Falcons, and Jets fans keep dreaming of him playing for you guys, but he’s not coming to those teams because Bisciotti doesn’t want to lose credibility. It sucks from a cap standpoint but hey what can you do? PAUSE.
When I saw that JK Dobbins wasn’t getting enough carries in his mind I thought he was being a nuisance. He actually had a point. When this man is healthy, he may be the most underrated go-to back in the game. His stats in the 2nd Half of the season prove it. But even then he’s not satisfied. I know he’ll whine about the fact that he only had 10 carries in the playoff game but there’s a reason why. Did you see him in short yardage situations against Pittsburgh in Week 17? The way the Steelers defense defended him in those situations was evidence. Plus Gus Edwards is a better short yardage player to begin with. He did have a couple nice plays. I’ll give him that. Don’t worry JK, you’ll have a new OC next year, and he’ll hopefully unlock both your and Gus’ full potentials. Just keep your head up high. PAUSE.
A couple weeks ago I thought to myself, what a down year Mark Andrews has had. Now thinking back on it I disagree. Yes he was injured at midseason, and was limited down the stretch, but from a leadership standpoint, he’s a nice player to have on board. The way he mentored Isaiah Likely this season was huge. They may have the next Sharpe-Coates combo if things go according to plan. Not only that, but he told the truth to the media when they were speculating why Lamar didn’t have his deal done by the start of the season. His explanation was that he has little down time because of his work ethic. And honestly I believe that. Mark, keep up the good work, and make sure you and the rest of the offense convince your boy to return next season. I expect big things, don’t let me down. PAUSE.
Sammy Watkins. Why the hell did they bring him back? I know Devin Duvernay and Rashod Bateman were on IR but seriously? Besides one long catch against the Falcons all he’ll be remembered for is throwing Lamar under the bus. Sammy, Sammy. You can say his injury was contract related and not serious, but when that comes out of the mouth of one of the most injury prone receivers of this generation you might need to rethink your thoughts. Let me put it to you this way. HE WAS CLEARLY INJURED! He was still limping in the training room while in rehab. Marlon Humphrey and Mark Andrews told you the truth and you know it. This may have been his last shot on an NFL roster. Too many injuries, and his abilities have declined. This is what we call karma everyone. PAUSE.
Why is Patrick Mekari still on the roster? WHY! I get he is one of their more versatile Offensive Linemen who shows flashes of brilliance but there is one major flaw. Whenever the Ravens need to win a big game especially one an elimination game he craps the bed! Look at how they got eliminated the last four years. If there is one player that was the scapegoat in any of those games it was Mekari. 2019 against the Titans, he gave up 3 sacks to Jeffery Simmons, and was run over on numerous occasions. (When Justin Tucker’s first attempt was blocked) 2020 against Buffalo technically wasn’t his fault with the bad snaps, but he still didn’t manage to do his part in run blocking. 2021 against Von Miller and TJ Watt in the last two weeks of the season, he gave up a combined 5 sacks. And the piece de resistance. You wanna know who was responsible for blocking Sam Hubbard on the play where he returned a fumble for a TD on the 1 yard line. PATRICK BLEEPING MEKARI! He’s down there with Lee Evans, Billy Cundiff, and Kyle Boller in Ravens infamy. That’s how I view him. Do the right thing and cut him in the offseason Johnny.
I may be the only one that hasn’t called for John Harbaugh’s head. That’s because I know the one major rule of this organization since its inception. It’s that they don’t fire head coaches. They either retire like Ted Marchibroda did after 1998, or have their contracts expire like Brian Billick did after 2007. (Billick did end his tenure on a 9 game losing streak) I know he isn’t an X’s and O’s guy, but Harbaugh is still the right man for this job. Look at what he’s done. 10 playoff appearances in 15 years, including 5 AFC Championship Game berths, a Super Bowl ring in 2012, 4 division titles, and only 2 losing seasons. And in all but one of those years they’ve been in the playoff hunt or have clinched a spot on the last day of the season. That’s consistency right there. Heck, the only reason they even had a chance to beat Cincinnati was because of Harb’s playoff experience. Yes he’s only won 3 playoff games in 10 years, something that would get most coaches fired, but like their rivals in Pittsburgh they have owners that don’t like changing coaches. Johnny please don’t listen to the Social Media trolls, do what’s best for this team and keep the contending window alive. (“At this stage of my coaching career, a rebuild doesn’t exist -Harbaugh) PAUSE.
The Roman Empire. All I can say is that the 2019 Divisional Round loss to Tennessee broke him. To me that’s a clear conclusion to the end of his tenure with the Ravens. Think about it. G-Ro at the time was one of the top candidates for several head coaching jobs across the NFL. The way he used Lamar Jackson in his MVP season was a thing to behold. Once that game happened, the wheels fell off and he never recovered from it. You could see it based on the offensive production over the past three seasons. In his defense we never saw how good that unit could be in 2021 and 22 because of injuries. To me Roman is like what Matt Cavanaugh and Cam Cameron were during the 2000s. Good OCs for the short term but after a while their schemes get outdated and they get exposed badly. (The same thing happened to him in San Francisco and Buffalo as well) Don’t worry Greg, just like Wink Martindale you’ll get a needed change of scenery, another coordinator job, and another mobile QB to work with. Although I will say if it weren’t for Roman’s play calling at the end of Super Bowl XLVII the Ravens may not have a 2nd ring. (In reality that was all Ray Lewis. He wasn’t going to let the Niners score) I’ll give him a pass for that. PAUSE.
No coordinator since Marvin Lewis and Rex Ryan has made me more pleased than Mike Macdonald. Yes I’m being biased because I have a job acquaintance with his wife Stephanie, but still. Most coordinators coming from college have a rough transition at the NFL level. For Mike Man that was not the case. Yes they had the collapse against Miami but that’s because they were playing two rookie corners against the two fastest players in football. Beginning from that first game against Cincinnati it became known that his return to Baltimore would be an instant success. Replacing Wink Martindale was not an easy task, and I will say he might be better than Martindale ever was. Considering that they now have the formula to defeat an offense like the one the Bengals have with Joe Burrow, his future is bright in Charm City. With most of the defense entering their primes, the sky’s the limit for Macdonald. Mike, I’m proud of you. PAUSE.
Steve Saunders, well I mean the injuries have gone down I guess. It doesn’t state the fact that he once again was given shade by players outside the organization. Remember that Derek Wolfe rant where he claimed that Saunders ruined his prime and forced him to retire. That’s not a good look on his resume. I will say, the fact that the Ravens had to change their conditioning program and the way they practice because of how he treated injured players is disgusting. I would say that he should get out of here, but he has one more year left. He wasn’t as bad as last year, but hey Harbs needs to have some of his friends on board I guess. Thank goodness only one player needs surgery in the offseason instead of the 13 that they had last year. But he’s probably the big reason why free agents don’t want to come here. Is this Tom Coughlin as an executive in Jacksonville again? PAUSE.
Slowly but surely Eric DeCosta is on his way to having consistently good drafts and free agents signings. This year may have been the best year he’s had as GM. Think about it. He fleeced the Cardinals and Bears so badly that both of them are picking in the Top 3 in the 2023 NFL Draft. Think about it. Getting a generational talent in Roquan Smith from the Bears gave this team that game changing MLB that they haven’t had since Ray Lewis. The return they got in the Marquise Brown Trade has been a major bang. Both Tyler Linderbaum and Jordan Stout were named to the All Rookie Team. And both are future Pro Bowlers. He for sure executed his goals going into the season. They needed help on the O-Line, the backend of the Secondary, depth at Tight End, and depth on the D-Line. They got all of those goals accomplished alright. Now his goals for 2023 are simple. Lock up Lamar, get another receiver in the draft, and replace Marcus Peters, and Calais Campbell in free agency. It sounds easy, but the task will be hard. Good luck. PAUSE.
I remember a lot of people being skeptical about Sashi Brown taking over as team president. Considering his time with both the Browns and Wizards you’d think it was a mistake. The difference between those 2 teams and the Ravens is that Steve Bisciotti is a better owner than Jimmy Haslam and the Monumental Sports Company. We also need to consider that he drafted Myles Garrett, Nick Chubb, Baker Mayfield, Denzel Ward, David Njoku, and a few others when he was in Cleveland. He’s the only reason why the Browns are even relevant. (And he’s been out of there for 4 years) Look at his first year. The way he and EDC managed that draft was legendary. Look at the key players they got. Kyle Hamilton, Tyler Linderbaum, David Ojabo, Travis Jones, Jordan Stout, and Isaiah Likely. 3 if not 4 of them are going to be future All Pros, plus Jones and Likely are quality backups with high upside. Considering that he had to replace a legend in Dick Cass, and to have that success right away is huge. Considering how many negative comments he got in his previous two stops, I bet he can breathe a sigh of relief. PAUSE.
Now we get to the big topic. The one that everyone has been wondering. If you’ve followed this team it’s easy to identify. Why haven’t the Ravens gotten a top tier WR? First of all this is a run first team, and especially during Roman’s reign no one was going to sign there just to block. Look at the 2021 Free Agent Class. There were big time receivers on that market. Allen Robinson, Chris Godwin, Kenny Golladay, JuJu Smith-Schuster, TY Hilton, and a few others. The Ravens only got Sammy Watkins out of all those options because they did not want to have their production go down. (Baltimore offered more money to Godwin, Golladay, and JuJu than the Bucs, Giants and Steelers did) Heck it doesn’t end there. That whole trend began in 2004 when Terrell Owens rejected a deal with the Ravens for a deal in Philadelphia where he got less money. The reasoning was because he didn’t want to play with Kyle Boller, and in Matt Cavanaugh’s run heavy offense. Second of all, they’re all “Give Me the Damn Ball” type players. That personality doesn’t suit well in the Ravens locker room. Which is why they traded Marquise Brown to Arizona. Finally the circumstances in Baltimore City. A, it’s a small market to begin with and not many endorsements are in the city. (Which is why they lost the Bobby Wagner sweepstakes to the Rams) B, there are certain areas in the city that are an absolute nightmare to navigate because of high crime rates. (I would go into more detail, but I’d get in trouble for that) And C, most of these players want to be in big market cities because they enjoy nightlife. And in Baltimore there aren’t that many places, plus even if there are some, it’s incredibly dangerous to go down there at night, especially if there’s high security. (That’s why Orioles games last year during the Pennant Race weren’t sold out despite their on field success) Lamar’s not the only one that dealt with this. Flacco dealt with this too, and I bet you any money that it drove Billick crazy while he was the coach here. PAUSE.
It’s time to face hard truths and I know the entire state of Ohio is cheering as I say this. The future is uncertain in Baltimore. As accomplished as they are, the Ravens may not win another championship with this core. It’s only a matter of time before they join the Steelers, Patriots, and Packers in Football Hell. I know it’s sacrilege as a Ravens fan to say this, but that time might be coming. Lamar’s future is uncertain, Harbaugh’s seat according to Social Media is only getting hotter, the pressure will be on to find a new Offensive Coordinator, The New Frontier of the AFC may be upon us especially if Cleveland manages to do something next season. And the draft capital is very slim. But in reality we know what’s going to happen. The Ravens will sign Lamar to a $225M contract over 5 years, they’ll replace Greg Roman with Harbs buddy in Frank Reich, they’ll luck into Jaxon Smith-Njigba in the draft, outbid the Patriots for Jonathan Jones, and maintain the Super Bowl window for another 5+ years. It may be the worst case scenario but hey that’s how life works, ON CHARM CITY BEASTS! Raven Brothers: Whistling (R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!) (What’s next for me, the Bucks losing to the Cavs in the 1st Round. Knowing how it’s been for me against Ohio teams this year, the answer is probably yes) PAUSE.
Postseason Aftermath:
Baltimore Ravens (SOS Roman Empire): I knew they were going to lose this game going into it. That’s not what I’m mad about. It’s how they did it. As history shows us no matter what the Ravens do to improve both on and off the field the Football Gods must throw a pie in their faces especially in an elimination game. (Excluding 2000, and 2012) But to be fair, they did put up a really good fight despite the fact that they were double digit underdogs and playing against a team that hadn’t lost at full strength since Week 5. But there is one thing that undid them. Mistakes. Penalties at the worst times, bad execution on 3rd Downs in the red zone, (Greg Roman will be blamed whether he deserves it or not) and then the big one. A chance to take the lead early in the 4th Quarter only to squander it on the 1 yard line via fumble returned for a TD because Patrick Mekari got exposed by an elite edge rusher yet again! (I lost a Super Bowl once in Madden by that same play) Even with Tyler Huntley’s tremendous effort I think Baltimore was losing this game regardless. There was no way the NFL was going to let possibly their most marketable figure lose to a backup QB in the 1st Round especially at home. This is the Ravens 5th loss in their last 6 playoff games. And most of them have been in heartbreaking fashion. (Plus Week 17 in 2016, 2017, and Weeks 17 and 18 of 2021) Now begins what possibly could be the nuking of this proud organization. Lamar Jackson, Marcus Peters, Calais Campbell, and perhaps Mark Andrews may all be gone. (Among others) I would say John Harbaugh too but that’s not how this organization works. Just ask the Patriots and Steelers about how living off past glory worked out for them. (I’m gonna need to make a document on a certain playoff game in 2019 aren’t I?)
Episode 19: Goodbye Roman and Saunders, Hello OBJ and Todd Monken!
Narrator: The time has finally come for me to do an episode of this series. What has it been? 3 months? Yeah let’s end that wait. Since the playoff loss to the Bungles, the Boys in Purple have gone through some changes in the coaching staff. The fans’ wishes of Greg Roman not coming back were granted as his contract expired after the 2022 season. And to the surprise of no one, Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh decided that they wouldn’t renew his contract. So the Roman Empire after 5 years of up and down play calling with the team has finally fallen to ashes. Honestly they had to do it. Baltimore from an offensive standpoint has been trying to take the next step into becoming a balanced attack that can hurt you in every phase but Roman never got them to do that besides 2019 and most of 2020. So with Roman out, Harbaugh began searching for his next offensive coordinator. They had up to 30 potential candidates for the job including Frank Reich and Eric Bienemy. Reich took the head coaching job in Carolina, and Bienemy left the Chiefs to become the OC of the Washington Commanders. (Both men are headed straight to hell and it’s not even their fault. Blame Dan Snyder and David Tepper) In the end, after a month of interviews and scouting, the Ravens found their next Offensive Coordinator. Todd Monken fresh off 2 National Championships as the OC for the Georgia Bulldogs. His balanced schemes with Stetson Bennent put the fear of god into every SEC opponent including Alabama, LSU, and many others. Georgia’s defense may have gotten plenty of attention but it was their offense that led the SEC in scoring both years he was there. When I think of that offense, I think of him maximizing the potentials for both George Pickens and Brock Bowers. The way he used Kenny McIntosh as a deadly all purpose feature back. And as I said, it was balanced. Every player on that Bulldogs offense was a threat to beat you at every turn. And if you are wondering, does he have NFL experience? Yes he does. However he was the OC for both the Browns and Buccaneers from 2016-2020. Tampa and the first year in Cleveland he at least had an excuse because both Dirk Koetter and Freddie Kitchens were both overmatched. At least with Johnny he’ll be around the same kind of coaching staff that he was when he was with Kirby Smart in Athens.
The next domino to fall would be a man that every Ravens fan has been begging to see get fired since the COVID outbreak in 2020. Steve Saunders. Just like in his time with the 49ers almost a decade ago, Saunders mismanaged players’ rehabs from injuries and it either forced them to leave in free agency or retire in their primes. Recently it was revealed that both Hollywood and Orlando Brown wanted out not because they were divas, but because they didn’t want Saunders ruining their offseason program routines. (Although both of the Brown’s were total divas come 2020) This year was icing on the cake. Both Rashod Bateman and Devin Duvernay suffered minor foot injuries at midseason. Saunders messed up Bateman’s rehab so badly that he was put on IR for the rest of the season. Duvernay’s rehab wasn’t serious at first but then he hurt the same foot again in Week 15 and was also put on IR for good. Turns out that both Derek Wolfe and RG3 were right. The damage that Saunders had on this franchise over a 3 year period is something this side of Scrooge McDuck. And he didn’t get fired, his contract like Roman’s also expired in the offseason. Now the Ravens must search for a replacement coach. It didn’t take them long to do so but they promoted Scott Elliott to become the Head Strength and Conditioning. Luckily he was only around for one season before taking the head job, so at least he offers a different point of view when it comes to players rehabbing from injuries. As long as he doesn’t fall into the same traps as Saunders he’ll be ok.
(The Room Where It Happens playing) Now here comes the topic that has been on everyone’s minds since that last Hail Mary pass in the Wild Card Game. The future of Planet LJ. The question that a majority of the public was asking was why didn’t Lamar travel with the team to Cincinnati for that playoff game? Well, according to Eric DeCosta the reasoning was because players that are severely injured don’t travel with the team for road games. (Other than Ray Lewis in 2011 and 12 any Raven that is injured doesn’t leave Baltimore until they are fully recovered) Case in point Rashod Bateman and Devin Duvernay also didn’t travel to Cincinnati. The next question was whether Jackson didn’t return after the knee sprain in Week 13 against the Broncos due to his contract, or was he legitimately injured? LJ responded by saying that he had suffered a Grade 2 PCL sprain and normally that takes 6-8 weeks to heal. (Khris Middleton of the Bucks suffered the same injury in the NBA Playoffs last year, and it took him that long to walk without pain) It also doesn’t help that his rehab took longer than expected because YOU GUESSED IT! Steve Saunders is a hack! (He messed up Lamar’s rehab from the ankle injury the previous year as well) That didn’t stop pundits and fans from saying that he was holding out. If he were holding out, he wouldn’t have played the 2022 season on his 5th year option. Despite hiring Todd Monken, Lamar didn’t really care about the hiring but rather trying to get a deal done. Then ESPN came out and said that both sides were $100M apart from a contract. It was told by Adam Schefter that Lamar was offered a $250M fully guaranteed contract. However Jackson claimed that the Ravens offered him a 3 year contract worth $133M guaranteed. So the $250M deal was never a thing. Then things boiled over on March 2. Lamar Jackson has demanded a trade out of Baltimore. Marylander: Honestly it might suck to lose his talent but here they have to do it. LJ is turning into a diva that rivals his BFF Antonio Brown, and he is starting to get on Ravens fans’ nerves. Just start over with a new QB.
Narrator: Even if some of the fanbase wanted Jackson gone, the front office still signed him to the franchise tag. Although it did leave the door open for Lamar to negotiate with other teams. Plus the Ravens would have the chance to match the contract offered by the other teams. If they didn’t match the deal, Baltimore would receive two 1st Round picks at minimum. (Knowing EDC they would want the next Herschel Walker Trade) There was just one problem. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) No one was willing to offer Lamar a contract. It honestly makes sense for these teams just because they have their own QB issues, and concerns on the roster. And to take the risk of giving Baltimore a ridiculous draft package and have Lamar sign a massive contract. No wonder why everyone stayed away. (Not to mention the Ravens track record in the draft is one of the best of the modern era) However Steve Bisciotti, and Sashi Brown had a plan. Once Lamar’s trade request went viral on March 27 while Harbaugh was speaking to the media at the League Meeting, they decided that in order to keep Lamar upbeat, they had to make a move to add an accomplished WR. Their target. Odell Beckham Jr. A man who was fresh off a 2nd Torn ACL in 3 years (Thank those dirty Bungles for each injury) however if he didn’t get hurt in Super Bowl LVI he likely would have been the games MVP. Beckham had a renaissance with the Rams during the 2021 Postseason, and even if he missed the entire 2022 season, OBJ would still be a high asset for a receiver hungry team. The Ravens knew it. Rashod Bateman and Devin Duvernay have high potential as long as they stay healthy, plus Mark Andrews is still a Top 3 TE. They just needed to find one more piece to complete the receiver core. Odell was the piece in their eyes. However they would have a serious challenger to deal with when it came to the OBJ sweepstakes. The New York Jets. Apparently the ButtFumble is going all in this season. Their plan this offseason was to do everything in their power to land Aaron Rodgers just the way they did with Brett Favre 15 years ago. Rodgers himself declared on the Pat McAfee Show that he wanted to play in New York. (Well he owns a minority stake in the Bucks and is dating the daughter of co-owner Wes Edens who is from New York anyways) The Jets first attempt to make sure Rodgers would be in the Big Apple was signing his top target last year in Allen Lazard for $15M a year. Even with that signing the Jets made it clear. They wanted Rodgers and OBJ. They even planned for Beckham to come back to town for a visit on April 10. It was looking more and more of a possibility that the Ravens, just like they did in the Bobby Wager sweepstakes last year, would lose the bidding to a big market team for a free agent that they had been gunning for all offseason. However on Easter Sunday, Odell posted on Social Media a picture of his son wearing a purple Lamar Jackson jersey. We know what this means? (BOOM!) Baltimore had stolen the Jets Easter Eggs in the middle of the night! Marylander: What? We signed Odell Beckham? ARE YOU CRAZY! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH LAMAR? PAUSE.
Narrator: Nothing makes sense right now, just when it appeared that the Ravens were heading towards getting rid of their franchise QB, they made one of the biggest splashes and quite possibly the biggest free agent risk in their history. Signing Odell Beckham for a 1 year contract, (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Marylander: AT 18 MILLION A YEAR! Look I get he’s with Todd Monken again, and has a massive chip on his shoulder to put up his usual 1000 yard numbers, but that much money for a guy coming off another ACL tear? I hope this works out! Narrator: True. Now look at it this way. This deal is monumental from a narrative standpoint. A highly regarded talent at WR has actually wanted to come to Baltimore. Let that sink in. The Ravens for many years have struggled to recruit talent at WR to come to Charm City despite offering more money than the teams they signed with. Real receivers don’t go there, they go to big markets like LA, New York, and Philadelphia. Not this time around. Yes OBJ knocked over the Ravens kicking net in 2016, and choked Marlon Humphrey, and gave Wink Martindale the middle finger in 2019, who cares the front office wants to make Lamar comfortable about his future with the team. Speaking of Planet LJ, how did he respond to this? BOOM! (Lamar and OBJ facetime each other and Jackson posts it on Instagram) Marylander: INJECT THE FALSE HOPE INTO MY VEINS RIGHT NOW! WE’RE COMING FOR YOU CINCINNATI! PAUSE.
Narrator: Just what everyone thought. Lamar Jackson not only approved the OBJ signing, he also was wearing his Ravens chain during the call, and wouldn’t you guess it those two after the call went out and partied in Miami all night long in celebration. Once again, Planet LJ played Social Media Fishing with the evil media. He was about done with the Ravens, but nope, he’s coming back this season and who cares if he has to play on the franchise tag, Jackson now has an accomplished receiver to throw to and he’s good friends with him as well. We found out later that Marlon Humphrey was also part of the recruit. Even better news was that the Linebacking GOAT himself approved the signing despite Beckham’s rough history with the Ravens. I mean this signing is one of the biggest risks in franchise history. Normally Eric DeCosta and Ozzie Newsome don’t make moves out of their comfort zone. This was a move that screams desperation. They haven’t made one of those since their last Super Bowl season, and they know that they want to find some way to make it back to the top the future be damned. It’s either going to be the 2nd coming of Anquan Boldin, or the next Elvis Grbac. There’s no inbetween. We’ll let that play out as the year goes on.
With this signing, the approach of the Ravens regarding the NFL Draft has seemed to change just a bit. With Odell, Bateman, and Duvernay, plus Nelson Agohlor also signing on a one year deal (Now don’t develop Evansism) the WR and TE rooms seem to be rounded out. However, that won’t stop the fans from begging for more receivers. There is one name that comes to mind. Jaxon Smith-Njigba. When healthy he is a potentially generational talent at receiver. At Ohio State he was almost unstoppable. Even if he played alongside Chris Olave, and Garrett Wilson, those two even said that JSN was better than those two ever were. If he hadn’t had hamstring problems in 2022, he would easily have been a Top 10 pick. Now we have no idea where he’s going to get selected. (My guess would be late teens early 20s) The other names were Jordan Addison of USC, and Quentin Johnston of TCU. It would be nice to have one of those wideouts on the roster, but Baltimore’s front office isn’t going to ignore the biggest need at this moment. A wingman at cornerback for Marlon Humphrey to work with. One name came to the mind of EDC. Joey Porter Jr. Perhaps the most well rounded corner in the draft, a player with no weaknesses in coverage, and even better he went to Penn State and DeCosta has connections there. I wouldn’t be shocked if they traded up despite only having 5 picks in this year’s draft. (Its ok, they can just trade 3rd-5th round picks in next years draft to move up if they need to) The fans yes want more offensive fireworks, but in order for this team to make it to the promised land especially in the AFC, they are going to need to lockdown these high quality offenses. And they know it. The one who is eager for vengeance on those teams just so happens to be Mike Man. Despite trading Chuck Clark to the Jets for a 7th Round pick, and Marcus Peters’ and Patrick Queen’s futures being undecided, the defense once again should be a brick wall, and Macdonald likes the idea of them taking one of the top corners in the draft especially since the AFC North is loaded at QB and WR. (You must take a corner especially when you have to face Burrow, Pickett, and Watson twice even if Marcus Peters returns) Other than CB all the Ravens really need at this moment is depth on both the O-Line and D-Line. Despite losing Ben Powers to the Broncos in free agency, once again the competition for the LG spot will be a grind. As long as Ben Cleveland doesn’t come into camp out of shape like the last two years, he should take the starting job with ease. On the D-Line Calais Campbell is gone. He signed a 1 year deal with the Falcons so he could be close to home in the South. But even with Captain MonStar gone, the emergence of both Justin Madubuike and Broderick Washington, plus a promising DT in Travis Jones, and hopefully a healthy Michael Pierce will make this D-Line from being overmatched.
Honestly I’ve had enough talking about how crazy this offseason is, I think it’s time for the Raven Brothers to come out of hibernation. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Reporting for duty sir) Narrator: What have you three mutts been up to this offseason. Edgar: Whistling (It’s been relaxing for myself and Allan, we’ve been playing video games and watching Netflix for most of the time) Narrator: What exactly? Allan: Whistling (We’ve played Mario Kart, Madden, Wii Sports, and of course Edgar and Poe still can’t beat me in Just Dance) Narrator: Never change Allan. Who’s been winning the others? Poe: Whistling (I’ve dominated in Mario Kart and Wii Sports, Edgar won’t stop blitzing myself and Allan in Madden and it’s annoying) Edgar: Whistling (Poe, you and Allan were in max protect the whole game and still couldn’t stop my corner blitz) Narrator: Well Edgar is being feisty. Salty Marylander. Marylander: Yes. Narrator: Edgar is challenging you to a game of Madden. Marylander: BRING IT EDGAR! Edgar: Whistling (Oh I will, and you won’t know what hit you) Narrator: Alright just play on. (2 HOURS LATER) Edgar: Whistling (Well well, you really wanted to challenge me? TOO BAD!) Marylander: You got lucky, EA was on your side the whole time. Edgar: Whistling (TOO BAD BUB! You like the other two were in max protection and I still got pressure on the QB) Narrator: What’s even more baffling is that the Salty Marylander requested a rematch since he wasn’t read the first time, and it was worse in the 2nd game. Poe: Whistling (Don’t feel too bad, Edgar does this to all of us in Madden) Narrator: Yeah I know. So what else have you been up to? Allan: Whistling (Poe got to go to the White House for the Easter Egg Roll, and Biden didn’t invite us) Poe: Whistling (Allan I tried to convince the presidential office to bring you boys along but they only wanted me to come) Narrator: Don’t worry Allan, at least you and Edgar will be at both the Draft Party and Beach Bash coming up in the next couple of months. Edgar: Whistling (I know, I’m excited. We’ve never been to a Beach Bash in Ocean City, and it looks fun) Narrator: I mean that should be exciting. So what happened while Poe was in DC? Allan: Whistling (Edgar, myself, and the Salty Marylander played Mario Kart all day, and the Salty Marylander dominated although the random course selection was unfair.) Narrator: Why’s that? Edgar: Whistling (It kept giving us Bowser’s Castle on repeat and there are 3 of them in this game. And myself and Allan were dominated in those races) Narrator: I thought you were going to say DK Summit as well. Allan: Whistling (Yeah that too) Narrator: Well at least you guys are enjoying yourselves. Well that’s going to do it for us, it’ll be an eventful couple of weeks before the NFL Draft, and the good news for us Marylanders is that all the false hope that seemed to vanquish has returned. Oriole Bird: Whistling (And HOW BOUT DEM O’S!) Narrator: Oh yeah and that too. Looking good over there at Camden Yards! Oriole Bird: Whistling (I know right) Anyways like the new fireworks system at Camden Yards working wonders, so are the CHARM CITY BEASTS! Raven Brothers/Oriole Bird: Whistling (Ain’t The Beer Cold BABY!)
Episode 20: Lamar, Edgar, and Allan extended plus the Draft
(Music Playing) Poe: Whistling (We wanna try something.) Edgar/Allan: Whistling (A-A-A-A ALL NIGHT!) Poe: Whistling (We wanna try something.) Edgar/Allan: Whistling (A-A-A-A ALL NIGHT!) Raven Bros: Whistling (We’re on the rise, but all the pundits don’t care. Ravens Nation is coming back with a bang. We wanna try something new. ALL NIGHT! We wanna try something new. ALL NIGHT!) Narrator: Ok, Raven Brothers! I see you guys are quoting a song written by the celebrity crush of Marlon Humphrey except you edited the words. Allan: Whistling (We thought that we did a Ravens version of that song just because our team is dawning a new identity) Narrator: Cool. I’m guessing that identity is a balanced attack with modern day flash and speed. Poe: Whistling (You bet it is buddy!) Narrator: I see that you have the backwards cap look Poe, plus the sunglasses. Edgar: Whistling (We all brought our shades out) Narrator: Cool, now that the Raven Brothers had one of their creative skits to open the show, we need to get into another Civil War brewing between the talking heads at ESPN and FS1 vs the talking heads from Baltimore in particular those on 98 Rock and 105.7 the Fan. And to the surprise of no one it’s related to the response of Odell Beckham Jr at his introductory press conference. He stated that there were no assurances of Planet LJ returning to the Boys in Purple. This led many outside of Baltimore to believe that Lamar was still waiting to be traded to the Colts or Commanders. But all the homers went out and said that there was no way that the Ravens would sign OBJ and not have their franchise QB return. The homers would be right, as mentioned in the previous episode Jackson, and Beckham had a facetime call after the signing and those two partied in Miami that night.
Once again the question was, does Lamar play on the franchise tag, or hold out? At the time we never knew. Luckily for LJ the outlier of his potential contract would be that of a QB that he is often compared to in the grand scheme of things. Jalen Hurts. There were questions on whether he would play out the last of his contract in Philadelphia. Well lets just say, that never had to be answered. Hurts was signed for 5 years at $255M, including $180M guaranteed. Every pundit in the media was begging for Eric DeCosta and Ozzie Newsome to match that contract signed by the Eagles. Luckily the Ravens had a couple of weeks before the draft to think about this. Although many wanted them to focus on Lamar, according to Sashi Brown that wasn’t on their minds until 3 days leading up to the draft. Baltimore had other things to focus on. Like signing a 15 year extension with M&T Bank to keep the name of the Ravens home stadium until 2037. Not to mention this year would be the 20th year that it would be named M&T Bank Stadium and 25th year of the stadium overall. Honestly it feels good that they reached an agreement to extend that lease. When you think of the skyline in Charm City you think of a few things, the Inner Harbor, Fort McHenry, and of course Oriole Park at Camden Yards and M&T Bank Stadium. M&T, just like Camden Yards, is one of the better stadiums that was built in the 90s. Even though it’s overshadowed by some of the mega stadiums in the league the Bank is still one of the best places to watch an NFL game. And there’s no better atmosphere in the league when it comes to night games than the Almighty Blackout. Raven bros what do you think? Raven Brothers: Whistling (COOL! WE LOVE THE BANK!) Narrator: Just what I wanted to hear. I’m surprised the Salty Marylander hasn’t made any comments. Marylander: What’s up squad! Narrator: There he is. M&T’s lease got extended. Marylander: OH NICE! Love that place. Narrator: Agreed. As the draft is getting closer and closer, the focus has shifted to do the Ravens take another receiver? Or do they take a corner to pair with Marlon Humphrey? DeCosta made up his mind just 24 hours before selection time. If Jaxon Smith-Njigba or Zay Flowers was on the board, they would take them at 22. Once Lamar heard this, he made up his mind. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (Source: Jackson, Ravens reached 5 year $260M extension) Everyone: OH! MY! GOD! Marylander: WE WERE NEVER DEAD TO BEGIN WITH!!! PAUSE.
Narrator: Put all the trade and hold out rumors on SOS ladies and gentlemen! Lamar Jackson is staying in Baltimore for the next half a decade! You may be wondering how did this happen right on Draft Day? As mentioned earlier, DeCosta claimed that they would take a receiver in the 1st Round to appease Planet LJ. Lamar in response went on Social Media and announced that he would be coming back to the Ravens. See for yourselves; “You know for the few months, it’s been a lot of he said she said. Lotta nail biting, lotta head scratching going on. Well for the next five years, there’s a lotta Flock going on. Let’s go baby! Let’s go. Let’s go. Can’t wait to get there, can’t wait to be there, can’t wait to light up M&T for the next five years man. Let’s get it.” Raven Brothers: Whistling (No days off, always ready to attack. No fear in my heart, Charm City on my back. Big boy, not little boy, you wanna get smacked. We coming for the ring, ain’t no turning back.) Edgar: Whistling (Not bad for a running back, hit the hole and cut it back.) Allan: Whistling (You don’t want none of that, cut you like a thundercat.) Poe: Whistling (Out the ground or through the air, you know what we’re doing here.) Raven Brothers: Whistling (Light em up, shoot the flares, got my shades you can stare.) (They were quoting a Ravens hype video in 2019 by FreeState Workshop. Never gets old) Narrator: Another song skit boys. I love the energy. Even better news, now that Lamar is locked up long term, the Ravens have the potential to land DeAndre Hopkins in a trade with the Arizona Cardinals. By the time they were on the board at 22, they had 3 options. They could either take Zay Flowers, or take Joey Porter Jr, or trade that pick to the Cardinals for D-Hop. DeCosta chose option 1. Because he knew that the Ravens track record of trading away their 1st Round picks blowing up in their face had to be on his mind, and Lamar wants someone he can work with for the next 4-5 years. They got that. Flowers may be considered another Marquise Brown type player, but then again he’s a more physical receiver than Hollywood was, and if he went to Alabama or Ohio State Flowers of Bouquet as he’s now known as by Ravens fans on Twitter would have been a much higher pick.
The rest of the draft was an example of Baltimore taking the best player available with nearly every pick. Think Trenton Simpson, who is probably the heir apparent to Patrick Queen. Tavius Robinson is a physical freak who will be used as depth for the pass rush. Not bad for not having a 2nd Round pick. (DeCosta said that he had a great 2nd Round pick, that was Roquan Smith) Now the question that the Ravens will face will be who is going to be the wingman to Marlo in the defensive backfield. It appears that they are leaning towards resigning Marcus Peters, or signing Rock Ya-Sin depending on what happens with Juiceman. Honestly it’s a relief that the Ravens got the Lamar deal done, and added talent around him. Now they will be trotting out Jackson, Dobbins, Edwards, Andrews, OBJ, Bateman, Flowers, Duvernay, Aglohor, and Likely on offense plus a rock solid O-Line. Don’t mention the Antonio Brown tweet of him signing with the Ravens, it’s not going to be approved by EDC, and Ozzie and its wishful thinking. As long as Scott Elliott isn’t Steve Saunders they should be in good shape. The anticipation for Training Camp has been kicked into high gear. Not to mention all the insufferable Marylanders have begun their chest pumping and bravado early this year. Thank the Orioles and their 19-9 start for that honor. (And with the addition of some cheap fireworks at Camden Yards) Like the defense being overshadowed, so are the Charm City Beasts. Marylander: WE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPER BOWL! WE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPER BOWL! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Episode 21: Summer Vacation/Schedule Release
Narrator: You hear that sound. No more drama. No more uncertainty. No more anxiety. No more trade rumors. We can finally relax. We can sit back and enjoy the Ravens annual Beach Bash in Ocean City. I can lay in the sand and chill out with Poe. Is that right buddy? Poe: Whistling (Ah, I love this) Narrator: Same. Where are the others? Poe: Whistling (They rented a yacht, and are water tubing right now)
Allan: Whistling (THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!) Edgar: Whistling (Enjoying a snow cone in the sun while riding a yacht. Nothing like it) Allan: Whistling ( I need a break) Edgar: Whistling (Allan needs a rest) Marylander: Ok. My phone’s ringing. It’s the narrator. What up bro? Narrator: I see you three are water tubing near the Boardwalk. Marylander: Yes, Edgar, and Allan are having a blast. You and Poe plan on coming. Narrator: Sure, Poe brought his paddleboard with him so the two of us will meet you right around the Boardwalk. Marylander: Sounds great.
(1 HOUR LATER)
Narrator: Wow, you guys are so good looking. Edgar, I see you with the lifeguard gear. Edgar: Whistling (I was a lifeguard in OC during retirement so I know the score) Narrator: That’s cool. Now Allan, where did you get that scuba suit? Allan: Whistling (I also enjoy swimming especially in deep water?) Narrator: Sweet. And of course Poe is repping the Maryland Crabs swim suit I see. Poe: Whistling (Gotta be festive buddy) So what have you guys been up to while Poe and I were at a team Pep Rally in one of the bars? Marylander: Besides water tubing, Allan rented a jet ski, and he raced our boat and won. Narrator: Wow. How fast were you going? Edgar: Whistling (Our boat went 60 MPH, but Allan was going full speed ahead on the jet ski) Narrator: Holy Cow! Marylander: Not to mention Edgar went an entire hour without falling off the tube. Edgar: Whistling (The Salty Marylander plus a swarm of nearby dolphins tried flipping the tube over yet I still was able to hold on.) Marylander: Yeah, I was in awe of that. Narrator: Well Edgar is the fitness major of our crew so this isn’t surprising. Poe: Whistling (Can I go tubing?) Marylander: Sure Poe.
(20 MINUTES LATER)
Poe: Whistling (Weeeeeee! This is awesome!) Narrator: How’s Poe doing? Edgar: Whistling (Looks like he’s having a blast) Poe: Whistling (Slow down!) Narrator: Salty Marylander, Poe wants you to slow the boat down. How do you feel? Poe: Whistling (I feel good. Edgar, Allan, you want to join me) Edgar: Whistling (Alright let’s go) Narrator: Lets see how long the Raven Brothers can go without one of them falling?
(40 MINUTES LATER)
Raven Bros: Whistling (WEEEEEEEEEEE!) BOOM! Marylander: Look out! (SPLASH!) Narrator: Was that the swarm of dolphins you were talking about? Marylander: Yes! Raven Bros: Whistling (THAT WAS SO FUN!) Narrator: Can you guys get to the boat? Edgar/Poe: Whistling (Yes) Narrator: Now where’s Allan? Edgar: Whistling (I don’t know) Allan: Whistling (YEEEE HAA!) Narrator: And he’s riding a dolphin. Look at him! Marylander: We need to catch that dolphin and eat him for dinner! Poe, do the honors, but don’t land the fishing ore on your older brother. Poe: Whistling (AYE CAPTAIN!)
(A FEW MOMENTS LATER)
Allan: Whistling (Poe why did you just so happen to kill that dolphin I was riding) Poe: Whistling (We don’t like dolphins around here, especially since one of them destroyed our office last year) Allan: Whistling (Oh I forgot.) Marylander: Plus we need some dinner. So how bout grilled dolphin on a stick. Edgar: Whistling (DE-LICIOUS!) Narrator: Be lucky Allan that Poe’s ore didn’t hit you because Edgar would have had to swim all the way out there to save your life. Allan: Whistling (Ah, the relief) PAUSE.
Narrator: Now that we have the skit in Ocean City during Beach Bash out of the way, we now get to the headlines since the NFL Draft. First being the Schedule Release in early May. The biggest takeaway of the 2023 schedule is that the Boys in Purple have an absolutely brutal schedule away from home. 4 out of 5 on the road early in the season including 3 division games and a game in London. Marylander: UGH NOT LONDON! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK THERE! Edgar: Whistling (Don’t worry Salty Marylander, this time will be different.) Narrator: Plus I don’t think you or Allan ever got to go in 2017. Allan: Whistling (Oh that’s right. Poe didn’t bring us. Now we all get to go) Poe: Whistling (LOVE IT!) Narrator: Anyways let’s get back to the schedule. This year’s Blackout unlike most years isn’t going to be showcased on Sunday Night Football. But this time they’ll get the same opponent as last year, except this time it’ll be a Thursday Night Game. Raven Bros: Whistling (OOOOOOH! AAAAAAH!) (The Lamar and Taylor Rooks 1 on 1 that week will be spicy) And in December the Ravens have 3 night games on the road including one on Christmas Night in San Francisco, plus they end the season at home against Miami and Pittsburgh. Edgar: Whistling (Can the NFL please give us a home game on Christmas instead of making us travel across the country) Narrator: Edgar I’m with you. In the words of the Salty Marylander I want a Thanksgiving or Christmas Night Game in Baltimore BADLY! Marylander: I’m with you sir. Narrator: Another big headline was Odell Beckham Jr fitting right in with the Maryland Culture. At the Preakness this past May, OBJ was elected to call the riders up before the race began. And fittingly the horse that Planet LJ picked who just happened to be called National Treasure won in a close affair. Poe: Whistling (That’s who I picked too) Narrator: Good call Poe.
Just a few days before the Preakness, David Ojabo and Terrell Suggs got into a friendly argument. Ojabo asked T-Sizzle if he could wear #55. Suggs like most Ravens fans politely said no. (They learned from Marquise Brown taking Joe Flacco’s #5 in 2021) Ojabo then said at a press conference that week that he was cool with sticking with #90 in the long run. (As long as he plays like he did at Michigan he’ll be fine) The biggest debate of the offseason would be the bidding war for a player that Raven fans have been begging for since 2020. DeAndre Hopkins. Even after signing Odell Beckham, the fans plus the talking heads on 105.7 the Fan, and 98 Rock aren’t satisfied. They want more receivers darn it! (Can we just accept that Baltimore has other areas to fill, like Pass Rusher Depth, and Corner Depth) The reasoning was because as 410 Sports Talk Host Glenn Martin stated, “We can’t let Cleveland get their hands on him.” (I’m not sure if that’s the exact quote, but it was something like that) The Marylanders have been well aware of Jimmy Haslam drinking the stupid juice in getting big time players that look nice on paper. (Examples: OBJ before LA, Deshaun Watson, Baker Mayfield, Johnny Football) The reasoning that Cleveland is in the running is only because Hopkins was with Watson in Houston. (And D-Hop covered many of Watson’s flaws) Marylander: True. As long as he doesn’t go there or KC I’m fine with it. Narrator: If not the Ravens, where do you think he should go? Marylander: The Patriots because of Bill O’Brien now being there, and Belichick needs the new age Randy Moss. Narrator: Ok, I see you. You still think we should try and get him. Marylander: I hope so, but you’re right, we have other needs as well.
While the D-Hop sweepstakes have been brewing, the futures of both JK Dobbins and Patrick Queen are up in the air. Both of them are entering contract seasons, and if they play up to their potentials, they are more than likely getting extended. Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh made that clear during OTAs. (EDC, and Sashi agreed with that) Speaking of Queen, he, like Marlon Humphrey last year, got trolled by EA Sports in their Madden cover reveal video. The video featured both he and Geno Stone getting run over by Madden 24 Cover Athlete Josh Allen. Luckily for PQ and Stone, his teammates would have their backs. Marlo stated that he was motivated by getting run over by Nick Chubb in the reveal video last year, and he hopes that Queen and Stone will do the same. (Humphrey didn’t allow a TD all season last year. That’s how you know he was mad) Marcus Williams told Kay Adams in a 1 on 1 interview that he too was also fired up by EA poking their defense. (To be fair that company is run by Yinzers despite being located in Orlando and LA) Allan: Whistling (Leave our boys alone EA Sports) Narrator: You get em Allan. They need some sense put into them. Finally comes a debate on ESPN between two Yinzers about who the biggest threat to the Chiefs in the AFC would be. Ryan Clark, despite being an LSU alumni member, former Steeler, and supporter of Burrow and Chase chose the Boys in Purple. His reasoning was because of Planet LJ being back long term, the additions of OBJ, Todd Monken, and Zay Flowers, plus the vaunted SOS Squad on defense. But to the surprise of no one in Charm City, Stephen A Smith countered by saying Cincinnati because they, unlike the Ravens, have proven to be trouble to Kansas City. Marylander: I would agree with Stephen A, but why would I support the Bungles Who Cried Wolf? Narrator: The Bungles Who Cried Wolf. When have I heard that before? Edgar: Whistling (He said that during the NFL Postseason Preview last season) Narrator: Oh that’s right. Marylander: You want to know something about their fans? Narrator: Sure. Marylander: They dubbed themselves, WIN-CINNATI!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (You have no rings and go 30 years without a playoff win. Then you dub yourselves Win-cinnati after 2 years of lucky circumstances. Delusional and Insufferable at the same time) PAUSE.
Narrator: The Raven Brothers were right. The Boys in Purple are on the way back up towards the top yet the media and a fanbase that is turned into #Sacksonville 2.0 has no trust in them. Raven Bros: Whistling (BUT WE DON’T CARE AT ALL!) Narrator: Will they be right, who knows. But until then the insufferability of Marylanders both in the NFL and MLB will continue to reign supreme. Just another day’s work in the exciting series that is Charm City Beasts. Marylander: WE’RE GHANTA SUPER BOWL AND WORLD SERIES! (Can Tampa Bay please stop winning, IT’S THE YEAR OF THE B-MORE BIRDS DARN IT!)
Epilogue:
Tonight on the season finale of Charm City Beasts, a season full of high expectations goes south but there is a silver lining. The worst-case scenario hasn’t happened to the Boys in Purple. They will not be the punching bag that they were in the 1990s. Lamar Jackson isn’t going anywhere, the receiver room has improved heading into the 2023 season. OBJ and Zay Flowers are excited to take the division by storm. Todd Monken is set to unlock an element that hasn’t been seen since 2019. The O-Line should be solid yet again. The Defensive Front has breakout candidates all over the field. Roquan Smith is in his prime as is Patrick Queen. Odafe Oweh, and David Ojabo look to take the next step. Marlon Humphrey is also in prime form. The competition for CB2 should be juicy between Rock Ya-Sin and Brandon Stephens should be fun. Marcus Williams and Kyle Hamilton are about to go off. JT will be JT as will Jordan Stout. And John Harbaugh will be determined to get over the hump. Season 4 is right around the corner as AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Raven Bros: Whistling (TIME TO GET WET BUDDY!) Narrator: Theres also the rascals and the Salty Marylander being hyped up like they always are. You got me good with the water guns. Anyways enjoy the rest of your summer, because September 10 will be here before you know it. Go Ravens!
Bragging Rights Sports 