“The 24th Day of December, in the 2022nd year of the creation of the Lord. The 16th Week of the 103rd year of the NFL. The 15th game of the 27th season of the Ravens, and the 7th game of the season at M&T Bank Stadium. The 45th year from the Ghost to the Post, and the 166th game from the Super Bowl in New Orleans. The 459th game in franchise history. The 205th game played at the Bank, and the coldest game in the history of Baltimore Sports. The 258th game, in the era of Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. The 293rd year from the foundation of the Charm City. The 323rd game of the Bisciotti regime, and the 67th game during the reign of the Emperor DeCosta. The 7th meeting all-time between the Ravens and Falcons, and the 3rd inside the Bank. On this day, with a 7 degree windchill, and 20 MPH winds, optimism that was gone last week in Cleveland after scoring just 3 points, against the worst run defense in the league has returned. The BaltImore Ravens despite their flaws and frustration they’ve received all over the country, with the future of the organization in doubt, and facing no tomorrow, HAVE A CHANCE TO CLINCH A SPOT IN THE PLAYOFFS, AND RESTORE FESTIVUS SEASON, WITH EXCITEMENT MADE FLESH! The 14th Maryland Playoff Festivus, ACCORDING TO THE FLESH! (BIG TRUZZ!)”
(Advent Spiral playing)
Bragging Rights Sports Presents:
A Maryland Culture Production
“The Winter Storm is a bird of prey, it soars in formation high above the bay, with a haunting caw, it pieces on, like a dagger every Sunday.
The Winter Storm is a Raven, relentless when it hunts, from dusk till dawn the Flock is strong, no surrender until the day is won. Only this and NOTHING MORE!”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens
A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US!
DON’T USE THE P WORD!
Lamar Jackson, Tyler Huntley, Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker, Marlon Humphrey, Marcus Peters, Roquan Smith, Calais Campbell, Justin Houston, JK Dobbins, John Harbaugh, Eric DeCosta, Greg Roman, Mike Macdonald, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, Edgar, Allan, with Poe, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.
Location: M&T Bank Stadium Opponent: Atlanta Falcons
Season 3 Episode 15: The 14th Maryland Festivus (SOS ATL)
WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US!? NOOOOOBODY!
Narrator: Doesn’t that opening feel appropriate for this particular weekend? Well the Ravens know what is at stake. Coming off a disaster in the Dawg Pound, they still control their own destiny. All they need to do is win on Christmas Eve and they’re in the playoffs. The problem is that there is drama coming out of the locker between Greg Roman and Tyus Bowser. Bowser posted a tweet of a Ravens fan writing a piece of paper that said “Fire Roman.” Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh found this out and told the linebacker to apologize to the Roman Empire. Both sides were able to work this out, and Tyus did say that this was a mistake. Sometimes social media can get in players’ heads. The next question this week would be around the health of Planet LJ. Lamar is still not at practice although hasn’t ruled him out of a Week 17 return against the rival Steelers. Jackson said on Twitter that he is doing everything he can to get back on the field despite the bad knee. Even if trolls on the internet think he’s holding out, he still has that fire in his eyes to try and fight another day. As for now, the starting role will still be in the hands of Tyler Huntley. Even if he struggled against Cleveland, Snoop stated this week that he would take more chances down the field. I know some fans want them to only run the ball, but in the NFL, you have to keep teams guessing. The biggest news of the week was that Devin Duvernay broke his foot in practice and is now out for the season. Without both of their top receivers, things look bleak. Marylander: I got it, LOOK EVERYONE! SAMMY WATKINS! HE’S BACK! Narrator: Um, not sure what to think, but it could work out. They need as much reinforcements as possible even if they backfire. Hold on a second. Your attention please, are there any Raven Brothers in need of refreshments. Edgar: Whistling (Hot Chocolate) Allan: Whistling (Snow Cone) Poe: Whistling (Smores) On it. (Hot Chocolate from the Polar Express playing) Marylander: Snow Cone for you Allan, Hot Chocolate for you Edgar, and some Smores for you Poe. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Thanks Salty Marylander) Narrator: You boys are so funny. Enjoying some holiday food with a mix of ugly Christmas sweaters. Edgar, I see you went with Hanukkah for your sweater theme. Edgar: Whistling (I feel so cozy in it) Narrator: Allan you got a Christmas Tree in yours. Allan: Whistling (Ho, Ho, Ho) Narrator: And look at Poe, he is still wearing his Ravens holiday sweater like he always does. Poe: Whistling (I wanted a new one, but I must rep my team) Narrator: There you go, Poe. I mean you guys are in the holiday spirit in a big way. It can only get better if they can get in the playoffs.
Speaking of which, the Boys in Purple got help in the playoff picture. The Jaguars on Thursday Night blew out the Jets and broke Zach Wilson and all of North Jersey. And even if they extended their winning streak the Bengals knocked off the Patriots in bizarre fashion. So it makes things that much easier for Baltimore on this Christmas Eve. As for their opponent it just happens to be a team that is facing a rebuild yet still has false hope because they’re in the NFC South. The Atlanta Falcons. A team that was supposed to be one of the biggest tanks in the NFL this year, has actually put together a feel good season. Even if they are 5-9, the Falcons have one of the best running games in the league and Desmond Ridder, who many say is their QB of the future, is now starting in place of the injured Marcus Mariota. The only thing for the Ravens that’s tricky about this matchup is they are facing their old DC in Dean Pees. The man that broke the hearts of this fanbase both with the Ravens and against them. Now he’s the last man standing between them and a playoff berth. Luckily for the Ravens they would get a huge advantage from the Football Gods. Normally dome or warm weather teams struggle in sub freezing conditions. And with a Siberian Freeze hitting the East Coast, things just got harder for the squad coming from the ATL. The game time temperature was 17 degrees with the windchill at 2. Thus making it the coldest game in M&T Bank Stadium History. That didn’t stop the Salty Marylander from not wearing a winter coat for this game. (He had 10-12 layers underneath his Lamar T-Shirt) Anyways let’s get to the action. Both teams’ defenses would come out firing on their first possessions. Both Dean Pees and Mike Macdonald were in a chess match for bragging rights and to see who is the smarter coordinator. So far the upper hand has gone to Mike Man as Pees zone scheme was exposed on a 40 yard pass from Huntley to Watkins. Even if they went no further and got a field goal the Ravens were clearly in control of the game. Desmond Ridder, despite his dual threat abilities that he showcased at Cincinnati last year was running for his life thanks to being chased down by Roquan and PQ. The foundation of the Atlanta offense was being neutralized early on. Baltimore was given a chance to open the game up, but that would be put on hold as Justin Tucker’s 55 yarder was blocked. I won’t go hard on that one, trying a 55 yarder towards the West Endzone is already a death sentence especially on a day like this. (Well they were in no man’s land, and if anyone can overcome the conditions it’s JT)
The weather which was playing a big role in this game got even tougher. Not only was kicking hard in the cold, but throwing the ball was just as tough. Look at a 4th and 5 attempt by the Falcons on their next drive. On a warm day they would have completed a 40 yard bomb to Damiere Byrd. Instead the wind took the ball and it was nowhere near him. The Ravens would obviously take advantage of the short field by driving it deep into enemy territory. But their vaunted running game would be stuffed at the 10 yard line thanks to a nice defensive stand. Now it’s 6-0. But once again Arthur Smith went to the stakes table. He went for it near mid-field again. And this time they converted with a pass to Drake London… Marylander: BUT IT’S A FUMBLE! (Long live the return of Fruit Punch) Narrator: That play is the Falcons season in a nutshell. A clear path to something greater than they dreamed, only for it to be taken away. And not only that, but JK Dobbins was about to be unleashed. He was finally able to find holes in the Atlanta defense. And then something great happened. The Ravens for the first time since Week 3 had a TD catch from a Wide Receiver as DeMarcus Robinson climbed the imaginary ladder to make the catch in the back in the back of the East Endzone. And they’ll get the 2 point conversion thank you very much. 14-0 lead late in the half, I like what I see. Even as the Falcons storm back for a field goal before halftime. Optimism is high in Baltimore. The 2nd Half would be a test for the Ravens defense. Atlanta was able to make adjustments in the running game. Tyler Allgeier who was shut down in the 1st Half was finally able to flash his potential as their go to back. It took them 14 plays to get to the Baltimore 13 yard line. Then Cordarrelle Patterson made a spectacular play to score a touchdown. BEEP! “Holding, Offense #17, 10 yard penalty, replay 2nd Down.” Too bad that was a great play and potential momentum turner. (Normally it’s the Ravens that get hit with those calls, not on this day) At least they have a beast at kicker in Younghoe Koo. He may not be Tucker but he’s a solid player nonetheless. Now its an 8 point game at 14-6. Luckily for the fans that are surviving the Siberian Freeze outside, the Ravens offense made another push towards opening up the game. Both Gus Edwards and JK Dobbins were finding space in the Atlanta defense. The only downside is that the Falcons manned up when they needed to inside the 10, and forced Tucker to kick another field goal. And just like they did on their first drive of the 2nd Half, Atlanta would attack the Ravens Run D. Allgeier was getting small but important gains to keep those chains moving. The 2nd time in this half, the Falcons would mount a 10 plus play drive. But once again, Mike Man and his defense despite missing Marcus Peters and Calais Campbell would buckle them down again. On three straight plays, Ridder and company could only manage 2 yards. Now comes the ultimate do or die play for the visitors. A chance to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. “Ridder hands it off to Allgeier, there is a flag, they finally bring Allgeier to the ground.” Ok what’s the penalty? “Illegal motion, Offense #46.” (SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT!) The defensive stand of the season! That right there may have just punched the Ravens ticket into the playoffs! Even if they couldn’t run out the clock, Baltimore made sure that Atlanta would have to score a TD and 2 point conversion to force OT by holding them to a field goal on their next drive. Marylander: Listen to me, Roman. All you need is a single 1st Down and you’re in the playoffs. POUND THAT ROCK! “It would not necessarily be a bad thing for the Ravens if the Patriots come back and win the game as far as the division is concerned and here’s a 1st Down from Gus Edwards.” There you go boys. That’s how it’s done, and with this victory the Maryland Festivus has returned after a year hiatus.
Ravens QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): I would feel more optimistic about their chances, but there’s plenty of uncertainty due to injuries at WR, the inconsistency on offense and the status of Lamar, Calais, and Marcus Peters being unknown. But hey if there’s anything this team knows how to do its thrive in the playoffs as underdogs especially with the defense they have. Overall they should be fine. PAUSE.
Just as the Salty Marylander predicted. He said back in June that the Ravens would clinch a playoff spot on Christmas Eve and he could celebrate it deep into the night. And guess what? They did. So obviously, the fine for the P word is off once again. So with 2 games left to go, the Boys in Purple still have a lot of questions that need to be answered. With each of their last games being in the division we have a chance to see how good this squad really is. Even if they may not be in 1st place all they have to do is beat Pittsburgh in Week 17 and force a winner take all showdown in Week 18 in Cincinnati on Sunday Night Football for the AFC North Title. I don’t think its time to hide from the fact that a Super Bowl berth is still in the picture. We as Raven fans need to be bold and brash, we probably will be on the road for most of if not all of the playoffs, but now we need to recognize that we are a playoff team with a couple of games to go. But Baltimore needs to act like a playoff team and realize that just getting there is great, but that’s not our ultimate goal. Your job is to make a run at the big game, and that’s the price you must pay when you play or cheer for the Ravens. With Lamar Jackson’s status being up in the air there are rumors that say he could return for the showdown against the Steelers next week, if he does return its a huge boost because they won’t be super one dimensional than they already are. All Jackson has to do is let the game come to him when he returns. How can things get more chaotic? BOOM! (Ravens vs Steelers Week 17 game flexed to Sunday Night Game) Marylander: OOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEES! Primetime Football at the Bank in the Ultimate Rivalry. GET ME TICKETS NOW! Narrator: Alright, just don’t beat that drum all week, if you’re going you better dress warm. Marylander: Are you crazy, its going to be 60 degrees this weekend. I’m going no sleeves for this one like I did for the Blackout and Panthers games. Narrator: Alright, but at least bring a sweatshirt just in case. Marylander: I gotcha buddy. Narrator: Anyways, the Raven Brothers have something they’d like to say. Raven Brothers: Whistling (Deck the Jagoffs, out of the playoffs, Fa La La La La La! La La La La!) (Jagoff Definition: A stupid, irritating, or contemptible person, aka most of Yinzer Mob. But YouTuber UrinatingTree in particular likes it) Narrator: Ok boys, just don’t say that word again, you hear me. Poe: Whistling (Yes buddy) Anyways enjoy the rest of your holiday season, as Charm City Beasts will return next week in front of the Greatest Show in the NFL. Sunday Night Football at M&T BANK STADIUM! Happy Festivus Everyone! R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Bragging Rights Sports 