49ers vs Seahawks: Brock Purdy Mania! That and suffocating Niners defense has been roaring over anything that stands in their path. Seattle just happens to be the next victim. The Seahawks may have a feel good story going for them but four losses in five games will undo them. It mostly has nothing to do with them, their good karma was used up and they’ve had a brutal schedule as of late. Even without Deebo Samuel, San Francisco did whatever they pleased. Purdy yes has been the talk and rightfully so, but when you have CMC and Kittle, all you need to do is let them do their thing. They’ve now won seven straight games and it gives them one reward and one reward only. The NFC West Title.
49ers QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): Who thought that they’d be this good despite a massive QB controversy? Trey Lance, Jimmy G, who cares they are winning games with the last pick in this year’s draft, and a great supporting cast around him. A very dangerous team going into the playoffs. Good work Shanahan, I’ll lay off for now.
Colts vs Vikings: FOOTBALL FOLLIES! THE GAME! Nothing screams chaos more than the scriptwriters of the NFL coming up with this excuse of a game. Really Vikings. You looked past your opponent AGAIN! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA DO THIS! This team is 10-3? That’s only because they play in a weak division thanks to the Packers shooting themselves in the foot, and the Lions getting off to a 1-6 start. Look at this. They are down 33-0 at halftime against a team that has long been dead. You guys are frauds, GO IN THE PRETENDERS ROOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! WHAT IS GOING ON! PAUSE.
So it turns out that Minnesota wasn’t looking past their opponent. All they needed was to make adjustments and pull off the Greatest Comeback in NFL History. Lovely. You know what makes this even more impressive. The Vikings not only overcame that deficit, but some of the worst REFBALL of the entire season. They took away two TDs from the Vikes because the officials don’t know what a fumble is. (We had the same thing in Baltimore four weeks ago against Carolina) Luckily for the fans in attendance, Kirk Cousins overcame a bad 1st Half, and carved up the Colts. You know what’s funny. This isn’t the 1st time that Indianapolis blew a 3 score lead in the 4th Quarter recently. Last year on Monday Night Football they blew a 22-3 lead against the Ravens after 3 Quarters only to lose in overtime. It was that game, not the Jacksonvillie game that cost them a playoff spot. Even when they think they have the game won, Jeff Saturday gets in his own way. This man really has potential. What is ESPN even seeing? And as a result… “And the kick is good! It’s a winner, at US Bank Stadium!” The ultimate choke, Colts congratulations you just gave Vikings fans the false hope that they can actually win their 1st Super Bowl, SIKE SIKE IRSAY RIDES A BIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT A FLASHLIGHT!
Colts ELIMINATED (NO SOUP FOR YOU INDIANAPOLIS!): The game when the clowns showed up in Jacksonville last year broke them. They haven’t recovered from it, and Frank Reich was run out of town because of it. You know what’s ridiculous. The Colts have invested so much into the QB over the last five years, and they still are struggling. This is why they will be mediocre and underwhelming as long as the Irsays are in control. Jim has fallen into the same traps that doomed his late father in the 1970s. Poor Jeff Saturday, he doesn’t deserve being under the business of the glue factory. One more thing. Vikings, here’s your NFC North Title.
Vikings QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): Even with the Greatest Comeback Ever, they still have their doubters, and no one is giving them a chance. Well with a game like this, it usually leads to a miracle run. Lets just hope for their sake it carries over. I’ve seen this with several teams over the years.
Ravens vs Browns: I’m not in the mood for putting this into Charm City Beasts. It would be full of rage and anger and some clips would be edited out because the Salty Marylander would be saying things that aren’t appropriate for this document. This was pure agony. The Ravens dominated the Browns in nearly every phase of the game which is weird to say recently because normally it’s Cleveland that does that yet somehow crumbles in the end. Well Baltimore undid them today. I said it in 2020 and it pains me to say it again. Justin Tucker in big games is a massive liability. Despite everything he has done in his Hall of Fame career, JT has come up soft in big spots ever since longtime Special Teams Coach Jerry Rosberg left. In this game he missed 2 field goals which came back to haunt them in the end. Those 4 straight playoff games with missed field goals wasn’t a fluke after all. (That and turning the ball over 4 times in Browns territory) The worst part about this game is that the Browns somehow think they can make the playoffs with this. The only way that happens is if the Boys in Purple somehow mess this up and Harbaugh gets the Billick treatment. He and Greg Roman got beat at their own game whether they deserve blame or not. Many are calling them the worst 9-5 team ever, but didn’t these same people say this 10 years ago only to get burned. I know it’s not the same team but if there is one thing that this league has taught us is that any team can win. Don’t worry Johnny, all you have to do is beat the Falcons at home next week and you’re in the playoffs. You won’t mess this up, right? (I’m going to that game. If you lose that game considering how cold it’s going to be and you are facing your old DC, I WILL NEVER LET YOU HEAR THE END OF IT!)
Dolphins vs Bills: I didn’t realize that the Dolphins believed that SoFi was cold, now they get to face BillsMafia in a winter storm with their fading hopes of a division title on the line. And even more challenging is that Buffalo wants revenge for that hot and humid day in Week 3. Fortunately for Miami, the hard snow that was expected all night hasn’t come yet. Key word is yet. Even with the Mafia throwing snowballs at Tyreek Hill, the Dolphins are putting up a good fight. Even with an 8 deficit they found a way to tie it up. Shoot, they even have the lead going into the 4th Quarter. They just strip sacked Josh Allen. Oh my god the impossible is going to happen again. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (Winter Wonderland playing) But the Football Gods wanted to throw a pie in the face of Stephen Ross. Here comes the snow and Buffalo has unlocked their talents and abilities. Not even the heroics of Tua can save the Fish. The Bills marched into field goal range and ended it with a Tyler Bass game winner. Too bad Miami, you put up a solid fight only to come up short in the end. You at least control your own destiny, you aren’t gonna let a team like Cleveland, or the Jets in right? Forget about that, Buffalo is in the playoffs again.
Bills QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): The most predictable outcome of the preseason has occurred, BillsMafia getting into January football. But it won’t be easy for them especially since Von Miller is out for the year. At least the J-Gun Attack is still there. The McKinley Curse will hit them again, won’t it.
Lions vs Jets: Two teams going opposite directions. The Lions are on a hot streak and creeping up in the Wild Card race, the Jets have a QB controversy that has no end in sight, especially since Mike White is out due to injury. Now they must rely on Zach Wilson to get them to the playoffs. For Wilson this may be his last shot at avoiding the long line of Jets QBs being teased. Detroit takes an early lead, but Wilson is at least putting together a decent game. But then he threw it in the trash by throwing a pick when no one was out there. A defensive slaughter to see who will keep their hopes alive. The ButtFumble may have the lead, but the Lions are trying to pull off a comeback. Can they do it? “Trying to keep this drive alive, Goff, little pitch to Wright, big gain, Brock Wright, is gonna take it the distance! Wow, what a play. And with that, Detroit now leads by 3. But the Jets are going to make one last effort of extending this game into OT. Wilson completed a 4th and 18 pass to the opposing 40 yard line, there’s no way Greg Zuerlein is missing a 58 yarder with the wind. “From 58 yards away, Zuerleins kick, NO GOOD! THE LIONS HOLD ON!” The New York Jets! This is a vintage Jets moment and all their false hope from the Buffalo game in Week 9 is gone. That’s what happens when you put all your eggs into a team like this. And now they’re playoff hopes are in shreds. The Lions meanwhile are a half game back of the 7th seed in the NFC. As a wiseman once said, there are times when (Censored…………….) Too bad.
Steelers vs Panthers: Carolina of all teams has a chance to take the lead in their division. The Carolina Panthers, who fired their coach, and traded their best player are within a win of 1st place. I take that back because the Steelers needed to make sure that Mike Tomlin’s streak of not having a losing record is still intact. Even without Kenny Pickett, they were able to tow the line. It also helps that their pass rush finally played up to their potential, but that’s more to do with playing against Sam Darnold than anything else. The interesting thing is that this may have been the best game that Pittsburgh has played all year. Too bad it came when they are almost all but out of the playoffs. The winning season streak is still in the air going into next week’s game with the Raiders. The ride never ends, Yinzers. (More on that game later)
Falcons vs Saints: The Falcons and Saints, two teams that just want the season to end considering what those groups have been hit with. Atlanta now has to start Desmond Ridder in place of the injured Marcus Mariota. He was thrown into the fire of the Superdome for all to see. The Saints took advantage and jumped out to a 14-0 lead. Thank you very much. But even when they try to put away the game, New Orleans fails to do even that. That’s right with a 21-10 lead the Saints can’t make this comfortable on themselves. It’s now a 3 point game, I wonder if Dennis Allen will survive the wonders of Bourbon Street. (YoYo Sound) But then Drake London had butterfingers and fumbled the ball with 2 minutes. New Orleans holds on and avoids elimination. You know what’s bad. These squads still have a chance to win the division because Tampa Bay is a mess. Thus the great circle of life.
Eagles vs Bears: I’m not surprised that this wasn’t a blowout. Matt Eberflus vs Nick Sirriani, two former assistants in Indianapolis in a chess match for bragging rights. The Bears may already be eliminated but don’t tell that to the coaching staff. Chicago played a hard fought game yet lost because their O-Line got eaten all day by the Philly pass rush. Six sacks. 12 in the last two games for the Birds. That’s outstanding. Another element on a team that has been lording over the entire NFL. That and Jalen Hurts rushing for three TDs. Philadelphia is now one win from home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and the NFL’s version of the Presidents Trophy. I do have bad news for Eagles fans. BOOM! Jalen Hurts is injured, he’ll be out against Dallas on Christmas Eve. Even with Gardiner Minshew they should be able to win, right?
Chiefs vs Texans: The Texans haven’t won a game since Week 5. The longest losing streak in football for a reason. But considering how crazy this season has been across the NFL, what better way for them trying to end their streak by going toe-to-toe with Kansas City of all teams. In a game where their stadium was dominated by the fans of their opponents. Even with a cakewalk game on paper, the Chiefs played down to their competition in every asset. Davis Mills finally had a good game. And the Texans defense was taking advantage of the Chiefs being way too sloppy. You know what drives their fanbase crazy, the fact that this game went into overtime because Harrison Butker somehow missed a kick inside 50 yards. But don’t worry Chiefs Kingdom, High End Talent will bail you out of this mess. “OH HE FUMBLED THE BALL! IT’S LOOSE! IT’S LOOSE! THE TEXANS JUMPED ON THE BALL! NO! KANSAS CITY HAS IT!” That’s right Houston fumbles it deep in their own end, and now the Chiefs can end the game. And they did because Jerrick McKinnon took it to the house on the next play. The Chiefs win the game and their version of the participation trophy. That is the AFC West.
Chiefs QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): This is why you never can count your eggs until they’re hatched, ESPN. For all those that picked them to miss the playoffs, eat your words. Never the might of Andy Reid and Mahomes. Because they’ll beat you no matter who they have. All they need now is another AFC Title game at home. (If they get that, this league is rigged)
Cowboys vs Jaguars: Dallas barely escaped Houston last week in a close affair. Now they must travel to Jacksonville to face a team looking to make a statement. So far the Cowboys have escaped the claws of Duval. Dak Prescott despite a few bad throws here and there has been solid all day. Even if the running game has been slow over the past 2 games, they’re up 27-10 on the road and chasing the Eagles in their division. This should be enough to hold on right? BOOOOOOOM! Sis now you know how I felt a couple of weeks ago with Trevor Lawrence. Just like he did against the Ravens, he and Zay Jones carved up a Top 5 defense in a span of 6 minutes. The Jaguars went from being down 17 to being up by 4 in a span of 6 minutes. But then Dallas had to respond because that’s who they are. Even if Lawrence is driving down the field again they must feel the wrath of Jerry. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Once again the Cowboys defense makes the big play and knocks the ball away from Lawrence. That’s the good news, the bad news is that they failed to run out the clock. Jacksonville gets the ball back, and kicks a field goal to send the game into OT. (How many overtime games are we getting this week?) The Jags get the ball first, and do little with it. How will Dak respond? “Prescott throws backwards, and it’s Intercepted! Jenkins has another one! Racing down the sidelines! RAYSHAWN JENKINS IS GONNA WIN IT!” Another game for Dallas with McCarthyism written all over it. This time it was in the wrong direction. Just like in the Baltimore game, the Jaguars ripped the souls out of a conference heavyweight. Now they are a game back of Tennessee for the division lead. Oh my goodness they may pull a 2021 Bengals after all. Thank god its the Jets not doing it.
Bengals vs Buccaneers: This game was a tragedy to the entire city of Tampa. I still can’t believe that the Buccaneers lost this game. They had a 17-0 lead at home. Tom Brady never blows that lead. Heck their defense was making Joe Burrow look like a rookie in the 1st Half. Cincy may be blowing their chance to take over the division. BOOOOOOOM! But then Todd Bowles happened. Cincy didn’t win this game, they were the benefactors of the Bucs blowing every chance they had. Five turnovers in a row, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! With that much talent on offense. Yes Anarumu is a mad scientist but if Arians is coaching in this game, Tampa Bay wins. Cincinnati scored 34 unanswered points from the end of the 1st Half on. That just shows you how bad the NFC South is. Bengals, you were given the division lead by default because Greg Roman and Todd Bowles became idiots. How are the Buccaneers leading their division again? (Now I must deal with Ohio fans badgering me. Not just the Bengals, the Cavs, Browns and Buckeyes)
Cardinals vs Broncos: Tank Bowl, well roll the footage. (Roundball Rock playing) Russell Wilson is out due to injury. The earth has ended in the minds of Broncos Country. All the hype on them beating Patrick Mahomes in the offseason is not only dead, it’s gotten worse. But how is Brett Rypien doing a better job than Russ? Well you can thank the Cardinals for being a mess that too. Arizona not only has to deal with Kyler being out for the year, but now Colt McCoy has a concussion. Enter the legend of State College in Trace McSorley. Not even his hype song by MattyFresh could save him. Denver rarely tried yet still blew them out. And guess what their GM Steve Keim is taking a leave of absence because of health issues. I don’t blame him. This organization is a mess, and it’s only getting worse with Kyler and Hollywood contracts. That and Kingsbury is stuck there for another five years. You know what this means, there will not be a team playing in a home Super Bowl for the first time since 2019.
Cardinals ELIMINATED (NO SOUP FOR YOU ARIZONA!): Who knew that bringing in a guy that had been fired from Texas Tech would fail miserably. They may not have a choice but to blow it up, but there is a catch. Cap Hell is coming in the offseason. Why did you trade for Marquise Brown again? This is why you draft Tyler Linderbaum Cardinals, because Kyler is getting killed out there and he needs an O-Line.
Patriots vs Raiders: What did I just see? WHAT DID I JUST SEE! This game made no sense at all. Yes it was the Hoodie against his right hand man, but it didn’t seem that way early on. The Raiders as expected jumped out to another double digit lead. 17-3 to be exact. But then Vegas forgot how to play football. Thank an incredible Pick Six, and Derek Carr getting beat up by the Patriots pass rush as to why their lead vanquished. New England scored 21 unanswered points to take the lead. But the Raiders need a spark. And they got it! Keenan Cole made a great catch in the endzone and we’re tied at 24. Another overtime game? How many are there gonna be this week? Unless something crazy happens. “Stevenson goes inside the 30, flips it back, Stanford Band nowhere in sight, it’s picked off, UNBELIEVABLE! INCREDIBLE! Chandler Jones takes it in, AND WINS THE GAME FOR THE RAIDERS!” Jakobi Myers just made one of the worst plays in league history. I get that he may have thought they were losing, I don’t blame him, BUT JUST GET DOWN AND GO TO OT! I shouldn’t be raging. Here’s what I should be doing… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Lucky for me, it helps the Ravens in the playoff standings. Thus the laughter)
Titans vs Chargers: The Chargers have all the false hope inside their space age world. Their foes in the Wild Card race are stumbling, and now they get to face a Titans team in a collapse. Especially since Ryan Tannehill is banged up badly. But for some reason the Bolts couldn’t pull away in this one. Yes the Titans D has some talent, but for a team that has greater ambitions, I just can’t buy it. This was an ugly game. From start to finish. Two teams that are worse than their records but all the talking heads will put that aside because of Justin Herbert and LA. I knew this was the kind of game that the Chargers would have trouble closing out. We’ve seen this year after year after year. And to the surprise of no one, Tennessee ties it up at 14. But wait a minute. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Whenever they don’t choke an easy game, San Diego’s ex must be bailed out by elite talent. This game was no different. And with this epic comeback thanks to a last second field goal and heroics from Herbert, the Bolts now have the 6th seed in the AFC. Yes it’s undeserving but don’t tell that to the media. Titans uh things are getting rough out there. They only lead the AFC South by a single game. And the Jags own tiebreaker. If you lose to Houston next week, there is no way you are recovering from that. And I mean it. (Out-Chargering the Chargers, WHAT THE HELL)
Giants vs Commanders: The last time these two teams met, the game ended in a tie. Tonight we will have a winner. We just don’t know who it is yet. The Giants and Commanders tied for 6th seed in the NFC and whoever wins is most likely going to the postseason. For the G-Men this is huge. They’ve struggled as of late, but all of that can change with a win. Early on Wink Martindale’s defense beat up Taylor Heinicke as Kayvon Thibodeau pulled off the quadfecta to give his team the lead. In fact Saquan Barkley was finally taken out of the cage. He can roam like he did at Penn State and early in the season. Speaking of the Nittany Lions, Jahan Dotson is on the other side, and he, like Saquan, had a big game as well. Even as they get back in the game, Washington gets screwed on a 2 point play and then misses the extra point. Oh you made a long drive deep in Giant territory, too bad because the G-Men stopped you at the 5 with yet another fumble. But wait a minute, the Commies are making one last charge to try and send this game to OT. They even scored a TD to cut it to 2 pending the conversion. BEEP! “Illegal Formation, Offense #17.” What, am I hearing that right. They got called for illegal formation? Ok they at least have another chance to right the wrong. “Heinicke to the endzone, and (GAME OVER YEAH!) INCOMPLETE!” Here come the conspiracy theories of Dan Synder and the Damn Good Culture! As much as I hate them they do have a point. They believe that the NFL was doing everything in their power to have the Giants win so that a New York team would make the playoffs. They’re absolutely right. There’s no way that this league wants the Commanders in the playoffs over the crop of the Big Apple. Not with the controversy that Snyder has faced. And with this game the Dallas Cowboys have made it back to the playoffs.
Cowboys QUALIFIED (HOORAY!): I would feel optimistic about them, but they have some things they need to clean up. Yes there’s still time to do so but the pressure will be on for them to fix them. Will this be the year they overcome the narratives, or will they once again fail to make it past the 2nd Round.
Rams vs Packers: The Rams are facing a death sentence. Not with their fleeting playoff hopes but they face the factor of a warm weather playing in Lambeau. A place where the Rams especially during their time in LA have been victimized by the mystique. The Packers may not be the juggernaut they were but they played like it on this night. I also have a feeling that the Football Gods were tired of the drama and hype from Baker over the past week. So they decided to give us Green Bay keeping their false hope alive. They may have a rough finish, but don’t tell that to Aaron Rodgers. He still believes that they can not only make the playoffs but make noise in them. Yes they don’t deserve to be there, but hey go ahead and do it. As for the Rams we need to talk. And I mean it, but first I must send you to the elimination room for this.
Rams ELIMINATED (NO SOUP FOR YOU RAMS!)” Let me clear, you don’t trade your 1st Round picks especially if you’ve done that for almost a decade, because sooner or later they will bite you in the ass. This is a lesson that GMs must learn no matter what league this is. Thank god you won that ring or you’d be the NFL’s version of the Vegas Golden Knights. F-Them-Picks. Well guess what, this is why you must maintain them, because if you stink you can’t get elite players to fill the void.
The playoff race is getting tight now we must go over the bracket.
AFC
- Bills
- Chiefs
- Bengals
- Titans
- Ravens
- Chargers
- Dolphins
NFC
- Eagles
- Vikings
- 49ers
- Buccaneers
- Cowboys
- Giants
- Commanders
Clinching scenarios
Buffalo: Win over Bears OR Dolphins loss
Cincinnati: Win over Patriots
Baltimore: Win over Falcons + Patriots/Jets losses
LA Chargers: Win over Colts + Raiders/Patriots/Jets losses
NY Giants: Win over Vikings + Commanders/Lions losses
What’s the rule? DON’T GET ELIMINATED!
Sidenote: Before we wrap up I have a sad announcement to make. This week the NFL lost a Giant. And it needs to be discussed. Franco Harris. One of the most iconic players of the 1970s, and colt hero both on and off the field died this week at the age of 72. His impact on not only just the Pittsburgh Steelers, but the Pittsburgh, the NFL, and Penn State University was tremendous. One of the key figures of the 1970s Steelers teams that went onto win 4 Super Bowls. He will be forever remembered as the man who caught the Immaculate Reception. And its still the most iconic and controversial play in the NFL History heck even the history of sports. The mystery of that play still lives on in NFL lore. And the sad part about this is. The Steelers were going to honor him for the 50th Anniversary of that game by retiring his #32. Instead he gets to watch the game from heaven with Chuck Knoll, Al Davis, Ken Stabler, Bill Nunn, the Rooneys, Gene Upshaw, plus John Madden, Pat Summerall and Myron Cope calling the game from above. I’m emotional thinking about this. Yes I’m a Ravens fan, but I love Franco. Not only because he may be the most successful player ever to come out of Penn State, but because of the impact he had on his team and the NFL. The Steelers went from the joke of the NFL, to a dynasty thanks to him and their draft class two years after the Immaculate Reception in 1974. And his footprints lay big in the Steel City still to this day. And to conclude this document, will you join me in a moment of silence in honor of the late Franco Harris………………………Thank You.
Bragging Rights Sports 