(Omar Whistle/Warriors playing)…………………………………………………………………………………………
Bragging Rights Sports Presents:
A Maryland Culture Production
“In 1996, they arrived in Baltimore away from an angry Dawg Pound. They have been criticized by many people outside of their city ever since their inception. Despite 2 championships and many Hall of Famers they get little respect. They get called names such as Murderer, Running Back, Hypocrite, Overrated, Soft, and others. But even if they are disrespected more than any team in the NFL the goal is still the same. Win the Lombardi Trophy. No one outside of the 410 cares about them, yet they work harder every single day. These boys have a swagger, and like to be pushed no matter what. We as Marylanders call them…………………………….”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens
(It’s Never Pretty, It’s Never Perfect, BUT IT IS US!)
(XXXV, XLVII)
(BIG TRUZZ)
(THE TEAM, THE TEAM, THE TEAM)
Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker, Marlon Humphrey, Marcus Peters, Roquan Smith, Calais Campbell, Justin Houston, Kenyan Drake, John Harbaugh, Eric DeCosta, Greg Roman, Mike Macdonald, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, Edgar, Allan, with Poe, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.
Location: TIAA Bank Field Opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars
Season 3 Episode 11: The Jacksonville Curse Strikes Again
WHO’S GOT IT BETTER THAN US? NOOOOBODY!
Narrator: The time honored tradition has returned. The fanbase of the Baltimore against the National Media! Every year no matter what the circumstance is the talking heads at ESPN, FS1, or NBC Sports find some way to trash Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh and the team he has assembled. This week was no different. After winning ugly against the Carolina Panthers, all the chirping was on how the Ravens offense won’t succeed in the playoffs without an elite passing game. They must have forgotten that DeMarcus Robinson had 128 yards receiving, and they were being held back by penalties at the worst possible times. (Plus 30 MPH winds at M&T that too) That didn’t stop both Stephen A Smith and Keyshawn Johnson from going on a back and forth rant. Stephen A, not even 2 months after calling the Ravens defense trash, declared the offense the same. Keyshawn responded by saying that injuries and only playing 1 game in 24 days had a major part in why they only scored 13 points against Carolina. (Plus the Panthers got 3 of their better defenders back from injury) Overall I think Key is right. Considering that there have been the most rushing yards by the entire league combined since 2006, and defense has also gone up, the style that the Boys in Purple play in can get them a ring. Offenses like the Chiefs, Bills, Dolphins, and maybe the Eagles and Vikings are beatable. You just have to keep them off the field and force them into desperation mode all game. However the worst take of them all came from Colin Cowherd. While ranking the Top 10 teams in his opinion, he left Baltimore out of the Top 10 based on how they played the previous week. If you think thats bad, it gets even worse. Guess who he had in the Top 3? Marylander: HE HAD THE BUNGLES IN THE TOP 3!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (“I have a podcast with Burrow and they beat a declining Steelers team, lets put them in the Top 3!” You snake!) PAUSE.
Narrator: Ok, ok enough of that. Anyways, the Ravens just as they are about to get Gus Edwards, David Ojabo, and Mark Andrews up to full speed were dealt with 2 minor injuries during their win this past Sunday. Kyle Hamilton and Ronnie Stanley. Both were injured in the 2nd Half. And both will be out at least a week. (And on top of that, both of them went to Notre Dame. OH DEAR!) At first we all thought those would be season ending injuries, but the X-Rays they got were better. Ok what are the Raven brothers up to this time? Poe: Whistling (TAKE THAT SALTY MARYLANDER!) Marylander: Poe you rascal! Narrator: So this time you’re playing Mario Kart, a week after playing Just Dance 2, what went into this? Edgar: Whistling (It was either that or Madden, I wanted to play Madden but Allan and Poe wanted to play Mario Kart) Narrator: I get it now. But look at you boys. Playing video games while eating snow cones, with some timely Pictionary. How creative. Allan: Whistling (I know, although Poe is a beast at Mario Kart) Narrator: What courses have you been playing. Poe: Whistling (Usually Bowser’s Castle. The Salty Marylander along with Edgar and Allan are jealous that I keep beating them) Narrator: Paying respect to one of our top pass rushers. I like the idea of playing those 3 levels plus Grumble Volcano.
Enough of that talk we must dive into the next game on the Ravens SOS Tour. This time they head south to take on a one time division rival. The Jacksonville Jaguars. (They were both in the old AFC Central from 1996-2001) Team that is coming off back to back years where they have had the #1 pick in the NFL Draft. Both Trevor Lawrence and Travon Walker have been good players but it hasn’t translated to the win total long term. They may be 3-7 but they somehow have a higher point differential. Thats what happens when you blow out the Colts and Chargers in Weeks 2 and 3. Even if the Jags have lost 6 out of 7 since Doug Pederson’s return to Philly, Duval County has been trouble for the Boys in Purple. Baltimore has not won there since 2001, and no matter who they have it doesn’t go away. The reason, the Jags have been bad when they’ve beaten the Ravens. The issues include losing to Blaine Gabbert of all people on Monday Night Football in 2011, a questionable facemask penalty against Elvis Dumervil in 2015, and the London Fiasco in which we aren’t going to talk about at hands of #Sacksonville. (That game may have been overseas but still) The Ravens want right a wrong any way they can. With Pittsburgh and Cleveland out of the race, and Cincinnati facing the schedule of death to end the year, the time to run away with their once imposing division is right in front of them. Hold on a second. Why hasn’t the game started yet? (Mice sound) There is a thunderstorm in the Jacksonville area. (Mice sound) 30 minute delay. (Mice sound) Oh great we’re in trouble. So now the Ravens have to not only overcome a stadium where they haven’t won at in 21 years, they must overcome the narrative of laying massive eggs after weather delays.
So far that hasn’t been the case. Despite an early fumble by Mark Andrews, the defense shut down the Jags early and often. All the scrubs on their O-Line could do nothing. Should be a done deal right, wrong. The horrible redzone play calling that has haunted the Ravens since Lamar’s injury last year well came back to bite them again. To be it had more to do with Foye Oulokun being a tackling machine. (Thats why they paid him $16M this year) And on top of that DeMarcus Robinson dropped a TD as well but it would have been called back thanks to a holding call. Leading 6-0, Baltimore was in control but there was still time to add on to it. But then Roman got in his own way with a terrible play call on 4th and 1. Fumble, Jacksonville recovers. (Flashbacks to Kyle Boller in 2005) And wouldn’t you guess it, they ended up scoring a TD because Trevor Lawrence needs to show why he was the #1 pick in 2021. Its ok, because Jackson and company finally were able to put together a nice long drive, which was negated by another dropped TD and holding call. Marylander: COME ON STOP WITH ALL THE PENALTIES! Narrator: I agree. As expected whenever they go to Duval, the Boys in Purple are playing down to their competition. (Too be fair, the Jaguars are better than their record and almost beat the Chiefs) Luckily there is still another half of football.
Harbaugh probably threatened to take away their phones at halftime, which led to the defense going out there and punishing the Jags running attack. Even if they were losing the battle of field position, it still wasn’t enough to hold back Planet LJ. With timely throws, and read options, he once again helped his team get inside the 20. But just like the previous 2 trips to the redzone they were doomed by a dropped pass and penalty. (Billickism) But hey they still have JT that always works. The only way the Ravens can win this game is if the defense forces a mistake and they take advantage of it. SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! SOS ALERT! There we go, a strip sack from Tyus Bowser as Marcus Peters jumps on the ball deep in Jacksonville territory. It sounds like the deathblow of their comeback dreams. Hey, the Ravens finally scored a redzone TD. And they’re up 19-10. All they need to do is get one more stop and the game should be over. See nothing to worry about. But then one play would cost them. BOOM! (Marlon Humphrey leaves game with injured hamstring) Marylander: Not again. NOT AGAIN! Narrator: Why does it have to be Marlo getting injured. First of all Geno Stone you have to catch that ball because you don’t know when that’ll haunt you. And secondly, this is the same thing that happened against Miami? (Edit: It is) Wouldn’t you guess it, the Jaguars convert a 4th and 6. What is it with the Ravens being unable to defend Zay Jones. Did they not watch the film of the Monday Night Game in Vegas last year? He always has big games against Baltimore. And then the D gave up a TD to cut the lead to 2. Then came a controversial decision. Devin Duvernay is normally a deadly returner, but he was tracked down at his own 6 yard line for trying to be too fancy. That would be the kiss of death. Why? Marylander: Seriously, how in the world can this team not protect a lead in the 4th Quarter. Its not even Lamar, Gus Edwards who never fumbles was robbed! SOMEONE STOP THIS! (Once again, Billickism) PAUSE.
Narrator: This team is driving everyone crazy, once again they had a sizable lead in the 4th Quarter only to be victimized because Boy Wonder has issues adapting to the modern offense. It looks like the Duval Curse will continue, but wait a minute! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! That may have been the best throw I’ve ever seen Lamar Jackson make. A 60 yard bomb to D-Jax to get them within scoring position. The High End Talent has come out of hibernation! And hey Josh Oliver didn’t drop a TD this time. And they got the 2 point conversion. All I need right now is for the defense to rise up and stop Trevor Lawrence. And they forced a fumble and nearly came away with it. Its 4th and 21, the Jags have no timeouts, there is absolutely no way that the Ravens can mess this up. “Lawrence looking deep for Jones, He’s got it! On 4th and 21!” You’ve gotta be kidding me, they just gave up a 4th and 21 and put Brandon Stephens on Zay Jones. They learned nothing from last year against the Raiders didn’t they. I don’t think the Jags are going to win but holy cow this is bad, by the way can someone please explain why Harbaugh can’t manage a game clock. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) And they got burned over the top. I would normally blame Marcus Peters but that throw by Lawrence was a perfect pass. Even if he tried pushing Marvin Jones out of bounds I think he would have found a way to keep both feet in. Theres really nothing you can do. But here we go again. For the 3rd time, Doug Pederson is goin for 2 points and the win against the Ravens in 6 years. He was denied both times with the Eagles. Please stop them again! “Looking left, throws left, CAUGHT! ZAY JONES!” Oh my god its going to happen. The Ravens losing in Jacksonville yet again. Did they not realize that this wasn’t a gimme, but hold on a second, we need one more glimmer of hope. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Its going to erase all of their failure in this game and all the talking heads on 105.7 the Fan will put this behind them. The only downside is that JT has to try a 67 yarder to win the game. He hit from 66 in Detroit last year at the gun. But hey if anyone can do it, its Tucker. “Tucker kick on the way, on line, does it have the distance? NO! AND THE JAGUARS WIN!” Are you kidding me! All of that flash and dash to lose like that? I mean what happened to this defense. They were demigods the last month and they decided to go back to the early games of this season. Are you sure it wasn’t the offense that struggled? My god this team is in turmoil. PAUSE.
I can’t be surprised at what happened in this game. After the weather delay I knew that they would find a way to lose this and my god they did. The Ravens do this nearly every year. There is one game a season where they lose to a team that they should dominate and its usually the Jaguars that beat them IN JACKSONVILLE! The 6th straight time they have lost in Duval dating back to 2005. You can’t be upset with these kinds of habits when they date back to years of Billick and Marchibroda. By the way they’ve tied the NFL Record for the most 2 score 4th Quarter leads blown in a season. Guess who they tied. The 2007 Ravens! This kind of play late in games is what cost Brian Billick and nearly Rex Ryan and Ozzie Newsome their jobs. And there wasn’t even Ray Lewis or Ed Reed to bail them out for the mess they started. Today was a lost opportunity. This was their chance to run away with the division, now the other 3 teams are right on their tails. Cincinnati is now tied with them. You better be lucky that you have a soft schedule or else you’d be out of the playoffs easily. This isn’t going to work well if they keep this up. But we have to remember, this team lost to Charlie Batch and an injured Steelers team and needed a 4th and 29 to beat the Chargers. They are one bad loss away from giving Greg Roman the Cam Cameron sentence. And guess who they play next week? The team that got Cameron fired 10 years ago. The Denver Broncos. Luckily they don’t have Peyton Manning, but you can’t take Russell Wilson or that defense lightly. Considering that they’ve looked past both Carolina and Jacksonville it wouldn’t be surprising to see this continue. How can this get worse? (Lamar Jackson angrily tweets back at fan) (Ravens Reporter Jamison Hensley gets called out on Social Media) Marylander: WHAT DO YOU MEAN PLANET LJ MADE PROFANE COMMENTS ON TWITTER TO A TRASH TALKING FAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT IS GOING ON! (Is this the 2017 Orioles again) PAUSE.
Narrator: I mean its ugly for sure, and Marcus Peters got in a rant on Social Media as well and Hensley also tweeted out the details. And on top of that there were players fighting on the sidelines after the go ahead drive by Jacksonville. Good news Ravens Flock, you now have to go through what the Bucks did with Malika Andrews after the ECF in 2019 against the Raptors! (Both of them work for the same network except in different sports, Mickey Mouse organization eh?) And just like what Bucks Media did with MA, Ravens Media is giving their longtime ESPN Reporter another chance, but he like the rest of their productions room will be on thin ice. This is unacceptable from a team that has Super Bowl ambitions. They need Kyle Hamilton, JK Dobbins, Ronnie Stanley, David Ojabo, Marcus Williams, and even Poe back badly. Poe: Whistling (I’ll try my best to do so for the playoffs) Narrator: Although if there is anything thats good coming out of this its that Baltimore always plays well in December, last year was a fluke because of injuries. In the words of the Salty Marylander, you haven’t seen the real Ravens yet. Momentum in the NFL can change on a dime, lets just hope they can fix it quickly. Please don’t lose to the Broncos next week!
Bragging Rights Sports 