Ravens vs Buccaneers: Marylander: There once was a team twas lost at sea, to there came a man named Tom Brady, ditched Winston, they began to win. Throw less picks Tom throw… NOT! TAKE THAT TAMPA BAY! WE’RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YEAAAAAAAH! (I had to bring out the Sea Shanty. Good times)
Broncos vs Jaguars: This game can be described by one term. BRITISH TANK BOWL! (Roundball Rock playing) I love how the NFL pretends that we need to keep seeing the Broncos in front of a national spotlight. What do they have? 5 games on Sunday/Monday Night plus a game in London. (That’s 7/17 games, WHAT?) Speaking of which, Denver is looking for as much false hope as they can find. Playing Jacksonville overseas will help with that. Despite the Jags taking an early, we must remember why the Broncos threw a boatload of picks and players at Russell Wilson. So they can compete with KC somehow. Wilson didn’t have the best game, but he was serviceable. It also helps that Denver’s D is the only reason why this team is even relevant. Trevor Lawrence had trouble for most of the 2nd Half. Even with his struggles, Lawrence and the Jags still have a 3 point lead late in the game. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Oh that’s right, Russell Wilson knows how to bail out a team from certain disaster, he and KJ Hamler may have just saved their season. Jaguars you know what your prize is? (Yo-Yo Sound) Calvin Ridley? You guys were dumb enough to trade for a guy who bet on games? What the heck is wrong with you people? Broncos don’t think we’re done with you either. Bradley Chubb, one of your better defensive players, was shipped off to the Dolphins for a 1st Round pick. Even if you can’t tank at least you have an early round pick even if it may be in the 20s.
Bears vs Cowboys: How Bout Dem Cowboys? Well it seems like they’re starting to hit their stride. There’s a reason why they needed Dak Prescott back, and now you see why. Not only is he an underrated game manager, he can also sling it. He accounted for three of Dallas’ seven TDs. It also helps that Tony Pollard is becoming one of the best RBs in the NFC. Who needs Zeke eh? (Well it would be nice to have him in power running situations) As for the defense they did give up 29 points and 371 yards of total offense, but that’s because Justin Fields is a solid QB in his own right. Also it can’t be a Cowboys game without Micah Parsons, and Trevon Diggs making highlight plays on defense. That’s what Dan Quinn as DC can do for a unit. Dem Cowboys have entered the fastlane known as being one of the NFC’s elite. That doesn’t bode well for anyone outside of Big D, but hey that’s just the way Jerry likes it.
Dolphins vs Lions: What a difference does a healthy Tua Tagovailoa make for the Dolphins. When he is not on the field that is felt. When he is, the offense is firing on all cylinders. Even though Miami faced another 21 point deficit, the new age Legion of Zoom was unstoppable all day long. Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are on pace to having the best season by a 1-2 WR punch in league history. It also helps when both have world class speed. Now that their franchise QB is healthy, the Dolphins are back in control of their own destiny. Detroit on the other hand has one question that must be answered. Where is the defense? Why can’t they defend against legit talent? Wasn’t that Dan Campbell’s strength in New Orleans? Well it appears that he, like every Lions coach since the 1970s can’t adapt to the modern offense. That’s just rotten luck for a team that can’t have anything good.
Raiders vs Saints: Vegas what in the world? You have all this offensive talent, all the moves you made in the offseason, and you get shutout by the Saints. THE SAINTS! A team trotting out a fossil in Andy Dalton, literally being carried by Alvin Kamara, and having a head coach who shouldn’t be near that job. The Raiders didn’t gain 100 yards until the 4th Quarter, when Derek Carr was taken out of the game. Everyone will blame Carr, and McDaniels but I have one thing. Why didn’t the Raiders add any Offensive Linemen in the offseason? It’s the same mistake that their division rivals in Denver made. (And McDaniels had the same problem when he was over there) Why do these people never learn? All this game did was give New Orleans false hope for the rest of the season. Now their fans think they can hang with elite teams again. You get Baltimore next Monday Night, good luck. (Luckily for the Saints the Red Rifle knows the Ravens very well)
Steelers vs Eagles: The Battle of Pennsylvania. 2 teams headed in completely opposite directions. The Eagles are unbeaten and their entire city is on Cloud 9 with everything going their way it seems like every sport. The Steelers are clinging onto whatever false hope they have. The combination of Jalen Hurts and AJ Brown is the 2nd coming of McNabb and TO excluding all the drama. Both of these guys make not only themselves, but the rest of the squad. It also doesn’t help that Philly’s O-Line and front seven is as good as anyones. Kenny Pickett and Najee Harris could do nothing. I still have a hard time believing that Pittsburgh isn’t a good team. I come to expect them to be good year in year out. Now I just have to sit back and watch it all unfold. (I hope the Ravens don’t fall into the same traps) Speaking of Pennsylvania and football, how is Penn State doing? I hear that they have a shot at upsetting the Buckeyes with a 5 point lead with 9 minutes to play as… (Ohio State fight song playing) You’ve gotta be kidding me! How do you give up 28 points in 6 minutes! Yes, it’s THE Ohio State University but still! I won’t go too hard because the Nittany Lions are all but a lock for a New Years 6 game. It’s too bad that they ran out of gas in the end. The Cotton Bowl at JerryWorld is in your sights James Franklin. You can manage right? (Well JT Tuimoloau had the greatest game by a College Football defender since Ndamukong Suh in 2009 at Nebraska)
Cardinals vs Vikings: Minnesota gets to enjoy another game of their soft early season schedule against an overrated squad in the Cardinals. The reason I’m that is because Arizona keeps making the same mistakes over and over despite the talent on the roster. The Vikings were certainly beatable but the Cards failed to open things up. Just when Kyler Murray is about to carry this team, nope he throws a boneheaded interception to Harrison Smith. (Is that Neil O’Donnell over there?) Oh you strip sacked Kirk Cousins, too bad because Kyler couldn’t handle a snap deep in Minnesota territory. This is why you don’t trade a 1st Round pick for Marquise Brown and give him $25M a year. You could have used a player like Linderbaum in a situation like that. The Cardinals won’t learn because they think having as many skill players as possible leads to success. You should build your team in the trenches, this is evidence. (Plus why does Kingsbury still have a job)
Patriots vs Jets: It doesn’t matter the circumstances, it doesn’t matter how good or bad either team is. Bill Belichick owns the New York Jets. Any time the 2 teams play, the Patriots must reign supreme. Even if the Jets have a feel good story going, and have some nice talents on defense, the Hoodie always finds a way to beat them. Zach Wilson may have upside, but like last year, New England’s D made him look like a failed prospect. Even if Mac Jones struggled, he did just enough to pull out a win. The Jets turned back into the ButtFumble for a day. Too bad the Patriots needed to make a statement as to why they should still be in playoff contention. As Belichick surpasses George Halas on the All Time wins list for a head coach. He couldn’t have it any better. (Win #325 vs the team that they have beaten 13 straight times and humiliated the most in the Belichick Era. Ironic)
Panthers vs Falcons: CHAOS! That’s how I can describe this game. Whoever wins this matchup thanks to the Buccaneers getting embarrassed on Thursday Night will lead the NFC South. Early on the game was a boring defensive festival. Then came an explosion of points. First a pick 6 by the Falcons, then countered by 10 unanswered points from the Panthers. But then something strange happened. Atlanta took the lead late in the game, and their defense held up. But if there is anything that needs to be said its that nothing is safe in the NFL. Trailing by 6, PJ Walker has one more chance to be the hero. “On 1st Down, moving to his left, and now Walker, fires downfield, looking for DJ Moore. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!)” Good news and bad news. The good news is that DJ Moore made a fantastic catch in the endzone, the bad news is that he took his helmet off. Unsportsmanlike Conduct, 15 yards in the other direction. Who does he think he is? Elijah Moore when he was with Ole Miss in 2019? Now they have to try a 48 yard extra point to win. “48 yard extra point attempt by Pineiro is no good.” Here we only got one rule. Never, ever, take your helmet off in celebration in the end zone especially in a close game. Because this is what happens. Now we go to OT, and Pineiro is getting another chance because Marcus Mariota decided to be way too cute with the ball. This time it’s a 33 yard chip shot. “Pineiro from 33 yards out, for the win, and it is no good!” What? WHAT! PAUSE.
This game will never end, it’s just to see which team survives a game where neither deserved to win. Well the Falcons got into field goal range, and on their attempt, they didn’t miss. That’s what happens when a guy like Younghoe Koo is kicking field goals. (Easily the best kicker in the NFC) Now Atlanta leads the NFC South after 8 games. Tank Division, it sure sounds like it.
Titans vs Texans: This game was ugly to both watch and to recap. That’s what happens when one team is tanking for their next savior, and the other is injured yet again. Even as Malik Willis made his 1st NFL start, the Texans still couldn’t gain some kind of momentum for the rest of the year. The problem for them was that Derrick Henry has regained his stroke. He’s starting to run roughshod over everyone and barring injury he should be near the league lead in rushing yards. It didn’t matter if Willis was rusty, the Titans did the bare minimum to pull this one off and increase their win streak to 5 games. My biggest question for Tennessee is simple. Are they legit? None of those wins were against teams with a winning record. (The Colts twice, the Texans, the Commanders, and the Jaguars) Their game against Kansas City at Arrowhead next Sunday Night will go a long way to legitimizing them or not.
Commanders vs Colts: The Colts need a fresh wind no matter what has hit them over the past few weeks. Benching Matt Ryan is certainly a gutsy call. (They don’t want another Wentz situation) In comes Sam Ehlinger to start in the place of Matty Ice against the Commanders. He did alright but let me be clear. The Colts biggest flaw is the Offensive Line. And it showed all day long. Washington made mincemeat of Quenton Nelson and the rest of that line. For 4 quarters. But even then Indianapolis has a 9 point lead in the 4th Quarter. BOOM! Well it appears that Taylor Heinicke and his voodoo magic came back on this day. Washington makes a furious comeback and now they have a chance to win the game in the final seconds. “OH MY GOD!” How in the world did Scary Terry catch that. McLaurin was mugged by Stephon Gilmore on that play yet it didn’t matter. The Commies score on the next play and leave town with a 500 record. Is it me or could the entire NFC East make the playoffs. Is this 1992 and 1993 again?
49ers vs Rams: We all laughed so hard when San Francisco got desperate and traded a king’s ransom for Christian McCaffery. Little did we know that he would torch the Rams in a way that would make John Taylor’s performance against them in 1989 look humble in comparison. CMC did something that the league hasn’t seen since LaDainian Tomlinson in 2005. He caught, rushed, and threw for a touchdown in this contest. Not even Pokemon McVay and his high energy mentality couldn’t stop him. The NFL’s version of the Zodiac Killer consumes all of Los Angeles whole. AGAIN! That is now 8 straight regular season wins against the Rams going back to Week 6 of 2019. LA this is the risk of going all in and throwing away all your draft picks. A year like the one you guys are having to this point could doom you long term. (The F them picks mentality rarely works in sports, just ask the Vegas Golden Knights)
Giants vs Seahawks: Who thought this game would be a high quality matchup when the season started. No one. Both the Giants and Seahawks have had impressive starts to the year thanks to excellent coaching, and structure. The only question now is who would make a bigger statement. Today it’s Seattle. Turns out the getting rid of Russell Wilson was an unexpected blessing. Geno Smith is proving why he is an easy pick for Comeback Player of the Year. It also helps that the Seahawks defense has regained its old form. Saquan had problems all day long, that’s how effective they were. Seattle now has the lead in the NFC West at the halfway point thanks to an excellent turnaround orchestrated by Pete Carroll. I kinda believe that the Mariners run to the playoffs helped spark the Seahawks Cinderella. I’ve experienced that first hand. (It kinda reminds me of their 1983 run to the Conference Championship game)
Packers vs Bills: Green Bay this is why you needed to beat Washington last week. Because you knew this was coming. Buffalo laid an early game knockout even if they were rusty coming off a Bye Week. Josh Allen had his struggles at times but he was able to torch the Packers D when he needed to. Looks like chaos is coming out of Lambeau and fast. Aaron Rodgers is ticked off at his receivers, the defense is banged up, Matt LaFleur is being exposed, and the fanbase is ticked off. The fact that the Bills only won by 10 is deceiving. The refs were doing everything they could for the Packers to keep it close. Yet it never happened. The only good thing for Green Bay is that Vegas decided to be idiots and give them their 1st Round picks in 2022 and 2023. Even if Davante Adams is gone, the Packers have another year of Cap Hell starring right in their face due to all of those contracts on defense. They could still make the playoffs though. Thank a weak NFC for such chances.
Bengals vs Browns: People told me all offseason, “Joe Burrow is the best QB in the NFL, Lamar Jackson bows down to him.” I have a conclusion. What would he be if JaMarr Chase somehow got injured? Well see for yourself. Burrow got absolutely mauled all night by the Browns defensive front. Despite the most money invested into the O-Line than anyone this offseason Cincinnati still has problems. (Lamar was down his Top 2 receivers against the Bucs, and still dominated) Not to mention both Zac Taylor and Lou Anarumu got exposed, BIG TIME! They made Amari Cooper look like the receiver he was in Dallas. CRACK! That also is because Cincy lost their top 2 cornerbacks to injury. Not to mention Jacoby Brissett played the role of Baker Mayfield in 2020. Safe QB play, and letting the talent around him do their thing. He made the Bengals turn back into the Bungles. This was the game that Cincy needed to win in order to keep up with Baltimore at the top of the AFC North. Considering that they are now 0-3 in the division, one game back, and the Ravens added Roquan Smith, it’s going to take a miracle for the Bengals to reclaim the division title. (And Baltimore will own tiebreaker for the rest of the season) Now you know how Marylanders felt last year with all their injuries, now it’s your turn to deal with them Bungles. (That and Cleveland all of a sudden has false hope. OH GOD!)
FOLLIE TIME: (Nutcracker theme playing) And now for the main attraction, THE FOOTBALL FOLLIES! The winner this week is the Special Teams unit of the New York Giants. Yes we can gloat about Carolina being idiots against Atlanta but here, I won’t do so. We have to explain how Seattle got their biggest statement of the year. Thats because Richie James of the G-Men fumbled 2 punts, and Graham Gano missed a 37 yarder, and had a free kick out of bounds. Those missed points and turnovers came back to haunt the Giants. Those 20 missed points proved to be the difference as the Seahawks now lead the NFC West halfway through the season. No wonder why Giant fans are mad at the Kadarius Toney trade. Yes he’s a diva but he wouldn’t have made those mistakes, right?
Bragging Rights Sports 