Charm City Beasts (Season 3) Episode 8: ARR ME MATEYS!

(Omar Whistle/Halloween version of Warriors playing)………………………………………………..

Bragging Rights Sports Presents:

A Maryland Culture Production

“In 1996, they arrived in Baltimore away from an angry Dawg Pound. They have been criticized by many people outside of their city ever since their inception. Despite 2 championships and many Hall of Famers they get little respect. They get called names such as Murderer, Running Back, Hypocrite, Overrated, Soft, and others. But even if they are disrespected more than any team in the NFL the goal is still the same. Win the Lombardi Trophy. No one outside of the 410 cares about them, yet they work harder every single day. These boys have a swagger, and like to be pushed no matter what. We as Marylanders call them…………………………….”

CHARM CITY BEASTS

The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens

(It’s Never Pretty, It’s Never Perfect, BUT IT IS US!)

(XXXV, XLVII)

(BIG TRUZZ)

(THE TEAM, THE TEAM, THE TEAM)

Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker, Marlon Humphrey, Marcus Peters, Rashod Bateman, JK Dobbins, Calais Campbell, Kyle Hamilton, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, Mike Macdonald, Eric DeCosta, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, Edgar, Allan, with Poe, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.

Location: Raymond James Stadium Opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Season 3) Episode 8: ARR ME MATEYS!

R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!

(Horror Music playing) Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (Ooooooooooooooo) Narrator: What’s that sound? Is there a ghost in here? Marylander: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh god what could it be? (Light Switch) Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (Trick or Treat!) Narrator: Oh what’s up guys. I see you guys are dressed up for Halloween. Poe: Whistling (We decided to dress up as ghosts this year) Cool. I see that the Salty Marylander went with Frankenstein. Marylander: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Narrator: Anyways, after maintaining their precious narratives over Cleveland in Week 7, the Boys in Purple know that the division is theirs for the taking. 9 of their final 10 games would be against teams with losing records. This is an excellent opportunity to blow away the rest of the AFC North. And John Harbaugh knows it. After the win over the Browns he explained why they only threw the ball 16 times. It was due to injuries at WR, the Browns furious pass rush, and playing on a short week. A logical response by any means. As for the offense, their 2nd Half performances over the past few games have certainly improved. Even if Justice Hill fumbled late in the Browns game, Planet LJ was pleased with their recent improvements. But he did state out one thing. Their inability to finish drives in the red zone. Through the 1st 4 weeks, Baltimore had the #1 offense inside the 20 yard line. Over the next 3 games they were middle of the pack. Most of it had to do with the Roman Empire trying to prove that the Ravens weren’t a 1 dimensional offense. Roman himself admitted that he made mistakes by not calling run plays inside the 20 yard line. Hopefully for their next game that all changes thanks to better execution.

On defense, slowly but surely the entire unit was getting stronger. Thanks to a revamped pass rush, and timely playmaking, Mike Man had assembled his unit from being trash (thanks Stephen A) to one of the most underrated units in the game. Yes they played Jacoby Brissett last week, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a scrub. The return of Justin Houston played a huge role in the win over the Browns, but there was a bump. Calais Campbell following the game got sick. Luckily it was a non-COVID illness but he wouldn’t be well enough to make the trip. (He probably had allergies or something close to it) Even if Campbell would be inactive, the rise of Justin Madubuike and Travis Jones as run stuffers was only beginning. These 2 mid round picks along with Broderick Washington were making positive strides. They were unknown at the beginning of the season, and now they’ve made their presence felt. So has Geno Stone. In place of Marcus Williams, he has played that role quite nicely. Kinda similar to when DeShon Elliott took over for Earl Thomas in 2020. Regardless of what spot it was on defense, the youngsters on this unit were coming on strong.

However they weren’t the major topic of discussion. You know who it was? Planet LJ. AGAIN! Following the game against Cleveland, he decided to hang out at Horseshoe Casino. In fact he was a surprise guest at a wedding reception inside the Casino Ballroom. For a minute, Jackson was unidentified but as soon as he took off his shades everyone inside that ballroom was in awe. Allan: Whistling (He certainly likes to have fun doesn’t he) Narrator: Allan you better believe it. Next he invited Bleacher Reports Taylor Rooks to the Under Armour Performance Center so that they could do a 1-on-1. (Is it me or does that relationship remind me of Giannis’ relationship with Malika Andrews) Lamar as expected was relaxed and told her that he thrives in all the criticism that comes his way on Social Media. Edgar: Whistling (I’m jealous) Narrator: Yes, Edgar I get it you want a secret crush just like Allan and Poe have. Although Rooks is a good option. Edgar: Whistling (Awesome!) The biggest headline of the week involving Planet LJ came from a man who Raven fans love to hate. Skip Bayless. He was told by a source that Lamar wasn’t pleased with what was going on with his contract and his future being uncertain. In reality he probably was speculating it so that he could sweet talk Jackson into coming to Dallas. (When the Cowboys already have a massive contract with Dak Prescott) Marylander: That man is J-E-ALOUS! Narrator: You’re right. Skip’s take fired up Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh! Harbs and his staff had the look in their eyes that said, “we’re gonna make you regret what you said.”

The Ravens would get that chance to do that on a Thursday Night game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Unlike the previous 2 years, #TompaBay has struggled mightily. Injuries to the O-Line and Secondary have played a major role in their struggles. Plus Tom Brady is going through a steep decline. For this game Edgar, Allan, Poe, will be in a skit where they enter a haunted house trying to escape with Halloween Candy. Are you boys ready for it? All 3: Whistling (BRING IT!) The game began in bizarre fashion. The Bucs defense shut down the Raven passing game on the opening drive, but once again the special teams unit caused chaos by taking advantage of a muffed punt. It only got them 3 points out of it, but Baltimore will certainly take it. (The 3 Raven brothers escape the first room of the haunted house) However Tom Brady is on the other side, and knowing him he won’t go down easily. Thanks to a pair of nice completions to Mike Evans, Tampa Bay scored a TD to take the lead. (Evil Pirate: ARR! Edgar/Allan/Poe: AAAAAAAAH!) Then they forced a 3 and out, and got deep into Raven territory again, but this time the Boys in Purple stopped them and only gave up a field goal. 10-3. (Edgar: We must fight back!) The toughest part for the Raven offense was that the Buccaneers front seven was suffocating the O-Line. With Lamar having little time to throw, and no running lanes being created, everything seemed lost. But then Mike Man and his defense would have to bail out Greg Roman’s offense. Brady, like most games against the Ravens, was getting confused by their crafty blitzes. The score remained 10-3. (The Raven brothers and Evil Pirates get into a fight) At the end of the 1st Half, Jackson and company finally got moving. With Mark Andrews and Rashod Bateman going down with injuries, they had to come up with quick fixes. Exhibits A and B: Isaiah Likely, and DeMarcus Robinson. They marched deep into enemy territory, but on a 4th and 2, Roman got too cute with the play calling and went for a 50-50 ball. It didn’t work. The score was still 10-3. (Raven brothers get chased around the haunted house)

There was panic starting to settle in, are the Ravens really that good, or are they just all hype? BOOM! Well Planet LJ had other ideas. He and Roman decided to change their strategy in the 2nd Half. Instead of throwing the ball on nearly every play, they went for the run instead. With Gus Edwards and Kenyan Drake pounding the ball, the Bucs D was starting to get tired. CRACK! And on top of that Shaq Barrett suffered a season ending injury. (Also he copied Ray Ray after a sack) Wouldn’t you know it, Baltimore tied the game on a TD pass to Kenyan Drake. The Buccaneers soon realized the impact of a massive amount of Ravens fans invading Raymond James Stadium was hard to overcome. TB12 was getting eaten alive by Justin Houston, and Madubuike. The Ravens could smell blood in the water. (Raven brothers start killing the Evil Pirates) Planet LJ is throwing dimes with Likely and Robinson creating separation. Likely himself would score his 1st NFL TD to give Baltimore the lead. Even as the Buccaneers storm back for a field goal, there is optimism for the 20,000 Raven fans in attendance. This was a different team than the one that blew 4th Quarter leads a plenty. With the running game exploiting Tampa’s weaknesses, and the banged up secondary having no answers for the unheralded B-More pass catchers, the lead was now 24-13. (Raven brothers face the final boss) But as expected Brady wasn’t giving up. The Buccaneers thanks to REFBALL (Memelords: Carl Cheffers = Tom Brady’s Uncle) and a deep pass to Mike Evans have a chance to get back in it. They even scored a TD, BEEP! And then get called for holding. It’s ok they got a field goal out of it. But the Ravens responded to this by getting a big return from Devin Duvernay, and another long run from Drake. They may not have run out the clock, but hey they’re up 2 scores with 2 minutes left, we’re all safe. Even as Tampa scored a TD to pile up their stats it’s too late. Baltimore survives with a much needed win to maintain 1st place in the AFC North. Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (ARR ME MATEYS! You Pirates can’t stop us from getting candy!) PAUSE.

Narrator: Now there’s the Ravens we know and love. Going on the road and making a statement against a once solid contender. The Buccaneers may not be as good as expected, but hey a win is a win. This was probably their most complete game they’ve played all season. Lamar was solid in the 2nd Half, the reinforcements at WR made plays when they needed to. Gus the Bus and Kenyan feasted in the 2nd Half. And the defense despite dropping 3 picks excelled for most of the game. This was going to be the Ravens toughest test on paper during this part of their schedule, and they prevailed in a big way. Now at 5-3 with a one game lead in the AFC North, they potentially have clear sailing to the division title. Luckily for both GoldMine and Dark Knight their injuries aren’t that serious, although Bateman is going to be out until at least Thanksgiving. Edwards was banged up in this game, but his hamstring injury won’t be serious. Even better news David Ojabo and Tyus Bowser were activated to the 53 man roster. They’ll be ready to go for the stretch run. Anyways, what did the bros do in the haunted house? Poe: Whistling (We just slaughtered a bunch of Evil Pirates) Narrator: Oh that’s great Poe! It turns out that our Halloween is going to be an instant success. I wonder what can top this? BOOOOOOOOOOM!!! (Bears trade All Pro Roquan Smith to the Ravens) Marylander (Vincent Price Impersonation): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Narrator: OH MY GOD! PAUSE.

Narrator: Behold the Halloween Blockbuster of the Year! This is the emphatic promise of insufferable Marylanders everywhere! Roquan Smith, the league’s leading tackler, a man who is in the prime of his career, and is coming off an All Pro season in Chicago, has been traded to Baltimore. The best part about this is that the Ravens only gave up a 2nd, a 5th, and a backup LB in AJ Klein. This move makes this squad a trendy Super Bowl Contender. The Ravens have lacked a potentially generational MLB since Ray Lewis. Not only is Smith an excellent tackler, he can play the run, the pass, he can blitz. I mean he had no weaknesses. This screams all in. Baltimore knows that this may be their last shot at a Super Bowl before Cap Hell comes. With Lamar, Roquan, Peters, and many others due for extensions, the only conclusion for this season is a championship. And with the schedule that they have coming up, plus Cincinnati being 0-3 in the division, Baltimore should have the AFC North locked up on Christmas Weekend. To end this episode, we’ve gotta another skit for you. Enjoy!

Marylander: I was chilling peacefully in the Bank one night, when a whistling voice just hit me in sight. It was the Raven brothers, with their beaks up and high. And suddenly, to my surprise. Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (We did the mash!) Marylander: They did the MONSTER MASH! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (THE MONSTER MASH!) Marylander: It was a B-More smash! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (We did the mash!) The Ravens winnin’ every dash! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (We did the mash!) Marylander: They did the MONSTER MASH! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (AHOOOOOOOOO! AHOOOOOOOOO! AHOOOOOOOOO! AHOOOOOOOOO!) Marylander: RAVENS GHANTA SUPER BOWL! R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!