Saints vs Cardinals: Arizona is getting a treat tonight. Yes, DeAndre Hopkins is back in the mix, but even better news is that they are playing against an underachieving squad in the Saints. When a team throws back-to-back Pick 6’s there is no recovering from that. Andy Dalton is cooked. This game proved why he shouldn’t be a starter anymore. Not even Kliff Kingsbury making bizarre play calls could stop the Cardinals. I have one question. Why do people think this team is a contender when they have massive flaws in coaching and organizational structure? (Daily Reminder: The Hollywood Brown Trade has been a dud)
Falcons vs Bengals: Cincinnati is being given an offensive statement. Why? Because Atlanta is down 3 of their starters in the secondary including AJ Terrell. What does this mean? Joe Burrow and the Bengal offense picked apart that banged up defense. The Falcons hopes of taking the lead in the NFC South were put on hold for a week. Marcus Mariota tried to keep up, but he couldn’t match the fireworks on the other side. Even if Cincy played up to their potential, I still have my doubts. They’ve beaten 3 backup QBs and the Flyin’ Hawaiian. (But their defense has a 2nd Half track record that rivals Buffalo’s) CRACK! And the Football Gods apparently struck down JaMarr Chase. That might be a death blow to their chances at a division title. They’ll still make the playoffs if things go according to plan but throw in that injury plus the Ravens soft schedule you have a big uphill climb. Good luck Joey B.
Buccaneers vs Panthers: (Nutcracker theme playing) I’m about to make a generous statement. The NFC South is a meme and deserves the honor of FOOTBALL FOLLIES. THERE I SAID IT! Not even a week after trading away Christian McCaffery, the Panthers beat the Bucs. THE PANTHERS BEAT THE BUCCANEERS! Tampa Bay got outclassed by PJ Walker, and a Madden generated offense. That sound right there is the fire alarm going off inside Bucs camp. Todd Bowles shouldn’t be anywhere near a head coaching job, Tom Brady has lost his mojo, the secondary is banged up, and their upcoming schedule is a dud. Here’s the scary part, if Tampa loses next week and Carolina wins, (Edit: The Buccaneers lost to the Ravens) the Panthers will be in 1st place. How pathetic is the NFC this year?
Lions vs Cowboys: The NFC does have a few contenders by the way. One of them just happens to be Dem Cowboys. With Dak Prescott back in the mix, it was going to take some time for him to get caught up to speed. It may have been ugly in the 1st Round but here is the good news. There was still another half of football to be played. Dallas’ unconscious defense made the Lions look like wounded prey, as Micah Parsons and Trevon Diggs went hog wild on them. At 5-2 the Cowboys are feeling good about themselves again with their QB1 back to full strength. How is the rest of the NFC East doing?
Giants vs Jaguars: The Giants have optimism flowing. Philly is on a Bye Week, and they have a chance to gain ground. Even if they are a surprise underdog against the Jaguars, the G-Men will find new ways to win. Jacksonville may have an early lead but don’t tell that to Brian Daboll. He knows that the Jags will be easy pickings once they get things figured out. Not even REFBALL and WTH is Roughing the Passer can stop the Giants comeback story. As in previous weeks, Daniel Jones and Saquan Barkley put the offense on their backs, as New York takes a late game lead. But Trevor Lawrence and the Jaguars must go down swinging. Even if REFBALL is the main reason why they are even in this game, they will certainly go for a last second win. “Lawrence to throw, to the goal line, caught by Christian Kirk. (GAME OVER YEAH!) but there is no time.” Let me guess Wink Martindale’s defensive unit took his old boss’s matto. It’s never pretty, it’s never perfect, but it is us. That motto has given the Giants an unexpected 6-1 record. Sometimes when a team is dialed in it’s hard to stop them. Let this be an example of such thinking.
Colts vs Titans: Two AFC South teams, only one of them leaves with more false hope. Indianapolis is trying to make up for a rough start. The same goes for the Titans. The bad news for both teams is simple. Their QBs will be sidelined for a good chunk after this game. For Ryan Tannehill its due to injury, and Titan fans get their wish of getting to watch Malik Willis for once. For Matt Ryan he got BENCHED! That was due to making terrible reads, but we have one conclusion. The Colts offensive line is garbage. Yes they have Quinten Nelson but other than that its full of sives. Titans enjoy your free win. The AFC South is yours for the taking again. How long has this division been so weak for?
Packers vs Commanders: Green Bay needs anything to get them back in it. The Vikings are pulling away in the division, and they can’t let little brother get what he wants. Against the Commanders this should have been an easy win. Well the Packers can’t make it easy on themselves. The running game was useless all game long due to scheming and Washington’s physical defensive line.Not to mention Aaron Rodgers doesn’t have the supporting cast like he did in years prior. (We have the same thing in B-More although we have a system excuse) What receiver wants to play in Green Bay rather than bigger markets? No one. The only hope that the Packers have of saving Rodgers is if they somehow get Marvin Harrison Jr, or Jaxon Smith-Njigba in the draft due to them having Vegas’ 1st Round pick. The Commanders offense with Taylor Heinicke would do the rest. Oh boy Wisconsin has something they can rightfully moan about again. But hey at least you got the Bucks. As a diehard of sed NBA team thank god for their hot start. (I thought that without Middleton, Connaughton, and Ingles they’d struggle)
Browns vs Ravens: Marylander: The Browns should be told: don’t kick a 60-yarder at the bank. Don’t Kick A 60-Yarder At The Bank! DON’T KICK A 60-YARDER AT THE BANK! (It’s the NFLs version of Don’t Make a Mountain out of a MoleHill”)
Texans vs Raiders: A Tank Bowl? Can this really be considered one? Well, roll the footage I guess? (Roundball Rock) As I said it’s too early to describe this as a Tank Bowl. The Raiders still believe that they can make noise despite a 1-4 start and their 1st Round pick being in the hands of Green Bay. Today proved why Vegas still needs to be taken seriously. The Texans may be the favorites for the top pick in the draft, but Derek Carr needed a bounce back game. That and Josh Jacobs went back to 2020 form. Houston tried keeping up but they ran out of gas at the end of the game. Too bad, Josh McDaniels still knows how to call plays on offense against weaker opponents. This game was evidence. Raiders at least you’re out of the basement. Do you wanna know who that honor goes to?
Jets vs Broncos: These guys! I knew that the Broncos would massively underachieve this season. It has nothing to do with the current ownership, yes this may be their 1st year but most of this mess is due to the previous regime and John Elway. Turns out trading away your entire future and then some for Russell Wilson was a mistake. CRACK! And now he’s injured. The ButtFumble didn’t even have to try, they flat out dominated this game even if it didn’t show on the scoresheet. No matter who their QB, they won’t do a thing behind that Offensive Line. (This is why they’ve had the most starting QBs in the AFC since Elway retired) With them getting extremely lucky this week, the Jets are off to their best start since 2010. I wonder how the Football Gods are responding to this unexpected start. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Welp, they shut down Breece Hall for the season. Torn ACL. (Same with their starting RG) Don’t worry Jets fans, you got a nice replacement in James Robinson. Hopefully he should get more reps than he did in Jacksonville.
Seahawks vs Chargers: The Chargers should be pressing the red panic button. Yes they were 4-2 coming in but none of those wins were against legit opponents. And I hear their fans saying it’s because of the injuries they’re dealing with. That’s an excuse! Do you not understand what franchise this is? A team that has done nothing but hype up their fans whether in LA and San Diego only to throw a pie in their faces. This game evidence. Although I should shift gears and talk about the success of the Seahawks. Well I’ve come to a realization. Russell Wilson was the problem. His ego got in the way of where this team wanted to go. Geno Smith may be a downgrade but he’s playing the best ball of his career. (Rich Gannon/Tommy Maddox 2.0?) It also helps that their rookie class especially in the trenches has been a boom. Kenneth Walker is playing like he did at Michigan State last year. And his impact just like in East Lansing is immediate. (Exhibit A: Two long runs in this contest) Add him with Metcalf, and Lockette and you got yourself a squad. Great job Pete Carroll. The culture in 12s Country has been restored. Keep up the good work.
Chiefs vs 49ers: San Francisco in the words of Phil Collins is in a land of confusion. At 3-3 they are certainly not where they want to be, but luckily for them the NFC is a mess this year. How does John Lynch and company respond? (BOOM!) Oh boy! They decided to follow the motto of their younger brothers in the Rams by trading away everything. First Trey Lance, now Christian McCaffey, there’s no way this one will blow up. So far it’s not been good. Why? Because guess who their opponent in this contest was? Kansas City. The Chiefs may not be as explosive as they were in years prior but this is now a balanced attack. Patrick Mahomes is still elite but how can you explain their defense making positive strides. I won’t throw shade at Jimmy G because anyone is going to have problems against an Andy Reid coached team that’s dialed in. The AFC West is theirs for the taking. Well Niners fans, the long awaited revenge for Super Bowl LIV isn’t going to happen. How’s their draft capital? (Yo-Yo Sound) No picks until Round 4 welp this is the Cleveland Browns except in another conference. Have fun being trapped.
Steelers vs Dolphins: It’s ironic that the Dolphins are honoring the 50th Anniversary of their Perfect Season in 1972 against the team that they beat in the AFC Championship Game. Not only that but Brian Flores gets to go against his former team even if he isn’t the DC in Pittsburgh. Not only is Tua back but so is Stephen Ross. Miami knows that they can’t afford a loss especially with the heavyweights in the AFC especially in their division. Despite a massive swarm of Yinzers inside Hard Rock Stadium, the Dolphins jumped out to a 13-0 lead. But yet again, if Pittsburgh is going down, they’re going down swinging. Even if Kenny Pickett has been inconsistent so far, he’s doing just enough to keep this within striking distance. I know what Steeler fans are going to tell me. “Baltimore should’ve picked George Pickens in the 2nd Round.” Here’s my response. David Ojabo was a can’t miss prospect who will wreak havoc when he returns. Anyways, Mike McDaniel played NFL Blackjack in the 2nd Half on numerous 4th Downs. That’s why they didn’t blow the Steelers out of the stadium. Luckily for Miami, Pickett tried being the hero and got burned by the Dolphins elite secondary. Sticky Sand may be getting figured out, but that unit can still play at a high level. This game proves it. Well Pittsburgh, at least you’re getting TJ Watt back. Now watch them get back in the hunt just because.
Bears vs Patriots: This game felt like watching Super Bowl XX at the end of the 1985 season. The Monsters of the Midway blowing out the Patriots on a National Stage and New England experiencing a QB Controversy. Regardless of who was the QB, whether Mac Jones or Bailey Zappe, Belichick must be punished by the Football Gods. It also helps that Justin Fields is better than most people thought he was. He actually might be the first Ohio State QB to be a legit talent at the NFL level. If he keeps this up, he’ll certainly get there. The only problem is the Bears themselves. On this night, they played a solid game. And obviously took advantage of Patriots miscues. (“All Hail Jaquan Brisker!” -Nittanyville) Although when New England’s so-called elite defense gives up 30 points to Chicago, that is not a good look. The rest of the division is laughing at this sight.
Bragging Rights Sports 