Colts vs Broncos: (Nutcracker theme playing) I want to make one thing clear. This entire game deserves the honor of FOOTBALL FOLLIES for this week. There I said it. In no way should either of these 2 teams deserve this spotlight of playing on a stage like this. Well it is Thursday Night Football and only people who have Amazon Prime can see it. Just like in their game against the 49ers, Denver once again couldn’t solve the rubik’s cube of the opposing defense. Luckily for the Broncos, Matt Ryan is cooked thanks to not having a run game and being surrounded by an overrated O-Line. It’s insane that Amazon paid over $80M a week for these games. Besides the Chiefs vs Chargers game, none of these have been any good. Russell Wilson is being ruined by the clowns in the front office and coaching staff. Did they not realize that they didn’t make a single investment into the Offensive Line in the offseason. That’s why this game is going to OT even if both teams haven’t crossed the goal line all night long. (You can thank Russ throwing a backbreaking pick in the endzone too) The Colts would get the ball first. And they would take a field goal and a 12-9 lead. (Why was Chase McLaughlin selected as the AFC Special Teams Player of the Week ahead of Justin Tucker?) HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Oh that’s right, if there’s one thing DangerRuss knows how to do it’s bail out his team from certain disaster. Not even that hack of a coach that the Broncos have can stop him. Actually I take that back. Once they got into the redzone, they stalled out. All Denver has to do is kick a field goal as, WHY ARE YOU GOING FOR IT!? Do you not understand how bad your offense is inside the 10 yard line? Why do people never learn? “Surveys, good protection, slides. Broken up in the endzone!” Come on Nathaniel! You don’t have Aaron Rodgers or the Packers O-Line. Instead you got too cute yet again. I thought Vance Joseph and Vic Fangio were bad. Hackett is worse than this. Have fun being the most pathetic team in your division. (That includes the 1-4 Raiders)
Giants vs Packers: The Giants are off to their best start since 2016. At 3-1 they may not be the best team, but they are a hard working crew that stops for nothing. The question that I’ve had over the past week was how would they fare against legit opponents. So far Green Bay is out to a fast start with a 14 point lead thanks to a solid run game and defense. But we tend to forget that Saquan Barkley is a wrecking machine. And that Daniel Jones had some hype on him coming into the league. Those 2 may be banged up but it won’t stop them from trying. Those 2, plus a blitz heavy defense taking advantage of the Packers being way too cocky allow the G-Men to tie it up. Oh my goodness they’ve now taken the lead on a Saquan TD. But don’t you worry Wisconsin, Aaron Rodgers is going to bail you out once again. They may be stalling out, but it’s a 4th and Short for a team that’s excellent in short yardage situations. “Ball batted again, Incomplete! The Giants hold the Packers out of the endzone!” The fact that Green Bay isn’t 1-4 due to how they’ve played is insane. Yes they are still in the hunt but they clearly aren’t themselves. Rodgers’ late game magic couldn’t save them. New York meanwhile is off to their first 4-1 start since 2016. That game against Baltimore next week will determine whether they are legit contenders or not. (Especially since the Ravens want revenge on Martindale, MetLife Stadium, and the Kicking Net on their sideline)
Lions vs Patriots: This is the kind of game that Bill Belichick has thrived in. At home against a pretend team that thinks they’re better than what they are. Even if TB12 is gone, and Mac Jones is inactive again, it won’t stop the Patriots from getting back into the hunt. The story of this game was the New England defense. Jared Goff, like in Super Bowl LIII was mauled all game long by the boogeymen. (Even if the original cast is gone) 0-6 on 4th Down including one for a 60 yard TD on a fumble recovery. Bailey Zappe in his 1st home start did a solid job as a game manager. The run game would do the rest. They may be in last place in the high powered AFC East, but I wouldn’t count out New England, with their favorable schedule coming up they could get right back in it. I’ve seen this movie with them for a long time. (Never doubt the Hoodie, NEVER!)
Bears vs Vikings: The Vikings, one of those teams that should be better than what they are, yet they must follow every stereotype that’s in their DNA. So far even with a 3-1 record Minnesota in the words of Ken Harrelson has been winning ugly. Against Da Bears it was on full display. A 21-3 lead should have been game over. BUT, this is the modern NFL, double digit leads are useless when teams can score at will. Chicago may not have much besides Justin Fields, and Darnell Moody but even they can strike fast. In a span of 20 minutes, the Bears rally for 19 straight points, and now lead by 1. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Pure Vikings. No not the missed field goals in the clutch type of Vikings, the being bailed out by talent Vikings. Minnesota got very lucky they have legitimate stars on offense, and that Chicago’s receivers excluding Moody have butterfingers. The SkolArmy is now 4-1. As they say, winning ugly can be a thing of beauty. Let’s see if they can keep it up?
Texans vs Jaguars: Something smells really weird over here. I don’t know why but I’m guessing it’s because Doug Pederson looked past his opponent. This game proved such a belief. On paper the Jaguars should have had no trouble against the Texans. An underrated defense starting to emerge thanks to a deadly pass rush duo facing an offense past their prime. Should have been an easy win. But we tend to forget that David Johnson has some bit of talent left from his years in Arizona. Today he went back to 2015 form. Houston’s D would do the rest. However much of that is due to the Jags inability to finish drives. How do you have almost 500 yards of offense and still not score a TD? (I’m getting PTSD from the 2019 AFC Divisional Round just saying that) It’s probably because Pederson went back to making analytical mistakes like in Philly. Jacksonville, welcome back to reality. Get your act together quickly.
Seahawks vs Saints: Everyone thought that Seattle’s offense with Russell Wilson now out of town would take a massive step back. Apparently that hasn’t been the case. Geno Smith is reminding everyone why he was a good QB at West Virginia 10 years ago. The Seahawks are still one of the most explosive offenses in the NFL thanks to DK Metcalf, and Tyler Lockette continuing to produce at an elite level. (From an underrated standpoint yeah) Here is the problem. The defense. Is Ken Norton Jr still the DC? I might need to look this up. Because they let Slash 2.0 in Taysom Hill run roughshod over them. Both on the ground and through the air. The Saints may need to prove a few things, but in this game they have all the fun they want, even if it took them until late in the game to finish off Seattle. New Orleans has talent, but can they hang with legit opponents? Playing a desperate team in Cincinnati at home could be a chance to see where they are.
Steelers vs Bills: Buffalo needs a blowout win badly. The last 2 weeks they played the hottest team in football at the time, as well as another AFC power that they most likely will have to face come January. Fortunately for BillsMafia they get to feast on a Steelers team still missing TJ Watt and playing Kenny Pickett in his 1st career start. Just Lamar, Stafford, Tua, and Tannehill before him, Pickett was mauled for most of if not the entire game by that vaunted Buffalo defense. By the way, with them shutting out Pittsburgh in the 2nd Half, the Bills have set the NFL Record for fewest 2nd Half points allowed in the 1st 5 games of a season. (The 2006 Ravens had the previous record with 9) On the other hand if you had Josh Allen and Gabe Davis in fantasy, you won some big money this weekend. Those 2 were unstoppable all day long with 2 TD connections of 50 or more yards. With Buffalo out of their slump, they should be heading towards another AFC East title if they keep this up. I wonder how the rest of their division is doing.
Dolphins vs Jets: I thought Jets fans were delusional to believe that they could repeat what Cincinnati did last year. Well they did have a point. And it’s showing right here. The ButtFumble not only beat the Dolphins, they beat the crap out of them. Yes Teddy Bridgewater got hurt AGAIN, but I just don’t see Miami as a legit contender without Tua. Him getting injured is the kiss of death for them every year. I know ownership hates him, but still. That man has a higher win percentage than any QB in his draft class COMBINED! That’s the crazy part of this. Anyways the Jets just toyed with the team that robbed them of what should have been theirs in the 1983 Draft. I thought the Jets were trash after the Ravens beat them badly in Week 1, it turns out that they just needed their QB1 back. Zach Wilson has looked good in these past 2 games. I want to see how they do against Green Bay next week. (If the Jets can beat the Packers, OH BOY!)
Titans vs Commanders: The media tends to talk about how the Dallas Cowboys have beaten Carson Wentz like a pinata every time that they meet. They all forget that there is another team that loves hitting such pinata. The Titans. (Exhibit A: Last year when Wentz was in Indy) They may not be the contender they’ve been in the past, but they are still a good football team. The game may be sloppy for a majority of it but Tennessee needs to show the league that they are still a playoff team. All it took was a deep pass from Ryan Tannehill to make sure of it. Trailing by 4 the Commanders are trying to change the fortunes of their season. They have mounted a long drive taking up 5 minutes of clock. At the 1 yard line with 10 seconds left, Washington has a shot at winning. “Wentz, quick pass, (Death Music in Super Mario 3D Land) AND IT’S INTERCEPTED!” Hail to the Deadskins. The most Snyder way to end a game. Victory being in grasp, only to choke it away at the 1 yard line. Tennessee may have just kept their contending window alive right there. The AFC South is theirs for the taking. Unless the injury bug returns.
Falcons vs Buccaneers: The Buccaneers need a pick me up game after 2 straight losses at home. They may be looking to rediscover their identity so a matchup against the Falcons at home is just what they need. Early in the game, Tampa Bay was up to their old tricks, by jumping out to a 21-0 lead with Tom Brady slinging the ball with ease for the 1st time all season. But if there is one mistake that Todd Bowles made in this game, it was take the foot off the gas. Atlanta may not have the talent they’ve had in years prior but they have mental toughness. They put 15 unanswered points to make it a 6 point ballgame. Really Tampa? You’re not gonna lose to a division foe at home aren’t you. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Oh God! Grady Jarrett just sacked TB12 on 3rd and long. BUT WAIT! (BEEP!) We have to remember that Jerome Boger is the master of BS Roughing the Pass calls. Just like he did with Brandon Stephens roughing Josh Allen a week ago, Boger flagged Jarrett for a very questionable roughing the passer call. That allowed the Bucs to run out the clock. I’m starting to believe that the NFL is scripted in some ways. There was no way that the league was going to have THE FALCONS win this game and take 1st place in the NFC South. Now just imagine if Calvin Ridley didn’t commit a Pete Rose? Atlanta may have won this game if he were playing. (Either way I feel like there was no way the NFL could afford Tom Brady being behind a flyover team in that division)
Chargers vs Browns: The Schedule of Death has begun for Cleveland. Their 1st challenge happens to be another desperate team in the Chargers. So far the Browns have taken an early lead thanks to Nick Chubb running roughshod over the Bolts weak D-Line. But like last year, Joe Woods’ defense had no answers for Justin Herbert. Keenan Allen may still be injured but that won’t stop the rest of their attack from faltering. Late in the game, the Chargers have a 2 point lead. This game should be over but Brandon Staley decided to be an idiot and go for it in his own territory to put the game away. We’re not in 2021, the Browns aren’t letting you do that twice to them. With an extra chance, Cleveland can now win it with a field goal. “Good snap, good hold, the kick by York, WIDE RIGHT!” (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) The Football Gods show no mercy. The Browns just like in their game against the Jets had a win in their grasp only to blow it. LA got really lucky thanks to a typical Cleveland meltdown. With the Ravens, Bills, and Buccaneers among others on the horizon, things could get ugly by Lake Erie. Let me guess Jimmy Haslam is getting desperate right now. BOOM! (Browns trade for Falcons LB Deion Jones) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Next year they won’t be picking until the 4th Round. 1st: Texans 2nd: Cowboys 3rd: Falcons)
49ers vs Panthers: (Pink Panther playing) In 2 years time, the Carolina Panthers have gone from a team on the rise to perhaps a gongshow that makes the Houston Texans look humble in disguise. We all figured that when they brought back Cam Newton last year and forgot that he was on a downswing it was the moment that their front office jumped the shark. David Tepper, just like many other owners in the NFL, failed to value the Offensive and Defensive Line. Yeah he did so in the draft, but you also have to get those guys in free agency or develop them. In this game against San Francisco, the Panthers were dominated in the trenches yet again. Baker Mayfield, just like Kyle Allen, Cam, Sam Darnold and many others before him, is being ruined by the NFL’s newest glue factory. The final score doesn’t tell the story, the 49ers blew them out right from the opening kickoff. At 1-4 the Panthers have assembled their first mega tank since 2010. How can this get worse? (Matt Rhule fired, Ben McAdoo becomes interim coach, WTF is wrong with you?) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I can’t stop laughing so hard, whether it’s the Browns situation or this mess I can’t help it)
Eagles vs Cardinals: Philadelphia vs the Cardinals. Regardless of what sport it is, the matchup is intriguing. Considering that the Phillies knocked off the baseball Cardinals in the Wild Card Round, the Eagles will try to do the same to the football Cardinals. Arizona is going to put up a fight thought. This is the toughest competition from a game standpoint that Philly has had all year. Jalen Hurts had his moments thanks to a few 50/50 plays going in his favor, but the story of the day was the defense. Kyler Murray is not only trying to make his team somehow relevant, he is also trying to save his coach’s job and prevent their trade for Marquise Brown from looking like a bad idea. Somehow, some way, the Cardinals managed to tie the game. Even as the Eagles managed to retake the lead, Arizona still has a chance to win the game. However Kyler committed the kiss of death by sliding short of the line to gain on 2nd Down. With no timeouts left, they had no choice but to spike the ball and play for OT. Matt Amendola has been off all day but this is a 43 yard kick for a team that is clearly missing Matt Prater. “The ball is spotted, the kick is away, it’s got the distance, NO GOOOOOOOD!” (I had to use Merrill Reese’s call on Eagles Radio) This is why having Prater takes away the pain. Philadelphia is now 5-0. The entire city has optimism at insane levels. Please don’t tell me I might have to jump on board. (I will still follow the Ravens and Bucks at a high rate, but look at what’s happening!) Can I really count on that?
Cowboys vs Rams: The Rams got punched in the mouth last week by their boogeyman from the 1980s. Today they get the reward of being punched in the mouth by their boogeyman from the 1970s. And worse, SoFi Stadium is once again dominated by opposing fans. In this case, it was swarmed by Dem Cowboys again. (They took it over last year when they played the Chargers) Dallas other than a strip sack and long TD by Cooper Kupp dominated this game right from the word go. That new age Doomsday Defense made Matt Stafford uncomfortable from the outset. I wouldn’t want to block Parsons and Tank Lawrence if I were you. As for the other side, LA had no answers for Zeke and Tony Pollard. Just like in Dak’s rookie season, the Cowboys are beating teams by means of defense and the ground game. Speaking of Prescott we still have no idea when he’ll return. I feel like it all depends on how Cooper Rush does against the Eagles next Sunday Night. If Dallas wins, Dak is in the same situation that Tony Romo was in when Prescott himself arrived. Now he may be on the other side of the QB Controversy. (How many QB battles have the Cowboys had since Jerry became owner)
Bengals vs Ravens: (Camden Yards Siren) (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!) Marylander: WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM RAVENS! WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM RAVENS! NOOOOOOOBODY! (“John Harbaugh, all is forgiven” -Talking Heads at ESPN)
Raiders vs Chiefs: I don’t care what the final outcome was. The Las Vegas Raiders got absolutely trolled both figuratively and literally. What do expect its by the same thing that has robbed them throughout the 1970s. Zebras. However that was not the case early in the game. Las Vegas went up 17-0, and 20-7 in the 2nd Quarter. Chris Jones was called for a BS roughing the passer call, this game is over right now! (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) I wouldn’t call this a Mahomes led comeback, more like the Raiders getting victimized by REFBALL. Most of the Chiefs scoring drives in the 2nd Half were aided by penalties. (Both during the drives, and in terms of field positioning) All the makeup calls in the 1st Half went in favor of Vegas, too bad that Kansas City will get them all in the 2nd Half since the NFL according to conspiracy theorists like RaiderNation is a scripted league. You know what is disgusting? The Raiders got called for defensive holding on a field goal try. That never happens, and there wasn’t even evidence. Now we realize that the officials in some ways are being mind controlled by the talking heads at ESPN because they want to crown Mahomes all day long. However Vegas, despite giving up a touchdown after that BS call, came right back with a TD of their own. (This is why you trade two 1sts for Davante Adams) Too bad that Jon Gruden I mean Josh McDaniels got too cute and went for 2 and the lead. Well the Chiefs tried doing it to put the game away, why not try one of our own? Here’s the problem. Red Zone defense is just that good. Luckily for the Raiders they are getting another chance. But then REFBALL came into play again. Davante Adams was robbed of a catch that would have put Vegas in field goal range. Instead KC holds them off to maintain 1st place in the AFC West. How many breaks have the Chiefs gotten in the Mahomes era? At least 4-5 every year. Can people stop acting like this team is invincible? They are clearly beatable. Either Buffalo, or perhaps Baltimore will expose them if the time is right.
Bragging Rights Sports 