(In the Air Tonight playing) (“What will define us down the road, is how we respond to adversity.” -John Harbaugh) Narrator: Tonight in Charm City, there is a vibe. A Black noise hovering around the Ravens. (Black noise meaning 71,000 fans wearing the same color) Telling them this game can define their season. The Bengals are what the buzz is about. 2 solid wins after a disappointing 0-2 start. (Plus a fanbase that rivals Sacksonville in arrogance) The Reigning AFC Champions, a team looking to get back to where they were just one year ago. But the sense around here is that they are ready to be taken. Just the feeling in Baltimore, that fate is ready to smile on John Harbaugh’s team. Bengals, Ravens, ON SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!
(Sunday Night Football Theme from 2012 playing)
Bragging Rights Sports Presents: (WELCOME TO THE GREATEST ATMOSPHERE IN ALL OF THE NFL!)
A Maryland Culture Production (THE BLACKOUT IS HERE! WAITIN’ ALL DAY FOR SUNDAY NIGHT!)
CHARM CITY BEASTS
The Unrivaled Themed Story of the Baltimore Ravens
(THE MEN IN BLACK ARE READY TO CAUSE CHAOS)
Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker, Marlon Humphrey, Marcus Peters, Rashod Bateman, JK Dobbins, Calais Campbell, Kyle Hamilton, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, Mike Macdonald, Eric DeCosta, Sashi Brown, Steve Bisciotti, Edgar, Allan, with Poe, and the Salty Marylander/Narrator Michael Hession.
Location: M&T Bank Stadium Opponent: Cincinnati Bengals
(Season 3) Episode 5: Take Back the Night (2022 BLACKOUT Game)
R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Narrator: Oh Sunday Night. Poe: Whistling (The Greatest Experience in the NFL) Marylander: OOOOOH! SUNDAY NIGHT! Edgar/Allan: Whistling (And here we go) Narrator: It’s that time of the year. It only happens once a season, but it’s finally here. BLACKOUT WEEK! (This may be earlier than expected this year, but it’s still a fun time to be a Ravens fan) This year’s edition comes at a perfect time. After a 2-2 start in which most of their fans’ minds should be 4-0, the Boys in Purple are looking to make a statement once and for all. Here’s the backstory: Against the Dolphins and Bills they had 17+ point leads and lost each time. Both in controversial fashion. Most of the heat on these losses were directed completely towards Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. Although in his defense, the 4th Down calls in those games were the correct decisions, it’s just too bad their execution was poor. It hasn’t stopped all of those spoiled fans and perfectionists from throwing him under the bus. Like he said after the loss to Miami, Harbaugh pointed out that the way we respond to this is how we’ll be defined. He certainly is right on point. With his mindset, that shouldn’t be a problem.
However just like after they got blown out by Houston in 2012, the defense started a locker room wide mutiny. Marcus Peters, like Terrell Suggs before him, was upset about some of Harbs decisions. In his case, they should have allowed Buffalo to score to give them enough time to counter. Instead the defense was confused on whether to let them score or not. That allowed the Bills to kick the game winning field goal. For the 1st time all season, the criticism shined down on the Roman Empire. Due to banged up playmakers, an exposed O-Line, and playing against the #1 defense in the NFL just happened to be too much to overcome. Luckily for the Ravens the O-Line should improve as long as Ronnie Stanley returns soon. (Considering that he would have had to face Von Miller in this game just like he faced Maxx Crosby last year, it was wise to sit him) However that doesn’t stop the fact that both Carmelo Anthony and Kevin Durant called him on Social Media out for that 4th and Goal play call. To be fair, Trestman, Moringweig, Cameron, and Cavanaugh would have gone for that too and done worse. Following his 1st down game of the 2022 season, Planet LJ has decided to remain calm after the late game offensive meltdown. He has pointed out that we need to have better execution in the 2nd Half. However, much of it was due to the offense being forced into 3rd and Long situations due to penalties. Speaking of REFBALL, it played a major role in not only getting the Bills back in the game, it basically allowed them to get into field goal range and end the game. Committing more penalties in this game than in the 1st 3 combined has ticked off Johnny. He said that those played a huge role as to how Buffalo got back in the game, we need to clean those up in a hurry. Considering that the NFL probably had money on the Bills winning, and that their next opponent is the pretty boy of the AFC, I’m guessing that they’ll have to be prepared for nonsense like this.
After last week’s meltdown the Fire Harbaugh campaign in some ways has begun but don’t tell that to the diehards like me who know this organization better than anyone. This nonsense makes those fans forget that this was exactly the same thing that happened to Brian Billick when he lost the locker room after Ray Lewis and Ed Reed suffered season ending injuries in 2005 during a 2-8 start. Billick, despite this nonsense, got another year out of all this and went 13-3 the very next year. (BUT… he was let go after a contract year in 2007 where he flopped) With Boy Wonder I could see the same right here. With the schedule being pretty favorable from Week 6 or 7 on, his opinions are expected to change. (Just don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be fine) Poe: Whistling (I don’t want change, consistency is a key to success) Narrator: Poe, I’m with you. Patience is the name of the game. Poe: Whistling: (It sure is) Narrator: Hey Poe, you want to play some Pictionary? Poe: Whistling (Oh yeah, I got a special one for you) Narrator: Alright, this time you’ve got 1 minute alright. Poe: Whistling (Just what I need) Ready? GO! Poe: Whistling (Lets see, a large box) Narrator: I see a huge square. Poe: Whistling (Let’s put a person in the box. We’ll have him behind bars) Narrator: Oh I think I know what it is? Poe: Whistling (Hold on I’m not done. Let’s draw a few people over here) Narrator: So far so good. Wow, the timer hasn’t gone off and you’re already finished. Poe: Whistling (I like to draw with speed and accuracy) Narrator: So it appears that Poe drew a picture of himself plus Edgar and Allan locking the Bengals Mascot Who Dey in a cage. Edgar: Whistling (That’s more like it) Allan: Whistling (When can we play?) Narrator: Boys, you can play next week which means we’ll have a Pictionary Competition. All 3: Whistling (Thanks buddy) Narrator: You’re welcome.
This game to the Ravens means so much to them in the grand scheme of things. Not only are they out for blood after the Buffalo game last week, they now get to face the team that everyone in Baltimore loves to hate. Cincinnati. The team that gave the Boys in Purple two of the worst beatings in franchise history a year ago. Joe Burrow last year passed for almost 1000 yards in those games as the Bengals won easily. (That and there was the scene where 2 Bengals fans climbed into the Ravens Broadcast Booth) There was a catch. In neither of those games were the Ravens anywhere near full strength. (18 players on IR/COVID List in Week 7, 35 players on IR/COVID List in Week 16) That didn’t stop Bengals players, coaches, fans, heck even the local news sources from gloating about how they and Cleveland would trounce Baltimore and Pittsburgh for years to come. Eli Apple and Jermaine Pratt calling Planet LJ a Return Man and the Worst MVP ever during the offseason were appetizers for what was to come in terms of the roasting department. The worst according to the talking heads in the Baltimore Media, would arguably come from Lou Anarumu who by the way was the Ravens Secondary Coach during Lamar’s MVP year in 2019. He said that Lamar could win 12 MVPs and 5 Super Bowls, and he wouldn’t be an elite QB. Oh by the way Joe Burrow and Joe Mixon both smack talked the Ravens defense, and said they would torch them for years to come and wreck the league. (That and their fans calling John Harbaugh a hypocrite) However this week the Ravens got even more bulletin board material. Stephen A Smith called not only their defense trash, but playmakers around Lamar Jackson. (Can he stop criticizing my two favorite teams?) Marlon Humphrey made it clear during a press conference that all they see on the TVs inside the Under Armour Performance Center is takes from First Take, Undisputed, Good Morning Football about the secondary being garbage. It wasn’t local poster board material either. Not only did a Cincinnati News anchor call Lamar Jackson overrated while doing a game preview, a rap artist named Kid Cudi released a song called Burrow just 5 days before the game. Twisting the knife, one of his lyrics in the song was “Slicing up that Raven D.” (This song was played on NBC prior to kickoff as well. The NFL wants us to lose don’t they) Poe: Whistling (SHOTS FIRED!) Allan: Whistling (You had one year and suddenly you think you’re the pretty boys of the league) Edgar: Whistling (If the Bengals can talk that much crap, they better prove it on the field.) Narrator: Boys, you’re right. And with several Raven Legends, plus a few celebrities in the house, it will be the toughest environment that Cincy has faced since the AFC Title Game at Arrowhead last year.
(RavensNation by FreeState Workshop playing) Just like we have done for nearly every important Ravens home game since this series began, we sent the always fired up Salty Marylander to the confines of M&T Bank Stadium to witness the action. Let’s hear what he has to say? Marylander (Live): YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE AT BLACKOUT NIGHT IN CHARM CITY! WHERE THE BENGALS AND RAVENS BEGIN THEIR AFC NORTH QUEST ON SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Folks, this is what everyone in this city wanted. The chance to embarrass Joe Burrow and the Bengals once and for all. Will the Ravens get a year’s worth of revenge, or will it be identical to what we saw a year! Narrator: I like the impersonation of Brent Musburger right there. Edgar, Allan, you boys ready for your first all stadium Blackout since coming out of retirement? Edgar: Whistling (Oh yeah, I can’t wait to see us beat up Joe Burrow) Allan: Whistling (I can’t wait to run out onto the field with the lights turned out) Narrator: Sounds like you two have come ready to play. Hey Poe, are you excited? Poe: Whistling (Absolutely, I wish I was going to be on the field with my bros, but I’m fine sitting in a skybox while trying to rest my knee) Narrator: Hang in there Poe. If we want to be able to bring you back this season we need to win this game. This is where it starts. How’s the Salty Marylander doing? Marylander: M&T BANK STADIUM! WELCOME TO THE BLACKOUT! ARE! YOU! READY! FOR! RAVENS! FOOTBALL!
Narrator: Well it looks like he’s fired up. Even better news thanks to having a job acquaintance with Mike Man’s wife, the Salty Marylander got an inside scoop of the Bengals offense. With Macdonald’s knowledge of an offense that is ever so similar to the one at THE Ohio State University, Joe Burrow would be knocked around early. (“But Burrow is used to playing in this kind atmosphere” -Bengals/2019 LSU Bandwagons) Turns out that Marcus Peters was ticked off at some of the comments JaMarr Chase threw at him during the week. Poe: Whistling (You can’t talk smack at someone when you’ve never faced them 1-on-1.) Narrator: True that. As for the other side, it would become a chess match between the Roman Empire and another former Harbs assistant. On their opening drive, the Men in Black used bizarre trick plays thanks to the speed of Devin Duvernay which got them into scoring range. But Anarumu’s defense wasn’t going to make it easy. As a result, JT makes a 37 yarder for the first points of the game. Even if they didn’t get 6 the Ravens were in good hands. The defense made sure of it. The woes that consumed the Bungles whole on the O-Line returned. Jason Pierre-Paul and Calais Campbell had free paths to Burrow. Each of them had a sack which led to a 3 and out. Edgar: Whistling (Cincy spent the most money on lineman this offseason, and still has terrible O-Line development that goes back to the 90s) Narrator: I like the history point. With a short field thanks to a shanked punt by Kevin Huber, Planet LJ was spreading things out. Duvernay, DeMarcus Robinson, and Mark Andrews all had catches on that possession. The one by GoldMine went for a touchdown. 10-0 B-More. Marylander (Live): “YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!” (That Blackout crowd is deafening) Narrator: The Ravens were clearly in control of the game. They held Cincy to another 3 and out thanks to a sack from the steady veteran Josh Bynes. Allan: Whistling (He was shot out of a cannon on that one) Narrator: Indeed.
Look at this, the Ravens are marching the Bengals right out the door! (YoYo Sound) And then G-Ro got too cute with the play calling as Jackson was picked off by Vonn Bell. (“Don’t you dare stomp on Mo!” -105.7 the Fan) It’s at this moment where Cincinnati finally woke up on offense. With their big play specialty taken away from them, Burrow used short passes to Joe Mixon and Hayden Hurst to get down the field. Hurst capped off the drive with a touchdown to make this a close game again. By halftime the Bengals had fought back to tie the game at 10 a piece. To anyone watching this game, there was no surprise that after 30 minutes the 2 teams would be locked in a battle for survival. (Hot in Herre playing) Even Nelly was on hand to witness the events, (As was Josh Charles, Kodak Black, etc.) his performance at halftime was something to behold. And guess who they brought out. “RAY LEWIS!” “OH! ………. WANT A LITTLE BIT A HOT HOT! AND A LITTLE BIT A!” The Squirrel Dance was out in full effect. The energy would certainly be high for the 2nd Half. Especially on defense. The Ravens had a chance to regain the lead yet were burned by Planet LJ putting just a bit too much juice on 2 passes that could have been for touchdowns. The 2nd missed pass was on 4th and 2. Oh god we’re in trouble again. (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) This is what a great reality series does, just when you think you know what happens, you don’t! On the very next play Burrow was picked clean by his old LSU teammate and fellow National Championship MVP Patrick Queen. (PQ always plays well in a Blackout. But we need consistency in the rest of the games) Baltimore didn’t need to do much afterwards since Justin Tucker made a 58 yard field goal to go up 13-10. (Thank god there wasn’t any wind on this night or that would have been short) Next came an element that Ravens fans have seen for years especially against players who the media loves. REFBALL. Joe Burrow had yet to take his chances down the field. Well he did, and got away with PI call on Marcus Peters which would have led to 4th Down had that never happened. Due to three separate PI calls and taking advantage of Marcus Williams suffering a broken wrist, the Bengals marched to the B-More 2 yard line. (OH CRUD! Stop with all the injuries)
Instead of pounding the ball in with Mixon, Zac Taylor knew that the Ravens run defense especially near the goal line would be hard to score on. 1st Down play, incomplete intended for Hurst. On 2nd Down, they wanted to run a Philly Special since it worked for them 2 weeks ago against the Jets. This time, Juiceman knew what was coming. He decked Tyler Boyd back at the 15 yard line for a loss of 13. Even if they got those yards back on a completion to Chase. Diet Pokemon had a decision to make on 4th Down. Send out Evan McPherson to tie the game up, or roll the dice against Mike Man’s defense. Well Taylor must have seen what Boy Wonder did last week against the Bills, and he decided to get cute. “They empty it out 4th and Goal, Burrow rolls, looks to throw inside, incomplete!” Well Bungles, now you know how we felt. Marylander (Live): “YESSSSSSS! TAKE THAT ZAC TAYLOR!” Narrator: That was a kick in the teeth for Cincinnati. Why? Because Roman played keepaway. With timely passes, and Planet LJ using his dual threat abilities the Ravens were marching towards a potential put away touchdown. But on a 3rd Down, Isaiah Likely was stopped short of a 1st Down at the 3 yard line. Harbaugh was right back in the situation he was in against Buffalo the week before. This time however he learned from the past. Considering that many coaches throughout the NFL this weekend had made bad decisions on 4th Down, Johnny wasn’t going to fall into those traps. They settled for a field goal and 16-10 lead. (They lined up to go for it, but only did so to try and draw Cincy offsides) The Bengals had a daunting task ahead of them. Trying to take their 1st lead of the night, against a Blackout atmosphere, with Enter Sandman having just played minutes earlier. Just as they did on their 1st TD drive, Burrow and company played the patient game despite it not being their playstyle. Mixon and fellow RB Samaje Perine were the catalysts. With key 3rd Down conversions, Cincinnati took off 7 minutes of clock and scored with 1:58 left to tie the game pending the extra point. How will this get crazier? “Snap is high, and this one is good.” That was too close to call. I’m not gonna argue the kick going over the upright because we had this same thing happen in our favor against New England 10 years ago on a night like this. For the 1st time all night the Bengals were in the lead, every Raven fan thought this can’t be happening again. But then 3 words changed the emotions of every fan in attendance. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! (It’s funny how the guy who plays Mighty Mouse sounds exactly like M&T PA Announcer Greg Davis) High! End! Talent! Lamar, using both his arm and legs, single handedly got the Ravens into field goal range in no time. With 3 seconds left it comes down to one kick. A 43 yarder from the middle of the field, here comes JT right here right now. We need a live reaction from the Salty Marylander. Marylander: “Come on JT! Please! ……… (FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED) YES! YESSSSSSS! (Camden Yards Siren) THE RAVENS HAVE WON IT! OH MY GOD THIS IS HEAVEN! YESSSSSSS!” PAUSE.
(Take Back the Night playing) Narrator: JT! This man is clearly a living legend! How many kickers in NFL History have this kind of ice in their veins? No one besides Vinatieri, Morten Andersen, and Matt Stover. The ending proved one thing. Bengals fans’ take of Evan McPherson being the best kicker in the NFL are vanquished for now. Tucker just took him to school with those clutch kicks. Poe: Whistling (Didn’t the Salty Marylander play Justin Timberlake on his earbuds during warmups) Narrator: Yes he did my man. And it was fitting. Edgar: Whistling (JT, with JT playing in the background, nothing like it.) Narrator: Clever phrase Edgar. I wonder how Allan is doing? “Allan: Whistling (Hi guys) Kathryn Tappen: Hey, what’s happening? Allan: Whistling (Loving life) Rodney Harrison: Can’t be walking behind a brother like that. Allan: Whistling (My man) Tappen: What’s up Allan. First home win of the season buddy, high 5. (Also the 1st home win for Edgar and Allan since Week 7 of 2007 against the then St Louis Rams) Allan: Whistling (Boom!) Harrison: You got anything to say? Allan: Whistling (BIG TRUZZ!)” Narrator: Wow looks like Allan was having fun with the NBC crew after the game. Poe: Whistling (I wanted to come down, but I had to talk with Edgar in the box since I’m still having trouble walking) That’s cool Poe. Where’s the Salty Marylander? Marylander: Sir, I’m here for duty sir! Narrator: Can you give us a roasting of the Jungle? Marylander: Sure.
I can safely say that the Bengals Media Network and bandwagon fan base deserve every single negative comment that comes their way. THIS! IS! KARMA! You treated us like this last year, now it’s our turn to return the favor just like in 2019 and 20. I don’t want to hear about Tee Higgins being banged up. Marcus Williams broke his wrist, Rashod Bateman was inactive, Ronnie Stanley was on a snap count, half of the Ravens offense, and pass rush wasn’t on the field in this game, and you still couldn’t beat us. YOU ARE PATHETIC! Remember when your Twitter account said that the florist stores would be out of business thanks to claiming that this would be a funeral for the Ravens hopes? WELL GUESS WHAT! ALL THE FLOWERS YOU GOT WERE FOR NOTHING! (They learned nothing from the Steelers in Week 1, and got roasted by the Steelers Media Crew) BECAUSE WE’RE STILL ALIVE AND KICKING YOUR ASS AGAIN! THE NEW FRONTIER WAS NEVER HAPPENING! TAKE THAT STEPHEN A SMITH AND SKIP BAYLESS FOR CALLING OUR DEFENSE TRASH! OH MAN NOTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS! WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM RAVENS! WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM RAVENS! NOOOOOOOOBODY!
Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylander: Come on, use me up until there’s nothing left! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylanders: Ravens Nation is indeed back up again! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylander: OOOH! Don’t know when the Bank is gonna rest! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylander: Planet LJ and the D just passed the test! Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylander: Take Back the Night Ooooh! They gonna try to shut us down, but we won’t stop until we win. Edgar/Allan/Poe: Whistling (TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!) Marylander: Take Back the Night Ooooh! Harbs is a fighter that’ll finish, plus we’re not gonna give an inch! All: TAKE BACK THE NIGHT! R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!!! (The Insufferable Ravens fans are out of their cages again)
Bragging Rights Sports 