Dolphins vs Bengals: In some cases, the Bengals Marketing Team felt like geniuses for making their game against Miami a Whiteout. They know that next week, they will face a similar atmosphere than the one they are playing in on home soil. The Dolphins may be 3-0 and just knocked off the Ravens and Bills, but even they couldn’t handle the Cool Kids from the Queen City. For the 1st time all season, Joe Burrow looked relaxed. He allowed the game to come to him. He let Tee Higgins basically do the rest. Although Miami missing both of their top corners had plenty to do with this. How can this get worse for the Fish? BOOM! (OH NO! THERE’S A MAN DOWN!) I knew it. Tua shouldn’t have even been playing in the 1st place. Any time you suffer a serious head injury in the NFL, it usually takes a week to recover. But on a short week, Miami rushed him out and they had to pay the price. You know what’s insane. This is an organization that did the same thing to Chad Pennington over a decade ago and they ruined his career. The Dolphins should be a much better organization especially with the talent they have, but they can’t have anything good due to the Curse of the Sea or Hands. So in this case, Teddy Bridgewater has to come in. And he did alright. However the kiss of death was the late game INT which led to the KO from the Bengal offense. Cincinnati may be 2-2 but the question I have is are they still a force like last year or is the Super Bowl Hangover real? You know what’s insane? They have played 3 backup QBs and Mitch Trubisky in their 1st 4 games. None of those offenses are considered top notch. Next week, they’ll get to face an elite QB alright. And he’ll be out for blood.
Vikings vs Saints: The 1st game of the year played overseas. In this case we have 2 teams looking to keep up with the jones’ in the playoff hunt. For the Saints, Famous Jameis won’t be offering his international flare of turnovers. An injury put an end to that. Instead New Orleans has to trot out the Red Rifle in Andy Dalton. In Dalton’s case, he looked good. He kept mistakes to a bare minimum. That allowed the Saints to have just enough horsepower to keep up with Justin Jefferson and Minnesota’s fast pace offense. Even if Will Lutz nailed a 60 yard field goal to tie the game, the Vikings still proved why Dennis Allen shouldn’t be near a head coaching job. His awful game management tendencies and not being able to adapt to the modern offense, allowed Minnesota to take the lead with 25 seconds left. However, HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Even if Drew Brees has been retired for 2 years, the Saints still have plenty of High End Talent up their sleeves. Let’s see if Lutz can make another 60 yarder. “The kick is away, the kick is up, it is, (Death theme in Super Mario 3D Land) oh it hit the crossbar and bounced off!” (I had to use the Saints Broadcast call because they couldn’t believe it.) Double Doink II. That is an easy pick for FOOTBALL FOLLIES. (Maybe not so easy but still) Yes Lutz tried to become the 1st player ever to have 60 yard makes in a game, but the Football Gods said no soup for you! Now it’s the Vikings that are benefiting off of missed field goals at the end of games. 2 weeks in a row to be sure. The race between them and Green Bay is going to be heated isn’t it.
Bills vs Ravens: Can I at least recap this game and not have to separate it? (Sidevoice: Sure) Thank goodness. Anyways the Ravens have a chance to make themselves legit again in a home showdown against the Bills. It will be harder for them since M&T Bank Stadium has been swarmed by the Almighty BillsMafia. (You can thank the not-so-tough Marylanders for selling their tickets on SeatGeek) So far the Boys in Purple have jumped out to a 20-3 lead but that’s more due to Buffalo’s offense being a bit too sloppy in the early going. Lamar Jackson and the Ravens offense have been steamrolling teams to this point but one element changed the whole fortitude of this game. REFBALL! Just like in last year’s Blackout game, Jerome Boger was trying to bring karma to Ravens fans after the Bay Area called him out in the Super Bowl 10 years ago. An Offensive PI call against Mark Andrews, and a no-call on Jordan Poyer allowed the Bills to stay alive. That’s when Josh Allen finally woke up. As did their defense which by the way became the 1st team since the 2019 Patriots to give up only seven 2nd Half points total in the 1st 4 games. (Those points came last week against Miami on a 3rd and 22) Just like they did against LA, Buffalo took advantage of a bad O-Line and the Ravens losing JK Dobbins and Rashod Bateman to minor injuries. Not to mention both teams’ offenses have had trouble navigating through the rain. (Or it’s because both defenses have had outstanding track records against the other’s offense) The Ravens at least for their sake have a chance to pull ahead. Despite being under countless pressure all day, the NFL obviously having money on the Bills, and ESPN rooting against him, Planet LJ has a shot to make himself known again as a legit MVP candidate. They even got it down to the 1 yard line. But got stalled out on back to back plays thanks to more exposing of the O-Line due to the Bills outstanding LB core. On 4th and Goal, John Harbaugh has 2 choices. 1: Kick the field goal and have the risk of giving up the game losing TD because Allen has been on a tear over the past few drives. Or 2: Play NFL Blackjack by going for it. Fortune favors the bold as… Marylander: Why aren’t you playing for the field goal, why is this play so bad, OH MY (Censored) GOD! WHAT THE (Censored) THIS IS SUCH (Censored) THE (Censored) BOY WONDER! YOU (Censored) YOU (Censored) WHIPPERSNAPPERS! (It’s the right decision because of having to deal with Josh Allen on the other side, but once again the Bills Front 7 forced the mistake) (Censored) AND FOR (Censored) HELL! YOU CAN’T SCORE AT THE GOAL LINE BECAUSE OF ALL THESE OFFICIATING (Censored) PAUSE. Narrator: Yes that may have been questionable, but at least the Ravens stopped them on a 3rd Down. BEEP! “Personal Foul, Roughing the Passer, Defense #21.” Marylander: What? WHAT! WHAT IS THIS CRAZY NONSENSE! ALL OF THIS TIME AND YOU STILL DON’T WHAT IN THE WORLD ROUGHING THE PASSER IS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Narrator: That BS call, and excellent clock management by Ken Dorsey compared to the mess he had last week allows the Bills to leave town as winners. How many conspiracies are Ravens fans going to have? Poe being injured, a 10-10 record at home since getting rid of Lee Greenwood and U2, Greg Roman being overmatched, Steve Saunders being a hack? Also can we please stop the Fire Harbaugh campaign? He has a chance to redeem himself next week in a situation that he has thrived in. (He has never lost a Blackout Night Game, and is 18-3 at home in primetime) Poe: Whistling (Please calm down. We need positivity) Narrator: Thank you Poe, you’ll help me get through this. (I am going to the Blackout next week against Cincinnati, PLEASE DON’T LOSE THAT GAME!)
Jets vs Steelers: Last week every Yinzer was calling for Mike Tomlin to bench Mitch Trubisky in favor of their new lord and savior Kenny Pickett. Today they will get their wish. The Steelers once again played down to their competition, or am I wrong to say that since they are missing TJ Watt, and Zach Wilson is also back on the field? I don’t know. After throwing 3 INTs in the 1st Half, (2 of those were called back because of penalties) Trubisky was finally benched for Pickett. And not even the highly touted rookie could stop the turnover parade from coming. But that’s not fair to say. Pickett played well right up until the 4th Quarter. Pittsburgh took a 20-10 lead but then. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) I thought John Harbaugh was the only coach in the AFC North that is being criticized. If you think the firing takes that Harbs is getting right now is bad. The ones for Tomlin make the Marylanders look like choirboys. The defense made no adjustments against the Jets offense as Zach Wilson got them back within 3 points. Just when the Steelers think they have control of the game, Pickett gets picked off, and the Jets are set up for a chance at victory. “They’ll give it to Hall, looking for the end zone but he LOST THE FOOTBALL! But they rule it a touchdown!” 2 things surprise me, 1 that the Steelers have looked awful since TJ Watt got injured, and that the Jets are 2-2. It may be a long year in Pittsburgh especially with their upcoming schedule. They could be 1-7 at their Bye Week. Luckily for the Yinzers Kenny Pickett is now their starting QB. Speaking of which, how is Pitt Football doing? BOOM! (Georgia Tech upsets Pitt as 21 point underdogs) (Zombie Nation playing) PSU Student Body: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WE ARE PENN STATE! WE’RE WINNING THE BIG10 THIS YEAR! OHIO STATE AND MICHIGAN MUST SUFFER!
Browns vs Falcons: Tell me O’Muse about a team with injuries and a hack of an owner going against what should be soft prey in the Falcons? Well in this case, the Browns offense excluding their 2 headed running attack have done nothing but give momentum to the other team. Today they did. Atlanta jumped out to an early 10-0 lead. But we tend to forget that Cleveland does have some talent left over. They get back in the game. Even if both teams’ defenses finally broke out of slumps, this is a game that figures to be going right down to the hire. I take that quote about the Browns defense making progress back, their entire unit got bashed by Marcus Mariotta in the 4th Quarter. Even if it didn’t lead to 6, the Falcons have a 3 point lead with 2 minutes left. All Cleveland has to do is play Mighty Mouse and they’ll win. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! The Browns played Mighty Mouse alright, it’s just that they failed their mission to win the game. Somehow the ATL has false hope after a 2-2 and are tied with the Buccaneers for 1st place. The Dawg Pound may have suffered a death blow. They are 2-2 but here’s the problem. Cleveland has to face the SCHEDULE OF DEATH coming up. They could very well be 2-9 or 3-8 when Watson returns, and by then it’ll be too late. Sidevoice: You had an opportunity, and you blew it.
Seahawks vs Lions: If you were to tell me that the Seahawks would be able to keep up with one of the most potent offenses in the league so far I would have given you the weird look. Here is why. Detroit has no pass defense. People think the Ravens secondary is soft thanks to playing elite offenses, they aren’t looking at this flyover unit. In this game, the Lions defense did everything in their power to win. The problem was they had no answers for DK Metcalf or Geno Smith. You know what’s funny. Geno has the highest completion percentage in the league by almost 7%. It also helps Seattle that Rashard Penny is finally living up to his 1st Round potential. It may have taken a while for him to gel, but it’s a good sign. The Seahawks are a hard team to judge. They are 2-2 and are so far winning the Russell Wilson trade. I need to see how they do against the Rams and 49ers?
Commanders vs Cowboys: HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS!? Well it doesn’t matter who their QB is at this point, the Dallas machine that was hyped up in the offseason is taking no prisoners. Cooper Rush is certainly a nice stopgap option while Dak is out with injury. This was his coming out party if someone wants to get him as their future franchise face. Yes CeeDee Lamb had a big game, but Rush has looked relaxed in these 3 games he’s played. (Dak could learn from that once he returns) But the main story for Dem Boys? The defense. The 3 headed monster of Diggs, Parsons, and Tank Lawrence feasted on Carson Wentz for the 1st time in almost 2 years. It felt good didn’t it. To all those that thought the Cowboys were done after Week 1, sit down and let Jerry Jones and his massive fanbase lorde over you all. At 3-1 Dallas is looking to legitimize themselves again. The next 2 games in LA and Philly will answer that question. (I see plenty of McCarthyism and being bailed out by High End Talent in those games)
Titans vs Colts: Life comes at you fast in the NFL. Last week Indianapolis shocked the football experts by beating Kansas City due to sed sloppiness from the Chiefs Special Teams. This week the Colts get their rivals in the Titans. And Tennessee early on as expected was off to the races. We’d think they are. King Henry XXII, like last year, got off to a slow start, but now he’s kicking some ass again. (Good to see even if I hate him) With a 14 point hole to climb out of, Indy like last week put all their eggs into the arm of Matty Ice. Once again it’s working. The Colts chipped away and got back in it, but they still trail by 7. All they need is one drive that’ll send this game into the uncharted waters of OT. “It’s Taylor, trying to navigate, just needed a little. (OH NO!) That ball may have come out loose. Tennessee’s claiming they’ve got it. AND THEY DO!” We now all know who the best RB in football is. It’s still King Henry, Jonathan Taylor’s fumble allows the Titans to retake the lead in the AFC South. That was a typical Vrabel game. Doing everything they can to win, while frustrating their fans at the same time. Maybe this one will get them back to playing up to their potential. Solid win boys.
Bears vs Giants: Just as I thought it would be. 2 teams that are clearly worse than their record facing off in an matchup. The name of the game was defense. Even if both the Bears and Giants D’s had outstanding games for the most part, someone just had to break through. In this case it’s the G-Men. Nothing warms my heart than seeing Saquan Barkley owning people like a boss. He is pretty much their whole offense to this point, and maybe the only reason why the Giants aren’t in the Tankoffs. That and having better coaches than the previous regime did. The Bears false hope is slowly fading and at 2-2 who knows where it’ll take them. New York on the other hand even with the win has plenty of questions to answer. Can they compete against contenders? 2 games against Green Bay and Baltimore will prove where they are at this stage of the rebuild.
Chargers vs Texans: Remember last year when the Texans spoiled the Chargers push towards a playoff spot and set up Vegas to knock them out? Well you should because the result will be much different this time. The Diamond Dogs of LA had no issues handling perhaps the premier tank show of the league. Even as Houston nearly came back, Justin Herbert was able to flash those elite skills that made him the media darling of the West Coast. Austin Ekeler too. This was the Bolts get back game. There still are plenty of questions that need to be answered about them but this was a positive sign after what happened against the Jaguars last week at home. Speaking of which…
Jaguars vs Eagles: The Eagles are flying high. At 3-0 they have been the talk of the league with perhaps the best roster they have boasted since their Super Bowl title in 2017. (Or their Super Bowl run in 2004) Speaking of that year, they get to face another major contributor to that championship season. Doug Pederson after getting run out of town in 2020, makes his long awaited return to the Linc with a Jaguars team that has made noise over the 1st 2 weeks. They even jumped out to a 14-0 lead which included a pick 6. But then the talent of Philadelphia comes back in a hurry. Jacksonville was dominated from the point where the Eagles scored their 1st touchdown. Any hope that Duvall had was put on hold for a week. To be fair Philly needed this win. Considering how the rest of their division, excluding that damn good culture in Washington, is right on their tails, they need all the wins they can get. At 4-0 they remain the last unbeaten team in the NFL. The 1972 Dolphins are going to have a close watch on this team since it’s been 50 years since their perfect season. COUNT ON IT SHULA!
Cardinals vs Panthers: I don’t care what the final score of this game is. Carolina should be pressing the giant red panic button right now. The Panthers have no clear direction, or identity even with the splash move of Baker Mayfield. The Cardinals haven’t looked good all season, and yet the Panthers made them look like their 2008 vintage. Matt Rhule shouldn’t be near a sideline. At all. He’s another one of those coaches that is great in college, but is exposed at the NFL level. Not even Steve Spurrier was like this. It gets worse, Baker was benched for fellow 2018 1st Round pick Sam Darnold. And he did just as bad. You know what I find interesting. Carolina has been a gongshow ever since the NFL forced Jerry Richardson to sell the team thanks building statues of himself and ranting with Roger Goodell. That’s insane. Well it turns out that even unlikable owners know what they are doing. The Wrath of David Tepper never ends!
Broncos vs Raiders: The Raiders may be 0-3 coming in but they at least aren’t the most pathetic team in their own division. That would go to the Broncos. If their defense didn’t turn into their 2015 vintage they would be winless at this point. Do you understand why everyone thought Nathaniel Hackett would be Adam Gase 2.0? It’s because if you get carried by an all-time great, it makes you forget about his past mistakes. This is the kind of offense that Hackett had in Jacksonville. Overrated receivers, terrible O-Line, banged up run game, and lack of an identity. Russell Wilson I hate to tell you this but you’re the next victim to be trapped inside the Elway Gongshow of QBs. Just like every one of them since #7 retired, he must be punished behind a weak excuse of a line. The Raiders didn’t even have to try and they were still going to win. Remember how you guys laughed at Josh McDaniels after the 1st 3 weeks. How does it feel now? That’s what we call revenge. Well it’s going to give Vegas a small sense of hope going forward I guess.
Patriots vs Packers: Does anyone think that the Patriots can hang with Green Bay and Lambeau with Brian Hoyer. (Sidevoice NOPE!) Well guess what, they can. It just won’t with Hoyer, he’s out of the game and out with injury again. In comes 3rd string Bailey Zappe to take his place. This was a game dominated by defense. Both Belichick and Matt LaFleur took turns on exposing the other’s offense. New England all of a sudden has the lead. That’s insane. Well we must give the hoodie some credit for keeping up without Mac Jones. That was until the Packers came back and tied the game again. Aaron Rodgers despite his 1st Half struggles had a nice bounceback in the 2nd Half. Even if REFBALL prevented a potential game winner with 2 minutes left. All that’s left is simple. Overtime. Both teams went 3 and out on their opening drives. (All the Pats needed was one 1st Down and that would have been it) Then Green Bay puts an end to this one. Timely 3rd Down conversions, and the running game will do the rest. Now Mason Crosby can end it. “For the win, from 31, Crosby, right down the middle!” The Packers with this win, remain tied with Minnesota for the NFC North lead. (Thank god they won, because they wouldn’t have heard the end of it had they been tied with the Bears in the standings) It was an undeserved win but they’ll take it. The Patriots may be 1-3 but this was a good effort by them. I wouldn’t count them out so quickly. With a soft schedule coming up, they could right back in it with or without Mac. Good luck, Belichick!
Chiefs vs Buccaneers: This was supposed to be a much hyped battle between Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes. What it turned into was Andy Reid getting his revenge for Super Bowl LV. It started right from the opening kickoff. Once Kansas City recovered that fumble, they were off to the races. Who needs Tyreek Hill when you have JuJu, MVS, and Kelce. It also helps that the Chiefs defense turned the clock back to the days of Marty. Dominating TB12 all night despite the Buccaneers getting back all their receivers. I won’t blame Brady that much since KC needed to win this game to retake the lead in the AFC West. Tampa Bay, despite a 2-2 start still in my opinion has a clear path to the NFC South even as the Falcons are right on their tails. How will things heat up for Brady? BOOM! (Tom Brady and Gisele hire divorce lawyers for potential breakup.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (No one outside of Tampa Bay and Boston feels bad)
Rams vs 49ers: Everyone believes that the 49ers dominance over the LA Rams began back in 2019 when they made the Super Bowl. That may be true but it gets worse for Stan Kroenke. San Francisco actually has owned the Rams since the 80s. Last year’s NFC Championship may have been LA’s chance to get back at them, but narratives must be restored. The Niners in this game played the role of the Zodiac Killer. Destroying Matthew Stafford, causing chaos to the Rams O-Line, but instead of victimizing the Bay Area, the localists were pleased with the result. Especially since the defense again put up points on the board against little brother. It may have taken a few games, but Jimmy G is back to what he was in 2019. Excellent Game Manager, who knows how to win. You know what’s funny. All 4 NFC West teams have a 2-2 record. If there is any division that is more bizarre than that one, I want to hear comments over this.
Bragging Rights Sports 