“I think the Ravens are cheap, there are plenty of people that think that Baltimore has run its course, Lamar Jackson should demand a trade, this is a poverty organization, they need another wide receiver, the Bengals and Browns should destroy this division, why is Greg Roman still the Offensive Coordinator, Sashi Brown is a recipe for disaster.” Marylander: Oh doctor, all the talking heads around the country on ESPN, and Social Media are trying to get in our heads. They know that we thrive on being doubted. Yet they are afraid to admit it. Here is the truth, ALL THESE WHIPPER SNAPPERS WOKE A SLEEPING GIANT!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Tyler Linderbaum, Patrick Ricard, Calais Campbell, Marlon Humphrey, Kyle Hamilton, David Ojabo, with John Harbaugh, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander, Poe plus Yinzers, Browns and Bengals fans.
Season 2 Episode 21: Calm Down Flock
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Ah it feels good to do one of these again. Since the free agency period began the talk around the Under Armour Performance Center has been certainly chatty. The Ravens have tried to get their hands on some free agents, some they have succeeded on. Calais Campbell made it clear during Super Bowl week that he wouldn’t retire after 2021, after a couple of weeks on the free agent market Captain MonStar decided that his best interest would be staying in Baltimore. Campbell after signing a team friendly deal now has 2 more cracks at winning that elusive Super Bowl Ring that he has certainly dreamed of. (They also re-signed Josh Bynes to that exact same contract) Another big free agent that was on the market was Patrick Ricard. It’s rare that a fullback with his talents hits the market but the good news is that there aren’t many teams in this day of age that value that position. (Ex. Ravens, 49ers, Patriots, Vikings, and a couple others) Luckily for Project Pancake he also resigned a team friendly deal, although it’s for 4 years. Building in the trenches has always been a Ravens trademark and to have success in the playoffs you need to have a solid O-Line and Front 7. Marylander: I’m sick and tired of the phrase “Offense wins Championships” IT’S STILL ABOUT DEFENSE IN THE PLAYOFFS! Narrator: I agree with you, running the ball and playing good defense will get you a title if you have the personnel to pull it off. Poe: Whistling (Old School Football, just the way we like it!) (Tropical Music playing) Narrator: Poe why are you dressed as a lifeguard? Poe: Whistling (Our annual Beach Bash in Ocean City MD is coming up and was wondering if you’d like to go.) Narrator: Poe, I’d love to go but I already have plans for the summer, and I don’t want to spend $650 a night for 3 nights. Poe: Whistling (Ah shucks.) Narrator: I’ll still be at training camp this summer to see our guys begin “The Redemption Tour” though. Poe: (Oh great) Narrator: Speaking of warm weather, hey Poe, can you get me a Ravens Colored Snow Cone? Poe: Whistling (Sure, I’ll get one for myself too) Narrator: Thanks.
Anyways, the talk of the offseason in terms of free agents was a bidding war between the Ravens and the Defending Super Bowl Champion Rams. The prize was longtime Seahawks Linebacker Bobby Wagner. Many Ravens fans were clamoring for DeCosta and Sashi Brown to get the 8 time Pro Bowler in Purple and Black. While he was in town, Wagner not only had a visit with Harbaugh he also took in a meal at Jimmy’s Seafood. They even offered him free Crab Cakes for Life if he signed with Baltimore. There was one problem. (YoYo Sound) His hometown was Los Angeles and he wanted a chance to expand his brand in terms of media coverage. Charm City isn’t the most attractable city if you get what I mean. (Plus considering how dangerous the city is could be why many free agents stay away from there due to their own nightlife) Even if the Ravens offered Wagner more money than the Rams there was no way he was leaving his hometown. Wagner signed in LA for 5 years at 14 million a year. That’s a good contract for Years 1 and 2, but this could be bad towards. Marylander: OF COURSE HE’D SIGN IN LA WHY WOULDN’T HE! THIS IS WHY THEY ARE THE NEW EVIL EMPIRE! STAN KROENKE IS THIS GENERATIONS GEORGE STEINBRENNER! Narrator: Exactly, this signing is like the Yankees preventing Jose Contreras from signing with the Red Sox in 2003. Poe: (Here’s your Snow Cone by the way) Narrator: Oh thank you Poe. Ah I enjoy a Grape Snowball. Anyways, there was another hot topic that ticked off many of the long time fans. Jason La Confora of NFL Network called out the Ravens Front Office after not signing Wagner or getting a WR in a trade. In a shocking turn of events (DRAMATIC MUSIC) He called them the Orioles of the NFL and said that Bisciotti was a cheap owner. Yes you can say that the Ravens have problems getting superstars on the open market, but it’s mostly due to the circumstances of being a small market team. No star player is going to want to go towards Downtown Baltimore at night if it’s not towards the Camden Yards complexes. Plus in today’s NFL, you are seeing many big market teams throw ridiculous amounts of money in free agency. If you were to call the Ravens cheap, you could say the same about the Patriots, Steelers, and Packers. Teams that have excellent player development don’t need to spend money in free agency. It’s because they know what they’re doing.
I know that today’s NFL is more balanced towards the superstar offenses based on free agency and the draft. The Reality is, the player development system that the Ravens have is something that many teams would dream to have in this age. I know people are going to say that DeCosta needs to follow the Bengals motto but that’s not based on a run of success. Cincinnati lucked into 2 generational talents based on being the worst team in football 2 years in a row and an entire conference tripping over themselves with injuries and offensive self-destructions last year. I don’t know if they can sustain that considering how stacked the AFC North is. Plus there was another controversial trend this offseason that had many of the older fans like me angry. There were many Ravens fans mostly under the age of 16 claiming that Planet LJ should be traded to Miami. Marylander: OH COME ON! Narrator: This would be like if the Orioles traded Cal Ripken in 1988 which they almost did. I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus, but let me be clear. The people that are saying that the Ravens are cheap and that Lamar should be traded are spoiled fans. THERE I SAID IT! They don’t understand the definition of being true Ravens fans. You aren’t a true fan unless you followed the team in the Ray Lewis years regardless of the coach and QB. (Most of the Ravens fans that came with Lamar are bandwagons and only care about offensive firepower, I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!) The foundations of this football team are the run game and defense. Lamar is a major asset but he enjoys having less pressure on himself thanks to the guys around him. I wonder how he’ll respond to those tweets and messages on social media? BOOM! That’s my QB! He’s telling all those talking heads to stop with all the rumors. Jackson isn’t focusing on a new contract, he wants to go out there and prove his doubters wrong. Poe: Whistling (Shades of 2012 Joe Flacco) Narrator: That’s right Poe! All Social Media did was wake this young man up and allow him to start working out with his receivers. Even if Hollywood Brown deleted all his Ravens pics, Planet LJ is starting to form excellent chemistry with Rashod Bateman. Those 2 have been working out more than anyone on this roster over the course of the offseason. They’ve been in Florida on a daily basis and Jackson is starting to read defenses much better than he did in his 1st 4 years. Even if Lamar is telling management to not trade his BFF, he has told DeCosta that they need to build a wall around him. One of the reasons why Baltimore collapsed and finished 8-9 last year? They had the worst O-Line in franchise history. The game against Miami in Week 10 where the left side of the line got destroyed by Sticky Sand is all you need to know.
He’s not the only one that has been making headlines on the roster this offseason. 1 year after Marlon Humphrey tried hooking up with Zendaya, and trying to star in a bootcamp series, the man they call Fruit Punch has decided to keep things calm. In a quiet offseason by his standards, Humphrey did make one headline. He started his own show for RAVE-TV called Studio 44. The show features Marlon interviewing Ravens players, coaches, executives, and possible celebrities. Poe: Whistling (I wonder who he will have on set?) Narrator: Poe I’m with you on this. In the 1st Episode he interviewed GM Eric DeCosta, both of them were chatting about the upcoming NFL Draft, and Marlo asked the question of “Who do you think we will take this year?” EDC claimed that “We will draft the best player available.” The 2022 NFL Draft would be an interesting draft for the Ravens. Entering the 3 day event in Las Vegas, Baltimore had 9 picks in the 1st 4 Rounds. The most by any team. In fact they held the 14th overall pick, which in Ravens terms is very high. There were a few glaring needs at the time. Depth at CB, a C, a DE/OLB, a DT, a P, and depth at TE. According to most pundits myself and the Marylander included, the Ravens were expected to draft Georgia DT Jordan Davis, there was one problem. “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh’s old boss beat him to it. Philadelphia not only drafted Davis at 13, (The pick before the Ravens) but traded for AJ Brown, and lucked into a game changing LB in Nakobe Dean in the 3rd Round.
You’d think that the Eagles would be the runaway winners of this year’s draft. BOOM! Oh how wrong you were. Guess what happened with the very next pick? “The Baltimore Ravens select… Kyle Hamilton, Defensive Back Notre Dame.” (Broadway’s Hamilton Theme playing) Marylander: How does a generational talent with elite versatility somehow drop into the laps of the Ravens? Narrator: I have no clue but I like the Hamilton reference. Marylander: Thank you. Narrator: I wouldn’t get too comfortable because of what DeCosta did seconds after the selection. Poe: Whistling (Why?) BOOM! Narrator: EDC just fleeced the Arizona Cardinals! Poe: Whistling (How’d he do that?) Marylander: The Ravens may be criticized for not developing receivers thanks to a run-heavy scheme over the years but that Marquise Brown guy BLASPHEMOUS! He’s a headcase, a total diva that is a distraction to the rest of the receiver room. He may enjoy playing Madden during downtime and doing TikToks with Lamar but he wants out because of the fact that he isn’t getting the ball enough. (“Give me the Damn Ball” -Every Star Receiver) He got traded to the Cards on Draft Night as soon as EDC heard an offer he couldn’t refuse. Narrator: It may have cost them Lamar’s BFF, but they were able to get an extra 1st and 4th Round pick. I know everyone is going to say that Planet LJ tweeted (Sensored) about the trade, but in reality it was because Jackson had no idea that Hollywood was already in Arizona on draft night before the trade even happened. Luckily for Ravens fans, Jackson was informed by Harbaugh and DeCosta about this trade. He’ll be fine, it’ll just take some time for him to adjust without his buddy. And look at that, the Ravens used the 1st Round pick they got from the Hollywood Trade to draft another generational talent. No it wasn’t a skill player but one of the top Center prospects of the last decade in Tyler Linderbaum. At Iowa he was a huge reason for why the Hawkeyes were ranked #2 in the country after 6 weeks of the 2021 College Football season. Even better news for Marylanders was that he was training with Ravens Legend Marshal Yanda while preparing for the draft. If Linderbaum plays like he did in college despite being undersized and having small arms, this like the Hamilton pick should be a Hall of Fame career. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh you thought the Ravens would be done with getting generational players in the draft. Would you believe that they got a 3rd with their 2nd Round pick? “The Baltimore Ravens select… David Ojabo, Linebacker, Michigan.” (Good to see Matt Stover and Josh Charles announce the Boys in Purple’s 2nd and 3rd Round picks) Yes Ojabo is coming off a torn achilles that he injured at Michigan’s Pro Day in March, but he should be back by October. If healthy the pairing of him and Odafe Oweh could be one of the most deadly pass rushing duos in the league. Considering that Ojabo played with Oweh in High School, and that he played with Macdonald at Michigan this should be a recipe for success. I wonder what will motivate this heavily determined squad. The Miz: With the 68th pick of the 2022 NFL Draft, the 2023 Super Bowl Champion Cleveland Browns! FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! Marylander: OH NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN! CAN BROWNS FANS STOP DOING THEIR BEST LEAFS-NET IMPERSONATION!!! PAUSE.
Narrator: Anyways The Miz like Machine Gun Kelly lit a fire in every Marylander’s heart by saying that the Browns would win it all. They forget to realize that yeah their team and new QB have been owned by Baltimore for decades. The Ravens following this declaration would take perhaps the most underrated DT in the draft in Travis Jones out of UConn. If he went to let’s say Alabama, he would be a sure fire 1st Round pick. 4 elite talents in 4 picks, that’s an excellent start… BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Baltimore had a modern day record 6 4th Round picks to work with. They drafted a 380 pound tackle, recreated their 3TE formation, drafted 2 excellent depth corners, and the successor to Sam Koch (WE ARE!). Koch’s retirement stings me, not just for his contributions but for sentimental reasons. He was the last guy remaining from the Brian Billick era. At that time it was unknown about what kind of fortunes that the Ravens would have in future. In Koch’s rookie year they went 13-3 and lost to Indianapolis in the Divisional Round, the next year they went 5-11 and everyone not on the defensive staff left by firing or contracts being up. Koch was lucky to play with not only Justin Tucker but also the other great Ravens kicker in Matt Stover. I’m glad they replaced him with Jordan Stout, I loved watching him at Penn State, and now I get to see him in B-More for years to come hopefully. Anyways, even with winning the draft in almost everyone’s eyes there was still some criticism in the air. There were still some fans and pundits that said the Ravens should have drafted a receiver after Hollywood got traded. Poe: Whistling (Can we stop with that?) Narrator: I agree with this. The doubters don’t know what they are thinking. I’m looking at you Emmanuel Acho. Rashod Bateman though came out with vengeance. He went on Twitter and claimed that this receiving core that the Ravens have could be underrated. The tweet said “We can, and we will! Y’all talk too much.” (Bateman doing his best Jerry Kramer impersonation, LOVE IT!) Poe: Whistling (Thank you Bateman, we’ll be fine.) Narrator: I agree, Poe. Even NFL Network’s Kimmi Chex claimed that Rashod is due for a breakout 2nd year. Poe: Whistling (Awesome, plus I heard she looks good) Narrator: Poe you crack me up! Poe: Whistling (I can’t help it, but it’s fun) Narrator: I know right, ok.
Now we get to the big topic of discussion. The debate of who the team to beat in the AFC North is underway. Every fanbase in the division is growing insufferable, in particular the 2 teams in Ohio. Salty Marylander and Poe, do you guys mind asking them about how those teams stack up to the Ravens. Marylander and Poe: Sure. Whistling. Narrator: Alright, I’ll talk to Cincy, Poe you get the Dawg Pound, and Salty Marylander, do you mind going into the YinzerMob? Marylander: Yessir. (A few hours later) Narrator: Alright you media darling Bengals fan, I need to ask you a few questions. Bengals fan: What are they? Narrator: Here’s the first one, what did the media say to you to get you attracted to the hype of Joe Burrow? Bengals fan: It’s because he’s so hot. Narrator: Um, I don’t think that’s a strong enough answer, let me repeat myself again. WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU TO GET YOU ATTRACTED TO THE HYPE OF JOE BURROW!? (I had to use the musical accent, just so I could get her to have a legit answer) Bengals fan: Well it’s because they said he has a great arm, he’s likable, everyone rallies around him, he has a cool attitude, and he can beat any defense on a given day. Narrator: Good answer, I can understand that. Next question, how do you guys view the Ravens defense? Bengals fan: I think they are a good defense, I like the Kyle Hamilton pick of yours but overall, I think JaMarr Chase is going to run circles around you again. Narrator: Oh be careful you haven’t seen Marcus Peters against him yet. Bengals fan: Oh he isn’t as good as he once was. Narrator: You may be right but anything can happen. Anyway, last question. Do you think the AFC North will be close or will it be a runaway? Bengals fan: Oh we will run away with this division. We upgraded the O-Line and Secondary, we’re winning this division by 3-4 games. Narrator: Wow, that’s a bold take right there. I said the same thing a few years ago after the Ravens went 14-2 but here is the thing. If you’re going to talk that much smack you better be able to back it up. Don’t be like the #Sacksonville teams, ok. Bengals fan: Sounds good. Narrator: Alright, it was great to talk to you and wish you luck for the 2022 season. Bengals fan: Thank you, Go Bengals! Narrator: Ok enjoy the rest of the offseason. Poe, how are things going in Cleveland? Poe: Whistling (It’s good, these Dawgs just won’t shut up.) Narrator: Can you translate what they are saying? Poe: Whistling (Yes, they think Lamar is a RB, and Deshaun Watson is the best QB in football) Narrator: Browns fans have crowned themselves offseason champions for the last 4 years. Don’t listen to that garbage. Poe: Whistling (I got a good one, THE RAVENS HAVE OWNED THE BROWNS FOR 25+ YEARS!) Narrator: That’s why you’re a Top 5 Mascot! Poe: Whistling (Thanks buddy!) Narrator: It seems like you are getting into similar conversations that I get into with Browns fans on social media. Salty Marylander, how are those Yinzers? Marylander: Well they think Kenny Pickett is the next Big Ben. All they keep saying is that it doesn’t matter if his hands are tiny, and that he played in a weak ACC, Pickett will become the next Big Ben and take the Steelers to the Super Bowl. Narrator: I think I’ve heard that quote a bunch. Marylander: Yeah they think our rivalry with them is still going though. Narrator: The Ravens Steelers rivalry is never dead, it doesn’t matter how good the teams are, whenever they play, chuck the records out the window. Marylander: Exactly, RAVENS GOING TO SUPER BOWL! Narrator: I like that phrase very much. Before we wrap up I’d like to take time to mention that the Ravens Super Bowl XXXV team is getting their own 30 for 30 doc on ESPN. Marylander and Poe: Sweet! Whistling. Narrator: I don’t know when it comes out but I can’t wait to see it. Poe: (I’m for sure watching this with Edgar, and Allan) Narrator: Oh I know you are. And I can’t wait. That concludes this episode of Charm City Beasts, we’ll have a schedule skit with me and my 2 pals coming soon in a few days. Stay tuned. R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS!
Bragging Rights Sports 