This week has everything on the line. Many narratives and past reputations are on the line with many storylines occurring around 4PM Eastern Standard Time. Enough introductions let’s get to the games with the least importance first before the good stuff happens. DON’T! GET!! ELIMINATED!!! (There will be salt, plenty of salt from teams that come up short.)
Hogs vs Giants: A game that was both ugly on paper and ugly to watch lived up to expectations. The Giants capped off their agonizing season with another dud against a division rival. Jake Fromm once again got destroyed by his O-Line and the Hogs Front 7. 2 interceptions and a lost fumble. Saquan I recommend you to leave NY and join a real team this offseason. You’re too good of a RB to fail behind that line. As for Washington they at least have a bright spot to end the year by sweeping the hated Giants. In reality this game means nothing but it’s always good to beat a rival twice. Giants fans want Joe Judge out of the Big Apple but I don’t think he’s the problem. That explanation will be discussed later on.
Bears vs Vikings: Both the Bears and Vikings are doing everything they can to save their own coaches’ jobs. Both of them are most likely getting fired. Early in this game the Bears jumped out to a 14-0 lead in no time. But like most games Matt Nagy happened. Plus you need to consider that the O-Line for Chicago is also a dump. This was also a typical Kirk Cousins game. Roasting teams that are below 500 there’s nothing like it. Once Patrick Peterson returned a late game pick for a TD this was a lost cause for the Bears. The Vikings at least get a decent draft pick even though massive changes are coming in the organization. Chicago meanwhile is entering quicksand. Their 1st Round pick, a Top 10 pick, is in the hands of the Giants. The McCaskeys are most likely blowing things up in the executive branch and coaching staff. It looks like they want a game changer as their coach. Now watch them get Greg Roman!
Bengals vs Browns: With the AFC North locked up the Bengals have decided to rest Joe Burrow among others for next week’s Wild Card game. Ja’Marr Chase only played 1 series but still set the rookie record for receiving yards in a season. However Cincinnati like earlier in the season was beat up by the Browns running game. I have to ask Cleveland one question, where was this all season? Yes they played mostly 2nd stringers on the other side but this was supposed to be a weekly thing for the Browns offense. Turns out that the Football Gods wanted to troll them. Case Keenum played well and now people are wondering who the QB will be next year. It’s still going to be Baker according to GM Andrew Berry, but we all know Jimmy Haslam is tired of living in the shadows of the Rooney’s and Mr Bisciotti. They are either keeping Mayfield for another year and hoping for a return to 2020 form or sending their future for Deshawn Watson. Plus Cap Hell is coming thanks to the dead cap hits to OBJ and Sheldon Richardson. Cleveland doing Cleveland things, that’s how this year can be described for them.
Packers vs Lions: Green Bay, unlike what they did in 2011, have decided to not rest Aaron Rodgers and their weapons on offense. They instead rested players on defense. That turned out to be a wise decision because the Packers secondary is banged up and Jared Goff needed a revenge game from last year. He was back in 2018 form and the Lions offense put up 37 points. Then LaFleur decided to rest Rodgers and the offense in the 2nd Half. Green Bay’s win streak is over and despite losing to Detroit they still locked up the #1 seed and have homefield throughout the playoffs for the 2nd year in a row. Just don’t turn into the 2002-03 Eagles ok. As for Detroit they did suffer a blow. BOOM! They ruined their well designed tank. Honestly it may be for the best since they need DBs instead of pass rushers. You know what this means? The Jaguars win the tank bowl for the 2nd year in a row! (SUCCESS!) They will most likely get a generational talent in Aidan Hutchinson. Just don’t ruin him and Trevor Lawrence like the Browns did with Tim Couch and Courtney Brown in the early 2000s. Ok.
Cowboys vs Eagles: With their playoff spot locked up, the Eagles have decided to rest Jalen Hurts and several starters on both sides. They at least got to see DeVonta Smith break the franchise record for receiving yards in a row by an Eagles Rookie. Besides that and Philly fans chanting “DALLAS SUCKS” all night this was an uneventful night for them. The Cowboys meanwhile decided not to rest their starters so that they could build some momentum for the playoffs. And they did. Dak Prescott threw 5 TDs and was unstoppable for much of the evening. The defense after a slow start against Gardiner Minshew succeeded as well. Dallas wins and gets the 3 seed in the NFC with a stellar 12-5 campaign. Philadelphia meanwhile drops down to the 7th seed and has to face the Buccaneers on the road next week. Do you remember what happened the last time the 2 teams met in the playoffs? “That’s intercepted! At the 10, to the 20, GOING COAST TO COAST RONDE BARBER!” (The last NFL game at Veterans Stadium. Don’t mention that to Eagles fans)
Panthers vs Buccaneers: Carolina has decided to keep Matt Rhule for another year since they need to see how good of a coach he is with a superstar QB and because he isn’t halfway through his 7 year contract. That day hasn’t happened yet. What happened to the Panthers in this game is that the Buccaneers needed target practice for the playoffs and they just happened to be the targets. Sam Darnold once again played 2nd fiddle to Brady. Looks like the Jets weren’t the only ones that fell for his spell. 3 years ago Darnold was hailed as possibly the #1 pick in the draft. Now he is getting the same sentence as Josh Rosen and perhaps Baker Mayfield. Overhyped, turnover chef, ruined by a bad organization, and his reputation going with him. (Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson are laughing in the background somewhere) What else happened in this game? Not much, only that Tampa Bay clinched the 2nd seed in the NFC. Even if they still have the whole AB Aftermath to deal with it won’t stop the fact that Tom Brady is going for Super Bowl win #8. Sometimes the only things you can control are yourselves.
Now that the meaningless games are out of the way, let’s get to the games with major playoff implications. First on our tour is the Top Seed in the AFC. The Titans need a win against the Texans to lock up homefield, if they lose and the Chiefs win. Kansas City gets the Top Seed and the wonders of ESPN crowning them de facto AFC Champs. I hope the latter doesn’t happen.
Chiefs vs Broncos: Denver has an attempt to play spoiler. Drew Lock may be starting again but he at least is putting up a good game. 2 rushing TDs early on as the Broncos take control of the game. Kansas City despite fighting for the #1 seed at all costs is struggling against a stingy Denver defense. Heck the Broncos have the lead going into the 4th Quarter. They have a chance to make plenty of salt at this very moment. “They hand it off to Gordon and he FUMBLES THE BALL! (Benny Hill playing) It’s going to be a fumble return for a touchdown by Kansas City!” Are you kidding me! HOW MANY BREAKS ARE THE CHIEFS GOING TO GET THIS YEAR!? And oh not to mention the Broncos decided to kick a field goal on their next drive instead of going for the tie. I get the logic, their defense is elite. But here is the issue. Patrick Mahomes is the opposing QB. His reputation in close games is up there with Brady, Rodgers, and Big Ben. Denver can’t get a stop and the Chiefs win the game to maintain their hopes for the #1 seed. Now all eyes are on Houston.
Titans vs Texans: Tennessee is ringing with optimism. King Henry is coming back from injury in the playoffs and all they need is a win over the Texans and the #1 seed is theirs. The Texans may be long gone from playoff contention but they are trying to play spoiler. The Titans and Ryan Tannehill open up the game with 3 1st Quarter TDs, but Houston is trying their best to come back into it. Despite Davis Mills putting up 300 yards passing, the Texans still had no answers for the Titans passing attack. With AJ Brown and Julio Jones back at full strength this offense could be getting deadly. As a result of this game, Tennessee gets the #1 seed in the AFC. Hopefully for their sake the part time owners of Nissan Stadium won’t be able to spoil their party. Let’s see how they do. (Patrick Mahomes may have to play on the road in the playoffs. Lets just hope Joe Burrow doesn’t ruin Nashville like the Titans did to Lamar Jackson and Baltimore. If that’s the case, then this league is rigged)
Our next stop is Part 1 of the AFC Wild Card race. The Colts need a win over Jacksonville to get back into the playoffs. If they lose they will need help from the Ravens to get in. Baltimore needs a win, a Colts loss, a Dolphins loss, and a Chargers loss to get in. The Steelers meanwhile need a win, a Colts loss, and the Raiders and Chargers game not to tie. How will this play out?
Steelers vs Ravens: (Charm City Beasts Doc)
Colts vs Jaguars: Colts can you explain what is going on here? You’re in a gimme situation against the worst team in football with a win and in scenario. I get that you haven’t won in Jacksonville since Andrew Luck was there but WHAT IS GOING ON!? Carson Wentz went from savior of the team back to being the joke of a player he was last year with the Eagles. They made the other Josh Allen look unstoppable, and Trevor Lawrence look like the prospect he was hyped up to be. I don’t think the Jaguars are acting like clowns today. BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE CLOWNS! You looked like a dark horse Super Bowl Contender 2 weeks ago after wins against the Patriots and Cardinals only to crumble the same way you did early in the season. WHERE WAS THAT IN THIS GAME!? Your MVP candidate Jonathan Taylor, he had his worst game since the 2019 BIG10 Title game with Wisconsin against Ohio State. Even if the Jaguars won they still get the reward of the 1st pick in the draft because the Lions beat Green Bay. As for you Indy, the Irsays are sentenced to where they belong, the dark corners of the elimination room!
Colts ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): What a difference 2 weeks can make in today’s NFL. A team that had Super Bowl ambitions over Christmas self-destructed but they at least overcame a 1-4 start to nearly make the playoffs. Now I have no idea what they do with Carson Wentz? He still has 3 years left on his deal so they are stuck with him. They need to give him weapons. That’s a hard choice to make. In fact this is a 2 for 1 special. This game as well as events that shortly followed also officially cancels the Annual Maryland Festivus!
Ravens ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): Total heartbreak and banged up bodies in every sense of the word. This may be the biggest What If and most agonizing season in Ravens History and that’s saying something. An 8-3 start only to lose 6 in a row. A collapse that rivals 2004, and 2007. They shouldn’t have been anywhere near the playoffs with the amount of injuries they had but I’ll give Harbaugh and his staff credit for getting them this far. All I can say is at least Cap Hell isn’t coming for another season. As long as this unit is healthy next year they should be back. That’s all I can say. (Also the Ravens win this year’s Injury Bowl, yay?)
The next destination on our tour is the AFC East where the Bills can lock up the AFC East for a 2nd straight year against the Jets. If not and the Patriots win, the wonders of BillsMafia will lose their cools over New England supremacy yet again.
Patriots vs Dolphins: The City of Miami has been a haunted house to the Patriots for much of the Belichick Era. I don’t know why it’s been like this for them. The Dolphins dominated for much of this game thanks to another team being unable to solve Sticky Sand. Tua on the other hand played a solid game overall and used a few early scores to help build the lead. Mac Jones couldn’t keep up thanks to the aforementioned Sticky Sand blitz. Miami finishes the season strong with an 8-1 swing after a 1-7 start. I don’t know what to think of New England in the playoffs. Other than the Jags game last week they have been flat. And who knows how they will fare against legit foes in the AFC.
Jets vs Bills: Buffalo meanwhile claims the AFC East by default thanks to the Patriots loss. Just like New England, the Bills have major flaws as well. They lack an elite running back, a Run and Shoot offense rarely succeeds in the playoffs, their O-Line has taken a step back, and they usually struggle against stronger teams. In a game against the Jets all of their flaws were exposed. Yet they still won because the defense pushed around Zach Wilson. They only allowed 5 net yards through the air. If their defense plays up to their potential they will have an easier path in the playoffs, but the offense needs to wake up. Luckily for BillsMafia they win the AFC East for the 2nd year in a row and get New England next week. I will warn you. If you are going to win, you need to do it on the ground. (Sub Zero Temperatures are coming to Buffalo next weekend. OUCH!)
The last division that has yet to be secured is the NFC West as the Rams have a 1 game lead over Arizona. All they need is a win or a Cardinals loss to clinch the division.
Seahawks vs Cardinals: Seattle may have had what can also be considered as a What If season but they at least are trying to prevent the Jets from getting a higher pick. (Thank the Jamal Adams Trade for that situation) Even against a Cardinals team fighting for a division title they ended those hopes with Russell Wilson doing what he normally does. Torching his opponents for big play TDs. Rashod Penny in a span of 3 years went from the most questionable 1st Round pick in franchise history to perhaps the starting RB of the future. He rushed for 190 yards in this game. Even if the Seahawks finished below 500 for the 1st time in Wilsons tenure they should be back next season. Russ and Pete Carroll are most likely returning in 2022. And if everyone is healthy, they could surprise people again. Anyways the Rams win the NFC West by default.
The NFC Wild Card race has come down to 2 teams. The 49ers and the Saints. San Fran needs to beat LA on the road to get in, if not and the Saints win, New Orleans gets the 7th seed.
Saints vs Falcons: Even if Taysom Hill got injured early in this game, this was no competition. If this was Matt Ryans last game as a Falcon, he sure reinforced his reputation of being beat up by superior teams. The Saints didn’t even have to try and they would have blown out the Falcons. This game was over at the end of the 1st Quarter it was that bad. Even if New Orleans struggled with Trevor Siemien they didn’t care because Atlanta stood no chance for them today. Speaking of Atlanta their beloved Bulldogs are probably going to choke against Bama again. “INTERCEPTED!” Georgia won. Thats honestly shocking to hear. Anyways all the Saints can do now is sit back and watch the game at SoFi.
49ers vs Rams: Even if LA has now claimed the division with the Cardinals loss to the Seahawks they have to overcome a precious narrative that has gone against them. They cannot beat San Francisco. The 49ers have beaten them 5 straight times and most of those wins were by a wide margin. This time however the Rams have gotten out to a big lead. Leading 17-0 this should be a done deal. BOOM! What did I tell you about this team being so inconsistent. Just when you think it is a runaway, Jimmy G and Deebo Samuel unleashed their talents and abilities. Before you know it San Francisco ties the game. But this is a different Rams team. Matt Stafford and Cooper Kupp give LA the lead again. Too bad that was short lived because that so-called legendary defense got exposed again. This game is going to overtime! San Fran gets the ball and goes down the field quickly. But are forced to settle for 3 points after a nice stand by the Rams. What does Pokemon McVay have up his sleeves here? HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! (SIKE!) Too bad it’s for the other team! The Rams now get misery and doubts facing Arizona next week. As for the Saints they suffer long awaited elimination.
Saints ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): This is another team dealing with a What If season. Injuries to offensive playmakers hurt them and another year of Cap Hell is coming as well. Also what are you going to do with Michael Thomas, keep him around or trade him for value. I don’t know if anyone is taking on that ego. I will give Sean Payton and that team credit for nearly making it in with all of their injuries and lack of an elite QB. The Saints should be a team to watch going forward if they get a good QB. San Francisco meanwhile has made it back to the playoffs after a hot streak to end the year.
49ers QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): This is honestly a good job by them. A brutal losing streak in the middle of the season could have ruined John Lynch and Kyle Shanahan but they got out of the woods quickly. Looks like Jimmy G stood up to the doubters and still looks like a solid QB. This is another interesting team that is entering the playoffs. I have one request, please beat Dallas. The Nickelodeon meme lords would love it if you did so.
Our final stop is Part 2 of the AFC Wild Card race. The Raiders and Chargers play each other, win or go home. Whoever wins is in as well as Pittsburgh. The loser is out. If they somehow tie, they both get in and the Steelers watch the playoffs from home. Knowing everything this game will end in a tie.
Chargers vs Raiders: All of YinzerLand is watching this game closely. They may have played earlier than these boys but they want to make sure Big Ben goes out with a bang. All they need is for one of these 2 teams to win and they are in the playoffs again. This matchup is a stark contrast of teams. The sexy high powered team from LA against the feel good story of the league from Vegas. The way this game began is vintage Chargers. Special Teams mistakes, analytics, and being outclassed on D. Also the bandwagon Charger fans are moaning about REFBALL but let’s be real they weren’t changing those calls if they still had instant replay to determine them. Brandon Staley, I get your defense has been lit up by Derek Carr all game but WHY ARE YOU GOING FOR IT ON 4TH AND 1 AT YOUR OWN 20!? This isn’t the Cleveland Browns and you know it! (It’s like he never left M&T after Week 6 at all) The Raiders tack on 2 field goals and another TD to give themselves a 15 point lead. This should be smooth sailing for Vegas into the playoffs. DRAMATIC MUSIC! Really Chargers. NOW IS THE TIME TO FLASH YOUR HIGH END TALENT! Where was this in the 1st Half? They are converting 3rd and 4th Down plays at will. Is this game scripted or what? Wouldn’t you know it they have a chance to tie the game because Derek Carr almost lost a fumble deep in their own territory. If LA somehow comes back all I can is Roger Goodell planned this the night before. Remember how bizarre that Cowboys vs Bucs game was on Opening Night. It’s that game TIMES 10! Now the Bolts need a TD to tie it on the final play. “Herbert, firing and it is going to be, (HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!) CAUGHT IN THE ENDZONE BY THE BIG BODY MIKE WILLIAMS!” Overtime, that’s the only way this season can end. (Staley would have gone for 2 if he wanted) The Raiders got the ball first, they thought they had the win in their grasp but only got a field goal out of the drive. The Chargers are down to another 4th Down. And wouldn’t you know it. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW! How is LA converting all of these 4th Down plays at will? Vegas are you guys turning into the Browns in Week 5 again? Fortunately for RaiderNation they too settled for a field goal, thus tying the game at 32. Then the Raiders decided to run the ball for a majority of their next drive. It seems like they are chewing up as much clock as possible. They at the moment are playing for a tie so both teams can get in the playoffs. Then with 38 seconds left, BEEP! (Pennsylvania Polka playing) “Timeout, Los Angeles.” I get why Staley is calling timeout. He wants Herbert to get one more shot at winning the game. Here is the issue. Vegas converted the 3rd Down play shortly afterwards. Now they have changed their plans. Instead of playing for the tie, the Raiders are going for the knockout. In the words of ToKeNasty “You started it, and if you don’t know the moto, I’LL FINISH IT!” (Fitting since ToKe is a Raiders fan) To the delight of all of the Yinzers, Vegas has the chance to win the game. “Snap good, hold good, and, Raiders in, Chargers out, Steelers in.” Disfruta de la Temporada baja Spanos! (In English that means enjoy the offseason)
Chargers ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): This is the most Chargers way to end a season. A team that went from the media darling of the NFL after they beat Pittsburgh in Week 11 to missing the playoffs entirely. Just like Indianapolis the Football Gods ripped their souls out against an AFC South team and they were never the same. Analytics can make or break a team and it broke Brandon Staley didn’t they. (He made John Harbaugh look humble in disguise) At least they have plenty of cap space this offseason. Anyways the Raiders roller coaster season continues. They have made it to the playoffs.
Raiders QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): Turns out Derek Carr was the main reason why they made it back to January. He has had the best year of his career, and the team has rallied behind him and interim coach Rich Bisaccia. I thought they were done a few weeks ago. Now they have won 4 straight in dramatic fashion like they have done all season. Somewhere in heaven Al Davis and John Madden are smiling down on them. This is also another 2 for 1 special. With the Raiders win over the Chargers that means the NFL Postseason will get the Annual March of the Yinzers.
Steelers QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): This is why I can never count this organization out as a fan of a rival. The moment that you think they are done, they find a way to pull out dramatic win after dramatic win. Even if this may be it for Big Ben and they have been inconsistent all year I wouldn’t count them out yet. They shouldn’t be anywhere near the playoffs but they are fighters and will go down swinging if they have to. Plus the NFL wanted them in the playoffs over the Chargers because of ratings. Anyways good luck against the Chiefs next week. UrinatingTree: “Stillers goin’ Supa Bowl!” (Ah yes, everyone’s favorite Yinzer)
And there you have it. The end of the 2021 NFL Season. The now 17 game season was very interesting from start to finish. For a while we had no idea who was the Super Bowl Favorite. There really wasn’t a dominant team that won 14 or more games. There was balance. And yes there were more injuries and COVID than any season I can remember but this is the NFL. And you have to respect the content they put out. I’d like to thank all of you for tuning in each week for these recaps. All of the skits, roastings, and analysis of games was fun to do this season. Now with the playoffs around the corner the drama will only build up. Charm City Beasts is also on the way. There will be much salt, unlike previous years. And don’t worry, I’ll be there for another season next year, even if I want to start my own podcast as well as posting these online. Let the postseason begin!
Bragging Rights Sports 