For the first time in NFL History, Week 17 is not the last week of this season. Due to the NFL’s new bargaining agreement the season will have one more week left in store. Anyways many storylines across the league are taking shape at this moment. There will be plenty of teams going to either the elimination room or staying alive in the playoff hunt. Let’s get to the games.
Jaguars vs Patriots: The Patriots need a soft opponent to beat up on. They have lost back to back in heartbreaking fashion. I wonder who they play next? Ah Jacksonville. A team that they played in the AFC Championship game back in 2017. That season, like most in Jaguars History, was a fluke. New England crushed the Jags the same way they did to the Jets in both games this season. Mac Jones played well but he didn’t need to since the defense wrecked Trevor Lawrence all day long. To the tune of 50 points. Belichick against rookie QBs is a recipe for success. And that has been proven year in and year out. Not to mention the Patriots one year of hibernation is over, they have made it back to playoffs!
Patriots QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): A few big splashes in the offseason to fortify the defense, and drafting the QB of the future have paid off in a big way. Once again the Pats are the team that no one in the AFC wants to face. This has the makings of their 2001 team, an underdog with massive chips on their shoulders. I wonder how they will go? Great job Bill!
Giants vs Bears: We all know what time it is? Time to roll out those tanks! (Roundball Rock playing) The Giants are in a no lose situation in this game. Yes they are out of the playoffs, but their opponent happens to be the team that gave them their 1st Round pick thanks to the McCaskeys being desperate for Justin Fields. Not to mention the Giants are trying to lose the game on purpose which means Mike Glennon is the starting QB. Remember when George McCaskey threw 15 million at him to be a starter for Da Bears in 2017? We all did. Now you understand why that decision was a mistake. Glennon was beat up all day long by the team that was dumb enough to even make that financial decision. Andy Dalton started again for Fields but he didn’t need to play an outstanding game. Why? Because the Giants had negative yards passing in this game. They played like Tony Eason and Steve Grogan did against Chicago in Super Bowl XX. (“We are the Bears Shufflin Crew!” -Super Bowl Shuffle) The only good thing for New York was that they improved their draft positioning with this loss. I wonder what they’ll do with Gettleman in the offseason? If he comes back next year Giants fans are going to be mad at John Mara once again. I won’t blame them at all.
Rams vs Ravens: I won’t discuss what happened in this game regardless of who won or not. That’s being separated into its doc. Charm City Beasts needs to be showcased this week for all to see. Now Gerry Sandusky is on the COVID list. (Yes even the Play by Play man for the Ravens is out) How bizarre can this season for the Ravens get?
Falcons vs Bills: This game has unexpected playoff implications for the Falcons. They have an outside chance at a Wild Card berth but need to win out in order to make it in. Too bad they are running into a Buffalo Bills stampede. I will say how do you pick off Josh Allen 3 times and don’t win a game. That’s because after the 1st Half, Matt Ryan was getting crushed by the Bills Front 7. Buffalo outscored Atlanta 15-0 in the 2nd Half as the weather and reality finally caught up to the Falcons. Enjoy the elimination room boys!
Falcons ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR! DID I EVER TELL YOU THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY!?): I was wrong. I thought this team would be deep in the tank brigade but I will give Aurthur Smith credit for doing a good job in his 1st year as coach. Anytime a 1st year coach enters a team stuck in Cap Hell and almost leads them to the playoffs it’s a good sign for the organization. As long as the Falcons can fix that defense they should have a shot at the playoffs going forward. As for the Bills they have made it to the playoffs for the 3rd year in a row.
Bills QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): There are still many questions that need to be answered about this team. The defense at least has improved from last year, but if they are still a 1 dimensional unit on offense they will be a quick out. At least you have Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs I guess.
Buccaneers vs Jets: Tom Brady vs the New York Jets. in most cases it is usually a glorious mismatch. But in this game it hasn’t come yet. Even though they are favored by 10 points, the Buccaneers struggled to get things going. Believe this or not the Jets have a 14 point lead in the 3rd Quarter. Zach Wilson is playing like the QB that the New York media was hyping him up to be. This would be the most Jetsiest game possible. Messing up a Top 3 pick because they need some sense of hope for next season. DRAMATIC MUSIC! OH MY! Tom Brady is on a warpath to roast Jets fans and the talking heads at ESPN. Before you know it, New York’s 14 point lead was trimmed to 4. Really Jets, you’re going for it on 4th and 2 when you should take the points? Are we sure Adam Gase left this team? Unsurprisingly TB12 takes advantage and goes down the field quickly. Although it may not be enough. “Catch made, to the end zone. Cyril Grayson!” And in typical Jets fashion, they let Tom Brady torch them on the final drive to lose the game. As Brittney Spears once said, hit me baby one time. That’s what the GOAT just did to the ButtFumble. Now Tampa Bay owns the #3 seed in the NFC and Le’Veon Bell got his revenge on the team that paid him 15 million a year too. THE NEW YORK JETS EVERYONE!
Dolphins vs Titans: Miami has been on a hot streak over the last few weeks. Their Sticky Sand package has confused every team that has faced since the start of November. Many people were calling this squad a dark horse Super Bowl team as well. BOOM! That was until they ran into a Titans team ready to lock up their division. Tua looked off and eventually was knocked out of the game. Even Jacoby Brissett couldn’t solve Tennessee’s blitz scheme. The defense finally ran out of gas. Ryan Tannehill torched the team that hailed him as the savior of the franchise when he was drafted in 2012. He no longer has Adam Gase holding him back, since he arrived in Nashville he has been what Dolphins fans envisioned him to be for years. With this being said the Titans not only win the AFC South but have now taken control of the #1 seed in the conference.
Titans QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): I’m impressed. Mike Vrabel has convinced his team that they can make the playoffs with all of the injuries and COVID cases that they have dealt with. Most teams would have just given up without a player of King Henry’s talent. Not here. They have a shot at making it to the Super Bowl especially with Henry coming back in the playoffs. Lets just hope they don’t run into the Ravens in the Divisional Round. (Titans fans don’t want those memes to pop up again, considering how battered Baltimore is I wouldn’t worry) Dolphins I also have something for you. The annual Miami nightlife heartbreak.
Dolphins ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): The miracle run is over. Any team that tries to make the playoffs after a 1-7 start needs everything to go their way. A season that is considered lost because management forgot to address the Offensive Line. All I can say is I have no idea what they will do with Tua, keep him or trade him to clear space for a legit QB. I honestly don’t know what Flores will do?
Eagles vs Hogs: Philadelphia has once again come out of their caves. They are one win away from a remarkable return to playoff glory, and all they need to do is beat the Hogs at FedEx Field. Even better, the stadium is once again full of Eagles fans. Early on Washington took a 16-7 lead with Jalen Hurts struggling to get things going. Yes, Ron Rivera has said that this team has dealt with “Real Life BEEP!” but they will fight until the very end. Not to mention the rail near the tunnel was knocked over after the game and not to mention there were leaks in the stadium bathrooms. Now I understand why the DC Government is going to demolish RFK Stadium. Because they want the team back in the Nation’s Capital instead of Landover. Looks like the Hogs will play spoiler today. BOOM! Oh boy another thing for DC to rightfully moan about. The Eagles unlocked their talents and abilities as they rang up 13 straight points and now have the lead going into the 4th Quarter. However it may not be enough. Taylor Heinicke is trying to play spoiler since Washington is already eliminated. They are marching down the field quickly. But wait, that talk needs to be halted. Why? (Interception by Rodney McCloud) HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Philly has gone from sinking in the Delaware River to rising higher than Mount Bednarik. The Football Gods have mercy on them. The Eagles have made it back to the playoffs!
Eagles QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): I must eat my words about this team big time! I thought Nick Sirriani would be exposed just like Doug Pederson but so far he has made positive strides. Not to mention Jalen Hurts has emerged into a franchise cornerstone and the defense has returned to 2017 form. Looks like Lorie and Roseman knew what they were doing this whole time. Only a Brick Wall could stop you, its name is the Eagles! COUNT ON IT!
Raiders vs Colts: A situation where both teams need the win. The Colts are looking to secure a Wild Card berth and possibly the 5th seed in the AFC, the Raiders are looking to stay alive as well. Vegas is playing with heavy hearts. One week after the passing of John Madden, they are trying to pay tribute to him by beating a dark horse Super Bowl team. A 10-0 early on is exactly what they were looking for early on. The Colts were able to make a nice comeback. But the Raiders remained one step ahead of them. Even with Indianapolis burning 9 minutes off of the clock to tie the game. It didn’t matter because Derek Carr got them into field goal and now they have the chance to save their season. “Carlson from 33, his kick is good! Raiders win!” What a gutsy win for Las Vegas. They just saved their entire season with this victory. All they need to do is beat the Chargers in a winner take all game and a playoff spot is all but theirs. This game also officially forces the Cleveland Browns into the darkness of the elimination room!
Browns ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): Just like 2019, they were gloating about how they were going to the Super Bowl back in the summer and it couldn’t get them above 500. Not to mention Cap Hell is coming their way and they have many contracts expiring in the next 2 years. Plus Baker Mayfield might be cooked. If I’m a Browns fan I wouldn’t want to go near Jimmy Haslam. Knowing him he’s probably going to trade the future of the team for Deshawn Watson. It sounds crazy but this is Cleveland. The ride never ends boys!
Chiefs vs Bengals: The heavyweight champion of the AFC against the other half of the AFC North’s New Frontier. (“NOT IN BALTIMORE IT ISN’T!” -Marylander) Who thought this would be a marquee matchup at the beginning of the season? Only Ohio people I guess. Kansas City in my opinion has had lucky circumstances all year long thanks to their opponents being bad or short handed but this is their chance to lock up the #1 seed in the AFC. So far so good. The Chiefs have taken a 28-17 lead going into the half. But little did they know that they were facing the 2nd coming of Randy Moss and Randall Cunningham in 1998. Joe Burrow and JaMarr Chase were once again unstoppable and there was nothing L’Jarius Sneed or anyone in the Chiefs secondary could do to stop them. The Bengals have the lead, what is going on? Kansas City responded by kicking a field goal to tie the game. All I can say is we better not have REFBALL decide this game. DRAMATIC MUSIC! Prepare the Bunkers everyone! Full Reid has returned with hilarity and excitement. Not to mention angry Chiefs are coming to argue about unfair officiating in favor of Cincinnati. Example the final minute with Joe Burrow and company trying to score at the goalline. It appeared as if Kansas City stopped Cincy twice on 4th and Goal. Thanks to REFBALL it never happened. Now the Bengals have the chance to pull off their greatest win in 30 years. MacPherson, the kick is good! And the Bengals have won the AFC North!” (“Evan MacPherson > Justin Tucker” -Bengals fans. Stop it!) It happened. I never thought this day would come. The Bengals have pulled off a landmark upset in front of their fans. It looks like ½ of the AFC North’s New Frontier has broken through. (It would be worse had the Browns beaten the Ravens in Week 12) The other half has yet to be determined. But for now Cincinnati has won the division that no one wanted to win.
Bengals QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): I know the narrative is to say that the Steelers fell off, the Ravens had more injuries than anyone in league history and Browns self-destructed but these guys earned this honor. It feels like the Killer B’s that were in Pittsburgh 5 years ago have become the Killer J’s in Cincy. This is a very interesting team going into the playoffs. The last thing I need is to see them win it all. And that would be a very hard pill for me to swallow. (Especially since their Defensive Coordinator is a former Ravens assistant) Good work Zac Taylor.
Broncos vs Chargers: Both teams are in do or die mode. The Chargers and Broncos are both mystery boxes. You don’t know what you’ll get from either team. In this game we saw the Denver Checkdowns get exposed all day long by Boy Genius Brandon Staley and his analytical system. Both sides of the ball to be exact. Drew Lock was getting smacked by the LA D-Line and Justin Herbert was able to relax as Austin Ekeler did the rest. With this win the Chargers remain alive and well in the playoff race. Next week against the Raiders is do or die, and I’m interested to see what happens. The Broncos however, their false hope from September is officially blown away by an avalanche.
Broncos ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): Hey you guys remember when Denver was 3-0. That seems like an eternity from now. Another lost season in the Mile High City because Elway forgot to address the Offensive Line in the offseason. All I can say is you better have one if not two linemen drafted in the 1st 2 Rounds or you’re just punting away another season. Also Vic Fangio is the least of your issues. If I told this to Broncos fans they would give me one response. “Kinda BEEP!” (That’s what Fangio said after the Ravens didn’t take the knee against them in Week 4 at the end of the game)
Lions vs Seahawks: In what could be Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll’s final home game in Seattle they get a grand sendoff. TANK BOWL! (Roundball Rock playing) The Lions did the wise thing in this game. Don’t even try and also let those tanks do their thing. In this game the Seahawks looked like they were back in 2013 form. The defense had a great day in every phase on that side of the ball. Yes Jared Goff didn’t play but he would have been just as bad. The Seattle offense was just as impressive. Russell Wilson played perhaps his best game of the season. This game, like I said, could be the final farewell to the greatest era in Seahawks History. Even if Wilson and Carroll may be gone thanks to FA or Retirement. Thank goodness for the Emerald City the Jets don’t get a higher pick because of this game. I’ll let Hawks fans have their moment.
Panthers vs Saints: Why was this game flexed to 4:25 instead of the Rams vs Ravens game. Who cares about the TV rights, the Saints still have playoff hopes up in the air. Even if they have no solution at QB because of injuries, New Orleans played a well and inspiring game on defense. Limiting Sam Darnold and the Panthers offense to 10 points, and basically controlling the game right from the word go. Taysom Hill may be full of mediocrity but he didn’t have to do the dirty work. If they had Winston, this game would probably be out of reach but who knows. Anyways New Orleans just needs to stop one last Carolina drive and victory is theirs. “Darnold, Intercepted!” The Saints may actually make the playoffs without a good QB. That’s what good coaching can do. All they need to do is beat the Falcons and get help from the Rams and they’re in the playoffs. I know people criticize Sean Payton but he is still a very good coach. This season proves it. Panthers, just keep the tanks out, and take a QB in next year’s draft. (That or trade for Tyler Huntley if the price is right)
Texans vs 49ers: Jimmy G may be out because of a thumb injury but the 49ers are playing easy prey in the Texans. Trey Lance got to flash his potential at least in the 2nd Half of this game. It was ugly for San Fran early on but hey you’re facing a team with no QB and direction. The defense beat the living daylight out of Davis Mills and it showed all day. Now Houston is starting to wonder if Bill O’Brien was that bad of a coach. THE HACK! Us Marylanders warned you about David Culley. He was carried to a coaching job by Lamar Jackson and John Harbaugh and that reputation doesn’t carry over to other teams. San Francisco barely tried yet they still blew out the Texans. Next week is do or die. They play the Rams in Los Angeles. If they spoil their opponents division championship celebration, the 9ers will be back in the playoffs. BE PREPARED! FOR ANYTHING!
Cardinals vs Cowboys: Kyler Murray is undefeated at AT&T Stadium. Not just in the NFL but because he dominated at JerryWorld in both High School in Texas and at Oklahoma. Today is no different. The Cardinals without DeAndre Hopkins and JJ Watt finally played up to their potential. They took a Cowboys team with all the hype in the world and sent them back to reality. Dak Prescott this is not the time to back to the sophomore slump of 2017 you have a #2 seed in the NFC there for the taking. Not to mention Michael Gallup was once again punished to the pit of misery known as the Injury Gods. (DILLY DILLY!) A Torn ACL dear god that’s depressing. Even if Dallas came back in the 2nd Half, we then get to the Mike McCarthy special. No its not playing the role of Mighty Mouse, its questionable play calling that killed them when it mattered. And REFBALL happened too. The reason why the Cowboys weren’t able to get a final drive after a fumble that wasn’t called was because they were out of timeouts. Now the Cardinals need a win and Rams loss to clinch the NFC West next week. Dallas, don’t make me say that “can’t make it past the 2nd Round” phrase in a couple weeks, because I’m not afraid to say it. Just get your act together and regroup and you’ll be fine. You got this!
Vikings vs Packers: Vikings, Welcome to the Death Sentence of the Year! Playing in single digit Lambeau without Kirk Cousins thanks to COVID19 and getting the honor of playing pissed off Aaron Rodgers. The Packers need to add another dominant win to their resume. Vikings fans are blaming the unvaxxed players on their team but you want to know what the real issue is. Using 35% of their cap into 4 players. Once Justin Jefferson gets paid in 2023 it will be 50% into 5 players. That’s why they lost plenty of talent on defense over the last few years. Plus because of that they can’t keep up with Green Bay’s offense. They gave up 37 points. Wouldn’t you know it the Packers not only dominate their younger brothers but also lock up the #1 seed in the NFC for the 2nd year in a row. Here is the honor of knocking out Danish King Zimmer.
Vikings ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR! ARE KIDDING ME THE SEASON CAN’T END LIKE THAT!): What Minnesota experienced this season registered as a 24 on the Cleveland Scale. Agonizing losses a plenty and wasting career years from Justin Jefferson and Kirk Cousins. This season was “Typical Vikings.” High hopes only to troll their fans all year long. Also if Mike Zimmer is back next year the media will never let him hear the end of it. Just invest money into the Offensive Line and Linebacker Core. Pretty please.
Browns vs Steelers: This is a game that has everything at stake. The Browns have already been eliminated but want to play spoiler to the Steelers playoff hopes. Pittsburgh is trying to stay alive at all costs. This game would be described by one phrase. Cleveland couldn’t solve the Steelers pass rush. Baker Mayfield had no time to throw, and TJ Watt and company feasted on him all night long. Even then the Browns were still in the game thanks to the Steelers failing to put the game out of reach thanks to dropped balls and penalties. With the lead trimmed to 5 with a minute left, all the Steelers need to do is get one 1st Down and run out the clock. “Najee Harris, to the endzone!” Wow what a way to win a game. The Steelers just saved their season and now face the Ravens with a shot at possibly making the playoffs. For all YinzerLand this was not only a great win but an emotional one. Ben Roethlisberger has just played his final home game in a Steelers uniform. A true legend in his prime that made that franchise great again. As a Ravens fan it will be sad to see him retire. I will miss playing him twice a year. Win or lose those games were intense and whoever won those games earned it. To me this felt like when Ray Lewis and Ed Reed played their last home game together in the 2012 Wild Card Game against the Colts. After that game was over and those 2 took a lap around M&T I started crying. It’s the same feeling for Steelers fans. He was the man that brought a 2nd glory age to the Steel City and gave them instant credibility. Big Ben turned that team from a unit that couldn’t win the big one for the 12 years before he got there with Bill Cowher, Neil O’Donnell, and Kordell Stewart into a 2 time Super Bowl Champion in his tenure. Not to mention this is likely the final game with Heinz Field as the naming rights to their stadium which makes this even more emotional. I will be honest, I will be honored to see the Steelers beat us next week at M&T Bank Stadium, and for the Jaguars to beat the Colts so that Pittsburgh can have one more chance to send him out on top. Farewell Ben, thank you for giving us 18 years of a competitive and respected rivalry. I and every Marylander will play Renegade in your honor.
The playoff picture is now basically set except for a few things:
AFC Top Seed
Tennessee: Win vs Texans
Kansas City: Win vs Broncos + Titans loss
Cincinnati: Win vs Browns + Titans loss + Chiefs loss
Buffalo: Only can get to 2 with Win vs Jets + Chiefs loss + Bengals loss
New England: Win vs Dolphins + Bills loss + Titans loss + Chiefs loss + Bengals loss
AFC Wild Card
Indianapolis: Win vs Jaguars
LA Chargers: Win vs Raiders or Tie
Las Vegas: Win vs Chargers or Tie
Pittsburgh: Win vs Ravens + Colts loss + Raiders vs Chargers doesn’t end in tie
Baltimore: Win vs Steelers + Colts loss + Dolphins loss + Chargers loss
AFC East
Buffalo: Win vs Jets
New England: Win vs Dolphins + Bills loss
NFC Seeding (#2 seed)
Green Bay: #1 seed
LA Rams: Win vs 49ers
Tampa Bay: Win vs Panthers + Rams loss
Dallas: Win vs Eagles + Rams loss + Buccaneers loss
Arizona: Win vs Seahawks + Rams loss + Cowboys loss + Buccaneers loss
NFC Wild Card
Philadelphia: Clinched Wild Card (seeding determined)
San Francisco: Win vs Rams
New Orleans: Win vs Falcons + 49ers loss
NFC West
LA Rams: Win vs 49ers
Arizona: Win vs Seahawks + Rams loss
HERE ARE THE RULES: DON’T! GET!! ELIMINATED!!!
FOLLIES: What better way to cap off this week, than with a legendary FOOTBALL FOLLIE! Oh boy do we have a good one for you. Antonio Brown, learning nothing from his days in Pittsburgh wants to be the center of attention for the wrong reasons. He suffered an ankle injury against the Jets. But Bruce Airens made him play despite the bum ankle. His response, rip off his jersey! And his athletic tank top underneath! AND HE STARTED SHOWBOATED ON THE SIDELINE! Not to mention as soon as he walked into the endzone the Diva started doing jumping jacks. THAT’S INSANE! PLUS HE’S HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE LOCKER ROOM! Um, AB you do realize that this may be the last image of you as an NFL player. (Well there goes his shot at being a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer) Here is the thing about this story. Bruce Airens said that Brown was leaving the team for good despite Brady’s relationship with the Diva. Fun fact: The Buccaneers didn’t release him until Thursday. You may think that he would just head back to Florida and relax. WRONG! The next night he was at Barclays Center taking part in watching a Nets game against the Grizzlies. (TOTAL BANDWAGON! That’s the last thing the Nets need besides Kyrie and potentially Boogie Cousins or Ben Simmons) After watching that scene one thing creeps into my mind. This better not happen to his cousin Marquise in Baltimore. If Hollywood becomes a diva next year there’s a good chance Lamar Jackson is joining him in that department too. Just behave out there for the love of Billy Goats!
Bragging Rights Sports 