Nativity Storyteller: “The 2nd Day of January, in the 2022nd year since the creation of the Lord. The 17th Week of the 102nd year of the NFL. The 16th game of the 26th season of the Ravens. The 8th home game this year at M&T Bank Stadium. The 443th game in franchise history. The 197th game in the Bank’s existence. The 242nd game in the era of Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh. The 8th meeting all-time between the Ravens and the Rams. On this day, a new wave of hope has surrounded Charm City. Even with playoff hopes, on the line, there has to be a savior. 4 straight losses have taken its toll but there is. LAMAR JACKSON HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD, BLESSED WITH HIS DUAL THREAT ABILITIES, AND HAS RETURNED TO SAVE THE MARYLAND FESTIVUS! The whole football world is now in the hands of the former MVP. He might not be 100% or not on the field this week, and even if they have to play Huntley instead, there is optimism in the air. The New Frontier of the AFC North, shall be put on hold. This is the story of the Cinderella Ravens ACCORDING TO THE FLESH! (BIG TRUSS!)”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, DeVonta Freeman, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, Jimmy Smith, Odafe Oweh, Justin Tucker, with John Harbaugh, and Steve Saunders. Guest Appearances by the Salty Marylander on air and live, and the Nativity Christmas Story Teller.
Season 2 Episode 16: PAIN
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: It has been a rough month for Ravens fans. For the 1st time since 2015 they have gone winless in the month of December. That statement is the apocalypse in the Raven Dictionary. However John Harbaugh still has optimism. He has told his team that they are fighters, and they will not give up until they are out of time. Even after giving up a franchise record 525 yards passing against Joe Burrow, Don Martindale still hasn’t lost confidence in how the season will end. He did admit that he should be careful about what he says. Poking the hornet’s nest last week was a terrible idea. And now with an equally strong opponent he should know when to criticise or not criticise the opposing QB. Another big question on defense was the amount of starters that are now on IR. The answer would be 8. They are now down to their 7th and 8th string corners excluding the return of Jimmy Smith from the COVID list. Last week they had 33 players of their original 53 man roster on IR or the COVID list. AN NFL RECORD! Which leads us to Strength and Conditioning Coach Steve Saunders. The amount of criticism from the Salty Marylanders that he has faced is legendary. Harbaugh’s response towards his future with the team is that “we’ll definitely look at this situation, if they need to go, they need to go.” I don’t blame him, he just wants the season to play out before making any decisions. And yes bandwagon fans he will be staying for the long term future because Baltimore never fires coaches. (It’s the same rule with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Crazy I know.)
The biggest dilemma that Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh has to face this week is not the players plans for New Years Eve, but the QB situation. (All of the social media influencers probably had a TikTok Contest like last year I’m guessing.) Tyler Huntley tested positive on Christmas Morning thus preventing him from playing in Cincinnati. (He isn’t vaccinated either, thus ruling him out for the Rams game too) In his place, journeyman Josh Johnson did a decent job, but he had little to no help from his O-Line. (This is what happens when you are down 2 Pro Bowl Caliber Tackles) Many are saying with Johnson as the starter the Ravens have no chance. Even with 3 1st Round Receivers and an All Pro TE it’s a very bold take. But there is some late breaking news coming out of B-More at this minute. (Streets by Doja Cat playing) Why do I hear Doja Cat playing in the background? Um, guys, what’s going on? I can’t tell why the editors are doing this right now. Someone explain. BOOM! (Lamar Jackson scheduled to return to practice before Sunday’s game vs Rams) There it is! Planet LJ is coming back baby! The Conqueror of the AFC North has finally returned to triumphantly lead the Ravens back to the playoffs! (It’s fitting that she is one of Lamar’s favorite recording artists right now) Yes many people are pointing to him as the savior of the team, but Jackson is relying on others to play a major role. Marylander: That’s a lie and you know it. LAMAR’S GOING TO SAVE THE TEAM AGAIN! Narrator: I like the optimism right there.
This is a desperate move. Rushing back Jackson on a bad ankle is a questionable move but they really don’t have a choice. Who else is going to give them a chance at a berth in the postseason. Normally a team with an injured QB would wait until he is 100% and not to rush him back. Not the Ravens. They are doing the same thing the 2017 Packers did when they rushed back Aaron Rodgers in Week 15 that year when they had a chance to make it to the playoffs. In that game they lost to the Panthers in Carolina and Rodgers threw 3 interceptions. After that game the Packers decided to leave him on IR for the rest of the year. The same rule applies here. Not only are the Ravens rushing back their former MVP, they are taking on what is considered to be a juggernaut in the LA Rams. The last time these 2 teams met it was the Monday Night Massacre Part 2. That game the Ravens crushed the Rams at the LA Coliseum 45-6. Lamar threw for 5 TDs and the D held Jared Goff out of the endzone. This matchup is different from the last one. The Rams now have Matt Stafford, Von Miller, Odell Beckham, and Cooper Kupp is a leading MVP candidate. Plus they are fighting for the #1 seed in the NFC too. Pokemon McVay is on a mission, he wants to do what the Buccaneers did last year. Win the Super Bowl in their own stadium. Just like for the Browns game in Week 12, we have sent the Marylander to M&T Bank Stadium. And just like the last game he is fired up. (And he is reciting Warriors by League of Legends once again during the intros.) The thing I don’t understand about this game is that they originally had this game as a 4:25 game yet flexed it to 1:00. If this game were flexed out for a game like Chiefs vs Bengals I would be ok with it. But they flexed us out for the Saints and Panthers. THE SAINTS AND PANTHERS! Marylander: THE NFL HATES THE RAVENS AND STEVE BISCIOTTI! THEY WANT THE BROWNS AND BENGALS 1 AND 2 IN THE AFC NORTH! Narrator: Alright, alright we get it. There is something I want to tell you. Marylander: What? Narrator: Lamar is clearly limping and it would be crazy to rush him back. Which means his return may be delayed Marylander: OH COME ON! STOP WITH THIS INJURY NONSENSE FOR LIKE A WEEK! Narrator: It’s not me, it’s the training staff. At least Huntley is back. Marylander: That’s fine with me. SNOOOOOOOOOOOP! Drop it like it’s hot! Narrator: See what I tell you, always look at the positives.
Serious Narrator: I have to be serious because this is a game that will determine the fate of my own team. With Huntley starting again the Ravens would mount a nice opening drive only for it to stall out thanks to DeVonta Freeman getting destroyed by Aaron Donald. (Tristan Colon making his 1st career start against Donald, yeah good luck with that) Even worse is that it took the Ravens out of field goal range thus forcing them to punt. Even after Sam Koch pinned LA deep in their own end the Rams would go right down the field quickly. Led by Tyler Higbee making 2 spectacular catches, Matt Stafford got off to a good start. But that drive was quickly short lived thanks to Matt Gay missing a 56 yard kick. (Making a 55+ yard field goal at M&T is never easy) This should lead to points on the other end, right. Well the Ravens offensive line got beat up yet again by Donald and the rest of the Rams Front 7. A 3 and out is the result. However the optimism from all the Marylanders would eventually become sky high. That’s because Stafford threw his 4th Pick 6 of the season as Chuck Clark read him like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. (You can’t take Detroit out of a player regardless of where they go) What happened on the next possession? Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Except this pick by Clark wasn’t returned for 6 points. Although the Ravens should have gotten better field position because of a late play punch by Odell Beckham. Marylander: REALLY BILL VINOVICH! YOU’RE NOT GONNA CALL THAT! That’s clearly a 15 yard penalty. Serious Narrator: Settle down buddy. The Ravens even with horrible field position were able to attack the Rams defense shortly after. Small gains on both the ground and the air helped them get down the field. Even better news, the analytical Greg Roman went for it on 4th Down and it succeeded thanks to Huntley running for a good chunk over the left side. However it would be 10-0 instead of 14-0 because LA made a good stand inside the 5. (Thank Aaron Donald pressuring Snoop and roasting Colon for that honor) All is well in Charm City, as the boys in Purple are shutting down the Rams offensive juggernaut. All they need to do is play it safe at the half as Marylander: WHY DID HUNTLEY JUST THROW IT RIGHT TO THE DB WHEN NO RECEIVER WAS OUT THERE!? IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU DON’T DO ITS GIVE LA A GOLDEN SHOT AT GETTING BACK IN IT! Serious Narrator: I agree, because the Rams took advantage of this and scored a touchdown to get back in it. Then the Ravens stormed down the field for a field goal before halftime. Now there once again is hope in Baltimore.
The Ravens have a chance to regain control of their destiny. They are playing as a team with a competitive fire all day long. That thinking reached another level as they forced a fumble to start the 2nd Half. You might think this would be the dagger, eh. Well Huntley made the mistake of testing Jalen Ramsey. Fortunately it wasn’t picked off, and the Ravens extended their lead to 9. Even as the defense forced LA to punt again, the optimism would be short lived. Because there was another elite defender that the Ravens had to deal with. Von Miller, turns out that he is on a warpath over the last few weeks, and in this game it was on full display. Once he sacked Huntley, any chance of Baltimore putting the game away would be put on hold. Once the Rams got the ball back Pokemon McVay unleashed his top weapon. Cooper Kupp! After being contained for much of the game he finally broke off a huge catch to set up a momentum-turning touchdown by Sony Michel. But the Ravens as expected would charge right back. All they needed was one drive to save their playoff hopes. Starting with a big run by DeVonta Freeman it looked as if it would happen. They marched down the field, chewing up precious clock, and were primed for the knockout. But then one player would prevent the Ravens from putting the game away. AARON DONALD! Marylander: UGH! Serious Narrator: Do you now understand why playing a center in his 1st career start against the best DT in the NFL is a terrible idea. Because it backfires at the worst times. I know people are going to blame the delay of game penalty for why the Ravens didn’t score a TD, but in my opinion they weren’t scoring even if that penalty didn’t happen. Why? Colon had been getting destroyed by #99 all day long. Luckily for the Ravens they at least kicked a field goal and led by 5. This should be enough to win, right? BOOM! Marylander: Not this again! Serious Narrator: Just when you think the Ravens have the game winning fumble recovery the officials called the play down by contact. (That was easily the correct call, Higbee was clearly down) Next thing you know, the Rams are already deep in Ravens territory. Even after a nice redzone stop the game has come down to one play. Do it Ravens, make the Marylanders go bonkers again! “On 4th Down, Stafford slings, holds on!” AGONY THY NAME IS ODELL BECKHAM! (“Where was this in Cleveland” -All Browns fans) Not only did he make that catch he scored the go ahead TD. Luckily the Rams failed the 2 point conversion and all the Ravens need is a field goal to save their season. We all know what’s going to happen. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Wouldn’t you know Baltimore is one completion from getting into field goal range for Justin Tucker. Snoop, please pull off the improbable! “Rush coming from the Rams, pressure on Huntley down he goes!” DRAMATIC MUSIC! A Moth to a Flame! All optimism in this city is gone in an instant. A great battle ending in gut wrenching fashion. Baltimore lost in one of the more heartbreaking ways possible, getting beaten at their own game. The Rams maintain control of the NFC West with a showdown against the 49ers next week on the horizon. As for the Ravens total PAIN! PAUSE
Narrator: (Looney Tunes humiliation music playing) Do you understand why the Ravens had no choice but to go for 2 in the games against the Steelers and Packers. It’s because they don’t have the High End Talent or personnel on defense to bail them out unlike in years past. The way LA marched down the field at the end of the game on their last 2 drives is exactly why. Anytime you are going against elite QBs and receivers without a majority of your starters on defense you are in for a long day if you can’t match them. I know people are saying that they can’t close out a game, but that’s a lie. They were winning all of the close games early in the season excluding the Monday Night game in Vegas. They were experts at the short yardage plays in each of those comebacks. To me this is karma from the Football Gods. The way they were winning those games would eventually come back to bite them. And it did! Even worse, their playoff dreams are basically dead. I would sentence them to the elimination room but there is still a slim chance that they would make the playoffs. It requires a few things. They play the Steelers at home next week, they are fighting for their playoff lives as well and this could very well be Ben Roethlisberger’s last game. That’s the 1st step. The 2nd, they need the Colts to lose to the Jaguars. Jacksonville has beaten Buffalo already and the Colts haven’t won in Jacksonville since 2015. But Indy is most likely not laying an egg for the 2nd week in a row after a loss to the Raiders. 3rd, they need the Dolphins to lose at home to the Patriots. New England has been snake bitten in that city despite having a chance to win the AFC East. 4th, they need the Browns to lose at home to the Bengals. Cincinnati has already clinched the AFC North but are fighting for the #1 seed and are most likely playing their starters against Cleveland. And 5th, They need the Raiders to beat the Chargers on Sunday Night, in a winner take all game for the 6th or 7th seed depending on placement.
To be honest, why would I even want the Ravens in the playoffs at this point? And for what, to get their butts kicked by Kansas City at Arrowhead in Round 1 without Lamar Jackson. Let me be very clear about one thing. This Ravens team because of injuries shouldn’t be anywhere near a playoff spot. They have been saved by 3 men this season from being perhaps the worst team in the AFC. Lamar Jackson, John Harbaugh, and Justin Tucker. If those 3 aren’t here, they are likely 3-13 at this moment and are getting a top 3 pick. This team despite the 5 game losing streak has shown a lot of heart in themselves. On paper they should be getting blown out by an average of 24 points per game. No secondary, QB, RB’s, O-Lineman, and a depleted Front 7 should result in being one of the laughing stocks of the league. Not here. Although many people are considering this as one of the greatest collapses in NFL History. The only thing that would have made this season even more painful for Baltimore fans was if the Ravens were playing their final game at M&T Bank Stadium next weekend. Thank god that’s not happening for another 15 years. This is the first time in a while in which I just want the season to end. I would just tank the final week but that’s how this organization works. One more thing, you know what would have eased the sting of this loss. NOT LOSING TO THE RAIDERS IN OVERTIME! Or fumbling the ball at the 1 yard line to basically lose the games against the Dolphins and Browns, or having everyone healthy. That’s all I have left. Thank goodness I won’t have to describe this season by players and coaches until next week. Just let Huntley finish the season, ok.
Bragging Rights Sports 