Steelers vs Vikings: Minnesota has fallen on hard times. They gave the Lions their 1st win of the year last week and are looking to save their season. Against a Steelers team coming off a statement they picked them apart in the 1st Half. 29 points worth of it. Dalvin Cook looked unstoppable and Viking fans thought that they were going to cruise to victory. (Pennsylvania Polka playing) Oh boy. Looks like we fooled you there. Pittsburgh realizes that they have talent on both sides and it leads to yet another uncomfortable moment for the Twin Cities. The Leader of Men looks like he is back in 2010 form and the BlitzBurgh defense is suffocating Kirk Cousins. The Steelers now have a chance to pull off the 2nd biggest comeback in NFL History. “Endzone, Freiermuth INCOMPLETE!” (GAME OVER YEAH!) Vikings fans if there is one thing you are grateful for it is that Harrison Smith is still producing at an elite level. If he doesn’t rip the ball away from Pat Freiermuth Pittsburgh likely forces OT and Minnesota has no hope. Instead the Vikings save their season and Pittsburgh gets robbed of the 6 seed. Tomlin there is still time to save your season and Big Ben’s legacy, Good luck!
Ravens vs Browns: After what happened last week the Ravens need to win this game to basically put the AFC North on lockdown. They may be battered but they are playing a Browns team stuck in quicksand. You may be shocked that this isn’t its own document, it’s because I needed a break from doing this. As for this game, it was very ugly early in the game. The Browns jumped out to a 24-3 lead. Even worse, CRACK! Lamar Jackson is out for the rest of the game thanks to what was considered by the Salty Marylander an intentional hit to the leg by JOK. (I would play Titanic Music if he was out for the year) In his place comes Tyler “Snoop” Huntley, a man who is ever similar to the talents of Planet LJ. Even if he fumbled twice in which one of them was returned for a touchdown, Huntley played pretty well for the time that he was out there. Rashod Bateman looks good, very good. He may have had his coming out party with this game. Baltimore gets back into the game as Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh decides to go for 2 and be down by 9, instead of kicking the PAT and being down by 8. (“Live by analytics, die by analytics.” -Cynthia Frelund) It may be too late even if the Ravens scored another touchdown to close the gap to 2. It’s going to take a miracle for them to pull off the win. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Are you kidding me, they not only got the onside kick, the Ravens now have a chance to rip Cleveland’s souls again. Even with that the Browns still found a way not to blow it. Marylander: What do you mean Baltimore didn’t win the game, what is this strip sack by Clowney nonsense! Narrator: Don’t worry my friend at least you guys control your own destiny even with that brutal schedule coming up. You can manage right? Sidenote: There is an incident in this game that I want to be very clear on. Early in the 2nd Quarter, Lamar Jackson suffered an ankle sprain that could damage himself plus the hopes of his team. I’m not bitter at that, this is the NFL and that always happens. It’s what the fans in the Dawg Pound did. According to ESPN Ravens Reporter Jamison Hensley, Browns fans were cheering and mocking LJ as he was getting carted off the field. Anytime you cheer or make comments about a player getting injured it is certainly not the right thing to do. (Example: Iowa Hawkeyes fans when they faced Penn State and Sean Clifford and PJ Mustipher) This an act that the NFL hasn’t seen since Michael Irvin suffered a career ending injury at Veterans Stadium in 1999. If I hated the Browns already, I hate them EVEN MORE! That fanbase wants Bisciotti, Ozzie Newsome, Harbaugh, and any star player on the Ravens banished into Lake Erie. And it shows right here. Can someone prevent the Browns from winning the AFC North? COUGH! COVID, oh boy.
Saints vs Jets: New Orleans needs to win at all costs. They have lost 5 straight since their win over the Buccaneers and have fallen on hard times. Fortunately for them, their opponents this weekend are the New York Jets. A team that fancies themselves as competitive only to be schooled at the basics of the game. It didn’t help that Alvin Kamara was back on the field for the Saints. Even if he didn’t play, the ButtFumble was losing no matter what. Zach Wilson is turning into every QB that the Jets have had since Joe Namath. Overrated, no support around him, and completely ruined. Saints, you are the lucky recipients of keeping your season alive. They are now tied for the 7th spot in the NFC. I wouldn’t be shocked if they made the playoffs in the end.
Jaguars vs Titans: The Jaguars are a gongshow growing by the day. This is a team that is failing at the basic aspects of the game. They are a team that should just bother not to show up on Sunday’s if they continue to play like this. What did ESPN see out of this team? Well they thought Trevor Lawrence was going to be the runaway favorite for Rookie of the Year. This man is having one of the worst rookie seasons in NFL History. Tennessee this is as easy of a win as you’re going to get. The Titans still have injuries and major flaws but they needed this win to regain fan morale after the last few games. Titans you get Pittsburgh next week, it should be a classic. Sidenote: Jacksonville don’t think we are done with you yet. Remember when everyone was hailing Urban Meyer as the savior of the Jags franchise. That has aged dramatically. Look at what he has done: bench some of his talented players, throw his kicker under the bus, missing the team flight after their game against Cincinnati to go back to his publicly owned bar in Ohio, plus there are many other incidents that he had responsibility written all over it. You know what his punishment was this week. The same sentence as Bobby Petrino, Lou Holtz, and Steve Spurrier. FIRED and told not to come back! Welcome to the NFL #Sacksonville, this is why you should be careful about who you bring in. It’s as if Tom Coughlin never left at all.
Raiders vs Chiefs: Kansas City knows that the rest of their division is on their tails and they need to keep winning by any means necessary. You know what makes a great statement. Scoring on the 1st play of the game on a fumble return for a TD. It was that kind of game from that point on. The Chiefs once again toyed with the black sheep of their division as they at one point were on pace to score 60 points. Patrick Mahomes was impressive but most of their points were set up by turnovers and special teams play. Kansas City’s defense has turned the clock back to the Schottenheimer years. Physical, in your face, and difficult to score on. (Derrick Thomas would have loved to play on this defense if he wasn’t in heaven for the last 22 years) The Raiders didn’t even score a touchdown in this game. It was that bad. The Chiefs now control their own destiny of not only their division but the #1 seed in the conference. Next week you need to be careful. I bet their opponents want to take the crown of the division from them immediately.
Seahawks vs Texans: The Texans are fully embracing the tank. Now that they are officially eliminated for about 2 weeks they get to start Davis Mills against a Seahawks team fighting for their lives. It doesn’t work, Seattle made him look like the backup QB that he is. Even if Russell Wilson balled out they didn’t need to dominate on offense. Even if they started Geno Smith they would have won by a lot. Houston is a dumpster fire growing by the day, and Culley is on his way to being one of the worst coaches in modern NFL History. If people think Urban Meyer is bad they aren’t seeing this clown show at full effect. Seahawks I won’t rip your weaknesses today, you needed this win. Keep it up.
Falcons vs Panthers: The Falcons need every advantage they can get to stay in the hunt. They may be inconsistent but hey you’re facing Carolina. They have been stuck in bear traps since Cam Newton returned. Cold Call Ryan took advantage of a banged up secondary and carved them up for much of the game. The thing I find interesting is that the Panthers offense, not their defense, has been holding them back. CMC is not 100%, Cam is cooked like he was in New England, and they have no Offensive Line. I would put them in the elimination room but they are only 1 game back of a playoff spot even if the tiebreaker is against them. I know you guys want me to use the Willy Wonka quote on them but they will eventually get it. I will leave you Panthers fans and blog followers with this though. “I expect nothing, and I’m still let down.”
Cowboys vs Hogs: Mike McCarthy is channeling his inner Jimmy Johnson. Going up against a heated rival in enemy territory is perfect for what he is about to say. One word describes his opinion on his team’s chances of winning. “GUARANTEED!!!” That’s right Sir Charles. Dem Cowboys stormed into FedEx Field and beat the living daylight out of Taylor Heinicke in the 1st Half. (“Dallas Cowboy defense, UNCONSCIOUS!” -Ken Norton Jr) Micah Parsons, Trevon Diggs, Randy Gregory, Demarcus Lawrence etc were feasting on the Hogs offense. Even as Dak Prescott’s struggles continued, Dallas still had a comfortable lead but only 7 points. They may have been up 24-0 but as long as they hold off one last drive they are good to go. “Heinicke looks right and LOSES THE BALL! And the Cowboys have it!” HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS! Looks like my sister’s boyfriend can enjoy the easy road to the NFC East Title now. Washington at least you control your own destiny, even with all of the COVID cases. You should get it done barring anything out of the Eagles. (Philly is licking their chops right now)
Lions vs Broncos: Denver is looking to make sure that their playoff hopes are very much intact. The Lions may have won their 1st game last week but the Broncos have a better defense than Minnesota. Not only that, their 2 headed monster of a running game was too much for Detroit to handle. Even if the game was tied at 10-10 in the 2nd Quarter, Denver just needed to play NFL Fishing and give the Lions hope before yanking it away from them. The Broncos have a tough schedule coming up but they have the phases on both sides to carry them into January. Not only that, they paid homage to the late great Demaryius Thomas. A star wideout in his prime and key figure to their 2015 Super Bowl team. He was the guy that scored the game winning touchdown in the Tebow Mania game against the Steelers in the 2011 playoffs. (If Pittsburgh won, there could have been a Ravens vs Steelers AFC Title game at M&T) Take care of him, football gods.
Giants vs Chargers: After nearly giving their fans PTSD of past collapses a week ago, the Chargers are back at home against a pretend team in the Giants. They wanted to prepare themselves for real teams especially in cold weather. And my gosh they did. Justin Herbert, a man possessing excellent talent and confidence, added to his case of being a Top 5 QB by torching the New York secondary all day long. Look at this throw by Herby, Into double coverage yet it is still caught for a TD. Other than Mahomes or maybe Brady who makes that? Not sure. Anyways, LA now has sole possession of the 5 seed in the AFC. Giants I hate to break this to you but your playoff ambitions that you had over the summer. GONZO!
Giants ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): You’ll be a contender someday, if you get a Superstar QB, an Offensive Line, a new GM, and if Saquan doesn’t leave. Another lost season for the G-Men because they couldn’t stop getting in their own way. Make that 5 years in a row that they have missed the playoffs. Good grief.
49ers vs Bengals: This is a game that could easily decide whether or not these 2 teams make the playoffs when the year ends. The Bengals know that if they win the AFC North lead is all but theirs. As for the 49ers they are trying to overtake the Rams for the top Wild Card spot. Early in this game San Francisco was flexing their might. Jumping out to a 20-6 lead with Joe Burrow down for the count. Then Cincinnati would flash their talents. Led by the 2 boys from LSU, the Bungles rallied back to tie the game in no time. It may be too late as George Kittle was roasting the Cincy defense all evening long. Now the 49ers can end it. (Missed field goal) Oh boy, Robbie Gould got EA’d by the wind at Paul Brown Stadium. Don’t tell me the Bengals are going to win. (This is not the New Frontier of the AFC North I REPEAT!) Luckily for 9ers fans, Burrow took the ball in OT and only managed to get a field goal. No need for worries Bay Area, this is not the wounded team from last year, HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!! Wow what a gutsy win right there by the 49ers. They deserved this win, as for Cincinnati this clearly was a missed opportunity. With their upcoming schedule the Bengals could easily miss out on the playoffs. Next week they get Denver, tough luck.
Bills vs Buccaneers: The Bills are fighting for their lives. They know that they have coasted on an easy schedule and have yet to prove themselves against legit opponents. Playing against the Buccaneers is obviously a tall order. Especially since Tom Brady has dominated them since the early 2000s. A 24-3 lead deep in the 2nd Half normally results in a beatdown. BOOM! Tampa Bay must have forgotten that Buffalo has talent on offense. The Bills quickly storm back from the dead even with Josh Allen fighting a bad ankle. Before you know it this game is going to overtime. Bucs, you are better than this, I know you guys can play at a higher level than what you have played in the 2nd Half of this game. (Bucs force Bills to punt) There you go, that’s more like it. Now for the cherry on the Ice Cream Sundae. HEY HEY TAMPA BAY! THE BUCS ARE HOT AND READY TO PLAY! Breshad Perriman, why couldn’t he do that with the Ravens? (Excluding 2016) Thanks to his heroics, the Buccaneers are 1 win away from the NFC South Title. Bills that may have been the death sentence, but you guys have an interesting schedule coming up, you still can make the playoffs, right?
Bears vs Packers: Here ye, Here ye, come for yourself and witness Aaron Rodgers lording over the Chicago Bears! Even if the Packers were down 10-0 early in the game, Da Bears will have no chance of slowing down the machine that opposes them. Chicago even had them down to 4th and Goal on the Packers 1st TD and still couldn’t stop them. Even if Justin Fields flashed his talents that he had at Ohio State that will still pale in comparison to Discount DAAAABLECheck. Nagy, you can chuck whatever package of a blitz, zone coverage, or man to man play, Rodgers will still find a way to be successful. It also helps that Davonte Adams and Allen Lazard are dominating as well. You know what this means, Green Bay now controls the #1 seed in the NFC. Not only that, Aaron Rodgers destroys the headquarters of one of his publicly owned companies.
Bears ELIMINATED ((Hiei 2k7 screaming) YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): These are the Bear Necessities of Life: The McCaskey’s don’t draft Offensive Linemen, they trade their draft capital for marquee players who look good on paper, and they ruin top coaching prospects. Looks like Matt Nagy is turning into the 2nd coming of Dick Jauron. Coach of the Year in his 1st year, only to get exposed in the future. Now watch them get Greg Roman.
Rams vs Cardinals: Pokemon McVay. He knows that his team is backed up against the wall. The 49ers are gaining ground in the Wild Card race, and Jalen Ramsey is on the COVID list. You think this should be an easy win for Arizona right? Well the Rams have other plans. This game to me was decided by one factor. The Cardinals turned the ball over inside the LA redzone on multiple occasions. Matthew Stafford took advantage of those opportunities as he, OBJ, and the rest of the Rams receivers torched the Cards secondary. However this game went from blowout to uncomfortably close. Kyler Murray is trying to not only hold on to the #1 seed but overcoming his bad performance. They may be down by 10 with 2 minutes left but that doesn’t stop the fact that the Cardinals have a fighting spirit. The Rams held them to a field goal, not bad just get the onside kick, YOU GOT IT! But will it be enough? “Murray is under pressure, he is running for his life, and finally gets sacked and this game is over.” (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) Arizona’s clear shot of the division is quickly short lived as the Rams are only 1 game back of the lead in the division. Not only that, their possession of the Top Seed belongs to Green Bay. Rams good win, you may have silenced the doubters. I bet all of the LA people are saying here resides the most frightening team in the NFL. I don’t blame for saying that.
FOLLIES: Ah yes whenever you hear that Nutcracker Music it’s time for FOOTBALL FOLLIES! This week’s winner is Yannick Ngakoue of the Las Vegas Raiders. It looks like he took some of his habits from Baltimore with him to Vegas. Before the game the Raiders players were stomping on the Chiefs logo during the introductions with Yannick being the enforcer. Wouldn’t you know it Kansas City as I mentioned earlier beat the hell out of the Autumn Wind. Mark Davis we tried warning you, if you bring in a former Raven that has character problems, you will be disappointed. Just ask Earl Thomas who hasn’t been signed by anyone because of the act he pulled on Chuck Clark in Training Camp in 2020.
Bragging Rights Sports 