Bears vs Lions: You know what is better than a Tank Bowl, A TURKEY DAY TANK BOWL! (Round Ball Rock playing) All Giants fans want for Thanksgiving is for the Lions to get their 1st win so their draft positioning thanks to the Fields Trade improves. Speaking of Fields he is inactive as Chicago has to start the Red Rifle in Andy Dalton. Early in this game Detroit jumped out to an early lead thanks to a deep ball TD and bad play calling on the other side. If they lose this game Bears fans want Nagy chucked into Lake Michigan, but the real issues are as expected the McCaskeys. Leading by 1 with 8 minutes left, the Lions should be on their way to their first win of the year. BOOM! But then the Bears went into Chew Clock for the rest of the game. Eating up precious time as Dan Campbell contributed to this nonsense by calling 2 timeouts on 1 play, you do realize that allowed Chicago to run out the clock and kick the game winning field goal, right? I bet he is embracing the tank to the finest degree. The real winner of this game? THE NFL! It’s because of all of the money they put out into this game. Even the Loyola vs Calvert Hall game was better than this mess!
Raiders vs Cowboys: HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS! This is a game that they desperately need if they want any chance of securing the only playoff Bye in the NFC. Playing against a Raiders team in quicksand should be a perfect meal on their Thanksgiving Menu. What ended up happening was that Derek Carr came out slinging the ball around JerryWorld. Vegas took a 24-13 lead deep into the 3rd Quarter. But these are the Cowboys and they will do everything they can for Mike McCarthy to win based on glorious talent. Example: Kick return for a TD. Even as the Raiders extended their lead Dallas still found ways to get back in the game. BEEP! Even if REFBALL kept getting in their way. Before you know it the game is tied at 30 in no time. Shortly afterwards both teams traded clutch field goals. You know what this means? OVERTIME! Dak Prescott ran out of gas as the Cowboys went 3 out. Oh looky you made a stop and are about to get the ball back. BEEP! That’s not happening because Anthony Brown got called for his 4th PI penalty of the game. Now the Raiders are in field goal range and can win the game. How will the officials make this even more insane. BEEP! False Start against Vegas I see you want Jerry to win don’t you. BEEP! Really, are you guys trying to copy the Steelers with their tendencies to jump the snap on field goal attempts. You did it 3 straight times. Can this game please end? “Here we go, this time for real! And it is delivered, good!” Once again the real winner of a Thanksgiving game is the NFL! Just like in the Lions vs Bears game they make it as bizarre as watching “The Holiday” on repeat for a week. Raiders you’re still alive, that schedule of yours may be brutal coming up but hey you made us laugh at Dem Cowboys again. Good work!
Bills vs Saints: What happened to the Saints. Weren’t they supposed to be competing for a playoff spot much less the division a few weeks ago? Once again New Orleans gave us moments of underachieving and being schooled at every turn. Buffalo may not have beaten a legit team besides the Chiefs, but they needed to take advantage of a soft schedule before the big boys of Brady and Belichick in the next 4 weeks. Josh Allen was made to look like Jim Kelly all night despite throwing 2 early picks. The defense played up to expectations even if Tre’davious White is out for the year. How much of it was due to their talent or the Saints plotting Mundane Play Calling that goes back to the Archie Manning years. The Bills needed this win to keep pace with the Patriots and Ravens for the Top Spot in the AFC. Speaking of New England they now have a big time showdown with them coming up. I wonder what they will do against them?
Eagles vs Giants: The Giants need a spark to save their season. They know that one loss will take them out of the playoff hunt completely. Fortunately for them, their old face of the defense in Michael Strahan was getting his jersey number retired by the G-Men at halftime. Maybe his energy would spark the defense. And it did. The Eagles offense could do nothing against New York all day long. They shut down Jordan Howard and Myles Sanders right from the word GO. Jalen Hurts turned into Donovan McNabb in the NFC Championship. It was that bad. Really Sirianni, you’re going to pass up a field goal and a 3-3 tie to get picked off before halftime. Did Doug Pederson ever leave this team? Even as Philadelphia finally gets in the endzone they still won’t stop making turnovers. At least this game has come down to a final drive for the Eagles. What do they do? Trust Jalen Reagar to catch a touchdown in tight coverage. The fact that Howie Roseman drafted him and JJ Arcega-Whiteside over DK Metcalf and Justin Jefferson is BLASPHEMOUS! (They could have those 2 and DeVonta Smith right now) This team should be competing for a playoff spot but this is Philly and they always keep getting in their own way. COUNT ON THAT BABY!
Panthers vs Dolphins: I’m starting to believe that their win over the Ravens wasn’t a fluke. Since then the Dolphins have been one of the hottest teams in the NFL. They have won 4 straight in convincing fashion, get back on the hype train they’re going to the playoffs if they have to die trying! I’d agree despite the fact that Carolina is full of nestalgia. Cam Newton is cooked. He was no match for the Miami Sticky Sand Blitz all day long as they rushed 7 to 8 guys on repeat. It wasn’t only that, the Special Teams unit for the Panthers was exposed all day too. Turns out the Dolphins made the wise decision not to trade Tua for Deshawn Watson, he has been a much different player since he came back from injury. Like I said this team can make the playoffs or come close to it if they win 4 of their last 5. (They play the Giants, Jets, Saints, Titans and Patriots) If that happens Brian Flores deserves all of the credit there is. Good stuff.
Jets vs Texans: 2 teams with no hope and owners who have made bad decisions over the last few years. Prepare the Tanks! (Round Ball Rock playing) Zach Wilson has returned from the IR thanks to Mike White and Joe Flacco both being on the COVID list. And I think he played ok. Tyrod Taylor on the other hand had no answers for the Jets all day long. Tell me this, how can you beat the Titans in Nashville yet lose at home to the Jets. Are you trying to copy the Bengals after they beat the Ravens? They made the ButtFumble’s defense look like their 2009 vintage. Luckily for Houston they have gained ground in the tank bowl but more importantly are officially eliminated from the playoffs.
Texans ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): Who knew that bringing in a 65 year old coach with no coordinator experience would lead to being sentenced back to the basement. Plus no news on Deshawn Watson as you better hope someone takes on that contract and legal issues. Enjoy having your 1st Round pick again after a 3 year wait.
Falcons vs Jaguars: Jaxson DeVille getting stuck while trying to bungee jump onto the field from the top of TIAA Bank Field. That symbolizes both this game and the season for the Jaguars. Failing to launch, being outclassed in every game, and having clever ideas getting exposed. The Falcons may have gotten blown out over the last 2 weeks, but they feasted all day long. Matt Ryan had no issues carving up the Jacksonville Secondary. With this win Atlanta is only a game back from the 7th seed in the NFC. Maybe Trevor Lawrence can take a page out of the Cold Call book and start playing like the QB he was hyped up to be. Not to mention the rumors for Urban Meyer to go back to college have once again begun. It’s only fitting that the Jaguars were also officially eliminated from the playoffs.
Jaguars ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): Do you guys remember when ESPN picked them to make the playoffs over the Ravens, Chiefs, and Patriots? Good because that may be the worst prediction that network has ever made. It turns out that Meyer has become the next college bum at the NFL Level, and is on pace to be as bad as Lou Holtz and Bobby Petrino. Hopefully Trevor Lawrence isn’t the next Tim Couch. You know what is insane, the Jags have spent more money on their O-Line than anyone in the league and they still have problems. Just hire better coaches please.
Steelers vs Bengals: “(Earlier this week) I think the Steelers are due for a bounce back game, they need to prove that they are still a force in the AFC North. The Bengals are good but I don’t think they can beat Pittsburgh in a big game in November and December.” JINX ALERT! Why did I make that pick. The Steelers not only got smacked by the Bungles they were blown right into the Ohio River! Beginning with a Big Ben INT early in the 1st it was that kind of day. Maybe this was the passing of the baton from Pittsburgh to Cincinnati. Their O-Line is cooked, Najee Harris has nowhere to run, the defense has been gassed, and their schedule is only getting tougher. All I can is, this better not be the start of the New Frontier in the AFC North. All Ohio needs is for Cleveland to crush Baltimore in Week 14. I hope that doesn’t happen.
Buccaneers vs Colts: A situation where both teams eye another statement win. The Buccaneers are looking to keep pace the #1 seed in the NFC, the Colts are trying to overtake one of the AFC’s Wild Card spots. Right from about the 2nd Quarter, Indianapolis flashed their potential and took a 17-7 lead with Carson Wentz back in 2017 form. However that was short lived as TB12 torched Indy YET AGAIN! #TompaBay outscored the Colts 24-7 to take a 4th Quarter lead. But Jonathan Taylor ran roughshod over the Bucs vaunted run defense as the game is now tied at 31. But we all know what is coming, HEY HEY TAMPA BAY! THE BUCS ARE HOT AND READY TO PLAY! Unleash the GOAT! If there is any life lesson in the NFL, it is not to give Tom Brady too much time to win the game. Here is why: “Fournette over the left side, stiff arms a man, he keeps on going! Touchdown Tampa Bay!” Too bad Colts, that may have been your best chance at coming back in the AFC South race. They can still get a Wild Card but it will require getting help. Luckily for the Buccaneers they control their own destiny for home field. Good win overall.
Titans vs Patriots: Titans I know you don’t want to hear this but your offense is even more short handed than weeks prior. Julio Jones and AJ Brown are out for this game. Why is that concerning? Because they are facing the Patriots. New England is back in their old form as it seems that there is nothing that will hold back Belichick on his redemption tour. Tennessee just happens to be the newest victim. It was close in the 1st Half, then Mac Jones went to work as well as that punishing run game. Ryan Tannehill couldn’t keep up despite being the only offense that the Titans had. They need King Henry XXII back and they need him back pronto. With this win the Patriots have now won 6 in a row, and knocked Tennessee out of the #1 seed. That honor belongs to perhaps both of these teams biggest arch rivals. BALTIMORE! The Marylanders have come out of their cages again.
Chargers vs Broncos: Momentum is a funny thing in the NFL. A team that can make a statement against an AFC power, gets exposed by another solid team in their own conference. Except this time the Chargers got schooled by their rivals from the Rocky Mountains. The Broncos needed this win to keep their playoff hopes alive and they did. Justin Herbert was running for his life all evening long. It was that brutal. Not to mention LA had no answers for Denver’s running attack. You guys remember when you didn’t give Melvin Gordon a new contract? Well no you do because he torched you for much of the game. The AFC is getting very interesting and all 4 teams have a shot at the division title. Knowing the NFL they are probably going to rig it for Kansas City because ESPN. Thus is the great circle of life.
Vikings vs 49ers: The Vikings have optimism! Following their collapse in Baltimore they have been a much different team. They have been able to win the close games, they just knocked off their Big Brothers of the division and hope is back in the air. That was until they ran into a white hot 49ers team. This wasn’t a blowout like it was in the playoffs 2 years ago but Minnesota just failed to keep up with the San Fran offense. I will say the 9ers look like a different team with George Kittle back from the IL. It’s not because of his threat in the passing game, it’s because of his run blocking abilities. They have returned to pounding teams throughout a game like they did in 2019. Yes Vikings fans can moan about REFBALL but let’s be real they weren’t winning this game. Even worse for them (CRACK!) Dalvin Cook is out long term and their RB room is very thin. Vikes at least you control your own destiny, if you fail its likely gonzo time for Zimmer. Just don’t let it become a habit.
Rams vs Packers: Tell me when you have heard this story before? A big market superteam with all of the hype in the world got suffocated by a powerhouse from Wisconsin. Just like in the NBA Playoffs last year those narratives continued. The Rams once again proved why they have no chance of winning the Super Bowl in their own stadium if they can’t play in cold weather. Aaron Rodgers may be a media sensation growing by the day but he needs to defend his MVP Trophy by any means necessary. You know what is also funny, Matt Stafford despite being on a new team still got smacked at Lambeau in a big game. It’s like he never left the Lions at all with his performance. If Green Bay gets the #1 seed this year, no one except TB12 is going to want to play there in January. Arizona, you know what to do?
Browns vs Ravens: This may have been one of the most bizarre games I have ever been to at M&T Bank Stadium. Yes I need to separate this game into its own doc again, but how much crazier can this Ravens season get? Thank goodness they still won and kept their precious narratives over the Browns. Hopefully the New Frontier of the AFC North doesn’t begin this year.
Seahawks vs Hogs: Seattle and Russell Wilson are in desperation mode! They know that there are no tomorrows left in them, their 1st Round pick is Jets property, and their playoff hopes are on the line against a suddenly white hot Hogs team. Washington’s defense was all over the Seahawks Offensive Line as Wilson could do nothing for 3 quarters. The only good thing for them was that they blocked a PAT and ran it back for 2 to tie the game. Even more fascinating is that the Hogs are without a kicker for the rest of the game. It for the moment doesn’t matter because Washington took the lead in the 3rd and had a chance to knock Seattle out basically for good. BEEP! Really NFL, you call this incomplete but you call the Njoku catch on Sunday Night a TD even if there was clear evidence that it hit the ground. Let me guess the NFL wants certain narratives. And here is why. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Russell Wilson takes advantage of this controversial call and now has the chance to send it into OT with a 2 point play. Seattle is going to get bailed out by talent again aren’t they. “Wilson throws it for the end zone and its (DRAMATIC MUSIC) PICKED OFF!” There basically lies the hopes and dreams of Seahawks fans everywhere. Their playoff hopes a #GONE. I would say just tank the season but your first 2 picks in this draft are Jets property. Washington meanwhile, now has the 7 seed in the NFC. They are making the playoffs again aren’t they.
Bragging Rights Sports 