PA System: “America, it’s time. Sunday Night is the night where the stars come out to shine. Under Primetime Lights it’s more than a fight. It’s where heavyweights collide. Tonight the Browns and Ravens lay it all on the line!” Narrator: Ah yes a Sunday Night Football flashback intro which makes me wanna go back to the glory years of the Ray Lewis and Ed Reed era. And one more thing. Marylander: WELCOME TO THE GREATEST PRIMETIME ATMOSPHERE IN ALL OF THE NFL! (Ravens fans yelling) THE BLACKOUT IS HERE!!! Greg Davis: Ladies and Gentlemen… HERE! COME!! THE RAVENS!!!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Devonta Freeman, Marquise Brown, Sammy Watkins, Mark Andrews, Calais Campbell, Tyus Bowser, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, with Don Martindale, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest Appearances by Browns Superfan KTO, Snoop Dogg, and the Salty Marylander on air and live.
Season 2 Episode 11: The 2021 BLACKOUT Game
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: You see how I used the Faith Hill Sunday Night intro from 2011-12 when introducing the cast instead of the usual U2 guitar solo during Where the Streets have No Name. Crazy I know. Anyways after a gutsy win in Chicago, the Ravens have no time to relax over Thanksgiving like last year because of COVID. They have bigger fish to fry. 5 of their last 7 games are against division rivals with the Packers and Rams sandwiched in between. Just like 2019 this is a brutal stretch that will say many things about the Boys in Purple. John Harbaugh knows this very well. This team has played some of their best football under Harbs in December and if they ace this gauntlet it will prove why he should be Coach of the Year for the 2nd time in 3 years. There have been many questions throughout the week. One of them being the health surrounding Planet LJ. His symptoms of the Winter Flu prevented him from taking action in the Ravens win last Sunday in Chicago. Luckily for all the homers in the Baltimore Media, Jackson said on Wednesday that there was no way he was missing the next game. “I felt good, great this time, god dang.” says Lamar in an attempt to fire up all of the Marylanders.
For Coach Harbaugh this weekend is very important. Not only is it Thanksgiving, he and his brother Jim Harbaugh have big time matchups against Ohio teams on their home fields. Yes you heard that, Michigan going into this weekend’s matchup with THE Ohio State University had lost 8 straight games to the Buckeyes dating back to 2012, and Jim Harbaugh’s record against them was 0-5 but all of those were against Urban Meyer. Now against a 2nd year coach in Ryan Day maybe a new storyline will be written. And indeed it was! The Wolverines dominated Ohio State and were in control for much of the game. They used a game plan that would make Bo Schembechler himself proud. In recent years in this matchup they didn’t run the ball, THEY HAD TO RUN THE FOOTBALL MORE! It worked because Hassan Haskins tied a Michigan record with 5 TDs. The end of the game was bedlam as expected because the Maize and Blue fans stormed the field and were partying all night after the game. This game basically clinched the Wolves spot in the College Football Playoff. And good times were had by every single member of the Harbaugh Family.
Just like his brother Jim, John Harbaugh and his Ravens are entering a bigtime showdown against a team from the state of Ohio. Parris Glendening (Nativity Advent Spiral playing): “Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT AT HAND! THE BROWNS ARE INDEED COMING TO BALTIMORE!” Narrator: Except this time, Harbaugh and the rest of the Ravens have the precious narratives over his opponents. The Ravens are 7-0 in primetime games all time against their old franchise, and are 18-3 in primetime games at home since his arrival in 2008. Not to mention they are undefeated in primetime while in their all black alternates at night since 08. Speaking of the All Black Uniforms, not only were the players told to wear Black but the fans attending the game were told to do so as well. Apparently Steve Bisciotti is trying a marketing idea to rival the Whiteout at Penn State. In his eyes most of the fans wear black anyways to night games later in the season once the weather drops a bit. So what better idea to convince the 71,000 fans that will attend this game to wear nothing but black Ravens gear. (Jersey’s, Sweatshirts, Coats, Gloves, Hats, YOU NAME IT!) And this doesn’t even mention that they are giving out glow in the dark wristbands so fans can create a light show during the intros and key plays during the game.
Due to the importance of this game because of narratives and bragging rights being on the line in this so-called one sided rivalry, we have sent out our beloved Salty Marylander who will be joining us live from M&T Bank Stadium. Let’s see what he has to say. Marylander (Live): “All I can say is, after what Jim Harbaugh did yesterday, his big bro needs to back it up right now. The AFC’s #1 seed is ours for the taking. There are no excuses if we fail. The Browns think they are going to beat the breaks off of them. I have one thing to say to them. “Bring on the Dawgs and their angry crowds, to the best fans in the league. And when they went back to Cleveland, we’ll be cheering them on… WHEN THEY LEAVE!!! (Ravens fans yelling)” Narrator: Ah yes, the media wants the Ravens precious narratives to die too. Many are saying that this is the game that Baker Mayfield balls out after a week of being the center of the National Media. (It’s like this every time during the week leading up to when they play the Ravens) As for Cleveland themselves, oh they are only marching into the greatest night game atmosphere in the NFL. (If you listen closely, you can hear the Marylander reciting the words to Warriors by League of Legends) This is a kind of game that should be close and hard fought.
Serious Narrator: This game requires no regular voice and more of a serious tone because of the stakes of it. This matchup of talented squads begins with both teams trying to gain momentum early on. Other than a long completion to Jarvis Landry the Browns had limited space to run on their opening drive. The killers being a dropped pass by Donovan Peoples Jones, and Chase McLaughlin missing a field goal wide to the left. (It seems like Justin Tucker is the only one that can figure out the wind directions in this stadium) The momentum didn’t last long as Planet LJ was chucked into the ground by Miles Garrett. Which led to a short 6 play drive. Then we get to the weekly Football Follies! Also known as Ravens vs REFBALL! If you don’t know this, the referee crew of Jerome Boger was officiating Super Bowl XLVII in which the Ravens held off an epic comeback by the 49ers. Which in Baltimore terms he gets a pass. In this game he and his crew, unlike their Week 3 fiasco in San Francisco, Boger and his fellow officials went against the home crowd. Beginning with a question PI call against Marlo (I won’t argue the call, there was clearly contact) the refs were once again out to get Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh! (Benny Hill music playing) A major example was on the very next Baltimore possession. The Ravens tried running a fake punt with Anthony Levine as the upback, only for that to get called back thanks to the officials not being ready. Then Jackson and company were set to go for it on a 4th and 2, yet just before the snap, fans argued that the Browns should have been called for 12 men on the field. How can this get crazy? BEEP! “12 men on the field, defense.” Really Joe Woods, you had 12 men on the field for 3 straight plays and didn’t notice it, I mean COME ON! That’s a mistake they make in Pop Warner and you did it in an NFL game. And more baffling is that there was a 15 yard cheap shot hit by Malik McDowell which led to a drive ending field goal for Justin Tucker. Cleveland doing Cleveland things. NOT SHOCKED!
Following a 3 and out by Mayfield, the Men in Black needed to go down the field quickly. They answered the call. Planet LJ torched the Browns on this possession with both his arm and his legs. But just as they get deep into Browns territory, they stall out thanks to Miles Garrett being a wrecking machine. They could go for it on 4th Down but Kevin Zeitler made one of his few mistakes this season by getting called for a false start. Thus resulting in another Tucker field goal. (Take the points, good logic) Baker in response hit Harrison Bryant on a corner route. (Marlon Humphrey getting burned, something you don’t see every day) Then the Turnover Carnival began! (Circus music) “Mayfield is ready for the backwards pass, but Landry, Lookout, got hit as he was going to throw it. This should be a fumble, and the Ravens have recovered.” (Who is Jarvis trying to be? Kobe Hudson of Auburn during the Whiteout game) Odafe Oweh channeling his inner Derrick Tangelo I see. Even though this should be a done deal, Lamar gave it right back to Cleveland with an INT thanks to Rashod Bateman not knowing where the ball is. Luckily for him and Greg Roman it only led to a field goal and a 6-3 game. Making up for that sequence, Planet LJ leads his mates to another interception. This time he didn’t see Grant Delpit and got burned. (I thought we were done with this nonsense) Any other team would normally capitalize on this mistake. Oh right this is Cleveland! They can’t have anything good in their lives. Baker loses the ball and Baltimore recovers it in another massive scrum. (Incoming Colin Cowherd criticism for Baker) Fortunately for Browns fans Jackson got picked off again! Marylander (Live): OH GIVE ME A BREAK! PAUSE.
Serious Narrator: Turns out that John Harbaugh was livid at Roman and his playcalling and told Lamar just give the ball to the Goldmine of a Tight End. Even if Mark Andrews has been doubled all night, they need a spark. I wonder where that is going to come from? “He releases as Jackson points. Throws it downfield, Andrews got free. Lamar couldn’t get it to him and he caught it anyway!” WOW! That is one impressive catch. You know what is even more impressive, they ran the same play on 3rd and 10 3 plays later and what happened? Another insane catch by #89 for a touchdown! Marylander plus 71,000 fans: “YEAAAAAAAAH!” Davis: “Pass complete to Mark Andrews in the endzone! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS!” That play might have just taken the air out of Kevin Stefanski and Joe Woods. Ravens fans: R-A-V-E-N-S RAVENS! (The only time Real Fan Dan was shown on the video board in that game) Serious Narrator: Well if there is any indication, the crowd is clearly in Baker’s head. The Browns offense continues to sputter and Baltimore has a chance to extend the lead. The only problem was that they stalled just outside of field goal range thus preventing a 3rd Quarter dagger.
How can this game get even crazier? BOOM! More REFBALL because why not? Lets begin with a roughing the passer call against Tyus Bowser that was very questionable. In my opinion, that was a legit call. Bowser’s helmet was all over Mayfield which was proof that Boger made the right call. Next up, Cleveland finally gets into the endzone on a 20 yard TD pass to David Njoku. But as expected there was plenty of controversy. Many Ravens fans were arguing that the ball clearly touched the ground, and all scoring plays are reviewable. What was the concluding result of this play. Boger: “After review, the ruling on the field stands.” Ravens fans: “BOOOOOOO!” Serious Narrator: Really you’re going to call that a catch. What evidence was there for it to be ruled a touchdown. Marylander (Live): “I think the officials are being mind controlled by Max Kellerman and Dan Orlovsky. They just want Cleveland to win so Baker can get hyped.” Serious Narrator: MY POINT EXACTLY! All of a sudden it’s a 3 point game. The offense needs to put points on the board fast. However Lamar got picked off again on a nice catch by John Johnson. Marylander: STOP THIS ALREADY! Serious Narrator: Calm down this is Cleveland, they have shot themselves in the foot all night. Marylander: Ok.
Serious Narrator: Just when you think the Ravens will hand the Browns the game, Mayfield and OC Bill Callahan get in their own way once again. Cleveland is forced to punt even with Planet LJ giving them a prime chance to win the game. Then John Harbaugh in the words of Schembechler told the Roman Empire. “We didn’t run the ball enough. WE’VE GOTTA RUN THE FOOTBALL MORE!” That’s exactly what they did. With Devonta Freeman finally getting space to run, the Ravens chewed up the clock and are now a 1st Down away from running the clock out. It looks like this game is over, “Holding, offense #72.” And of course it can’t be a Ravens game without REFBALL trying to hold them back. Really Ben Powers, you’re going to get called for holding this late. Just don’t worry about it, ok. Even as Baltimore failed to run out the clock Justin Tucker extended their lead to 6. Oh boy the Browns have a chance to make up for their failed final drive in 2018. This crowd better be at full scream right now. (Hot in Herre playing) There he is! Ray Lewis is inside M&T baby. He and Ed Reed may not be on the field playing, but they must have sparked the defense to go out there and win the game. (I still am not sure if Reed was there too, if he was they probably would have shown him too.) Just like in that 2018 Week 17 game, the Browns are down to their final strike. What will they do to stay alive? “Here comes a blitz, they do. Mayfield throws, it’s caught by Njoku, (League of Legends theme playing) can’t get there! Bowser the tackle, Baltimore will take it!” (Flashbacks: “Ed Reed. Interception! And Ed Reed brings it out of the endzone! 106 yards!” “A 4th and 10, and here they come Mayfield’s pass! IS INTERCEPTED BY MOSLEY! And the Ravens are gonna take the division!” “Hollywood Brown, he’s going in! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS! OH IT’S UNBELIEVABLE!”) “Jackson will take a knee and this one is over.” PAUSE.
Regular Narrator: Cleveland is officially broken! Despite all of the hype on Draft Weekend and throughout the summer plus the talent on display it only leads to one outcome. Losing to the Ravens again, in a primetime game at M&T Bank Stadium, AGAIN! I could just copy and paste the scripts of Ravens vs Browns games in the past and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Including Baker Mayfield being the center of the National Media leading up to the game. The only difference was, the Browns picked off Lamar Jackson 4 times and still lost the game. You know this rivalry has reached meme territory for the Dawg Pound. 8 straight primetime losses to Baltimore. They are more of a demon than John Elway and Red Right 88 ever could be. At 6-6 with the heart of their schedule coming up, Cleveland is in serious trouble especially since they suffered the NFL’s version of Groundhog Day. For more on this story we go to a Browns fan for a skit of their last 3 games.
KTO (After beating the Bengals): Man does it feel good to be a Browns fan.
Snoop Dogg (Being a bandwagon): What up, this is big Snoop Dogg. Dawg Pound, y’all better turn it up this week. Y’all got a new feeling, new spirit. Let’s go get it done Dawg Pound.
Media: Are these Browns, these new look Browns, all sexy on paper Super Bowl Contenders? YES THEY ARE!
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“The Patriots have beaten the doors off the Browns.”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“Tip up and it’s picked off by the Lions!”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
“Touchdown Mark Andrews! What a throw from Lamar Jackson!”
Marylander: HOLD UP!
KTO: We have to play the Ravens again in 2 weeks, if we don’t solve our problems by then it’s another lost season.
Ravens fans: YOU CAN’T BEAT US! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! (X4) YEAAAH!!!
KTO: Can we please fast forward to next year, Sincerely, all Browns fans.
Narrator: All of the salt coming from Lake Erie, Fox Sports, and ESPN is incredible! I think it’s time for the Marylander’s take on this one.
Marylander: This may have been one of the most bizarre games that I have ever been to in person. It felt like old school Ravens Football, with defense being the focus of the game. Isn’t it nice to see our defense finally break out into their full potential. I don’t want to hear another word about how Baker played this badly. Let me tell you this, WE TOOK THE BEST RUN GAME IN THE NATION AND HELD THEM TO 40 YARDS! And this was without Calais Campbell, and Jimmy Smith. Once those 2 come back it’s a feeding frenzy once again! The offense was sloppy including LJ but who cares if he throws 4 picks A WIN’S A WIN! All I saw out there was Jerome Boger and his crew trying to throw flags at the Ravens all night long. WE BEAT 2 TEAMS OUT THERE! THE BROWNS AND THE REFS! WE SHOULD BE 9-3, 10-3 AFTER THIS! I don’t care how much we have been doubted, and that our Top Seed in the AFC is a fluke. THEY MAY RANK US BEHIND THE PATS, CHIEFS, BUNGLES, AND BILLS IN THE POWER RANKINGS THIS WEEK! BUT THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: There’s the optimism we need! With a “6 game season” ahead of them, Baltimore is on pace for homefield in the playoffs. As the narratives of beating Cleveland continue, SO ARE THE CHARMC CITY BEASTS! Marylander: WE’VE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! YEAAAH!
Link to KTO: https://www.youtube.com/user/4lifebigL
Bragging Rights Sports 