Packers vs Cardinals: This game may be the most anticipated Thursday Night game of all time. The Cardinals have a chance to remain undefeated while the Packers ride a 6 game win streak into the desert with all of the Cheeseheads gloating about the NBA Finals. As Arizona takes the early lead, Aaron Rodgers is out for blood and is trying to gain control of the #1 seed in the NFC. With this being said, Green Bay puts up 17 unanswered points in a hurry even with their Top 2 Receivers out because of COVID. Even as the Packers are doing everything they can to pull away with the victory, Kyler Murray and the AirRaid offense continue to put up quick strike points. The Cardinals got a massive break deep into the 4th Quarter as Matt LaFleur decided to go for it on 4th and Short instead of kicking the field goal. Now the Cards get the ball and drive all the way down the field. They can either kick the field goal and play for OT or run 1 more play to win it. “Murray looking, he fires it towards AJ Green, and it’s (MUSIC. Go Pack Go!) INTERCEPTED!” (MUSIC. Go Pack Go!) The Phoenix area gets PTSD of Jrue Holiday and Giannis at the end of Game 5 of the 2021 NBA Finals. Look at it, it’s the exact same scenario! Now Wisconsin gets to use their own billboard in the desert to taunt Arizona sports fans after what they did in July. You know what this game also means? POP! The last undefeated team has lost, the 1972 Miami Dolphins 17-0 record being extended for a 49th consecutive year. Thus is the great circle of life.
Panthers vs Falcons: Carolina needs to get back in the win column. They have lost 4 straight since CMC went down, and they are looking for a team equal to their talent level. That answer is the Atlanta Falcons. Yes they may be 3-3 but they have flaws all over their roster. Even better news for the Panthers their new defensive stud in Stephon Gilmore finally made his debut. Boy was his impact immediate. They went from struggling on defense against teams like the Eagles and Vikings to taking down a so called high powered offense in the Falcons. Matt Ryan I like the Cold Call ads but you’re over the hill with this team. The only way you can win it all is if you get out of the ATL. There is one more thing to go over, the City of Atlanta doesn’t have to live in misery this year. The Braves have gone from ugly duckling to World Series Champs in a span of 3 months. Congratulations, your city deserves it boys. (The Atlanta Stereotype is in the Pit of Misery. DILLY! DILLY!)
49ers vs Bears: There is some relief for Bears fans. Matt Nagy has suffered the dreaded COVID bug and is unable to coach this game. This situation, according to Bears fans, gave Justin Fields all of the freedom in the world to run his game instead of what the coach told him to do. Normally this would result in a win right? Well Chicago can’t make it easy on themselves. Yes the 49ers have lost 4 straight coming into this game but they still have talent and are pushing for a playoff spot. The Bears defense even without Khalil Mack couldn’t get a sack and had problems with the blitz all day long. You sure about trading a 1st Round pick to the Giants. I know Fields is the future of this organization but you need to support him on both sides. Also why have the McCaskeys not cared about Offensive Linemen. That’s the only way these QB’s can survive.
Dolphins vs Bills: I want to hear absolutely nothing about how the Bills are the best team in the AFC by a longshot. I get that they have Josh Allen and weapons galore on offense but let me tell you why I don’t see them as the runaway favorites for a trip to the Super Bowl. Mostly it’s because they have yet to beat a team that has an over 500 record this season and they stall out on either side for most parts of the game. The teams that they have beaten have a combined record of 8-24. (They beat the Chiefs but they are mediocre this year) Against Miami the offense struggled throughout the 1st Half and couldn’t run the ball. The game was even tied at halftime. I don’t care that they got their act together in the 2nd Half, if you play down to the worst team in the conference you need a massive wakeup call. And you know what’s ridiculous, they have the easiest schedule in the NFL and are going to most likely coast to the #1 because of all of the injuries in the AFC. Be glad you are playing a Dolphins team that has no Running Game and no Offensive Line. That team went from dark horse contender to being back in the basement in just one year. Not to mention the bandwagons from the Chiefs teams of the last few years have also joined this insufferable fanbase. Another team from the state of New York that I want to see fail. (BillsMafia is Chiefs Kingdom ON STEROIDS! I’m not trying to be a Salty Marylander but I kinda am.)
Steelers vs Browns: A situation where both teams need the win. The Steelers need to win to get revenge for their loss last year on Wild Card Weekend, and the Browns want to potentially gain control of the AFC North. Early in the game both teams were excellent on defense. It may be because the offensive play calling on both sides is bad but this is like old school AFC North Football. The Steelers even tried faking a field goal to try and take the lead at the end of the half to gain confidence on offense, CRACK! Then Chris Boswell suffered a concussion and had to leave the game. (The Yinzers want Danny Smith’s head AGAIN) Those points will not come back to haunt Pittsburgh. Cleveland has a 10-3 but this is Big Ben and you know he hates losing divisional games. The Steelers storm back for 12 straight points and take the lead. However it may not be enough as the Browns with Baker gaining extreme swagger close in for the kill. How will they attack BlitzBurg 2.0? “Here is Mayfield to throw, he finds Landry over the middle and it’s a FUMBLE and it’s recovered by the Steelers!” (Jarvis Landry and the World of Butterfingers) JuJu was right, the Browns are still the same old Browns. Underachieving, Mediocre, and a 2nd Tier AFC North team. I tried warning you guys in my doc about them. Give this team any hype and they will disappoint you. With this game the Yinzers get plenty of false hope and are only a game back for the division lead. Now watch the AFC North come down to the 2 traditional powers again. (“The Stillers are going to the Super Bowl” -UrinatingTree and every Yinzer)
Eagles vs Lions: Detroit is a bad team, and I mean really bad. I know they play with a lot of heart but now things are getting out of control. Now they are getting smacked on a weekly basis whether it’s at home or on the road. Usually you would think it’s a contender that would do the honor. TRY THE EAGLES! A team that has been stuck in quicksand all year just put up their most impressive offensive performance since Opening Day. The Lions made Jalen Hurts look like Donovan McNabb in 2004. With this win Philadelphia now gains false hope of a potential playoff berth despite having a 3-5 record. Considering that the 7th seed is going to be taken by a team that shouldn’t be near a playoff spot they have a right to get cocky. Just beat a legit opponent before you can talk all the smack in the world. (The Chargers game next week at the Linc should be an interesting game)
Rams vs Texans: The Lions aren’t the only team that just wants their season to end. They can join the Texans in this debate. Remember when pundits were praising the winning culture this organization once had. It has been replaced by dinosaurs both on and off the field. Against the Rams it was proven all day long. LA didn’t have to even try and they still would have won by as much as they did. I get that you traded off Mark Ingram so he could be back in New Orleans (I really wanted him back in Baltimore) but why didn’t you trade Zach Cunningham, Brandon Cooks, and David Johnson? With this stubbornness you guys are making the Colorado Rockies look like choir boys. And that’s not even getting to the whole Deshawn Watson dilemma in which they wanted even more in return for him even if the assault rumors have gone. We warned you about David Culley this whole time. Can I just put this team in the elimination room please. (Edit I have to wait until they have 9 or more losses)
Titans vs Colts: The Colts have regained their old swagger. 3 wins in 4 games and now they get to face the class of their division in the Titans at home. So far everything is going well for Indy. They jumped out to a quick 14-0 lead while barely breaking a sweat. Tennessee does have plenty of offensive talent and are looking to extend their lead in the AFC South. One big play TD to AJ Brown allows the Titans to tie the game up. Both teams continued to play up to their potential on both sides as the game went on. With the game tied at 24-24 the Colts have the last chance to win. “Wentz goes back to throw, he is swarmed in the endzone and it’s PICKED OFF AND RAN IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN BY ELIJAH MOLDEN!” This should be game over but Carson Wentz had to redeem himself as the Colts quickly tied the game and sent it to OT. After both teams traded punts, Indianapolis had a chance to do what they couldn’t do against the LA Rams and Baltimore, close out the damn game. “Wentz fires it to the sideline and it’s PICKED OF BY BYARD!” This game shouldn’t be blamed on Carson Wentz. The Colts this year have suffered nothing but bad luck and it has continued in almost every game this year. Now they are going to have to basically win out just to make the playoffs. Sometimes in the NFL things don’t go your way early but you can’t give up. Anyways Tennessee you may have had another solid win but it does come at a cost. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) CRACK! King Henry is out for possibly the rest of the season. They are going to need Ryan Tannehill and the passing attack to carry this team if they want any chance at going to the Super Bowl. Considering their upcoming schedule it could get ugly if they don’t figure it out.
Bengals vs Jets: Hey Cincy, great job on the win last week! BOOM! What in the world is going on? Bengals, why? When did we tell you guys that you can’t act like you just won the Super Bowl when your rival was due for a loss? Against a Jets team starting a backup in Mike White (No not that Mike White) in his NFL Debut this should be a beatdown right? But the Bungles took a page out of the Steelers book of playing down to their competition, and used it to perfection. Even as Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase continue their hot streak, Zac Taylor can’t make this easy for himself or their fans. Deep into the 4th Quarter the Bengals have an 11 point lead and look to be on cruise control. Oh do I hear the Nutcracker music playing because the FOOTBALL FOLLIES ARE BACK! It’s at this moment where Mike White turns into Joe Namath as the Bungles have no answers for him and the ButtFumble gets back in the game. Don’t worry Cincinnati, all you need to do is get 3 1st Downs and you’ll be 6-2. “Burrow under pressure, he is hit as he throws it and it’s batted and INTERCEPTED!” Oh my goodness what is going on? 2 plays after the pick, the Jets take the lead by 3. Now lets see if the Tiger King can bail out his mediocre coach? “Burrow is sacked!” You may not have gotten points but hey you have all 3 timeouts and the 2 minute warning. If you stop them here you have a shot to win, forcing a 3 and out nice job, HOLD IT! “Personal Foul, unnecessary roughness, defense #21. 15 yard penalty, automatic 1st Down.” At least there is another chance to stop them. “White on a QB sneak, did he get the 1st, no signal, They gave it to him and this game is over!” HOLY COW THE BUNGLES JUST LOST TO THE JETS! Excuse me for a second, (ESPN screaming in background) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (The Ravens now lead the AFC North again, unleash the insufferable Marylanders!)
Hogs vs Broncos: This game should be a tank bowl but in reality both teams have chances at the playoffs thanks to how weak the race for the #7 seed in both conferences are. This is the kind of game that past prime Alex Smith and Joe Flacco prefer. Checkdowns, fighting for extra yards, great defense, and QB’s that can only manage the game. Also chuck in the fact that both teams can’t make a field goal either. Tied at 10-10 deep into the 4th Quarter this was a game where one team just had to win. That happened to be the Broncos, Teddy Bridgewater did just enough to lead his team to victory and back into the playoff hunt. Washington what happened? How did you guys go from a promising team back to being mediocre? Oh its because Dan Snyder must be punished by the Football Gods. Tough luck!
Sidenote: Denver don’t think we’re done with you either. You know how Von Miller is in the final year of his contract and may be on the verge of leaving. He’s gone. He was traded to the LA Rams for a 2nd and 3rd Round pick. (Thats all? But he is not the same player he once was) Honestly they had to it, they were going to have to choose between him or Bradley Chubb this offseason. So now the Rams will have Miller, Ramsey, and Aaron Donald on their defense. Sean McVay is literally playing Pokemon and choosing whatever weapon he wants to use for an all in run at a chance to become the 2nd team to play a Super Bowl in their own stadium. They saw what the Bucs did last year and now they want to do the same.
Jaguars vs Seahawks: Jacksonville has to be the most unprepared team since the John McKay Buccaneers of 1976 and 1977. This game is a prime example of that claim. They made the Seattle Seahawks a team without Russell Wilson plus a defense with underachievers look like their 2013 vintage. The Jags couldn’t get anything going against these boys. Not to mention they made Geno Smith look like the Top QB prospect that he was during the same year as the Legion of Boom broke out. The good news for Seahawks fans is that Russell Wilson is coming back sooner than we thought he would. The fact that they are only 1 game back of the Wild Card without their field general is insane. Now watch them make the playoffs because of Russ’ return.
Buccaneers vs Saints: Is it me or do the Saints know how to beat the GOAT in the regular season? I don’t know what it is but it’s just that way sometimes. (Their track record against Brady rivals the Ravens) If New Orleans is going to pull off the upset they are going to have to do this without Jameis Winston. DING! He tore his ACL and is out for the year. Now they have to bring in Trevor Siemian in place of Famous Jameis. You may think that there is no way that the Buccaneers will lose this game. BOOM! Who Dat saying Tom Brady is going to beat the Saints in the regular season? New Orleans jumps out to a 23-7 lead in the 2nd Half with no signs of slowing down. But here is the thing, TB12 is on the other side. Tampa Bay storms back for 20 unanswered points as the Bucs take the lead late in the 4th. The Saints took the ball and went down the field against the tired Tampa Bay defense but they can’t run out the clock and settle for a 2 point lead. HEY HEY TAMPA BAY! THE BUCS ARE HOT AND READY TO “INTERCEPTED! Its picked off by PJ Williams and he is going in for a touchdown, and the Saints are going to win!” Wow! The wonders of Bourbon Street have been unleashed. Turns out that with or without Drew Brees the Saints are still one of the premier teams in the NFC. It was on full display all day long. Buccaneers I don’t think your division will be a cakewalk after this game. Just get your act together and you’ll be fine.
Patriots vs Chargers: Bill Belichick is on a mission! He wants to prove that he can still win in the NFL without having the GOAT on his side. The Patriots are looking to make a statement against an AFC Contender. Fortunately for New England their opponents would be right up their alley. The Chargers may be coming off a needed Bye Week after the embarrassment they took at the Big Crab Cake, but they have always struggled against the Hoodie. This game would be no different. For much of the game, LA was trying to pull away and regain control of the AFC West with the Raiders on their Bye Week, but the Pats were always one step ahead of Brandon Staley and his squad. Despite the Chargers having a 1 point lead in the 4th Quarter they cannot escape their fate. “The time has come, EXECUTE ORDER 66!” “Herbert to throw, he fires it to the right. (Darth Vader theme playing) PICKED OFF! And it’s going to be a Pick6 for the Patriots.” Ladies and Gentlemen come for yourself and witness the potential return of the Evil Empire, now that they can close out key games on both sides against stronger opponents they have a chance to make it back to the playoffs. As for the Bolts they now must suffer through RaiderNation lording over them for a week. ¡NO HAY SOPA PARA TI SPANOS! (No Soup for you Dean Spanos)
Cowboys vs Vikings: There may be hope for Vikings fans today. They are coming off a Bye and have a chance to regain control of their playoff destiny. Even better, Dak Prescott is inactive thanks to a bum calf. Minnesota went down the field on their opening drive and took what looked to be an insurmountable lead. But you have to remember this, the Vikings are notorious for losing games that they should win on paper. Cooper Rush in his 1st pro start in place of Dak struggled for much of this game. That is until one big pass to Cedrick Wilson that tied up the game. Following that quick strike both teams traded key stops and field goals. Minnesota has a 3 point lead but Dallas has the ball. There is no way the Cowboys can win this game, they are down to a 3rd and 16 and the best they can do is kick a field goal and tie the game. HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! But yet again Mike McCarthy gets bailed out by the firepower of his offense. Dallas converts the 3rd Down play and Amari Cooper banishes any optimism that the Skolkings had on making the playoffs. The Cowboys now have won 6 straight following a Week 1 loss and show no signs of stopping anytime soon. To Minnesota this is their average Wednesday. Don’t worry Mike Zimmer next week you get to be mauled by Ravens.
Giants vs Chiefs: This one of the ugliest games that I have seen out of the Chiefs in a long time. This is the most uninspiring football I have ever seen out of them in the Mahomes era. I still have no idea why their fans aren’t worried. (It’s the same with the Brooklyn Nets in the NBA) “We have Mahomes, Hill, Kelce, and Reid. We will be fine because there are still many things that you haven’t seen from us. Just you wait.” This isn’t Hamilton the Musical Chiefs fans! You guys were getting smacked for much of this game by the Giants. THE GIANTS! A team missing almost their entire starting offense due to injuries and COVID, plus a head coach who is falling into the same traps as McDaniels, Mangini, and O’Brien. Be thankful Daniel Jones is walking mediocrity unless you’ll be stuck in the playoff hunt on the outside looking in. People are going to say, why are you cynical to them, that’s not your personality. I have to be cynical to Chiefs fans because they still won’t shut up about how they are this invincible organization that can do no wrong and never lose. (Like I said, I already dealt with Nets fans doing this to me back in June) I’m looking at you Hunt Girls, Brittany Matthews, and Jackson Mahomes. They still have a long way to go at making the playoffs even after this win. Plus that ridiculous schedule of theirs is only getting harder.
Bragging Rights Sports 