ESPN: The hottest team in the NFL is the Los Angeles Chargers. They are the team to beat in the AFC. They will take the crown as Kings of the AFC West from the Chiefs. Justin Herbert is the MVP this season. What else do the Ravens have besides Lamar Jackson. I think LA wins and it won’t be close. The Ravens have coasted on pure luck this season. Marylander: They are talking at us and trying to get in our heads! Anytime you doubt the Ravens especially at home there is a good chance you’ll be proven wrong. When someone picks you to not only lose but get destroyed on your home soil it is bulletin board material. I got one message for you, ESPN. NEVER DOUBT THE BOY WONDER JOHNNY HARBAUGH!!!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Rashod Bateman, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, Marlon Humphrey, Jimmy Smith, DeShon Elliott, Justin Tucker, with John Harbaugh, and Rob Ryan. Guest Appearances by the “Salty Marylander” and Ravens Play by Play Announcer Gerry Sandusky
Season 2 Episode 6: Vintage Chargering
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: It’s always a good day when we make plenty of salt from the Irsay Family. After perhaps the most dramatic comeback in Ravens History, they have clearly focused on improving and not living in the past. John Harbaugh’s message to the team in the locker room following the Monday Night game against the Colts was simple. He asked them what was their favorite win of the season, they answered out loud, THE NEXT ONE! A forward thinking team if I’d say so myself. Following the 1st 400 yard passing game of his career, Planet LJ was the talk of the week on the airwaves around Owings Mills. Many said that Jackson has become a more deadly passer this year than he is as a runner. He said that he would totally agree with it but his job is to win the game. Speaking of Jackson he got a special surprise from Louisville. They announced his jersey number from when he played at the University would be retired by the football program on November 13. Ironically he and Johnny Unitas are the only players from Louisville who have their jersey numbers retired by the school. (Unitas has a statue outside M&T Bank Stadium too) Lamar said that he was in pure joy when he was on that call with Louisville. He has come so far from when his mom told Bobby Petrino that he was a QB not a WR. As for the defense they were receiving plenty of criticism for getting picked apart by Carson Wentz on Monday Night Football. Even with the epic win, Wink Martindale told the media that we are only getting stronger. We will have all kinds of tricks up our sleeves going forward. With DeShon Elliott and Josh Bynes coming back from injuries and the practice squad the defense should have an easier time putting together strong performances. The defender receiving the most criticism was Patrick Queen. His tendencies of missing tackles this year have been a concern but Rob Ryan claimed that this is the NFL, you have good days and you have bad days, but in the end as long as you focus on the positives there is no need to panic. The only injury concern on offense was #PlayoffSammy. He took a huge shot to the hamstring in the win over the Colts and wasn’t able to play in this crucial game coming up. So it looks like James Proche will be the #2 WR now. (Bateman to return in Week 6 via ESPN’s Hensley) Ah, here he is. Rashod Bateman, their potential game changer receiver is back from the dreaded groin injury. It will take some time to adjust but if he has the right attitude things will be easy for him.
This game is huge for both Coach Harbaugh and Wink Martindale. With 4 straight wins coming in they now face one of the hottest teams in the NFL in the Los Angeles Chargers. At 4-1 coming off a statement win against the Browns in a shootout last week, the Bolts think they are the class of the AFC. This game means plenty to the Ravens though. The last time these 2 teams met was arguably the worst game in Lamar Jackson’s career. The Chargers stormed into M&T in the 2018 Wild Card game and crushed the last remaining hope of the Ozzie Newsome era ending in a Super Bowl Title. (This was Terrell Suggs and Joe Flacco’s last home game for the Ravens too) Even more insane, was after the game while the Ravens had their team prayer the Chargers DB’s were blasting Ariana Grande on their boombox loudspeakers in the locker room. (They played Thank U NEXT for 15 straight minutes and Harbaugh wanted nothing of it) Sometimes in the NFL what goes around comes around. With Justin Herbert leading the MVP race through 5 weeks many believed that the Ravens secondary would have no answers for Keenan Allen and Mike Williams. Most of the country picked that LA would cruise to another statement win. LA Media: We are going to have an all LA Super Bowl!!! HALA!
BOOM! (Enter Sandman playing) Narrator: They didn’t put up a fight. “Murray right up the middle into the endzone! Touchdown Ravens!” In what would become a blueprint on how to stop this offense for the rest of the AFC, the Chargers were humiliated within one half of play. All optimism that the City of Angels had over the past week vanished as they witnessed what Browns fans have to suffer through on a yearly basis. The main example of this shellacking was not the Baltimore passing game like it has been the last few weeks. The Ravens proved that you don’t have to set the world on fire throwing the ball to win a game easily. Greg Roman was toying with the Chargers Front 7 all day long. Getting all 3 of his Running Backs involved as the Boys in Purple jumped out to a 17-0 lead and were clearly playing up to their potential with a butt whooping not seen since Opening Day last year. Even Le’Veon Bell got into the endzone in this game. A true victory for precious narratives about how he was washed. The West Coast Finesse team were hyped up as this media darling superpower with no signs of stopping, only to be falling under the might of the MonStars. Up 17-6 it could get worse for the Chargers, THEN CAME THE 2ND HALF! Chargers fans: STOP IT! STOP IT!! PLEASE!! I BEG YOU!!! Marylander and John Harbaugh: NO!
Narrator: The beating of Brandon Staley’s hopes and dreams and the insanity of every Marylander in a 250 mile radius continued thanks to the Chargers being knee jerk on 4th downs in their own end. The Bolts were stomped all game and were kidnapped by the 71,000 fans as well as Rise, Conquer, and Poe every time they tried moving down the field. Their ambitions of lording over the Chiefs are taking a serious turn. The Ravens sped past their opponent like Marlon Humphrey does when he rides a horse during “To the Ends of the Earth.” Little did he know that he was using that scene as a representation of this game. This time the editors didn’t have to do multiple takes of the scene. Planet LJ was riding shotgun inside Le’Veon Bell’s sports car even if he did the bare minimum to win. (The rest of the defense and running game picked him up in this game) As the laws of the Injury Bowl are upheld, the Boys in Purple enter the fastlane of the AFC as Full Marylander consumes Baltimore whole. Even the hosts of this series. All Hail the insufferable Marylanders and Bandwagon Ravens fans around the world as we crush the hopes and dreams that big market teams have. For more on this game we go to Ravens broadcaster Gerry Sandusky for a closer look at this game.
Sandusky: As you just mentioned, the Ravens defense went from being a question mark all week after their performance against the Colts, to beating up one of the top offenses in all of football. Finally we get a game at M&T Bank Stadium that isn’t a wild ride for Ravens fans and they can just relax and have all of the fun they want. Now at 5-1 the tensions of possibly the best start in franchise history are growing larger. With a win over the Bengals next week here in Baltimore, the Ravens would do something that’s never been done in the history of the franchise. Start 6-1, and what’s impressive is that they have done this despite the Opening Day loss in Vegas, the starting backfield being on IR, the defense having rough moments at times, the tendency to struggle against bad teams, and having to overcome not 1 but 2 large 4th Quarter deficits at home. This is a testament to John Harbaugh’s skills as a leader and motivator. Anyways, that was a great win for the Ravens and as I say after every win “THE HAY IS IN THE BARN!” Narrator back to you.
Narrator: Now that Captain Homerism and his postgame summary are out of the way, let’s bring in the Salty Marylander for his take on this statement.
Marylander: What Sandusky just mentioned are the key ingredients to being a legit Super Bowl Contender. You always have to have an excellent defense and ignore everything that the media has told you. They were telling us all week that Justin Herbert is the best QB in the AFC. HE HAS NOTHING ON LAMAR! You never talk trash to #8 because he will make you eat your words all day. Anyone who mentions that the Ravens are a passing team now is an understatement. This team is a BALANCED team compared to 2019, and 2020. The passing game wasn’t as good as it was in Week 5 even with Bateman back but we impose our will up front. Now to the good stuff, HEY ESPN, DON’T SAY THAT THE RAVENS CAN’T DO ANYTHING AGAINST LEGIT OFFENSES! They talked so much smack about Wink, AND YOU DON’T DO THAT TO WINK!!! Because he will silence those critics. Chuck these narratives of the Ravens are a soft team and the Browns being the AFC North favorites into the Inner Harbor immediately. The moral of the story, NEVER BLAST MUSIC IN FRONT OF OUR LOCKER ROOM AFTER A GAME! (Thank U NEXT playing) I got one more thing LA media, RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! WE’RE SO (Sensored) GRATEFUL FOR B-MORE!
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