Rams vs Seahawks: This matchup interests me. The Rams are coming off a brutal loss at home to Arizona and are facing one of the most daunting primetime destinations in the league. Seattle on the other hand is looking to regain control of NFC West supremacy. Early in this game, Russell Wilson Jr III went right to work with DK Metcalf roasting Jalen Ramsey over the top. But here is the thing that I overestimated. Matt Stafford no longer struggles against better teams. Maybe it’s a change of scenery, or maybe they are benefiting off of warm weather games early in the season but he looks good. With this being said LA stormed back for 16 unanswered points. How does this get worse for Seahawks fans? CRACK! Oh no, OH NO! I hate when any player gets injured, but when it’s the franchise QB, and especially one of Wilson’s talents, it’s a killer to any ambitions. Now with Chef Russ out for 4-8 weeks, we get Geno Smith yep this is going to bad quickly. However Smith played well for the amount of time he was in. Maybe it’s their system but he was serviceable. The bad news for Seattle is that the Rams didn’t care about Geno’s relief efforts as they held on to win by 2 scores. LA looks good so far, but their schedule is going to be hard soon. I’ll come back to this as the season goes on. Good start!
Jets vs Falcons: Oh boy the viewing audience across sea in London gets to see a typical game at Wembley Stadium regarding the NFL. TANK BOWL! (Roundball Rock playing) This game technically isn’t a tank bowl but it most likely will be classified as one as the season goes on. The Jets coming off their shocking win against the Titans last week are trying to make it 2 in a row. However they showcased why they are described by America as a walking ButtFumble to a British Audience. They made Matt Ryan look like he was in his prime again. They didn’t have Calvin Ridley and the Jets still couldn’t keep up. Atlanta gains false hope again and they still think they can make the playoffs. To the Jets this is your average Thursday. Making the same mistakes regardless of coach or GM. It won’t change unless the Johnsons are gone or they finally let their employees have some control in who they sign or draft. Tough choices indeed.
Eagles vs Panthers: Panthers can you explain what in the world that was supposed to be? Weren’t you hyped up as a playoff contender over the past few weeks. I know you got smacked by the Cowboys last week, but THIS! I know that Carolina has a 15-3 lead while barely even trying thanks to more idiocy from Nick Sirriani and the Eagles. All you need to do is not mess up and you’ll win. BOOM! Why is there a shirtless man running on the field? It’s at this moment where Philadelphia unlocks their talents and abilities. In what can be described as vintage Philly they got bailed out by High End Talent by scoring 18 straight points thanks to special teams and Jalen Hurts. The Eagles once again give their fans false hope before their showdown with the Buccaneers. I see that the Panthers went to the Steelers School of playing down to their competition. Mike Tomlin would be laughing in delight since he isn’t being outclassed by weaker opponents. COUNT ON IT SUCKERS!
Packers vs Bengals: THE BUNGLES! All of a sudden they have been given the insufferable powers that have been developed from Cleveland. This is their chance to prove that they are back. Against a Super Bowl Contender in the Packers, Cincinnati jumps out to an early 7-0 lead only for the Green Bay offense to come right back. (Don’t show Mason Crosby hitting the uprights) Even worse for Bengals fans Joe Burrow got absolutely crushed and had to leave the game for a few minutes. Aaron Rodgers and his crew takes advantage of this and extends their lead to 9. But as soon as the Tiger King retakes the field, this now becomes a game. (Packers what kind of effort is this trying to rush the passer on the long TD to JaMarr Chase) In a short amount of time this game went from blowout to bizarre. This is where we get to a skit that we call WHO WANTS TO WIN THE GAME!? Let’s start with Mason Crosby trying to give Green Bay the lead late in the 4th only for that kick to miss left. Now the Bungles are going to win this aren’t they? They quickly get into field goal range. Then Evan McPherson tries to end the game only to hit the uprights on the right side. If there is one thing you don’t do, it’s give Mr Discount Double Check a chance at winning the game. It’s a laugher in a half as Mason Crosby lines up to end the game and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PAUSE.
More drama everyone! Early in overtime Joe Burrow gives the Packers a golden chance only for Crosby to miss again! Enter JaMarr Chase who makes 2 clutch catches to get Cincy in field goal range. Looks like the Bengals are now contenders with this win as HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (The most Cincinnati thing possible) PAUSE.
Don’t worry Green Bay you are about to be bailed out by Rodgers for roughly the 58th time in his career. They get into field goal range again and now Crosby has to atone for his early misses. “Crosby’s kick is up, GAME OVER!” (Tom Grossi never got to see the ending because the local game in New York changed from this to the Giants before the kick was attempted) The Bungles once again Bungle. A statement wins in the balance only to copy the Vikings. Don’t worry Cincy you play the Lions next week. If you lose you are for sure losing the next week.
Titans vs Jaguars: It appears that the Titans need to beat up a soft team following their embarrassment to the Jets last week. How about their little brothers from Jacksonville. This game was close for 2 quarters because the Jaguars finally effectively used James Robinson. In the 2nd Half the Jags got outcoached big time by Mike Vrabel. But to be honest has this unit ever had an answer for Derrick Henry? He has ran roughshod over #Sacksonville for years. This game was no different. As King Henry XXII did his usual thing with the return of AJ Brown the Titans finally stopped the bleeding. Next week I’d be careful. Playing the Bills is a daunting challenge for anyone. As for Jacksonville they have now lost 20 consecutive games. 7 short of the NFL Record set by the Expansion Buccaneers of 1976-77. If this team can break the record it would be the funniest thing ever.
Patriots vs Texans: What is going on with the New England Patriots in this game? Look I get that they are playing a former Ravens assistant who knows them very well but how are they getting destroyed this early in the game. They made Chris Moore look like the receiver he was supposed to be in Baltimore in 2018. The Patriots were down by 13 midway through the 3rd Quarter. And they aren’t done 13 against a contender, they are behind by this much against a team that was crushed 40-0 last week by one of New England’s arch rivals. Is it me or why can’t Bill Belichick adapt to the modern NFL? BOOM! But then the fans in Houston had to suffer the same fate that Chargers fans did in 2001 against a 1-3 Patriots team with a new QB. Mac Jones, just like Brady did in that Week 5 game 20 years ago, leads a furious comeback and before you know it the game is tied. Shortly afterwards New England gets into field goal range so Nick Folk can redeem himself for last week. “Folks kick is headed towards the uprights and it is GOOD!” That may have saved the Patriots playoff hopes, knowing the karma of this league this is the beginning of a turnaround in Foxboro. And oh by the way those fans finally got their revenge on Tampa Bay taking Tom Brady from them. It was in the form of the Red Sox beating the Rays in the ALDS. Good stuff BeanTown!
Broncos vs Steelers: Sometimes teams that are worse than their record struggle against teams that are better than their record. This game is no different. The Broncos took a page out of their opponents playbook and played down to their competition. They made Big Ben look like he was back in 2014. Looks like getting destroyed by Baltimore last week brought Denver back to reality. Just like in 2018, they got off to a fast start against weak opponents only to crumble to real teams. But even then the Steelers can’t make it easy on themselves. Denver has scored 13 straight points and now trails by 7. Even worse for the YinzerMob the Broncos are driving down the field again. Pittsburgh has stopped them for now but all it comes down to is a 4th Down. “Bridgewater, tries to throw it into the endzone and it’s PICKED OFF! And the Steelers hang on!” That is a huge win for Pittsburgh. They may have potentially saved their season with this win. Although it does come at a cost. CRACK! That cost is JuJu Smith Schuster. (No more Corvette Corvette for you sir) Out for the rest of the season with an elbow injury. At least you have Claypool and Diante Johnson I guess.
Lions vs Vikings: Have you ever seen a game that has 2 teams that should be much better than they are in terms of their records? That was this game. Minnesota should be at least 3-1, and the Lions despite their 0-4 record have lost to 4 playoff teams in the process. Early in this game the Vikings were playing down to competition yet again. Even if Dalvin Cook is injured yet again, that offense is stone cold. Why did this organization think that Kirk Cousins was the savior when they signed him in 2018? He has been uninspiring thanks to being utter trash or because Minnesota STILL doesn’t have an Offensive Line. Even with his struggles the Vikings have a 16-6 lead even if they can’t put the game away. Jared Goff has done nothing against the Skolkings today! They haven’t scored a touchdown and they are one 1st Down away from losing their 5th in a row as “He fumbles the ball! AND IT’S PICKED UP BY DETROIT!” Yep, the Vikings are going to lose again! The Lions quickly take advantage and tie the game up. But Dan Campbell wants a win and decides to go for 2. “Goff fires to the back of the endzone, and it is CAUGHT AND THE LIONS HAVE THE LEAD!” Oh my goodness Detroit is going to win this, THERE IS NOTHING KIRK COUSINS CAN DO TO WIN THIS GAME! BOOM! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! And yes the Vikings once again have to be bailed out by High End Talent. They get into field goal range as Greg Joseph buries Detroit yet again! LIONS GONNA LION! (It’s weird not using that quote on Minnesota) Bobby Layne still lords over Lions fans and he shall continue this bounty for an eternity. Poor Ninja, he deserves to root for a real team not this organization.
Dolphins vs Buccaneers: FLORIDAMAN! THE GAME! Coming soon to the airwaves outside the Sunshine State. During pregame warmups Tony Romo explained how he thought Miami was going to keep it close with the defending champs. It was because Brian Flores knows Brady well from his time in New England. There is one problem for both of them. TB12 looks better than ever! Even without Gronk for the 2nd week in a row, Tom Brady torched the Dolphins defense for 5 TDs and a near perfect passer rating. Plus not only that, it appears as if Antonio Brown is also back in his prime. Ever since he began playing with Brady, AB has rarely had any bad things come up. That’s what great leadership can do for a player. How is this going to get worse for Miami? CRACK! Jacoby Brissett got injured and had problems playing hurt. Dolphins there’s a certain QB in Houston on the market, I think he’s right up your alley. If they trade for Watson they will have gone from the most draft capital in the NFL to none at all in one year. (They may have the 49ers #1 pick next year, but their original pick is in the hands of the Eagles)
Saints vs Hogs: Is it me or do the Saints have to live up to every stereotype surrounding them this season. They look good one game, then stink, then look good again, and then play down to their competition. In today’s game in Washington, Jameis Winston overcame an early interception and played another flawless game of football. Even as Taylor Heinicke did well in the 1st Half like almost every week that he has started, 1 play changed the momentum of the game, that happened to be a last second Hail Mary by the Saints to end the 1st Half. From that point on, the Hogs had no answers for New Orleans secondary, and WhoDat Nation was on cruise control in the 4th Quarter. I don’t know how good the Saints really are? They’re a 2nd Half team considering how they played in the latter weeks of the season in years past but will that be shown? Who knows. Washington you guys have more turmoil coming out of your organization which I will discuss later on.
Browns vs Chargers: The 2 biggest media darlings in the NFL Head 2 Head in front of a SoFi crowd with even more Charger fans than their last game against the Raiders. (Making progress) And even more fascinating is that we saw LeBron James in attendance too. He plus the rest of the sports world got to see a showcase between 2 teams with no defense. While Justin Herbert is looking like Dan Fouts in his prime, the 2 headed monster of Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt are crushing the Bolts run defense. Even if Cleveland has a 14 point lead, the Chargers and their analytical wonders got back in the game and have a 1 point lead. But Baker Mayfield has massive chips on his shoulder. He uses it to his advantage as he throws a strike to David Njoku. But the Chargers responded with a touchdown of their own. But then the LA defense can’t contain the Browns short passes and screens as they retake the lead again. Herbert, you know what to do? Prevent the Dawg Pound from thinking they are Super Bowl Contenders. Scoring a quick TD that’s good now make the extra point. YOU DIDN’T! The good news for Bolts fans is that the defense finally made a stop and got the ball back. The Browns defense was so anxious for Baker to lead a game winning drive that they let the Chargers score. However Cleveland can’t respond and LA wins. I know Browns fans are blaming the officials but you know how to avoid that. Not giving up 160 yards to Mike Williams. As for the Chargers they look legit, after facing 1 AFC North power, they face the other next week. That game should be a spectacle!
Bears vs Raiders: Raiders Welcome Back to Reality! It involves losing at home to a team that you should beat on paper. And it’s not because of the defense, they did a good job. The real problem is what in the world happened to the Vegas offense. I get that the Bears defense is one of the best in football but how can a unit with this much potential just stall out. This was Khalil Mack’s revenge game. And boy did he beat up his old QB. Derek Carr has gone from MVP candidate back to being a forgotten gunslinger. It didn’t end there, the grandstands at Allegiant Stadium were swarmed by Da Bears fans. This is what happens when you believe the hype surrounding the Raiders, they will alway tease you only to lose to teams they should beat. Looks like their win against Baltimore is looking more like a fluke as the season goes on. How can this get worse for RaiderNation?
Sidenote: Jon Gruden getting his hands caught in the cookie jar for racist comments on the NFLPA Union Chief that occurred 10 years ago in the midst of the Lockout that summer. What he said is very inappropriate and when something like this occurs it kills an organization. The Raiders in particular have been down this road. This incident is the successor to Marcus Allen hexing Al Davis in 1993. Plus they had to deal with Antonio Brown being a nuisance on and off the field. (And not being able to control JaMarcus Russell) And not to mention this summer Carl Nassib announced on social media that he was gay. What I find even more ridiculous. The architects of this when it first happened were Daniel Snyder and Bruce Allen of the then-known Washington Redskins. (They are the Hogs now in my book) Because Allen was the GM of the Buccaneers team that Gruden had coached to a Super Bowl XXXVII win against the Raiders. The emails that weren’t posted until now were between the 2 men and Snyder himself was probably involved in this too. (I could be lying but knowing Washington they would do an action like this) You know what I find interesting? The Raiders only brought him back to relive the glory years of 2000-02 in the first place. (They did this with Art Shell too in 2006) Each of those years they lost to the eventual Super Bowl Champion in the playoffs. This is the kind of action you don’t recover from. And considering how the Chargers are surging and Kansas City on paper is better than them. It could be a rough road for Las Vegas this year.
49ers vs Cardinals: 9ers fans you wanted to see Trey Lance well here he is! Too bad you have to play the unbeaten Cardinals in the desert. They may not have performed as well as they have on offense the last few weeks but that defense of theirs looks pure fire. The 9er Gang couldn’t score until the 3rd Quarter. Even worse, CRACK! Trey Lance got knocked out of the game! To be honest even if he was healthy they would have lost anyway. Arizona, that was an impressive defensive performance but we need to talk. I know you guys are 5-0 but how much of your success is due to benefiting from the early season warm weather or are you just that good? I know people are saying Kyler Murray is leading the MVP race but how much of it is due to DeAndre Hopkins and the rest of the AirRaid offense. Rarely do 1 dimensional offenses succeed in cold weather down the stretch. Next week you get Cleveland, if you win that game it should be a huge bonus.
Giants vs Cowboys: HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS! This is the most optimistic they have been about their on field production since 2016. Yes they played the Giants and they are total mediocrity but Dallas looks legit so far. Looks like Dak Prescott was the engine that makes this team go. When he’s healthy that offense is deadly. The stat I find important with this team is that whenever Zeke is on his game, they are almost unstoppable on offense. Even their defense looks good. Micah Parsons and Trevon Diggs are the game changers they have lacked since Darren Woodson, and DeMarcus Ware. (I will throw DeMarcus Lawrence in there once he comes back) They have outplayed everyone in their paths so far and it has shown. Mike McCarthy being bailed out by High End Talent. It’s like he never left Green Bay at all. As for the Giants I have bad news. CRACK! Saquan Barkley, and Kenny Golladay are out for a while and Daniel Jones got hurt too. Those players deserve to be on real teams not with a bad Offensive Line like the one the G-Men have. Giants I’d get used to the sound of tanks in the next few months if I were you. (Should have come to the Ravens Kenny!)
Bills vs Chiefs: A game that perfectly matches the weather conditions at this game for Chiefs fans. Wet, uninspiring, overconfident, and never ending. I’m starting to believe that Kansas City is falling into the same traps that their former neighbors in the Rams did when they were the Greatest Show on Turf. Once opposing teams have film on how to stop an offense like this, it causes great levels of concern around the team. Plus what do both of those teams have in common. A defense that was ranked in the bottom 10 in points allowed. In this game Josh Allen carved them up with his arm and his legs. On the other side, Leslie Frazier’s defense absolutely KO’d “The Patrick Price” and the Legend of Zoom. 20 points scored, tied for their lowest in a regular season game in the Mahomes era. The Bills so far have been the best team in the AFC. Had they not lost to Pittsburgh they would be on pace to be the Greatest Team of All Time. This indeed is the revival of the K-Gun teams, a No Huddle Offense, and a physical defense. Just what BillsMafia enjoys on a daily basis besides jumping on tables.
Sidenote: Chiefs don’t think we’re done talking about you guys yet. Remember when Brittany Matthews criticized the media for ripping her husband Patrick Mahomes after the Super Bowl last year? IT HAPPENED AGAIN! This time she took her fury out at Chiefs fans on Twitter and said that the refs are never in our favor. And she told another fan on Twitter to shut up and listen to her claim. (As a Ravens fan I feel your pain because we have the same issues when it comes to REFBALL) I get it Brittany, you want to be loyal to your true love but the Chiefs have bigger issues than blaming the officials. So far the O-Line looks suspect, the secondary is burnt toast, and you guys are in danger of losing your status as the Super Bowl Favorite. And one of their superfans got knocked out cold at the game. And that’s not getting into the fact that Mahomes’ brother is a TikTok sensation that does his social media routines before, during, and after Chiefs games. (He chucked a bottle of water at a Ravens fan at the end of that Week 2 epic, in fact he was sitting just above where my grandparents have their season tickets) Kansas City, it might be one of those years for you. You just can’t act like perfectionists when things don’t go your way.
Colts vs Ravens: Groundhog Day! That’s all I’m going to say. How many times is this team going to torture their fans only to pull off a miracle. This is what it’s like to be a Ravens fan. We couldn’t have it any better! (A sentence that sums up the Charm City Beasts episode this week)
FOOTBALL FOLLIES: Come everyone, and witness the World of FOOTBALL FOLLIES! The winners this week are NFL Kickers (Except Justin Tucker and Greg Joseph), in particular Rodrigo Blankenship, Mason Crosby, and Evan McPherson. This week we had a combined total of 13 extra points which is a new record! Plus 3 Kickers missed their chance at glory. (Or regained it) Starting with Evan McPherson of the Cincinnati Bengals. He had a chance to beat those Cheeseheads at the end of regulation, only to hit the right uprights. He would have another chance in overtime but he tried to copy Justin Tucker in 2012 ONLY FOR THE OFFICIALS TO CALL IT NO GOOD! (There are no replacement refs here buddy) 2nd we have Mason Crosby who had a chance to give the Packers the lead in the same game against the Bungles. He missed it a tad left. Following McPherson’s 1st miss, he had a chance to beat the buzzer in regulation. He missed it to the left again! Is there a 3rd missed kick on the day? YES! He missed it wide left again in OT. But right after McPherson missed his 2nd field goal, Crosby saved his legacy by kicking a 49 yarder to win it for the Pack. Finally we get to the Kicking Nerd known as Rodrigo Blankenship. Against the Ravens he was questionable to play thanks to a bad hip yet tried to toughen himself out in this game. Following the Colts 2nd TD he missed the PAT to the left. But it’s ok he has a chance to put the game away with 4.5 minutes to go, BLOCKED! But it will be different, he has a chance to give the Colts a statement win that will most likely save their season. What happens? (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) He missed AGAIN! And even worse the Ravens win the game in overtime. Kids, I have one lesson for you. Model your game around Justin Tucker. Always have that killer instinct that makes you feel like you can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. It will make things in life much easier.
Bragging Rights Sports 