January 12, 2013. “The Ravens need help from above, they are out of timeouts, the clock is running, the Ravens have to snap it quickly from the gun. Denver rushes 3, Flacco steps up, throws deep, far sideline Jacoby Jones, HAS IT AT THE 20! JACOBY JONES! TOUCHDOWN RAVENS!!! NO FLAGS ON THE PLAY! AND THE MIRACLE IS ANSWERED! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE UP HOPE!” Ah the memories! Everytime I watch that play I get the chills, it’s like your first love, something you will never forget. Hopefully we can create another epic moment in the Mile High City this weekend!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Justin Tucker, Rashod Bateman, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Calais Campbell, Derek Wolfe, Jimmy Smith, Marlon Humphrey, with John Harbaugh, and Eric DeCosta. Guest Appearances by the Salty “Marylander”, Spongebob Voiceover, and Brandon Perna of Thats Good Sports
Season 2 Episode 4: Rocky Mountain Mayhem
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: The time has come, Execute Order 66! That is what Justin Tucker did last week. Since his record setting game winning field goal it has been the talk of Maryland and NFL Network all week. (ESPN is too focused on the Lakers and Nets plus the Browns and Bengals) Tucker was asked about it after the game and he said a phrase that would make Olivia Rodrigo herself proud. He called it Deja Vu all over again. If any of you don’t know this he already kicked a 61 yarder in 2013 at Ford Field to beat the Lions. (That was a Monday Night epic which didn’t mean a thing because 41-7 New England, and Taylor Mays happened in the next 2 games) He even said he would potentially buy a house in the Motor City once he retires. I bet Sam Koch, Nick Moore, and Morgan Cox will join him too. Now to the main storyline. The media claimed the Ravens won thanks to a delay of game penalty that wasn’t called. All of the Marylanders disagreed with Fox and ESPN and according to Harbaugh and the Ravens reporter Jamison Hensley the game clock inside Ford Field was a few seconds slower than on CBS. Action Jackson as expected didn’t say a word about this scenario. But what he did say was that we need our receivers to focus on making key plays all the time despite the dropped passes as of late. His good buddy Hollywood agreed with him. Marquise Brown, for as much as everyone roasted him last week said on Friday that I’m going to make sure that when the ball comes my way I will do everything I can to catch the ball. He took a page out of his cousin’s playbook right there. (AB is just like that whether it was in Pittsburgh or Tampa Bay) As for AB’s ex teammate Le’Veon Bell he is super eager to get on the field and make an impact. He claimed on Twitter that whenever I get the chance to start, I will play to the best of my abilities. He will get a chance to play since TySon Williams is out due to injury. Speaking of the IR list it will be reduced. Miles Boykin and Rashod Bateman have officially come off the injured list but won’t be able to make their debut until next week against the Colts. The only issue is that Ronnie Stanley and Derek Wolfe went on IR for the next few weeks. Thus leads us to another clash between ESPN and John Harbaugh. This time Dan Orlovsky claims that the drops last week were Lamar’s fault not the receivers. Harbaugh in the aftermath of that phrase said that Jackson is putting the ball in the right place, it’s just we need our wideouts to make plays. A forward thinking coach in my opinion in every sense of the word.
This week is pivotal for the Ravens, after 2 last second wins against the Chiefs and Lions they now face an undefeated team that will test them in every way possible. The Denver Broncos, a team that is off to a 3-0 start with wins over perhaps the 3 worst teams in football. Baltimore hasn’t won a regular season game at Empower Field since 2001 and the last 2 times they played there in the regular season were the only 2 times before this season that John Harbaugh was beaten on Opening Day. (They did beat Denver in the 2012, and 2014 on the road but in the playoffs) If there is any motivation that this team needs it was from Colin Cowherd. Due to Lamar Jackson being questionable thanks to a bad back he said that the Broncos would not only win but in a blow out. Early on it was a defensive battle. Teddy Bridgewater was no match for the Ravens front 7 and despite completing a bunch of short passes, the Boys in Purple responded with a clutch stop. On the other side, Denver’s defense took the vaunted run game of LJ, Latavius Murray, and Le’Veon Bell. With Action Jackson still trying to figure out the Broncos secondary the game was scoreless after the 1st Quarter. The 2nd Quarter began with the only scoring drive the Broncos had all day. Led by an angry run by Javonte Williams (Thank the bad tackling from the front 7 for that run) the Broncos marched down the field for the opening touchdown. The Ravens though would unleash a massive counterattack. LJ would utilize James Proche (Pony Up) and Mark Andrews as Baltimore drove all the way for the tying score. So far a good start but Denver has a potent offense that can strike for huge plays too, in this case the only big plays on the next possession were by the Ravens defense. In particular Tyus Bowser ran “Teddy Holywater” into the ground. (We’ll get to Perna in a little bit) Then, Hollywood Brown wanted to show off his high catch radius, and he did so thanks to a 50 yard bomb from Jackson on a deep post. (Where is the additional roughing the passer call on that play?) The defense thought they would beat up Bridgewater some more, CRACK! LITERALLY! Odafe Oweh basically KO’ing Lamar’s predecessor at Louisville, now the Broncos have to go to the bullpen and bring in Drew Lock.
With Lock now in the game Wink Martindale’s game plan was simple, stop the run and force Lock to beat you with the deep ball. They cracked Denver’s game plan completely! The Ravens shut down the running of Melvin Gordon throughout the 2nd Half, just like they did when he was with the Chargers. Even if the offense didn’t score another touchdown for the rest of the game either because of REFBALL or the inability to run the ball as effectively as they normally would, Lamar Jackson went over 300 yards passing thanks to Hollywood and Proche having excellent games. At the end of the game the Broncos were trying to score a touchdown for team pride and fantasy points. They got down to the Baltimore goalline and seemed destined for a late game score, BOOM! “Intercepted in the endzone by Anthony Averett!” Now the game is out of reach but there is one more thing left to do, Marylander: We haven’t rushed for 100 yards yet! Narrator: Oh right lets tie the NFL Record with the 1970s Steelers! “Jackson will run to the right and he will slow down and stop for a gain of 5 yards, and the Baltimore Ravens have tied the NFL Record with 43 consecutive games of 100+ yards rushing.” (Alarm Siren) Marylander: Um, I think we woke up a former Harbaugh assistant. PAUSE.
Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the latest round of breaking the unwritten rules. Broncos Coach Vic Fangio is arguing that the Ravens final play was disrespectful to his team. In Boy Wonder Johnny Harbaugh’s words they gave us the ball back with enough time to tie that record and we would still go for it regardless of who we play. If you know the history of these 2 teams the Broncos ran up the score in Week 1 of 2013 when Peyton Manning threw for 7 TDs in a game that Ravens fans call the “Peter Angelos Game.” Every Ravens fan including myself was angry at the Broncos for running up the score. (This was Denver’s 1st game since the Mile High Miracle) This play was payback for that incident. With this bounty Fangio earns the honor of the WEEKLY FOOTBALL FOLLIES! For an out of town reaction to this game and the salt from one of Harbaugh and Roman’s old buddies, we are now joined by Denver Superfan Brandon Perna of That’s Good Sports. Perna take it away!
Brandon Perna: Welcome to That’s Good Sports. I’m Brandon “the only team that can beat the Broncos is the Broncos” Perna. “Kinda BEEP!” (That’s what Fangio said in the Monday Press Conference) So the Broncos technically lost to a 3-0 team, THEMSELVES! “Kinda BEEP!” (No they lost to a real team that’s all it is) That’s true. Also true, the Ravens are the best team I’ve ever seen on a football field anywhere. I swear to god, if their pocket passing QB ever decides to run, they could have a real dual threat quarterback behind center. I know you don’t want me to, but I am recapping this Broncos 23-7 loss to the Super Bowl Champion Ravens. (Marylander: WE’VE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPA BOWL!) Shout out 2001 and 2013. (We beat Denver both years in the playoffs)
Spongebob: A FEW MOMENTS LATER!
Perna: Apparently, the Broncos were angry on the final play of the game, when the Ravens ran the ball instead of taking a knee so they could keep their 100 YPG Rushing Streak alive. This was the Broncos sideline after it happened “BEEP!” You could drop like 10 more F-Bombs and a
“BEEP!” here Vic. “Kinda BEEP!” And it wouldn’t compare to how we fans felt watching the Offense on Sunday.
Spongebob: 12 SECONDS LATER!
Perna: During the game Teddy Bridgewater inexplicably changed his gloves. He went from white to orange, that turned out to be a massive mistake. Teddy Roosevelt doesn’t worry about those things Teddy. That’s Teddy 2 Gloves, That’s a Teddy 2 Gloves Issue you don’t need to be dealing with! Before the Orange Gloves, 0 concussions, after the Orange Gloves, 1 CONCUSSION! (And Odafe crushed him hard) Which Gloves are better Teddy? Which Gloves are better? Unless, unless this hit that Teddy took after Albert O dropped that Damn “BEEP!” Damn “BEEP BOP!” Pass that actually gave Teddy the concussion early in the game.
Spongebob: 2 HOURS LATER!
Perna: The Broncos simply forgot to throw the ball to Tim Patrick, or run the ball with Javonte Williams! If the Falcons can get Cordarrelle Patterson in the endzone 3 times you can do that with Tim Patrick. Jeudy out, Hamler out, Spencer out. What the “BEEP!” does Tim Patrick have to do to get 10 targets in a game Shurmur!? (Well anytime you have Jimmy Smith guarding a TE it’s a done deal) If you stop running the ball it better be because you’re scoring touchdowns with Timmy Patrick! He had 3 receptions for 39 yards and I’m pretty sure they all came on the 1st 2 series’. Action Jackson had double the passing yards which Teddy would have been close to as well if ALBERT O DOESN’T DROP THIS PASS! Thanks for watching That’s Good Sports Broncos recap, the best and worst of NFL Sunday where I talk about all of the games that’s on YouTube right now. (Link to his channel is in the description at the bottom of this doc if you want to subscribe or check it out)
Narrator: That Salt from one of the best NFL YouTuber’s in the country is unreal. That rant is why I think we need the Marylander’s take on this circus of events that Brandon Perna just described.
Marylander: I’ve never seen an unbeaten team look so unprepared since we played the Steelers with our C team last year. One of these days the media needs to shut up about the narrative of Lamar Jackson being a RB or WR. He can sling with the best of them when he has to, and that’s even with the ground game being as shaky as it was today. Plus getting all those guys back on defense was a major boom because we just held the most accurate QB in the NFL this season to 7 points. WHO CARES IF HE GOT CONCUSSED! Bridgewater still would have struggled against this pass rush! Hollywood Brown is no longer in the doghouse and James Proche is finally being used as a primary weapon thanks to his rock solid hands. Also how many Roughing the Passer calls did they miss on Lamar in this game. I swear they treat every QB differently except for Lamar. They did this with Joe Flacco too in the early Harbaugh years! Anyways we just took all of those horses down to the Preakness track so we could see if they could catch actual Ravens. The result is that each one of those birds got away. (A perfect representation of the game itself) Speaking of horses, those ROTTEN COLTS ARE COMING TO TOWN NEXT WEEK! Say it for me Gerry! (Gerry Sandusky from Outside the Lines 1-12-07): “Earlier in the show, you used the phrase the Colts are coming back home, they’re not coming back home! THIS IS THE HOME OF THE BALTIMORE COLTS! It was never the home of the Indianapolis Colts, this is sacred ground for names like John Unitas, for names like John Mackey, from my dad John Sandusky, and for all of the people who were part of that Baltimore Colt organization. And the biggest emotion we have when the Colts come to Baltimore, is that the Baltimore Colts and all the great men who were part of that organization don’t have a final resting place.” You hear that, this sounds like another Mayflower Bowl is coming soon. Anyways RAVENS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: 3-1 and near the top of the AFC playoff race. Great start but we need to get better. Charm City Beasts will return next week for the ultimate Baltimore Grudgematch. (It’s like the Battle for Miss Teenage Hairspray in the 2007 Film Hairspray when it comes to the Colts and Ravens rivalry and the impact that those teams had or has on that city)
Link to That’s Good Sports: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCew5br5cO1ZKO7Z_F1WA8Bg
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