Ray Lewis: “THE MOMENT IS HERE! WE HAVE BEEN HERE 3 YEARS IN A ROW! AND WE LET THIS TEAM OFF THE HOOK! MAKE SURE SOMETHING TONIGHT THAT WILL TAKE YOU FROM THIS MOMENT MAN! CUZ ITS ALL WE GOT! THAT’S WHAT Y’ALL DON’T REALIZE MOST OF THE TIME, WE DON’T GET THIS AGAIN! WE DON’T GET THIS AGAIN THE CLOCK RUNS TO FAST! THAT’S WHY WE GOT SAVOR THESE MOMENTS, CUZ THEY BRIGHTEN OUT! I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN I WAS 24 OR 25! THAT’S WHY GOD HAD TO CONSECRATE ME SO I COULD SEE HOW GREAT MY BLESSING WAS THAT HE HAD FOR ME! SO I HAD TO GO FROM A JAIL CELL TO BE IN POSITION. AND THEN STEP ON THE SUPER BOWL PODIUM MAN! I DON’T DO THIS FOR ME! I JUST WATCH ENOUGH FILM TO MAKE MYSELF IN POSITION TO MAKE SURE MY DEFENSE IS THE BEST DEFENSE IN DAMN FOOTBALL! THAT’S WHY I COME BACK! WE ARE NOT LETTING THIS TEAM GET OUT OF HERE THIS TIME! THAT’S WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR A W! When we get off that bus tomorrow we walk up there with a swagger, and we’re here for one thing, a W!”
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Ty’Son Williams, Marquise Brown, Mark Andrews, Alejandro Villanueva, Patrick Queen, Odafe Oweh, Marlon Humphrey, John Harbaugh, Tee Martin, Don Martindale, with Greg Roman, and Eric DeCosta. Guest appearances by the “Salty Marylander” and KC Wolf.
Season 2 Episode 2: ALL NARRATIVES SHALL BE SHED!
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: Every Marylander is under a massive concern surrounding the Ravens. Following a game where they easily should have won there are plenty of questions based on the health of this once heavy contender. John Harbaugh told the media that we aren’t going to focus on the defeat because if we do it will distract us from what we want to accomplish. He states that we have to improve discipline on defense especially against teams with speed. Wink Martindale heard him clear and stated that he will not dial up as many blitzes as he did last week in the coming future. (It will be tough since they have problems getting to the QB but if he still calls all-out blitzes it could be Gonzo Time for him) Following another disastrous performance from the Baltimore Offensive Line, Action Jackson is trying to not back down against his once trusted protectors. He stated that it’s a hard job if you are under pressure on almost every play, sometimes it happens and when it does you need to prepare for it. If anyone was given blame for the loss in Vegas by the Maryland faithful it was the Army Ranger. Villanueva was getting cooked all night by Maxx Crosby and in a 1-1 meeting with Jamison Hensley he stated that I can’t worry about plays that happened in the past, I just need to stop telling myself that I can’t do this. I have a lot to prove and it will just take time. Even worse for the offensive line is that Tyre Phillips, their promising LG is out for a while via an ankle injury. Hopefully nothing else happens with that unit, CRACK! Marylander: HOLY GOOD GRACIOUS FOOTBALL GODS! STOP WITH ALL THE INJURIES FOR ABOUT A WEEK! Ronnie Stanley is potentially out AGAIN! It’s only a matter of time until LJ gets Drew Bledsoed. Hasn’t this team suffered enough? (This is payback from the Gods for 1995 isn’t it) Narrator: Yes they have but don’t let all this ruin your hopes early. Marylander: Ok, sounds good.
Narrator: (Tomahawk Chop playing) This upcoming matchup screams a similar scenario to what Boy Wonder and his staff had to deal with during the 2011 season. (More on that story shortly) Not only is their Super Bowl Contender status at stake they now face their boogeyman who knows their coaching staff like a book. KANSAS CITY! The salt from the last 3 years is fresh on everyone’s mind. 3 games the Ravens easily could have won erased thanks to Patrick Mahomes and his houdini type skills. (Plus Derek Wolfe and his 2 roughing the passer hits in last year’s game) We now bring the Marylander back in for a history lesson, give us your thoughts. Marylander: This isn’t the 1st time in the Harbaugh Era that the Ravens have been an afterthought by the media following a loss against a team that is below their talent level. In 2011 they lost a Monday Night game in Week 8 to a 1-5 Jaguars team with Blaine Gabbert as Jacksonville’s QB on a last minute touchdown following a facemask call on Bernard Pollard. (YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT) The media was crucifying Joe Flacco and Cam Cameron all week for only gaining 200 yards against one of the worst defenses in football. And even worse they had a short week before heading into Heinz Field the following Sunday Night. At that time the Ravens were 0-8 against Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh all time dating back to the Billick Era. That week Johnny decided to play Renegade each of the 5 days leading up to that game. What happens the Ravens shock the football world by beating the Steelers on a last second TD via Torrey Smith. Who knows maybe the same thing occurs here (Wolf Howling) What’s that noise? Narrator: I don’t know? Why don’t we go looking for it? Marylander: It’s this way. Ah the Kansas City Wolf! What are you doing here? Wolf: (Howling translation) Well I heard that you guys are planning for a massive atmosphere at the NFL’s most daunting night game destination to welcome your fans back, and we’re here to spoil your party. Marylander: OH YOU’VE DONE IT NOW! WE’RE GONNA KNOCK YOU OFF THE SAME WAY WE DID TO THE STILLERS IN 2011! Narrator: All right you 2, save that for later in the show. Rivals: Fine, what evs. (Howling)
In the beginning it was very similar to the games of the past 3 years. The Ravens offense got sloppy early on as Action Jackson gave the Honey Badger a Pick6 and a 7-0 lead on the first series of the game. (Thank Sammy Watkins for tripping on that play) Then unlike most years whenever Baltimore has had to play the Chiefs they stuck to their gameplan. They pounded the ball against the vaunted KC Defensive Line and quickly got into the endzone to tie the game. On that play Ty’Son Williams fumbled but luckily Devin Duvernay was there to rescue it. So far a good start but the Chiefs will be relentless in their quick strike attack. Example: a long bomb to DeMarcus Robinson exposing a zone package. (Marlo rarely gets burned on that play) This has been Kansas City’s formula, if you focus on 1 man it opens everything else up. The Ravens are trying to respond, they need to make their Alumni proud. Look at how the offensive line got called for illegal formation near the Chiefs 30 yard line. The Army Ranger should have been in the right spot, not Roman’s fault. Making up for that glitch, Action Jackson leads his mates to another interception. This was due to the O-Line being unable to block Chris Jones for the only time in the game. However the Ravens responded quickly as they went right down the field following a Kansas City punt for the tying score. But like most times over the last few years the Chiefs always take the lead right back thanks to efficient passing and speed. Luckily for the 71,000 fans at M&T Bank Stadium the Ravens would try and match them point for point. Even as Justin Tucker kicked a field goal thanks to Lamar getting them down the field before halftime there is hope in Charm City. Marylander: WE NEED TO END THIS NOW! Narrator: The Ravens can do this! They are playing with a fire they lacked last week in Vegas. This optimism is short lived as the KC Wild West Variety Show stormed down the field and scored on a drag route over the middle to Bryon Pringle. The only way for the Ravens to keep up with the Chiefs passing attack is by making big plays of their own. Think of a jump pass from Lamar to Hollywood as the Jet beats the last line of defenders to cut the lead to 4. (Lamar copied Mahomes from 2 years ago WHAT A SHOCKER!) But just when you think the Ravens will finally catch up Kansas City pulls off a highlight play. Marylander: SERIOUSLY HOW IN THE WORLD CAN NOBODY ON THIS DEFENSE MAKE A TACKLE ON TRAVIS KELCE!? How much draft capital and money have we used on defensive players? CAN WE SOMEHOW NOT ALLOW THEM TO BREAK OFF BIG PLAYS! I know we are dealing with injuries but DEAR GOD WE HAVE GOT TO FIX THIS QUICKLY! PAUSE.
Narrator: Oh great the Ravens can’t cover Kelce and are going to lose to the Chiefs again, something needs to happen so that this ship cannot be sunk. “Mahomes rolling towards the middle, he gets hit as he throws it, and it’s Picked Off by Tavon Young!” Ok a little bit of breathing room but hey there’s still a chance. Now there’s more than a chance that the Ravens can come back because Lamar and his crew quickly capitalized and made it a 5 point game even if they tried going for 2 from the 7 following a penalty. Now it’s up to the defense to make another key play, did Patrick Mahomes just miss on a 3rd Down pass, in what way was that possible in this game. Can they? I don’t know, it’s just a matter of time before KC wakes up. For now Baltimore has seized the momentum. They once again destroy the Chiefs D-Line up front and they make it to the doorsteps of the endzone. All Lamar has to do is score and the Ravens finally would have the lead. “Jackson on a read option, goes to the right and is UNTOUCHED and the Ravens are in the lead!” Did the Ravens just take a 4th Quarter lead? What world are we living in? Did the Ravens just erase an 11 point 4th Quarter deficit? Do I dare believe, or will they break my heart again? Wait hold on, yes they will because this is Kansas City and they will pull out a win out of their bazookas like in 2018 just watch. All they need to do is kick a field goal and end it. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) “They give it to Edwards Helaire and he LOSES THE FOOTBALL! WHO HAS IT? BALTIMORE! THE CHIEFS WON’T EVEN GET A FIELD GOAL!” Odafe Oweh sheds through the guy they traded away for him and makes the play of the game. (WE ARE! PENN STATE!!!) But the Chiefs still had all 3 timeouts and used them wisely. Now it’s 4th and 1, now Harbaugh is trying to do what Bill Belichick couldn’t do in 2009 against the Colts. Convert a 4th and Short in his own territory to win the game. “Jackson keeps up the left side and it’s a 1ST DOWN! AND THE RAVENS ARE GONNA BEAT THE CHIEFS!!!” Oh my gosh, they beat Kansas City. They beat Kansas City! They beat the Chiefs. No way that just happened. They did it, they beat Kansas City! Marylander: THEY DID IT! THEY BEAT KANSAS CITY! (FULL REID AND MARYLANDER ACTIVATED!!! League of Legends theme playing) YOU HEAR THAT! OH MY GOSH THEY BEAT KANSAS CITY WITH 15 PLAYERS ON IR!!! THE CHIEFS ARE CLEARLY BEATABLE!!!
Narrator: It finally happened! The Ravens defeated Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid! The Boys in Purple are still Super Bowl Contenders. Marylander and All of Baltimore: THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Narrator: This game says a lot about both teams. The Chiefs defensively have been exposed, they can’t do anything against legit talent. They must rely on the Legend of Zoom and “The Patrick Price” to bail them out. The Ravens, despite their issues on defense, made big plays when they had to. And they didn’t do that in Vegas last week. It is what Ravens fans envisioned. A repeat of 2011 against the Steelers! The boogeyman has been defeated but there are still greater challenges that await. But for one day at least, we can all live in the sun by one fact: LAMAR JACKSON HAS FINALLY BEATEN HIS KRYPTONITE. Marylander: I wonder where that Wolf is? Narrator: He’s gone now he was too upset after the game just like Nick Wright was. Marylander: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Narrator: I wonder what can make this weekend even crazier? “Intercepted by Brisker! AND PENN STATE HAS KNOCKED OFF THE AUBURN TIGERS!” (Call that a preview for The Pride of Penn State Football) Marylander: Great weekend for us isn’t it! Narrator: Yeah it is! Like Ray Lewis doing the Squirrel Dance, SO ARE THE CHARM CITY BEASTS! Marylander: “WE GOTTA FEELING! RAVENS’ GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! (X4) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Bragging Rights Sports 