To the delight of most of you football fans as well as fellow Marylanders, Charm City Beasts is returning for a 2nd season. Although this year we will see full capacity stadiums, and more raging and laughter throughout the year. Yes, I potentially did add a new series involving the Green Bay Packers if there is drama coming out of Lambeau but this is still the main attraction plus the addition of The Pride of Penn State Football. Anyways let’s open up a new season of tales from the blue collar streets of Baltimore. Away we go!
CHARM CITY BEASTS
Starring Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Ronnie Stanley, Marquise Brown, Calais Campbell, Marlon Humphrey, Justin Tucker, John Harbaugh, Greg Roman, Don Martindale, with Eric DeCosta, and Steve Bisciotti. Guest appearances by “The Salty Marylander.”
Season 2, Episode 1: A Massive Wake Up Call
Created by Bragging Rights Sports
Narrator: If there has been anything going on in training camp it’s that many of the Ravens players have had to go throw the injury bug. Action Jackson and Gus Edwards had to go through the COVID bug during the opening week of camp. Not to mention 1st Round pick Rashod Bateman had to miss 6 weeks via groin surgery. Even worse, CRACK! JK Dobbins is out for the year with a torn ACL. The good news for Ravens fans is that Gus the Bus is still here and Tyson Williams played excellent in the preseason. And then Justice Hill went down with a torn achilles. (Marylander: Now what!) Now down to only 2 healthy backs and Pat Ricard it was obvious they needed a proven veteran on the squad. Luckily someone listened! Eric DeCosta and Ozzie Newsome saw the team’s depleted RB room and said one thing. You know what this offense needs? LE’VEON BELL! (One of Bells Rap Tracks playing in the background) Yes he hasn’t had elite production since 2017 but we saw what Mark Ingram did behind this O-Line. I feel like Villanueva recruited him once JK went down but hey those 2 want revenge on Mike Tomlin in every way there is. As long as he returns to his once great form as a Steeler he’s got a bright future with this team. I also learned from fellow Ravens insider Ingraven that Gus the Bus is also a pro rapper to go along with the once Prodigal Son of YinzerLand. Just keep that good content away from the Under Armour Performance Center and you’ll be fine boys. This isn’t the first time Baltimore has signed a Steeler legend who wore #26, they signed future 1st Ballot Hall of Famer Rod Woodson in 1998 and it led to the franchises 1st Super Bowl title and the greatest defense in NFL History. (Thus dawning the Ravens Steelers rivalry) Not only did they get that signing out of the way, they extended Mark Andrews with a 4 year $56 Million contract to avoid the possibility of him hitting the FA market. All they need to do is extend Bradley Bozeman and we’re all set. Now they have their eyes set on getting DeVonta Freeman and Latavius Murray because of one simple reason. CRACK! Marylander: ARE YOU (sensored) KIDDING ME! HOW MANY INJURIES ARE WE GOING TO GET THIS YEAR! GUS THE BUS AND MARCUS PETERS! SOMEBODY FIRE SAUNDERS IMMEDIATELY! PAUSE
Narrator: With injuries to several offensive playmakers excluding the now healthy Hollywood Brown and Sammy Watkins, John Harbaugh states that there is no panic in terms of players getting reps. He says that it will be hard for these guys to come back but we have confidence in almost anyone on this roster. Even if their potential star wideout Rashod Bateman was out, this was a huge boost for 2nd year receiver James Proche. After outplaying everyone in preseason and training camp, he is ready to establish himself as a key threat in the Ravens new look offense. The defense meanwhile has been healthy excluding LJ Fort who is also out for the season. (Look everyone JOSH BYNES! He’s Back Again!) Marlon Humphrey told the media that it doesn’t matter who we have on defense, we just have to do our jobs and win. Luckily for Wink Martindale, the Ravens added Justin Houston and Odafe Oweh to a defense that is loaded with talent. Plus Patrick Queen has a new look and he is ready to do some serious damage now that Bynes is back as one of the starting Linebackers after a year away from B-More. Once again the major headline this offseason plus the preseason was a Civil War brewing between ESPN’s Jeremy Fowler and the Ravens ESPN insider Jamison Hensley. Fowler stated that this is the year that Lamar Jackson is going to get figured out. (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! SHOTS FIRED!!!) The good news for Hensley is that he had a right hand at his side, ACTION JACKSON! He was asked by the Ravens long time beat writer whether he saw that headline on GET-UP that morning. Lamar stated that he didn’t see the headline, but also said it will be fake news since he has a new look offense full of talent on the outside. Fowler plus Dan Orlovsky and Jeff Darlington said that the Ravens don’t have an elite offense now that Dobbins is out and nearly every single receiver is injured. (Thank you for ticking off Johnny again ESPN!) I wonder who else is joining this discussion? BOOM! Stephen A Smith saying that LJ isn’t an elite QB. Hasn’t this guy trashed my teams enough already! First he said Milwaukee is a terrible city and Giannis is soft and now THIS! Something smells like a Week 1 statement just like the last 3 years.
Just like 2 years ago all of the salty Marylanders are in a massive feud with the Jungle, Dawg Pound, and Yinzers over AFC North bragging rights. Just like at the NFL Draft this year in Cleveland the bad blood that these fan bases have on each other is hilarious to witness. In some cases it is a 2v2 in terms of traditions and narratives. The Marylanders and Yinzers surprisingly are the smart ones, they have longtime power over the division and expect their teams to be good every year. The Ohio teams have the arrogant fans, players, and front office people that think their hotshots on paper. (Media: Browns and Bengals ruling the North is the New Frontier. Marylander: NOT IN BALTIMORE IT ISN’T!) Time will tell which side wins this war. Who will the media side with? (ESPN and NBC pick Browns/Bengals to make playoffs, Ravens/Steelers for missing playoffs) Marylander: Oh No! NO NO NO NO NO DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!! You guys have made the same mistakes in 2008, 2015 and 2019, don’t get fooled by the injuries coming out of Baltimore and Pittsburgh! I swear they just want perhaps the 2 most long suffering franchises in football to get payback on the teams that have owned them for years. (Same thing with the Maple Leafs in the NHL and the Fighting Irish in College Football) Narrator: Calm down my friend, we still have plenty of time to make a statement. Marylander: Ok, that’s fine.
Narrator: In Week 1 the Ravens face a potential trap game situation, even though they are an NFL best 10-3 on Opening Day since 2008 they have to enter the brand new “Death Star” that is Allegiant Stadium to face the Las Vegas Raiders. This is an even tougher task for Baltimore since this is the “REAL” grand opening of NFL Football in Las Vegas. (The Raiders didn’t have fans during COVID last year) To motivate them on game day the Ravens used Carmelo Anthony to narrate their weekly pregame hype video this week. For the 1st time in 11 years the Ravens play a team that is playing in their stadium’s debut for fans on Monday Night Football. That year they played the Jets in the grand opening of MetLife Stadium and won 10-9 thanks to some excellent defense and REFBALL saving Joe Flacco from a disastrous first look that season. This time they face the relocated Black Hole and a Raiders team looking to shed their doubters. They started 6-3 last year only to collapse and finish 8-8 which eventually led Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock to overhaul the defense. Vegas has several former Ravens on the roster including Willie Snead, Yannick Ngakoue and Darren Waller. The Ravens are entering hell, a raucous environment where RaiderNation is throwing batteries and golf balls at their opposing foes from the Charm City. All of the trash talk that Raider fans have talked about at the Flock is only going to make their opponents stronger.
This game requires an angry tone because of all of the doubters that Harbaugh and his team are trying to shed! Early in the game it was obvious that the Ravens were the better team. Other than a few key plays on the opening drive of the game Vegas could do nothing. And with a refreshed Action Jackson and Ty’Son Williams making a good first impression the Ravens took an early 14-0 lead. But the game turned on a single play. We all know that Greg Roman is an aggressive play caller that lives and dies by the run game, and in this game it was no different. Instead of running a bootleg with Lamar they gave it to Latavius Murray and he got stopped quickly. It may have only led to a field goal but it got the crowd back into the game. Throughout the game Baltimore’s defense was all over Derek Carr. Every Time the Raiders had a solid drive going the Ravens defense would stop them. Leading 17-10 early in the 4th Quarter the Ravens were going for the kill, they had the ball at midfield and one touchdown would basically put the game away. BOOM! However the Raiders defense continued their domination over the Ravens offensive line, Jackson lost the ball and Vegas recovered! And just like that Carr and the Raiders offense unlocked their talents and abilities. Vegas stormed back and tied the game because Tavon Young decided to be an idiot and trip over Hunter Renfroe in the endzone. However the high-end talent of the Ravens came back with avengence. They stormed down the field quickly and highlighted by a bomb from Jackson to Sammy Watkins the Ravens were back in business. As soon as Latavius Murray scored it appeared that the Raiders had no hope. (HEAVY METAL MUSIC!) You’ve got to be kidding me! Martindale when are you going to realize that blitzing against a speed based offense doesn’t work especially against the pass? This is how you get beat by Kansas City everytime you play them and how are you going to stop them next week if you can’t contain Henry Ruggs and Waller? Oh so now we see them not blitzing Carr and yet that doesn’t work. With the game now tied we have to rely on high-end talent to win the game! So far everything is working, beautiful talent as far as they eye can see. Even though they failed to run out the clock they kicked a field goal to take the lead with 35 seconds left. (Good boy JT) All they need to do is stop the Raiders who have no timeouts (Game tied) YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! How can this defense be so good and then they can’t do anything when it matters? And even worse Vegas is getting the ball first in OT. Someone make a play, I know we are down Peters and Jimmy Smith but how is this continuing to occur? (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) “Touchdown and this game is over!” Told you this would happen. HOLD IT! “After review the runner was down at the 1 yard line, it will be 1st and Goal Las Vegas at the Baltimore 1 yard line.” Ok, the Football Gods are giving us 1 more chance, please cause the laughter. “Carr throws and it’s off the hands of Snead and INTERCEPTED!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (This is why we cut Willie Snead this offseason) PAUSE.
Ok we kind of got lucky there but now we have a chance to make premium Nevada salt right now. Lamar I don’t ask for much, but just get us into field goal and get out of here so we can prepare for KC. “Jackson is trying to get out and can’t do it! He’s taken down and it’s out! AND THE RAIDERS HAVE RECOVERED IT!” Villanueva we need to talk, how in the world can you not block a legit speed rusher if you live depended on it? Wasn’t that your specialty in Pittsburgh? Now you’ve just made the media blame this entire game on Lamar when everyone else on the O-Line and Defense got schooled. And even worse Vegas is in field goal range. “Carr under pressure, he throws a deep ball to Zay Jones who HAS IT! TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOWN! RRRRRRAIDERS!” (A former Ravens practice squad player burning Marlon Humphrey to win the game, somebody please call for Wink’s head right now) Marylander: Give me one second. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” PAUSE.
John Harbaugh should have been fired after the 4th and 12 game against Cincinnati in 2017! THERE I SAID IT! You know how he would overmanage the defensive play calling and chuck a god awful Rashaan Melvin into the secondary to blow leads? IT HAPPENED AGAIN! I don’t know if he was punting for playing Patrick Mahomes or staring at the Raiders on a hill of Action Jackson but it failed miserably. This kind of meltdown makes Brian Billick grin in delight! 4th Quarter you have Marlon Humnphrey shutting down Henry Ruggs and beginning his case for Defensive Player of the Year. Who do you switch him with, BRANDON STEVENS! (A Rookie playing out of position due to injuries) Am I supposed to be shocked that he gave up 3 large gains in the 4th Quarter or OT? Even worse was their final drive! Ty’Son Williams had a strong game, you kept him out there. He couldn’t block Maxx Crosby, YOU STILL KEPT HIM OUT THERE! WHAT IN THE NAME OF TRENT DILFER WERE YOU DOING! Murray may not be what he was in 2016 but you still had him on the bench all night long? YOU BLEW THIS GAME! You wasted Lamar’s outstanding performance! What will your excuse be this time, we weren’t prepared for that kind of crowd noise. The NFL’s version of Mike Budenholzer, Prove me Wrong!
And where would I be if I didn’t get on Steve Saunders. All week as well as training you had one job! Make sure everyone is healthy by Week 1! You didn’t! We’ve now lost our 3 starting RB’s, our #2 corner, our starting LG, out #2 ILB, and now Lamar is in danger of being out for the season if their Tackles can’t block speed rushers. Look there’s still time to change this but if anyone needs to leave it’s him. They won’t fire him because he and Megan McLaughlin have been there since the end of the Billick era. Loyalty is supreme in this organization isn’t it! PAUSE.
It’s time to face hard truths and I know the entire state of Ohio is cheering as I say this, the Ravens are in massive danger of losing their 20+ year Super Bowl window! This was the game they had to win. Why? Because of who they play next week! Next they have to play their newage boogeyman in the Kansas City Chiefs, I know the game is at NIGHT GAME HELL that is M&T, but from how the Baltimore Sun has had to advertise PSL Owner memberships this summer for the first time ever it’s looking like 50% of the stadium will be Chiefs fans. And not to mention they have to play Denver plus the LA Chargers and both of them will be as good as the Raiders. I know it’s not the end of the world as we know it, I get that but DEAR GOD this is brutal. If you can’t hold a 14 point lead against a team you should beat by at least 10 points you should be crushed by real teams. They won’t worry about it though, they’ll pretend that they can beat the Chiefs while running the same defensive plays over and over again. Please don’t tell me that I made a deal with the devil for the Bucks to win the NBA Championship. This is punishment for that isn’t this!
Bragging Rights Sports 