CHARM CITY BEASTS SEASON 1
Prologue
Baltimore Ravens: The Typical Ravens offseason in the eyes of the reigning Coach of the Year John Harbaugh: Hype surrounding division rivals, Lamar Jackson and the offense has questions, the defense will be exposed, they will soon enter Cap Hell, the departure of Earl Thomas, and they have the Dreaded Drake and Madden Cover Curses. We just love to be doubted when we really are Super Bowl Contenders, he says. Coming off the most humiliating defeat in franchise history last year the Ravens made moves to bolster the core by drafting two receivers from the state of Texas in the later rounds and JK Dobbins in the 2nd round. Getting Tavon Young back from injury, they signed Derek Wolfe, they traded for an elite run stopper in Calais Campbell, and the big prize in the first round. Another Generational Middle Linebacker, PATRICK QUEEN! I swear to God if they don’t make it to the Super Bowl this season I will rage like never before. This is probably the best team this franchise has ever had. I do have one more thing, Win it for Mo.
Episode 1: vs Browns
Today, on the season premiere of Charm City Beasts. A devastating loss to end their season last year leads the Ravens into a year of redemption and insanity. Lamar Jackson has been telling his critics that he will prove them wrong by means of throwing the deep ball. The additions of Calais Campbell, Derek Wolfe, and Patrick Queen, as well as JK Dobbins look to give the Boys of Baltimore a push in the race for the Super Bowl. The only huge losses were the ego of Earl Thomas, Marshal Yanda, and Michael Pierce. Other than that they are returning most of their 14-2 team from last year plus both coordinators. It appears the Ravens are in class to themselves as well as the Chiefs, but some think they will be figured out and be proven right. Meanwhile,
Daybreak, Cleveland Ohio: The entire city and all of the Dawg Pound have regained their 2019 hype. New Coaching staff, more weapons, a revamped offensive line, Baker looking confident, and brand new uniforms. In fact 60% of America is picking the upset of the week to be the Browns. The Ravens are the perfect opponent to flash their potential. This should be fun.
Narrator (me): In this Week 1 battle the Charm City Beasts took on an old foe, Cleveland. The Browns just happen to be the team that gave the Ravens their most recent loss in the regular season. The key for Baltimore was to not let it happen again. They got the message, the Ravens D kicked off the game the same way they did last year with an opening drive interception which led to the touchdown catch of the week from Mark Andrews. The Browns were forced to a 3 and out but WHY DID THE BROWNS FAKE A PUNT ON 4TH AND 4 AT YOUR OWN 30 YARD LINE! “STAFANSKI DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM BILL O’BRIEN LAST YEAR!” The good news is for Cleveland that the miscue only led to a field goal, and on their next drive they gained a majority of their rushing yards and scored a potentially momentum turning touchdown. The Ravens would go straight down the field with a bomb to Hollywood Brown, but it was all for naught as Patrick Ricard fumbled on a 3rd and 1 at the 15. Wait a minute the Browns might take the lead, scratch that they shot themselves in the foot again. False Start, Facemask on Odell, Delay of Game, Sack. Despite the Dawgs pinning the Ravens at the 1 yard line. Then Lamar Jackson rode shotgun on that drive as the Boys in Purple went 99 yards for a touchdown, which was the first time in 19 years that the Ravens accomplished this feat. The Browns though wouldn’t go away they got down deep into Ravens territory and looked like they would cut the Baltimore lead. What happened, drop by OBJ, field goal NO GOOD, Ravens go down the field for another touchdown.
The Ravens in the second half played keep away and won 38-6, yes even if the score was dominated by Baltimore, Cleveland entered the spotlight for the wrong reasons again. Long before the game Odell, and Jarvis Landry were trash talking Marcus Peters and Marlon Humphrey shortly after Peters got an extension from the Ravens and they both said that “those two corners will be destroyed by us for years to come.” Those two had a combined 83 yards against the 2 All Pro Corners in Purple. It doesn’t end there either, Sheldon Richardson also said that Lamar is going to run for most of the game, he said that “Jackson has not yet turned into Aaron Rodgers”, on Sunday he did. I would also blame Kevin Stafanski as well, all they talked about was calling play action plays for weeks and they only ran 6 of those in that game. Once again can someone tell me why he faked a punt on a 4 and 4 at the 30. To me Jimmy Haslem is Football’s version of Harold Ballard. All he has done is run this franchise into the ground with his lack of hiring experienced coaches, Keeping Hue Jackson way too long, hiring coaches that were one year coordinators with no experience, and hiring coordinators that have never been one. Not to mention the ticket prices at FirstEnergy Stadium since 2018 on a regular basis have been way too expensive and that is why so many of their fans have to go to road games to see them. Their analytical approach is already failing, I know what is going to happen if they don’t make the playoffs. He keeps Baker Mayfield, OBJ, and Jarvis Landry, he fires his entire staff, and brings in experienced coaches. The NFL needs to force him out of that franchise, the reason is because he is the only reason why they aren’t competing for championships.
The Browns fans are also ridiculous, all I kept hearing the week before this game was “Baker will roast the Ravens like last year.” OBJ and Jarvis are the two best receivers in football” Lamar is a RUNNING BACK” “We are going to crush you guys because we are the best team in the division!” Once again arrogance and ego are their fans’ downfall. They have been hyping this team more than the entire NFC combined only to get embarrassed. I know they have all of the talent there is on paper but they need to as Taylor Swift would say “CALM DOWN”! Because they need to learn a lesson from this. This document should be talking specifically about the Ravens but I will say that they once again proved why they are big brothers to Cleveland since the move in 1995.
As for the Ravens, what will we expect from a Lamar pass heavy offense, will the defense give Deshawn Watson a beating like last year. Find out next week on “Charm City Beasts!”
Episode 2: at Texans (From Weekly Recaps)
When I heard that Stephen A. Smith picked the Texans to win this game I said to myself “Oh Boy is he going to be wrong!” And he was. This game proved that the debate between Lamar Jackson and Deshawn Watson was one sided in favor of the Ravens. Bill O’Brien learned nothing from the playoff game in Kansas City last year, and went for it on a 4 down in his own territory and failed. What happened afterwards, Touchdown Ravens! Despite the Texans taking advantage of Tavon Young tearing his ACL AGAIN Baltimore stopped them by means of turnovers and sacks. The Texans winning streak of 9 games after a loss ended with the exact same result as last year. A blowout at the hands of RavensNation. I will say though the game next Monday Night against is the most I have wanted the Purple and Black to win since the 2014 playoffs against the Steelers. Why? Because all of the media’s narratives about the Chiefs will be put on hold.
Episode 3: vs Chiefs
Today on a new episode of Charm City Beasts. An escape from Houston with a certain powerhouse coming into town has the entire city buzzing for excitement. Lamar Jackson decided to treat the Monday Night Showdown just like a regular game so he could tune out the hype and distractions. The only injury news of the week was another season ending injury for Tavon Young, ok this is the 3rd time in 4 years he has been on IR what a highway robbery if there was one. The question now with Tavon out was who will be taking the role of slot corner. The answer was moving Marlon Humphrey around.
That thinking would be put to the test against the defending Super Bowl Champs in the Kansas City Chiefs, a team that has been the Ravens new arch nemesis since Lamar Jackson became the starter at QB. The Chiefs had beaten the Ravens the past 4 of the past 5 years and Coach Harbaugh has been snakebitten against them. The main connection is that Andy Reid knows the Ravens coaching staff like a sports record book because most of Baltimore’s coaching staff worked for Reid in Philadelphia 10 years ago. But this time I think it will be different. Patrick Mahomes has never played in Baltimore and the Ravens have lost only 2 primetime home games in the Harbaugh era, a glorious revenge is in sight PAUSE THEY LOST TO KC AGAIN! WHY! WHY! WHY!!!!!!! PAUSE! Really, all of those moves this offseason and they still can’t stop Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. The Ravens got smacked on National TV, and worse it is to Kansas City, STUPID KANSAS CITY! The one team that the Ravens can’t beat when it really matters, the one team that is becoming the Colts of the 2000s in the eyes of Baltimore fans. I need to describe who is responsible for this disaster.
I won’t waste time on Lamar, he got no help from his receivers and running backs because of the Chiefs speed on defense.
Greg Roman is clearly on the hot seat. How many times is he going to get schooled in the biggest games? Look at this, 2nd Quarter the Ravens trailed 13-10 and had the chance at taking the lead. They have a 4 headed monster in the backfield. What does he do? Call pass plays that result in 3 incomplete passes because the Chiefs corners are very fast just like their offense. Even worse was their final drive. Despite being down 14 the Ravens ran the ball on KC all the way down to the Chiefs 15 yard line. What does he do: 5 wide set incomplete pass, two sacks, 5 wide set incomplete pass. If they lose to Washington he will get the axe like Cam Cameron, and Marc Trestman did.
Martindale I won’t go hard on because he tried everything to stop the Chiefs and failed for the most part, at least they kept them in check in the second half.
Tyre Phillips needs to be benched. I mean yes he has to replace Marshal Yanda but they paid DJ Fluker 8 million a year to replace Yanda and they never use him. Look at what has happened with Phillips, he has given up 7 sacks in 3 games! The reason is because every team has used their top pass rusher on him. Now he gets to face Chase Young or Ryan Kerrigan next week. If I am John Harbaugh I wouldn’t have the marque offensive free agent signing be on the bench for 3 weeks.
I never thought I would say this but I have no choice, Larry Hogan needs to let the fans back in M&T Bank Stadium, THERE I SAID IT! Not having a fan total of over 14,000/71,000 instead of 200/71,000 family members felt like a home game for Kansas City. But let’s be real if COVID didn’t exist 60% of M&T would have been Chiefs fans. All I can say is please let the fans back in by the Pittsburgh game in Week 7 now Week 8. If you do, the daunting home field advantage will be back.
This team for some reason can’t develop Wide Receivers! How many draft picks have we wasted on these guys and for some reason most of them can’t reach their potential. I feel like they will make a move for Antonio Brown or Dez Bryant.
The equipment manager should have been fired last year after the Tennessee game. How many times are these guys going to force the Ravens to wear white pants in big games and for the most part they lose. I would say dump those pants at the end of the year.
Honestly it also doesn’t help that the media has buried Coach Harbaugh, Lamar, and Greg Roman after this game. This always happens with the Ravens every year, they have a bad game one week and usually bounce back the next. It doesn’t help that even with the hatred that the media has always had on us since the Ray Lewis Era. But knowing Eric Decosta he will make a blockbuster trade for a pass rusher as well as AB or Dez. But not only could their cover be blown off, guess who gained ground. Pittsburgh and Cleveland, now everyone of their fans think the division is all but theirs. If the Ravens lose to Washington next week there will be serious changes to the offensive staff. Just Win next week for my sake.
Episode 4: at Hogs
Today on Charm City Beasts! Lamar Jackson goes for the opponents’ blood, and it’s not the other team. After an embarrassing effort from the offense against the Chiefs where the Boys in Purple blew chances to win the game adjustments needed to be made. As the QB and leader of the offense Action Jackson chooses to encourage his teammates to play better. Against the Chiefs the receivers and O-Line were smacked for much of the game and it led to Greg Roman being convinced to follow the Bo Schembeckler style of football. “WE NEED TO RUN THE BALL” he says to his offensive staff. “We need to stick to the game plan that has worked for us since I got there.” That means they will use whichever RB has the hot hand. Also this past week Marlon Humphrey was given one of the biggest extensions a Raven has ever gotten. 5 years and $19.75 Million per year, with his level of play at this point of his career he might overtake Chris McAlister as the best lockdown corner in team history.
The Ravens next game is against “The Team That Has No Name” for now,( The Washington Hogs). A team that appears to be soft on paper but this 38 mile trip to Landover will not be easy. The Hogs have been challenging the team. Baltimore has not won at FedEx Field since 2004 and John Harbaugh has been snakebitten against them. The main connection, Washington has gotten 2 of Harbs offensive coordinators fired when they have beaten the Ravens. The ghosts of Kirk Cousins, Brandon Banks, Josh Norman, and Alfred Morris have haunted their dreams in the past 2 matchups. This week would be revenge for the Beasts. The Ravens offense struggled to get started early in the first quarter but the defense came to play against a man that the Harbaugh family knows too well in Dwayne Haskins. A fumble that was Fruit Punched (forced) by Marlon Humphrey led to a Big Truzz (Mark Ingram) touchdown two plays later. Thank God Humphrey has been so far playing up to the extension he signed this week! After another 3 and out by the Hogs Action Jackson proved why there should be no panic for the offense as he rumbled down the field for a 50 yard touchdown on a 3rd and long. Even if Washington went down the field for a touchdown thanks to REFBALL and Jimmy Smith deciding to be benched the rest of the game for a cheapshot. The special teams nerd of Sam Koch shocked us all with a fake punt that resulted in a 15 yard completion for a first down to Miles Boykin. Jackson and Mark Andrews did the rest as they exposed the Hogs secondary for a pull away touchdown.
The second half would be pretty quiet except for Marquise Brown and Mark Andrews running by Washington yet again. To me this game was the bounceback win this team needed. Yes, all of the critics that said Lamar Jackson and the Ravens are done must be put to bed. Most of the people commenting on the YouTube video of the postgame press conference that Lamar, and Coach Harbaugh had after the Chiefs said that they were done and won’t make the playoffs. All I can say is this, “NEVER COUNT US OUT!” The underdog role of the Ravens has returned during their 3-1 start but the biggest question in my opinion is will Eric Decosta and Ozzie Newsome pull off a Marcus Peters type Blockbuster? In my opinion it will happen but when will it happen? With the Bengals coming to town next week will Joe Burrow and his so-called “HOTSHOT” be put in their place, All of that next week on Charm City Beasts! (I just hope that we will have fans at M&T in a few weeks.)
Episode 5: vs Bengals (From Weekly Recaps)
Speaking of the Ravens, their tradition of beating up Rookie QBs whenever they come to M&T Bank Stadium continued as the Purple and Black came within 30 seconds of the franchise’s first shutout in 2 years. Joe Burrow and the Bungals were put in their place after declaring they were HOTSHOTS after trouncing #Sacksonville last week. Even if Lamar Jackson struggled thanks to a bad knee the Ravens did just enough to improve to 4-1. By the way, when did Trace McSorley get famous on TikTok?
Episode 6: at Eagles
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! PAUSE! THEY BLOCKED ME ON SNAPCHAT! LOL! I didn’t even message or snap them, they just blocked me like a Pulling Yanda. How long until they make up for their mistakes.
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! The beatdown of Joe Burrow and the Bungles gives the Ravens the 4-1 start they were looking for. In terms of Lamar Jackson the offense hasn’t played well because of opposing teams schemes. He says that we need to play better and not have periods in the game where the offense goes flat. It appears that the Boys in Purple went from being a hotshot team with a great offense back to their old dominant ways of defense. This to any Marylander is no surprise but they have some injuries up front. First Derek Wolfe. He hadn’t practiced all week and was out for the game. Next Brandon Williams, he didn’t test positive for COVID but several of his family members did thus preventing him from playing this weekend.
The Ravens headed up I-95 for a matchup against the Philadelphia Eagles at the Linc. Philly may not have the record most pundits thought they had but you can never take a former champion lightly. Also in this game John Harbaugh has a grudge of beating his old team and showing Howie Roseman and Doug Pederson who is boss. As expected the defense jumped all over Carson Wentz in the first half in which until late in the second quarter the Eagles had negative yards. Lamar Jackson learned from the mistakes he made against Cincy converted key 3rd Down plays as Baltimore jumped to a 17-0 lead at halftime. It appears like this will be the statement that the Ravens need for the media to shut up about their narratives. BOOM! Little did they know what was about to happen. The Eagles stormed back for a 74 yard touchdown run for the second straight week against an AFC North team. But Action Jackson answered back with another big play touchdown run of his own. With the score at 24-6 you’d think there is no way Philadelphia can come back from this. BUT THEY TRIED!
This game in my opinion was dominated all game by REFBALL and injuries. I feel like there is always one game each year where the Ravens have a game that comes down to penalties. And ironically the Referee Crew at this game was the same crew that robbed us in the 4th and 12 game in 2017, and almost robbed us against the Browns two years ago and the Bills last year. In my opinion those refs to me are Anti-Ravens people who like the Steelers and blast Renegade. Look at what happened:
- Baltimore had 3 touchdown drives taken away by penalties.
- The Eagles scored their 1st TD of the 4th quarter because of a roughing the passer call on Jihad Ward. If that doesn’t happen the score is 24-9 AT LEAST.
- The Eagles 2nd TD drive was helped by a DeShon Elliott interception that resulted in a defensive holding call and the touchdown should have been Offensive Pass Interference making the score 30-22.
- Next Ravens drive they convert a 3rd and 10 only to be called for illegal formation.
Now the Eagles have a chance to do the one thing they couldn’t do against us in 2016, come back from the dead. BEEP! That’s not Pass Interference! IN WHAT WORLD IS THIS PASS INTERFERENCE ON MARCUS PETERS! Both guys are touching each other and in the game between the Rams and 49ers there was a similar play that wasn’t called. I don’t think the Ravens will lose but Holy Nutcracker can the refs stop robbing us! Gerry Sandusky: “Wentz QB sneak, no signal Touchdown Philadelphia!” Oh My God it is going to happen! The Ravens blowing another late game lead to a team that is worse than their record. Didn’t they realize that they forgot how to make a stop and not commit a penalty BUT WAIT here comes the high-end talent! HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! This play took away all of the recent failure in this game and the Ravens escaped with victory despite mental flaws in coaching and discipline. HALLELUJAH!
This game shouldn’t have been close. The Refs in my opinion are always against us yet we beat them too! But this is when Eric DeCosta is about to pull off another blockbuster and give this team an offensive gamechanger. Thank God our Bye Week is next week because this game was a total wake up call. I think the media needs to calm down because they are 5-1 for the 3rd time in team history. All I can say is that once we get healthy and are disciplined we will be a serious contender to the media. And remember this was where they were last year. Their breakout game that season wasn’t until Week 9 against the 8-0 Patriots. All I can say is if Pittsburgh is 6-0 we will give them the same treatment we gave Brady last year. All of that in 2 weeks on Charm City Beasts. Honestly I hope our fans are ok after that fight at the end of the game.
Episode 7: vs Steelers (Incoming Salt)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! The last second win over the Eagles in Week 6 enforces GM Eric DeCosta to reconsider his roster during the Bye Week. Injuries to Anthony Averett who is out for 6 weeks, and Derek Wolfe who is back to full strength hurt their chances of stopping Carson Wentz in the 4th quarter. DeCosta was once again back to playing NFL Blackjack. He traded 3rd and 5th Round picks to the Vikings for a talented edge rusher in Yannick Ngakoue. I know that was a bold move that should have been made for another slot corner or offensive lineman but if they are going to beat the Chiefs or other AFC powers they cannot run the scheme that they ran on that Monday Night. However, he did address the wide receiver weakness. They brought in Dez Bryant for yet another workout and then signed him to the practice squad. If he develops a good report, he could be a late addition to the 53 man roster by Sunday’s Game. The big news outside of Baltimore has come from the media once again. Not only have fans or anyone on ESPN not named Rex Ryan, Domonique Foxworth and Bart Scott claimed that the Steelers are not only the best team in football at 6-0, but many consider them a team that will be the first team in NFL history to go 19-0 in a season. If people are going to say these types of things they better be able to back it up. They also twisted the knife and said that the Ravens will struggle to get in the playoffs and the Ngakoue and Dez moves don’t affect the power rankings.
Speaking of those Yinzers, they just happen to be the team that will be greeting the Ravens after their Bye Week for perhaps the most anticipated regular season game in the rivalry that has ever been played in Baltimore. Pittsburgh is off to an aforementioned 6-0 start following their last minute win over the Titans, and a win against the Purple and Black will give them the chance at an undefeated season as well as total control of the AFC North. For further coverage of this game because of the importance of it, we have sent a corresponding Marylander that is joining us live from M&T Bank Stadium, let us give him a few words.
Marylander (Me): “Let’s just put it this way, this is of the utmost importance to the Ravens. The Steelers are 6-0 and coming to town on their white horse with all of their momentum, Halloween Candy, and Terrible Towels. You cannot trust Big Ben or their front 7 on D, who knows what they will do today. Let’s put it this way, there’s only one word that the Ravens need to do today, you know what that word is? WIN! It’s going to be an absolute bloodbath!”
For the record YES! Calais Campbell, Patrick Queen, and several members of the Ravens defense said that you can’t take this team lightly at all costs. With the Browns trying to overtake Baltimore for 2nd place in the division this game has now become a must win game. If they cannot succeed they will likely drop to 3rd place behind Cleveland as well as Pittsburgh and in the middle of the Wild Card hunt. The atmosphere inside a 10% capacity stadium is ruckus and the RavensFlock is out for the blood of Yinzers everywhere. The Steelers seek a 2 game lead and the tiebreaker in the AFC North if they win this game. With BRSTV (Bragging Rights Sports Television) on hand to witness the event the battles will be fierce and tightly contested.
This requires less narrator voice and more of an angry tone. This matchup of talents and Top 5 Coaches begins with punches galore in terms of gaining momentum. Lamar gives Pittsburgh the early edge by throwing a Pick 6 that made the score 7-0. However unlike the playoff game last year Jackson responded by driving right down the field by going 75 yards capped by a touchdown to Miles Boykin. The defense in the first half was salivating Big Ben and the Steelers offense to only 22 yards passing and 66 yards total. Despite the Ravens being unable to open up the game because of turnovers and REFBALL they still had a 17-7 lead at halftime. I wonder how the offensive line is doing? CRACK! Why did it have to be Ronnie Stanley? They just signed him to a huge extension plus their replacement to Marshal Yanda in Tyre Phillips could also be out for the season with the same injury. Not to mention Matt Judon got ejected by means of trying to escape a trainer to break up a fight instead he hit the ref by accident. Other than that lets see what the Marylander thinks?
Marylander: “Score update 17-7 Ravens exactly where I thought it would be. We are in a close, tight game especially since both defenses have been opportunistic. I mean if we hadn’t fumbled at the goalline it would be 24-7.”
The Ravens can do this! They are playing with pride and hunger on defense. A 3 and out to start the second half would be exactly what Coach Harbs was looking for. But then Lamar gave it right back to the Steelers with an interception leading to a touchdown on the next play… GREG ROMAN WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING! Lamar tried to make up for it by leading the offense down the field and BEEP! Um, how many times are the Ravens going to have a momentum play erased by a penalty! Weren’t they trying to clean it up during the Bye Week? “I think the NFL is doing everything they can for the Steelers to win this game”. My point exactly! Now Pittsburgh had all of the momentum and went down the field for the go ahead score because they had three 3rd down conversions that were results of penalties. But after that, the Ravens and Steelers traded 3 and outs for the next 2 drives. Action Jackson had the chance to redeem himself after a rough 1st 3 quarters. And for the moment he did. Led by a 3rd and 14 completion to Devin Duvernay, and a 3rd and 20 completion to Willie Snead the Ravens retook the lead 24-21. The only thing to do now is to stop the Leader of Men and victory will be served. PAUSE! Ref: Pass interference, Defense #22! And of course the Ravens D got in their own way yet again. If this were a regular basis with no COVID, Ravens fans would be throwing beer bottles and food on the field. I mean yes the Refs are trying to hand Pittsburgh the win but why aren’t we stepping up to take the win? Instead the Steelers take the lead yet again. But once again LJ led the Purple and Black went right down the field again by chewing up the clock but there was one problem. The offense went cold inside the Pittsburgh 10. In some cases the game would come down to a 4th and 3. All I can say is Greg Roman don’t shoot yourself in the foot again. “Jackson will run up the middle and he FUMBLES THE BALL AND THE STEELERS HAVE IT!” That would be the dagger but the Ravens defense held them to a 3 and out and the Baltimore offense had a chance to overcome the bad call. They stormed down the field again and WHY DIDN’T THE OFFICIALS RESET THE GAME CLOCK! Yes Cam Heyward was down on the field but if there is an injury in a situation like that the clock would be reset. But they didn’t because like I have said before, the NFL wants the Steelers to go undefeated for the entire season. Well at least they have 8 seconds and LJ has been on a hot streak excluding the 4th and 3. “Jackson will throw it into the endzone and it is INCOMPLETE NO FLAGS!” A dagger to the heart of every Ravens fan. Their last minute efforts to win came up just short, I know Harbaugh wanted the officials to get a replay of that last play but I don’t know if there was enough evidence to change the call. God save the Marylanders. Fans: “REF YOU SUCK! X3”.
The Ravens have failed in one of the most crucial games on their schedule. Don’t get me wrong they didn’t have Mark Ingram, Dez, or Stanley and Judon and yet they almost won the game. Baltimore played a solid game, unfortunately it wasn’t good enough. It required perfection, they were far from it. Do you want to know what would ease the sting of this loss? Not turning it over twice at the 1 yard line. Giving up 5 first downs and 3 touchdowns by means of penalties. Or not deciding their uniform until 3 hours before gametime instead of 3 days before. This game was Lamar Jackson running for a touchdown only to get called back because of holding. I know people will say Lamar can’t win big games but to me the reason they lost was Behind the Bench. Roman went away from his game plan early in the second half and it cost them. I also think he hasn’t been able to adjust as well. It is the exact same thing that killed him in San Francisco. With the loss the Steelers have a 2 game lead in the division as well as the tiebreaker, and this may have been the best chance anyone has of ending their undefeated season this year. If the Ravens don’t win on Thanksgiving in 3 weeks the Steelers will likely go 16-0. All I can say is that they better beat Indianapolis unless Roman is likely gone. Just get Dez on the field please! (Hollywood Brown tweeted about trashing the offense and Marlon Humphrey testing positive for COVID19), For crying out loud can these guys not force me to rage even more!
HalfWay Point
Baltimore Ravens: When this team is clicking there are very few that can stop them, when they aren’t it’s typical Ravens, trying to overcome adversity only to play poorly when it really matters. Lamar Jackson and the offense, yes they have not lived up to the hype but when their playoff ambitions are on the line they play like the team they were in the second half last year. Even if the defense has struggled as of late because of undisciplined play and potential COVID cases. This team should be a lock for the playoffs unless something stupid happens. If it does EVERYONE IS FIRED! All I can say is please shut up the evil media for once!
Episode 8: at Colts
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! A controversial game against a hated rival goes south in an effort to make a statement. Marquise Brown tweeted after the game saying “what are soulyas when you don’t have any!” Meaning that Lamar Jackson needs to get him more involved. Despite shooting themselves in the foot repeatedly against an undefeated Steelers team by means of turnovers and REFBALL, John Harbaugh states that there is no panic on offense. He says that we need to focus on doing the fundamentals if we want to go deep in the playoffs. The only problem is that Marlon Humphrey tested positive for COVID and other starters on defense were at high risk as well. Even with half the defense not practicing they will still have a top flight defense regardless. The other big news of the week was that the Ravens finally called up Dez Bryant and also gave tryouts to Tramon Williams and Antwon Bethea. I think Dez will be limited just because they need to get his feet wet.
In the game taking place this weekend, the Purple and Black traveled to a place that has been hell to the city of Baltimore since 1984, Indianapolis. Yes most of the diehards and historians of the Ravens want the Colts and the Irsay’s to be embarrassed big time. Baltimore has never won on the road against their old franchise and a win would not only legitimize them again but also get revenge on Philip Rivers for beating them with the Chargers in the playoffs a couple of years ago. If the week was already hard it got even harder since Calais Campbell went down with a calf injury that kept him out the rest of the game. The Colts took advantage of the injury and went down the field on their opening drive to score a touchdown. There was no way to describe the beginning of this game other than shere ugliness. Action Jackson was out of sync, the run game stopped at every corner, and the defense was not able to contain Michael Pittman, or Jonathan Taylor. All of that changed when Marcus Peters did his best FRUIT PUNCH impersonation and stripped the ball from Taylor and Chuck Clark went 65 yards the other way for a touchdown. That play seemed to wake up the defense and despite Indy exposing slot corner Terrell Bonds, Baltimore held Rivers in check. As for the offense, they struggled against the NFLs Top run defense for the entire first half. With only 55 yards of offense at halftime despite Lamar going 9-13 passing Greg Roman was clearly on the hotseat. If they don’t figure things out he could be gone!
What happened, Jackson came out guns ablazing firing dots and keeping up the pace only for (FUMBLE) “NO, GUS (Edwards)! NO! WHY DO YOU BETRAY US NOW, THAT WAS OUR BEST CHANCE TO SCORE!” It didn’t matter because on the next play Philip Rivers gave the ball right back to the Ravens by means of an interception by Peters that was very questionable. I would say that was a catch not because I’m biased, but because when I play Madden I get a few of those plays. Whatever that story was, Gus the Bus, and Lamar redeemed themselves by going right down the field again and this time punching it in the endzone. Baltimore can smell blood in the water! The defense forces yet another 3-and-out. Even if Mark Ingram is injured this offense is clicking like they did last year. They scorched the Colts secondary just before Lamar ran right by the Indianapolis D for the dagger. Marylander (Me): THERE IT IS BABY! THE CRITICISM OF LAMAR PLAYING FROM BEHIND IN THE SECOND HALF IS ASLEEP! LETS GO!
This is the kind of win that bonds a team together. Not having their best corner, run stopper, running back, half their defense missing practice the whole week, and two of their better offensive linemen yet going into Indianapolis to beat a team that has roasted opposing QBs and offenses. All I can say is if they have to go on the road to win big games they are up for the task. It is a Ravens tradition that is unlike any other in terms of accomplishments. Now with New England, Tennessee, and of course Pittsburgh coming up the Ravens can once again prove why they should be a force to be reckoned with come playoff time. Find out what happens in a Sunday Night showdown with Bill Belichick and the Pats next week on Charm City Beasts! Thank God Lamar silenced the critics again!
Episode 9: at Patriots (Prepare the Body Bags)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! The offensive explosion in the 2nd half against the elite Colts defense causes a reason of optimism again in Baltimore. Lamar Jackson has pointed out that they needed to change the tempo of the offense because in his words opposing teams are calling their plays for them before the play is even called. Let’s see what the media thinks of it. BOOM! ARE YOU KIDDING ME SOCIAL MEDIA!!! Stop trying to convince people that the Ravens will fail with Lamar Jackson as well as calling John Harbaugh and Greg Roman OVERRATED! I mean CALM DOWN! EVEN IF LJ WENT 10 FOR 10 IN THE SECOND HALF PASSING AGAINST THE NFL’S FASTEST DEFENSE! THEY STILL THINK THE OFFENSE IS TRASH! In my opinion the media has hated the Ravens long before Action Jackson got there and they think we have been boring since the Ray Lewis and Joe Flacco eras. We are annoying to the media compared to what they call “THE LARGER THAN LIFE” Steelers, as well as Chiefs, or even the Cowboys or Joe Burrow, Tua, and Justin Herbert. This is a recipe for a “Classic Ravens” story, a team that is under the radar compared to other teams with bigger fan bases and likeable names as well as criticism from the media about the Baltimore offense yet beats them all and gets the Lombardi. Time will tell with that story.
Where was I, OH RIGHT! The depth on the Ravens defense was in question after Marlon Humphrey tested positive and Calais Campbell suffered a calf injury last week against Indianapolis yet dominated Philip Rivers AGAIN. With Justin Madabuike and Terrell Bonds stepping in their places for a week, and now the return of Fruit Punch into the lineup the Ravens were looking to add another corner on defense for depth. Example: Tramon Williams, a former postseason hero for the Green Bay Packers in 2010. The only issue for them was that they had YES another positive COVID test. If the player is a scrub we’ll be fine. The good news for the Purple and Black is that Mark Ingram is likely to return to the starting lineup. Considering how well the Ravens have run the ball the last few weeks, he wants to join in on the fun. The same could be said about Dez Bryant who is also eager to get more involved after not getting a single target last week. All I can say is JUST GET OPEN buddy.
In this week’s showdown the Ravens travel to a place where they are no strangers to in terms of big games. Gillette Stadium in Foxborough for a showdown against the New England Patriots. Unlike previous years, the Pats have struggled to win close games but at 3-5 they are looking to get back in the playoff race. This game also begins a stretch for Baltimore in which they have 4 night games in 5 weeks including 3 away from the most daunting night game destination in the league which is M&T Bank Stadium. Whenever these 2 teams play in the regular season, you know it will be a Sunday Night game regardless of the destination.
Early in this game it was ugly to watch as both teams had problems because of the poor weather that hit the New England area. The worst visions for Ravens fans happened. With Calais Campbell, Jimmy Smith, Dez Bryant and LJ Fort already out, the injuries grew even more. Lamar Jackson, Marquise Brown, Miles Boykin, Nick Boyle, DJ Fluker, Patrick Mekari, Brandon Williams, Derek Wolfe, Tyus Bowser, Marcus Peters, Deshon Elliott, Tramon Williams and Terrell Bonds all either were injured at one point of the game, or left the game for good because of injuries. Thus giving this game the nickname “Body Bag Game II”. In other words a game in which many Marylanders would like to forget. With the injuries on the defensive front the Patriots attacked them all night rushing for 173 yards and 2 touchdowns. As for the offense, they played well excluding the interception at the end of the first half and Lamar playing on a bruised knee in the second half. The real reason for concerns after this game: EVERYTIME BALTIMORE HAD MOMENTUM THERE WOULD BE A BAD SNAP THAT WOULD KILL THEM! It also mentions the fact that Matt Skura was ALSO injured in this game! Look at the significance of this game. The Ravens have now lost 6 straight games while trailing by 10 or more, the defenses 21 game streak of at least 1 turnover is done, their 10 game road win streak is blown out the window, their chances at the AFC North are basically finished, and the worst nightmare any Ravens fan has is now true, They are now tied with the Browns in the standings! I feel like something has to happen in the next few weeks because they have to play Tennessee, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland, as well as a Cowboys team that might be bad but like the Patriots you can never take lightly. DON’T TELL ME THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO MISS THE PLAYOFFS AND HARBAUGH AND THE ENTIRE OFFENSIVE COACHING STAFF WILL GET THE AXE! PLEASE!
Episode 10: vs Titans (Incoming Salt)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! Injuries and inconsistency have doomed the Ravens since their Bye Week. After losing in Foxborough to a Patriots team that is only known for their run game leads concerns up front. The main reason Baltimore has struggled defensively this year. INJURIES AND LOTS OF THEM! Considering that Calais Campbell and Brandon Williams are now out of the lineup because of leg injuries the concern will be who will step in? The good news is that Jimmy Smith and LJ Fort will be back from their latest date with those Body Bags. On offense there has been some controversy over the last few weeks but it’s like the defense is due to banged up players. Now that Nick Boyle is lost for the season with a Torn ACL their 3 best run blockers from last year either retired or are on IR for the rest of the season. GOOD GOD! The good news for Lamar Jackson is that Dez Bryant will be starting and they signed Luke Willson, and another lineman to help the offense protect the elite pass rushers.
This game for the Ravens this week is huge in every form there is. Not only is their playoff destiny on the line they get to face a hated rival that they have traded heartbreaking moments with, THE TITANS! The humiliation from that 70 degree January Night is in the hearts of every Ravens fan. Being a 14-2 team and losing in Round 1 to Derrick Bleeping Henry and Dean Peas’ revenge story without scoring a single touchdown like in 2006 against the Colts. Nothing like standing on the Raven shield in the middle of the field before the game angries the home team. Despite Tennessee jumping out to an early lead Lamar and the offense did everything they could to keep up despite getting multiple false starts in the Red Zone that prevented them from running away with the game. Despite the score being 14-7 and King Henry being put on lockdown, Baltimore had the chance to extend their lead. (Fake Punt) CHRIS HORTON HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW IT IS GOING TO BE A FAKE PUNT WHEN THE BACKUP QB IS ON THE FIELD! How many times did you guys review this during practice this week? IF JERRY ROSBERG WAS STILL SPECIAL TEAMS COACH THAN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH PREPARED! (PAUSE) Despite the mistake by the special teams Tennessee ended the half by getting a field goal after roughing the passer call on 3rd and Long that prevented the Raven D from ending the half on a high note.
Despite the mistakes in the 1st half Action Jackson went right down the field by throwing a nice Touchdown Pass to Mark Andrews. “SEE I TOLD YOU HE COULD THROW IT DEEP AND OUTSIDE THE NUMBERS!” At 21-10 this should be smooth sailing right, the bad news is that Ryan Tannehill finally woke up and led them down the field to cut the lead to 21-13. The good news is that the Titan D can’t stop Lamar and the offense before Devin Duvernay ran a bad route resulting in an interception. But who cares, Derrick Henry has been held to 44 yards at the beginning of the 4th quarter this is revenge for last year! The problem was that Tannehill was in the zone and carving the Baltimore secondary until reaching the 5 before a nice defensive stand, as long as they hold on to the ball and the lead we will be fine and BEEP! Ref: False Start Offense #70 and 89, DJ Fluker has been terrible ever since they put him at Right Tackle! HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD WITH THIS! It’s ok though, Tennessee has to go 90 yards against our D that hasn’t given up a touchdown since the opening drive. WRONG! Tennessee gets inside the Raven 15 and is down to their last 2 plays and (AJ Brown becomes Beastmode) HOW DOES NOBODY ON THIS DEFENSE KNOW HOW TO MAKE A REGULAR TACKLE! How much draft capital and cap space have we spent on defense? Can we not let them gain 5+ yards after first contact? THIS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING EFFORTS OF TACKLING I SEEN SINCE THE RAY LEWIS ERA ENDED! The good news is at least they have Lamar, he looks like he is putting together his first big boy drive of his career. Look at them they got all the way down to the Titan 10 the High-End Talent will save Harbaugh again. (False Start on Hollywood Brown) ARE YOU KIDDING ME NFL OFFICIALS! Every time they get a chance to make a statement they get in their own way by means of REFBALL! But of course there is Justin Tucker who has been saving this team for a decade and has tied the game.
OVERTIME! As long as we don’t do anything stupid we will win. What they did was go 3 and out thanks to the offensive line and play calling turning into Joe Flacco from 2017. The bad news for us is King Henry has torched us since the 4th, HOW WILL WE STOP HIM NOW!? “Henry gets the carry, cuts back and is gone, 20, 10, 5 TOUCHDOWN!” MOM IT HAPPENED AGAIN!
I can’t feel my face after this kind of defeat. I had a feeling that they would blow this game and my god they did. The Ravens do this nonsense every year. You can’t help that it has been a tradition that has been going on since Brian Billick was head coach. You were defeated by a team that was even more injured than you guys. A golden opportunity completely wasted because the team couldn’t stop tripping over themselves. 13 years Harbs, 13 years as a coach and you still can’t manage a game clock. How do you tell the equipment guy to save the blackout uniform for the Cowboys game in Week 13. Why can’t the defense tackle a big body receiver or Running Back? What are they going to do against the Steelers putting Patrick Queen at Tight End? Why in the world was Mark Ingram on the field for only 5 plays, 5! He is your best RB and you told him to sit on the bench for much of the game! Let’s make it worse, why did you challenge the play where Lamar was short of the first? If you let that situation play out we would have to pass the ball with 30 seconds left and could have run it into the endzone. JUST STOP IT!
Do you want to know something? Thanks to Henry’s heroics he is now in the same level of hatred as Troy Polamalu was 10 years ago. Not to mention John Harbaugh is once again back on the hot seat with Greg Roman. If he gets fired their next coach possibly could be BOBBY PETRINO! The same Bobby Petrino that blackballed the Falcons, the same Bobby Petrino that was with Lamar in college. HE COULD BE THE COACH IF HARBAUGH GETS FIRED! Yep they would be done! To me this reminds me of the 2005 Steelers in some cases. They had a ridiculous season one year but ended in a brutal home loss, but then struggled with injuries and bad luck and many people said that they would miss the playoffs the next, yet rallied to win 8 straight and the Lombardi. In my opinion this road begins on Thanksgiving against those Steelers. In my opinion it is either going to be a repeat of 2012 in which they came out of nowhere to win it all or 2007 in which they go on a massive losing streak to end the season thus getting everyone fired. JUST MAKE DON SHULA AND THE 72 DOLPHINS PROUD FOR ME PLEASE!
Episode 11: at Steelers (NOT COVID!)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts. A massive bottle is hit as Baltimore loses in humiliating fashion against a team that they wanted revenge so badly despite missing their 2 best run stoppers. John Harbaugh received criticism from the media about the defense’s inability to tackle Derrick Henry or AJ Brown. He said that we need to work on that in practice this week. The only concern is that they would only have 2 days on the field. Despite the humiliating losses in 3 of the past 4 weeks Greg Roman states that there is no panic on the offensive side of the ball. He claims that they are trying everything they can to win yet penalties and bad offensive line play and injuries lead to the problem not the QB. This week would be a difficult one especially after (20 COVID cases) OH MY MERCIFUL GOD! PAUSE!
Everything that could go wrong for my teams this year has gone wrong. Not only are the Ravens on the outside looking into the playoffs right now they suffered perhaps the biggest COVID crisis in the league this year. Look at the list!
Lamar Jackson, Mark Ingram, JK Dobbins, Willie Snead, Mark Andrews, Matt Skura, Patrick Ricard, Patrick Mekari, Calais Campbell, Brandon Williams, Justin Madibuike, Broderick Washington, Justin Ellis, Matt Judon, and Morgan Cox. I didn’t want to say this but I have to. STEVE SAUNDERS THE STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING GUY NEEDS TO BE FIRED AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN AFTER 2015! The fact that he hasn’t worn a mask inside the Under Armour Performance Center this season is a testimony against this roster. He has been sick ever since the Halloween Weekend game against the Steelers. First he had a serious cough, next he had the flu. Yet Harbaugh, DeCosta, or Bisciotti did nothing about it. Can we stop with this now? Yes we can be salty Marylander.
Despite these cases the main focus for those that are playing this week is revenge. They are playing the Steelers again but this time it is in Pittsburgh. The salt from that Week 8 game is on the minds of every Ravens fan that was at M&T that Sunday. A victory grabbed from Purple and Black thanks to unfair officiating, 4 turnovers, and no one knowing how to reset a game clock. Twisting the knife the NFL did make that mistake on doing so but they didn’t want to admit it at first because the officials at that game wanted the Steelers to rule the football world. Except this time the NFL wants payback for rigging that game in favor of Pittsburgh. This week’s game was supposed to be played in front of a Thanksgiving Night audience but several positive tests from both teams over the weekend caused the game to be moved to Sunday, then Tuesday Night, then Wednesday Evening. Look I understand that they moved it to Wednesday to allow some of the Ravens players back on the field. But why did you choose the the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting as the primetime event that night more than the best rivalry in America’s #1 Sport? Yes it is a once in a year event but you could have done it on Tuesday Night instead. Anyways all we need to do is to run the ball and play great defense even if Lamar and Mark Andrews aren’t playing. The good news for Baltimore is that James Connor and a few of the Steelers offensive lineman are inactive, not the big 3 of DeCastro, Pouncey, and Villanueva though. Scratch that Pouncey is out too. Either way the Ravens have a soft schedule down the stretch following this game and even if they lose they can still win out and get the 5 seed.
As for the beginning of this game it was sloppy on both sides for both teams. The Ravens with RG3 as the starter early on were out of sync, their first 4 drives resulted in no 1st Downs, a fumble, and a Pick 6 by Joe Haden. Not the start we were looking for on offense but something interesting happened. The Ravens defense despite being without most of their run stoppers held Pittsburgh in check by means of a goal line stand, muffed punt leading to a touchdown, and several Red zone stops. With the Steelers leading 12-7 at the end of the first half, Baltimore had the chance to, once unthinkable, a lead at halftime against the unbeaten Steelers. They got down to the Pittsburgh 1 as (Ravens ran out of time thanks to failed delay of game penalty on Steelers D) I mean come on officials! The exact same thing happened at the end of the Week 8 game at M&T when Cam Hayward was faking an injury. How do you not stop the clock because of a defensive delay of game or injury, IT’S A SIMPLE TASK FOR CRYING OUT! Just like I said at the previous matchup the NFL wants the narrative of the Steelers going 19-0 and becoming the greatest team of all time despite obvious REFBALL that has been destroying the fan bases of everyone that they have played! PAUSE.
Despite this questionable call the Ravens defense again stood up to the challenge and held The Leader of Men and his 5 wide set out of a potential late game dagger for the moment. RG3 I know you have struggled against BlitzBurg 2.0 all night but give us a sign of victory! CRACK! Oh No, Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! Please don’t tell me we have injuries to our QBs besides COVID! He was trying to outrun the defense but pulled his hamstring and must come out of the game. The good news for us is that Big Ben until an early 4th quarter touchdown pass to JuJu was shut down. The Ravens QB at the moment is (let me look this up) Trace McSorley, a third string QB that was a 6th Round Pick that was a key player for that Penn State team that was robbed of the College Football Playoff in 2016 because of media ratings, and he is one of the most famous people on TikTok. Despite his slow start on his first drive, The internet sensation showed flashes from his Nittany Lion vintage by throwing a 70 yard touchdown, thank Hollywood Brown for his world class speed on that play! All we need to do is stop the Steelers again and a comeback will be ours. OK REFS THE GUY WAS CLEARLY SHORT OF A FIRST DOWN THAT LED TO PITTSBURGH RUNNING OUT THE CLOCK! THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO THE RAVENS EARLIER IN THE SEASON AGAINST THE PATRIOTS, JUST STOP!
Even though they lost you have to give the Ravens a whole lot of credit for nearly knocking off an undefeated team with their backups. In my opinion once everyone comes back this should be the beginning of another deep playoff run. Normally I would be angry after a loss to the Steelers, but considering how well the defense played, Trace McSorley and Hollywood Brown stepped up in Lamar Jackson and Mark Andrews absence. Who knows what this team can do. Thank goodness we have a cakewalk schedule to get us back in playoff mode. If we don’t make the playoffs I have to say it. EVERYONE IS FIRED! That includes Lamar and Wink Martindale. How will the Marylanders have renewed optimism for the holiday season and a playoff run tune in next week to find out on Charm City Beasts! Thank goodness we have everyone back soon and we always play well in December.
Episode 12: vs Cowboys
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! The loss against Pittsburgh last week in many people’s eyes might have caused chaos to their Super Bowl ambitions. Coach Harbaugh said following the loss despite several starters being on the COVID list saying that this team is only getting tougher. He states this with the knowledge that most of his injured or sick players will be back for the stretch run, that includes Action Jackson. He has been involved in the game plan virtually but thanks to what the trainers have said about him he is expected to be back in time for their next game. In other words hope is alive. Despite losing 4 of their last 5 games besides their 2 best run stoppers for most of those games Ravens fans will be delighted to hear that both Calais Campbell and Brandon Williams are likely fully healed from their ankle injuries and both are expected to return for a huge playoff push.
That push begins in another mysterious game. Like last week against the Steelers, the Purple and Black will be playing in the middle of the week again but this time it is on a Tuesday. Their opponent the Dallas Cowboys. A team that has not lived up to the expectations of being a Super Bowl contender thanks to injuries to Dak Prescott and terrible defensive play. Even though Dem Cowboys are 3-8 there is caution to Baltimore. The Ravens are on the outside looking into the playoffs, and everyone that is in front of them in the Wild Card race has won thus making the game a must win battle. Not only that but this is a revenge game for both teams. The Ravens case of revenge is on Andy Dalton for the 4th and 12 in 2017 plus the Hail Mary that didn’t mean a thing in 2013. As for the Boys, their old star receiver in Dez Bryant. He called this game water underneath the Fort McHenry Tunnel. To me this is like Steve Smith vs the Panthers all over again! That is until he tested positive for COVID 2 hours before the game, at least he is ok with watching the game from his rental house in Towson I guess.
As for the game itself it would take a little while for Action Jackson to get adjusted. He threw an interception thanks to a failed pass interference call on the opening drive but it only led to a field goal for Dallas. As soon as the Ravens got the ball back they mounted a solid drive which featured a 14 yard completion to Luke Willson which set up a 4th and 2. Look at Lamar telling Justin Tucker to stay on the sideline and allow him to do his thing. The result worked out as Jackson faked out the entire defense and went untouched for a 37 yard seam ripper into the endzone. Not a bad start but knowing the talent of the Cowboys despite an injured Dak Prescott and O-Line they will always have tricks up their sleeves. Example big return leading to questionable touchdown. The Ravens getting robbed by REFBALL! SHOCKING! Despite the 10-7 deficit Baltimore ran all over the Cowboys on their next possession only to stall inside the 20. JT mouth suctioned and missed a 36 yard attempt DUDE SERIOUSLY WE NEED AS MUCH POINTS AS POSSIBLE! The good news for the Marylanders was that Andy Dalton gave it right back with an interception by the Queen… Which led to a perfect pass from Lamar to Miles Boykin. SEE HE CAN MAKE THE BIG THROWS WHEN HE NEEDS TO! Despite the injury riddled secondary having no match for Dem Cowboys 3 headed receiving attack they do just enough to hold them to 3, but just like what happened to the Ravens, Dallas gets pushed back 5 yards thanks to false start and misses a 40 yarder. (#KARMA!) Despite the score being 17-10 at halftime the Ravens could taste a potential statement on National TV.
They answered the declaration. They went right back to their old ways by running the ball all over the Boys front 7 as they had no answers for JK Dobbins all night long. Then Jackson showed off his houdini type skills by making nothing into something on a cross the field touchdown to Hollywood. (I think Trace McSorley allowed Lamar to get a good report on his No 1 receiver.) Despite the defense being a bit sloppy thanks to quick reads by Andy Dalton the Ravens were getting lucky thanks to Greg Zuerlein missing 3 field goals, thanks to the daunting windy conditions at M&T for that. The good news for the Ravens neighbors in Philly, New York, and DC was that with their 34-17 win they did the honors of knocking Dem Cowboys out of the playoffs.
Cowboys ELIMINATED! (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR!): I know people are going to make excuses about Dak getting injured but let’s be real they weren’t making it in despite how weak their division was early in the season. This may be the most agonizing season in Cowboys History and that’s saying something considering the history of that team. Turns out that hiring Mike McCarthy was a bad idea and Mike Nolan looks cooked. No one feels bad for them!
Anyways this is the kind of game that the Ravens needed to keep up with the playoff powerhouses in the AFC. A statement win that hasn’t been seen since they roughed up the Texans in Week 2. The fun fact about this game was that they won despite not having Mark Andrews, Dez Bryant, Willie Snead, Jimmy Smith, Tramon Williams, and Matt Judon. That’s the Ravens that I know right there. A team that is not afraid to beat the odds of the media. The salt from Skip Bayless, Mike Greenburg, and Stephen A Smith is hilarious. I think it’s time for the Marylander’s take on this one.
Marylander: “So all of you have been worried about us since we were unfairly put in Body Bags by the Police Department of Boston. As we spent a few long weeks being told that we were finished, we committed one of the worst crimes in NFL history. It was the COVID bug! We told the prisoners, Hey NFL! Free us up from the cage so we can crush teams down the stretch! We heard people in that cell talk some silly crap about Lamar Jackson! AND YOU KNOW YOU DON’T TALK CRAP ABOUT LAMAR JACKSON! Because he will silence all those critics that say he can’t throw. Those people shall be sent to the Inner Harbor. And also to tell the work staff at Pickles Pub to serve them on the side of Crabcakes and Ripken Burgers. So we did not receive the elimination sentence by those New England officers. Anyone who doubts this team against Cleveland next week shall be sent to the famous Pit of Misery! Enough with that nonsense next week, for now I will leave you this. SAY IT WITH ME RAVEN’S FLOCK! HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Tune in next week for a special episode of Charm City Beasts!) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Episode 13: at Browns (I was cramping, I didn’t pull a Paul Pierce!)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! A statement in Prime Time on home soil leads to their greatest test yet. Despite the win over a pretend team in the Cowboys the Purple and Black realize that they have greater battles to fight down the stretch. An NFL insider stated on a public form that Dez Bryant’s positive test was a total lie. Even though he was placed on the COVID list they said that it was due to a glitched testing system that caused most of the players that missed the Pittsburgh game to test positive. In the department of Action Jackson he is once again having fun which means good news for Ravens fans and bad news for their opponents. Just like in 2018 he is the centerpiece of any hope that Baltimore has from saving John Harbaugh’s job again. In terms of injuries the only concerns are on Jimmy Smith, and Calais Campbell. Both missed a couple of days of practice but both should be a go come game time. Knowing the injury history of Smith he may be questionable every week but you know he’s fine when it’s a big game. Despite the Ravens still being on the outside looking into the playoffs after the win on Tuesday Night, Chiefs Tight End Travis Kelce believes that the team that Kansas City doesn’t want to face in the playoffs is Baltimore. He stated if their defense is healthy and Lamar turns the clock back to Weeks 9-12 of 2019 they could challenge us for the AFC Title. At least someone outside of the Charm City believes in the Purple and Black.
This next game may be the biggest game of the season for the Ravens. Not only is a playoff spot and potentially Harbaugh and the entire offensive staff’s jobs on the line they now face an adversary that wants their heads in their near empty trophy case. CLEVELAND! Just like in Week 1 the Browns are coming into this game with plenty of optimism and their fanbase and (even though he is injured) OBJ are gloating about how they are going to crush Baltimore once and for all to get payback on Ozzie Newsome and the late Art Modell. This game ironically is on the 25th Anniversary of the Browns last game at Municipal Stadium. All the Marylanders want to see is Big Brother curb stomping Cleveland on their home soil on National TV again!
Like the game against Pittsburgh in Week 8 the serious tone narrator has returned. This matchup of AFC North powers begins with optimism in the Dawg Pound being sky high due to screen passes and play action plays which led to the Browns going down the field for an opening drive touchdown. But here is the thing about the Ravens, they may be masters of shooting themselves in the foot in some games but they also have the ability to play up to great challenges when everyone thinks they’re done. It’s one of the more confusing things about this team over the past 20 years. As Action Jackson needs to make the media once again eat their words he once again is trying to overcome the bad field conditions in Cleveland. The Brownies achilles heel has been exposed! They cannot stop the Ravens high end rushing attack, it turns out that their game plan of forcing Jackson to throw outside the numbers has failed. The answer to Clevelands punch is a counterpunch by means of an opening drive touchdown for Baltimore. Throughout the first half both teams would trade blows and despite the Ravens trying to open up the game it was not surprising to see Cleveland answer the Roman Empire by more play action plays and complimentary REFBALL. Even as the Purple and Black went down the field for a touchdown before the half there was optimism for both sides.
The second half would be as tight as the first half. Action Jackson and Gus the Bus ran right by those Dawgs in route to a 14 point lead. But there is one thing that worries Ravens fans despite the cushion, Baker Mayfield always goes down swinging! Just like in Week 17 of 2018 the Browns offense woke up in the second half and went down the field for a touchdown but luckily missed the extra point. Despite the offense going cold for a drive the defense plucks the Baker and gift wraps JK Dobbins a free touchdown. Despite the Browns getting a hand on the PAT from Tucker the Ravens led by 14, there is only 1 thing that is missing at the moment (CRACK) Action Jackson! He was suffering from leg cramps and was removed from the game, thus Baltimore had to rely on TikTok sensation Trace McSorley to lead them to absolute meh. The Browns took advantage and put up 8 points of their own thanks to more sloppy play from Wink Martindale’s defense. Strangely enough, Action Jackson was still in the locker room and was hurting pretty bad. Some are saying he had a long bathroom break but the real reason is severe cramps. Thus the worst fears of every Ravens fan had come true. They were once again blowing a huge lead in a must win game. People were blaming the field conditions for this one. AREN’T YOU GUYS PROUD! LOOK AT THIS DEFENSE BEND! LOOK AT THEM GIVE UP A BOATLOAD OF YARDS TO A TEAM MISSING THEIR 2 BEST RECEIVERS AND LET THE COCKY QB FROM OKLAHOMA ROAST THEM! They burned 6 minutes of clock on their go ahead touchdown drive with 6 minutes left! HARBAUGH ARE YOU TRYING TO GET EVERYONE FIRED NOW! WHY ISN’T LAMAR IN THE GAME! BOOM! ARE YOU SERIOUS! Now we might have to bring out Sam Koch to be the QB because our 2 active QBs are both injured. WAIT A MINUTE ACTION JACKSON IS BACK ON THE FIELD! (Touchdown to Hollywood Brown on the 4th and 5) HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!! Just when you think this team is done they pull a rabbit out of their hats just in time for the Maryland Festivus! The bad news is that Baker drove the Browns down the field and the Dawg Pound into a frenzy! If this were a regular basis with 80,000 screaming Clevelanders it would be our players saying “MOM IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN” on our sideline! Now Lamar once again has the chance to prove his passing game is no fluke. 5 straight completions will answer that debate. Come my friends and let us pray to the football gods. Heavenly Father please give us the chance to win the game of the year so that we can save our season and plenty of jobs. Give us the swagger we have been lacking since the Ray Lewis and Ed Reed era. We ask for you to allow Justin Tucker to stake his claim as the GOAT of Kickers. AMEN! Gerry Sandusky: “Tucker’s kick is up and it is GOOD! Justin Tucker from 55 yards out, and with 2 seconds left to play the HAY IS IN BARN!” Ravens fans you know what this means, FULL MARYLANDER REACTIVATED!!! (THE RAVENS ARE GOING TO RUN THE TABLE AGAIN!!!) (YES!!!) (OH MY GOD, CRACK UP THE 7 NATION ARMY BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO RULE THE FOOTBALL WORLD AGAIN!!!)
Really Dawg Pound, what do you have to say for yourselves now! All of the chest thumping you guys did this past week on the Today Show and every sports talk show, all of the nonsense about how this was going to be the moment where the Curse of Art Modell would be lifted! Yet we are still in 2018 and 2019. It’s almost identical to those 2 years yet it is somehow even worse. Denzel Ward decided to be an idiot and get injured in practice AGAIN! Cleveland goes into a huge game against their old franchise on National TV and lays a massive egg AGAIN! And the Browns squandered a team that should have beaten the aging Ravens on paper AGAIN! Only this time you had the chance to make Baltimore be on the other side of the 2 longest playoff droughts in all of sports coming to end and lost too. Let’s be honest, was it really worth it? You made strides. You got a potential Big 3 at Wideout once OBJ comes back next year. Your offensive line is one of the best in the NFL. But what happened? The majority of the run game didn’t show up when needed AGAIN! Baker Mayfield played a God against Wink Martindale’s defense but lost AGAIN! THE DEFENSE WAS GARBAGE AGAIN! Miles Garrett was exposed by the Ravens O-Line AGAIN! YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM AT THE END OF THE GAME WAS YOURSELVES AGAIN!!! Remember how you guys owned Bungles in the 1980s, you’re in Cincy’s shoes now! Enough with that talk let’s send it over to the Marylander for his opinion.
Marylander: This game may have been the greatest regular season game in Ravens history if they go on a deep playoff run. My favorite part of the game was when Lamar did his best Michael Jordan impersonation from the 1997 NBA Finals! It was one of the most frantic nights that any Baltimore Sports fan is gonna have. I was yelling at my TV for much of the game because of unfair REFBALL in the Browns favor. This was impossible, THE REFS ARE ALWAYS AGAINST COACH JOHNNY YET WE BEAT THEM TOO! When Justin Tucker walked it off I went out to my 2008 Toyota Highlander and was blasting 7 Nation Army, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Hot in Herre, and The Streets have No Name! LET ME TELL YOU THIS NFL! “RAVENS GOIN TO DA SUPA BOWL!” Narrator: Calm down buddy we still have to win out to make the playoffs again. (Find out if the Ravens can keep it up when Charm City Beasts returns next week!)
Episode 14: vs Jaguars
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! A victory in what is most likely the game of the year has the entire city of Baltimore thinking playoffs even if they don’t control their own destiny. John Harbaugh’s quote after the Browns game that this was one of the greatest games he has ever been a part of. It would be meaningless if the Ravens missed the playoffs all together. Action Jackson told the media following the game that he didn’t pull a Paul Pierce from the 2012 NBA Playoffs when he left in the 4th quarter, he said he had several cramps in his arm, legs, and head. The bad blood from their archrivals in Cleveland continued when Jarvis Landry called Marcus Peters a coward after spitting on him by accident. Peters said that he wasn’t trying to do this because he must have had something stuck in his mouth. The result for this incident was a 12.5K fine by the NFLPA. I mean come on! Landry does this nonsense every game and Cleveland is full of egos across the board! Anyways let’s get to the action.
The Ravens returned home just in time for the Holiday Season for a matchup against the Jacksonville Jaguars. A team that has not won since Opening Day, the only concern for Baltimore is that Gardner Minshew was making his first start in 7 weeks. Early on it would be cautious for Ravens fans. Lamar gave the Jags an opportunity by throwing an interception on the opening drive only for Matt Judon to sack Minshew for a Safety! In fact that was the second time he has been sacked for a safety in M&T Bank Stadium in his career. Action Jackson and the offense took advantage of the 2 points and made it 9-0 on a touchdown catch by Miles Boykin. Despite Jacksonville getting 50/50 balls against the injured Ravens secondary. Then as expected Minshew would get crushed by Patrick Queen on a 4th and medium. Thus led to JK Dobbins and Gus the Bus running all over #Sacksonville on route to 16-0. Then came the moment of truth for Dez Bryant. HE HAS SCORED A TOUCHDOWN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 3 YEARS! (HALLELUJAH!) Anytime a player overcomes his demons from years past and is back to chucking up his world famous X it is a great time.
I think this beatdown of a tanking team is the perfect mojo to get in the playoffs even if we don’t control our own destiny. Avoiding a so-called trap situation and coming out of it with a beatdown victory is one of those games where everyone comes together. You know what time it is because the Marylander is about to talk about Holiday Fun in Ravens terms.
Marylander: Deck the Halls with Minshews Meatballs Fa La La La La La La La La La! This is the style of football that we love to play in December when everyone writes us off. The Ultra Clutch Lamar is back again and he is getting into Holiday Spirits by crushing everyone like Santa does to DC Comic Villains on the naughty list. With 3 straight wins we are back to having all of the fun we want on social media and on the field. Steelers, Bills, and Raiders all we want for Christmas is for you to beat the Colts, Browns, or Dolphins! The playoffs would look so bad like in 2017 if we miss out! Everyone is now going to want Cleveland to win the division even though we have beat them twice. WHO CARES WE ARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! Narrator: Calm down, we still need to beat New York and the Bungals. Anyways next week on Charm City Beasts will be the Ravens heckling Giants fans about Super Bowl XXXV. Stay tuned.
Episode 15: vs Giants (Plus we got help for the playoffs!)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! A moment of excitement and hope for all Marylanders! Please just let me have this moment ok! The Ravens controlled and strangled Big Blue on both sides of the ball but I have to say one thing to New York, Thank You! Thank You for your God Awful offensive play calling, Thank You for not being able to stop Mark Andrews if your lives depended on it, Thank You for treating your defense as the best in the NFL! Oh I wonder what you’re doing if you can’t contain Lamar Jackson all game it sure won’t get you where you want to be! The Giants have lost 3 straight and are once again needing help to get in the playoffs. I would say the City that Never Sleeps is sleeping but they still have a chance at the NFC East. Everyone on their team missed it like Daniel Jones did with his abilities to avoid Baltimore’s pass rush! Who in the world needs Ingram when JK Dobbins is owning everyone like a boss anyways. Although the drama of Week 17 is coming at least I have a holiday weekend to remember. Even if the voice of the Ravens Gerry Sandusky and Coach Harbaugh lost their voices during the game screaming from the booth or sidelines and we looked sloppy in the 4th quarter. Thank the Gods we control our own destiny next week with the Colts and Browns losses!
Episode 16: at Bengals ( Prepare the TikTok Celebrations!)
Tonight on Charm City Beasts! Another statement win against a playoff caliber opponent leads the team in control of their own destiny for the first time in a month. Despite the defense recording 11 sacks in 2 games defensive coordinator Wink Martindale states that the pass rush can be much better in the playoffs if they get there. From the way they have been playing as of late look out. With wins in each of the last 4 games many of the pundits who were doubting them back in November were praising the turnaround led by Harbs himself. They said that of the Wild Card teams in either conference the Ravens are the one that no one wants to face. I think we have heard that quote many times over the past 13 years. The only concern for the week was punter Sam Koch being placed on the COVID list thus ending his franchise record for consecutive games played. The good news is that Eric DeCosta was quick on this announcement so he brought in Johnny Townsend to be the punter in this crucial game.
The big dilemma that the players would be facing this week was how were they going to celebrate the New Year. On a regular basis many of them would be in clubs or bars, but thanks to COVID protocols and already having a huge outbreak early in the season, Coach Harbaugh insisted in a private meeting with several of the captains that if they were to hang out that Thursday Night it would be at the players’ houses. Thus the boys would either hang out at several of the players’ houses as well as Coach Harbaugh’s. If you couldn’t tell, most of the players went to hang out with L-Freaky. The evening was typical fun for the team. Eat some pizza, have a few drinks, play some Madden, and shoot off some fireworks at Midnight. But the real fun for these internet sensations came during the Midnight-1AM hour especially for Lamar’s side of the clan. Because on ABC and NBC’s NYE broadcast 3 different TikTok stars would be performing in that hour thus convincing the boys to have a DanceOff which happened to take place at numerous different locations because of COVID protocols so they decided to FaceTime each other. Despite the dances Corvette Corvette (TAKE THAT JUJU!), the Renegade Dance,Savage Love, Say So as well as others. (Fun fact only 2 of those dances were even performed live), the real winner was YES Action Jackson! He beat out the Humphrey Household, Matt Judon, Mark Ingram and several other players and got each of the households on the FaceTime call into laughs and excitement. No wonder he took the gold! He was claimed Team MVP for the second year in a row and is a hilarious person to follow on Social Media. As long as they save some energy for Sunday they should be fine. Due to the importance of this game we are being joined by the Voice of the Christmas Story from the Church of Nativity in Timonium MD. Let’s hear him do his best version of the Story of Week 17.
Storyteller: (Opening Organ in U2s “Where The Streets Have No Name” playing in the background) “The 3rd Day of January in the 2021st year since the inception of the Lord. The 17th Week of the 101st Season of the NFL has come down to the wire. The 16th and final game of the 25th season of Ravens football includes a potential exorcism of demons. The 1st Meeting between them and Cincinnati in a Week 17 game since the 4th and 12 which is considered undiscussable in Baltimore and Harford Counties. The 50th all-time matchup between the Boys in Purple and their division rivals from the Queen City. The 21st Time that they will be squaring off inside Paul Brown Stadium. Hope, and all things good springs throughout the city of Baltimore. A win this week would put them in the playoffs for the 3rd consecutive year. Despite the Bungals trying to play spoiler again this is a completely different Ravens team from the one that choked 3 years ago. This is the Story of Week 17 according to the will of God!”
Ravens P.A. Man (Bruce Cunningham or Greg Davis): “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! HERE COME THE RAVENS!!!”
The good news for us is that most of the fans that are at this game are either Ravens fans, hometowners from Cincy or Lamar bandwagoners from his days at Louisville. So it sort of feels like being at M&T despite enduring the confines of the Jungle. Despite the Ravens controlling their own destiny, Bengals LB Germaine Pratt tweeted that they will end Baltimore’s season on Sunday. I mean come on, Bungals! If you’re going to give your opponent more motivation for an upcoming game you cannot say stuff like this. IT’S ONLY GOING TO MAKE THE OTHER TEAM MORE FIRED UP AND HARBAUGH LOVES PUTTING OPPONENTS ON A POSTER!!!
The beginning of the game would be classic Bungals. They completed a 40 yard pass to Tee Higgins only for it to be called back for offensive pass interference. In what would become endless humiliation for the entire city of Cincinnati their achilles heel was exposed. Their defense is totally weak. Lamar Jackson as usual had a field day against their secondary by means of throwing for 3 touchdowns. In other news he became the 1st QB in NFL history to rush for 1000 yards in back-back seasons. The defense was just as dominant, highlighted by the return of Marcus Peters Baltimore gave up only 2 first downs in the 1st Half alone. But the main reason Baltimore dominated the Bungals was on the ground. Led by JK Dobbins 160 yards and 2 TDs (Look at the Stiff Arm on Pratt, HE LOVES IT NOW!) plus Mr Big Truss himself and Gus the Bus the Ravens ran for a franchise record 404 yards. With this victory it is official, the Ravens are having a Festivus for the rest of us.
Ravens QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): From 6-5 and all of Baltimore calling for Harbaugh and Greg Romans heads to winning 5 straight and returning to the playoffs. Just like 2000 and 2012 they have the expectations of being the underdogs but can they live up to the hype of their fanbase! I hope so.
Thank goodness we will have playoff football to witness this year. I know that we probably won’t get a game at M&T Bank Stadium this January. At least we are going back to our old ways of winning on the road in the playoffs. I wonder who we will be facing in the 1st Round? BOOM! THE TENNESSEE TITANS! This is the game that everyone in the state of Maryland has been waiting for, the chance to vanish Derrick Bleeping Henry once and for all and humiliate them like in 2000 and 2008! Lamar and Greg Roman get the chance to overcome last year’s disaster and bring new life to Baltimore. Now unlike Week 11 we are fully healthy on defense and the offense looks primed to make some noise. Find out next week on Charm City Beasts! THIS TEAM IS SO FUN!!!
Playoff Prologue
Baltimore Ravens: It’s time once again for the Insufferable “Maryland Festivus!” This year’s edition comes with a 6-5 start only for them to turn back the clock to last November and win 5 straight going into the playoffs. If there is one thing I underestimated about the Ravens was their ability to rally in hard times. Despite the COVID outbreak and 3 game losing streak in the middle of the season Lamar Jackson has been given new life and JK Dobbins has emerged as their next great Running Back. Plus they have even more weapons on offense thanks to an impact acquisition in Dez Bryant to help guide their inexperienced receiver core. You may think this team is full of choke artists, their style of play isn’t built for the playoffs, and John Harbaugh isn’t the same coach as he was in the Ray Lewis era. You might be right but here is the thing, YOU ONLY NEED 4 GAMES!!! As long as the defense plays up to their potential they have a shot. Let me put it this way, They are either going back to the Super Bowl or Lamar and Greg Roman will seal their choking reputations with a 1 and done for the 3rd year in row. Just pull off the unthinkable please!
Episode 17: at Titans (It’s Payback Time!)
Tonight on a special episode of CHARM CITY BEASTS! The victory in Cincinnati ensures that Ravens fans will have their playoff Festivus. Many players have been saying that the playoffs for them have begun long before this upcoming weekend. In the words of Mark Andrews, the playoffs have been going on for us since the Tuesday Night game against Dallas. Ever since that game there has been very little drama coming out of the organization and not a single player has tested positive since. The good news for Ravens fans is that Sam Koch did not test positive during the Holiday Season and is expected to return to action this Sunday, he says that “I was bummed that my consecutive games streak ended, but it’s good to be back to full strength.” This week the media’s main focus as expected by everyone in the area has centered around Action Jackson, and the Roman Empire. Both of them were being criticized during the week for overlooking their opponents in the playoffs last year, and have been discussed about the possibility of a 3rd 1-done. Jackson quoted that the team was not overlooking their opponents this year despite being on the road in Round 1. Roman stated that if we maintain our punishing gameplan of punching teams in the mouth we will be hard to beat.
In this week’s Wild Card Game Baltimore is playing with all hands on deck. Not only is their unbeaten record in Road 1st Round games at stake they get to face perhaps their most hated rival outside of Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and New England. DERRICK BLEEPING HENRY AND THE TENNESSEE TITANS! The salt from last year’s game plus Tennessee’s incident of trash talking at Harbaugh on the Ravens midfield shield is in the minds of everyone in the Baltimore Area. 2 games that were ripped from the Ravens thanks to terrible play calling (Both games) and unfair officiating (2nd game to be exact.) The Boys in Purple are entering Nissan Stadium which hasn’t hosted a playoff game since 2008. In that game the Ravens defense stopped the Titans 5 times inside Baltimore’s 30 yard line, not to mention Todd Heap and Matt Stover buried Jeff Fisher’s hopes at winning a Super Bowl, (Titans fans still think Joe Flacco should have been called for delay of game seconds before the Heap 3rd and 10 completion!) The atmosphere of 15000 fans according to Titans fans on Social Media will be ruckus but they do need to realize that there will be plenty of Ravens fans in Nashville that are going down I-70 from Pikesville MD. As John Harbaugh said this week “Here come the men that the Bachelorette Capital of America loves to HATE!” What he is saying is that we will crash their playoff party this weekend! (WAIT ISN’T THIS THE BANK WE ROBBED! BOOM!!! HAHAHAHA! THE TITANS!)
This requires a serious tone of a narrator once again, this matchup of heavyweights and equally matched squads begins with blows a plenty. After both teams traded 3 and outs the Titans just like last year scored a touchdown on their 2nd possession of the game (REFBALL? IDK.) In what felt like a repeat of that game Lamar gave Tennessee the chance at another 14-0 lead with an INT on a bad throw. The good news for Marylanders is that King Henry was stacked up by the MonStars for 3 straight plays thus leading to a field goal. But unlike the 2 recent playoff losses Action Jackson was not going to panic, anchored by several completions on key 3rd downs on their next drive the Ravens had their first solid period with the ball despite only getting a field goal. The good news was that the Titans O-Line got scorched yet again leading to a 3 and out. Despite Mike Vrabel’s crafty blitzes to expose Jackson he finally got away from one, thus resulting in the first touchdown that the Ravens have scored against Tennessee in 8 playoff quarters. With the game tied at 10 at halftime all the Marylanders could smell the blood of #TITANUP!
BOOM! Just like in the final 5 games of the regular season, the Roman Empire unleashed the punishing ground game as well as Hollywood Brown making clutch catches. Despite Tennessee trying to make adjustments on that same drive JK Dobbins was able to punch it in from 4 yards out to take the lead. Now the game is in the hands of the defense. After another solid defensive stand Baltimore had the chance at doomsday, instead they stalled and had to punt the ball back. Luckily for Ravens fans despite a roughing the passer call resulting in a 35 yard gain for the Titans, the MonStars stopped King Henry yet again. 3 touches, -1 yard on those 3 plays. With the score now 17-13 the Ravens mounted another solid drive but had to settle for a field goal. “Tucker’s kick is hooking and misses it to the right!” Well the wind knocked that down on that one, the good news is that King Henry was once again stuffed and Ryan Tannehill’s efforts to carry his team had no answers for the Ravens secondary. Once again Tennessee was looking to keep themselves within 4 points but Action Jackson and Hollywood torched the defense yet again. Despite coming up just short on a 3rd and 1 and “WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING FOR IT UP BY 4 WITH 4 MINUTES LEFT! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ROMAN FIRED!?” Oh thank goodness you converted it BEEP “Pass interference offense #83” I won’t rip the refs that hard because Willie Snead used his shoulder to create space for JK to get open. But they did get points thanks to Tucker atoning for his earlier miss. All the Ravens need to do is stop Tannehill and Public Enemy #1 once and for all. “Tannehill to throw, he throws it downfield (HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!) INTERCEPTED BY MARCUS PETERS!” Once again Titans fans are complaining about officials, it’s like they haven’t learned from 2000, and 2008 at all. Marylander: NIGHT NIGHT KING HENRY!!! THAT’S WHAT WE CALL THE RAVENS GOING TO DA SUPA BOWL!!! Narrator: Calm down buddy we have to face one of the Top 2 seeds next weekend.
This is karma for all of Nashville on how they were treating Ravens fans last January and in Week 11. Remember how you guys called Wink Martindale and the Ravens secondary Derrick Henry’s kids, well guess what you guys are the kids of Ray Lewis! You guys also claimed that you owned us too, well now you’re 0-3 against us in home playoff games! I can safely say that Nissan Stadium is the property of Steve Bisciotti, Dick Cass, Ozzie Newsome, and Eric DeCosta. All I kept hearing from Titans fans all this week was how the Ravens had such a soft defense. They are no match for Derrick Henry, they all said, Baltimore was going to get killed. Did any of you not see not see 2000 and 2008? How we stopped Eddie George and CJ2K before him. Did nobody panic when the Packers controlled the King’s powers in Week 16. But they have Lamar Jackson, HE’S A CHOKE ARTIST, HE CAN’T THROW! HE CAN’T WIN A PLAYOFF GAME! Guess what guys he beat you with his arm and his legs. All you Homers from the Music City care about your narratives about how King Henry is this invincible player that cannot be stopped by anyone! And I just love the fact that our guys stomped all over the midfield logo. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR TRASH TALKING US ALL YEAR!!!
For the 1st time in what seems like forever the Ravens have won a playoff game. And as John Harbaugh said after the game and in years past “It’s never pretty, it’s never perfect, BUT IT IS US!” This sounds like the team that overcomes the doubters en route to a chance at a 3rd Lombardi in 20 years. So who are we playing next weekend? BOOM! (THE BUFFALO BILLS!) Oh my goodness we get a primetime game next week in front of a Saturday Night audience in front of a rabid BillsMafia. Because just like last year the TV networks want us in the playoff spotlight, Prepare for endless snow and cold weather next week as the Ravens head north. Tune in next week for Charm City Beasts FROM MOTHER NATURE!
Episode 18: at Bills (Don’t do this to me!)
Tonight on CHARM CITY BEASTS! The statement win against their old foe in Tennessee leads to their biggest test yet! Despite the Ravens getting the 6 year playoff monkey off of their backs the Road to Tampa has gotten even tougher for their players. With potential snow in the forecast this weekend several players like Bradley Bozeman and Chuck Clark reached out to the media this week saying that they have never played in the snow. Oh yes another one of those guys that hasn’t played in the snow happens to be Action Jackson, he claims that the only time he has played in the snow was a snowball fight at Louisville. (If Harbaugh was smart last year before the Titans game then he would have had experience.) Also the haters went from saying that Lamar can’t win a playoff game to he can’t win a Super Bowl. I mean how many times are you going to tell him that he’s too good to be doubted? (Also didn’t he download Mike Jones newest album this week too.) The same can also be said about Marcus Peters who has been in a social media conflict between him and several Bills fans, the reasoning was drinking a chug of beer after he swatted their comeback hopes in Week 14 of 2019. In my opinion CLASS A act by them.
Just like last week the Ravens have to go on the road in the playoffs to face another cocky fanbase in the infamous BillsMafia. All of their fans have been all but handing Buffalo the Lombardi Trophy. They have claimed that their receiver corp is unstoppable and that Josh Allen is the best QB in the NFL. Let’s be real, they haven’t made the AFC Championship Game since 1993, and still have the Buffalo McKinley Curse (Which insists that since the assassination of President William McKinley in 1901 at the Worlds Fair which was in Buffalo, that city has failed every time it has taken the Nation’s centerstage ever since.) This matchup is full of star contrasts. The Old School Perennial Powerhouse from Baltimore vs the Insufferable Flashy Squad in Buffalo. Which means a franchise that is one of the most spoiled vs one of the most cursed franchises in the game. The Ravens are entering the NFLs Arctic Circle where a ruckus Ralph Wilson Stadium is out for anything that is Purple and Black or Lamar Jackson.
This, like almost every game for the last few weeks, involves a serious tone. This matchup of Pass and Run Heavy teams in front of a National TV Saturday Night audience begins with both teams trying to gain control. The Ravens right on schedule went down the field and got deep into Bills territory, the bad news is that the offensive line gave up a 12 yard sack but at least got back into field goal range. “Tucker’s kick is OH IT HITS THE UPRIGHTS!” The good news for the defense is that they were able to give the offense the ball back. But this time the run game was stopped by Buffalo and their crafty blitzes. “Koch WHIFTS THE PUNT AND IT GOES OUT AT THE 40 YARD LINE OF BALTIMORE!” I mean dude what is happening to the Wolfpack? Well they weren’t expecting gusting winds of 30 MPH to hit them during the game. Anyways despite the Bills making it to the rezone they almost missed their field goal too. Trailing 3 nothing Action Jackson overcame at one point a 2nd and 33 to get them back into field goal range. Let’s see if J.T. can overcome his earlier miss. BOOM! ARE YOU KIDDING ME TUCKER YOUR JOB IS TO KICK THE FOOTBALL THROUGH THE DARN UPRIGHTS! HOW ARE TURNING INTO BILLY CONDIFF!!! PAUSE. Despite that play that shall not be discussed the Bills drove to the Ravens 28 but they too can’t make field goals in the horrible wind. Luckily Tucker made one right before the half to make it 3-3. But once again his bad night would continue as he kicked the ball out of bounds thus resulting in Buffalo getting the ball at the 40 yard line. That was the advantage Josh Allen would need as the Bills finally were able to score a touchdown against the vaunted Baltimore defense. It’s ok though because Action Jackson and Hollywood are once again putting together another solid drive, This time they got into the red zone with a chance to tie the game. As long as we don’t shoot ourselves in the foot again we have a chance. You may think that we will get stopped but we see the glories of (Taron Johnson Pick6 and Lamar Concussion)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (The Narrator/Marylander is dealing with a panic attack and cannot be able to speak, please try again later)
Well there goes any optimism this city has for another Super Bowl. The sad part about this is just like the Titans game last year they didn’t score a touchdown in a Saturday Night Primetime game in the 2nd Round. I thought this team was different, I thought they were mentally tough and could overcome anything that came their way. At least they are confident for next season I guess. Well, let me get an explanation for this game.
Lamar, listen to me. Don’t listen to the media and let them trash you. You are too likeable of a guy to do that. Honestly I can safely say that yes he may struggle in big games but let’s be real. This game wasn’t even his fault. He did everything he could to win yet just got robbed. I know people are going to say that he can’t throw and they will likely say that Derrick Henry the Bills defense threw and scored more touchdowns than the Ravens did in each of the playoff games that they recently lost. Even Tom Brady, Peyton Manning or Patrick Mahomes would have made the read he did on that Pick6 that killed off our comeback hopes. Don’t worry buddy the guy you replaced in Joe Flacco went through this as well and you just need to learn from it. Too bad his season ended with the Madden Curse. PAUSE
Greg Roman needs to be and should have been fired after last year’s game against the Titans! I mean everyone is going to say that Lamar is a choker but let’s be real. Roman has choked in the playoffs everywhere he has been. During his career as a QB coach and OC he has lost 6 Conference Championships and Super Bowls XXXIX, and XLVII. He can’t adjust to opposing teams defenses, he goes into panic mode whenever they are trailing, and he just can’t design trick plays that actually work. It makes sense since that was the case he had with Donovan McNabb, Michael Vick, Colin Kaepernick, and Tyrod Taylor. To me he is falling into the same traps that Jim Fassell did in 2006, and Cam Cameron in 2011 not to mention the infamous Marty Moringweig in 2018. Don’t worry Roman, Harbaugh will keep you around because of loyalty. At least he was a key reason for why we even made the playoffs. PAUSE
This was one of the WORST Offensive Line performances I have ever seen this team have in the years that I have been a Ravens fan. I know that Marshal Yanda retired, Ronnie Stanley and Nick Boyle were out for the season, plus they had to play guys out of position but let me ask you this. Can Patrick Mekari ever show up in a playoff game? Last year he gave up 3 sacks to the Titans and this year he had 6 bad snaps, one which led to Lamar getting knocked out of the game. Not to mention they gave up a franchise playoff record 8 sacks. Luckily we don’t pick until 27 which means we probably get another center and Stanley will be back at LT, Orlando Brown Jr will be at RT again, and Tyre Phillips will be at RG. At least that’s the good news. I’m guessing that they are trading their 1st Round Pick for Julio Jones. PAUSE
John Harbaugh if I were to criticize some of your actions this year I don’t know where to start. You epitomize this team as a whole, NOTHING BUT TALK! Talk all of the nonsense you want about the Chiefs but do you want to know something, THEY HAVE A CULTURE! They wouldn’t accept any of the nonsense you let your players do on Social Media during practice. Remember how everyone was saying that Earl Thomas got himself out of town with some of the actions he did? Who was at fault, THE PLAYER OR THE HEAD COACH!? This game against the Bills was one of the few times that he has been beaten at his own game which is Special Teams and the Offensive Line. Look at some of the excuses that he made about the crowd noise in Buffalo and the wind. Why weren’t you aware of that this week! I mean look at him in the playoffs since the Super Bowl in 2012. 3 wins in 8 years, and those were to a Broncos team with a Backup QB, (Brock Osweiller) a Steelers team without Le’Veon Bell, and a Titans team missing half of their defense. This would get plenty of coaches fired but not under Steve Bisciotti. He dealt with Brian Billick and his QB carousel during the mid 2000s and now we are likely dealing with this. Don’t worry Harbs you are the main reason that this team went as far as they did despite the odds they faced over Thanksgiving with all of the COVID cases. I’m proud of you! PAUSE.
Out of all of the players that would cost us the last 2 would figure out to be Justin Tucker and Sam Koch. For Tucker this isn’t just the 2 field goals that hit the uprights Saturday Night. Since the 2018 Wild Card game against the Chargers he has missed a field goal in a record tying 4 straight playoff games. Plus Koch never shanks 2 punts in a game let alone 1. I know it’s hard to admit this but those 2 plus Morgan Cox are each in their 30s and are starting to decline. But to be honest, where would Harbaugh and Ozzie Newsome be if it weren’t for those 3 during the 2013, and 2015-17 seasons. Thank goodness they are still going to be huge assets of the team going forward even if Koch gets close to retirement. PAUSE.
I was not going to rip the Ravens hard unlike last year because of what they did to even get to this point. A 6-5 record going into December with perhaps the biggest COVID outbreak in all of sports should have resulted in most of the coaching staff getting fired and going from 14-2 in 2019 to missing the playoffs in 2020. The one thing I was impressed with despite the loss against Buffalo was how much they wanted to get back in the same spot that they were just in when they lost. This is a well run organization that encourages every player or employee to be at their best even if things go wrong for them. Even if I got fresh material for this series almost every week I can say that the first season of Charm City Beasts was a true success. Even if there was drama at some point and a typical Ravens ending to a season unlike in 2000 and 2012 they never gave up. Thank goodness despite losing Mark Ingram Willie Snead as well as a few others we will have enough Cap Space to bring in either Allen Robinson or Kenny Golladay as the #1 Wide Receiver, draft the Center of the Future, and bring back either Yannick Ngakoue or Matt Judon. It will be a few weeks until the Season 1 finale but at least I can have some peace and calmness until Free Agency begins. Go Ravens!
Playoff Aftermath
Baltimore Ravens: Despite the 5 game winning streak to end the regular season and getting the playoff monkey off of their backs I knew this was coming. I can’t even fault myself for this, the Ravens just ran out of gas. The moment that Justin Tucker hit the uprights for the 2nd time was when I knew they would lose. Even if Lamar didn’t throw a Flacco-esk Pick6 (Taron Johnson = Troy Polamalu) to kill off Baltimore’s comeback hopes or get a concussion I think they would have lost anyway. I will say that this was perhaps the worst offensive line performance in Ravens history. When you give up 8 sacks or have 6 bad snaps there is no way you can recover from that. Thank goodness they could get a certain Big Game Receiver from Chicago or Detroit. It would be nice for Lamar to have another solid wideout to throw to. Why can’t my teams make it past the 2nd Round of the Playoffs!?
Episode 19: The Offseason Begins
Today on Charm City Beasts! An all in effort of a 3rd Super Bowl Championship comes up just short despite their return to contention status at the end of the year. Several questions regarding the Roman Empire’s future plus the need to upgrade the receiver core and offensive line. GM Eric DeCosta stated that “yes, this is the main focus this offseason, but we are trying to upgrade at almost every position because we think it gives us a chance to win.” A forward thinking GM if I’d say so myself. The unfortunate news for Ravens fans despite his leadership and early impact on the team in 2019 Mark Ingram will not be back in 2021. Considering the Ravens Running Back room is only getting stronger it’s honestly for the best. (May all Marylanders do the 21 Big Truss Salute in his honor) The next concern would be Orlando Brown Jr, he has wanted to be a left tackle since High School but the issue that the Ravens have is that Ronnie Stanley was signed to the biggest contract that a LT has ever gotten back in October. If the Ravens were to trade him they would have to get a first round pick back at minimum. (or the other teams best receiver in that trade) Part of the reason Baltimore was eliminated in the 2nd Round yet again was because the special teams unit and offensive line were beaten at its own game. John Harbaugh has claimed that “we are likely to address that in the draft considering how many middle round offensive lineman that we have developed.” The special teams unit did suffer a huge blow, Morgan Cox the long time long snapper of the team retired this offseason. I’m surprised that he retired before Sam Koch did, but since Harbaugh is a special teams genius he will get his act together in that department.
With almost 20 million dollars in cap space this offseason (which is usual by Ravens standards) the biggest question on defense is do they use the franchise tag on Yannick Ngakoue or Matt Judon, or they could let go of the 2 pass rushers who are considered underachievers by the rest of the NFL. When the deadline passed neither of them were tagged. If they had tagged one of them the only way Baltimore gets a big game wide receiver is in the trade block. (They don’t pick until 27 and don’t talk to Julio too early like you guys did with DeAndre Hopkins) On the D-Line Derek Wolfe is the only one thats a free agent in the starting lineup but considering how Justin Madabuike played extremely well in the 2nd Half last year and he probably will be taking his place. Or they could (according to NFL Network) steal JJ Watt from Cleveland or Pittsburgh. (Scratch that he went to Arizona.) One of the biggest concerns this offseason is over Action Jackson and Mark Andrews. Both are free agents after 2021 and both are likely going to get paid rich contracts. (thank goodness we have almost 50 million in cap space next year at minimum) Knowing what they did with Joe Flacco they will let Jackson play out his 5th year option and give him a nice contract but not as big as you’d think. With Andrews the same applies but he probably will get the franchise tag next year. The Ravens do however their eyes on 3 of the biggest names on the free agent market and they all fill a huge need at wide receiver. Marquise Brown is definitely getting better considering how he played down the stretch but they need someone to take the pressure off of him, Andrews, JK Dobbins, Gus Edwards and Nick Boyle (thank goodness he will be back by training camp!) Those 3 are Allen Robinson, (A big body receiver who has been dying to play with an elite QB and would be the first big body receiver that the Ravens have acquired since Anquan Boldin in 2010.) Chris Godwin, (One of the most underrated weapons on a Buccaneers team that just won the Super Bowl but could have trouble becoming a #1 receiver right away.) and Kenny Golladay. (Another big body receiver who also wants to play with a Top 10 QB and has tremendous value in run blocking.) If there is one thing we know about Eric DeCosta, he is not afraid to make a huge splash in free agency or in a trade. However Robinson and Godwin were placed on the franchise tags by their teams so the likelihood of getting a marquee receiver in free agency is now dim. Part of the reason Baltimore could be a marquee place for talented receivers this offseason is that they hired 2 old pros to coach the passing game and receiver core. The reasoning for this was that David Culley, their receivers coach and passing game coordinator, became the HEAD COACH OF THE TEXANS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Marylander: Have fun being trapped Deshawn Watson!) PAUSE.
Like I was saying, first off they hired Tee Martin who was a huge reason for USC’s success in 2015 and 2016. Not to mention he was a QB that was taken ahead of Tom Brady in the 2000 NFL Draft. Next they hired Keith Williams to join Martin in developing the passing game. (He was a huge reason for KCs success in 2019) Both of these coaches should have an immediate impact on the young receivers. On defense, 2 of their up and coming coaches were headed for Jacksonville to be under the wing of Urban Meyer. Thus the Ravens hired 2 old buddies from the mid 2000s, Anthony Weaver to coach the D-Line, (Played in Baltimore from 2002-2005) and Rob Ryan to coach the Linebackers. (Brother of former Ravens DC Rex Ryan) If there’s anything those 2 moves have shown us it’s that Steve Bisciotti is going for total nostalgia. Back to the receiver department it is unlikely that they will get one of the big 3 but there is another big receiver on the market that would draw interest from the players. JuJu Smith Schuster, despite being an internet sensation thanks to his TikTok trends (Him, Lamar, and Trace McSorley on the same team YIKES!) and his abilities to be a big body receiver he is unlikely to resign with Pittsburgh thanks to those Yinzers being slammed up against the Cap. If he signs with the Ravens it would be Rod Woodson 2.0 in the eyes of the fans. (Just back up your TikTok stuff with talent.) The fact that this team has a boatload of TikTok stars and they could get perhaps the biggest one in the league is fascinating. (Marylander: Johnny be prepared for the weekly nonsense) Speaking of one of them Marlon Humphrey has been chasing trends on Social Media while enjoying his new $100 Million contract. Not only does “Fruit Punch” have the fortune of having an internet famous cat named “Snowflake,” he has been playing “Celebrity Crush” on Twitter as well. (As long as he stays away from the Kardashians he’s fine) His latest move is going after Zendaya, the girl that beat Jacoby Jones in the 2013 Dancing with the Stars Finale, ok. But also he is good friends with VICTORIA JUSTICE (DRAMATIC MUSIC!) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT IS SUCH NONSENSE! (Marylander: Well Marlo is chasing the 2 most popular female actors… IN 2012!!! Because like most Ravens fans he is still living in that year!) PAUSE.
Sorry I’m in the mood for a bunch of laughs ok. Anyways, as I was about to point out, JuJu plus another former rival in Marvin Jones plus the guy that caught the “Jump Pass” in Corey Davis. (Marylander: Really EDC, you just want our fans to have PTSD from the Saturday Night Massacre on Russell Street.) Also there are rumors that the Ravens will get a Safety with their 1st Round Pick despite the need for a center or pass rusher. (Anytime you make rumors that don’t make sense to this organization they laugh in your face.) Find out about all these controversies when Charm City Beasts hits the free agency frenzy stay tuned.
Episode 20: The Free Agent Frenzy (Don’t mess it up)
Today on Charm City Beasts! The free agency saga takes on a massive plot twist after the recent events that have occurred. The Ravens were searching for a #1 receiver and pass rusher but it would take a serious effort to bring them to Baltimore. GM Eric DeCosta claimed that “he would do everything and then some to try and get a marquee receiver to come to the Ravens.” This is unsurprising to everyone who looks at his resume. The pass rusher department may have taken a hit since Matt Judon and Yannick Ngakoue signed with other AFC teams but bringing back Tyus Bowser and Pernell McPhee was a must. (Fun fact Bowser had a better season than Judon and Ngakoue and McPhee was the main reason King Henry was stuffed.) Also they brought back Derek Wolfe at a price that was rather reasonable. The must get signing of the offseason was bringing in Former Browns guard Kevin Zeitler, the Ravens have always had a pulling guard on either the left or right side with an accomplished background (Examples: Mike Flynn, Edwin Mulitalo, Ben Grubbs, Kelechi Osemele, Marshal Yanda, and Bradley Bozeman.) and Zeitler is a perfect fit for their run first offense. Which leads us back to the receiver core. What are the results? Kenny Golladay: 1,2,3 STRIKES YOU’RE OUT! JuJu Smith Schuster: 1,2,3 STRIKES YOU’RE OUT! TY Hilton: 1,2,3 STRIKES YOU’RE OUT! Once again the Ravens failed to get a big game Wide Receiver! Many are saying that receivers don’t come to Baltimore because they would have to block in the Ravens run first offense. This isn’t the first time in franchise history that this has been the case. Marylander, give us a history lesson.
Marylander: When Brian Billick was the head coach, he changed his starting QB every year from 1999-2007. Part of the reason the Ravens had mediocre QBs during that period was because no receiver wanted to block for Priest Holmes or Jamal Lewis. The only receivers that came to town that had plenty of talent in that span were Shannon Sharpe, and Derrick Mason. The main reason Terrell Owens signed with the Eagles instead of the Ravens in 2004 was because he wanted to have more of a role as a receiver than as a blocker. The same applied for Marvin Harrison in 2001. In the terms of Keyshawn Johnson “Just give me the damn ball!” Narrator: Hold on one second, the receivers don’t want to come here because they want to go to a place where the QB has to only throw to them. Marylander: Yes we get it, can you excuse me for a second, “WHYYYYYYYY!” (The insufferable Marylander wants that Trophy so bad!) PAUSE.
So with that being said the only receivers the Ravens could chase are ones on the cheap price. The example for this case was Sammy Watkins, an underrated receiver who thrived in Kansas City especially in the playoffs when he was healthy. (His receiver coach in KC is now in Baltimore that too) It wasn’t the best signing but getting a player with big game experience and a high catch radius at 1 year and 6 million a year was a reach but time will tell with that story. The common reaction outside of the city on this signing was that the Ravens clearly don’t want to fix the passing game. The real wrath of the media according to fanboys across the NFL and the ESPN subscribers should be on Action Jackson. Lamar has been quiet in terms of his internet antics but was angry that the front office wasn’t able to get him a legit top-flight receiver in his prime. But he has made it clear that they need to get either AB, Julio, or a star wideout in the 1st Round of the Draft. (LJ wants a Super Bowl badly!) With him understanding the concerns of receivers not signing in Baltimore because of potential assignments in the run blocking department he feels that DeCosta should draft another young receiver and have him develop from within.
With Judon and Ngakoue gone, the front office has chosen the approach of adding a pass rusher in free agency instead potentially taking a risk on getting WR Antonio Brown to go along with Watkins. The 3 names that were linked with them were Justin Houston, (Former All-Pro in Kansas City and had issues in the Colts system despite age getting to him.) Jadeveon Clowney, (Linked to the Ravens in 2020 only to sign with Tennessee thanks to the NFLPA disapproving Jacksonville signing him and then trading him to Baltimore within the day, also a former #1 pick.) and Melvin Ingram. (All-Pro in 2017-2019 only to miss the majority of 2020 due to injury.) With one of the 3 names if not 2 of them coming to Baltimore, Wink Martindale should have plenty of new tricks up his sleeves.
In terms of the ESPN vs Lamar Civil War, the team like most of Charm City would have chosen to back Action Jackson. Team president Dick Cass has claimed that LJ is a forward thinking QB who is doing everything he can to bring receiving talents to Baltimore and trying to capture the Super Bowl that he has dreamed about since he was drafted. Lamar reached out to him, Ozzie Newsome, plus EDC and said that “I want as many weapons with some semblance of talent that you can find.” Dez Bryant also tweeted that the “Lamar Hate” hate gone way too far. Let’s be real Dez, most of the people doubting him are members of the Dawg Pound who are jealous of the Ravens supremacy over Cleveland. (I KNEW IT!) Thus leads us to the Roman Empire being called out by former assistant David Culley for saying that he never did anything creative in the playoff loss to the Bills and never adjusted. Roman stated that he tried to run a few trick plays yet either Lamar or JK was stopped each time. (Marylander: Culley, have fun dealing with a QB that decided to be an idiot instead of staying here and running Era8 into the ground. Thank God!)
In the department of #PlayoffSammy, Watkins has quoted that Lamar can be a great passer if receivers start to get separation. Having been in Kansas City with Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid he obviously understands that a QB needs all the help he can get if his receivers know what they’re doing. He has made it clear that he wants to be available in all 17 games (He said all 16 games on his conference call with team insider Cassie Calvert. LOL!) despite his injury history. Sounds like a forward thinking receiver to me. In terms of the “Fruit Punch” department, Marlon Humphrey took on the challenge of racing his dog on a local high school soccer field near Cockeysville. (Let me guess Trace McSorley gave him the idea since T-Mac tried that and failed miserably.) In what appeared to be a close race right from the start, Marlo, unlike his fellow TikTok sensation, beat his dog by a matter of a few seconds. (I wonder how his cat Snowflake is doing plus did Zendaya ever get back to him?) This is why he is the best all around corner in the league. (Marylander: Sorry Jalen Ramsey!) With Action Jackson and Hollywood Brown continuing their offseason workouts together they decided to clone a good buddy of theirs for a potential contract in Baltimore for the 2nd consecutive year. THE DIVA! They were working out this time at a local gym in South Florida and Jackson was being honest saying that he has had all of his past mistakes behind him. (If he signs with the Ravens the rumors from the Yinzer media will be extreme like they were in New England.) Unfortunately we don’t have time for the AB saga since that will be in another episode. Charm City Beasts will return after a few weeks of waiting until the draft. (Please make up your mind about the receiver and pass rush issues. Ok!)
Episode 21: Draft Day (Lets make some Rock and Roll salt!)
Tonight, on a special episode of Charm City Beasts! The recent events of the past few weeks have caused mixed reactions outside the streets of Owings Mills. The actions of Orlando Brown Jr have taken its toll. The Ravens have been searching for trade rumors ever since he tweeted that he was a LEFT TACKLE and there have been a few finalists that have been revealed. The 2 teams that appeared to be the favorites were the Vikings and Chargers. Because both teams were in the Top 15 on the draft board and the Ravens were looking for a big game wideout to help out the offense. However the front office went for a bold move instead of playing it safe and trading him for a 1st and 3rd Round pick. Marylander: WHAT? Narrator: The Ravens have just done the unthinkable. Marylander: WE TRADED HIM TO THE CHIEFS! WHAT! WHAT! PAUSE.
Why do the Gods hate us, Baby Zeus to the Chiefs! The team the Ravens are always 2 steps behind on any given Sunday. Do you realize that they are already 0-3 against Patrick Mahomes and now this! And conveniently on the 20th Anniversary of when the Ravens traded Priest Holmes to Kansas City for Elvis Grbac. That trade better not be reincarnated again! Let this saga be a firm warning to the Atlanta Falcons. TRADE JULIO JONES! Get him out of that dumpster fire of an organization and let him join a real team. I know it sounds crazy but the Ravens have done this before. In 2010 they traded their 1st Round pick to Arizona for Anquan Boldin. They tried doing this last year with DeAndre Hopkins yet the NFLPA stepped in and said the Ravens were tampering with Hopkins beginning at the 2020 NFL Pro Bowl. Thus allowing DHop to get traded to the aforementioned Cardinals. If they are going to get Julio they are most likely keeping the pick that they got from Kansas City and shipping their original pick to Atlanta as well as Miles Boykin and a 5th Round pick. It sounds crazy but they have done this before and have been successful.
In terms of the NFL Draft this season they now have 2 1st Round picks now with the Orlando Brown trade. There is one thing that Ravens fans are annoyed about right now. It has nothing to do with who they are going to take but where the draft is located. The NFL Draft is in CLEVELAND! Marylander: HOW DISGRACEFUL IS IT TO REWARD THE BROWNS WHEN THEY GOT SWEPT BY THE RAVENS LAST YEAR! I know it’s part of the NFL Draft US Tour but at least if it would be anywhere in the AFC North it would be either HERE OR PITTSBURGH! Narrator: Bro, Bro settle buddy we can still make Cleveland salt like we did in Week 14. Marylander: Ok, Ok. Also NFL insider Bucky Brooks thinks the Ravens are going to give up a king’s ransom for JUSTIN FIELDS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (They aren’t doing this after having a QB battle every year during the Brian Billick era.) THAT’S SO FUNNY! PAUSE.
Anyways, as soon as Lamar heard this headline he called Brooks out and demanded the front office to give him a legit top-flight receiver. If they don’t get one in the draft there is one last option. That option is the aforementioned Julio Jones. Just as all Marylanders were calling for the Falcons to trade him, Atlanta did say that they are getting calls from other teams for the 7 time Pro Bowl receiver. With the Ravens now having 2 1st Round picks they could potentially get the guy they have been gunning for for years. He would be Mark Ingram 2.0 in no time. As for Marlon Humphrey he has been up to his usual social media antics. Recently he played pickup basketball with Justin Beiber and a few other celebrities in LA, and now is modeling a campaign for a Boot Barn series called “To The End of The Earth.” In this series he has busted out his cowboy fashion trends similar to what he did before several games last season. Wait I didn’t even get to the best part of this, while Marlo was in LA his secret girlfriend Zendaya was one of the hosts for the Academy Awards. Thus allowing Fruit Punch the rights of a secret VIP pass even though he couldn’t go into the auditorium for the show because of a reduced capacity and the amount of Hollywood stars that are usually there for the event. Honestly the fact that he even was there is insane.
Meanwhile in Arizona, Action Jackson, JK Dobbins, Hollywood, and Sammy Watkins joined up with Mark Andrews for more offseason workouts. I’m surprised they went to Arizona. Tell them I said Hi that too. Back to the NFL Draft the Ravens have had several ways to attack the 1st Round with 2 picks. They are most likely getting a pass rusher with 1 of the picks and either a receiver or offensive linemen with the other. I wonder where they go here? “The Baltimore Ravens select… Rashod Bateman, Wide Receiver Minnesota.” WOW! They went for the big game wide receiver because DeCosta wanted to fool the analysts of Baltimore who thought they would take Baby Zeus’ replacement. Then they drafted Odafe Oweh with their second 1st Round Pick, yes he may not have had a sack last year but he will be an excellent fit in Wink Martindale’s defense. After an eventful Night 1, Night 2 was even more insane. With celebrities and former players announcing picks the emotions of every fan in the AFC North would be against their arch rivals. BOOM! Lets begin with Bengals fan Means Cameron who claimed before Cincinnati’s 2nd Round Pick that “This is our year Bengals fans!” You realize that Joe Burrow has no O-Line and their defense has been a question mark for a few years. Once again the Mystery Box is clearly being opened by Mike Brown. Next came Steelers legend Franco Harris who was immediately booed by the Dawg Pound, Cowboys, Raiders, and Bungals fans. (The Marylanders didn’t say a thing because Franco played before most of the Ravens fans at the draft were born) I wonder who’s gonna pop up next to quiet those 2? Machine Gun Kelly: “I will see you in 2022 when the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl, AND I’M OUT!” FULL MARYLANDER ACTIVATED! Marylander: GET THAT MGK OUT OF THE BUILDING AND SEND THAT MAN INTO THE INNER HARBOR! HE IS JUST AS ANNOYING AS STYX, MIGOS, AND WIZ KHALIFA! PAUSE.
Ok,ok that was a bit over the top. Anyways following MGK’s guarantee the Dawg Pound got smack talked by good old DMC. DMC: “Take a look at the stage, y’all know what this is? this has been my team since I was a kid!… AND THERE IS NOTHING REALER THAN BEING A PITTSBURGH STEELER!” His Steeler loyalty was something that even Ravens fans got a kick out of. (Marylanders and Yinzers teaming up to beat Cleveland and Cincinnati, not shocking to hear) Next up came Myles Garrett who trolled DMC and got Browns fans hyped up again. The Ravens are gonna be on the clock soon, I wonder who they are gonna bring out? BOOM! Ah yes Jacoby Jones! He’s the perfect guy to troll Cleveland for what they have said about Lamar Jackson. “Y’all can boo all y’all want. But here’s the thing: I got a ring! I got a ring! I got a ring, it is what it is.” Jacoby Jones doing his best Beyonce impersonation, Classic Ravens! And in a sequel of David Akers trolling the Cowboys fans in 2018 the Ravens selected perhaps one of the biggest offensive lineman in the draft. His name is BEN CLEVELAND HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (The Marylander laughs for 3 long minutes straight since the Ravens selected a player whose last name is Cleveland IN Cleveland.) PAUSE.
The next day the Ravens brought out their fan of the year to announce 1 of their 5th Round Picks and she too trolled the Dawg Pound with her biases to RavensNation. (Superfan: “LETS GO RAVENS!”) As for DeCosta and his draft selections, I would say I’m giving them a higher grade than most people think. Many people are saying that they needed to draft a Right Tackle to replace Orlando Brown but all things lead to the Ravens signing the Army Ranger to fill the void at RT. Which they did when Villanueva reached a 2 year 7 million a year deal to join the Ravens to become the Right Tackle. Plus many are saying that they need to take a safety but they didn’t. (However Brandon Stevens is going to be the Safety of the Future) For the fans watching back home in Baltimore they were laughing at NFL Network because of the Draft Day Video they published with Jim Brown when the coverage began each day. It only psyched up Ravens fans because they played their long time intro theme song in the background. (I can still hear former Ravens PA announcer Bruce Cunningham’s voice when they play Where The Streets Have No Name) It would be like playing “Renegade” or “Black and Yellow” in Baltimore no one wants that. Will the offseason moves and draft decisions pan out, that’s coming soon on Charm City Beasts!
Conclusion
Today, on the season finale of Charm City Beasts! The 2020 season was unlike any other in Ravens and Baltimore Sports History. They survived limited to no fans in attendance, massive injuries to the offensive line, the biggest COVID outbreak in the NFL, and an ongoing civil war between Lamar and the media. With an 11-5 record and winning their 1st playoff game in 6 years hopes are high for Marylanders. With a new look receiving core, pass rush, and offensive line there should be solid improvements across the lineup. The big dilemma will be the pending contract that Action Jackson will be getting. (Just have him play out his deal the way Flacco did ok Bisciotti) As long as they don’t pay him Josh Allen money we should be fine. The good news for Harbaugh and everyone else in the organization is that there will be a full capacity crowd for every home game at M&T Bank Stadium. With the NFLs Night Game Hell back at full swing it should be a fun time to be a Ravens fan. Even if Lamar suffered the COVID bug once again he is looking to win his 2nd MVP and finally win his 1st Super Bowl. Despite the fact that Maryland Governor Larry Hogan has suggested that Lamar should get a vaccine, Action Jackson has stated that if he has to get one he’ll do it. Even if the media has hyped the Browns and now the Bungles over the past few months Ravens insider Jamison Hensley has claimed that Harbs once again doesn’t care about his rivals recent moves. He states that the Ravens coaching staff is going to make sure that they don’t get caught up in what media trends their rivals develop. (Example: JuJu’s Tik-Toks and OBJ’s predictions of a Super Bowl) There will be questions surrounding this squad. Can the offense become the most unstoppable unit in the game? Will John Harbaugh get past his old boss in Andy Reid? Do the Ravens have enough pieces for a Super Bowl? Will the Orlando Brown trade kill them in the long term? And how will Eric DeCosta handle Lamar and Mark Andrews contracts this season. All this and more to come in Season 2 OF CHARM CITY BEASTS!
Bragging Rights Sports 