Vikings vs Saints: The first NFL game on a Friday since 2009. In this case the Christmas present that Minnesota got this year from Santa Claus involved getting smacked by a Saints team looking for revenge for the past few years. The Vikings had no answers for Alvin Kamara all night as he became the first player since Gale Sayers in 1965 to score 6 touchdowns in a game. Anyone that saw the Skolkings keeping up in this game lied miserably despite the strong performance from Kirk Cousins. As for New Orleans they lock up the NFC South. I am not shocked with that divisional outcome despite the hype machine in Tampa Bay.
Buccaneers vs Lions: Speaking of the Buccaneers they crushed a Lions team that was dead on arrival. Detroit had no answers for Tom Brady. Heck, they had no answers for anyone of their receivers. The result was 34 points in the FIRST HALF! Even Blane Gabbert roasted that defense while TB12 was out of the game. The good news for Bucs fans is that this was a wonderful Christmas weekend for them. Their playoff drought is officially dead!
Buccaneers QUALIFIED (SUCCESS!): Predictable by many fans this offseason but they have to take the long road to the Super Bowl in their own stadium. As long as Tom Brady plays in GOAT form they have a shot.
49ers vs Cardinals: Even if the 9ers are out of the playoffs they are still trying to spoil the NFC Playoff Picture by any means necessary. Their game against Arizona was the perfect example. As soon as Deandre Hopkins and Kyler Murray got hurt the Cardinals were banished by the most injury riddled team in football. Despite Midget Man and D-Hops returns San Fran held on to win by a narrow 8 points. Don’t worry Cards, all you need to do is beat the Rams and you’re in the playoffs. You got this!
Dolphins vs Raiders: This game was the Classic back and forth game that the NFL was waiting to see. The Raiders despite being eliminated from the playoffs have a chance to spoil Miami’s chances at a return trip to the playoffs. Both offenses looked soft for much of the game as Vegas held a slim 4th quarter lead. BOOM! Well Brian Flores had enough of soft play by Tua and chose to play NFL Blackjack by bringing in FitzCeption. The bad news for RaiderNation was he torched their weak secondary as the Phins tied up the game. Look at Derek Carr and Nelson Agholor combine for an 85 yard touchdown! Great play now please make the Extra Point! YOU DIDN’T! It’s all good Vegas has shut down the Dolphins offense. GOTCHA! Miami pulls a rabbit out of their hats and takes the lead. Who cares the Raiders are going to be bailed out by REFBALL just watch. BEEP! I told you that would happen. Listen to this the Raiders had the ball on the 1 yard line with a minute left and took a knee to chew up the clock. Look I like what they are doing, if they scored the touchdown instead of settling for the field goal they would be up by 5 or 7 plus FitzCeption had been roasting their secondary. The good thing for Gruden is that Miami only has 20 seconds to save their season. “Fitzpatrick to throw, he’s gonna chuck it up and it is CAUGHT BUT THERE IS A FLAG BACK AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE! Personal foul roughing the passer DEFENSE!” There’s the Raiders we know and love! I knew they were going to blow another winnable game by means of shooting themselves in the foot. Now Miami controls their own fate next week instead!
Bears vs Jaguars: Once the Jags realized they had control of the #1 pick they said Minshew PLEASE GET OUT! That was exactly the case. Jacksonville had no answers for a revived Bears offense that featured Jimmy Graham turning back the clock to 2014, and Mitch Trubisky playing the Bucs in 2018. As for the defense of Da Bears, they squashed their opponents with ease. Good news for Bears fans is that the QB that they paid 15 million a year for in 2017 was crushed by Khalil Mack, and Roquan Smith. The best news of all for Chicago fans. They now control their own destiny after 3 straight wins. Next week is the chance to get revenge on Green Bay for 2013. This is the team that no one wants to face in the NFC Wild Card game besides Tampa! As for the Jags they have clinched the Tank Bowl Title. They will get the chance at Trevor Lawrence with the #1 pick. THE NEW YORK JETS EVERYONE!
Falcons vs Chiefs: Tell me if you have heard this story before. Atlanta trying to mess up their tanks by beating a legit Super Bowl Contender. Early in this game the Falcons stormed out to an early lead. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs could do nothing. I know people are going to say that they are bored and mess around in the regular season but I think that if the right team faces them in January they could be beat. Despite the Falcons leading 14-10 in the 4th quarter there is one thing that has to be told. Even if Kansas City is down for the count they always pull off a miracle. Example the Falcons dropping an interception. Why? Because the Chiefs took the lead on the very next play! Don’t worry Arthur Blank, the Falcons are going to mess up their tanks and give hope for next year to their fans. Younghoe Koo has not missed a kick in 28 attempts, who cares if the wind is blowing at 15 MPH! “Koos kick is hooking, IT’S NO GOOD! HE MISSED IT TO THE RIGHT!” Typical Atlanta sports luck, HAD IT LOST IT! As for KC they have locked up the #1 seed. Enjoy the Bye Week Boys!
Bengals vs Texans: I don’t understand why people voted for Deshawn Watson to go to the Pro Bowl over Big Ben, Lamar, and Ryan Tannehill? I know he has the best passer rating in football but he looks lost sometimes. Against a Bungals team trying to mess up their tank that was not the case. He had himself one of the best games of the season. The bad news for Houston was that they couldn’t contain Cincy’s backups plus Tee Higgins, and AJ Green. This back and forth affair came down to the wire. The Bungals had the lead only for the Texans to come back, and vice versa. All Watson has to do is score here and mess up the Dolphins chances at a Top 5 pick next year. “Watson to throw, he is under pressure and he is sacked! HE LOST THE BALL AND CINCINNATI HAS IT!” Shocking the Texans did the Bungling! That is impressive. Cincy please don’t rob the Ravens next week like in 2017!
Browns vs Jets: Oh boy we have some late breaking news for you! The Browns had 4 receivers that were put on the COVID list plus 2 of their Offensive Lineman as well. Its ok its the Jets this should be an easy win for the Brownies! BOOM! That is where you are wrong Dawg Pound! I know Cleveland is going to make excuses about not having their wideouts but listen to this. They had no answers for Sam Darnold all day long, Baker Mayfield fumbled 4 times against one of the worst defenses of all time, Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt were held to a combined 4 yards in the first half, and their playcalling was garbage. Despite the 20-3 lead for the ButtFumble, the Browns desperately stormed back and cut the lead to 4. Despite Baker losing his 3rd fumble New York couldn’t run out the clock. Cleveland had one more chance to send the game into OT, all they need to do is convert a 4th and 1. “The ruling on the field is a fumble by the offense, but by rule in the final 2 minutes of either half, anyone but the fumbler cannot advance the ball. Therefore it will be first down NEW YORK! Dawg Pound I do have a joke for you. YOU GUYS LOST TO THE JETS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Don’t worry Browns at least you control your own destiny next week against the Steelers, you’re gonna mess it up too aren’t you!
Colts vs Steelers: This is a game where both teams need the win. Indianapolis needs to maintain the Final Wild Card Spot and potentially gain hold of the AFC South. And for Pittsburgh to lock up the AFC North. Early on the Colts bolted out to an early lead thanks to their defense making Big Ben look lost and cooked for 40 minutes. Leading 24-7 in the 3rd Quarter as well as stopping the Steelers at the 5 yard line for 4 straight plays you might think this is the Colts time. BOOM! This is why you never count out the Leader of Men Indy! Pittsburgh unlocks its talents and abilities as they went down the field to cut the Colts lead to 24-21. Philip Rivers went back to his own San Diego ways and shot his teams ambitions in the knee on repeat for the entire 4th quarter. The result, the Yinzers have stormed back to take the lead! Even if the Colts have struggled they are putting together an excellent final drive. The fate of their season is in their hands. “Rivers over the middle, it is OVERTHROWN AND INCOMPLETE!” The Steelers lock up the AFC North at last as Indianapolis is now on the outside looking in. All they need is a Win and Browns or Dolphins loss to get in. GOOD LUCK!
Giants vs Ravens: Tonight on Charm City Beasts! A moment of excitement and hope for all Marylanders! Please just let me have this moment ok! The Ravens controlled and strangled Big Blue on both sides of the ball but I have to say one thing to New York, Thank You! Thank You for your God Awful offensive play calling, Thank You for not being able to stop Mark Andrews if your lives depended on it, Thank You for treating your defense as the best in the NFL! Oh I wonder what you’re doing if you can’t contain Lamar Jackson all game it sure won’t get you where you want to be! The Giants have lost 3 straight and are once again needing help to get in the playoffs. I would say the City that Never Sleeps is sleeping but they still have a chance at the NFC East. Everyone on their team missed it like Daniel Jones did with his abilities to avoid Baltimore’s pass rush! Who in the world needs Mark Ingram when JK Dobbins is owning everyone like a boss anyways. Although the drama of Week 17 is coming at least I have a holiday weekend to remember. Even if the voice of the Ravens Gerry Sandusky and Coach Harbaugh lost their voices during the game screaming from the booth or sidelines and we looked sloppy in the 4th quarter. Thank the Gods we control our own destiny next week with the Colts and Browns losses! Well this game may have been a beatdown but for the 2nd week in a row the Giants are winners of FOOTBALL FOLLIES! This time their offensive line gave up sacks on 3 straight plays which led to a punt! New York at least you can beat Dallas and root for the Eagles I guess next week!
Broncos vs Chargers: Bring out the Tanks there is no other explanation! The Chargers are trying to save Anthony Lynn’s job by any means necessary while the Broncos are doing the same for Vic Fangio. The Bolts jumped out to a 13-0 lead thanks to Justin Herbert setting the rookie record for touchdown passes. But like most games their San Diego luck returned, Denver outscored them 16-3 and tied up the game. LA, not knowing the rules of Tank Bowl went down the field and kicked a field goal to take the lead with 40 seconds left. Oh boy the Broncos got a miracle catch and have a chance to beat them if they convert a Hail Mary. “Lock is going to chuck it into the endzone and it is Picked Off and the Chargers are going to win!” The Chargers lose by winning this time in terms of the tank department. Good for them.
Panthers vs Hogs: Washington has the chance to lock up the NFC East thanks to the Giants loss in Baltimore earlier in the day. The bad news for them is that Alex Smith won’t be able to play thus Dwayne Haskins must start the game. He looked soft and uninspiring as Carolina jumped out to a 20-0 lead. Things got so bad that Haskins was benched for Taylor Heinicke and he ran the offense better than their QB1 for the game. Despite the Hogs desperate comeback they got burned by one thing, REFBALL! Let me ask this question again, Is the NFL doing everything they can for Jerry Jones to get a Home Playoff Game? Yes they want Dallas in the playoffs. With this being said the Panthers mess up their tank by giving hope to the rest of the division. COUNT ON IT! Remember what I said about things getting worse in DC, well they did thanks to Dwayne Haskins being at a party without a mask. He got fined for it and was eventually released by the Hogs for this bounty. This is a black eye for the organization to go along with what Dan Snyder was charged for with the whole topless scene that their cheerleading squad dealt with in 2009. “The Culture is Actually Damn Good.” WRONG!
Eagles vs Cowboys: A game that feels like a playoff game already. With this being said I have ordered the security guards in the Elimination Room to give Jerry Jones and Dem Cowboys a Get Out of Jail Free Card! They would need it early on because Philly gave their fans live with a 14-3 lead in the 1st quarter. But there is one thing they can’t rely on. Jalen Hurts and the offense going ice cold, the reasoning is because of the High End Talent on the other side. Then the Eagles secondary was torched by Michael Gallup, Amari Cooper, and CeeDee Lamb afterwards. It would only be worse for them if the Boys still had Dak. With this being said Dallas enters Week 17 with the chance at claiming the division. Remember the Elimination Room guys, that’s where Philadelphia is entering right now!
Eagles ELIMINATED (YOU GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR): This could be the deathblow to their Super Bowl window. I’m not worried about Jalen Hurts; he could be a star in the NFL. I’m worried about the Cap Hell that will be hitting them once Carson Wentz leaves. I would say fire Doug Pederson and Howie Roseman but to be honest they had one of the hardest schedules in NFL History and they couldn’t avoid it. That’s why I think the management crew gets a pass.
Rams vs Seahawks: Rams this is why you need to beat the Jets last week at SoFi. Because you knew that this would happen. Seattle’s defense for the first time all year not only played up to their potential but they held one of the top offenses in the NFC out of the endzone. I think if that defense plays like this in the playoffs, no one wants to enter the 12th Man in January. Despite Russell Wilson and the offense having trouble getting their engines going they did just enough to hold off LA from winning. Thus clinching the high powered NFC West. Rams all you need to do is beat the Cardinals on your home soil and you will secure a return engagement into playoff football. YOU GOT THIS! The bad news for Rams fans is that they will be without Jared Goff against Arizona next week. If they have any chance at winning they need to run the ball and trust their defense.
Titans vs Packers: I have come to a realization about the Titans. This team screams 1st Round Elimination. Look I know they have the best running back in football in King Henry XXII, and Ryan Tannehill is perhaps the most underrated QB in the game. But my major concern is on the defense. Ever since Dean Peas retired after last season they have not been the same unit that carried them in the playoffs a year ago. This time they were picked apart by an angry Aaron Rodgers and Davonte Adams. Plus the Packers got some good old REFBALL to help them and put the Titans on skates in the snow. Even though the score was 19-14 at one point in the 3rd quarter Tennessee had no chance of stopping this freight train from getting one step closer to clinching home field in the playoffs. Titans don’t worry, next week you play Houston and if you win your longtime adversary from Charm City will likely be waiting for you in 2 weeks. YIKES!
Bills vs Patriots: We are living in an alternate timeline when the New England Patriots are the ones getting crushed by the Bills in a late season showdown. Despite their efforts to keep the game close, Bill Belichick could only watch as his defense had no answers for Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs. I will say this about the Bills though, I know everyone is going to think that they are the biggest threat to the Chiefs in the AFC Playoffs but I have one major concern. If they cannot run the ball in the playoffs and Josh Allen faces a real defense unlike most of the teams they have faced in the second half then they could be picked apart in January. Not to mention they still have the Buffalo McKinley Curse, if KC can do it you can too!
Before we wrap up this weeks recap we must look at the scenarios for next week:
AFC
#1 Chiefs
#2 Bills
#3 Steelers
#4 Titans
#5 Dolphins
#6 Ravens
#7 Browns
#8 Colts
In the AFC Kansas City is the Number 1 Seed so they can rest their starters next week against the Bolts.
The 2 Seed is between Buffalo and Pittsburgh. If the Bills win they get the 2, if they don’t and the Steelers do the Yinzers get the higher seed.
Tennessee plays Houston so if they beat the Texans they lock up the AFC South. If they lose and the Colts beat Jacksonville Indy claims the division.
The Wild Cards are simple. Miami controls the 5 seed but faces the Bills next week. If they win or any of the Wild Card teams lose they are in. The Ravens play the Bungals, if they win they ensure the Maryland Festivus and could jump to 5 seed if the Dolphins lose. Cleveland controls the 7 spot but faces a challenge at home against the Steelers. If they win the drought is over, but if they lose as well as Baltimore, Tennessee, and Indianapolis winning regardless of what the Phins do they are out.
NFC
#1 Packers
#2 Saints
#3 Seahawks
#4 Hogs
#5 Buccaneers
#6 Rams
#7 Bears
#8 Cardinals
#9 Cowboys
#10 Giants
In the NFC Green Bay clinches the 1 seed if they win next week, if they don’t and the Seahawks and Saints win it goes to New Orleans, but if the Saints and Packers lose and the Seahawks beat the 49ers then Seattle gets it.
The NFC East comes down to the Hogs, Cowboys and Giants. Dallas and New York play each other so if one of them wins they must hope for the Eagles to beat Washington Sunday Night.
For the Wild Cards Tampa Bay controls the 5 seed so if they win they face the winner of the NFC East. The final spots are between the Rams, Bears, and Cardinals. LA and Arizona play each other so if one of them wins they are in. The Bears need to beat their archrivals from Green Bay to clinch a spot. But if they lose and Arizona wins then the Cards get the 7 seed. But if they win and the Rams lose LA is out. HERE ARE THE RULES FOR THE 11 TEAMS THAT HAVEN’T CLINCHED YET! DON’T GET ELIMINATED!!!
Bragging Rights Sports 