Packers vs 49ers: This should be a fun and exciting game, NO JUST MESSING WITH YOU, IT’S TIME FOR INJURY BOWL! The winners were once again San Francisco. In this game they were no match for Aaron Rodgers who was on a warpath after being embarrassed at home by the Skolkings last week. The result 4 touchdowns, and a near perfect passer rating. As for Green Bay’s D, they scorched San Fran unlike last year and regained total control of the NFC North. 9ers it will be a long year because of injuries but Enjoy the basement of one of the NFLs hardest divisions. 9er Gang: “OH NO! WE SUCK AGAIN!”
Giants vs Hogs: A New York vs Washington showdown I wonder what that looks like? It looks like they need to bring out the Tanks! The Giants are trying to somehow win games and sneak back in the NFC East while the Hogs are looking for something to cheer about. In this game Big Blue went down the field on numerous occasions which converted into a 20-3 lead. BUT like in most games the Giants narrative of not closing out a game continued. Washington stormed back from 17 points down to cut the lead to 3. Alex Smith is trying to bring his career and the Hogs back to life, if they could get into field goal range on this play it would be 23 all. INSTEAD HE GETS JUMPED BY NEW YORK SECONDARY! But the G-Men can’t run out the clock like always. At least they have another chance. Announcer: “Smith looks over the middle and it’s PICKED OFF AGAIN! AND THIS TIME THE GIANTS WILL WIN!” I mean it would have been a great story if Smith came back and won.
Seahawks vs Bills: This game is why I think Seattle screams 1st Round Elimination. It has nothing to do with that offense; they have gobs of talent across the board. The issue on the Seahawks is the defense. Ken Norton should have been fired after the Arizona game because they couldn’t stop Kyler Murray and the Cards. Now they gave up 44 points to Josh Allen and the Bills. I know everyone is going to say that the Bills are legit contenders but to me beating up a soft defense doesn’t solve problems especially when you have to face great teams. The Seahawks are only 6-2 because of their offensive talent. PROVE ME WRONG BILLSMAFIA!
Panthers vs Chiefs: Carolina is in must win territory! After heartbreaking losses against the Bears, Saints, and Falcons, the Panthers though are breathing a sigh of relief because they are getting Christian McCaffery back. The bad news is that they have to play OF COURSE Kansas City. The defense was all over Patrick Mahomes in the first half as Carolina took a 14-3 lead early in the second quarter. BUT LIKE MOST WEEKS NOBODY CAN STOP THE CHIEFS SPEED AND PASSING ATTACK! Kansas City stormed back thanks to Mahomes, Tyreek Hill, and Travis Kelce going bananas in the second half. Even if Harrison Butker, and Joey Slye both struggled kicking field goals in the gusting winds of Arrowhead, the Chiefs held a 9 point lead. But the Panthers stormed back and scored a touchdown then held Mahomes 3-and-out. Now they have to try a 67 YARD FIELD GOAL! Announcer: “Slides kick is NO GOOD HE MISSED IT WAY TO THE RIGHT!” There goes the Panthers playoff hopes right there. Poor CMC, he deserves better than this!
Ravens vs Colts: (See Charm City Beasts Document for this game.)
Lions vs Vikings: Lions, you guys beating the Falcons at the gun in Week 7 was the worst thing that could have happened. Because it caused ownership and the front office to pretend that everything was fine. Now that Matt Stafford has COVID their playoff dreams are slowly slipping away. The Vikings are trying everything they can to get back in the playoffs, and save Kirk Cousins and Mike Zimmers jobs. Dalvin Cook ran all over Detroit just like he did against the Packers. Now Minnesota is looking like a team that could come out of nowhere and make the playoffs as the 7 seed. BE PREPARED FOR THE INSUFFERABILITY!
Bears vs Titans: Tennessee is looking for a bounce back. After losing against the Steelers and Bengals they are looking to beat up a team that is trying to save its playoff lives. That team would be Da Bears. Nick Foles was no match for a Titans pass rush that has been soft for much of the season. Not to mention Chicago was no match for King Henry XXII and AJ Brown. Tennessee once again leapfrogged Indy into first place despite Da Bears late game comeback efforts. KEEP IT UP!
Texans vs Jaguars: Nothing screams more appropriate than Jacksonville embracing the tanks by means of Gardner Minshew being inactive in favor of a mid round pick in Jake Luton. The Jags stormed out to an early lead but Houston is trying to foolishly win games and prevent the Dolphins from getting a better draft pick. Deshawn Watson neer single handedly carried the Texans into the lead with 2 minutes left. Even if Jacksonville went down the field for a momentum turning touchdown, all Houston has to do is stop a 2 point play and they will win. Announcer: “Luton to throw for the 2 and it is INCOMPLETE AND JACKSONVILLE COMES UP EMPTY!” Is it me or does Houston lose to anyone but the Jags, I don’t get it.
Broncos vs Falcons: People still think the Falcons Super Bowl window is open because they think they will get an offensive minded coach next year. REALLY! In this game they took advantage of a Denver team that was trying to stay alive after last week’s heroics against the Chargers. This week there were none. Matt Ryan and Julio Jones carved up the Broncos defense and despite a late Denver rally Atlanta did just enough to hold on. If they didn’t blow all of those leads they would be ahead of Tampa Bay right now!
Steelers vs Cowboys: Americas Team vs the Steel Curtain. It brings back Super Bowls X, XIII, and XXX. Dallas decided to roll with Garrett Gilbert as their starting QB after last week’s embarrassment against the Eagles. Gilbert flashed his potential early on as Dem Cowboys held a 13-0 lead in the second quarter. Big Ben is looking injured again, Pittsburgh is no match for Dallas’ front 7, and their undefeated season is slipping away. DO ME A FAVOR AND BEAT THEM! BOOM! This is when the Leader of Men pulled a Terry Bradshaw and came back from injury and led the Steelers on a furious comeback that cut the Cowboy lead to 19-15. I wonder what is going to happen. BEEP! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! HOW MANY TIMES ARE THE YINZERS ARE GOING TO GET A BREAK THIS YEAR! A fumble recovered by Dallas = Illegal Contact, 3-and-out = roughing the passer. Now Pittsburgh has the lead but like last week their undefeated season comes down to one play. Announcer: “Gilbert’s pass over the middle is KNOCKED DOWN INCOMPLETE!” The NFL once again giftwrapped the Steelers an undeserved victory! That nonsense won’t get them far in the playoffs because other teams will try to put them away early.
Dolphins vs Cardinals: Now here is a game that I want to find out the outcome of. Two young QBs boasting talented but hungry rosters going at it in the desert! Throughout the game both Tua, and Kyler were slinging the ball around against defense with huge upsides. Every time it seemed that the Cardinals would pull away Miami would come back. Just like in their game against the Seahawks, Kyler Murray and the Cards came roaring back and had the chance to force overtime. YOUR MOVE ZANE GONZALEZ! Announcer: Gonzalez from 49 yards out is NO GOOD! HE MISSED IT SHORT! Now I don’t understand why Madden gave him the kicker card in Team of the Year last year over Justin Tucker! Why does he have 97 kick power again! Anyways the Dolphins look like a dark horse Super Bowl contender for the first time since Dan Marino was the QB1 in South Beach!
Raiders vs Chargers: This is a game where both teams need the win. The Raiders to remain in control of their playoff destiny, and for the Chargers to keep their playoff hopes alive. This back and forth contest was in my opinion why both these teams QBs need to be recognized. Derek Carr appeared to be back in 2016, and Justin Herbert looks like the second coming of Dan Fouts. Despite Vegas leading for much of the game the Bolts stormed back to cut the lead to 28-26 after a failed 2 point try. Even if the Raiders got a field goal on their next drive the Chargers will get the kill. Announcer: “Herbert throws it into the endzone TOUCHDOWN CHARGERS WIN!” WAIT! Remember a couple of years ago when everyone said WHAT IS A CATCH! That rule returns today as they reversed the call and the Raiders remain in the Wild Card pack. TAKE THAT SPANOS!
Saints vs Buccaneers: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Step right up and witness one of the greatest embarrassments in the history of Sunday Night Football! Everyone including my parents thought that this would be a blowout in favor of Tom Brady and the Bucs. It would be… BOOM! ON THE OTHER SIDE! The Tampa Bay secondary was no match for Drew Brees all night long and for the first time in his career, Brady went an entire home game without scoring a touchdown. We tried to warn you about coming to the NFC South! You didn’t listen to the fact that the Saints will crush you both times. Bucs fans I have 2 words for you, WHO DAT!
Patriots vs Jets: This game felt like the 2014 AFC Championship Game. New England being no match for Joe Flacco all night long yet pulling out some nonsense and escaping with victory. In my opinion part of the reason this game was a lopsided affair in favor of Gang Green early was Flacco’s ability to carve up a Bill Belichick defense again. He has been doing that for a decade. OH MY GOODNESS THE JETS MIGHT WIN THIS! BOOM! BUT THEN THEIR BUTTFUMBLE NARRATIVE HAS TO COME BACK! Thanks to Cam Newton and the Jets offensive line disappearing late in the game, New England escapes MetLife with a victory that might have just saved their season. As for the Jets they are officially eliminated from the Playoffs.
JETS ELIMINATED!: It seemed like once they traded Jamal Adams and Le’Veon Bell left town we all knew that they would tank. If they get Trevor Lawrence or Justin Fields I hope they don’t waste them like every other QB since Broadway Joe. THE DEAL WITH THE DEVIL NEVER DIES! NEVER!
Bragging Rights Sports 